True Colors
by double scotch.single malt
Summary: An amazing story of hope and love and promise and destinies fulfilled, a Meredith and Derek pairing like nothing you've read before ... it's dramatic and hopeful and full of love with the promise of passion! More than a modified-AU. *Rating Changed to M*
1. Chapter 1, Blue Cold

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**So … if you're willing to give this story a chance, I can promise you'll end up loving it. If you follow my stories but do not currently comment, maybe you'll think about starting a new trend with this one. **

**This is my first foray into the world of more than modified-AU (for Grey's Anatomy, anyway), so please be kind. **

**I also made a promise to myself that in order to spend time telling this stories that the chapters had to be no more than 10 pages, single parts, to say more with less words and I think, for all but two or three chapters, this is an attainable goal. **

**I swear, Cyndi Lauper ... she's just more than amazing with this story in mind, I have long-since avoided using this ballad for one of my other story updates, I guess you could say I was saving it.**

**True Colors **

Lyrics for Cyndi Lauper's "True Colors":

You with the sad eyes  
don't be discouraged  
oh I realize  
it's hard to take courage  
in a world full of people  
you can lose sight of it all  
and the darkness inside you  
can make you fell so small

But I see your true colors  
shining through  
I see your true colors  
and that's why I love you  
so don't be afraid to let them show  
your true colors  
true colors are beautiful  
like a rainbow

Show me a smile then  
don't be unhappy, can't remember  
when I last saw you laughing  
if this world makes you crazy  
and you've taken all you can bear  
you call me up  
because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors  
shining through  
I see your true colors  
and that's why I love you  
so don't be afraid to let them show  
your true colors  
true colors are beautiful  
like a rainbow

* * *

**  
Chapter 1 – Blue Cold**

Meredith opened her eyes despite her best efforts to stay in that dark place, the warm dark one – _the one we all know, the one under the blankets surrounded by sleep-induced body heat _– the one that begs for one more minute, the one that turns a blind (and closed) eye to consciousness as a state of mind… yeah that one, she tried to stay there because, well … who doesn't?

She sighed into the cold air above her, her lungs shrieked in response and her nerve-endings effectively woke up. _Damn it!_ The air was frosty, bitter … and harsh and the sleepy heat she loved so much was evaporating by the second now.

_She was awake. There was no turning back._

She blinked hard, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dim pre-dawn light seeping in from the window situated above her. She rolled to her side, the floor creaked under her light weight – _her collection of blankets and clothing created opportune pockets of space for the cold air as she did _– the cooler air biting her skin now as it stealthily moved in, stealing the last of her heat. She rubbed her feet together like a Girl Scout would use a pair of sticks – _hoping to spark her natural heat _– but alas the cold won the game again.

Her eyes scanned the studio apartment now – _the home she created here, long gone _– as gone as her mother's mind and her life, as gone as her father, as gone as her youth. _Just gone._ And like many other places she called _'home' _in her life, the doors were closing and it was time to move … on. She rested her eyes on the last of her belongings packed neatly by the door, her toiletries alighted in a Ziploc on top of her small duffle bag – _by which sat the last box of her mother's diaries and her backpack_ – all ready to go … all ready to move on.

She shifted, her shoulder rolled against the floor, the wood creaked again. Peering down, she glanced at her watch – _5:34 AM _– it would be light soon, she opened her eyes wide, ready to face the reality of the situation. For she had no choice – _she had to deal with the cards she was dealt _– and she was no poker player, nor would she ever be … because poker players were methodical, they were even and clear minded and level-headed in a crisis. And as much as she had been moving through her own personal crisis for the last several years and as much as she displayed the physique, the stance of that level-headed poker player – _she was crumbling on the inside _– her skin nothing but a thin protective sheathe that all of a sudden was no match for the cold that encapsulated her.

Meredith closed her eyes, a lone tear slipped free – _knowing it would be the only one she would allow_ – she permitted it to make its own way, create its path and fulfill its simple destiny, following its weight along her hairline where it sharply turned, seeping into the crease of her neck where it stayed … _salty and wet and fresh._ Opening her eyes, she once again rehearsed how she arrived at the here and now – _laying on the cold floor of the studio apartment she once called 'home' with deep fear lodged in her heart _– terrified to move on and forward, but having no choice but to do just that … the situation not unlike many she had been presented with since she moved to Seattle almost four years ago to take care of her ailing mother.

Once she came to be with her mother, Meredith realized that she was no match for her illness – _the evils of Alzheimer's claimed her quickly _– a verity Meredith was secretly thankful for, for had her mother been aware of her condition for too long, the frustration alone would have killed her. As it was, in those early days before she truly lost it, to say things were tense between the two women was an understatement. Amid her mother's forgetfulness (and her displaced anger over her mistakes) and Meredith's apparent indecisiveness about continuing education, namely medical school … well … things were tumultuous at best.

Eventually, Meredith moved her mother into Rosewood, a nursing home specializing in Alzheimer's patients. Thereafter, she studied the disease and spent many hours with the staff assigned to her mother's case. She learned about the disease –_ its grand theft of the brain's capacity to survive astounded her _– and in the end, it was her mother's illness – _not her constant browbeating _– that provided the impetus for Meredith to enroll in medical school. She was and remains inspired by the tenacity of the illness – _by its unbiased claim of the brain _– so much so that she felt an innate need to beat it, with the winning hand; wanting nothing less than to find a cure for the disease before it ever has a chance to claim her.

Once her mother was situated, Meredith fell into a routine –_ work, visit, study, work, work, study, study, study _– she made a conscious effort to avoid forging friendships, she had other priorities and it was as simple as that. She had an ailing mother to take care of, grades to keep up and a job at the medical school library to keep, using the small stipend to pay for her rent here. And this was fine by Meredith –_ she had loafed off a lot in her undergraduate years, adding to that an extra year she spent 'studying' abroad _– she'd had her fun and now she was all about medicine, all about the powerful disease that stripped her of her mother.

And Meredith could have kept this routine up for an eternity, a lifetime if it was possible, because as much as her mother was a foreigner to her when she was growing up – _it wasn't until she fell ill that Meredith really got to know her _– in part because she studied her mother and watched the disease take its toll, but even more so because of the gift: her mother's diaries. The diaries – _they opened Meredith's eyes to her mother, they introduced her to her mother_ – and her entries helped Meredith understand her mother's pain, the pain of a lost love, of a broken heart … of a lost woman.

_Woman to woman, she finally understood her mother and it was a beautiful thing. And in the end, the diaries were the catalyst … they afforded Meredith with the compassion to take care of her mother and understand her in a way that no one else ever could … child to mother, woman to woman._

Sadly, her mother, the great Ellis Grey, one of the foremost female surgeons in the world, passed away – _and quite suddenly too _– almost six months ago and no … no, she never did fully understand that Meredith enrolled in medical school, her mind was too far gone – _her days were filled with distorted memories from twilight to twilight _– Meredith was always her child, the nuisance she was to her mother, but over time Meredith learned to accept her mother and to love her and when she did pass away … she missed her. _Terribly._

_Another tear threatened to fall; Meredith sat up, hugging her knees to her chest, the empty space a shade lighter now, dawn would break soon. A profound shiver ran up and down her spine, she was freezing from the inside out now. She blinked. Her belongings were right where she left them. Almost time to go._

Yeah, she missed her mother, which in and of itself was an anomaly. Considering she spent most of her life trying to escape her mother's intense scrutiny only to assume the role of the medical student/daughter she had always wanted but never got to … see, well, the whole thing –_ the twist of fate was quite incredulous _– and really, the only person Meredith Grey knew who was ballsy enough to make such demands, whether quiet or boisterous was Ellis Grey.

Thankfully, her mother left a decisive Last Will & Testament, one in which she bequeathed the total of her liquid assets to her beloved Mayo Clinic – _a stipulation that was no secret to Meredith_ – for she had long-since been her mother's Medical Power of Attorney and over the last several years she was actively involved in her mother's estate planning – _careful to avoid any inheritance_ – full-well knowing that death benefit taxes were a sham, believing that any inheritance she would have received would be better utilized by Mayo anyway.

_So things were fine for Meredith, even though they weren't._

She was fine, getting by financially with the money she made from the library stipend, she was fine as long as it was the status quo and it was for a couple of months until her neighbor, Floret, had an emergency when her daughter who still lived France was abducted. When Floret needed to flee immediately and leave everything behind – _she appealed to Meredith for help _– who in turn offered to pay for the frazzled woman's expensive airline ticket with her rent money and then some. Thereafter, things were tight and had been for the last couple of months, the threat of the back rent foremost on her mind. Then, to make matters even more complicated, Meredith was informed that she could not fold her book and lab fees for her final semester into her already hefty student loan balance; she was maxed out – _which left her with a choice _– books or back rent and rent. _She chose books without a second thought._

_Perhaps the worst part of it all though – was that Floret had remained in France – and her daughter, a lovely child named Claire, was still missing. Meredith was crestfallen and hopeless over Floret's situation – having just lost her mother, her heart ached in a way she never felt before. It was a hard prospect for Meredith to come to terms with – as she could identify, for she felt like she was a missing child sometimes – and so every night she did the only thing she could do … prayed for the girl's safe return. _

Glancing at her watch again, Meredith sighed and finally made the effort to stand amongst the bluish tint of morning shadows that seemed to dance. She held the two blankets she had, one around her shoulders and the other around her waist, She leaned over to pick up the small rounded pack of hoodies she had been using as a pillow and pressed her lips together as she shuffled her way across the cold floor, her thin socks no match for the naked floorboards. She reached her belongings, unzipped the duffle bag, grabbed the clothing she set aside and put the hoodies in the empty space there. She grabbed the Ziploc and headed to the bathroom.

Stepping inside the bathroom, Meredith flipped the switch … _nothing happened._ She flipped it again – _up, down _– still nothing. She walked back into the hallway and flipped the light switch there … _still nothing._ The Electric Company had made good on their promise to disconnect her utility.

_She had no electricity … no light to shower with in there … it was almost time to move on. _

Meredith sighed and stepped into the bathroom again and turned the hot water on. She shivered as she let the blanket around her waist go; she folded it and placed it on the Formica counter. Leaving the other blanket around the small frame of her shoulders, Meredith slipped her fleece pants off – _the cold air clung to her legs like a layer of wet snow_ – she moved the blanket down to her waist for a beat, she took her long sleeve shirt and hoodie off in one motion before she moved the blanket up and around her shoulders once again. The air was drafty, cold … her skin and nipples hardened, reacting … her nerve-endings stood on end.

Grabbing her washcloth now, she held it under the water – _yelping when she felt the frigid temperature_ – realizing all in the same moment that without electricity … there was no hot water!

_She had no electricity … no hot water … it was almost time to move on._

Overcome, Meredith rested her palms against the edge of the basin and looked up and found her muted reflection in the vanity mirror there. Her face was still hers, the faux poker player was still there – _but she was fading and noticed for the first time, a set of dark circles around her eyes akin to a raccoon _– she inched closer, raising her fingers, pressing ever so softly against the tired skin… yeah … she was almost ready to fold.

_Tears of defeat stung her eyes. _

Steadying herself now, Meredith poured a spot of her shower soap onto her washcloth and set the faucet to run on a trickle. Quickly, she lathered her neck and face, then she cupped her hands under the water for a beat and pulled them away – _carefully, she raised her hands to her mouth and blew her hot breath over the frigid water in an effort to warm it up _– she splashed it along her face and neck, repeating this action a couple of times, using the _'heating' _method to wash her body. _She was freezing, but clean by the time she was finished. _Tossing her clothing on, she felt better. She brushed her teeth, folded her belongings and carried them out to the front door.

_Everything she owned was right here … it was almost time to go … it was almost time to … go._

_She organized the balance of her things and looked up and around the apartment one last time. She shook her head and stifled a sob from somewhere deep inside of her … she felt a dull, easy ache in her heart. Ouch. She closed her eyes and then opened them. The morning light had begun to filter through the small place, illuminating all of her favorite nooks and crannies. She would miss this apartment. She would miss her home. She really would._

Another tear threatened to fall now and that was okay – _fine by her _– for she had expected this much. It was an emotional good-bye, she could allow herself this one – _moment of weakness _–because she knew, deep down … Meredith knew she would leave this apartment and essentially be … _homeless._

_She was homeless._

_She had no home._

_No place._

_No space._

_No one._

_Except herself._

With that ugly range of thoughts in mind, she grabbed her jacket and put it on, fishing her key ring from her pocket; she slipped the key off. Leaning down, she pulled a small envelope from the side of her backpack – _a letter in which she apologized profusely for evicting herself before he, her landlord (who always seemed to be nice enough) had a chance to … a letter in which she promised to pay for the back rent_– she slipped the key inside the envelope and sealed it along with her fate.

_She picked up the box of her mother's journals and clutched it to her chest as she stepped into the hallway. She closed the door behind her and all was quiet. And so with a raging heart, Meredith slowly walked by Floret's abandoned apartment, a frown in her heart over the lost girl and her terrified mother, turning the out of the corridor now – she was ready to set into action a plan she had carefully orchestrated – one that would hopefully carry her for the next six months – she would be homeless, that much was true – but at least she would graduate … she just needed to focus and graduate, then she'd find another place to live ... another space … a home._

**Chapter 2 to follow.**


	2. Chapter 2, Clearly Invisible

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thanks again for the comments, I love hearing from some new readers too, please let me know what you think as you read on.**

**Oh and of course with most of my stories, there's a story within the story ... can you guess what it is yet? There are actually three, one is pretty pronounced, the other two a bit more obscure. I wonder if you will pick up on these subtleties, so let me know. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 2 – Clearly Invisible**

What started out as frightening for Meredith quickly became commonplace after a few days of coming to terms with losing her place … _her home._ The truth of the matter was that she was too busy to care, for in weeks prior to slipping the key to her apartment under her landlord's door – _Meredith Grey had been devising her plan for survival_ – and with that plan, came an extreme need to log more shifts at the library … the very idea of which gave her an excuse to be there in the first place, which was ideal because she planned to … _live there._

With this idea in mind, Meredith began to purge her belongings during those last few weeks – _selling most of her furnishings to the other tenants in her building and donating the balance to a shelter for battered and abused women located near the school_ – thereafter, there wasn't much left … having sold her mother's house several years earlier and been through a similar process, she knew the ropes. In the end, all that remained were two boxes of her mother's beloved journals, some of her jewelry bequeathed to Meredith at the time of her death and one box of photos, belonging to both women. All of which was stored under her desk at the library – _and no one cared_ – she doubted anyone even noticed her things there, neatly labeled with her name in her recognizable scroll – _stowed and out of the way of everyday life_ – just as they would have been in an attic or a basement.

And so, with her plan in action, she carefully organized her new class and work schedule around the idea of redefining the phrase, _'living on campus' – by applying for a locker at the gymnasium where she would store her mother's jewelry, her clothing (both clean and soiled) and her toiletries_ – all with the intention of showering there in the morning and evening. Which worked for her, after all she had to shower and even if the stalls were cold and drafty and the warmth evaporated from her skin as soon as she turned the water off – _she was clean and presentable_ – and that's all she really cared for. She had no one to impress – _and that was the point, to remain unnoticed_ – she was merely in survival mode. Plus, there was this one thing, this small luxury … a clear diamond in the rough … a sliver of a silver lining … yes, it was true, this horrifying idea did come with one perk – _a fresh towel for each shower_ – and even better still, one she wasn't required to launder.

With her idea in mind, she asked to be reassigned to the late night-early morning shift at the medical library research desk where she had worked for the last three years, claiming a scheduling problem forced her into it. No one asked her for further details or second-guessed her decision to change shifts as most of her coworkers – _including Sissy, perhaps her only "friend" in town_ – knew she was tight with money and _'really needed the job'_. In fact, most of them were happy to give up their one designated night of the shared-shift, one that Sissy had long-since tried to convince the school they didn't need. But for the time being, Meredith was damned glad they didn't approve the cut because it afforded her the opportunity to sleep a little here and there when no one was around – _just catnaps most of the time, right at her desk_ – and just as she had expected … no one cared or noticed.

She also orchestrated her class schedule with a couple opportunities each week to take a long nap – _which she would have in any one of the free research rooms that could be found within the library or even on the sofas placed throughout the expansive buildings_ – students did this all the time – _simply napped, closed their eyes on a book_ – and if it was fine for them, it was for her too. No had to know she 'lived' there … and no one did – _she just blended in_ – and actually on those days when she caught up with her sleep for two or so uninterrupted hours, she felt more like a regular student than any other time … _including the time she spent in the classroom._

And so far – _almost three weeks into this new redefined way of life_ – she wasn't any worse for the wear, her energy seemed to be fine and in truth, she had been operating under some pretense of duress since the moment she entered medical school – _having a chronically ill parent or being homeless_ – the cause didn't really matter … she operated well under pressure, or so it seemed. Her grades remained good – _above average_ – and that's where she would keep them, for that was her modus operands – _she would rather tread water for her whole life than to sink_ – and nothing, not the passing of her mother or even being homeless would deter her from graduating first in her class this June.

Presently, Meredith walked along the last arterial street from the gymnasium to work – _having just showered for the night, the air felt cool against her flushed cheeks_ – she pulled her wool cap down over her skull, her damp dirty blond hair underneath, she wrapped her coat even tighter around her still, all in an effort to preserve her inner heat. She turned and walked up the large case of steps, the expansive library stood in front of her … the pillar of education – _the warm invitation of dull fluorescent lights and dry constant heat just ahead now_ – the large sliding doors opened and that familiar blast of hot air slammed into her … _she was home._

Glancing now at her watch, she decided to make a quick stop at the auxiliary cafeteria located on the main floor lounge area of the building before heading upstairs. There, she could grab a cheap sandwich to take with her, hoping there was at least one turkey and cheese on wheat left with her name on it. She made a beeline for _'grab-n-go'_ sandwich case where she surveyed her choices and found exactly what she was looking for, she smiled. An open window just above the case allowed a cold breeze to push its way through and just like that – _she was chilled to the bone, with her coat already open_ – she was defenseless against the cold that somehow seemed to inhabit her now.

She shivered, turning now to search for something to warm her up. She focused the selection of soups for a beat – _none of which appealed to her and were too expensive anyway_ – she crossed the area and thought to grab a cup of coffee, but again didn't want to spend the money – _food was literally consumable and she didn't have money to consume_ – every choice she made seemed to be about money lately. Stifling her inner desire for coffee now, Meredith settled for a cup of hot water _(free) – to which she added a slice of lemon (free) and two packets of honey (also free)_ – there … something hot, she surmised with a smile. She fit a lid to her cup and retreated back toward the cashier, fished the cash from the front pocket of her bag, said _'thank you'_ to the woman about her age and went off to work.

_She was exhausted …_

_… and it was only 9:00 PM._

_Her shift would end at 5:00 AM …_

_… her first class was at 8:00 AM._

With any luck, it would be a slow night – _hopefully she would get some studying in_ – and when her shift was over, even more hopefully she would be able to skip off to an empty room on another floor in the building and sleep for a couple of uninterrupted hours before heading off to class.

***

_All was quiet and warm as Meredith stepped from the elevator onto the research floor, what used to be her home away from home had simply become her home – in a matter of weeks – she began to feel this way every night – that she arrived home – as soon as she stepped over the threshold over the elevator, she relaxed. Yes, all was quiet and inviting and calm and peaceful. Her raging heart slowed down for a beat ... and she was home._

She began to feel this way, even over the weekends now when she would just hunker down during the daytime to study and nap interchangeably in one of the private study rooms … and work there by night. She already had her favorite rooms scoped out – _those tiny pockets off the beaten path, far and away from the bathrooms or elevators_ – those rooms located in the back, lost within a sea of books and papers, illuminated only by the dim fluorescent lights. _Home._

She turned now and walked down the main landing area toward the research desk – _she spotted Sissy engaged with a student, her short gray bob swung freely around her perfect heart-shaped face, her round spectacles unable to conceal her the sparkling interest in her eyes behind them_ – Meredith smiled; Sissy was an educator by trade – _a librarian for over thirty years_ – her knowledge of medicine education and publications was truly incredible. Plus, she had this way of making whoever she was talking to feel special because she truly was engaged and interested. She held eye contact and never wavered; listening intently before she asked for more information … all the while she made thoughtful suggestions. _She was a great listener._ The student departed and Meredith made eye contact with her friend, her soft brown eyes exuded the warmth and experience she had come to expect after so many years of knowing each other.

"You look tired Meredith," she greeted with a warm smile, failing to mask her concern.

"I am," Meredith breathed, walking around the large desk. "But I'm okay, just busy," she offered.

She came to stand next Sissy, set her sandwich and cup down before she shrugged her overstuffed backpack from her shoulders. She flipped her desk light on and then her computer before she made eye contact with her friend.

"I know, I know," she soothed, moving her hair from her face. She sat down at her desk. Meredith logged into her computer. "Can I get you anything before I go?" she asked, her voice soft, her question sincere.

"No, I think I'll be fine – _I hope it'll be slow_ – it would be nice to just study … one more day down," Meredith muttered, her heart quaked.

_She really needed Sissy to leave, all too often Meredith felt the urge to come clean to her trusted friend – she wanted to crumble and cry and breathe and stop hiding inside of her own books and the stacks and stacks of publications around her – but she never did, she still lacked the courage to say it out loud._

_She lost her place._

_She was homeless._

_Saying would surely make it her reality – and right now, it was just some alternate universe – a suspension of time and space that didn't really matter at all. She just needed to survive._

_On her own._

_For five more months._

On that thought, Meredith pulled her small desktop easel calendar forward. She glanced at Sissy who chuckled, shaking her head. The calendar – _held back by a paperclip_ – displayed a different Impressionist painting each month. Sissy of course knew that Meredith had a strong liking for the Impressionist works, especially those of Degas and Renoir, so it made for a great gift. What Sissy didn't know was that it so happened, Meredith's all time favorite Renoir painting was featured for the month of June – _the month of her graduation_ – a fact Meredith thought was a sign that everything might be aligned by the time graduation rolled around. She made an _'X'_ through the square, effectively marking the day … finishing it off, even though – _the days really never ended or began_ – days were slowly beginning to seep into nights at this point. Meredith yawned and pushed the calendar back into its place.

Sissy turned her computer off along, but left her light on. She stood and put her hand on Meredith's shoulder. Meredith looked up to find her friend's worried eyes. Her smile was sincere, her round face slightly flushed as she slipped her coat on. "Call me if you need anything," she instructed. "Charles is traveling, so it's just me at home …," she added before she fished a small plastic container from her bag sitting on the desk. "Here are some muffins for you – _bran, the kind you like best_ – please eat breakfast, Meredith … you're not eating enough, I can tell," she surmised gently.

Meredith stood and gave Sissy a hug. "Thanks Sissy," she whispered, her heart trembling, still unaccustomed to acts of genuine kindness or affection coming from other people. For she had lived under a veil of avoidance for a long time, never seeking love from her own mother … until it was too late. "I'll see you tomorrow night," she smiled, trying to hold it together for a brief moment longer.

Sissy surveyed her once more before she slipped her bag over her shoulder and winked at Meredith. "There's a couple of pending items in the date folder – _neither are urgent, so if you have some slow time and don't feel like studying_ – feel free to close them out," she instructed.

"Will do and thanks – _for the muffins_ – for … everything," Meredith replied evenly.

Sissy smiled and turned to go and just like that … Meredith was alone and all was quiet again. Likely Sissy would call her in a couple hours before she turned in for the night, it seemed to have become the older woman's routine ever since Meredith took the shift – _for she was worried (and this was no secret) that Meredith spent too much time alone_ – often pointing out that she should try to get out more now that her mother had passed away.

_Meredith looked through the container and smiled, Sissy really did make the best bran muffins and somehow her small gestures meant something – they made her feel like she wasn't truly alone – even though, the sense of loneliness Meredith carried within her was made from more than just these last few lonely years of spending her free time with her mother – it was a lifetime in the making – it was in fact her earliest childhood memory._

_Her eyes became glassy and her shroud of loneliness cloaked her now – making its canopy for the long night ahead – Meredith pushed the container aside and got busy, deciding to tackle those couple of pending items, knowing it would help Sissy out tomorrow when this desk was typically flooded with desperate students. As she worked her way through the electronic archives now, she let her mind wander for a beat, secretly wondering if "her couple" would show up tonight, as they typically did around this time of night. She sighed and shook her head, her eyes falling on the calendar once again._

_She grabbed it and unclipped the pages – leafing quickly to June – resting her eyes on the dream of … something … as it came to her like it did every time she looked at the painting, "In the Garden" ("Dans le jardin"), circa 1885, by her beloved Pierre-Auguste Renoir. Meredith was captivated by the painting in the same way now as she was the first time she laid her eyes upon it. The thing about it was – the man and his obvious adoration or obsession or lust or steadfast longing for the woman – who was perched within his embrace, boxed in … no doubt drawn to her man, soaking his affection up … her eyes soft, her gaze lost in some dreamlike state._

_And even now, as Meredith became lost within the lovers and his worship of her and her apparent acceptance as his idol – she always wondered what it would feel like to be her, this woman who had captivated a man – who drew his attention without making the first (and only) move like she used to. And even though her bouts of lonely one night stands ended a long time ago, those old feelings of solitude never really departed, rather they took up residence. In truth, it had been a long time, perhaps her lifetime, since she had been noticed by anyone._

Meredith sighed, allowing herself to bask in the lovers' station for a moment longer – _June wasn't that far off now, June was attainable, June, June, June_ – she closed the pages and clipped the calendar back to January. She took a sip of her lukewarm _water-lemon-honey-mock-tea_ and eyed her sandwich, literally her last meal of the day. Thank God for Sissy's muffins she mused, acknowledging that her friend's gesture saved her more than just money … but from a bout of extreme loneliness too.

She eyed the sandwich and went back to her work, she'd eat later. Focusing now she found one of the reference materials in the date file, she electronically clipped it and sent it to her printer and began to look for the next item, watching from the corner of her eye as she spotted _her couple'_ situate themselves at their usual table. Her mind floating to the Renoir for a beat before she watched the man and woman in front of her now – _their obvious love and tolerance for one another evident by their untamed demonstrativeness, their playful banter_ – they were a modern day version of the couple portrayed the painting. _They were in love._

They were about her age and she was captivated by them and much like the painting, she had watched them – _looked at them_ – for years. She noticed the woman first actually – _with her long blond hair and bright blue eyes and a body to die for, she was feisty, she had an untamed fire_ – and seemed like she wouldn't take shit from anyone. She was bright with her perfect smile and perfectly rosy cheeks – _resembling a model than a college student_ – but none of the former drew Meredith to the woman to begin with because as bright as she was – _she was incredibly serious too and there were times when her eyes would cloud over with acute sadness and seclusion, like she had seen more than her fair share of tragedy, like no one in the world could understand her_ – and in that small way, Meredith felt like she knew her.

And if the woman was a tigress – _well, then the man was her tiger with his dark eyes, no-nonsense demeanor and seriously defined facial features to boot, he was the quintessential playground bully, he'd grown up fighting for himself_ – a tiger and a jock through and through with his chiseled body and keen brown eyes. Meredith could tell from his stance that he was perpetually ready for a fight, he kept his defenses erected like the wall of a safe – _nothing could get in it seemed_ – noting besides … maybe the tigress. Meredith first noticed him several years ago too, perhaps around the time she first noticed the woman. She watched many women flock to him – _smiling, offering small bits of themselves to him (much like she might of a long time ago)_ – but it was clear from the beginning, much like the man in the Renoir, he didn't have eyes for anyone else.

_Over time Meredith watched the man fall for the woman from afar without ever saying a word to her … and within those private moments of his, he became less of a tiger and more of her prisoner. Until one day his wall was dismantled and he finally smiled at her; his whole face changing as he did and Meredith imagined he looked a lot like the boy he might have been a long time ago. And from that moment on – they were together, they were a couple – and they became "her couple", much like the lovers in the Renoir._

And so she watched them now – _all these years later_ – as they settled down to study – _the woman in a fit of laughter over something her lover said to her_ – his serious brown eyes locked on her blue ones, they were oblivious to the world around them, perhaps their troubles in life were over or they simply found someone to absorb some of their history so they weren't so sad or lonely or serious anymore. Whatever it was about them, whenever they were around … Meredith realized that she missed the warmth of a man and that she quite possibly desired companionship like theirs.

For as often as they made her smile inside, it was true; Meredith longed for someone to – _notice her_ – just like the tiger noticed the tigress or the man was innately drawn to his lover deep within the canvas of the Renoir.

_Meredith closed her eyes for a split-second now, she heard the man growl with laughter and she smiled and a stock image of the Renoir floated in her mind's eye – June, June, June was almost here, the Renoir was almost here – all she had to do was survive … all she had to do was go unnoticed … be invisible … until June._

**Chapter 3 to follow.**

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_If you want a link to the Renoir, you will have to PM me ... I know I can't post a link here. Although you could and should easily be able to copy and paste the title into your search engine to see an image though. _


	3. Chapter 3, Black Unrest

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for the comments for this story, it means a lot considering the sad start, bear with me, I do have a point here. So ... no takers on the other themes or stories built into this one, who represents whom as the stories continue to play out? And no comments on the "familiarity" and who Meredith's "couple" might be?  
****  
****Regardless, enjoy this part and by all means, please continue to tell me what you think, your comments and feedback mean a lot to me.**

**Chapter 3 –Black Unrest**

It was finally Monday morning – _or not finally_ – because it would all start again … the routine, the endless task of the empty charade – _week after week after week_ – with the perpetual cold and that role of nausea in her stomach from hunger – _no, it didn't hurt, it was ever-present, slightly more than a pang_ – and when it came down to it, it was a matter of her alerted metabolic rate which had become even more demanding now that she was awake for more hours of the day and night. So as happy as Meredith was that yet another week was underway, the truth was that she could have used another weekend on top of this one.

She shivered deep inside the fleece lining of black hoodie, it had rained all weekend – _black, endless, haphazard, icy, cold rain _– so naturally she spent even less time outdoors, making a mad dash to and from the gymnasium on two occasions to shower and change during the daytime hours. There was no denying it, she was exhausted. Her dry eyes said as much and she needed sleep – _uninterrupted sleep for hours and hours and hours, she needed the velvet black hole that came with deep sleep_ – she just needed her subconscious self to shut off completely.

_Blinking hard now, Meredith eyed her calendar carefully, longing to cross of yet another day … longing to turn the calendar from February to March. Tomorrow she could turn the page forward – another full month was gone – completed … done with._

She smiled, feeling the slightest bit of relief in sending the last of her back rent to her landlord – _at least it was done_ – even if she had been tighter than ever with money for food … at least she had kept her promise,_ she was free from the debt. _Admittedly, the whole ordeal had bothered her great deal _– to leave someone hanging like that_ – but it had to be done, Claire's life was hanging in the balance … and so was Floret's. Their station weighing on Meredith's mind most of the night and previous day – _until the wee hours of the morning when Meredith finally decided to send Floret yet another email _– finding it alarming that she had not heard from her in over a week.

A terrifying range of thoughts moved through her mind, she breathed in and closed her eyes for a long moment, listening to the quiet sounds of the early morning library; allowing the void to lull her for a beat. She opened her eyes _– happy to see_ _everything was as she left it, not a soul in sight_ – the small blink of one of the fluorescent lights, still blinking just as it began to at around midnight,_ blink, blink, blink … tick-tock, tick-tock._

_It was just another week, just one more week, one more day, one more minute, one more second, she sighed inside … _

_Survive one more day … one more tick of the clock … the hands moved forward …it was only time …_

_Just get through the day of classes and get back to work, she coached herself …_

_Get yourself home to the warm quiet of the library and everything will be okay and another day can be crossed off … _

_Yes, the warmth of June would come and the promise of a research fellowship would almost be hers. _

Having already submitted her applications to the most distinguished Alzheimer's research programs months ago, the letters were finally coming in – _and really Meredith would write her own ticket_ – with her grades and dedication preceding her, plus the story of her _inspiration (the claiming of the famed Ellis Grey to Alzheimer's, also her mother)_ … the choice was essentially hers. She didn't have to sell herself; it was the other way around. So at the end of all this, there was a sliver of hope – _because when June finally came around_ – this _time_ in her life – _this alternate universe she had suffused herself in would in fact disappear_ – and she would be free to transcend above it all.

_She just had to get there … to the warmth of June. _

Glancing at her watch now, Meredith realized that Sissy would arrive to relieve her within the next half hour – _which was an anomaly_ – she typically didn't work the early shift, but Meredith for one was glad she had agreed to come in because in truth, it would be nice to see a friendly face. Her email browser chimed, she had a new message … _Floret._ Her heart sank; she squirmed in her seat, pressing her palms against her thighs – _'please, please, please'_ – she whispered out loud, feeling the rough groove of the denim fabric as she did. She closed her eyes on a silent prayer before she opened the message.

_Dearest Meredith,_

_I write to you with sad news … my girl, my beloved Claire is still missing … I fear the worst now, for it has been almost two months and it is cold here, so very cold and the nights are so … very black. I dare to ask myself – how can a child survive a winter without her mother, her parents – I know Claire is strong for a young person, but still … my friend, how can this be, how will she persevere?_

_I apologize for neglecting you my friend, my dear Meredith, but I find I am losing myself within the loss of my daughter – I cannot sleep, I cannot close my eyes knowing she is cold … or hungry … or worse even still – I cannot rest when I have no right to do so._

_So it is my station now, consumed with this turn of events in my life, one in which represents a horrible status of limbo and I often wonder if coming to the States to look for work was worth it now … would she still be with me had I been here to watch over her? This is a mother's plea; a mother's … burden and heartache._

_When I know more, regardless of the news, I will send a message, meanwhile it is so lovely to hear from you Meredith – you are a light – a light for me, while mine continues to burn out … pray for us all … pray for my Claire and I shall pray for you as well. _

_Yours in friendship and so much more,_

_Floret_

Meredith swallowed hard, her mouth went dry and the persistent hunger in her belly subsided. Claire was still missing …the child was still alone and frightened and cold. A small tear slipped from her eye – _popping free of its own accord_ – giving Meredith no reaction time … she let it be as she stared at Floret's ache and pain laid out on the screen in front of her.

_She closed her eyes but Floret's pain and black cold was still there, etched in her mind's eye for now and all time. Her heart pinched with worry, constricting now … tighter, and tighter, and tighter until she could barely breathe. She took a gulp of air, a faint line of dew rested above her top lip, she felt hot, but cold at the same time. She let herself sink for a beat until she heard Sissy's concerned voice._

"_Meredith dear?"_ she asked, Meredith felt her hand on her shoulder. _"Whatever is it?"_ she prompted softly, fear washed over her for a beat.

Meredith opened her eyes to find Sissy's unwavering gaze laden with worry. "Floret," Meredith choked out. "Her daughter is still missing …," she elaborated.

"Oh dear," Sissy murmured, pulling a chair over, she sat next to Meredith, resting her hand over her bony shoulder. Sissy glanced at Meredith then, taking in her side profile … she pressed her lips together; _the girl had somehow lost even more weight!_

_Listening now as Meredith spoke to her about the last few emails she had received from Floret, Sissy's heart sank – not only for Floret and Claire – but for Meredith too, for she realized now that her instincts were right, something had gone dreadfully wrong … Meredith was derailed somehow. _

_She wondered for a moment if it was a problem with a man – but then quickly dismissed the idea, full well knowing Meredith hadn't shown the least bit of interest in the male libido (or her own for that matter) in all the time she had known her. No, it was more than that … whatever happened at the beginning of the year was taking its toll and it wasn't just the change in her work schedule – it was a change in her – in the innate being of Meredith's true self and Sissy couldn't help but feel a small piece of her young friend was missing. _

_She was lost._

_Meredith was exhausted and that was no secret to Sissy – but now, her skin was also pale, almost translucent, like she lacked nourishment – the rosy tint to her cheeks was all but gone along with the sparkle that typically resided within her unique green eyes. Yes, a wrong turn was made somewhere along the line –Meredith was depressed and deflated and defeated and broken – and one thing was for sure: she would never want to talk about it._

_And for that Sissy was regretful because she had an idea of what was wrong – a suspicion of her own but she didn't know how to ask – so she did this instead … cared for her friend in the most unobtrusive, yet influential of ways: she mothered her._

"It's hopeless," Meredith sighed. "What's happening – _she's missing, Floret's falling apart_ – it's hopeless! How long can she last … how much more can she take?" Meredith asked, searching for answers now, although for a beat – _she wondered if she wasn't talking about Claire_ – but herself.

"People are made to endure Meredith – _people overcome adversity all the time_ – they find themselves … _perhaps in a place they can't fathom_ …," she sighed, watching Meredith's eyes shift now. "But my point is … they survive, if they have some sense of direction … some matter of …," Sissy counseled.

"Hope," Meredith finished for her.

"Yes," Sissy breathed. "Listen, I'm early … _I mean it's really early," _she chuckled."Why don't I go down and get us some breakfast, then you can eat something before you go … home," she offered, her brown eyes searching, scrutinizing without judgment.

"Oh, you know … I'm not going home before class – _I might just crash here, in the back room_ – if that's okay," Meredith replied, her voice stacked – _unaccustomed to making excuses for her not going home_ – the other staff didn't care, they understood, but they were also students. Sissy eyed her carefully.

"That's fine – _I'll bring something back for you, you go lie down, if anyone comes up, they can just wait _– you need to eat Meredith," she instructed as she stood. "I'll be back shortly," she said with her trademark smile and then she was gone. Meredith blinked at the screen in front of her … what the hell could reply to Floret that would make a damn bit of difference for her state of mind?

_A mother's anguish stared back at her now as Meredith tried to align herself with them, finding it easy to relate to both of their plights, hoping against all hope that Claire had her own Renoir tucked safely in her mind's eye – her own trinket of hope – and that she would use it to find her way back to her mother's undying love and affection. _

Feeling dizzy, Meredith's head spun from all the talk about silver linings etched within black hope. After a minute, she shut her computer down, she would answer Floret tonight, by tonight she would know what to say … she would give it some thought today. She made to stand – _figuring she could restock a couple of the older reference volumes back upon their perch on the high shelf before she would go lay down_ – she felt a wave of nausea crash along her shoulders and seep into her skin and nerves and blood vessels.

_She lost herself for a beat._

She steadied herself against her desk for a minute before she grabbed the heavy texts and navigated her way to the back wall. Once there, she set the books down on a lower shelf – _they made a muted clanking sound against the metal shelf_ – the sound rang in her ears – _it hurt, their dull pitch calling to her akin to an ancient gong_ – reverberating with such intensity that it threw her equilibrium off … she blinked hard.

Shaking her head, she held on to the sides of the metal ladder and walked up a few steps, reaching down she grabbed one of the volumes and held it with one hand while she held its place with the other. Hoisting the sizeable book up with one hand she tossed it onto the shelf – _sighing in defeat_ – full well knowing that a month ago she would have never been winded by the menial task. She reached down for the next book and that's when it happened.

_The ground opened up and the slow yawn of a chasm – stretching in size now – as the room spun and the rows and rows of books and fluorescent lights swirled together, both perfectly inviting and perfectly terrifying at the same time – her head spun around and around, her eyes lost focus – until black hole of nothingness appeared._

_Her stomach heaved – bile rose in her throat where it stayed, it tasted like bubbles, tiny acidic bubbles, she swallowed them – her heart caught on fire, the acid commingling with the fire … the reaction causing some kind of internal combustion or system overload until it finally burst._

_She couldn't breathe!_

_Her head began to spin again as it banged against something strong and hard and sharp … warm heat stung her flesh …_

_She smelled iron … blood …_

_She breathed inside as she heard the soft, reassuring timbre of Sissy's voice … panic, panic, panic …_

_And yet, she let herself fall into the inviting black hole of the abyss…it swallowed her whole … _

_She sighed as she let her subconscious mind fall, fall, fall …far and away …far and away …_

_Further and further away now from the endless cold showers … and the lukewarm tea … and the makeshift beds and the incessant, flickering fluorescent lights … _

_And then it happened … her burden was lifted along with the colossal charade and all of a sudden …_

_She acquiesced to the quiet solitude of unconsciousness where everything was black and warm and a welcome diversion from the mess her life had become …and only then did she truly relax and let the restful blackness of sleep consume her._

**Chapter 4 to follow.**


	4. Chapter 4, Ashen Light

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: I am reluctant to add more chapters to this story, but I think it's on page 99 by now, so if anyone was ever going to read and comment, I figured I better move it up. If you are reading, please leave a note. I know this story seems to have a dismal beginning … but some of the great stories do, where characters overcome adversity and their varnish becomes shiny again … come on give me a chance. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 4 – Ashen Light**

There were those moments in life – _the ones where everything felt aligned or perfect or perfectly aligned_ – they were the sighs of relief or the diamonds in the rough or a royal flush. They were the small moments of unforeseen beauty … the ones that it took being at the right place at the right time.

_Derek Shepherd loved those moments. _

For him, most of the time – _the bright white moments of clarity, precision and alignment occurred in the OR_ – where for the most part, he was presented with a cluster known facts and was challenged to find the unknown and repair or remove it. _Anomalies, aneurysms, tumors … they were his best friends and his worst enemies._ And world class neurosurgeon aside – _he counted on those known facts; they were what he based his instincts on_ – and he lived by his instincts.

_Derek Shepherd trusted his instincts._

And so, he lived by those moments of clarity housed deep within the trenches of the OR where he would trust his instincts to the bitter end. Because there was a certain protocol, there were boundaries and a sense of balance he found within himself that he had never felt outside the OR – _he couldn't explain it if he tried_ – except to know that he never really felt whole or comfortable in his own skin outside the OR.

The OR brought his confidence out, it made him feel alive … _it made him matter._ And sometimes he wanted to feel that – _from people outside of his family_ – he wanted to matter, experts might call it displaced love or acceptance – _Derek_ _didn't know what to call it_ – all he knew was that he was tired of looking for someone who might be able to fulfill this part in his life … this destiny … this prophesy.

_So even now, at times like this when things were not going according to plan …_

_Even now as he felt the rush of adrenaline pummel his nerves …_

_Even now when the loss of blood was too much for his patient to bear and her organs were shutting down all around her, meshing together, losing their functionality … even now …_

_Especially now when the universe was completely tipped to its side and she bled out, her beautiful brain, no match for the prowess of her aneurysm …_

_Even now as his heart raged inside for the life he could not save, despite his capable hands and watchful eyes … even now … _

Yes, especially now as Derek closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, waiting for the calm to come for him while he readied himself to call her time of death – _anticipating the culmination of the surge of his clarity and the swell of his instincts_ – as he prepared to live through the perfect imbalance of the universe to arrive on the other side … of her life … of his life.

_Even now. Especially now when he was her only hope … their only hope … until he wasn't._

"Time of death, 4:02 AM," he stated, his breath hitched in his throat.

_His heart clenched hard, feel something – squeeze, squeeze, squeeze – but it was no use, his mind was already on her husband … the patient of the patient._

And like so many times before, Derek arrived at a stalemate of sorts, for maybe it was better this way, after all, to never love – _to never find his missing piece, his other half _– was to never lose her, to never walk away, to never fall hard – _except he wanted 'it'_ – and a small piece of him always would. For deep down he craved companionship and knew that no job (not even the coveted Chief of Surgery position) would suffice as a replacement. _It was more than true, he'd rather die of a broken heart than to live … alone … forever._

Derek's internal cacophony began to level off as the structured chaos and bright lights he came to rely on swarmed all around him while he quietly offered praise to the team for their efforts – _while the world fell away and he lived inside the moment for a beat, allowing his patient's death to become real _– all the while his active mind was trying to wrap itself around the imminent talk with her husband, a nice guy, a good guy about Derek's age. He backed away from the table and out of the forefront and into the background – _seep, seep, seep_ – until he exited the OR and turned to scrub out.

***

Minutes later Derek walked down the deserted hallway, stopping briefly at the Nurses' Station, he grabbed a small bottle of cold water and a box of tissues before he continued on – _the light from the waiting room, a beacon … but not of hope, no … for this was a hopeless situation_ – he sighed, his footsteps were the only sound he could hear – _his heartbeat was faint, sinking deeper and deeper into his chest with each passing step_ – if there at all by the time he stepped into the dimly lit room where the reality of his patient's death stared back at him … Gloria's husband … a lone survivor now … Jim Washburn.

"Mr. Washburn," Derek said softly as the young man stood to greet him, his tired eyes scanning Derek's – _back and forth, back and forth_ – losing his hope … _now … now … now._

"Just say it," he replied evenly, broken already, he paced away from Derek and came to stand in front of a large set of windows.

_Derek crossed the waiting area and stood with the grieving man – shoulder to shoulder, watching the storm outside – he glanced to his right taking Jim's appearance in – his blond hair disheveled, his brown eyes puffy and red, his shoulders slumped – Derek pressed his lips together, briefly wondering what it would be like to sit on the other side of things and wait … to wait while a surgeon tried to outwit someone else's fate or destiny._

_After a minute, he watched a tear slip from the Jim's eyes and then another and another as the rage of the storm outside lived on – an alternating pattern of rain spat furiously against the glass now – the unforgiving black night stared back at them. Derek swallowed hard and forced himself to speak._

"Your wife's injuries from the collision …," Derek spoke softly. "They were … just too much for her to overcome," Derek sighed, he felt the man grow tense. "The aneurysm that caused her seizure was exacerbated by her internal bleeding … we did everything we could," he elaborated – _gently giving the man the medical reason for his beloved's death_ – knowing none of what he said made a damn bit of difference.

"Oh my … Glory," came his trill call. "My …Gloria," he breathed, stifling a deep sob now as tears sprang from his eyes. "My Glory," he heaved, finally craning his neck back – _more tears streamed down his cheeks and into the crease of his neck_ – another sob rocked his large frame akin to the swell of a tidal wave.

_Derek watched his body convulse, knowing that bile and acid were likely burning him up from the inside out by now – heaving, he rushed to a nearby trashcan, leaned over and hurled – sobbing again while the inertia of his emotions conquered him as he emptied the contents of his stomach. Derek approached him, yanking a wad of tissues from the box as he did, he held them out._

"Fuck," Jim muttered, dabbing the tissues over his mouth, spitting one last time into the trashcan before he straightened up and made eye contact with Derek _– his watery brown eyes bloodshot now, still looking for answers_ – likely knowing there were none to be found.

Derek didn't answer, instead he allowed him to take the lead – _watching now as he paced for a beat_ – before he sat down on a nearby chair and heaved another sigh. He was defeated. He shook his head. Derek sat down next to him, the storm banging against the window in front of them. He handed the bottle of water to him and set the tissue box on the floor near his chair. Jim opened the bottle and took a sip. _Each move perfunctory … necessary only for survival of the moment._

"Is there anyone I can call for you?" Derek asked, realizing it seemed he was alone in the ordeal … and on that thought, something pinched his heart, a dull ache … what was it – _grief, loneliness, empathy_ – perhaps a powerful combination of all three.

_More tears came, the rain splattered against the windows in tandem. The men no match for the prowess of the storms that raged both inside and outside the hospital now … combining forces, there was nowhere to hide, there was no sacred place, no refuge to be had. No protection from the awful truth … his beloved, his young, beautiful wife was dead._

"No," he croaked out. His head hung low, another sob wracked his large frame. "There is … no … one … else …," he charged in defeat.

"I … I wish the circumstances were different," Derek offered sincerely. "You should know she was never in any pain," he consoled softly. All was quiet for a minute – _Washburn stared at the carpeted floor just in front of them_ – his eyes closing now before he spoke.

"Two months ago …," he cried, fresh tears splashed along his strong features now. "I promised to take care of her forever – _my Glory, she was everything to me, for me_ – I promised in front of God and a few hundred people … nothing was supposed to happen to her … she was … my life," he sighed – _resting his hand over his heart_ – he stared at Derek.

_Derek shook his head and shrugged, allowing him to talk, to grieve … to absorb the egregious twist of fate._

"I wish … I'm so sorry for your pain," Derek said evenly pressing his lips together, trying his best to still his aching heart.

"Then … I get this job … and we moved here, we didn't know soul and now – _what am I supposed to tell her father_ – oh God and her mother! This can't be happening, it's not … it's … she was young and perfect," he sobbed, losing all control – _he broke down_ – he was dislodged. "She's gone – _she's missing_ – my Glory … is missing," he cried, his eyes closed tight, his hands clenched into tight fists.

_Derek pressed a hand on his shoulder and looked away for a beat, unable to focus on Jim's plight now – for at times like this, he was a nothing more than a conduit, a vessel – for he was the sounding board, the preacher tucked deep within his confessional … the man who witnessed the end … her last breath. And yes, even though Derek was often the container of unshed emotions … sometimes it was just too much for him to bear. For now he was distraught inside … falling apart at the seams._

_And especially with this case for some reason, from the moment he saw them roll into the pit, he thought – car wreck withstanding, seizure aside – Jim and Gloria Washburn were deeply in love, clearly smitten with one another … essentially encapsulating everything Derek ever wanted. _

_So now, considering Derek's apparent longing for what just slipped through Jim Washburn's fingers … it hit close to home. Derek shook his head and turned his attention back to the grieving man – for whether it was Washburn's loss or his intense feelings for his new wife didn't actually matter – it mattered only that it was over before it ever really began … for they were newlyweds, newly … wed, newlyweds. Derek's heart quaked – Jim's loss was palpable and in that moment he felt a fraction of the man's pain and it hurt – like hell._

"She's … gone, but not missing … do you want to see her?" Derek asked within a moment of clarity. His voice cracked, his heart ached; Washburn cocked his head.

"What … isn't she a mess?" he asked cautiously, he set the water bottle down on the floor.

"No … no," Derek sighed, making a sidelong glance his way. "Her aneurysm was back here," he elaborated, pointing to the back right quadrant of his own head. "Her bleeding was … internal … so no … she's …," he sighed, his voice trailed off as he caught a glimpse of Jim's reflection in the glass in front of them – _they looked similar, he and Jim_ – of about the same age, both distraught and broken in their unique ways.

"At peace …," Jim muttered, trying to find a word, any word to fill the void.

"I like to think so," Derek replied.

The men sat in relative silence for a beat now, both in limbo – _only the fury of the rain and perhaps Jim's angry heart could be heard_ – Derek took a deep breath, watching grief consume the young husband, once again wondering if love was worth it – _wondering if Jim knew then what he came to find out _– would he have let himself fall to begin with … would he have taken the risk at all … _would he have moved in the direction of love?_ The rain pelted down – _having hardly let up for the entire weekend_ – not that it mattered anyway for Derek spent most of it inside … working … and saving … until tonight.

"If I could make myself move … I would already be there," sighed Jim, he covered his mouth with his hand, tears collected in his eyes.

"Take all the time you need," Derek encouraged, keeping his eyes trained on his reflection in the black glass … wondering now how he would move himself with the impediment of a broken heart.

***

_Was it worth it – Derek dared himself to ask – standing just inside the scrub room, just on the outside of love, looking in now as he watched Jim with a keen eye while he said his final 'good-bye' to Gloria – his Glory, his new wife, his future – her pale complexion shimmering against the dim fluorescent lights, wondering now exactly how Jim would come to do it: inform her parents __of their beloved daughter's premature death, thereby allowing his horror to become theirs as well. _

_Was love was worth it – he'd often wondered, but now felt compelled to know – because there were moments like this when Derek felt slightly redeemed in his subconscious decision to avoid relationships … and the love and companionship he so innately desired._

_Was the avoidance of balance worth it – spending time alone, hiding his life away inside the hospital, fearing love, poised to lose himself in the Chief of Surgery position – finding solace only within the four walls of the OR, where he felt protected from harsh vulnerability of the twists and turns of fate … love's wrath._

_Derek was out of answers – his instincts were muted, stymied – for all he knew was that Jim was a mess and Gloria was dead and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it – nothing but turn a blind eye as he normally would – readying himself now as Jim pressed a small kiss to Gloria's temple, no doubt trying to breath her in, trying to find her true essence amongst the beautiful carnage of her death. The man loved her and now he had to live without her … to live with the phantom of the balance she once provided to him naturally, without even trying._

_Was it worth it, was love worth it – Derek felt certain it was not – the sliding door opened, Jim crossed the threshold to the other side … his back to Gloria now._

"I'm the one who's lost … it's me … not her," Jim muttered. "How on earth am I supposed to come back from this?" he asked; his eyes bloodshot _– his sanity and sense of balance_ – all but gone.

"Maybe you're not," Derek sighed, stealing one last glance at the balance of Gloria's silent form before made to usher Jim into the corridor.

"Maybe you're right," Jim conceded weakly, looking back at Gloria's peaceful form before he turned away from her for the last time.

***

Derek glanced at his watch as he walked down the dim hallway, Gloria Washburn's file tucked safely under his arm – _he was off in about a half hour_ – and after having worked all weekend, spending most of his time inside the hospital, adding to that the misery of the couple of hours, he was more than ready to be off from work – _except he wasn't, for deep down he wasn't ready for uninterrupted time_ – he sighed heavily, pressing his lips together when Nurse Tyler gave him a sympathetic smile. He shook his head and continued on his way to grab a cup of coffee.

Admittedly, buying forty acres of Seattle's finest land had been a fantastic idea nine months ago when he moved – _but now, especially with the surreal resonation of Jim's pain lodged somewhere deep inside his mind_ – going home seemed like a lonely prospect and like so many other times since he had moved, Derek didn't want time alone to mull over the sad events that sometimes encircled him.

He smiled now, maybe he should have gone into obstetrics like his sister Nancy had suggested all those years ago, after all delivering babies, while an on-call profession, was arguably a happier one – _but then there was the human brain and it's long extension of nerves that ran throughout the human body, they were all so beautiful, so delicate, so complicated _– he was intrigued from the onset and that intrigue quickly turned into an obsession, a thirst for knowledge and a hunger to find and fix those even more complicated and beautiful anomalies.

And that's where he stood – _wrapped up in his own avoidance_ – turning inward, relying on his intrigue to get him through the loneliness of life, falling hard into work and his eventual acceptance of Richard Webber's offer to assume the Chief of Surgery when he retired. A position Derek still wasn't sure he wanted – _but one that he knew would keep him busy_ – one that might allow him some _'success and fulfillment'_ (_his mentor's baritone filling his mind now_) … competing with that of his deceased father's who would have argued this point with him, preaching that – _'success is in the family, success is making a life with someone you cherish and love more than you love yourself'_ – except that with too many false starts and failed affairs under his belt … Derek had given up on those ideals (_for now_) and had decided to accept Richard's proposition, which would make him, at the age of thirty-five, one of the youngest (_and busiest_) Chief's of Surgery in the country.

_Saving him once again – his faithful pager rang out – pulling him from that never-ending circle of thoughts, the chain that offered link after link of personal woes together, leaving Derek somewhere in the middle of hopeless and confused. He glanced down … 911 from the pit; he tossed his coffee cup in a nearby trashcan and headed down to his … savior._

***

"What do we have?" Derek asked the team of EMT's amid the scuffle as they moved the gurney into a private triage area.

"Twenty-eight year old female, fell from a high shelf over at the college, banged her head, still unconscious," barked one of the technicians.

Derek peered over the unconscious young woman – _the energy of the last several hours and chaos of the ER fell away now_ – as he pulled on a pair of rubber gloves and surveyed her condition. Pressing his fingers evenly along her wound – _apart from a superficial laceration on her head along her hairline_ – she seemed _'young and perfect'_ … Jim's voice flew in an out of his mind. He smiled tightly.

"Hey Miranda," Derek greeted as his friend charged up to the small group; he smiled, scanning her dark brown eyes. She was as tired as he – _she hadn't been on-call over weekend_ – but she had a newborn at home, which really redefined the term.

"Derek," she said breathlessly, already checking the woman for other injuries, cutting her black hoodie right down the middle, revealing her pale skin and lithe frame.

"So, how far did she fall?" Derek inquired – _puzzled by the woman's persistent unconsciousness_ – Miranda waved smelling salts under her nose … _no reaction._

"No one saw her fall, her friend, an older lady who was gonna follow us here – _she said she must have fallen from a ladder while putting some heavy publications away _– ah … it's not clear what she banged her head on though – _the side of the binder could have made that cut or maybe the metal shelving_ – the cut's not that deep," the technician answered thoroughly.

"No it's not," Derek answered, moving his hands though her dirty blond locks, he moved a lap pad to cover her wound … her crimson blood saturated the pad immediately.

"Everything else was normal, relatively speaking _– no sign of internal bleeding or other trauma, prelim tests confirm, her counts are fine_ – she never needed oxygen … she's just –"

"Unconscious for no good reason," deemed Miranda, adjusting the patient's heart monitor … her slow, steady rhythm filled the silence around them.

"Okay fellas, we'll take it from here … thank you," Derek stated, already lost in the admissions work-up for the young woman as the EMT's departed. The door closed behind them and all was quiet again.

"So … I'll take this, get an intern to take her for a full set of scans," Miranda stated evenly, trying to gauge her friend's assessment, for if it were surgical … he'd have taken her up already.

"You know what, I'll take her," Derek said pensively, looking up briefly before set the chart down at the foot of the gurney.

"Um … aren't you off?" Miranda asked, positioning herself on the other side of the gurney.

"Yeah," he answered, opening the door wide, he pulled the gurney through the door. "But something's not right and –"

"And you're avoiding Dr. Shepherd," Miranda answered smartly as they began to move down the hallway.

"Dr. Bailey," Derek challenged; he raised his brow, smiling at his friend's attempt to draw him out of _'hiding'_ yet again.

"Don't _'Dr. Bailey'_ me!" she exclaimed, the smile fading from her face, for she was worried about her friend, worried that he'd never have a full life if he didn't do more than work and hide out in the woods.

"Well," Derek scoffed. "That's what it says on your name tag there … see …," Derek chided.

Once again trying to make light of the precarious situation he found himself in whenever Miranda challenged him. He sighed inside, his heart twisting this way and that – _he just didn't want her to worry_ – he had enough people worried about him and in truth, he really only needed her friendship.

Derek met Miranda's worried eyes before she cast them down and away – _checking the patient's resting heartbeat while she shook her head in wonderment over her friend's blatant excuses to avoid making a life outside of the hospital_ – full well knowing that he would be signing said life away in the matter of months when he assumed Webber's job. Also knowing as much as Derek did that the job would come with another (_even more sacred_) sacrifice … time in his beloved OR. His avoidance would become his life and try as she might, for some reason Miranda had taken it to be one of her many personal responsibilities to help him – _to help him save himself from the disaster that could become his –_ and his alone. _She shook her head … Mrs. Shepherd was right, mothering was a bitch._

"Miranda," Derek said with a resigned sigh, drawing his friend away from her internal tirade. "I'm gonna say _I'm fine_ because right now, I am – _I had a shit morning already and I_ – I … just need this … to figure her out," he whispered, looking down at the young unconscious woman.

"I know …you'll find me when you know more," she silently acquiesced – _because from what she heard, he'd had a shit morning already and sometimes_ – sometimes, even surgeons needed some hope … to solve a mystery …to come out on top.

The doctors stopped at the elevators. "So, does _'Sleeping Beauty'_ here have a name?" he asked, his mind moving through the litany of known facts he had to work with, already deep in thought over her refusal to wake up.

Miranda flipped her chart open. "She does – _Grey, Meredith Grey_ – says here, she's a med student," she replied.

"Well then that explains it, she's sleep deprived!" Derek laughed at his lame joke.

"And then there were three, you and me … and this one here," Miranda smiled as the elevator doors opened. Derek shuffled inside with the gurney. Miranda waved and the doors shut.

And then all was quiet, leaning down; Derek spoke into his patient's ear. "And then there were two – _you and me_ – and I'm the one who's gonna make sure you wake up Meredith Grey," he said in a small voice that did not betray his confidence because his instincts told him he would … and because Derek Shepherd lived by his instincts.

**Chapter 5 to follow.**


	5. Chapter 5, 'Grey' Area

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to the couple of you who are reading AND commenting on this story, your words mean a lot and I will continue to post chapters especially for you!**

**Chapter 5 – 'Grey' Area**

The following early morning hours had proved to be quiet for Derek if nothing else. Aside from Miranda, no one of importance (_to him_) knew he was still at the hospital – _he was supposed to be at home sleeping; or in his case rolling around restlessly in his bed _– he shook his head at his insanity again now … he was in limbo, his life had become the quintessential _'gray area'_.

_His mind as gray as the morning sky … eerily so … raging quiet, a complex paradox … hallow … unforgiving. _

He sighed and peeked up from his paperwork, his eyes rolling over the young woman's relaxed form, temporarily lulled by the predictable beat of her heart monitor – _intermittent, even, soft and quick_ – he closed his eyes for a half a second … _beep, beep_ … he opened them.

A diminutive amount of blood appeared in the midst of the bright white bandage affixed to his patient's tiny wound. He would have to change the bandage again in another few minutes – _for the flow of blood had been constant _– not enough to constitute a hazardous loss as of yet …but for someone of her size and bone density, it could be damaging. She was tough though – _a survivor_ – he could tell that much ... and loss of blood withstanding, she would come-to soon … only not soon enough in his book.

_He was missing something … and in more ways than one, he could admit that was true._

Somewhere deep inside he cringed, once again losing himself inside a small private moment (_those times when he gently shoved the truth in his own face_), one of those rare times when he would fully admit that as nice as the isolation of his land was – _he sometimes missed the filtered noise coming from the city, from a life other than his own_ – ruefully admitting now that he'd gotten more meaningful hours of sleep in a shared on-call room at Grace than most nights he spent out at the trailer alone.

For sometimes it was just too quiet – _and quiet surroundings often led to thinking … wishful thinking … about companionship or white noise, or his need for someone in the foreground of his life … perhaps someone to keep his eye on_ – only at this juncture, Derek wasn't ready to think … except that presently, he _needed_ to think … and not about the shambles of his life – _but of his very quiet patient, Meredith Grey – _and what might be making her so content to just remain as she was: _blissfully unconscious._

So there he sat, hoping her friend would arrive soon to shed some much needed light on her history … or how she ended up falling –_losing her balance_ – and ultimately losing herself inside the darkness of her subconscious.

Pouring over her scans now, Derek huddled in the corner of her sterile room – _her heart monitor beeping intermittently still, her slender, pale face relaxed, her would-be green eyes hidden from the world, her hair matted down with her thin crimson blood _– and in that moment, _for Derek anyway (and as strange as this would sound)_, it was as if nothing was out of place in his life … not even a hair on her perfectly round specimen of the human skull.

_And yet in the same breath, something was amiss – and until he figured it out, Meredith Grey would reside in her own limbo – deep within her own 'Grey area' and well … he couldn't live with that._

Derek's eyes swept the room – _his mind eager to find clarity, his instincts on full alert now_ – as he stood up and walked away from her monsoon of charts and came to stand in front of the tinted windows on the opposite side of the room. Peering out over the new day, he shook his head, the sky looked eerily similar to the day before and the day before that – _endless overcast skies, gray, bleak _– he wondered now, didn't anything ever change around here?

_He stood still – beep, beep, beep – and then the ever so soft, quiet strum of a guitar struck a chord inside his mind … and he floated inside the moment for a beat, the guitar strums, barely there … 'come for me, wake me up', he pleaded inside. He stood motionless and listened to the guitar play in perfect harmony with Meredith's heart over the monitor. He stood still and heard – music, rhythm, life – perhaps he wasn't alone. Emotion came for him._

Looking to his left, he spotted his car where he dutifully parked it forty-eight hours ago, it was still there, withstanding acid rain and dust particulates – _while he stood where he stood_ – perfectly still.

_Still perched high above the hustle and the bustle of life … strum, beep, strum …_

_Still just waiting, as usual – for life and tragedy and missing pieces to come to him – because life and death and missing pieces did just that, they came to surgeons._

_And whether the surgeon had a life of his own or not, sooner or later the hospital and the OR became more and more a part of his life – his defining moments, his sum of the parts – and therein saving lives and losing lives somehow became one and the same._

_The same as living … until one day he would completely loose himself and those missing pieces once and for all and he would become nothing more than a man who just waited … for life and death to come to him._

_Derek took a deep breath, still, still, still, he quieted his heart now as he stood stoically inside this very particular private moment with this poignant realization labeling him like the proverbial 'Scarlett Letter' – strum … his heart breaking just a little bit more – the all-consuming and yet desirable Chief of Surgery position not too far into the future now … a future life that would become a waiting game … nothing more than __survival__ of the fittest._

_Survival … survival._

_And there, deep inside that moment came the clarity that had eluded Derek for the last hour … beep, strum, beep …_

_His blood ran cold as his instincts grabbed a hold of him and shook him akin to hundred mile-an-hour winds._

_Strum._

_Adrenaline laboriously moved its way through his veins until he was ready to pop and the full circle of his initial diagnosis slammed into him like a hurricane that evaded radar._

_Beep._

_Without thinking, Derek turned around and crossed the room to his patient's bedside where he began to perform those compulsory and perfunctory sensory tests again, his mind working on overdrive, his hands unable to keep up with the swirling missing pieces of information as they made more sense one by one by one … until everything fell into place. He shook his head; he should have trusted his instincts._

_Strum._

Blood. Thin blood. Translucent skin. Dark circles. Exhaustion. Weak bone density. Brittle hair. Blood. Blood. Blood. Superficial laceration. _Superficial_. Laceration. Disparate equilibrium. Missing pieces. Nutrient deficiencies. _Survival. Of. The. Fittest._ Sleep deprivation. Malnutrition. Dehydration.

Derek slipped on a pair of latex gloves and removed her wound dressing, resting his palm over her laceration as he did – _he closed his eyes for a beat while he listened to the sound of her heart monitor_ – the quiet melody all of a sudden became … something else … what was it … familiar? Opening his eyes now, he leaned down and checked her urine output, not nearly enough considering the IV fluids she had been receiving since her admission … she needed the fluids, she was _actively using_ the fluids!

Shaking his head, he was deflated, silently berating himself now as he made to carefully rewrap her wound. The eye of the storm hovered over him for a split-second and his innate sense of quiet clarity came and held him steady – _strum, beep, strum_ – but there was no denying it: _the red flags were there the whole time._ Dabbing the small trickle of her blood away before he got started … letting his eyes rest on her angelic face while he worked. He shook his head still.

"What's your story Meredith Grey?" he whispered over her heart monitor and the quiet guitar melody, his voice cracked – _for she was struggling to survive on the inside_ – this much he knew now.

Tears pricked his eyes and he had no idea why – _or maybe he did_ – everything became a blurred, obtuse in a bright white light for a moment until Derek grasped a hold of clarity once again.

_Perhaps it was the long weekend alone …_

… _or Gloria's untimely death … _

… _or Jim's unlikely survival … _

… _or maybe it was the missing, floating pieces …_

… _or the quiet strum of the guitar …_

… _or even his decision not to trust his instinctual diagnosis …_

… _the diagnosis that pointed to the unthinkable … _

… _the unfathomable._

Finishing now, he pulled the gloves off and made one more pass at her scans, focusing now on the granular flecks of her brain – _which remained 'young and perfect' and whole and beautiful and healthy_ – reaffirming one last time that no … no, the fall was not the problem.

_She was exhausted._

_She was dehydrated._

_She was malnourished._

Derek's stomach rolled, the guitar strummed evenly – _he was_ _half relieved, half horrified now_ – as he turned away from her resting form and walked out of the solace of the room – _the life of the hospital trumping the harmonious concert playing in his mind _– the door closed behind him; he approached the Nurses' Station to find Nurse Olivia there.

"Dr. Shepherd," she greeted, looking up from her file. "I didn't know you were still here," she added.

"Well, that's something I'd like to keep between you and me for now," he confided, looking up and around for a beat, all was quiet again.

"Sure thing … hiding from the Chief again? What are you going to do when you _are_ the Chief?" she wondered aloud with a wry grin. She watched a tight smile cover his handsome features.

"Well … I won't have a need to hide, I'll be here all the time with good reason," he muttered, looking over his orders one last time.

"I guess so … is this for Meredith Grey?" she prompted, looking over the paperwork.

"Yeah, I'd like to order CMP (Comprehensive Metabolic Panel), a Total Protein and Liver Panel too," he stated as he signed off on the lab order. "Then I'm going to need to move her to neurology once she comes-to – _the case isn't surgical_ – but she'll remain my patient and she'll likely need a bed," he ordered with a tight smile.

"Not surgical, CMP … wait … do you think she's …," Olivia asked, her mind working quickly through the battery of blood work the doctor ordered.

"Malnourished … or close to it – _I passed on a hunch an hour ago, too fixated on her persistent bleeding _– but now … she's been out for almost two hours … my best guess is that she'll come-to within an hour or so, then we can move her … she's a med student …," he sighed. "She's exhausted and likely too smart for this … she just needs fluids and lots of rest …it's crazy, how did this happen to her?" he voiced aloud, signing his name one last time.

"_It may not be as crazy as you think,"_ came a small voice from behind him. Derek turned around and was met with the concerned brown eyes of a well put-together woman who he could only assume was his patient's friend.

"Derek Shepherd," he said, extending his hand. "So … Meredith Grey belongs to you then?" he asked with a weak smile.

"Sissy Marc and sadly … Meredith Grey doesn't really _belong_ to anyone," she said evenly – _her mind working to absorb the young doctor's preliminary diagnosis_ – she shook his warm hand firmly.

Derek turned briefly back to Olivia. "I paged Sloan to handle her wound … something else I'd like to keep on the down-low," he said in a low voice to the young nurse.

"I'll take these down then and finish up her admission paperwork, I'll find you," Olivia nodded in assent before she made to leave with his orders.

"Mrs. Marc, why don't I take you to see Meredith, her room's right here," Derek said, smiling now at the older woman.

"I'd like that, very much," Sissy answered, following the young doctor who held the door open for her as she passed over the threshold, stopping short when the door closed behind them … her heart breaking a little bit at the sight before her.

_For Meredith Grey was indeed lost. She was dwarfed by the simple white sheet draped over her, she was drowning in that bedding … her gray hospital gown swallowed her whole. The dim fluorescent lighting did nothing but accentuate the pallor of her skin. Sissy's hand went to her heart, a dull ache settled in as she approached the bed – seeing now that a small round circle of blood had seeped through the bandage on her young friend's head, her wound just below her hairline – her dirty blond hair, matted … her eyes closed. Meredith would hate this … hate._

She looked to the small table and watched the young doctor rake his fingers through his ebony locks. He turned and met her gaze … he pressed his lips together; he was young, she mused, but his eyes were tired and worn – _and he was frustrated and a bit lost himself_ – she knew that much.

"Where is her family?" Derek inquired softly as he crossed the room; he glanced at Meredith's wound briefly before he looked up.

"Doesn't have any," Sissy answered, her voice cracked.

"No siblings?" he asked, watching the tough exterior of the older woman … crumble slightly.

"No. Her mother died recently. She has nothing with her father … she's … orphaned," she whispered, cringing inside at the term. "She moved to Seattle to care for her mother when she fell ill… started medical school, she's worked in my research department at the library there ever since," Sissy replied, catching an unreadable expression in the doctor's worried eyes. "Dr. Shepherd, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine – _and so is she, be assured_ – I just ... I'm … it's been a long night … ah morning … I'm glad you're here," he mused, shaking his head.

"Me too," Sissy agreed.

Derek sighed, keeping his eyes trained on the small spot of blood, the guitar strummed … the monitor beeped – _his mind reeling now as he lost himself for a beat_ – he knew the long night and morning would catch up with him and soon … but he just wanted this case to be … resolved.

_He needed Meredith Grey to open her eyes … he needed her to see she wasn't … alone, she wasn't orphaned._

"I …," he looked up. "I have four sisters _– very girly, tons of kids_ – if I was knocked out, they'd all be here. I'd want them here," he acknowledged. "Having no one? Can't imagine that … I'm just glad you're here," he mused, his heart clenching somewhere deep inside his chest, he was exhausted.

"She's going to wake up then … and soon?" Sissy asked hopefully.

"She's going to be fine," he assured. "Can you tell me how –"

The door swooshed open … Derek looked back and watched as the confident Mark Sloan glided over the threshold. "Good morning," he smiled widely, quickly taking stock of the situation.

"Ah the good Dr. Sloan, this is Sissy Marc," Derek introduced the players. "Dr. Sloan is Head of Plastic Surgery here at Seattle Grace," he elaborated.

"A pleasure," Sissy replied, shaking the larger doctor's hand, she met his dancing curious eyes. "Ah … Dr. Shepherd, I don't think Meredith's student policy is going to cover a specialist … like Dr. Sloan here," she sighed, fearing what she assumed was Meredith's already precarious financial position.

"You let me worry about that …," Derek assured with a smile. "It's nothing we can't handle," he added, watching now as Mark slipped on a pair of latex gloves.

"So … what's the diagnosis?" Mark asked as he began to move the bandages away from the young woman's head.

"Starving student," Derek surmised bluntly without thinking, he heard and low gasp fall from Sissy Marc's lips and turned to face her … and in that moment – _the woman crumbled, she was deflated_ – two sentiments that did not go unnoticed.

Mark looked up and smiled weakly at the worried older woman before he removed the last bandage and took a better look. "Ah … Shep … you're sure you needed me for this – _she's fine_ – the wound is superficial at best," he gauged, while taking a closer look. He smiled when the reason for his presence hit him. "_Except _… you aren't supposed to be here … you're off right?" he accused lightly, looking up for a beat; the wide smile of Cheshire cat ran along his handsome face.

"No … no … I'm not and her case isn't surgical – _so do me a favor and close her up … be discreet_ – she needs what… five to seven stitches, it won't take long to sign off …," he flashed a smirk at his worthy opponent. "She'll likely wake up soon … she's not on anything for pain yet ... so I'd like this done," Derek ordered and then turned to the older woman. "Lets leave Dr. Sloan to get started and you and I can talk more about how all this might have happened," he requested softly.

_Holding the door open, he watched Sissy Marc look at her dear friend one last time, moving her hand back and forth around her wrist as she did. Reluctantly, she turned away and passed through the doorway. Derek stepped aside and the pair walked toward the Nurses' Station for a beat. _

"Look, Mrs. Marc … once we look over Meredith's results they will likely confirm what I think … we both know … _what I'd like figure out is how and why_ … and what we can do from here," he said gently, reading into a certain amount of hesitancy from the concerned woman.

"Dr. Shepherd," Sissy shook her head, she took a deep breath and turned away, walking now toward a large set of windows at the back of a waiting area.

"Mrs. Marc, anything you tell me … is in confidence – _I'm sorry for that remark before about the starving_ – well, it was abrupt … but …," Derek sighed, looking out over the gray day once more, his car still parked … and he still remained where he was … stymied, stuck.

"Something happened to Meredith – _a few months ago, she became lost and she's been missing ever since, I can't explain it _– although I should have known," she sighed. "She has daytime classes and all of a sudden switched her shift to the _'wee hour shift'_ which starts at nine at night and runs until five in the morning," she rambled, resting her hand over her heart while she pressed on with her … _confession_. "I should have known … when would she find time to sleep … or more importantly _… where_ …" she whispered – _her question hung in the air like a white flag_ – had she just surrendered Meredith's … shame, misfortune … her secret?

"So … you think she's …," Derek didn't dare say it aloud, perhaps for the same reasons the young woman's friend never did.

"Yes … I think she lost her place, _her home_," she whispered. "And for the life of me … I should have stopped the charade long ago …," she berated, tears stung her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"You really think she's … homeless?" he asked, his head spun – _malnourished, homeless, sleep-deprived_ – his heart quaked … then a dull ache, _pinch, pinch._

"In confidence, Dr. Shepherd … I have your word on this," she demanded softly.

"In confidence … absolutely," he confirmed, his voice cracked, his mind reeling, trying to make sense of it all.

"Good, because Meredith might look defenseless right now, but I assure you – _when she wakes up_ – she'll be uprooted … perhaps more than she already is … and she's not going to take it lightly," Sissy all but cried.

_Keeping her eyes trained on the invisible horizon now, her body trembled slightly as she attempted to regain her composure, failing now as the stress from the morning claimed her, she felt the young doctor's arm drape over her shoulders, she held herself steady._

"She's a survivor … I can tell," Derek encouraged. "We'll take care of her, she'll recover and be just fine," he whispered.

"If she ever wakes up," Sissy stifled a sob.

"She'll be up … and soon," he promised, at least he knew that much. "She just needs rest and fluids and she can do that here," he assured, knowing that he wouldn't settle for anything less.

"_Shep,"_ came Mark's voice from behind them, the pair turned around. "She's as good as new, even winced a little," he elaborated with a satisfied smile.

"Oh that's good right?" Sissy sighed with relief. "Thank you Dr. Sloan," she replied.

"No problem, Mrs. Marc," he answered. "Olivia came back with Meredith's admission paperwork and she needs some signatures from you, she's at the Nurses' Station there," he pointed behind him.

The pair approached the desk where Olivia engaged in conversation with Sissy. The two doctors stood idle for a moment, each pondering their next move.

"Thank you Dr. Sloan," Derek smiled with a raised brow. "I owe you one," he chuckled, lowering his tone a notch.

"You bet you do … yet another night as my trusty wingman," he snorted, slapping his new friend on the back. "And don't even start, if I didn't get you out, you'd never go out," he challenged before the neuro-God had a chance to rebuke his offer.

"Yeah, yeah …," Derek muttered, admitting there was a certain validity to Mark's position.

"Now go make sure _'Sleeping Beauty'_ wakes up – _and move her_ – the Chief's tied up with a bowel resection, you have at least two hours," he reported with a smirk.

"Thanks Mark … really," Derek replied before turning to make the short jaunt to Meredith's room.

_Once inside he crossed the room to her bedside and watched the young woman for a beat … seeing now, the small sterile strip that covered Mark's precise stitch, the way her hair framed her perfect narrow face – he closed his eyes; the quiet familiar melody began again now in earnest – only this time he smiled._

_For the distance strum of the guitar – moved and flowed and swayed without interruption now as he realized Mark had turned Meredith's heart monitor down – her chime was so faint, barely there … just like she seemed to be, although now he knew better – for somehow he knew that if she had managed what she apparently had endured for the last few months – the beat of her heart was anything but faint. _

_And with that thought in mind, he opened his eyes only to see hers flutter – ever so slightly, barely there – yet so significant, it made his heart leap!_

_He blinked and a smile played along his face, suddenly energized, not so frayed around the edges … strum, strum, strum … went the quiet guitar, a little more purposefully now._

_And there inside this intensely private moment, Derek would swear the color returned to the young woman's cheeks right in front of his eyes … leaving no question of her beauty and … her tenacity and … her longevity. _

_Where Meredith Grey finally rendered him thunderstruck … the quiet melody raging against his heart now as she finally opened her eyes for the first time, grounding Derek with those beautiful green eyes he had no idea he had been missing._

"Hi …," he choked out, his voice lost within the melody. "Welcome back," he greeted with a soft smile.

**Chapter 6 to follow.**

* * *

_So … Michael Lucarelli is a heartfelt, soulful and beautiful guitarist … he's amazing and I listen to him a lot when I am writing or driving (he's especially good for driving, you know when you can "blind drive" and get where you're going without thinking, lol) … anyway I adore his work and this piece, his performance of Moonlight Sonata (No. 14) by Ludwig van Beethoven from his CD "Collage" is nothing short of genius. And well, it was running through my head when I constructed this piece for Derek. There's a link on youtube, you should find it and take a listen; you might just fall in love with Beethoven's two-hundred year old classic all over again._


	6. Chapter 6, White Lies

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for taking the time to comment … for those of you who are too shy, try a PM or an email, it would mean a lot to me. In the meantime, enjoy.**

**Chapter 6 – White Lies**

"Hi …," said the now familiar voice – _the one she heard intermittently whilst she was wherever she had been_ – the one that collaborated with this melody, one she'd never heard before. "Welcome back," he soothed with a gentle smile and she relaxed – _somehow comforted that he knew she had been … away_ – the room spun; her surroundings became more visible.

_The Thick. Cobwebs. Swayed,_ moving aside like blackout curtains at a theater, except there was no elaborate set design.

_The Soft. Soothing. Words_ she heard a moment ago played over and over again, a loop, around and around and around they went … his gentle male masculine voice, a whisper … a coo … oh so familiar now.

_The Bright. White. Light_ was immediately replaced by the unfamiliar pair of eyes that belonged to the voice.

_Those Bright. Blue. Eyes_ danced with sincerity and kindness and concern, swaying back and forth, still shrouded in the bright white light.

_Meredith blinked hard – noticing now a continual beep in the background – she winced and closed her eyes on the blue-eyed stranger and the bright white lights and the persistent beep, forcing her eyes to stay shut – hiding now from the unfamiliar 'familiarity' – retreating back into herself. For she was warm before, safe and warm – her famine finally abated – keeping her eyes still closed now as she persisted to achieve her sole desire: to bask in the warm safety for a beat longer … maybe even forever._

"_Hmm, let me turn the light off and maybe turn this down,"_ came that soft, gentle voice belonging to the bright blue eyes. The beeping fell away – _somewhere else_ – gone for now, but not forgotten … _beep … beep … beep._

All was quiet and nothing moved – _inside this moment, time stood still_ – until she felt his healing hands, the brush of a fingertip here, a caress there. Meredith relaxed; she let herself go, float away, she was warm – _warmer than she had been in months_ – months … months … months!

_And only then did her heart rate spike like a fever – the monitor was surely going wild – for without warning, memories of her station flashed through her mind, body and spirit – her hunger, her cold, her loneliness … Floret, Claire, Sissy, food, shelter, rent, money, school, her mother's mind, her mother … her hunger, her cold, her loneliness consumed her until she fell … she fell … Sissy was there … she fell … down, down, down – her heart raced, her body tensed, her hands closed into irrefutable fists … survival instincts kicked into high gear!_

_Her head spun. She opened her eyes. He found her. He was still gentle. He was still kind. He smiled tightly. _

"There you are," he soothed, resting his hand over one of her tight fists. "Meredith Grey," he smiled _– her name rolling off of his tongue like snow from a tree branch on a sunny day_ – melting, soothing … warming … gone … _gone with the sun._

_Derek took a blue plastic cup and filled it with water from a small pitcher on the side table. He added a straw and tipped it to Meredith's mouth. She obliged, taking a small sip. He pressed his lips together, watching for signs of disorientation, memory loss and pain. He watched her swallow the small sip of water; she wet her lips with her tongue. He offered the straw again, she took another small sip and then another. _

Meredith diverted her eyes – _focusing now on the bright white light that shrouded her gentle stranger_ – it was nothing more than a lab coat! She looked up to find his face and stared for a long moment into his endless blue eyes … _the water within them was calm, the storm way out in the open sea there_. She shifted her eyes slightly and focused on the small print of his ID badges, of which there were several, embroidered along the breast pocket was the stranger's name – _Derek C. Shepherd, MD, F.A.C.S., Head of Neurosurgery_ – and under that … her locale … her station … her _nightmare_ stared back at her!

_Fear consumed her… she was crippled by the thought of it … or __him__, her heart raced – Seattle Grace Hospital – she had to get out of here and __now__! Her blood heated to a boiling point! _

"You're going to be fine," Derek reassured, sensing the obvious tension and fear riddled upon her face, bleating now into her wide eyes. Her heart monitor went nuts again; the rise and fall crashing like waves in the ocean.

_She shook her head vigorously – No! No! No! – the doctor rested his warm, healing hand along her forearm. She saw his calm, reassuring eyes, but the connection did nothing to quell her aching heart._

"No, no!" she said aloud – _her voice cracked_ – suspended in the dim, shadowy light of the room.

"Look at me, look …you're okay," Derek soothed, taking a pen light out from his breast pocket. "You fell … at work," he continued, his tone as low as the dimmed lights. Meredith winced, closing her eyes against the thin beam coming from his pen light, another good sign. "Your friend Sissy Marc is here, just outside," he offered, watching her obvious tension subside ever so slightly, seeing her heart monitor slow down at the mention of her friend's name. "Do you remember Sissy Marc, your friend?" he asked hopefully to confirm his assumption.

_Meredith nodded her head in assent, consumed by relief at the mention of Sissy's name. She raised her hand and felt a small banana bandage, her fingertips rolling over the new groove by her hairline … a new line of character, a new scar, just another souvenir. She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together for a beat, pushing a group of conflicting pieces of the puzzle around, trying to make sense out of them. _

_She fell. Stitches. Illustrious. Neurosurgeon. Derek. C. Shepherd. Brilliant. Ballsy. Methodical. Seattle Grace. Her home away from home. Surgery. Anatomy Jane. Jane's Anatomy. She fell. Down. Down. Down. Surgery. Insurance. Surgery. Bills. Surgery. Bills. Sissy. Surgery. Stitches. She fell._

She looked up to the doctor; lulled for a moment by his intense eyes as they scanned her face – _back and forth_ – he smiled weakly. Her gut told her he was simply moving through his perfunctory battery of tests – _moving through his assumptions until something made sense _– except that she knew nothing about her made sense.

_Nothing._

_Not the state of her life._

_Not her 'condition'._

_Nothing._

Meredith also knew he was well aware of this fact … that nothing made sense – _because he was thorough_ – he had to be, he was the best. And that was all well and good, but it didn't change her position: _she couldn't stay in this hospital_ … even if she needed emergent surgery, and even if he was the best, she couldn't be _here_.

"I can't be …," she swallowed hard – _'I can't be here, I can't be here' _– her throat tightened. "Here … I can't be," she finished, diverting her eyes from his until he offered her the cup of water again. She took a small sip, the cold water trickled down her throat … _drip, drip, drip_. "Where's Sissy?" she asked, fiery pangs of embarrassment blushed her cheeks at the thought of Sissy taking care of her.

"Sissy," he smiled at her bravado – _where did she think she was going, he wondered _– watching her color intently, more than happy with her responses. "She's just outside, finishing your admission paperwork," Derek assured, he smiled again. Meredith's eyes widened.

"Your breast pocket," Meredith blurted out, her throat feeling slightly better – _obvious questions floated now … did she __have__ surgery? Did she __need__ surgery? – _her hand found her wound again, she winced thinking now_ – surely she wouldn't feel this 'good' after brain surgery – _although there _were_ pain meds … there was _always _something to take away the pain. _Something. _

"Yes?" Derek prompted watching her switch gears, her mind working, piecing it together. He looked down and absentmindedly read his name and title, only then did he immediately find her eyes again. "Oh … no, no … your case isn't surgical," he confirmed, watching now as a smile danced along her amused green eyes.

"Oh … okay," she smiled sheepishly and shook her head, a wry chuckle escaped from her lips.

_She looked away now, feeling foolish for contemplating that she'd already had surgery – no one could be __that__ good, not even with Shepherd's accolades – brain surgery was fucking painful! He wasn't a magician, she must have really cracked her head open, all of her logic was gone! She took another sip of the cold water._

"What's so amusing?" Derek asked curiously. Meredith smirked, her cheeks blushed.

"Hmm," she thought to choose her words carefully, she swallowed. "Just wondering if … it was drugs," she smiled, meeting his eyes. "Or if you're really as good as they say you are," she sparred. She took another sip of water, watching to see if Shepherd had a sense of humor about him.

Derek chuckled. "Your friend Sissy was right about you," he found himself saying, a smile spread along his face … she _was_ feisty.

"She usually is right," Meredith smiled. "About _everything_," she admitted, shrugging her shoulders.

"Oh well … technically …," Derek chuckled; a wry grin planted itself on his face, he shook his head. "I had the Head of Plastics stitch you up," he explained. "So I guess you could say I haven't _really_ laid my hands on you," he concluded – _his eyes widened, Meredith raised her brow, fever pricked his skin, he cleared his throat _– absolutely flustered by his choice of words.

_Head of Plastics? She couldn't afford that! She smiled nonetheless though, already hell-bent on getting out of there …and pronto! She pushed herself up, ready to state her case._

"So … no surgery," she smiled with relief, _she was okay_, _she was fine._ Life could resume on schedule. "Thank you," she breathed, but then stopped herself, remembering Sissy was completing her _'admission paperwork'_. Bile rose in her throat, her heart raced. "I … look, I really can't stay here," she stammered, casting her eyes down and away from his watchful gaze.

"Well," Derek countered. "As your admitting doctor, I say you _are_ and you will be … at least for the next few days," he asserted.

_She needed strength, she needed nutrients. Derek was fully aware that admitting her could buy her some time and in the event that Sissy Marc's suspicions were indeed correct, Meredith Grey needed a place to sleep, a roof over her head! _

"So why?" Meredith asked, anxiety banging against her heart – _she couldn't stay here, not at Seattle Grace_ – certainly not in the surgical wing! "Why admit me?" she asked; her mind all over the place.

"You need rest," Derek said pointedly, pressing his hand to her forearm. "A little rest and recovery … you need to get stronger," he asserted. "And you can do that here," he surmised evenly, a keen eye on Meredith's now.

"But I can't … I can't stay _here_," Meredith said firmly _– tears welled in her eyes_ – her heart gave out, she couldn't be admitted. _She didn't want to see him! _

"And I can't …," Derek breathed, he cleared his throat. "I can't let you go," he explained, his eyes never leaving hers – _wondering why she was so intent on leaving_ – and how he would ensure that she didn't. She needed several days of nutrients and sleep and he was going to see that she got it.

***

Meredith stepped from the warm shower and moved carefully onto the dry towel on the floor. She padded her body dry – _carefully avoiding the dark purplish bruise forming on the point of her hip bone _– before she slipped on a pair of lavender flannel pajamas Sissy had brought over for her. Having gone out after finishing her paperwork to _'grab some things'_ for Meredith, the older woman came back stocked with sets of pajamas, yoga-style pants, tank tops, Henley's, panties and socks from a local department store along with every toiletry imaginable. Meredith sighed and shook her head, tears stung her eyes as she marveled at the careful collection of things her friend chose.

_Sissy cared – and that was the point – she didn't understand Meredith and most of the time she didn't admit she was trying to – but she cared nonetheless – and somehow knowing that was enough. _

Taking the towel, Meredith quickly moved it across the small bathroom mirror above the sink. She closed her eyes when she saw herself – _God she looked helpless, she looked homeless_ – was all she could think. And her wound – _this new souvenir_ – was probably the _only_ thing about her face that looked good! Whoever this Mark Sloan was, his work was flawless, she thought as she leaned forward and scrutinized her face – _yes, the wound would heal without much of a scar_ – and yet that wasn't the disconcerting part, she could have cared less about a scar … she was more shocked by her overall appearance. For besides the evidence of her fall – _the wound and a smallish blue bruise on her cheek and the crimson tint to her hair that covered her goose egg_ – she looked utterly wasted.

_There was no other way to describe it – she was thin, her eyes were tired, her skin was pale, almost translucent – had it really been that long since she had looked in a mirror?_

Turning away from her distressing reflection, Meredith slipped on the new indigo terrycloth robe _– wrapping the abundant material around her slight body_ – before she pulled the bathroom door open. From her spot in the doorway, she took a deep breath of the fresh, yet clinical air. She scanned the naked room – _her place for the next four to five days_ – eying the bed carefully, curiously noticing for the first time, a stack of medical journals on the bedside table.

She felt light-headed for a beat, but not weak enough to rest just yet – _she knew Shepherd was off collecting her blood work results and that Sissy was gone for the couple of hours_ – so she had some time, time to let her mind wander and ponder what it meant to be back in this space after so many years. Aching for some distraction, Meredith bypassed the bed and walked across the room to the large band of windows, her eyes shrinking inward in response to the gray filtered light.

Once there, she rested her hands along the small, cold metal frame of the window sill and peered down and out over the lackluster day, making note of the hospital entrance – _this place, not much had changed_ – certainly not that courtyard, not the trees and the way they swayed in the wind – _or the benches and how they sat there still_ – just like she used to a long time ago when she would aimlessly sit and wait for her mother.

No, not much had changed in the last twenty years – _actually, a lot had changed, she cringed_ – her mother was dead, her father was still _'missing' _(from her life) and the man who dismantled it all was now the Chief of Surgery of the very place she used to call her home away from home. She closed her eyes and retreated back into herself – _back, back, back, far and away, grasping a hold of her lonely childhood for a beat, emotion lodged itself in her throat, her mother's early death grabbed her in an ugly chokehold and shook her_ – until she wrestled herself free … thank God Shepherd just let her be, thank God he had the sense to just move her off the surgical wing and without so much of a fight.

_For it was clear, he wanted to admit her – she got that much, he was thorough, he was a good doctor, some felt the best – he wanted to give her the benefit of recovery, the benefit of time to rest – so much so – that when she put up a fight about staying where she was – on that dreadful surgical wing – something clicked between them._

_It was as if he understood her or was trying to and it was enough for now. No, he wouldn't push her for answers … yet. She __knew__ that he __knew__ she was in trouble and that she wasn't eating and she was dehydrated; he made that clear from the blood panels he ordered._

_She saw it in his eyes, hidden deep within those pools of endless blue as recognition set in –he understood her need to hide or get lost in Seattle Grace Hospital – and inside that moment, he became more than accommodating. Meredith could tell he understood her even though he was puzzled by her … and with that, she also knew she might have to come clean … and soon. _

She heard the door swing open; a shiver of panic ripped up her spine and she turned to meet her intruder. "Hello," she greeted, her body swaying with her movement as she did. She gripped the edge of the window sill for support.

"Hello," Derek greeted, surveying his patient – _her bright green eyes, though tired, caught on his_ – he watched her sway on her feet. "You okay?" he asked, approaching her, his head cocked, his eyes scanning hers.

"Lightheaded all of a sudden," Meredith answered as he sailed up and rested his hand on her forearm.

"Lets get you into bed," Derek suggested.

_Smiling on the outside, but stuck on the inside, Derek swayed on his own feet now – for Meredith Grey had stunned him … she was gorgeous … a vision … swimming in the thick sea of her indigo terrycloth robe – both frail and weak, yet strong and bold at the same time … a contradiction unto herself._

_On that thought he led Meredith to her bed, pulling back the top sheet and blanket for her. She slipped inside the crisp white bedding, while he watched her every movement for signs of pain or discomfort. He turned away from her to pour a cup of water – only to turn and find a weak smile playing along her pink cheeks – she relaxed her head against the double-stack of pillows._

"Here you go," he smiled, handing the cup of water to her before he flipped her chart open.

"Thanks," she took a sip, she felt herself smile again.

"Do you want some pain meds?" Derek asked, peeking up from the chart. She eyed him carefully. "You might develop a headache, _which is perfectly normal_, and you have a nasty bruise on your hip bone, we could order some Motrin for you," he offered evenly.

"I don't think I should, I don't like to … lose control," she muttered – _thinking about the irony of that statement – _and all of those drunken nights when she did just that … lose herself one small piece at a time. She snorted out loud.

"What?" Derek asked with a wry grin. He signed his name on an open order for Motrin, the directive to come on an _'as-needed basis'_ from his headstrong patient.

"Oh," she smiled. "Nothing – _just the past_ – it has a way of catching up or … maybe it's never too far behind …," her voice trailed off into the abyss of silence that filled the room.

"You might be on to something," Derek muttered, his eyes meeting hers, thinking now about hiding out in Seattle and the looming Chief of Surgery position –_ yet another way to regain control of his destiny _– no matter how bleak it might become.

"Never mind," Meredith sighed in resignation, her mind working, trying to figure out how to elaborate without giving anything personal away. "My head's just spinning – _I like to be in control_ – I can't lose control and lately … I'm …," she sighed, shaking her head again. "I'm just out of control," she admitted, her heart sinking as she did.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, his question hung between them.

"No," she answered firmly, even though she could see herself rambling on about the whole fucking mess of her life to Derek Shepherd – _and from the beginning too, from her shit childhood to the sordid details of her precarious living situation_ – because that's the kind of thing he made her want to do, he made her want to come clean … _spill her guts_ … because for some odd reason he seemed trustworthy or something.

"Hmm, you know – _I was planning to move you anyway_ – off the surgical wing," Derek offered, taking in the perplexed look affixed to her face.

"Well … no surgery, it would make sense," Meredith said, shifting under the bed sheets, her hip bone pricked with pain. The doctor sat down on the chair near her bed.

"Would you trust me enough to tell me why you _needed_ to move?" he asked softly, watching the way the filtered shadows moved over her face. The room became darker.

"I have my reasons," Meredith answered under his watchful eye, keeping her eyes trained on his.

"Will you tell me?" Derek asked, hoping her secret might give him some insight into her mind. "Please," he pleaded softly.

_Meredith thought about it for a minute – what it would mean to trust this perfect stranger with the sordid details of her past, what it would mean to say Richard Webber's name out loud and not scream or curse or cry in the name of her mother's broken heart! No … no … as much as she'd like to trust him, some things should be left unsaid and saying it out loud wouldn't change the past, certainly not now when her mother was dead._

_Unwanted tears pricked her eyes … if her mother was here, __she__ wouldn't be in this mess and she'd have someone to fall back on ... someone who would have helped her help Floret, someone who cared about her. _

"I'm sorry, I can't – _nothing can change the past_ – I just need to move on," she said softly. "Thank you for moving me, for … everything," Meredith sighed, her heart raced on her concession.

Derek's heart pinched just watching her face contort with suppressed emotion, he smiled tightly. "Look – _I could say I'm just doing my job_ – but I wasn't," he confessed, her eyes flicked to his. "I mean, _I was_ … this morning," he sighed, meeting her eyes. "But the truth is – _I'm not supposed to be here_ – I was on call this weekend, so I shouldn't be here now … but I have …," his voice trailed off, _'no one, nothing to go home to, no place to be'_, he finished silently. He shook his head and looked beyond her, his eyes falling on the darker gray sky, nothing but … a void … a vacuum.

_Meredith sighed – it seemed he was hiding just like her – she began to speak without thinking._

"My mother was Ellis Grey," Meredith offered bluntly, Derek turned quickly to face her. She met his gaze. "She fell deeply in love with Richard Webber when she was in her residency – _here, right here _– they were both married at the time," she explained, her voice quivered. "He … he loved her too – _at least that's what I can discern from her journals_ – only he wouldn't leave his wife like my mother left my father," she breathed, casting her eyes away from the doctor's for a beat. "My mother … she left my father for him – _she was broken for much of her life after that, hopelessly in love with him _– and nothing was ever the same," she sighed, her voice flat.

"I'm sorry," Derek sighed, trying to absorb the pain she released.

Meredith sucked in a deep breath of the clinical air. "Love does terrible things," she declared, her heart on fire. Derek stared at her. "It made her less than herself and … I had nothing with my father after that, I lost him," she shifted, the point of her hip seared with pain. "We moved – _she fell into her work _– and I was always in the way," she confessed, tears sprang from her eyes and splashed like mini tsunamis along her cheeks. She looked away. "I don't want him to know I'm here – _I can't, I'm too scared_ –"

"Meredith," Derek sighed; he moved the chair closer to her bedrail and pulled some tissues from a nearby box. "Don't cry … please," he shushed, his plea hung in the air.

"Crap," she muttered, scooting lower into the bed, trying her best to hide her cheeks, now bright with embarrassment.

"Look … Webber doesn't have to know you're here – _especially if I'm staying on your case_ – trust me, it's better if he doesn't," Derek chuckled conspiratorially. Meredith smiled.

"Thank you," she breathed, feeling like she really could recuperate from her fall now. Her deep seeded worry began to subside, the storm raging in her heart started to pass out to sea.

"For what it's worth," Derek sighed. "He was a mess the day your mother passed away – _he heard about it in the morning –_ he stayed locked in his office all day," he sighed, reflecting now. "He was distraught and I'll never forget, when he finally did resurface he said something to me about _'only living once and that I should always follow my gut in regards to matters of the heart'_," he mused wistfully.

Meredith sighed, somewhat elevated by Shepherd's words. "Like I said, thanks for hiding me," she said softly, locking her eyes with his. The pair was silent for a long minute, each lost … but somehow found. "So what was your reason – _for staying on my case_ – I get the feeling you're avoiding something too …," she persisted, sparring lightly now.

"I am, but that's a discussion for another day," he answered with a smirk. "And as for why I'm on your case … I promised Sissy I would be your doctor," he chuckled in reflection.

Meredith giggled and stifled a yawn. "Oh she's persuasive, she's good all right," she said, shaking her head at her dear friend's antics.

"She is … _to you_, she is …," Derek agreed, watching Meredith's eyes become heavier. "Tired?" he asked, feeling more relaxed than he had in a long while.

"Yes," Meredith sighed, closing her eyes for a beat. She forced them back open, focusing on him for a beat, watching him watch over her.

"Get some sleep," he ordered gently. "Are you comfortable?" he asked softly, thinking now about the luxury she might be finding atop the flimsy hospital bed.

"You'll be here?" she asked, her voice fading, her body seeping into the meager mattress as she did.

"I will," Derek soothed, looking on as Meredith Grey finally relaxed and fell asleep under the dark afternoon shadows.

***

_Sissy reluctantly pushed the door to Meredith's room open, prepared to gently coax some answers out of the young woman. She sighed as the door closed behind her, taking stock of the scene before her, Meredith relaxed and asleep, wrapped up in hew new terrycloth robe. She smiled again when she spied Dr. Shepherd sitting in the corner of the room – a small reading lamp on, his chin down, his eyes closed – Meredith's charts on the table before him. She sailed up, slipped her jacket off, set her bag on the floor and sat down on the chair opposite him. He opened his eyes and smiled tightly._

"How is she?" Sissy asked, careful to avoid asking him how _he_ was.

"She's well, she just needs rest _– her blood work confirmed my suspicions_ – and maybe yours as well, and I agree … she'll never admit it," Derek whispered.

"So, she's malnourished? Will some time here to recuperate give her enough strength?" Sissy asked; her eyes darting to Meredith's sleeping form.

"I think so, she might have to slow down with her studies or give up her job … it's the short term I'm more concerned about," Derek replied, closing her chart. "In the long run, she's … well, I think she's one of the strongest people I've ever met," he praised, thinking now about Meredith's childhood as well as her current status.

"You've learned a lot in the hours I was gone," Sissy surmised with a wry grin. "I have ideas with regards to both of these concerns," she stated evenly, catching the curious sparkle in the young doctor's eyes.

"Okay, shoot," Derek encouraged.

"One … you could release her conditionally into my care for another week, this could buy her some time," she offered, thinking about giving Meredith the chance to really overcome her nourishment issues.

"I like that idea," he supported, watching the older woman's brow knit for a beat, her inquisitive eyes danced with the beam of light from the reading lamp.

"And two, I have long-since tried to persuade the library directors to do away with this late night shift Meredith works –_ now if I finally could_ – she would be out of the job," Sissy breathed, shaking her head. "Of course I would supplement her hours however I could, but this at least would stop the lack of sleep," she calculated. "Of course she would need _somewhere_ to sleep –_and of course I know she won't want to live with me and Charles_ – she won't take a handout … but at least it's a start, we do away with the nighttime hours and go from there," she thought aloud.

_Derek stared at Sissy Marc for a beat – she was smart, calculated, methodical – and all of a sudden, he could see how Meredith looked up to her, how they were friends. He smiled tightly and shook his head … their practiced persuasiveness not lost on him either. _

"Dr. Shepherd, why are you still here?" Sissy asked softly, pulling him from his thoughts.

"I'm hiding," he confessed, more readily now, following his conversation with Meredith.

"From who?" Sissy prompted.

"The Chief of Surgery," Derek stated directly. "I was on call all weekend and he wouldn't understand – _hell, if I was the Chief, I wouldn't understand_ – and in about four month's time … _I will be_, not that it changes why I'm still here _now _… but …," his voice trailed off, realizing now how disjointed his thoughts seemed.

"So, where should you be?" Sissy asked; her curiosity evident.

"At home … anywhere but here," Derek replied honestly, suddenly having nothing to hide, his eyes resting on hers for a beat before he turned to peek at Meredith.

"You … you'll need more than just this place one day Dr. Shepherd, you'll see," Sissy said pointedly. She sighed and watched the doctor press his lips together. "Just don't let it consume you and I know, I know _– I probably sound like your mother_ – but trust me, there _is_ more to life than surgery," Sissy chuckled.

Derek smiled. "I think I like you Sissy Marc," he replied softly because he really did.

Sissy laughed and then turned toward Meredith's bed. "Then there's hope for you yet Dr. Shepherd," she confided in a low whisper.

"Oh yeah?" Derek chuckled. "How so?" he asked.

"My husband said that to me when he was five years old … and look at him now," she sighed. "He's married to the woman of his dreams, _his words not mine_," she cackled softly.

"I bet he is," Derek concurred, for Sissy Marc was a remarkable woman, Derek could tell that much.

"Of course it took him another _seven _years to propose," she giggled with reflection. Derek chuckled. "And another _fifteen_ before he did it for real …," she sighed wistfully.

"And you've been happy ever since," Derek concluded.

"Yes … we're living it, breathing it – _that happily-ever-after_ – they do come true you know, you just have to believe you're worth it … _then it will literally fall into your hands_," Sissy counseled.

_Derek listened to the older woman – paying close attention to her words, her advice – watching now as she leaned over and pulled a small calendar from her bag. She held the easel on the palm of her hand for a beat – her eyes sparked with mischief now – before she stood, crossed the room and set it atop the stack of medical journals there. _

"She'll want that when she wakes up," Sissy cooed as she sat down again.

"She'll be up soon," Derek confirmed, thinking again about their plans to help the young woman without stripping her of her pride.

"Thanks for taking her case," Sissy offered. "You just seem like you might understand her," she elaborated.

"I think I might …," Derek answered with a wry grin_, 'and she just might understand me too'_, he finished in silence.

**Chapter 7 to follow.**


	7. Chapter 7, Smoky Mirrors

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to those who take the time to tell me what you think, it means a lot!**

**Chapter 7 – Smoky Mirrors **

Meredith closed her textbook, stuck her pencil and highlighter on top of her notebook and flipped her light off, the freight train of fatigue once again hitting her out of nowhere – _she relaxed and wondered when it would end … the unforeseen battles with exhaustion resulting from severe lack of sleep and nutrient, knowing that she had made a marked improvement since her admission … but constantly planning how she could get back to her 'real' life and last until graduation without Sissy finding out about her predicament – _she sighed in resignation and watched the now-familiar late morning shadows for a long moment, her gaze intensifying as she lost herself for the time being in the solitary enclave her hospital room had become.

_She was okay._

She relaxed into the quiet now – _lives were being lived just outside her doorway _– lives were being _saved _… just like hers. Her fingers found the vee of her mint green long sleeve shirt; she pressed her hand over her heart … _thump, thump, thump_.

She smiled tightly and small tears pricked her eyes – _she wasn't totally alone_ – and she didn't know how she felt about that. She _wanted_ to feel ambivalent, but something led her astray from her old comfort zone – _something told her to lean into those around her_ – just for the moment, just until she was stronger.

_She was okay for now._

Her eyes caught the dim, smoky shadows as they danced along the four white walls of her space … contrasted … mirroring her mood – _her stance, her position, her predicament – _that had somehow become the shallow depths of her life … a life she suddenly didn't mind so much.

_None of this changed her life. _

She blinked before her eyes fell on her scattered belongings – _the windows, another gateway to the outside world_ – then to the darkened doorway leading to the bathroom; she glanced at the main entry door again and smiled.

_She was safe for now._

Stifling a yawn, she sighed and closed her eyes – _this was it, her fourth and final night_ – but of what … freedom from the mess of her life? Or captivity? Or merely circumstances that left her with a few added pounds and ample time to sleep and study – _and of course even more time to fret about her situation and how she should be working and attending classes_ – concerns that were frequently combated by Sissy and Dr. Shepherd (_or Derek as he insisted she address him_).

She smiled and opened her eyes and glanced at the main doorway – _she felt her cheeks prick with heat and Florence Nightingale popped in and out of her head before she could dismiss her _– as she quickly looked away and focused on the shadows once again.

_She was safe._

She pulled the light blanket up and over her shoulders and let her head relax back and into the meager pillows – _still no word from Floret_ – even following Sissy's email exchange with her, in which Floret relayed the message that Claire was still missing but that they had a good lead on her captor.

_The girl's whereabouts still unknown … she was still in limbo somewhere … living on borrowed time … she was in limbo, held captive … somewhere out there. _

Small tears pricked Meredith's eyes and the room became a watery blur – _her focus gone, her intensity and tenacity quickly crumbling_ – she glanced at the clock and forced the waiting tears to recede. Craning her head back, she watched a ray of brighter light cascade up from the window and bounce off of the ceiling. She sniffled, the sound of her emotion hung in the room – _making its way through the shadows _– dancing, swaying. She stifled a sob, somewhere deep inside … she forced it to back off, choking on it, ordering it to stay put … for now.

Meredith wiped her eyes, focusing on the brighter shadows, she loved the morning shadows; she really did … they offered more clarity, the cloud cover not yet obscuring their beauty – _although, the late afternoon shadows were just as welcoming_ – only for a different reason, for it was about that time that Derek would stop in to check in on her progress and make a perfunctory review of her chart. But most of the time the pair ended up chatting, their conversations coming easily, their lulls and pauses, perfectly comfortable too.

Typically, they stuck to a range of safe topics ranging from her studies to her health or his cases and surgeries – _they spoke at length about neurology, the brain – _sometimes debating, often heatedly, each most interested in getting the other to concede. There was definitely a give and take, one that both of them clearly enjoyed. So much so that their _'relationship'_ seemed to have crossed over the bridge to somewhere foreign for both of them – _the barriers to entry, still erected of course _– truly personal topics were still off limits to a point … but well, she and Derek were just like the shadows – _smoky and elusive_ – and this seemed suited them just fine.

For the most part, Derek looked weary and worn down whenever he showed up – _his eyes a grayish blue, smoky with deep flecks of light blue, resonate of the eye of the storm_ – but as Sissy liked to point out, those same stormy reflective pools usually had a new twinkle by the time he departed – _the storm of the moment weathered, passing out to sea _– leaving his eyes bright and shining … dancing. And although Meredith had seen eyes like that somewhere before – _in someone, someone familiar, yet no one in particular she could pinpoint _– she let it go and attributed this coincidence to Derek having an opportunity to decompress, his comfort in letting the façade of the _'neuro-God'_ fall away.

But Sissy had other ideas and Meredith humored the older woman – _after all there was no way something would happen between them_ – for Meredith already knew, despite any knowing _'look' _they might share, that Derek Shepherd wasn't looking for that _'one in a million'_, not anymore – _she could tell that much – _he'd taken himself off the market, he was her doctor, nothing more. Sure they connected on some personal level on some other plane of existence, but all of that was housed _here_, in her room – _they were saving each other _– simply put … they were patient and doctor and there was a certain intimacy that went along with that. Plus, even if he was looking, he'd have to look beyond her because – _she wasn't a believer in that sort of thing_ – no, she wasn't built that way – _everlasting love didn't run through her veins _– it wasn't part of her DNA. She had her mother and father to thank for that.

_Except … except that there was this connection with Derek – she could deny it all she wanted – but it was there, it was like the tiny flecks of bright blue she could see in his eyes when they were stormy … it was a slice of something … a ray of light … a glimmer … of hope. Her eyes pricked with fresh tears. _

Meredith retreated deeper into the private moment, closing her eyes for a beat – _her heart raced on this small admission_ – allowing her mind to drift to one of those habitual later night conversations where he would seek solace and refuge from the demands of his life and she would find companionship – _time that belonged to them_ – time when the veils of their lives were slackened and all that remained was a mutual understanding … they were comfortable, the smoke and mirrors, also gone.

***

_The rain pelted down against the windows of her room, wet splatters, haphazard, cold. Meredith looked up and scrutinized the collection of droplets make their way down the smooth surface, each disappearing into the groove of the sill. A new collection was formed and then another and another … renewed time and time again, would the rain of March ever end?_

"_It's almost midnight," Derek muttered from his seat opposite her, he peeked up from his chart and set his pen down. _

"_I know," Meredith replied, turning back to him, her mind on missing her classes, mounting debt and the hours of work she was missing, despite Sissy and Derek's letters to her professors._

"_One day closer," Derek said, eying her carefully, fully aware of her calendar ritual now._

_Her eyes darted to the calendar where they stayed for a beat. She sighed, in another few minutes, another day would be done, closed … she would be closer to the warmth of June. The cold Spring rain pelted against the window. Meredith's heart raced, she knew Derek had come close on several occasions to asking her what she might do to change things in her life once she left Sissy's, where she would stay for one week following her discharge._

_And to that inquiry, she had no answer, she had no way of changing her station, she needed to work, she had bills to pay, she was responsible – she was too proud (and maybe too stupid) to admit her wrong turn – she was homeless, end of story. Floret got home, that was all that mattered. And nothing had changed … except that deep down – she knew everything had – she just didn't know if she had the courage to admit it._

_Expertly dancing around the topic of her 'real' life, Meredith thought carefully about her words, holding her cards close to her heart, just like she had done for her entire life thus far – doing her best to thwart Sissy and Derek's attempts to learn more – she chose silence again, knowing she would stay at Sissy's for that week and move on with her life, resume her schedule as planned … June, it was within reach now – and with that thought in mind – she reached over and swiped the calendar from her bedside table. _

_In reality, her nerves were a shot from the charade, two pairs of watchful eyes a bit too intense for her – except that at the same time – she was happy to have someone watching over her, for never in her life had she felt so grounded … or needed … or important._

_Tears stung her eyes; her heart trembled, shaking her core, a vise around her throat now. Her thoughts were fleeting and so was her mind and before she let herself go too much, she turned her attention back to the small calendar. Holding it steady, she removed the paperclip and flipped the pages – her eyes fell on her beloved Renoir – she smiled and ran her fingers over the print for a beat, choosing to focus on the woman's heart-shaped mouth, her small whimsical pout, the look in her eyes while she knew her man was captivated … she was his 'one in a million' … and she knew it. Meredith smiled._

"_May I see what has you so … captivated?" Derek asked, his soft voice, gently tugging Meredith from her private reverie._

"_Sure," she said evenly, finding his eyes in the dim fluorescent light … sparkling with intrigue, no smoke there tonight … just mirrors. She smiled and handed the calendar to him. _

"_June fifteenth, it'll be warmer, the painting is simple, peaceful," he said, his eyes moved around the image. She watched a small smile play along his handsome features._

"_It's my favorite painting …always has been, do you think that means something?" she asked, her heart shaking a small bit._

"_I think it's a good sign," Derek said, looking up from the image. "May I ask why it's your favorite?" he inquired with a smile._

"_Hmm," she sighed, her cheeks turned pink. "It's wishful thinking, I think – like you said, it's simple, peaceful – they look as if they're so sure of their place with each other," she elaborated. Derek looked up and handed the calendar back to Meredith. He smiled broadly and titled his head. _

"_How do you mean?" he asked softly, he cleared his throat, his twinkling eyes searching for more from her._

"_They look comfortable, at peace – she's boxed in and yet, she's happy there, she's found, she's radiant – and he … he …," she sighed losing herself for a beat. Her cheeks heated. "To him … she's his 'one in a million', there's a story, a dream," she whispered, somehow not at all shaken by revealing the intensity of her intrigue for this painting. "His eyes, it's in his eyes and hers too," she added, her heart pinched._

"_I can see why it's your favorite …," Derek sighed, leaning forward slightly; he brushed his fingertips over the image. "They're in love," he mused quietly … his words hanging for a beat in time … maybe for all time. _

***

Meredith heard the door open and was instantly snapped from her daydreams. She looked up and away from the Renoir etched deep within her mind's eye and found Derek – _standing just inside the doorway, his eyes locked on hers, his head cocked to the side, his lips pressed together_ – and in that moment … she was stunned.

And maybe it was his intrusion at this particular moment or maybe it was his beautiful eyes and the endless depth she found within, but whatever it was … yes, yes – _she was stunned_ – perfectly in awe.

Because inside this still, private moment Meredith came to recognize that new twinkle she saw in Derek's eyes. Her realization hitting her like a ton of books now – _for situated in his eyes was the same flicker, the same glimmer, the same gaze of adoration _– yes, Derek had the eyes of the man in the Renoir, the man who had (in Meredith's opinion) boxed in or captivated the love of his life.

And so now, she stared at Derek – _her would-be captor_ – and no, it didn't matter what it was, only that she could get lost in his eyes too (if she let herself) … yes, she could get lost and hopelessly found within those deep, smoky pools of reflection.

_Derek cleared his throat from his spot, still perfectly framed just inside the doorway – dim shadows came to life and danced all around him accentuating the perfect fit of his navy blue scrubs and the pristine white of his lab coat – he clutched a thick chart in his hands. She blinked and smiled weakly, her hand moving down from her heart, her fingers found the wire binding of her notebook where they stayed._

"Hey," he said softly, taking a step toward her bed, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Hey … you're early …," she replied in a tone of the same melody, still scrutinizing his eyes, looking for more, knowing something was on his mind … _he was here_ … his day had barely started.

_Derek glided to the foot of Meredith's bed – all the while maintaining his visual hold on her, captivated by her reflective eyes as they volleyed with the light against the mint green of her shirt – expertly drawing her natural beauty to the forefront … no longer hidden, no longer a clandestine commodity. She was stunning in his opinion, her cheeks pink, her skin healthy despite her healing wound, her eyes wide and alert. She was a vision, nothing short of inspiring and in that moment, she took his worries away and he was granted a momentary reprieve from his troublesome case._

Grabbing her chart, he flipped it open and smirked before he looked up. "You gained another pound," he declared with his winningest smile. "Looks good on you," he winked, knowing his tiny advances would make her blush; he watched her cheeks heat.

"Thanks," she smiled; she cocked her head, surreptitiously assessing his mood, still unable to read him most of the time. And although his eyes twinkled, Meredith sighed … something was wrong. "You look … pensive," she offered casually.

"I am," he confirmed, taking a seat by the side of her bed, he put the chart on his lap and thumbed the pages.

"Oh?" she asked; her surprise and curiosity evident, her eyes scanned his for more.

"I just got a tongue lashing from my patient's father and rightly so …," he muttered. "I have no idea what's wrong with his daughter," he chuckled weakly, leaning back. "He wants someone else … someone better than me," he sighed and not in defeat, but in protest.

"Want to talk about it?" Meredith asked hopefully – _her eyes surely dancing now_ – she wasted no time before she moved her stuff from her lap.

Derek looked up and smiled broadly. He lifted the chart and rested it on Meredith's lap. "Okay then … meet Katie Bryce," he said as Meredith opened the file.

"Right now she's a mystery. She doesn't respond to our meds _– her labs are clean, scans are pure_ – but she's having seizures. Grand mall seizures with no visible cause," he sighed, watching as Meredith made her way through the opening pages of the young girl's record. She looked at him for a beat. "She's a ticking clock. She's gonna die if I don't make a diagnosis," he concluded, his voice small, reflective.

_Meredith pressed her lips together, she read through the patient history briefly and then looked up to find Derek, he was weighed down by this, she could tell and likely because the girl was just a teenager … she'd barely gotten out of the starting gate. Losing patients was a tough part of the job, anyone could tell that much, but losing kids … had to be the worst. She watched him rub his hands up and down his handsome face; his eyes closed … his energy spent already._

"So she doesn't have anoxia, chronic renal failure or acidosis. It's not a tumor …," Meredith inferred from his notes.

Derek reached over and flipped through Katie's file. "No – _there's no white count_ – she has no CT lesions … no fevers … and nothing in her spinal tap," he concluded, knowing he could recite Katie's latest round of lab results without looking.

"What about an aneurysm?" Meredith asked hopefully, her grasping for anything now … she was beginning to understand Derek's quandary.

He chuckled at her optimism. "No blood on the CT. No headaches," he confirmed, enthralled by her eagerness.

"Okay. There's no drug use. No pregnancy. No trauma … what if we're out of answers?" she dared to ask. Derek's head shot up, his eyes alert.

"Well –"

"I mean what if she dies? The sum total of her existence will be almost winning miss teen whatever it says in there!" she sighed in defeat – _her mind on Claire and the potential loss of life_ – they were too young … these girls were too young!

"Meredith, are you okay?" Derek asked softly.

_Silently alarmed by her onslaught emotion, Derek wondered if this case might be too much for her, already feeling like crap for even pretending this was okay. It was one thing to assist her with her studies, to debate … to theorize – but a real case – he must have been losing his mind! Although … something told him to trust his instincts and tried and true, he always trusted his intuition and this moment – right here, right now, with Katie's life hanging in the balance – was no exception._

"You know what her pageant talent is?" Meredith asked suddenly, her eyes catching his as she looked up.

"They have talent?" Derek asked warily, watching Meredith carefully now, knowing her mind was working on overdrive and so was her heart – _for she was all heart – _and that's what concerned him … because what if … there were no answers.

"Rhythmic gymnastics," she stated evenly _– her mind moving around Katie's patient history_ – qualifying the girl's history now in order to help secure her future.

"What is rhythmic gymnastics?" Derek asked absentmindedly, watching Meredith push her hair back behind her ears, making note of her wound, wordlessly assessing her shrinking goose egg … the sallow color of her bruise.

"I don't know. I can't even say it," she sighed, flipping through the pages – _and that's when she saw it_ – a small notation ... _a ray or glimmer of hope_ … it was something, it could be something.

Derek chuckled, watching now as Meredith scrutinized Katie's chart, her eyes scanning wildly over several pages, back and forth. "Meredith what?" he asked, _flip, flip, flip_ went the pages, he leaned closer.

"Okay she has no headaches, no neck pain, her CTs clean … ah there's no medical proof of an aneurysm," Meredith repeated, her voice even, calm but hitched at the same time. Her heart raced. "But what if she has an aneurysm anyway?" she dared to ask, looking Derek square in the eyes.

"There are no indicators," Derek said, leaning in, he flipped through Katie's labs, checking his facts again … no blood on the CT … no headaches.

"But she twisted her ankle a few weeks ago when she was practicing for the pageant … it says right here," Meredith said and pointed to a small notation made on Katie's patient history. "See … she fell when she twisted her ankle. _She fell_. It says here, it was no big deal – _not even a bump on the head_ – you know she got right back up, everything was fine but … _she did fall_ …," she rambled on and on, her heart banging around in her chest as she reconciled the medical facts with the percentages of what she was asking Derek to believe … it was unfathomable.

_Derek stood and paced, he felt Meredith watching him as he tried to make sense out of what she was asking him to … leap toward – but the girl did fall, she fell – it could be something … or it could be nothing. _

"You know what the chances that minor fall can burst into an aneurysm? One in a million! Literally," he said, his eyes shining … all reflection now, the veils of uncertainty lifted – _no smoke, no mirrors_ – just pure adrenaline.

_Turning now, he retrieved the wheelchair tucked away in far the corner of the room, just behind the bathroom door, he popped it open and smirked at the curious look on Meredith's flushed face. _

"What?" Meredith asked, closing the file – _her wild eyes colliding with his_ – she smiled and so did he.

"Get in," Derek chuckled. "Let's go find out if Katie is one in a million," he smiled.

***

"I'll be right back," Sissy said after she parked Meredith's wheelchair off to the side of the room. She made eye contact with the young woman for a split-second and then went off to the cafeteria to find something for her to snack on, having missed lunch to watch part of Dr. Shepherd's surgery.

"Thanks Sissy … thanks for coming every day … just thanks," Meredith said to her steadfast friend.

_She turned and stood at the window, her gaze lost on the darker afternoon skies – 'one more night, just one more, that's all she had … that was all they had' – her mind still trying to wrap itself around all that had happened in the last four or so hours – because so much had – she felt like a lifetime had come and gone. She pressed her hand against the cool glass, her cheeks flushed, she braced herself._

_It was something after all – the fall, Katie's fall … to fall … __her_ _fall … she was 'one in a million' – s__he could've gone throughout her entire life without it ever being a problem … and it could have been the same for Meredith._

_They were okay._

_But one tap in the right spot – one book too high, one too many meals missed – and her circumstances changed … just like Katie's. _

_They would be okay._

_Small tears collected, the room became blurry but she left them there to multiply – pools of unmanageable emotion – her life had changed. She could no longer deny it._

_Their lives had changed. _

_She sighed and closed her eyes – and there he was and probably would be for all time – Derek in the OR. Clear as day, she could see him now, just as she had less than an hour ago … swathed in a comfortable, calm sea of surgical garb, green open water with white foam-capped waves … the sterile backdrop of her childhood. _

_With his clear, focused eyes shrouded by the lens of his magnified glasses – his confidence, his precision, his dedication – was seen and felt by all … and it shocked Meredith somehow, it made her come to her senses – it made him human – it was like peeking through a window into his 'real' life. The one he hadn't been able to show her – or hid from her – within the enclave of her hospital room. _

_And so, in many ways, as she watched him work – Meredith realized she knew only knew Derek Shepherd the man – not the brilliant surgeon he was acclaimed to be … or __was__ … because he __was__ … his mind was brilliant, sharp and strong. Her heart skipped a beat somewhere deep in the recesses of her body – even now – yes … she too, had been revived. Katie was not the only one … in a million._

_She shook her head now at the turn of events – Derek was just a man – a man with whom she had a connection with … and as it turned out, he was not the only man she would encounter inside those moments, for not only did she take a peek through the window of Derek's life, but she also was privy to a glimpse of Richard Webber's life as it was presently._

_Yes, she saw him, this man who once was a part of her life – and he was like a pebble in a pond – having ducked into The Gallery area about a half-hour after she had hunkered down next to Sissy (in a borrowed pair of light blue scrubs, her hair let lose to cover her wound, her perfunctory wheelchair parked just opposite the doorway), seemingly unnoticed, looking much like the younger crowd of would-be surgeons, not much older than she._

_She heard his somehow familiar baritone and looked back to find him shaking hands with another doctor, standing just inside the doorway, the gaze of every other doctor following hers … his presence was felt … his reputation and station preceded him. Her blood ran cold … she was frozen, of course comforted by her attire and that he wouldn't recognize her, for she hadn't seen the man in twenty years. _

_And so she took the liberty to watch him for a long minute – framed inside his pressed lab coat which hung on him perfectly after so many years of practice, his lavender cashmere sweater, buttoned just to the top – the deep pools of ebony still residing in his familiar eyes … although without a glimmer of hope now, the larger than life persona she remembered from her early childhood, gone too. She smiled then, she remembered, a true smile while her realization hit her with a lifetime of force: he was just a man._

_A man who likely made a mistake – a man who loved her mother – but left her anyway. Her heart simmered, he was just a man after all. _

The swing of the door behind her gently pulled Meredith from her swirling thoughts – _she turned to find Derek, the man, just a man, Katie's thick chart in his hands_ – a bright smile on his face, still high from his surgery – _his bright blue eyes dancing with adrenaline and happiness_ – and in that moment she gathered he must have looked a lot like the boy he probably was a long time ago.

"You … are … amazing," Meredith breathed from her spot, completely flustered by his intense gaze.

"I could say the same about you," he smirked confidently, stepping further into the room.

_Her deep green eyes danced with his as he crossed the room and he watched her face contort somewhere between awe and fear. He wanted to somehow take her emotion from her, or keep it … or save her. He couldn't read her worth a damn._

"I mean … I just kept thinking – _she's just never gonna get the chance to turn into a person_ – but you …," she leaned back against the window, her eyes clouding over as Derek got closer and closer, her mind on Claire – _the girl_ _still lost, having yet to fall –_ yet to be found. She looked down and away from his scanning eyes, her heart pinched.

"Meredith?" Derek asked, coming to stand in front of her now – _his heart arresting for a beat _– he shook his head, she was a puzzle, a mystery … happy one minute, overwrought the next.

"I'm okay, it's just – _I have a friend, her daughter's missing and for a second all I could think about was her and how she might never have a chance_ – if she's not found …," she rambled nervously. "I just really, really wanted Katie to have a chance … and …," she confessed into herself, the emotion of the day coming in waves from the deep sea, the storm of her _'real'_ life, crashing at the shore now.

"I'm sorry about your friend, for her lost daughter," he said softly. "But Katie will, you know, have that chance … because of you," he whispered, catching her eyes as she looked up to him – _finding depth there he hadn't seen before _– layers of depth … _layers that suddenly added happiness and sadness and years and years to her life. _

"And you … mostly you," she smiled, moving out of his space to sit down at the small table there. Derek sat down next in the chair opposite her, watching her carefully now.

"So, what about you?" Derek asked; he felt something prick his heart, a twinge … but of what?

"Me? What about me?" she asked, her eyes darting up to his, her heart racing.

"Hmm, how are you holding up? How do you feel?" he inquired. "I like the scrubs by the way," he added with a smile, just to keep things light … once again trying to coax her out of her shell … trying to fuse their connection.

"Oh … thanks," she giggled. "I'm okay, I'm good … I'll be okay," she breathed, erecting her walls.

"Good," Derek sighed, pressing his lips together into a thin line – _he wanted to say more_ – but what was there to say? How much more could he say, given the circumstances of their meeting – _an intense meeting under abnormal conditions_ – he'd never connected with a patient – _not like this_ – his heart raced on that private admission. "I should … ah… go do this …," he said instead, he was stymied stuck, although unable to make himself move.

"You should," she agreed softly, emotion getting the better of her again; she found his eyes and cocked her head.

"Try to sleep tonight …," he offered, pushing himself up from the chair.

"Yeah, I will … see you around," she smiled weakly; doing her best to hide under her stormy cloud of emotion … it stifled her for a beat.

"Tomorrow," Derek corrected, he'd see her one more time before she left and went back to her _'real' _life.

"Tomorrow then …," Meredith smiled in return, watching him cross the small room for a beat before she turned around to the window again.

Derek stopped; his hand on the door handle, he turned halfway around and saw that she had already turned around. "Meredith," he called softly."I'm sorry about your friend's daughter, I hope they find her soon," he offered sincerely.

"Me too … I have some hope," she sighed turning away from the window, wasting no time before her eyes found his … the smoke and mirrors gone for good.

Derek smiled. "You know, I might just miss having you around here," he mused aloud.

Meredith smiled too. "And I might just miss being here," she voiced, the irony of her words sinking in as she spoke.

***

With one last smile Derek crossed over the threshold of Meredith's room and almost bumped right into Sissy Marc – _her hands full of cafeteria wares, sandwiches, pudding cups, a salad, and what looked like a bran muffin_ – flustered, he looked up to see the older woman's shining eyes.

"I'm sorry," he smiled. "Here, let me grab the door for you," he said, grasping the handle, he watched a smile cross over her perfectly round face.

"Thanks," Sissy smiled, taking in the newer more at-ease energy of the younger doctor. "You're really something Dr. Shepherd, watching you today was completely invigorating," she offered truthfully, because he was – _his precision and confidence was jarring to her _– having only met him a handful of times in more relaxed atmospheric conditions. She smiled broadly.

"It was Meredith's idea … Katie's alive because of her intuition, her gut feelings …," he said, loosening his hold on the door handle, he stepped closer to Sissy.

"You make a good team," Sissy replied brazenly with a smart smile. She watched the man's eyes grow wide … a small blush crept along his handsome cheeks, but she just cackled. "I call it how I see it Dr. Shepherd – _you don't know me very well_ – but I do," she said smugly.

"I can sense that about you," he chuckled, watching the older woman's eyes twinkle against the fluorescent lighting; she reminded him of his mother all of a sudden … she too called things as she saw them.

"You like me remember," she retorted playfully, pushing her chin up.

"That I do," he smiled genuinely … thinking now, he might actually miss Sissy Marc too, he shook his head.

"So, why not come over – for _dinner one night this week while Meredith is with us_ – you'll meet my Charles … see Meredith," she contrived aloud with a large smile.

"That sounds nice," Derek answered – _Meredith on his mind now_ – he smiled again.

"Feels pretty good to think about life outside this place, doesn't it?" Sissy asked evenly, taking her best shot at reading the doctor's mind.

"Yes," he smiled without hesitation … because it did … it felt pretty good.

_And so as Derek stood and made some tentative plans with Sissy Marc, he thought about this idea – the idea of life outside the hospital – and all of a sudden, things didn't seem so endless._

_And this idea – the idea of seeing Meredith Grey again – meant something too and there, just like that … the veil of his life inside the hospital was lifted like that of the Iron Curtain … the smoke swirled away and inside that mirror all he could see was his true self – the man he was – not the surgeon he reflected to everyone else … and for the first time in a long while, he liked what he saw. _

_He was okay. He would be okay._

**Chapter 8 to follow.**


	8. Chapter 8, Chartreuse Truth

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the kind words from those of you who took the time to make a comment, if you are a writer you know how great it feels to receive feedback and words from readers … my point is, if you are a reader, it would be really lovely to hear from you too (if you are unsure of the public forum, try a PM, it would mean a lot).**

**Chapter 8 – Chartreuse Truth**

The longer Derek sat across from Meredith Grey the more he was smitten by her. He thought it had everything to do with her eyes or her giggle but in the end it didn't matter, he was captivated _– and he was pretty sure it was just her _– or maybe definitely her eyes, because as gorgeous as her gateways were – _the depth behind them was something else entirely_ – especially when her melodic giggle bubbled to the surface because Derek had the feeling that it had been a long while since she had been this relaxed and carefree. And truthfully, he could say the same for himself; this breakaway from the hospital seemed to be exactly what he needed – he felt refreshed, rejuvenated – and for the first time in a long time, he wasn't looking forward to his forty-eight hour shift tonight.

_So yes, Derek could finally admit to himself that he liked Meredith. He could admit that now in a silent whisper – a reflective and secretive tone he saved for his innermost thoughts – most of the time finding that special place whilst in the OR but fully open to delving there just now … to make his admission. Yes, there was something about her – she was a woman of substance, naturally beautiful – and extremely stubborn, as evidenced by her firm plan to leave the shelter of Sissy's home tomorrow, as scheduled. _

Completely lost within his own thoughts and admissions – _Derek watched now as Sissy draped her arm around Meredith's slim shoulders_ – their temples pressed together in a fit of giggles, their eyes wet from tears from the antics of Charles Marc, _Sissy's perfectly matched husband_. The man sat idly by with his hazel eyes dancing the Irish jig, the color within illuminated by the indigo cashmere sweater he wore and accentuated even more by his genuine zeal for life. Straight away, Derek had decided the older man's wit was full of mischief – _the apples of his cheeks now ruddy, his smile wide and appreciative_ – his short gray hair, speckled with just the right amount of the black hair of his youth.

Derek shook his head and smiled, for over just this brunch alone, he could see and feel the love between the older couple – _it permeated the space all around them_ – their energy sat with them like another player at the table, much like he imagined his parents would have been if they were given the chance to grow old with one another. Yes, he felt pretty certain that if his father was alive, his parents would have been something like this … _playfully in love._

"I'm no match for you girls," Charles conceded, tipping his head back, he finished the stout amber liquid in his pilsner glass.

"No … no dear, you aren't," Sissy cackled, Meredith giggled, her eyes still wet from laughing so hard, sparkling now like Derek had never seen them before.

A warmer breeze waffled through the stone-walled courtyard where the foursome had been situated for the last several hours as the mild Saturday morning dissolved into the afternoon – _and for the first time in a long time_ – Derek didn't have his eye on the clock. Time just seemed to fall away as it was known to do in times of joy _– times when there was no one on the table, no time table to keep, no one under anesthesia, no exposed nerves to repair_ – except for maybe his _own_. He took a deep breath of the fresh air and pressed it into his lungs in an effort to preserve this moment of relaxation, feeling the weight on his shoulders lift ever so slightly as he did.

Derek took a sip of his stout, the beer surprisingly good for something Charles had brewed on his own in burlap sack, the man classified himself as an _'amateur aficionado of the finer things in life'_ and so far Derek couldn't argue with him. He shifted in his seat and made eye contact with Meredith who smiled and simply raised her glass of iced tea, tipping it in his direction – _a silent toast, he mused … but to what … gaining weight … moving out of Sissy's with no place to go – _his heart now racing at the prospect,but he raised his glass regardless and took the last sip of his beer.

Meredith smiled in return before she winked at him – _for this was her 'thing' it seemed when she looked at him … this look, well, it was somewhere between a wink and a sparkle _– her eyes just crinkled around the edges with happiness, bringing her youthful exuberance to the forefront as she did. Derek winked back and locked his eyes on hers until she found a reason to look away; for that was _his_ _'thing'_ he seemed to do around her_. _

He smiled now, for it was true, the week with Sissy and Charles had done wonders for her and he liked to think Meredith looked more like her natural self now –_ with_ _her healthy blond tresses, pink fuller cheeks and supple lips, her bright green, dancing eyes _– she had gained some weight, the pair of jeans hugging her hips oh so perfectly had told him as much … as did the way she filled out the ecru peasant top she wore. She was the picture of health – _and it looked more than good on her_ – he sighed inwardly and wondered what would happen next … where would she go? Where would she live?

_He glanced away from her – and these dangerous prospects – and let his eyes wander around the well-maintained courtyard. He set his empty glass atop the rustic wrought iron table and shifted in his cushioned seat again. The weather was damp of course, heavy with humidity, but clean all the same. A refreshing gust of air blew through the lush garden then – kicking up the sweet scent from the bountiful collection of Tiffany tea roses that framed the outer perimeter of the space – Derek watched the small blushed buds and blooms dance in the wind, somehow lulled by their willingness to lean into the airstream. _

The wind changed directions again bringing Derek back into the mix – _watching Meredith with a keen eye now as she recanted a story that had both she and Sissy in stitches again _– the facets of her eyes glistened against the bright filtered light looming overhead and in that moment Derek felt his concerns for Meredith ease because he was certain that the woman before him was still a survivor – _and at least happy or happier than she had been when they met_ – and that had to mean something. The rest they could work out … but for now she was gorgeous and happy and finally healthy.

Charles stood and excused himself to fetch a jar of black cherry wishniak – _also homemade_ – wagging his eyebrows at Sissy like a teenage boy as she cackled at his antics – _their eyes dancing with one another _– silently connecting, just as they had done for decades already. Derek watched Sissy's cheeks blush as Charles ducked into the house through the screen door. Meredith stood also, tucking her hair behind her ears before she winked at Derek again and reached down to gather some more plates away. Derek rose to help her – _but she insisted, 'stay put and relax'_ – smiling widely again before she turned her back and slipped inside and out of sight.

Sissy remained to his left, her soft eyes crinkled with happiness – _she was resting easier with regards to Meredith, at least where her health was concerned_ – Derek could tell that much. He watched her close her eyes and tilt her head back toward the faint warmth of the sun.

"Thanks for today Sissy," Derek said softly, his words sincere.

"My pleasure Derek," she answered opening her eyes to meet his. "I thought for sure you would find some excuse to cancel," she muttered openly. "But I'm glad you didn't … Meredith would have been disappointed," she reflected, taking in the more relaxed persona of the young doctor as she spoke.

"I … I almost did, but my friend Miranda …," his voice trailed off on his admission. "She said something about taking a chance – _anyway, I'm glad I did_ – I really am," he said directly, watching Sissy's face lighten with amusement.

"I think I like Miranda already," she sparred evenly. "But … taking chances," she sighed. "You already know about taking chances – _you take them everyday_ – inside your comfort zone … it's just … well, it's good to see you outside of the hospital Derek," she mused.

"You would like Miranda," Derek offered. "She's an amazing woman too – _and_ _much like yourself, she's pretty headstrong_ – tells it how she sees it," he complimented, flicking his eyes to hers.

_He glanced at the door, listening now as Meredith's giggle passed through the open kitchen window; both he and Sissy glanced at the doorway for a moment longer before Sissy took a deep breath and made eye contact with him._

"I've lost my nerve Derek," she confessed, meeting his eyes, she shook her head, silently berating herself.

"Has she mentioned anything… where she might be going when she leaves here tomorrow? Surely, she has something lined up," he sighed, lowering his voice now.

Sissy looked to the doorway again and pressed her lips together in a thin line. "She hasn't mentioned a darn thing and I'm too on edge to bring it up!" she exclaimed softly. "Charles … he wants to speak with her about options – _but I won't let him – _she'd be appalled!" she defended, her eyes glassy now.

"What can I do?" Derek asked softly, he rested his hand along her forearm for a beat.

"What would your mother do?" she asked suddenly – _a hint of desperation laced within voice_ – Derek's eyes flew to meet hers. "What would she tell you to do … I have no children and obviously I'm a bit lost," she stated frankly, her heart racing now.

"Hmm … she would tell it like it is … to accept help, that it's okay to depend on those who care about you," he answered, a small smile moved across his features as he thought about his mother.

"But … women are different – _our pride can get in the way, well, I suppose it's the same for men_ – oh, I can't explain it …," she sighed, her voice shaking now like it did every time it did this week when she thought of broaching the subject with Meredith.

"Try …," Derek encouraged; feeling pretty helpless on all accounts now.

"I … hmm … it's just that we're the caregivers, women – _we take care of others and of each other_ – again, not to say men don't … but it's different, _we love genuinely_, more openly – _we care_ – and it's hard, _very hard_ sometimes to accept help from others … to depend on them for care," she sighed, the wind moved, she wrapped her arms around herself in response.

"I get it … I do – _the caregiver thing and if you ever met my mother_ – you would understand why," he offered, pressing his lips together. "But I think – _I understand Meredith _– well her motives, especially for her in this situation, but what can we do?" he asked with wonderment and concern.

"Well, the directors of the library haven't made a decision on that _'wee hour'_ shift yet – _so she'll work, I guess, unless I cut her hours _– but Derek … it's the sleeping all over the place," she sighed. "I can't have it … she just needs a room … a place to rest," she rambled as she rested her hand over her heart … _bang, bang, bang_, it pulsed against her palm.

_Her heart racing now the prospect of how horrifying it would be for Meredith to have these questions asked of her – for the woman __always__ took care of herself and after an entire lifetime of being on her own, she had severe trust issues – and these were hard habits to break, this was her, it's what made her Meredith Grey in the first place! _

Meredith's giggle floated through the window and swirled into the courtyard now, closely followed by a deeper laughter coming from Charles. The players looked to the window briefly before they engaged in their conversation again.

"A place … just some … space," Derek sighed; it was as simple as that. "I'll talk to her," he said firmly, Sissy's eyes widened. "Just the two of us though – _just give me a chance_ – some time alone with her today, I'll figure something out," he thought aloud, his mind already working. "I think from me, she'll take it better – _you're her friend _– she's embarrassed … I get it," he said evenly because he really did.

"Okay then," she smiled slightly, believing that Derek was indeed correct. She might listen to him, for he wasn't close enough to her … _yet._

"_Sissy! Can you come in here for a moment?"_ came Charles' chortle.

"I trust you'll be okay out here by yourself?" she asked as she stood, she gathered a few more plates, mostly empty now, their sumptuous brunch consumed.

"I will," Derek assured, watching now as Sissy disappeared, his mind working on overdrive already.

Derek sighed and relaxed for a beat – _the thought of having this sort of intimate discussion with Meredith kind of terrified him_ – and not because he didn't know what to say or how to say it, but more because she already _knew_ that he _knew. _The fact remained that she was in trouble and they both knew it and had skillfully avoided the intrusive topic whilst she was under his care. And as her doctor, he did what was medically necessary to help her – _that was his job_ – but as her friend (_and he'd like to think they were friends by now_), he could do more_ and_ should take a chance and risk her wrath in order to help her out.

_He sighed heavily – his eyes wandering to the back of the garden – a stone sculpture of a cherub sat perched amongst the rose bushes … there was thin layer of __chartreuse__ moss on the surface of the old stone that added depth and life to the statue that wouldn't otherwise be there._

_Derek smiled and cocked his head, the garden was something else … it felt like some kind of alternative plane of time or space; it had a whimsical quality to it._

The wind changed directions again and thethreesome's laughter breezed through the window as if on cue to remind him that he wasn't alone. Sissy's words rang around in his head once or twice now – _'it's good to see you outside of the hospital Derek' – _she said and he knew she meant it and all of a sudden this small private moment wasn't so quiet or lonely anymore … and it felt good. And so as Derek sat there for a moment longer, he thought about women – _and their care-giving mentality and he smiled_ – he thought about his mother and Sissy and Meredith … and that frank conversation he had with Miranda just yesterday.

***

"_Do you need some help with that?" Derek asked, gliding up to his friend in the new free clinic at the hospital – a place she had spent long and hard hours getting off the ground – one that she had appropriately dubbed her 'second baby'._

"_I know you didn't just wander in here to help me change pillowcases," Miranda retorted with a huff, but the amusement seen in her eyes betrayed her._

_"How do you do it?" Derek asked frankly, Bailey looked up, catching his serious tone._

"_What is the 'what' to which you're referring to?" she asked pointedly with a smile._

_"All of what you do – be a surgeon, a mother, a wife – how do you open yourself up for all that goes with it?" he asked, taking a pillow from a stripped bed, she handed him a case … he wanted more out of life, he really did … and the idea of seeing Meredith again had thrown him for a loop, a continual one._

"_It's part of life isn't it – you evolve, take chances – not on everyone of course, but certain people … they're worth it," she mused, smiling slightly now as she finished speaking, her voice soft and reflective, she was definitely thinking about the baby._

_Derek slipped a pillowcase on the pillow and set it down, he moved on to the next bed, Miranda stood at one end and him at the other while they pulled the fitted sheet over the thin mattress. She tossed the pillow to Derek before she turned around to the stack of linens behind her. He heard Miranda clear her throat and looked up to find her there – her eyes glassy now as she shook her head and pressed her lips together – she was beating herself up about something, he could tell that much._

_"I thought about it. Not keeping it … the baby," she confessed into the space between them._

_Derek sighed and took stock of his friend – this strong woman who never ceased to amaze him – he rounded the corner of his side of the bed and stood with her, shoulder to shoulder and just like that the moment became a defining one._

"_Wow, Miranda," he mumbled, unable to conceal his surprise._

"_Hmm, well … Tucker and I … we tried for years" she sighed, her voice even and calm. "But when that stick turned blue – well you can't work the way we work – you can't want the kind of careers that we want and not take a pause," she stated factually, free from defensiveness._

_"You paused …," Derek confirmed, still surprised by her admission. _

_Not that he didn't understand it – but to him, Miranda Bailey seemed so sure of everything in her life – her place, her station, her cause … it was just hard to imagine her 'pausing' for anything. _

"_I did – I paused – I paused for a very long time," she admitted with a sigh._

_"So why did you – commit, take a chance – I mean how on earth –" _

"_I sat up one night – and I knew I could do this … be a mother and a surgeon – I just knew I should take the chance … for all the reasons we tried so long for a baby, I knew I could do it," she reflected, her dark eyes softening around the edges now. "I just needed to know what I could do – to see it for myself and believe in myself enough to take a chance … on myself, on my resolve and on my fortitude," she stated evenly._

"_What am I doing?" Derek asked, his mind racing to the finish line now … Meredith Grey stood there waiting. He shook his head. "I came out here for the chance to be chief and now …," his voice trailed off with uncertainty and he hated the sound of it._

"_Derek," Bailey sighed meeting his eyes. "Go to that brunch – because that's what this is all about – am I right?" she asked with encouragement. Derek shifted on his feet. "Go and take a chance on this woman, it doesn't matter how you met – only that you did – it all means nothing if you're alone," she declared, locking her serious eyes with his. _

***

Derek's thoughts were interrupted by Meredith's return – _as she_ _breezed through the private courtyard like a breath of fresh air_ – smiling brightly over a rich chocolate cheesecake. She set it down on the middle of the table before she perched herself on Sissy's seat where she promptly turned to face Derek.

"You okay?" she asked softly, still unable to read him, although it wasn't from lack of trying, his blue eyes found hers and he smiled.

"Actually, I am … today was really nice …," his voice trailed off; he became lost within the depths of her sea green gateways for a beat.

"I'm glad you could make it," she said softly, slightly mesmerized by his intense stare. "I … really am," she reiterated, her cheeks heated and she diverted her eyes for a split second before she met his gaze again.

"Me too …," he smiled genuinely, watching the sparkling facets move within the depths of her happier eyes; he couldn't look away if he tried.

_Meredith's heart quaked for a beat or two now as she took in the honest way he looked at her. Completely unsure of why she felt compelled to tell him she was __really__ happy to see him – or why she felt some pang of desire for him to see that she was whole and healed – at least in the physical sense. For some reason she just wanted him to see a happier version of herself, maybe because she wanted him to see that medically, she was fine now. _

_But if she were being honest with herself, she really wanted Derek to notice her – and if she were being __really__ honest she could admit that she missed their late night hospital chats, those moments when she felt connected to him and it was just the two of them – and this scared her to death, but she had decided (when he actually showed up for brunch), to go with it … for now._

Charles and Sissy emerged from the house, still laughing about something or another – _Charles toting a jar of dark colored liquid, Sissy carrying a tray with four crystal brandy snifters along with dessert plates and forks_ – they set their wares down on the table, smiling from ear to ear at the younger players, making brief eye contact with Derek as they did – _'had he spoken to her yet'_ – was their inquiry. He shook his head slightly, no … _'not yet'_… he sighed, Meredith's situation continued to hang in the air all around them, each player stealthily avoiding the off-topic … topic.

"So, Charles … why don't you tell Derek here _all_ about wishniak," Sissy quipped in her sing-song voice, nudging him with her elbow before she moved the four delicate glasses, lining them up in front of her husband.

He smiled and began to speak. "Homemade wishniak, _which is basically brandied cherries_, was a family tradition … Sissy's mother passed the secret recipe on to us when we got married – _we grew up with the stuff _– I used to sneak it when we were kids," he laughed, shook his head and made a sidelong glance at Sissy, who turned to face Meredith … who erupted with laughter in response.

"Well, for years – _three decades actually_ – I tried to make the delicacy, using her recipe of course to the letter," he chuckled deeply, his eyes shining now. "Every cherry season, I would buy what I needed, sterilize a jar and get to the brandying," he mused, a small twinkle in his eyes now.

"And every year … it was God awful!" Sissy collaborated, Charles just shook his head.

"I was just too stubborn or proud to ask her mother to show me," he laughed, glancing at Sissy as he spoke.

"Which I'll never understand – _you grew up with my mother, in __our__ house_ – she's _always_ been your …,"

"Mother-in-law," Charles deadpanned. "Can you imagine Derek? Growing up with your mother-in-law?" he asked, cackling as he did.

_Derek chuckled, he leaned forward and inspected the brandy through the glass jar – the cherries swam in comfortable bath of the dark liquid, he looked up to find Meredith watching him. _

"The worst part actually … was all the waiting and waiting – _it was a cruel thing, Sissy_ – what your mother did to me," he cackled, looking for sympathy from his wife. "Five months of fermentation, every year for _thirty_ years … and every time the stuff tasted like acid," he sighed in defeat.

_Meredith smiled and listened to their story, watching now as Charles began to open the jar of wishniak – the vacuum seal popped – the latest batch was finished. Sissy leaned over to smell the delicacy. She giggled, a wry grin plastered to her face now._

"Perfection," she declared. Charles smiled with satisfaction.

"So … what happened? How did you get it right?" Meredith asked, egging him on; she smiled and raised her brow, her eyes dancing with curiosity.

"On our _thirty-year_ wedding anniversary _– two years ago_ – my mother gave my dear husband the _real _recipe, she said something about wanting to make sure he was a _'keeper'_," Sissy mused with a large smile.

Derek chuckled. "You're kidding," he smiled.

"See what I mean – _cruel_ – of course I was a keeper! I only had the foresight to propose to the woman's daughter – _my lovely wife here_ – when I was _six_ years old!" he exclaimed, holding up his pointer finger.

"You were five dear," Sissy giggled.

"Another sticking point,_ I was six_, Sissy swears I was five," he chuckled. "Clearly, she's delusional, don't let her smarts fool you kids," he muttered, teasing his wife, he planted a firm kiss on her weathered cheek.

Providing ample time for the brandy to breathe, Charles leaned over and inhaled a large whiff of his elixir. "Hmm, perfection," he smiled, his eyes closed slightly with bliss.

"Lets all have some," Sissy enthused, her eyes softer now, she smiled at Charles. He began to pour the brandy.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, her voice was small all of a sudden. "Do you think I should … have some?" she asked; the first inclination all day that something had been subpar for Meredith.

"Sure," he answered softly. "A little won't hurt," he smiled. "You've gained weight," he thought aloud.

"Okay then," Charles said, filling the fourth glass. "To friendship and recipes," he saluted proudly; holding his glass out, the foursome gently rang their glasses together for the toast.

_Meredith took a small sip – she let the perfectly balanced delicacy coat her throat –__she smiled, closing her eyes for a beat, her head titled up, the faint heat from the sun pressing against her face akin to a warm embrace. She opened her eyes and found Derek looking at her. She sucked in a deep breath and diverted her eyes, listening to Sissy and Charles talk animatedly about this year's brew. She looked at Derek again and raised her glass – silently offering a toast of thanks – he smiled, his head titled now as he too tipped his glass toward hers before taking a sip._

"Sissy, why don't you do the honors for the cheesecake there and I'll fish some of these cherries out for us to sample," Charles smiled, taking another sip from his glass, he sighed with satisfaction.

_Brunch became lunch as time ticked on – the foursome each enjoyed the brandy and cheesecake and lots and lots of cherries – Meredith became tired, fatigue hitting her like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. Somewhere along the line, she even closed her eyes right there at the table, only to find Derek watching over her as she 'woke up'. She smiled sheepishly, her cheeks slightly numb from the liquor, the taste of cherries and chocolate on her lips as she licked them, seeking hydration. _

The garden became more and more fragrant as the early afternoon arrived. Derek watched Meredith become relaxed – _deciding now that the little bit of brandy she did consume was just the right amount of something to help her let her guard down_ – she was amongst friends here and she needed to … let herself go a little bit, especially if he planned to talk with her about her station. He sighed – _time was running out_ – and although he had a few ideas of how to help her, she needed to be open to accepting this help. And that was going to be hard and new for her – _but he felt confident that with the right amount of coaxing _– she would acquiesce and they could all move on from the worries that consumed them.

***

About an hour later, Meredith cleared the last of the dishes inside, she and Derek were alone now – _for after talking Sissy and Charles into letting them clean up, the older couple soon departed for an afternoon hike up the old Tiger Mountain trail_ – which left them where they were … suspended in another time and space with the gaiety of their brunch together, having set the tone for their banter. A tone that suited them just fine – _both players feeling pretty comfortable with the ebb and flow of their conversation_ – the menial task of cleaning up provided just the right amount of distraction necessary for her to make it through the rest of the afternoon to move on … and out … tomorrow.

_Meredith wasn't going to lie, she was comfortable around Derek – a fact she felt both amused and horrified by – she didn't need or want … comfort, she wasn't seeking comfort, least of all from a man. But her heart led her astray … and for some reason she felt compelled to lean into the uncomfortable zone of being … comforted. _

_And she sensed he needed it – comfort – just like her because he was lonely, that much was evidenced by his decision to buy all that land … and live by himself in the middle of nowhere. She liked to think he wanted more out of life – more than just surgery – because the sorrowful woes he carried around with him were a little heartbreaking. There was no doubt in her mind that she could identify with the sorrow though, but even more intriguing to her was … her desire to quell his pain._

Her mind became clear as she confronted these truths, stepping through the back door and looked around the walled garden and felt claustrophobic for a beat … she took a deep breath of the fresh humid air and squinted up and into the overcast sky. She thought to turn around before Derek did – _as she spied him standing in the far corner of the garden, peering along the side of the house_ – his eyes set on another small garden in front of him. He looked good outside of the hospital, she mused … he was relaxed, maybe not as sorrowful – _sure_ _he was the same man she met inside her hospital room last week_ – except that perhaps this was the real version of himself.

She thought to turn around again – _suddenly feeling weighted down by the thick air and her consumption of brandied cherries _– she darted her tongue out and licked her lips, again seeking hydration. She really just wanted to flee the comfort of Sissy's – _there was too much to care about here_ – and in some ways she was looking forward to just being her own again, even if she was homeless. She knew this sounded disjointed, even in her own mind … but she just couldn't help it.

_Derek turned around first – he found her there on the landing and he looked lost for a beat – smiling as his eyes met hers though, perhaps he had found what he was looking for … and inside that moment she was pretty sure it was her. Her knees went weak, but she smiled in return and stepped off the landing – watching how his hair moved in the wind, noticing how his blue eyes were more clear and brighter than she had seen before – she fell in step and made her way down the small pathway towards him._

"Can I get you anything else?" she asked as they met each other somewhere in the middle of the space, the air twirled around them, leaves rustled in the wind.

"No thanks … I was looking around, there's another small garden down and around the corner, we could sit down over there," he said thoughtfully.

"Sure, okay," Meredith agreed.

_They turned and rounded the corner, the rest of the garden in plain sight, but here – they were suddenly alone – the space was more secluded, it was a private pocket and therein sat a small wrought iron table with two chairs. Derek pulled a chair out for Meredith and she sat down, he took the other seat. Meredith craned her neck up and let the sun press down on her skin through the thick cloud cover. Her head swam – the air was still sweet and sticky – she smiled and opened her eyes._

"Sissy says that all along the side of the house here – _the border, she says that come June_ – this place will be overgrown with wildflowers, they have no idea where they come from, but every June, they just bloom," Meredith said softly.

"Sounds nice," Derek surmised, thinking now about his own clearing and what might pop up later this spring or summer – _he heard Meredith's breath catch _– he looked back just in time to see her flick a fallen tear away from her eye.

"It does," she sniffled slightly, her resolve weakening … _June, June, June _… let the wildflowers bloom, _'just let the warmth of June come'_, she pleaded..

"Meredith," Derek sighed, it was now or never. "Where can I find you once you leave here tomorrow?" he asked softly, his question leading … his inquiry full of multiple meanings. "I'd like to see you again," he smiled, daring himself to take a chance on her.

"Derek," Meredith started – _'please just walk away, please just let me go' _– she pleaded silently with her eyes as she scanned his. "Please don't … ask me," she sighed, she couldn't lie to him … _and he knew it._

"Where can I find you?" he asked again, her eyes darted away from his where they stayed, her shoulders shuddered, his heart pinched _ouch, ouch, ouch._

"Don't," she pleaded, her heart racing … she felt boxed in – _but she knew she could walk away if she wanted to_ – and if she could move her legs … she would … run.

"Meredith … I just want to help you," Derek replied, trying to keep his desperation at bay.

"I don't need your help," she muttered weakly, keeping her eyes trained on the twirling pattern of the iron table, _swirl, loop, swirl._

"I … look," he sighed. "I know – _I know what's going on here_ – I know you … lost your place," he breathed, her fiery green eyes flicked up and stunned him.

"I know you do," she admitted, her heart raced, a prick of heat covered her like a mosquito net. She felt faint, dizzy … vulnerable.

"Let me help you," he pleaded, reaching for her hand – _she curled her fingers into a fist_ – he wrapped his hand around hers. "Let me lease an apartment for you," he tried.

"What?" she bolted out.

_Her eyes darted up – wide and completely horrified – she pulled her hand away from his and stood up. He watched her walk off. He knew it wouldn't be that easy but he had to start somewhere … he pressed his lips together in a tight smile and stood to follow her._

"Meredith," he called to her as he watched her move back toward the main garden, the fragrant Tiffany roses dancing in the wind all around them still. He tried again. "Meredith – _you can stay here with Sissy – _she understands," he offered softly, trying his best to ease her into talking about her options.

_He watched her form stiffen, she put her hands on her hips, her pleasant blouse billowed in the wind … and for a split-second he thought it was over … that she would acquiesce – but then she turned around and nailed him with her narrow angry eyes – Derek swallowed, his throat constricted, she was pissed._

"Have you been talking about me?" she demanded in a harsh whisper, her voice breaking all sound barriers inside the quiet garden. She pinned her hands on her hips in an effort to ground herself – _her heart on fire now, fear and embarrassment consuming her 'you can stay here with Sissy'_ – his soothing voice ran through her mind, surely she should run and if she could … she still would!

"Meredith … please," he tried.

"Just don't!" she heaved, walking away from him, she felt trapped in a web of her own making. "Have you Derek? Have you been talking about me?" she demanded, her embarrassment unleashed in the form of untamed fury now.

"What do you think?" he demanded, charging for her, her eyes wide and fearful. "Of course we have, we just want to help!" he persisted, she winced at his words, shrinking inside of herself … he was losing her.

"Just go Derek! I can't move in here – _I can't, it's too much to ask_ – it's too big, don't you see?" she asked. "It will change _everything_, I don't need a mother – _I don't need Sissy to change into that for me_ – I just need her friendship the way it is right now!" she stifled a big sob, so big it wracked her frame and stymied all of her momentum. Her breathing became raspy; she tasted the brandy on her lips.

_Derek walked over to her, she had turned her back to him – her cries muffled – damn it, he wished he could make it all go away for her. He wished he could just fix this mess and make her see … that he wasn't going anywhere and neither were Sissy or Charles for that matter._

"I can't just walk away," he said as he came to stand next to her, the statue of the cherub stood before them – _the truth of the chartreuse moss, the life it added to the figure was so real_ – so true all a sudden … he lost himself for a beat.

"Just do it … it's what men do," Meredith muttered in defeat, a lifetime's worth of anger and confusion and frustration bubbled to the surface now.

"Well I don't," he stood his ground.

"I don't even know you," she replied weakly.

"So get to know me," he whispered, nudging her elbow with his, trying to see through her long tresses as she pressed her chin to her chest.

"What? Derek," she sniffled, her embarrassment and rage still percolating, her chest heaving still … and yet, she was somewhat soothed by his softer, forgiving tone.

"Most people …," he sighed – _taking a chance –_ he draped his arm around her trim shoulders. She leaned into his heat. "If they get to know me, they love me," he whispered. She snorted.

"So if I know you, I'll love you?" she inquired, giving him a sidelong glance.

"Something like that," he squeezed her shoulders, happy for the momentary reprieve from her acute sadness.

"Well, I'm not most people," she stated evenly; she stiffened inside his warm embrace.

"I know," he soothed; he felt her posture relax again. "I know you aren't …," he muttered, because she really wasn't … like anyone else he'd ever met. "Lets talk to Sissy," he tried again and she grew stiff … again. "If you won't let me help you," he said softly, trying his best to stay on course.

"No, just go," she pleaded, rolling out of his arms, she felt bereft, completely naked and vulnerable and trapped – _by her own admission and her own mistakes now_ – she was defeated and she so desperately didn't want him to see her this way. "Please just let me get this done," she said, her voice cracking along with the last of her resolve.

"I can't …," he walked towards her, where she stood at the back corner of the garden. "I'm not built that way," he offered.

"I don't care how you're built," she retorted.

"Oh, but I think you do," he smirked, _surprised by his own bravado,_ Meredith turned to face him, her green stormy eyes scanning his as he sparred with her.

"Can you stop teasing me … please," she said weakly.

"No … and I won't leave either," he said with a resigned sigh.

_Staring into Derek's eyes, those same sparkling eyes of the man in the Renoir – the __blue__, so __blue__ and clear and rested and hopeful – Meredith felt lost and confused, truly held captive in a web of her own making and wondered briefly if spiders ever do – get caught – and if so … who took care of __them__ (or advantage of their ill-fated station)? _

"Look Derek – _I know your intentions are admirable_ – but I don't need a knight in shining … whatever," she muttered, her eyes never leaving his. "I can manage on my own, for my whole life ... I …," her voice cracked, _'my whole life, I've been alone',_ she pleaded with her eyes for a beat … one stark realization hitting her like a wall _… she saw now that_ _Derek could read her like a book_.

_And on that admission, she felt her tears come out of nowhere and splash along her cheeks, betraying now. She felt her heart pinch and this wave of hysteria build within her – the hysteria made from her lonesome childhood, the severity of her abandonment issues, her rage at her mother and her stranger of a father and that damned Richard Webber – the sum total of her life alone washed over her like a tidal wave, the debris of her life floating all around her now – her homelessness, her hunger, her heartache over Floret and her missing girl – it was all too much! Her knees went weak and she lost her footing until she slowly turned her back and walked toward the corner of the garden again. _

"I feel trapped, boxed in here," she confessed in a soft whisper.

"This isn't entrapment …," Derek answered softly, coming up behind her.

"You can leave too you know – _anytime you want to let_ _go_ – just go …," she muttered, taking in the beauty of the rosebuds now, counting the thorns on the bush in front of her, _one, two, three_ _…_

"I can't … like I said once before … I just can't … let you go," he whispered, standing just outside the perimeter of her personal space.

_Silence consumed the would-be friends, Derek's hot breath fanned against her neck. A lone bird chirped; the breeze swirled all around them … the spell of the garden still working its magic._

"Look … move in with Sissy or let me rent a space for you, it doesn't have to be this hard …," he encouraged, he watched her sway on her feet, one step forward and she would be within reach.

"I can't … it's too much, I don't want you to spend your money and I don't want to turn into someone's charity case … _don't you see_ … _I'm__ just not built that way_ … all I need is a room – _it could be in the middle of nowhere for God's sake_ – I'll … I'll be alright, Derek," she sighed, her heart aching now … fatigue crashing along her shoulders like waves of the ocean.

_Without another word, she walked passed him – if he wasn't going to leave – then she was … she would deal with it in her own way and on her own terms. She knew he cared about her – but she wanted to be whole and healed and ready for something with him, for she couldn't deny their connectivity – and if it would ever come to that, something changing between them – she didn't want it to happen because he saved her … from herself. She wanted to be held captive, boxed in … willingly, just like the woman in the Renoir. Her heart heaved; she took a step, then another and another._

"Meredith!" he called out to her, his voice rang out.

_She stopped, her movement once again thwarted. Her dismal thoughts fell away – his voice covering her like a cloak she never wanted to crawl out from under now – she stood perfectly still … waiting for his words, her breath hitching as she did. _

"Move in with me!" he exclaimed into the private space – _committing to that chance_ – his desperate plea hanging like a vine in the sweet pungent garden.

"Derek?" Meredith breathed; she turned to find him coming toward her, his eyes still dancing, still full of hope.

"Stay with me, you can stay with me," he breathed, taking her hands in his.

"Derek," she breathed, looking down, tears gathered, their entwined fingers became … one in the same.

"Come on. Come with me," he pleaded. "Then things don't have to change with Sissy … maybe they could just … _change for us_ …," Derek sighed, completely lost within the deep reflective pools of Meredith's eyes – _yes, it was definitely her eyes that had him so captivated_ – he was trapped … and quite willingly to boot.

"I …," she opened her mouth, but nothing came out, for he had rendered her speechless, she shook her head. "I can't move into your trailer … I just …,"

"What?" he sparred with a tight smile. "You said it yourself – _all you need is some space_ – it's even in the middle of nowhere," he challenged, having muttered her same words to himself all those months ago when he made the decision to purchase his land and live a life of quiet solitude, he thought now …_was it all kismet?_

"That was rhetorical …," she smiled weakly, leaning into his heat ever so slightly.

"I know …," he smiled. "Just don't say _'no'_ … look, starting tonight, I'm on call – _I won't even be there _– you can sleep all day and all night. I'll stock the fridge – _you can have forty-eight uninterrupted hours of sleep_ – which is a dream for most med students," he smiled, he felt her resolve weakening now. She flicked her glassy eyes to his. "Give me a chance … Meredith, please," he sighed.

_Meredith stared at Derek for a good long minute – her hands warm, her heart starting to simmer down – could she … take a chance on him … maybe, if he was willing to take the chance on her, what was the difference, thinking now that they just might be able to save each other. Letting her instincts lead her for once in her life, she leaned in and kissed the handsome plane of his cheek before she spoke._

"Okay, Derek …," she whispered for his ears only.

**Chapter 9 to follow.**


	9. Chapter 9, Clarity Charity

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for the notes and interest. Please continue to tell me what you think. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 9 – Clarity Charity**

_The dense fog besieged Meredith's sight, she couldn't barely see in front of her – everything was white and cool and blinding – her heart raged inside the silence, bang, bang, bang it went. She was still lost … still had no idea who or where she was – her true color was somewhere in the mix, somewhere within the fog – all she really needed was some clarity to find it._

_A bird of unknown origin called out in the distance, another called out in reply. She opened her eyes wide to catch a glimpse of the animals … but there was nothing, only the blank slate upon which she stood._

_The wind howled; swirling now, kicking up the leaves that rustled and danced and swayed around its pressure. Rain fell, a muted, metal tink, tink, tink rang out – dull, but in no way lifeless – quite the contrary, for somehow the fog was lifted and with a fleeting reprieve the organic symphony reminded Meredith she was not alone. _

_Disorientated still, her head spun in the white velvety fog; nothing made sense – the sounds of her surroundings were somehow familiar – but not yet 'hers'. Fear pummeled her core and before she knew it, she was falling again, down, down, down, her hands flew to her head – an act of preemptive defiance against injury – her heart sprang out of control, no, no, no!_

_Her eyes fluttered and fever pricked her skin – she felt pins and needles – millions of them pricking her now as a layer of dew covered her flesh. She was cold and lost, Floret's anxious eyes found hers as did Claire's constant pang of hunger –the young girl's plight, her fright and her veil of uncertainty – and her sudden disappearance compounded this fog's density until Meredith's mind went completely blank. _

_She surrendered now – attempting to take another calming breath before she would dare open her eyes – she could this, find her way out … find her way back … and wait for the warmth of June, June, June. She was about to open her eyes, but within a millisecond she caught a glimmer of something special set deep inside her mind's eye. She was captivated, her heart stilled again._

_Blue, blue … blue – eyes with flecks of clarity – ciphers of trust and so much more._

_The blue, so safe and warm and deep – so deep she lost herself – so blue and clear and fresh and new … and trustworthy, she had no choice but to linger and stare at them. And so somewhere deep within the hidden fog of her subconscious Meredith remembered to relax, slowly recollecting where she was – safe and sound and warm, blue and hot – the chill from her bones subsiding … the perpetual cold and hunger almost gone now too. _

_Clarity … was on the horizon._

_***_

With that last thought, her consciousness was tipped to the side and she slowly opened her eyes. The dim morning shadows danced along the walls and windows all around her _– her heart stilled for a beat while they lulled her_ – and she fell into that familiar chasm of utter peace and quiet … the raging solitude, now a part of her landscape. Sighing, her heartbeat slowed down as relief settled in, her eyes scanned the small space _– she was still here, still at Derek's place, his hideout, his enclave, his place in the world _– the one he offered to share with her whilst wearing his tattered heart on his sleeve only a day and a half ago.

She blinked hard and opened her eyes again, watching the early morning light shimmy through the windows as she hunkered down and into his bed linens – _this man, not quite a friend, more like a savior, no longer a stranger_ – his aura, his essence encapsulating her as she woke, saving her now without even trying, just as he did since the moment she met him.

Slipping deeper into the linens, she instinctively tried to chase the heat and comfort of the deep sleep she had been so deliciously encumbered by just moments ago. She rolled over; eyes closed again, her nose pressed into his pillow this time as she took a deep breath of the fresh woodsy scent that lingered there – _safe, safe, safe_ – she savored it for a beat before she pushed the air down and into her lungs for safekeeping.

_Eyes closed. Muscles relaxed. Derek cared. Body rested. Belly full. Sissy cared. Skin supple. Heart warmed. _

She took another deep cleansing breath, it was true, she was rejuvenating – _moment by moment by moment _– her skin tingled, her nerve-endings and capillaries soldered themselves, tying off a lifetime of pain and loneliness now, while she constantly coached herself _– 'lean into it, trust them, trust, trust them'_ – for she was almost whole, almost healed; she took another cleansing breath.

Rolling over again her eyes fell on her calendar – _the promise of June stared back at her, warming her briefly_ – before the skin of her cheek came in contact with the cool linens, this side of the bed relatively untouched as she officially woke up – _she was alone, but not lonely_ – and on that thought, she let herself become enveloped within this magical place once again. And on this second morning, Meredith Grey finally acquiesced and let herself be okay with being here because she couldn't deny it any longer – _this felt right, like she belonged_ – just as Sissy thought she might … just like Derek said she did.

***

"_Do you understand this at all?" Meredith dared to ask her dear friend as she held on tight, keeping herself safe within their lasting embrace, the covered front porch protecting them from the cool, damp wind. _

_Sissy pulled away. "I do," she answered softly, a tiny fleck of clarity moved along her face like a shadow. She smiled._

"_He's worth trusting … trust …worthy, I like to think," Meredith offered as she and Sissy turned to watch Derek and Charles close the trunk to the car, their handsome shoulders shrugged against the wind now as they bolted up the steps and ducked into the house without a word._

"_I trusted him … his instincts, with your life," Sissy reminded her gently, her careful eyes diverting to Meredith's for a beat._

_The women were silent for a moment, each perhaps lingering on their own set of circumstances – on their own decisions to trust – to live … and to grow … in search of clarity. Meredith sighed and felt Sissy's arm drape along her shoulders, she leaned into her dear friend – once again testing her limits – wondering how it all came to this … loan after loan … missed meal after missed meal … heavy book after book after book to rest upon those high shelves._

"_You need clarity Meredith," Sissy counseled. "And so does he," she deemed pointedly with quiet reflection._

"_So … this isn't about … charity in your view?" Meredith questioned, her heart raging, her voice cracked open._

"_No," Sissy murmured. "It's give and take – what goes on between the two of you – it has been from the start," she encouraged, pulling Meredith even closer. "You push each other so … naturally," she mused._

_Meredith sighed, her mind swirling, pushing the puzzle pieces around, push, push. "It all sounded so easy, just to wait for June, keep studying, go unnoticed … just keep to myself," Meredith admitted softly. _

"_It hurts to grow, to close off old wounds," Sissy answered. "Give yourself a chance … give him a chance," she advised cautiously._

"_I'm scared of the draw … the connectivity I feel and I don't know what to make of it," Meredith offered wearily, her willingness to try to trust, her resolve weakening now… she wanted to run and hide, but she had no place to go this time, because they cared._

"_Maybe you just need to chalk it up to fate, that somehow you'll begin to see that you belong – that you have people – and a place … it's okay to be scared," Sissy smiled at her young friend._

"_A place to belong," Meredith breathed, it sounded so simple, why the fuck did it feel so hard … just to lean into the idea?_

_She tried it again now, 'leaning' into Sissy. She sighed heavily – for there it was, the crux of the problem – the one she always came back to: she was orphaned and had been long before her mother passed away. Familiar tears pricked her eyes and her lifetime of solitude consumed her as she pressed her lips together and tried to suppress her inner struggle once again – doing her best to preserve her inner sanctity – her fight or flight response mechanism in full force now. _

_And with that, her old shadow of loneliness came out of nowhere and she slipped it on with ease, this cloak she had adorned for her whole life like Hester Prin did with that damned Scarlett Letter. She would be fine in the end, she just had to remember who she really was, because she wasn't this person – the person who had people and a place to belong – for when it came down to it, she was Ellis Grey's daughter, the one who was perpetually in her mother's way. _

"_Life isn't supposed to be completely dull and lifeless and lonely Meredith, not for anyone, certainly not for you … and not for Derek either," Sissy mused._

_Meredith turned to face Sissy and in that moment – she saw the display of the older woman's clarity and wisdom – she saw a glimpse of this conviction she held in her eyes when she spoke and thankfully Meredith saw now it was no different than any other time she noticed it. She hugged her friend again as Derek and Charles exited the house and descended the steps; the car was packed. Meredith made a promise to call Sissy later as they walked down the steps to the street. She hugged Charles and thanked him too, sending that message via a whisper into his ear … his bear hug swallowing her whole for a beat before she stepped away and smiled brightly at the older couple. _

_She felt Derek's soothing hand on her lower back then… his encouraging gesture not lost on anyone, she felt her loneliness ebb ever so slightly as she dared herself to 'lean' into his touch. She smiled and deposited herself into the passenger seat of his car and for once in her life, she allowed herself to be whisked away – her heart and gut instincts leading her astray and possibly to that place where she might belong – that place where her destiny, her true color, might await her._

_Momentum carried the pair as they eased into their comfortable energy, Derek navigating his way to the ferry docks, Meredith taking it all in … her mind wondering what the hell she was doing, while her heart began its instinctual work – pulling and tugging, tugging and pulling – all the while stretching its capacity to pump and fuel and love and finally … live again. Meredith sighed and cracked her window open; taking a deep breath of the fresh, salty air as Derek merged into the line for the ferryboat access. The tires crossed over the threshold and within no time, they found themselves at the helm – huddled together, shoulder to shoulder against the damp cold – both too antsy to sit in the car and merely wait. _

_Meredith shoved her hands deep into her pockets, peering down, down, down in front of them, the murky bay water swirled below, moving with a life of its own as the vessel began to pull away from the dock and effortlessly glide over those choppy waters. Her hair fell forward, the damp tendrils stinging her cheeks as they slapped against her skin there. The day was gray and windy and cold – a heavy, low lying fog reduced visibility such that she felt as though she and Derek were alone, shrouded and protected in an intimate sheathe; this small place in time where it was just the two of them – she shook her head and smiled at the irony now – how on earth was she going to find clarity if she couldn't see where she was going? She sighed heavily and turned to find Derek looking down at the water … his handsome eyes reflecting off of the filtered overcast skies all around them before they flicked up to meet hers. _

"_How did it happen?" he asked softly over the hum of the wind and the ferryboat motors … he sought clarity, she knew that much. "How did you lose your … way, your place?" he sighed, eying her carefully now._

"_Floret … my friend is in France now … but when Claire went missing," Meredith breathed, her heart constricting; Derek leaned into her shoulder, silently offering his support. "She was my neighbor … I gave her the last of the money I had so she could get home to find her girl," she elaborated softly, her mind on Claire until she saw the way Derek was looking at her. She cocked her head._

_He smiled tightly. "You're selfless," Derek mused quietly; his watery blue eyes searching hers now, back and forth, back and forth._

"_No … it's her daughter Derek, I did what anyone would've done," she answered, small fractional images of Claire filled her mind now, swirling in the deep fog … her own mother there too, both lost but not forgotten. Tears stung her eyes and she sniffled. _

_Derek draped his arm along her trim shoulders, but kept his eyes trained in front of him. She gripped the damp metal railing and held on tight. "I think your mother would have been proud of you," he declared softly. Meredith's heart squeezed at his mention of her mother. She smiled and shook her head as a set of thick tears clouded her vision while she kept her eyes steady, refusing to allow those tears to fall. She took a jagged deep breath; her frame shook. "You're okay," he soothed after a moment. _

_His words hung in the fog – 'you're okay, you're okay' – floating here and there now, suspended in time; she let the tears go without shame. "I'm okay," she sniffled, running her cold fingertips along her wet cheeks; she wiped the last of her tears away for good. _

_The rest of their time at the helm was quiet, both parties reflective, both no doubt thinking about the strange turn of events that put them in the here and now – both leaning into fate or destiny, giving each other that chance – despite the uncharted waters and territories that quite literally and figuratively surrounded them._

_Meredith glanced to Derek and wondered for a second what he might be thinking, but in the end she decided she didn't want to know, she just wanted to calm her weary mind … and thinking would only point out to her how crazy this all seemed. Derek met her gaze and smiled as the ferry began to dock. His eyes softened around the edges, his unruly locks moved wildly in the wind, his gateways so clear and bright, the water within so calm and serene that Meredith barely noticed as he took her hand in his and led her back to the warmth of the car. _

_She sat back and pushed her damp hair behind her ears again – she sniffled, her nose still cold – her clothing damp too as Derek turned onto a small unmarked drive. They had been driving for about five minutes, all in all she guessed it took them about forty-five minutes to make the trip, which wasn't too bad … not bad at all for somewhere that felt like a world away from Seattle and school … and her troubles._

_She smiled tightly as they pulled up to the side of a small gleaming silver trailer which stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the wilderness. There was an older jeep-style truck parked on the other side. Derek turned the ignition off, Meredith slipped her seatbelt off and stepped from the car, her eyes sweeping far and wide as she did, the water shimmering in the distance, a wide open clearing lay before her. She took a deep breath of the fresh, clean air and smiled brightly … and suddenly she knew exactly why Derek bought this space. She heard the trunk pop open behind her and she turned to find Derek standing there, completely still while his eyes scanned hers._

"_You … I just realized, you're the first person I've ever … brought home," he smiled awkwardly; she watched his cheeks heat; the realization of his words setting upon his handsome face. "Oh well … here anyway," he chuckled as he scooped the bags up from the trunk and closed it with his elbow._

_Meredith giggled. "I kind of got what you meant," she breathed with a wide smile, watching him watch her intently. He set the bags down by the makeshift porch and came to stand next to her. She turned her attention back to the water. "Can we walk down there to the water?" she pointed. "Do you have time?" she wondered before taking a step forward._

"_Yeah … I do," he answered, following her lead. _

_As Meredith walked toward the water, she felt this invisible pull and listened to a small voice in her heart, she walked without thinking now – 'you're okay' – said the voice and for once she believed it. And so she allowed herself to feel it, this sense of unbeatable calm as it washed over her – and it wasn't as if her problems dissolved into thin air – as much as she began to feel her disparities more intuitively … and therein she found she could see more clearly. She sighed inside and focused on the water … on those shimmering facets of blue and green as they moved effortlessly within the current. _

_She swayed on her feet when she stopped … the wind howled, pushing her forward… the trees rocked… the leaves rustled … some falling down, down, down to the very rustic ground upon which she stood. Completely lost within her thoughts – her spine became straighter, she titled her head up to the sky, her damp hair moving fluidly with the wind – she closed her eyes on those looming trees and somehow she felt aligned and connected. And not to Derek, but to herself, and for the first time in a long time she had a truly silent moment to think and breathe._

_The air was fresh and clean and full of pure oxygen, so far from the recycled byproduct she was used to – she opened her lungs up and took another deep, cleansing breath – and while she was sure the world spun on and on, she felt quite certain that –here on this forty acres – time had truly stopped. Her vision became clear, her heart raced and in that moment she turned to say something to Derek – to try to articulate her thoughts – but her eyes collided with his and only then did the world come to a screeching halt._

_She swallowed hard, struck by the intensity of his gaze. A small smile graced his handsome face, his features soft, forgiving. "Derek, what?" she asked, her voice shaking._

_He sighed and stepped closer to her, shaking his head, he pressed his lips together. "It's just … you look like how I felt when I first came out here … like you found something that belonged to you," he mused softly. _

"_I do?" she asked softly, her forearm touching his; she diverted her eyes and went back to watching and listening to the unfettered world all around them. _

"_Yeah," he breathed. "For me," he chuckled. "I don't know … there was this insane moment where everything in my life just … felt …," his voice trailed off into the wind. _

"_Connected," Meredith tried, leaning into him ever so slightly. _

"_Yeah ...," Derek sighed, a small smile curled along his lips._

"_Yeah …," Meredith sighed, smiling now too._

_Having reached their mutual understanding of connectivity, Meredith turned halfway around, titling her head up to Derek's. He turned to face her, a smile etched along his face, he looked younger … she was captivated; her heart raced. She moved forward by an inch; her fingertips brushing along his as she lost herself for a beat, she stared at him as her unforgiving heart banged against her chest. Unable to trust herself to speak, she turned slightly, breaking their spell as she began to walk back up to the trailer – that comfortable silence they had grown used to following them now – just as the wind pushed against their backs … urging them to move forward. The earth crackled and popped under their footsteps, the invisible fishing line pulled them closer and closer to their destination._

_Derek leaned over and grabbed the bags, while Meredith took the paper shopping bag filled with food from Sissy and Charles. "The trailer is small," Derek warned as he came to stand at the threshold, his hand on the doorknob. _

"_I gathered that much," Meredith smirked as he held the door open for her and she__stepped inside and out of the cold without looking back._

_Derek flipped a small lamp on and set her two small bags down on the sofa. Meredith put the bag of groceries on the counter and turned around, her eyes sweeping all around the small, yet clean and organized space complete with sleek and modern lines and simple built-in furnishings, though she could tell the place was the top of the line. She took a deep breath, a musty, woodsy scent filled her nostrils – Derek – she smiled and found her host, her friend, watching her, waiting for her to react … or to run away, after all, this was no joke, the place was tiny … and dare she say, intimate. _

_Derek glanced at his watch; Meredith knew he would need to leave soon. He smiled tightly and took a few steps toward the back of the space. He turned around. "The bathroom is right here," he pointed his thumb up and back to his right. "Ah … the shower is tiny, obviously and … you'll have about ten minutes of hot water once the water runs for about three or four minutes," he smiled and shrugged._

_Meredith chuckled, her eyes landing on his bed in the middle of the back end of the space, it was a nice size bed she mused before she quickly diverted her eyes and turned around, thankful to remember the sofa there – her cheeks heated and she wasn't sure why she all of a sudden felt so modest – for God's sake, wasn't she the same girl who used to use men for nothing more than to forget about everything … one night at a time? _

_Derek sighed awkwardly and crossed the space to stand with her. "Look," he smiled. "Feel free to make this place yours – snoop around – I'm an open book," he suggested lightly. "And … take the bed, okay," he stated evenly._

"_Derek, I don't have to … the sofa's fine," Meredith replied, cracking a smile and raised her hand. "Homeless, remember?" she chuckled with a shrug but was met only with his wide eyes. _

_She stepped closer to him and rested her hand on his forearm, rubbing his muscle through the damp wool knit of his coat. "Not anymore," he said thoughtfully before he looked up. "And you'll take the bed – the sheets are pretty much clean – I'm never here," he sighed and raked his hand through his damp locks. He turned to face her. "For the most part … we won't really be here at the same time," he thought aloud with a hint of disappointment that wasn't hard to miss._

"_Yeah …," she mused, a pang of something completely alien pinched her heart, what was it … regret?_

_He glanced at his watch one last time. "I have to go," he muttered. "Ah, there's an extra cell phone and a charger over there," he pointed to a small basket on the kitchen counter. "And my truck, the keys are in there too, it's yours, take it if you need it," he smiled genuinely. "Oh and … don't go out after dark, no one else is around for miles, but there are animals," he chuckled, his mind working on overdrive, she could tell that much. _

"_How about you just call me tomorrow?" she asked softly, trying her best to allay his thoughtful trepidations. _

"_I can do that," he answered in the same tone. "Sleep Meredith, you … need rest …," he smiled, standing right in front of her now. "You belong here," he whispered, his eyes intense._

"_Okay," she sighed stepping into his arms where she relaxed for a long minute, her cheek pressed over his heart, his hot breath fanning her head through her hair. She looked up and found clarity; pure and simple … the captivated man from the Renoir was there too. "Thank you," she said sincerely._

"_Welcome," he answered softly before he pulled back, tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear for her. "You can call me too, if you need anything … I'll answer if I can," he said with a smile, one that reached his eyes as he backed out of their embrace and stepped to the doorway and outside to take his leave._

***

And so Meredith did just that – _she felt like she belonged, she made herself at 'home', she slept, she ate, she studied and she walked out without getting lost_ – she watched a movie or two on Derek's small television, a bit bemused by his Netflix lineup, an eclectic group of titles such as _'Titanic', 'Easy Rider' _and_ 'Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans'_. She shook her head, even now, having avoided _'Titanic'_, she watched the other two, that last one about the husband and wife and the woman from the city was completely enthralling. She reminded herself yet again to ask Derek about his thoughts on the film.

Rolling over again, Meredith's eyes fell on the stack of textbooks she left on the bedside table, her beloved easel calendar perched next to them – _another day closer to June, the warmth and promise of the future_ – she reached over and ran her fingertips along the days of March. Tonight before she would make her way back to the city for work – _she would mark today off –_ and therein she would be another day closer.

Derek's extra cell phone sat next to her calendar now, she smiled and eyed it carefully, thinking now about the brief conversation they did indeed have yesterday in the afternoon, one that left a smile upon her face for hours on end – _one that made her smile even now –_ for she would see him later today, if only for a short while before she would have to depart and that made her smile with even more clarity. And so with the promise of another day to cross off – _June calling her now_ – Meredith tossed back the covers and made her way to the bathroom to start the shower and wait the three or four minutes until the water was just right.

***

Forty-eight hours had come and gone, not necessarily effortlessly, for there were always surgeries … nerves in need of repair – _but now, for the first time since Derek had arrived in Seattle _– he was relieved to be going home … glad to turn his back on the hospital, cross over the ferryboat threshold and sail away to the other side of his life – _where_ _fresh air and the promise of friendship awaited him_ – content to know he wasn't completely alone in his search for clarity now.

Rounding the corner, he crossed over his property line and to the naked eye – _nothing was different, everything was exactly how he left it_ – just as it always was, forty acres of peace and quiet and unbeatable (_and sometimes unbearable_) solitude. He rolled up to the side of the trailer, grabbed his bag and exited the car. His eyes swept the clearing before him as he took a deep breath – _a fine mixture of pine, earth, salt water_ – perfectly damp and cool filled his lungs, everything was the same … his truck remained right where he left it. He made his way up the steps and stood at the doorway for a long minute, craning his neck back and up, he caught a glimpse of the bright sky above the ancient looming trees and wondered for a split-second if he should knock to announce his arrival. He glanced at his watch and decided Meredith knew he'd be back around now and that she was likely decent.

He turned the knob and slowly pushed the door open, quietly closing it behind him, his eyes dancing along the small space as he did. He smiled when he spotted her – _melting ever so slightly into the aura of her peace_ – she was curled up, sound asleep in his bed – _her cheeks flushed; her tresses wild; her breathing regular, the swell of her breast peeked out along the vee neck of her lavender Henley_ – and within this snapshot, Derek found a small amount of clarity as it meshed with a small vision of the future … it was true, Meredith Grey most certainly _belonged_ in his bed.

He chuckled quietly and felt his cheeks heat slightly on that thought as he set his bag down and pulled an envelope from the deep side pocket as he did. He lay that down on the counter for her. He turned and sat down on the sofa and released a breath he didn't realize he was holding hostage, thinking now that maybe he was worried she wouldn't still be here … even though he knew deep down she would be because he really did believe she belonged here. And not necessarily because he wanted her here with him – _but because separate from him _– she _needed_ a place like this … everyone did every once in a while.

Afraid to wake her, Derek sat down on the small sofa and took a deep breath in, the faint whiff of Meredith's essence swirled through the air – _it was some kind of flower_ – not too pungent, in no way commercial, just the right amount of … _Meredith_. He breathed her in now, closing his eyes for a brief moment – _making his way through the perfunctory steps of his last surgery as he often did in the first few moments alone at home_ – silently testing his procedures and skill by rote, down to the last drop of ink in his charts.

_He heard Meredith stir, the intrusion entirely welcome. _

He opened his eyes and found she was still asleep and that she had rolled over, now on the opposite side of the bed, her angelic face relaxed, her persona at peace. She batted her nose, waking up slowly, easing out of her sleep state. Derek cocked his head; she was adorable, lost in a sea of his bed linens, while he simply lost himself in her – _for she was relaxed and truly rested, unlike the simulated sleep she had gotten whilst in the hospital and under his watchful eye_ – no, no this was different. The woman in his bed was more of the person she really was, even the small scar from her accident was almost gone, perhaps her homelessness was a distant memory too (_or so he hoped_). He watched her move her hands under the pillow again while she rubbed her feet like a cricket, chasing her heat now to find the comfort of deep sleep – _an effort he knew was futile –_ she would awake soon.

_And then just like that, her eyes fluttered open … and he wasn't alone._

She smiled weakly when she spotted him straight away, curling into a more defined fetal position, never moving her eyes from his, an impish yawn escaping from her depths before she spoke. "Were you watching me sleep?" she teased; her voice raspy from slumber, she found his eyes, the day was ending, the space a fraction darker than it was a little while ago.

"Maybe," he chuckled from his spot.

"What are you, some kind of weirdo who watches women sleep?" she smirked, her soft laughter filling the space between them.

"Maybe," he smirked. "You don't know me very well, remember?" he quipped, teasing her right back, his heart raced.

"No, but you did leave me here all alone and you said I could snoop," she raised her brow, ribbing him again as she pushed herself up and back against the headboard. "How are you?" she asked, her question sincere, for to her, he looked worn.

Derek raked his hand through his hair and thought about _how he was_ for a split second. "I'm great," he mused, flicking his eyes to hers where they stayed. "No one died on me … so, yeah … I'm okay … how about you?" he asked … leaning his forearms on his knees.

She sighed and smiled. "I'm okay too," she smiled and grabbed the hoodie she had on earlier; she slipped it over her head and crossed her legs Indian style.

_Meredith rubbed her eyes, clearing the cobwebs of sleep away before she glanced at the clock. She wanted to say something to Derek – 'thank you' – didn't seem to suffice nor did anything else she came up with, she sighed and shook her head … his generosity and kindness astounded her in a way that made her feel hopeful, or something. The room became darker still, she would have to leave soon – and she didn't want to – she could admit that much. She reached over and turned the bedside lamp on and smiled when she found him just where she left him._

"The other day on the ferryboat …," she sighed and shook her head; she slipped from the bed and crossed the room.

Startled by her sudden movement, Derek smiled widely as she came to sit next to him on the sofa. "The other day on the ferryboat …," he repeated, pretty much awestruck by her health, now completely evident in the dim light, she was radiant and rested and stunning.

She met his eyes. "You … you called me _'selfless'_," she mused thoughtfully, her eyes glassy for a beat before her tiny tears receded into her ducts.

"You are," Derek breathed. "I've never met anyone like you …," he mused softly.

"Oh yes you have …," she smiled and jackknifed her knee to sit sideways and face him. "What you did for me _– opening your home to me, your land_ – I gotta tell you Derek … so, so … _selfless_," she sighed, her emotions clogging somewhere in her neck … the pressure almost too much to swallow.

"Meredith," Derek sighed, inching closer, her warmth … her health radiating once again.

"It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me … _you have to know that_ …and I think … your mother would be proud too," she breathed, watching his masculine resolve weaken ever so slightly.

_Without another word, Derek reached for Meredith and pulled her into a tight hug, he felt her relax in his arms, listening now as she giggled through a sniffle, his arms wrapped around her and hers around him as he rocked and lulled her for a stolen moment in time – their embrace once again crossing over some invisible boundary that they reflexively let go of to silently connect – until their hearts calmed down and those big fears and trepidations waned, receding out to the open sea like the waves of a wild storm._

"I mean it," Meredith whispered into his heat. "I really do," she sighed, pressing her chin over his shoulder, her eyes closed.

"You took a chance," Derek replied, his chin pressed over her shoulder, his hands in her soft hair, his eyes falling on his empty bed.

"I did," she answered, letting her grip slacken as she pulled back slightly, still enveloped by his heat, her eyes found his where they stayed.

Derek felt a smile settle along his face, he looked down to his watch; she would need to leave soon. Meredith followed his eyes as the spell of their energy broke and she knew where his mind was – _perhaps where hers was_ – maybe he didn't want her to leave either, at least not now … not so soon.

"I have to leave for work in a little bit," she whispered, the warmth of their new cocoon still radiating all around her.

"I know," Derek answered. "I have something for you," he said with a raised brow before he reached behind him and grabbed the envelope from the countertop and handed it to her. "Don't be mad," he chuckled meeting her eyes with a sheepish grin.

_Meredith looked at the envelope – her college logo adorned the left corner – her name was printed on a white label affixed to the center. She looked up, her heart racing as she ran her fingertips under the flap and pulled the contents out. She unfolded the card stock and tried to still her heart as she surveyed the items in front of her – a debit meal card with her name printed on it, 'accepted at over twenty-five dining outlets in and around campus' – tears clouded her eyes, her newfound clarity gone for the moment, everything was fuzzy and blank and foreign … and generous. She couldn't look at him._

"You're feeding me," she whispered.

"Trying to …," Derek answered.

"But when did you –"

"When you were in the hospital," he sighed interrupting her, peeking down, he tried to get her to look at him, she darted her eyes away. "Look, Meredith," he tried again, this time resting his hand on her forearm. "At the time … I thought I could handle the idea that you might be sleeping in the library," he sighed before he pushed her chin up with his thumb. He stared into her emerald eyes; she blinked a set of fresh tears, they rolled down her cheeks. "But you were … you … were malnourished, you know," he swallowed hard; he took a deep breath and smiled weakly. "And then I got to know you and somehow you became _you_ to me – _someone to me_ – and then the thought of you … starving …," his ramble halted now as he watched another set of tears fell along her cheeks and then another; his heart gave out. "I just couldn't handle it …," he said, exhaling heavily.

_Meredith couldn't have moved her eyes or her body an inch if she tried, for she was completely captivated – boxed in, but not entirely uncomfortable – she shook her head at a loss for words. Derek ran his thumbs along her cheeks and she found herself leaning into him, the clarity of his blue eyes, tugging and pulling her closer._

"Are you for real?" she whispered, grasping his wrists.

Derek chuckled, his eyes still wet, he took her hands in his. "Sissy asked me the same question," he smiled, thinking now about how long ago that all seemed – _Meredith in the hospital, the frail survivor of a woman he first met_ – all but gone, but not forgotten either.

"I don't know what to say," she mumbled, still lost within his gaze, unruly fever pricked her skin – _she couldn't take more from him_ – her heart raced, she felt her old barrier to entry erecting itself of its own free will … brick by brick.

"Don't do that," Derek pleaded gently. "Don't shut me out," he elaborated.

"Derek, I'm not –"

"Yes you are – _you don't think I know you_ – but I do," he said pointedly as he folded the card back into the paperwork and handed it to Meredith. "Please, just take the card – _eat if you want to, if you're hungry _– it's prepaid and will be replenished every month … until June," he encouraged.

If Meredith never dropped another tear again she would be happy. She shook her head and wrapped her fingers around Derek's generous gift of survival and then she smiled. "Thanks and you know, I know you pretty well too …," she stated with a smirk. He eyed her carefully. "So don't lose any sleep over this … I'll use the card," she added, just to ease his weary mind.

And so as the new friends sat and talked about their schedules and when they might be _'home'_ at the same time – _they made tentative plans_ – Meredith's spirits brightening with Derek's idea of meeting up for dinner one night before her shift … before he would head home for the evening and she would go to work. All the while Derek knew this schedule of Meredith's would be short-lived, for the library director's plan to do away with her shift entirely would free her up to come _'home'_ at night where he would be too.

He smiled broadly as he handed the keys to his truck to her, standing with her now at the doorway – _her book bag over her shoulder, the meal card tucked safely into the deep front pocket, her smile happy, her physique healthy_ – he shook his head and was completely thrilled that for once she didn't fight him – _she took the keys willingly along with a pass for the ferry_ – stating that she would leave the truck parked on this side and walk to school when she got to the other side and then without another word, she leaned in and kissed his handsome cheek, her lips lingering there for a long moment before she backed out of the doorway and was gone.

Derek's heart raced as he watched her go, the tail lights of the truck grew smaller and smaller and finally disappeared. He walked back inside and closed the door behind him where he exhaled a heaving sigh of relief. Meredith was okay … she was happy; her dancing eyes were crystal clear. All was quiet and calm as Derek looked around the trailer, noticing now for the first time, a small glass filled with wildflowers on the kitchen counter, smiling also as he spied one of her hoodies hanging one of the hooks by the door.

He slipped his shoes off and decided to get into some more comfortable clothing, to turn in for the night and maybe be able to make his way through part of _'Titanic'_ without falling asleep, wondering why he decided to go along with Bailey's idea of making their way through the _'AFI's 100 Years … 100 Movies'_ list and to compare notes as they did. He was on number eighty-three where she was much further along, having just come off of maternity leave. He rolled his eyes again at the thought of watching the epic film and decided against it … for now. Maybe he'd watch it with Meredith some time soon.

The wind howled outside as he brushed his teeth – _rocking the small trailer, his reliable enclave in the middle of nowhere_ – now not so private and not as lonely, he mused as he changed his clothes and slipped into bed. His eyes darted to the bedside table where he spotted Meredith's easel calendar, the day dutifully marked off – _while he was blessed with yet another moment of clarity_ – yet another sign that she had been there.

_Exhausted despite the early hour, high emotions and the long shift at the hospital to blame, Derek reached over and flipped the small bedside lamp off. The trailer became dark, he closed his eyes and everything became darker, even still. _

_His heartbeat slowed down, down, down as he instinctively rolled over to find comfort – feeling lonesome now for only a split second before he heard the nightingale's faithful call – and as he listened intently to the bird's serenade, he took a staggering deep breath of relief and smiled even broader still._

_For as he hugged his pillow – he felt himself become realigned with this space, this place, his savior – more than delighted now to breathe in the faint, yet lingering essence that Meredith Grey left behind._

**Chapter 10 to follow.**


	10. Chapter 10, Wild Blue Yonder, Part 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for the more than lovely comments ... you gals are the best! I truly appreciate your time … and I do so hope this part was worth the wait … I had to go against my self-imposed ten page limit for this chapter and figuring out where to split it was the reason for the hold-up. Enjoy and by all means, please continue to tell me what you think. **

**Chapter 10 – Wild Blue Yonder – Part 1 of 2**

_Meredith took a deep breath of the stale locker room air – a tolerable combination of sweat, mildew, chlorine and shampoo filled her nostrils – she released the air from her lungs and let her tired eyes roam around the space … voices echoed in the distance … showers came to life ... a reminder that she wasn't alone._

She sat down in a defeated slump on the bench behind her and felt her eyes close of their own accord, her nerve endings snapped as her eye sockets grew heavier and heavier_ – she could no longer avoid it, she was completely drained – _less than one week back into the game and she was a mess … mentally, emotionally and physically_. _And inside that moment, in a very tiny voice she willfully admitted that her library job might be too much for her –_ that she may have to let the hours go and let Sissy down _– for she couldn't recover like this, no, not like this, the days and nights were simply too long … the assignments too many, the arduous task of graduating too great.

_Untamed fever pricked her skin – what could she do, how could she fix this and what would Derek think, for she desperately wanted to pull her own weight, she wanted a 'give and take', especially with him – but she was at a loss … she just couldn't do it all by herself. Something had to give._

_The week was long and hard and to top it off, she was coming down with something for sure; she admitted that now too as her whole body swayed, the ebb and flow matching her fatigue … sway, swell, sway. Sighing with defeat, she let the memories of those stolen private moments she lived within this space consume her for a beat – and for __that__ moment – she was right back where she had been just weeks ago: starving, crestfallen, weak, fatigued … and alone. Tears pricked her eyes while an intense fever pricked her skin. _

Turning her attention back to the task at hand, Meredith peered inside her locker – _her small collection of belongings right there still_ – right where she left them behind without a choice; the days and weeks leading up to her accident nothing but a blur now … albeit a vivid one. Reaching inside, she removed the last small stack of faded long sleeved shirts and packed them into her duffle along with her tiny toiletries bag and the small sashay with her mother's jewelry nestled safely inside.

_And just like that … the space was empty, ready for its new beginning. And as weak and possibly sick as Meredith was – she was also totally committed and ready to recover – she wanted and needed … a life. A stock image of Derek flooded her mind, her heart raged, his smile reached his eyes … twinkling blue, blue, endless blue._

She pressed her lips together with satisfaction and closed the metal door to the gym locker before depositing the silver combination lock into the front pocket of her bag … another chapter closed. A small smile crept along her face now as she bent down and gathered her meager bag of possessions along with her book bag and started on her way to the library. She had about an hour before her shift would start, just enough time to grab some soup from the cafeteria and meet up with Sissy before she would depart for the night.

Once outside, Meredith surveyed the darkened plaza quadrangle – _it was an eerie time, an in between time, dinner time on campus_ – she'd come to this conclusion a long time ago … with the campus almost deserted, a lion's share of the daytime lectures finished and a few hours before the nighttime sessions would begin, the space was wide open, vulnerable even. And for a place with so much promise, to Meredith it just seemed a little lonely or forlorn, especially the quad –_between the way the evening skies applied a bluish-gray tint to the endless concrete of the clearing and the way the fallen leaves sometimes skipped and bounced along the ground_ – the place seemed devoid of life. She sighed deeply and shook her head, pushing her shadowy thoughts from her mind as she did.

Stepping up the pace now, she breathed deeply once again, the library in plain sight – _a beacon, her old homestead, her rock, her shelter from moving life and its games of subterfuge – _she looked up and smiled slightly – _the wind pushing against her back now reminiscent of Derek's hand and they way he held her there as they glided up the expansive concrete steps after dinner, knuckle grazing knuckle, barely touching, but touching all the same_ – thedim lights spilling onto the ground from the windows now, just like they always had – _large triangles of bright yellow light, cascading beyond the windows_ – the promise of warmth calling to her without discrimination or judgment. She sighed and took a deep breath of the damp, cold air before she righted her bags once again … her muscles protesting her with every step.

'_Almost there, almost safe and warm and dry', she chanted – her old mantra flowing through her mind like the wind over Derek's land, yet another cherished safe haven – another gift, another beacon … of hope. Hope. Baby tears stung her eyes and a fleeting thought rammed through her mind: did Claire have a place like this, a library, a trailer, a safe place, even one trapped within her mind's eye? _

_Meredith's heart sank, a heavy metal anchor pulling her down, down, down – for there was still no word on the missing girl – not a single clue since the last, it was as if she vanished … somewhere deep, deep within the wild blue yonder where everything was cold and unfamiliar and unforgiving._

With that ugly range of thoughts swirling in her mind, Meredith bounded up the steps, her legs on fire, a thin layer of sweat cloaking her brow as she pulled the door open – _her chest burning slightly right along with her fatigued muscles_ – her body hummed, she decided to head straight upstairs to drop her bags off, bypassing the cafeteria for now in favor of just getting situated. She stepped into a waiting elevator, pressed her floor and leaned her head back against the wall as she waited for the _ding, ding – the ding, ding would tell her when she had to move again – swoosh, swoosh,_ her head swam in the murky waters, she swallowed hard and waited.

_ding, ding_

Meredith opened her eyes and peeled herself from the wall, stepping into the fluorescent-lit space of the library. She was home for now; smiling broadly as she spotted Sissy perched behind her desk, her eyes focused, her hair falling across her heart-shaped face as she read intensely, only to look up when she heard footsteps _– her eyes etched with concern as she tilted her head contemplatively_ – but smiled regardless, for as crappy as she felt, she was always happy to see Sissy.

"Meredith," Sissy sighed as she stood up, she shook her head, the poor thing was exhausted and rightly so. "Long week?" she asked softly, watching now as Meredith moved around the desk and dropped her bags at her feet.

"The longest ever," Meredith admitted meeting Sissy's concerned eyes for a half a beat before she flipped her desk lamp on. "But at least my make-up exams are over," she breathed with relief, her throat dry, her muscles on fire now.

"So, not too much more in the way of catching up then, wonderful," Sissy encouraged, making note of Meredith's skin tone, the rosy tint that had returned to her cheeks was somehow … gone – _an intense worry encapsulated her again_ – and she wondered; would she ever escape it, her worry over Meredith?

"It is and I'm still at the top of the class," Meredith stated evenly, switching her computer on – _she could do this, keep her job, make it until June _– make it to the other side of all this … and then really live for once in her life.

_Sissy scrutinized Meredith for a moment then, watching as the young woman went through her perfunctory steps of logging into the library system, checking her email – her brow knitting tightly for an intense second before a quiet smile moved across her face – her cheeks turning pink now despite the dull light from the computer screen that seemed to only illuminate her tired features. Her smile lingered – her cheeks fuller, her eyes brighter, she had gained weight – it was true, no matter how exhausted Meredith was … there was still a marked improvement in her overall physique. And for this, Sissy was eternally grateful … for the girl would survive. _

Meredith blinked hard and read Derek's short email again. She smiled, musing now _– he did this thing, made her smile when she thought it was damned near impossible_ – simple, little ways of keeping in touch, sending her links to articles for her research papers or small little notes just to touch base. He was a busy surgeon, but somehow made time for her. Something her mother never found the capacity to do, as busy as she was.

She hadn't seen Derek since he met her for dinner two nights ago – _and for some reason it felt like a lifetime had passed since she had been swathed in his warm energy, the linens on his bed no replacement for the man _– and she could admit once again that there was this connection she had never felt with another human being (male or female) and having no basis for this kind of intense connectivity – _she hardly knew what to do with herself_ – she shook her head once again at her conundrum.

Derek's email became blurry as her eyes clouded over with unshed tears. Exhaustion from the week came in droves while she fought to keep her eyes open –_ her mind inundated with research facts, exam problems, copious notations and the last tally of her student loans – _jumbled thoughts of Derek and Sissy and Claire were there too; Claire still missing, still no sign from her elusive captor, and perhaps even worse … no email from her terrified mother either. The heavy weight of her thoughts startled Meredith now like a rip tide until she was drowning in the sea of her own tired mind, her muscles taut and angry, her skin fever-pricked – _her eyes closed like the doors of an armored car –_ her body swayed …something had to give in … maybe it really should be her.

She tore her burning eyes from the screen in front of her and turned to Sissy only to find her friend's deeply haunted eyes – _with_ _small flecks of something new trapped inside, a depth she hadn't seen before seemed to cloak her steadfast friend now_ – a puzzle to which Meredith had no answer, she pressed her lips together instead and thought for a moment of how to begin, thinking it might just be best to rip the Band-Aid off. She smiled tightly.

"I'm about to disappoint you," she finally admitted, her voice cracked.

Sissy chuckled. "Oh, I doubt that," she mused, watching Meredith falter, wondering what the heck was going on in that overactive mind of hers. "But you can try me," she teased, trying to lighten the mood with humor – _using one of those 'man tricks'_ – something that Charles or Derek or her father might have used to diffuse the tension.

Meredith sighed, her body ached, she felt more than queasy and it wasn't from whatever she was coming down with – _it was the weakening of her resolve, minute by minute_ – it was her anxiety and embarrassment in letting Sissy down. She locked her eyes with her older friend now, pressing her lips together as a swell of new tears pooled therein.

"The shift … the days and nights… together, they're just too much for me," she breathed, her admission hanging in the air, caught in her throat.

_Sissy smiled and titled her head to the side – Meredith Grey never ceased to surprise her – of course it had always been that way, but this admission, although surely seen as a weakness in Meredith's eyes only demonstrated the young woman's desire for longevity to Sissy. She was proud of her in a way that made her heart swell._

"I know," Sissy soothed, inching her chair closer to Meredith's, her eyes trained on the open space in front of her, that vast sea of books and papers and periodicals – _the foundation of medicine, of life preservation _– masses of paper and ink and thoughts and theories and perhaps most important _… plans of action._

"You do?" Meredith asked, somewhat mystified by Sissy's awareness, although she shouldn't be surprised by now, for the woman _did_ know everything.

"I do," Sissy breathed, suppressing her desire to speak more on the topic, she waited for Meredith to come to her own terms of leaving her job.

"I'm sorry," Meredith blurted out, her heart racing; she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "If I would have asked for help in the first place … everyone would have still rotated the shift – _nothing would have happened_ – everything would have been the same," she reasoned breathlessly, her wild eyes caught Sissy's for a moment.

"But it did happen, Meredith," Sissy answered. "And in my opinion it was the best thing that ever happened to you," she mused softly, strongly believing every word she just uttered.

"How so?" Meredith challenged but without knowing why – _for she knew the conversation would gravitate toward Derek because Sissy was a believer that everything happened for a reason_ – like fate or destiny or falling in love with and eventually marrying the quintessential boy next door.

"You let your guard down for once in your life, you took a chance and opened your book – _you met Derek_ – and I think if you thought long and hard about that, you might never want to take it back," Sissy stated directly, pushing her young friend to her outer limits and beyond.

Meredith's cheeks heated and once again it wasn't from her fever, no … no it was her movement and progress and dare she admit: _trust_. "You're right," she admitted carefully.

_Because regardless of how she forced herself to pull back from Derek – she knew the effort was a futile one, for her heart had long-since abandoned her instincts to pull away and hide – she also knew that eventually she would surrender and take yet another chance on him … a more solid or intimate chance of trust … eventually._

_Eventually … when the time seemed right, when she was stronger, an equal – and not in the monetary sense – but in the sense of her willingness to give a real relationship a try, one in which she would want to be ready to trust the experience and not screw up out of fear, something she knew both she and Derek would have a hard time coming back from if it ever came to that. _

_Because she so badly did not want to hurt him or betray him or his confidence in her – or the chance he was willing to take – on 'them'. His statement funneled into her head now – 'then I'll be the guy in the bar' – he had said in a low intimate tone … and she had believed him. She smiled brightly over the memory, making eye contact with Sissy – a silent concession, her friend smiled in assent – that part of the conversation was over … for now._

"I'll find someone for the shift," Meredith offered, expertly changing the subject. "It just … it can't be me," she sighed, wishing that it could.

"You don't need to," Sissy replied, their eyes engaged as relief consumed her … Meredith would be fine and she could rest easier now knowing the girl wouldn't be awake for all hours of the day and night.

"I don't?" Meredith countered wide-eyed, sitting up a little straighter.

"No – _the directors finally decided to do away with the shift_ – beginning next week," Sissy answered, a satisfied smile playing along her lips now.

"Finally … talk about timing," Meredith sighed, shaking her head, for the _'wee hour'_ shift was always a bone of contention for Sissy.

"Yes, finally … and you know how I feel about timing and how it presents itself," she mused with satisfaction.

"I may have heard your take on the wills of perfect timing once … or a million times," Meredith teased lightly, feeling marginally better for a fleeting moment.

"I know, I know … let the old lady ramble on and on," Sissy said with a dramatic roll of her eyes.

Meredith giggled slightly. "No, you're fine," she smiled.

Sissy moved closer and smiled too. "You know – _I still have a little money to offer you some daytime hours _– not as many as the whole night shift, but a few late afternoon shifts …," she quietly calculated … just enough.

"Just enough …," Meredith murmured, her heart racing now as her tears gathered. "Just enough …thank you for everything … again," she whispered, her voice cracked and all of a sudden she couldn't see straight.

_Within seconds she was swept out to sea – and it wasn't because she'd given up her job, her autonomy – it was more over Sissy's unconditional support and thoughtfulness. For it was no secret that Meredith never had someone in her life that cared for her like Sissy did; which is the reason she fought Derek so vehemently when it came to their collective idea for her to stay with Sissy and Charles. Meredith wanted to contribute pure and simple, she didn't just want to take – she didn't want a mother-daughter relationship with Sissy – even though for all intents and purposes, Sissy Marc was the only 'mother' she'd ever had. In the truest sense of altruism and connectivity, Meredith valued Sissy akin to a daughter's love for her mother and some of the time this scared the shit out of her. It came down to fear, way down deep, she was afraid – afraid to get too close because if she did – there would be something to lose._

_The circle of her thoughts intensified with speed now – around and around and around they went – with no recourse, no accountability … just pure unadulterated emotion. The ebb and flow too great now as she felt herself slipping under – the heat of her body raging on and on – her emotions bottlenecking, the swell of the sea, the dull ache of her muscles at the forefront again, she knew could barely move if she tried – a sob wracked her body and then another – Sissy instinctually draped her arm over Meredith's shoulders, pulling her closer. _

A horrified gasp escaped from Sissy's lips as she did. "You're burning up Meredith," she muttered, alarm laced throughout her voice, her hands immediately flanking Meredith's flushed face, her bare neck; she was more hot to the touch. "Look at me," she said firmly, staring straight into her green, misty eyes, searching now for clarity. "You're going to get sick again, you need to come with me or get to Derek's straight away," she cautioned – _her heart lunging forward, pinch, pinch_ – catastrophizing now as those old memories of loss funneled to the surface once again.

Meredith conceded; the intense scrutiny of Sissy's eyes was enough to confirm there would be no argument. "I'm just so tired," she sighed after a moment, silently admonishing herself.

"Come home with me now," Sissy requested softly, her eyes scanning Meredith's – _back and forth_ – searching, checking her over. "Our home is your home … even if for one night," she mused aloud, her heart pinching somewhere deep inside _… one night, one night at home … with us. _

"How about just a ride to the ferry docks … I want to rest and sleep and once I start …it might be days before I rise," Meredith smiled, she swallowed hard, hoping Sissy wouldn't be offended by her desire to decompress, to regain her strength and be alone – _the peace and quiet of the land calling to her now, home, home, home_ – as was the solace of the trailer; for she really would be alone and that was just fine by her … Derek was on call.

"Well lets get you ready to go then," Sissy directed with a small understanding smile, for she understood Meredith more than Meredith thought she did – _she was reluctant to leave her considering Derek's schedule _– on the other hand, she knew from personal experience, in order for Meredith to truly recuperate from her ordeal she would need to be where she was comfortable and uninhibited.

***

Meredith sighed into the dry heat of the car, her throat scratchy, her nerves shot as Sissy pulled up to the ferry dock without incident. She unclasped her seatbelt and turned halfway toward her friend, she smiled weakly with one thought on her mind: _home_.

"Call if you need anything," Sissy said softly as she popped the trunk, watching now as the ferryboat docked, the vessel moving closer and closer and closer still.

"I'll call you regardless," Meredith answered with a small smile as she scanned Sissy's eyes, her hidden depths still on display. She leaned over and hugged her friend, immediately lost within her generous warmth, _'thank you, thank you, thank you', _she chanted silently as they swayed slightly in one another's arms. "Thank you … for everything … you mean so much to me," she murmured, her voice cracking through her sentiments. Sissy sniffled, Meredith pulled back, the pair giggled, finding one another through their misty eyes. "We're a mess," Meredith chuckled.

"It would seem we are," Sissy agreed breathlessly – _finding more clarity in Meredith's deep green eyes now _– which left her feeling a bit more confident with the girl's decision to go home to Derek's where she belonged. She sighed. "You need rest Meredith … sleep and drink a lot of fluids and take some Tylenol for that fever … just sleep and let your worries ease for now," she advised, thinking now that she should heed her own advice, for Meredith would be just fine … Meredith was a survivor.

Meredith smiled, slowly getting used to this new element of their friendship. "I will … I promise," she breathed as she pulled on the door handle. "Thanks for the lift," she smiled before she closed the door and grabbed her things from the trunk, slinging one bag over each shoulder as she leaned down and waved to Sissy through the window before she got in line to access the ferry.

Sissy watched Meredith go and as she did, tiny unpredictable tears stung her eyes – _she kept her gateways wide open and craned her neck back in an effort to force them into recession_ – her stifled sob filled the car and before she knew it her body convulsed, _once, twice_. She gripped the steering wheel in an effort to ground herself as she looked down and away for a beat, her eyes falling on the gear shift. She heaved a sigh and put the car into gear, slowly moving into a parking spot facing the water. The car idled and she kept her eyes on Meredith's tiny frame, retreating now as she walked in the small line and crossed over the ferryboat threshold and disappeared into the main passenger cabin.

She shook her head and said yet another small prayer of _'thanks' _– _Meredith would be fine, she closed her eyes tightly and willed it to be true_ – all the while the faint memories of those early days of watching her in the hospital crept back into her mind without recourse. The experience conjured up all sorts of memories for Sissy – _the scent of the recycled air alone_ – a horrifying trigger scent she hadn't expected, one that covered her like a burlap sack with no air inside. She was suffocated and most nights she felt like she left Meredith's room without even her skin to protect her. Charles being out of town was no help either, she was inconsolable over the phone and he was crestfallen, knowing Sissy was in dire straits and he could not be there for her and Meredith.

For hospitals, especially Seattle Grace, had always been like that for her – _the memories of loss simply too great to overlook _– but when Meredith fell ill, Sissy did something that even she couldn't believe she did … she willingly and tenaciously followed Meredith there, keeping her mind in the present – _while keeping her past and her suffocating woes and creeping grief at bay _– to keep a watchful eye on Meredith because she had no one to count on and because for the first time in a long time, if ever, it felt good to _'mother'_ someone instinctually.

_And so even though she fought it at first, she let herself go there eventually – to that dark place she had avoided for so long – this place of motherhood, the one that had eluded her for her lifetime… the one she longed for despite the strong wills of her fate and destiny. _

_And so after all these years, that instinctual desire coupled with the potential loss of Meredith catapulted Sissy into the wild blue, the unknown … and unfamiliar … and with it, she went willingly. _

_And once there, she found herself at the edge of oblivion again – the death of their infant baby staring at her in the face with every turn she made – her sweet, innocent baby boy who lived for only one painful day twenty eight years ago before the hole in his heart gave out and the chasm of his death swallowed them entirely … shattering their dreams into a million unrecognizable pieces. _

_And while there inside the hospital with Meredith – the mother deep inside of Sissy flourished – and for once in her life, she let it … she didn't balk, she didn't run away, instead she embraced it – for Meredith needed someone, Meredith needed her – and especially because there was no other baby, never did they try for another, the loss of life too great and too painful to fathom the possibility of living through something like that again … until now … until Meredith fell ill and needed them. _

The ferryboat began to move slowly, pulling back, far and away now … and with it, Sissy felt a tug deep within her heart – _Meredith was strong, strong enough to overcome a fever, she had no hole in her heart, she had only love_ – albeit love that needed some coaxing, but it was there nonetheless. Sissy's tears receded – _she had to constantly remind herself of that Meredith was healthy_ – that she was strong woman and was learning to count on her and Charles and Derek for the support she needed and for that Sissy was relieved.

She sighed and watched the ferry lights became dim, dwarfed now by the thick fog that surrounded the vessel until they were gone and out of sight. She had it in her mind to call Derek and inform him of Meredith's condition, but then she smiled when she realized Meredith would likely call him herself. For as much as Meredith was strong and strong-willed – _she was powerless when it came to Derek_ – for he had tipped her to the side and led her astray … deep into the wild blue yonder … where she belonged.

***

Meredith found an empty row of seats and sat down, exhaustion following her _– for she couldn't evade it if she tried _– she closed her for a beat and focused on the pulley of the ferryboat, imagining the weight of the boat as it pressed the water down and out of its way. Her fever spiking as Sissy's words echoed in her mind while the ferry carried her home – _yes, she needed to rest and recuperate_ – the world as she knew it crashing down around her now as she felt the pressure she had been holding on to with regards to maintaining the strength for that _'wee hour' _shift.

From her window seat, Meredith watched the city lights disappear through the fog, she shivered; her hot skin rubbing against the mosquito net of damp, cool air. Shrugging her shoulders, she burrowed deeper into her coat – _her core smoldered_ – her body shook against the fire within for it was no use; she was cold despite her raging fever. Sighing, she closed her eyes again – _the ferryboat moved her forward and Meredith found herself further submitting to her weaknesses_ – she needed rest ... she needed people in her life to care about her – _she needed people to care about _– and it was okay, this newfound idea of give and take.

The ferryboat pressed on and forward, effortlessly carrying her home all the while pushing her to her outer limits, her toes still resting at the edge of a precipice – _this plateau she had landed upon when she woke up in the hospital staring into Derek Shepherd's endless gateways_ – each searching for answers only to met with their own reflections, a subtle reminder to look within for the answers they so desired to find.

And for the first time in her life Meredith opened her book and even left a page marker – _sure she was vulnerable still_ – but she felt a certain innate trust for Sissy and Charles and even Derek … and it was enough for now – _although she was certain it would become more later, so certain now as the wild blue of Derek's eyes found her_ – yes, yes … he would become more to her later, she was certain of that and as she dared herself to think the unthinkable, a small smile premiered along her tired face with this realization: _There was no turning back … her book was wide open and so was his._

Eyes still closed, Meredith lost herself for a beat of time – _'Derek'_ – she whispered from somewhere deep inside, her body still humming with fever, the ferryboat still moving forward _–'Derek'_ – she whispered again, his name rolling off of her tongue like raindrops down a window. She sank deeper into herself –_'Derek'_ – she as almost home … her heart lunging forward now into the great unknown without looking back. She closed her eyes even tighter still – _'Derek'_ – focusing now on her intense heartbeat, daring herself once again to believe the unbelievable – _swept away by her conversation with Derek the other night_ – his words swirling around and around, her indelible heartbeat still tangled through the web of her mind.

***

_The pair had met for an early dinner, Derek coming over to the library before Meredith's shift, whisking her off to a secluded local's diner on the outskirts of campus – an older place with a broad menu and self-named 'world' famous entrees – the kind of place that was open three-hundred and sixty-five days a year and would likely be around forever. _

_Meredith sighed a good hour later as they walked back to campus shoulder to shoulder, a satisfied smirk etched along her face as they went, thinking now about the greasy overhead lights and how Derek's eyes were illuminated, still – like he had an intimate secret, one that surely involved her – as they chatted freely, sitting across from one another, each with an oversized deli sandwich, sharing those not-so-awkward glances with a heaping plate of 'world famous' French fries situated between them – Meredith enjoying the delicacy one after another after another while Derek sat idly by and watched her – an amused smile spread across his handsome face … a smile Meredith could get used seeing all the time. _

_A gust of wind barreled through the deserted quadrangle and woke her up, the overcast skies hung low, providing just the right amount of privacy now as the pair ascended the library steps and slipped inside … the warmth still felt like home, crossing over the threshold was like entering some strange alternative universe, one in which she used to live in. Derek rested his hand low along her back before he promptly stopped to face her inside a small pocket of privacy just inside the foyer. He stepped closer and pressed his lips together, the warm air pricked Meredith's cheeks and she felt the sensation move across her skin there. Derek cocked his head and reached out, moving his fingertips along her flushed skin before he spoke in a hushed tone. _

"_Does this feel like a date to you?" he asked hesitantly, his eyes searching hers in the dim shadowy light – back and forth, back and forth they went – the heat from his body covering her like a blanket straight out of the dryer. _

_Meredith froze, her heart stopped beating. "I don't know …," she sighed, looking down, watching Derek's shoes now as he shifted on his feet. She looked up. "I've … never dated before, does it … to you, do you want this ..," she choked out and then cleared her throat. Bang, bang went her heart. "Do you want this … to be a date …?" she asked softly before she swallowed hard – 'say 'yes' … no, no, say 'no'' – she sighed inside, her eyes locked on his now. She blinked._

"_I think you know … I do …," he whispered, his voice raspy, the heat between them intense. He stepped even closer as he reached up and slipped his hand into her wild, damp tresses, holding her inside the moment. _

"_I … ah …," she gasped, no words came to her mind – no playful retort, no plea for him to stop teasing her – just her heart and the way it banged against her chest, the air between them became hotter even still. She swayed on her feet, the intimacy almost too much to bear, her coat suddenly felt like the weight of a thousand blankets._

"_Breathe Meredith," Derek murmured before he chuckled. "I'm not going to bite … yet," he chuckled again, drawing her near. _

"_Derek …," Meredith breathed, her voice hitched. "I'm not … that girl … this girl," she sighed deeply, inhaling a gulp of his familiar essence. _

"_What type of girl are you then, hmm?" Derek persisted, pushing her chin up, he locked his endless, shimmering gateways on hers. _

_She cleared her throat. "I'm … I'm just the girl at a bar," she said softly, afraid to look away for fear he might disappear. "I'm the girl who can't commit for more than … for more than one night," she confessed, waiting for him to flinch, but he never did. "Or I was … it's been …years …," she muttered, leaning into Derek's grip on her shoulders, she connected, grounding herself._

"_Then I'll be the guy at a bar," Derek answered with a small cocky grin. "The one that changes all that … the one you finally commit to for … ever," he breathed, gathering her into his arms for a lingering hug, one in which they swayed together and closed their eyes and basked in the moment of connectivity._

"_Says the guy who's looking for love in all the wrong places," Meredith whispered after a minute or so. Her heart swelled, pinch, pinch … 'please, please give me some time … don't leave me'._

_Derek pulled away and smiled. "See that's where you're wrong … I wasn't looking … not anymore, the effort … was futile … until you just materialized," he smiled wistfully, his blue eyes scanning hers. "Take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere," he answered her unasked question, before he pressed his warm, supple lips to her temple where they stayed. _

***

The ferryboat inched forward and slowly docked effectively waking Meredith up. Everything was quiet for a half of a second before the interior cabin became full with life and light. The few passengers scuffled out of the doors – _swing, swing they went_ – until she was alone for a stolen beat of time, she was almost home. She stood and grabbed her bags as quickly as she could. A shiver of her fever coursed through her entire body as she fished the truck keys from the inside pocket of her bag and made her way off the ferry.

Traveling by rote now, Meredith arrived at the trailer within about ten minutes, virtually leaving the world behind as she slid off the driver's seat, grabbed her bags and closed the door behind her. The wind howled as it moved along the clearing, the earth crackled under her feet – _the trees rustled overhead_ – and everything was just how she left it … _she was home_. She took a deep breath of the fresh organic air – _sage, pine, sea, earth, salt were all there_ – and let the essence consume her for a moment, just enough time to allow her lungs to rejuvenate. She smiled as ascended the steps and swiftly entered the small living space she and Derek called home.

Once inside, she took another deep breath and let that too fill her tired lungs. She slipped her jacket off and hung it up and dropped her bags on the small table there, retrieving the cell phone before she crossed the small space and switched the light over the stove on – _the space all around her softly illuminated now _– Meredith's eyes scanned the area of her home, her enclave, her safe place …and just as she always did, she said a small prayer of _'thanks'_, raw emotion caught up with her again, overwhelming tears pricked her eyes … she was blessed.

She sighed with relief, she filled a glass of water and grabbed a small bottle of Tylenol along with the cell phone and headed for bed. She set her wares down on the bedside table, her textbooks and medical journals taking second place for once as she promptly ignored them along with a superfluous copy of one of her syllabi … _she'd get to that when she could lift her head from her pillow._

For now, all she had to focus on was her weekend here alone, regrettably Derek was on call. She eyed the cell phone and thought call him now and touch base as she leaned down and peeled her jeans off, promptly followed by her shirt and socks. Wearing only her panties and a tank top, she slipped into the cool, familiar bed linens and let her head become quiet. Her fever rocked her core now, her skin cooled by the linens, she rolled over – _she could take Tylenol to reduce her fever, but she'd go without for a while longer_ – a firm believer that her body needed the fever in its arsenal to fight infection. She didn't want to impede her body and now that she was at home, she naturally felt better … more relaxed.

Peace and quiet filled Meredith up moment by moment now – _she had time, time to recuperate, time to think, time to heal and to ponder the wayward way of her heart_ – she smiled deep inside and closed her eyes, Derek's energy was all around her and she felt peace … she was no longer alone.

She rolled over again and pulled the comforter up and around her shoulders, burrowing deeper into that velvety darkness of sleep. And just like so many times since she had met Derek, she found his eyes in the vast darkness – _those wild blues she'd come to count on_ – yeah, she had plenty of time – _'take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere' – _came Derek's voice_ … 'and neither am I' _she wordlessly replied as she slipped under and let the peace in her heart and the raging fever of her body heal her now like never before.

**Chapter 10 – Wild Blue Yonder – Part 2 of 2 to follow.**


	11. Chapter 10, Wild Blue Yonder, Part 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the lovely comments and your time and patience … I do love hearing from you! Enjoy.**

**Chapter 10 – ****Wild Blue Yonder**** – ****Part 2 of 2**

Derek looked up and spotted Miranda across the table from him – _her eyes immediately turned soft, she tilted her head to the side, silently pleading with him to let it all go, not to forget, but to just let it go _– he darted his eyes away and to his right for a beat only to be met with Sloan's unusually perplexed face. The men looked at each other pointedly before Derek shifted in his seat, effectively rejoining the meeting, engaging now as Erica Hahn spoke with the Chief about a risky procedure she wanted to try with one of her long-term patients.

_Derek listened with half an ear now, for it seemed the case was one of those last straws – the surgeon's last desperate attempt, both calculated and methodical, but risky and desperate all the same_ – _because for some, that's what it all came down to, straws of desperation … _

… _and hearts …_

… _and cancer … _

… _and holes …_

_Holes in faith with nothing left but a straw to fill the void. The last of the hope residing deep within the surgeon._ _Hope. Desperate hope. Hearts. Cancer. Holes. Last straws. Last hopes. Last dreams. That desperate last breath. And hope. Desperate hope that not all would be lost. That not all would be forgotten. Hope, the desperate kind … the only kind that resided deep within the best of surgeons. _

New tears stung Derek's eyes and bile rose in his throat as he tried to focus on the Chief's counsel to Hahn, his mentor expertly weighing the risks with her, steering the course with her – _trying to help her keep her emotions at bay while they discussed her precious case, her last hope for a save_ – and Derek _tried_ … desperately _tried_ to focus on the task at hand and somehow _will himself to forget _about the loss of his own precious case … a life lost only this morning – _a boy, just a boy, Jonah was just a boy_ – one with whom Derek had connected with emotionally when he began treating him, _this boy_, his very first patient at Seattle Grace.

Images of the boy's parents flooded his mind now – _their broken hearts on display, the gaping hole left behind by the loss of their baby, also there_ – Derek closed his eyes to escape the onslaught but the shutter of memories only became more intense, rapid-fire style now as the very core of his being was rocked by this untimely loss – _for in his very heart of hearts_ – Derek truly believed he was going to save this boy, this precious young life of five beautiful, yet painful years.

He shook his head and tears collected again; he took a staggering deep breath this time and quietly pushed himself away from the table, quickly turning to pour himself yet another cup of coffee … a cup he desperately wished he could fill with scotch. Taking another deep breath, the coffee infiltrated his lungs while he stood for a moment longer with his back to his colleagues. _He stared now at the coffee – the black liquid in the white Styrofoam cup – a true case of black and white, right there … right in front of his eyes._

_He added sugar – the black liquid swirled in the cup, silently challenging him, sparring, chiding … black and white, cut and save._

_He added creamer, pouring once, twice before he cocked his head, the light brown liquid swirled together… light, lighter, infused now, for life was not a series of black and white – it was a blend of gray – it was more than met the eye. _

_Life was shocking and cruel – sometimes so cruel it felt like Derek had been catapulted into the wild blue without safety net – with nothing but his scalpel and rogue ideas to save him and those he met with desperate hope … those he so desperately hoped to save._

Derek was a million miles away by the time he sat down again – _his heart still in shambles, bile still coating his throat, his nerves shot, he lost the boy, he lost him _– and nothing had changed since this morning, except that everything had changed. And on days like this Derek was relieved to know that he could safely extricate himself from situations like this once he became Chief of Surgery. For in a matter of months, he would likely take a much needed step back from the OR and although he would surely miss cutting, on days like today, when he had nothing else to fall back upon – _no other outlet in his life – _his misery swiftly caught up with him and he quietly submitted and fell into his old habit of berating himself as he replayed the surgery – _those last desperate moves of hope, one, two, three, four _– over and over again as he sought the reason, looking for his errors even when the fault was not his own … even when fate simply got in his way.

His eyes darted to the Chief now – _his gentle, coaxing baritone filled the room_ – Hahn hanging on his every word … desperate to hear what he had to say, although she was surely thinking of how to debate him already – _Derek full well-knowing she didn't go down without a fight_ – but she did respect him, she would test the resolve of his sounding board and would likely do the same to Derek… but in the end, she would likely prevail. Now if the Chief did his job right, Hahn would fully own her decisions regardless of the outcome – _just as Derek did now, just as he sat here _– right now with the loss of his patient hanging around his neck akin to a noose _– 'something had to break',_ _was all he could think_ – maybe it should be him, he finally admitted.

Derek sighed inside as Hahn came to an agreement with the Chief – _one they could both 'live' with_ – he simply patted her forearm with encouragement, muttering something about her being the _'chief'_ when it came to matters of the heart.

Hahn pressed her lips together into a thin line of satisfaction – _for in her book, she had won, she would do the surgery and surrender to her desperation of hope_ – she smiled regardless now, her incredulous chortle (_a noise that landed somewhere between a snort and a huff_) echoed through the small shared space with no place to go. Sloan looked up and cocked his head, intrigue written all over his mug as he surveyed the _'Cardio-Goddess'_. Derek chuckled, making eye contact with his friend now – _'she's way out of your league buddy'_ – he wordlessly reminded him with a shake of his head. Sloan raised his eye brow, crossed his arms over his chest and went back to thoughtfully watching Erica Hahn.

_Smiling tightly, Derek looked away and met Miranda's gaze – and therein he was grounded for a moment in time, his need to tread water waning ever so slightly as he focused on her eyes – nothing but dark pools of calm water resided within – no desperate hope there – not today at least. _

_He cocked his head as the meeting topic shifted to the on-call schedule while Miranda silently pleaded with him, knowing his mind had been swimming all day – black and white and gray and shimmering … full of subtlety – and then he smiled for the first time in hours._

_Yes, a subtle ray of faint hope was there, deep down inside … and it wasn't desperate – it was hope, pure and simple – just a glimmer … just a slice … just enough._

'_Meredith', he breathed her name silently, way down deep, deep into the trenches of his core – 'Meredith' – for she was a faint ray of hope … subtle and in no way desperate. Not black. Not white. But Grey. He smiled inside unsure if his lips curled up, but certain they must have as he saw a glimmer of something cross over his dear friend's face – what was it – hope, yes … and no, no it still wasn't the desperate kind. _

_Derek cleared his throat, his spine straightened now by some kind of invisible power or rod or fishing line – call it hope, call it inspiration – no matter the term, he felt lighter than he had all day, he swept the room with his eyes and before he could think (or swim or drown), he spoke. _

"Ah … if it's alright with all of you … I'd like to take myself off of the weekend on-call rotation for the next couple of weeks," he interjected, his voice crackling through the silence of his mind. He surveyed the players for reaction as his thoughts started propelling again.

The Chief smiled tightly. "Well I have no objection to that … frankly, it'll be good for you after the day you just had, plus you've audited the shift for months already so –"

"So …," Sloan snickered. "I don't know Chief," he said casually. "I kinda got used to Shep lurking around on my rotations, keeping me on my toes," he chided with a chuckle before his face became more serious and betrayed him. He nodded to Derek and scanned his watery eyes. "Jokes aside, you could use a break," he encouraged, knowing the time off would be good for him, especially after the morning he had.

"Sorry about your patient," nodded Dr. Hahn as Shepherd looked at her intently for a beat.

_He looked better now than he had all day she surmised evenly – for she had been around this morning – he nearly ran her over as he careened out of the scrub room before he apologized profusely and slipped into the nearby men's room where she was pretty sure he threw up. And as she watched him now her heart sank, just like it did this morning while she kept her eyes on the bathroom door and quietly waited for him to emerge. He was always so confident … so sure … not necessarily happy, but outgoing with a great bedside manner and she secretly wondered how he would deal with such a meaningful loss, for Shepherd was a good doctor and would likely make an excellent Chief of Surgery – but it was the __man__, not the surgeon who slipped into the men's room – and that man was broken … and hopeless … the last of his desperate hope gone too and she knew something had to give – she knew that now just like she knew that then – both the man and the surgeon deep inside of him needed a break. _

"So Miranda …," Richard said, turning to his Chief Resident for the final word.

"Well, it's about damned time," she muttered frankly. "I have it in my mind not to let you back into this place on a weekend until you take _his_ job!" she exclaimed lightly, wagging her finger between the tired pair of men who sat in front of her. The players chuckled before they moved on to the last item on the agenda.

_And so as Derek sat back for a moment and pondered what it might mean to get out of this place on a weekend when he really could use an excuse to stay and keep his mind occupied – he suddenly smiled, halting that downward shame spiral – because even though he would spend the nights alone, Meredith would likely be home during the day and that was something to look forward to – something that gave him hope – and not the desperate kind either. _

***

A couple of hours after the ink had dried on all the masses of paperwork for his dear lost boy, Derek stood at the helm of the ferry and watched the twinkling lights along the darkened coastline inch closer and closer before he closed his eyes for a brief moment – _maintaining his tight grasp on the metal railing as he silently grounded himself, inhaling a large gulp of the fresh air_ – pressing in down into his lungs, preserving it, cherishing it because it was his fate to breathe another breath.

The heavy air particulates cloaked him – _cold and wet and salty and organic_ – sinking deeper into himself now, he imagined the salt of the earth clinging to him as he tried to fill the hole in his heart left behind by the loss of his young patient … _this boy, only a boy, Jonah was just a boy_. Derek opened his eyes, he didn't want to _feel_ anything, he _craved_ ambivalence … but it never worked that way. _Never … for the losses always meant more than the saves. _Fresh tears stung his eyes, he was suddenly freezing and numb and no … no … it wasn't from the climate on the helm.

_Shivering, he shoved his hands into his pockets and reluctantly turned to head back to the warmth of his car, in a matter of minutes he would be home. Home … where everything would be too quiet and offer too much time to think. Even if Meredith would be home tomorrow, he still had to make it through tonight … but then his mind drifted for a beat and that glimmer materialized again, that ray … that sliver … and he let himself bask within it now, desperately trying to remind himself that he wasn't totally alone. _

_Once back at the car, he slipped into the drivers' seat, his clothing damp, his nose freezing, he sniffled. He pulled his damp wool cap off and set it on the passenger seat, his eyes falling on a small stack of mail (his Netflix lineup on the top) and paper-wrapped bottle of scotch sat there too. He pressed his lips together as his wares became blurred around the edges – the scotch would aid in the numbness, he just wanted to disappear, even for a short while, just for tonight, for he couldn't make his mind stop thinking about Jonah's parents and the magnitude of their loss – his heart twisted, bile rose again and fever pricked his skin … no, he couldn't breathe, their loss too great to even ponder. _

The ferryboat began to dock, Derek turned the ignition and cracked the window – _the cold, damp air infiltrated the car_ – he took another cleansing breath and looked up, peering into the overcast skies above before he fastened his seatbelt and readied to disembark from the ferry, the car in front of him inching forward, Derek following suit and within a couple of minutes he had crossed over the threshold – _almost home, he thought with a tight smile now_ – his eyes reflexively falling to the spot where Meredith typically parked, completely derailed when he realized the truck wasn't there … _it wasn't in the lot period! _

More than startled, his gut instinct was to worry, thinking now he wouldn't have even seen the truck parked at the big city lot because he wasn't looking for it. Mindlessly, he pulled his PDA from his hip and thought to call Meredith right then and there to check on her, but as he drove on … a small smile crossed over his face when he had an epiphany of sorts – _she took his truck and she felt comfortable enough to do it _– and he wanted her to, by God he wanted her to let go of her inhibitions with him and just live and do what she needed to do to become whole and healed.

He wanted that for her and selfishly, he wanted that for himself too – _because he really wanted to get to know the __real__ Meredith_ – and the true colors of the woman who had captivated him from the moment they met. All that, plus if he was completely honest, he didn't really like the idea of her making that short jaunt to school by foot every day – _she was still rocked by waves of intense fatigue_ – although she would hardly admit to it whenever he broached the subject with her.

Derek pulled the car onto his makeshift driveway breathing a sigh of relief before his brain registered the sight in front of him _– the truck parked alongside the trailer_ – his heart banged against his chest … _something was wrong_, for Meredith Grey would never miss work, unless Sissy had finally done away with the _'wee hour'_ shift. He sighed, either way; Derek knew that the Meredith he would encounter was not likely to be a happy one. His mind in a tailspin now as he swiftly parked the car, grabbed his things from the passenger seat and stumbled up the porch steps to the front door where he wasted no time before he crossed the threshold and found her … just as he did the first time he ever laid his eyes upon her …_ peacefully_ _asleep._

He dropped his bag next to hers and released a deep sigh, letting it fill the small space of the trailer, his wordless call hanging in the once-private enclave – _he surveyed Meredith's sleeping form for a long moment, allowing the day's events and the sullen eyes of the boy's parents to recede for now_ – sighing again as he set the bottle of scotch down on the counter and unclipped his PDA's, spying her easel calendar there as he did – _curiously she hadn't marked the day off yet_ – he smiled tightly, June … June would be upon them before they knew it.

He pulled his jacket off and hung it up next to hers, turning around to find her again – _and that's when he saw it_ – from his vantage point he could now see a dewy sheen set along her beautifully flushed face. He slipped his shoes off and took a step forward and then another before he landed at the foot of the bed where Meredith Grey once again rendered him speechless as she opened her emerald eyes to greet him.

"Hey," he said from his spot, somehow afraid to move, somehow reluctant to tip the scales in one direction or another. "You okay?" he asked softly.

"Hey," she replied; her voice cracked, dry _– she squinted through her heavy eyes to see him more clearly in the dim light_ – her head fuzzy and thick with fever still. She blinked, her eyes volleying between him and the glass of water perched upon the night table.

_Derek followed her eyes and shuffled along the side of the bed before he sat down on the edge and helped her sit up – his mind moving at the speed of light now – his instincts taking over as he made note of the heat radiating from her alabaster skin, silently checking the dilation of her pupils as he held the glass of water with her while she took a small sip and then another. He watched her take a deep breath, the swell of her breasts hanging free beneath the thin fabric of her tank top – her natural beautiful curves hard to miss – for even now she was stunning, her skin silky and smooth and endless … she was finally healthy … she had gained weight … she just needed to rest. _

"When did you last take something for this fever?" he managed to ask as he rested his palm along her hot cheek without thinking. She leaned into his touch _– also without thinking, and he welcomed her natural reflex _– wanting nothing more than to gather her into his arms and hold on for dear life … connectivity was in the air.

"Hmm, it's just a fever … and nothing, I haven't taken anything," Meredith sighed, watching now as an intense halo illuminated his form – _he was an angel, her savior, her last hope still_ – his cool hand rested on her neck now, just along the edge of her tank top, her pulse beating against his fingertips … _pulse-pulse._

_She cocked her head – her fever swelled, her cheeks heated and she almost spilled the glass of water – the vibrations between them just too intense for her lithe form and there inside that moment she realized she was more relieved than she ever thought possible to see him. And even though the look on his face alarmed her so – it pushed her to the edge of intimacy at the same time – it almost seemed like a dream that he was even there at all. She reached out and grasped his hand in hers in an effort to ground herself and make the dream her reality. _

"People recover from fevers," she reasoned, trying to allay his concerns, reaching up, she took his hand from her neck, laced his fingers through hers and moved their hands down to her lap where they stayed.

"Most people haven't just begun to recover from the trauma your body has endured – _as strong as you think you are Meredith_ – you're over-doing it and you need to bring this fever down … immediately," he cautioned, his eyes scanning hers the whole time.

_Without another word Meredith submitted to both Derek and her exhaustion, relaxing her searing body against the cool pillows behind her – admittedly too fatigued to argue with Derek Shepherd the 'go-to' neurosurgeon – for she had already learned she could argue with the man, but not the doctor._

_She relaxed further into the pillows and lost herself for a beat in time – the wild blue yonder calling for her now as her heartbeat slowed down, down, down – knowing she would indeed rest easier because he was home, even though somewhere deep within her murky recesses, Meredith knew he shouldn't be there with her at all – for he was on call – he was always on call._

_Losing sight of herself even more, she dipped deeper and deeper into the undertow of her wandering mind, her head spinning now as she focused intensely on what made her dream of Derek in the first place, besides their connectivity and his innate way of soothing her and the way his essence filled her up – besides all that – she wondered what made her find him in her mind's eye just then? _

_Pulling herself up and over the current of deep blue water – she abandoned him all together – trying to shake her mind awake … awake enough to take something for her raging fever and gain some semblance of control over her station. With the weakening of her resolve still testing her limits – she opened her eyes and fully expected to be alone in the trailer in the middle of nowhere – but was completely startled to find Derek right where she left him, his palm open now with her dose of Tylenol there – one, two, three, four – she met his steadfast eyes, the water within gray and choppy … but hopeful all the same. _

"You're really here …," she murmured breathlessly, her voice catching up with her mind now as her heart and cheeks burned, her pulse quickened without her consent.

"I am," he whispered, opening her palm, he rested the Tylenol there before he handed the glass of water to her, she was delusional and likely dehydrated. He scanned her wild eyes, lost within her dry heat now – _'please, please just let me take care of you, you're a safe bet, you don't need saving'_ – was all he could think.

"I thought I was dreaming," Meredith admitted, smiling weakly as she swallowed the Tylenol with small consecutive sips of water … _one, two, three, four_**.**

Derek chuckled, knowing there was some truth to her statement, but brushing it off for now, at least he was home to take care of her (if she let him). "Nope, it's really me … you're knight in shining … whatever," he kidded, trying one of those lame _'man jokes'_ in a desperate attempt to ease her weary mind.

"Real funny," Meredith sighed, pushing herself further into the pillows again, losing herself within those choppy waters and then without another thought she felt her smile fade, her heart sinking as she reached out and rested her hand along his tired face. "What happened today Derek?" she whispered. "Why are you home?" she gently persisted, her heart on fire now as she scanned his eyes for that hopeful optimism she'd come to count on – _knowing it was there somewhere deep inside the man_ – only it was protected for now.

"No reason," he dismissed gruffly, surprised by his abrupt tone. He sighed and shook his head. "Sorry," he muttered weakly before he leaned into Meredith's touch, diverting his eyes as he did. "Just a change in schedule … one that I'm okay with now," he confessed, daring himself to find her eyes again. His heart quaked. "It's …," he sighed – _'life changing; life altering'_ – he wanted to say. "You should sleep …," he murmured instead.

_Meredith took a deep breath, Derek's proximity suffocating her ever so slightly now; she couldn't take her eyes off of his if someone paid her to… she felt certain he'd disappear into thin air if she did. So she stared at him instead and submitted to the unique position she found herself in – allowing herself to worry about him – because as sick as she was, she knew something happened at the hospital. She was sure of it, for even with the looming threat of losing Katie Bryce that day, Derek's eyes never looked as haunted as they did right now._

_She blinked hard, her head swam and she tried her best to tread water, but her eyes became too heavy and fatigue overcame her and finally won the game. In a last ditch effort to steady herself, Meredith tugged on Derek's hand and pressed her dry lips together – 'please, please don't leave, I'm not going anywhere' – she silently pleaded before she dared herself to speak._

"You'll be here?" she asked, her voice so small, so childlike she hardly recognized it at all.

"I will …," he assured. "Sleep …," he encouraged, before leaning forward and pressing his lips to her hot temple, pulsing ever so slightly, breathing her in, feeling sated when she slipped back to sleep under his touch.

Derek stood and watched over her for a moment longer, the knit of her brow relaxing, her face soft and round again, her aura at peace. He sighed and reminded himself that she would be fine and as he turned around he spotted the bottle of scotch on the counter, realizing he had no need or interest in that brand of numbness now – _for Meredith was still subpar and he knew he could easily lose himself in her and not at all in a bad way_ – just in a way that he had the chance for a life … _a living, breathing life_ … outside of Seattle Grace. And for once, even with the day he just had … it finally felt good to be home.

He swayed on his feet, suddenly overcome by his own exhaustion as he stood there intent to follow Meredith's lead and let sleep come for him. He crossed the room and carefully opened his closet doors, retrieving a fresh pair of pajama bottoms and a long sleeved shirt, his eyes darting to Meredith before he quickly changed, leaving his clothing in a heap on the floor at his feet before he turned around … a smile spreading along his handsome face now as he slipped into what had become _'his'_ side of the bed.

_Derek let his back relax into the mattress, pressing his vertebrae down one by one, daring himself to sleep, hoping the state of delirium would come easily for him despite the haunting eyes and spirits of Jonah's beloved parents – their loss a part of his personal history for now – and for all time._

_He listened intently now … the quiet solitude of his homestead fell on deaf ears for the first time since he bought the land. And within the raging quiet, he finally let go and submitted to the triplicate of his raw aches and pains … physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion encapsulating him now while he did nothing to stop himself from careening into the velvety darkness of sleep – allowing it to swallow him and his anguish – and therein he admitted to himself … he was just a man, a man with a gift to save some, but just a man all the same. _

_Completely deflated now, he silently wept inside the silence like never before and much like 'Alice in Wonderland', Derek fell … deeper and deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of his mind – grasping at the dark earth all around him – Meredith's shallow breathing his soundtrack for the lost moment as he compelled himself to focus on her instead of his unearthly imbalance. _

_His heart lurched forward and he focused intently on matching his beat with hers – 'breathe in, breathe out, help me save myself' – he whispered and therein he found her endless and hopeful gateways and he stared straight into them akin to a worshipper at an altar._

_Breathing even deeper still, his heart beating in tandem to hers, Derek willingly became lost within Meredith's innate prowess over him and only then did he truly fall down that rabbit hole … falling … falling … falling now … in love … and fast, fast asleep._

_And there he stayed, silently connecting inside this moment of alignment until he felt Meredith's heat cover him like an electric blanket and whether it was dream or not, he reflexively wrapped his arms around her small frame, pressing his nose into her wild, damp tresses while she held on tight just like him … where they braced the wild blue yonder … together. _

_***_

_What could have been mere minutes or hours later, Derek was pulled from the silence … a faint, alternative buzz, the culprit. Opening his eyes, he blinked hard and found Meredith flush against him, his arms naturally around her, her nose pressed into his neck, her hot breath fanning his flesh … her aura, her unbelievably calm and soothing essence was all he could feel and breathe and wished to live by._

Rousing himself awake, he found her cell phone … the persistent vibration moving it along the bedside table. Reaching over, he eyed the LCD and saw it was Sissy and without thinking he opened the phone and pressed it to his ear. "Sissy," he whispered, reluctantly extricating himself from Meredith's heat.

"_Derek?"_ came her melodic voice as he rolled out of bed. _"You're home?"_ she asked breathlessly, her relief evident.

"I am," he answered, eying the clock, he'd been asleep with Meredith wrapped around him for about an hour.

"_How is she?"_ Sissy asked. _"Did she call you?"_ she asked and he could tell her mind was reeling just like his.

Derek sighed, his eyes falling on Meredith's sleeping form. "She didn't call me … I came home and found her asleep," he offered as he grabbed a fleece and threw it on, slipping out and into the cold night air to ensure she would stay that way … she needed the rest.

"_Did she still have a fever?"_ Sissy inquired. _"What happened to your shift?"_ she asked and again he could hear the clicks of her mind as they worked.

"Yes … I had her take something … she felt … ah, cooler just before you called," he replied as he sat down on folding chair and tucked his cold feet under his thighs, his eyes swept the clearing and he officially woke up.

"_And your shift?"_ she asked tentatively, as only a mother would.

"I …," he breathed, watching the tufts of his hot breath twirl up and into the cold, unforgiving atmosphere – _training his eyes on the fog of his particulates as they became one with nature_ – the salt of the earth.

"_Derek?"_ came Sissy's voice.

"I'm here … I just lost a … my train of thought for a second," he assured, sitting idly by as his trepidations gathered speed of their own while his lungs caught fire, smoldering with the clean, fresh oxygen.

"_What's on your mind?"_ she coaxed, her breathing hitched.

"What's on yours?" he asked, trying his best to breathe normally.

"_You first," _she sighed resolutely.

_Derek chuckled and pressed the phone to his ear in an effort to combat the ricochet of the wind across the delicate connection. Closing his eyes for a beat, he listened now – the leaves rustled overhead, Meredith's heart beat on and on just like his – he shook his head, Jonah's parents still etched in his mind's eye … still in pain … still shell-shocked … still at a loss. He swallowed hard, pressing the bile and acid down, down, down. _

"I lost … a patient today," Derek confessed opening his eyes, tears welling already, the clarity of the clearing long gone, only the frigid air remained. "He was just a boy …," he stifled a sob; Sissy's gasp filled the line.

"_Oh … Derek,"_ came her soft soothing voice. _"I … how?"_ she choked out.

"He had a series of brain tumors, this … little fireball of life … he … he was an amazing child Sissy," he smiled in recollection before he swallowed hard, the bile and acid coating his mouth now.

"_He was strong, he sounds like he was … a survivor,"_ Sissy breathed.

"He was … for months … until …," Derek sighed, losing himself again, fighting to keep his voice level, even. "He was my first patient at Grace … his cancer was tenacious, some of the tumors were just inoperable – _but every time I got what I could _– until today … and his parents …," he breathed heavily, moving the earpiece away from his mouth. Tears fell, he looked straight up and into the overcast skies … his heart shook. "I can't let go of them … I can't …their faces … their pain … how do they go on without their boy?" he cried, his nose wet as he sniffled, a fresh set of tears falling along his cheeks … his heart ablaze with defeat now.

"_I wish …," _came the whisper of Sissy's soft voice.

_Then nothing. _

_The wind crackled over the line. _

_Then a staggering deep breath. _

_The trees danced with the wind overhead. _

_Then a muffled, tortured cry. _

_The water rippled far off in the distance. _

"_If I could take this anguish away from you … I would do it in a heartbeat,"_ Sissy finally breathed, her voice labored, her pitch high – _very similar to that pitch he heard earlier _– the very same intonation of Jonah's grieving mother.

_Then a horrifying realization._

"_She's going to wake up then … and soon?"_

_Then a staggering deep breath. _

"_You … you'll need more than just this place one day Dr. Shepherd, you'll see …,"_

_Then a muffled, tortured cry. _

"_What would your mother do? What would she tell you to do … I have no children and obviously I'm a bit lost …,"_

"Sissy …," Derek said desperately, his woes slipping into the background. "Sissy … what … what happened … what happened?" he asked hesitantly, his heart breaking yet again as her words moved around in his head like missing puzzle pieces.

"_Oh … oh dear …,"_ she sighed heavily through her tears. _"I … can't …,"_ she cried.

"Sissy …," Derek whispered as a tsunami of unforeseen grief pricked his heart; he shifted and stood … his feet glued to the cold wood planks of the porch, suddenly afraid to move.

"_I …we … our son … we lost our son, our baby boy …,"_ she blurted out, crying freely, her sobs surely rocking her body now. Derek swallowed hard.

"Oh crap … you know I'm sorry I should have never …said anything …," his voice trailed off as he listened to her cry and sob and sob and cry – _the last of his desperate hope bubbling to the surface now _– he'd do anything to fix it for her … he began to pace.

"_Derek … it's okay, I can be here for you, my loss doesn't … trump anyone else's,"_ she sighed.

"I'm sorry for _your_ anguish … if I could take it away, I really would," he whispered into the wind as he turned again and walked back from whence he came.

"_It was a long time ago … and our baby wasn't meant to prevail, his time came and went – but we had the most glorious twenty-four hours with him – hours that have sustained us for a lifetime already …," _she spoke evenly, her voice trailing off now.

_And even though Derek knew that Sissy Marc had likely uttered those words many times over throughout her lifetime … the high pitch was the same – the pitch of a mourning mother, this guttural, core-breaking, silencing pitch – for it was a tone unique unto itself and every time Derek was in earshot, he crumbled away on the inside … for it was the sound of desperate hopelessness._

"What was your boy's name?" Derek asked softly, he came to a halt, pressing the phone to his ear so as not to miss her answer.

"_Daniel,"_ Sissy answered; her voice so soft, so doting and reflective he was sure she was smiling … he melted inside. _"And yours?"_ she inquired, because she likely really wanted to know.

"Jonah," he answered; a small smile spread along his face now too.

"_Nice name,"_ she replied softly. _"Nice boy,"_ she muttered.

"Yes … he was … he was a very good boy," Derek sighed, freezing tears welling again as he said good-bye … for now. "Is Charles home?" he wondered aloud – _God, she shouldn't be alone_ – was all he could think.

"_No … but soon, he should be walking through the door anytime now," _she muttered softly. _"And Derek … about Jonah's parents …,"_ she offered before her words dropped off the line. Derek held his breath, he heard her sigh. _"There's nothing you can do … the loss is catastrophic, it will become part of their whole life, their landscape … their past and present and future …,"_ she stuttered quickly, unable to continue.

"I know … intellectually I understand …," he answered after minute. "I just wish I could have saved them all," he confessed, his heart in shambles, the high pitch ringing in his ears.

_The friends were quiet for a moment, each lost within their own deep reflections. Derek turned toward the clearing and tried to find a focal point of the water in front of him. The wind kicked up and just like thunder in the theater – the scene had changed, he heard the nightingale's call – and therein his heartbeat slowed down, his lungs on fire still … hot on the inside, freezing on the outside. He shivered. _

"Does Meredith know about your son?" he asked gently after a moment – _thinking now about Meredith's insistence on maintaining the status quo of her relationship with Sissy _– her tenacity in wanting to preserve what they had already.

"_I think she suspects something … I haven't told her, although I've come close any number of times …,"_ Sissy answered.

"I assume being at Grace was –"

"_Terrifying … but here's the thing Derek … this is Meredith we're talking about,"_ she stated evenly. _"And I think you know there's nothing I wouldn't do for that girl,"_ she said with a resigned sigh.

"I know the feeling," Derek smiled, raking his free hand through his wild locks.

"_I know you do,"_ Sissy retorted.

"For what it's worth," he sighed. "I think Daniel was blessed to have you for a mother," he said softly.

"_It was a blessed day, that much is true,"_ she agreed reflectively.

"Do you want to stay on the line until Charles comes home?" Derek asked hopefully.

"_No, I'm alright,"_ she sighed.

"You're sure?" Derek asked, wishing he could make sure she was okay.

"_I'm sure … and Derek … you must know – you're a good man and a good surgeon – and I imagine it must be hard to remember that sometimes … but see, you have to move on … don't you see now how __really__ living your life can soften the blows of these bad days?" _she asked.

"I do … I do … I'm feeling more hopeful," he smiled.

"_I can see that … Meredith can do that, you know," _she conspired lightly.

"She does," Derek agreed, his broad smile lingering now.

_And as he found the courage to say 'good night' to Sissy, he didn't feel the pain of losing Jonah quite as much – he still heard the mourning mothers' pitch – but it wasn't deafening, it was ever-present just like it always had been … just more vivid and certainly more intense now that it also belonged to Sissy. _

***

Derek closed the trailer door behind him and slipped into the bathroom, his absence seemingly unnoticed, Meredith sound asleep just where he left her. He sighed and peeled the fleece jacket off, hung it on a hook, drained his main vain, washed his hands and started to brush his teeth. He leaned forward and stared straight into the vanity mirror, finally taking a moment to take a good look at himself. He rinsed his mouth. He looked and felt like shit.

He exited the bathroom and headed straight for bed; the cool linens somehow felt warm against his frigid skin. Rolling to his side, he surveyed Meredith for a moment, finding peace in her energy and the way her honeycomb hair fell all around her face like a halo – _and in that moment, despite the weight of the day flowing through every muscle and nerve in his body_ – Derek realized he would be blessed for this, to fall in bed next to Meredith Grey (every day for the rest of his life). He pressed his lips together – _she was close enough to touch, to get lost in, all he had to do was reach for her_ – but he didn't, for now he just kept his eyes on her: _his ray of hope._

_He closed his eyes and let his mind, body and spirit relax into the mattress once again, his energy spent, too fatigued to even play the simplest games on his mind as he slowly began to drift away. And inside that barely there moment, he felt her physical hold on him again – the unmistakable touch of his savior – he opened his eyes and was met with peace. Meredith was awake and undeniably the most gorgeous, perhaps the truest to herself he'd seen since they met. She was sated and happy and relaxed … she could have been a dream. Her eyes were shimmering, glassy and full of flecks he never noticed before … multi-faceted, just like the woman._

"You didn't leave …," she whispered, somewhat mystified by seeing him right there, her hand on his cool forearm. She inched her pillow closer.

"No," he answered softly. "Just outside, Sissy called to check on you," he announced, covering her free hand with his, drawn to her warmth.

"Hmm, okay," she swallowed hard, her body cooler now; she laced her fingers through his.

She blinked hard and found him there in the dim light and watched as his eyes closed for a split second before he found her again in the darkness – _that look of defeat still etched along his strong features and no, she realized now, those choppy waters inside his eyes earlier were not made from her imagination_ – he looked worn and not at all like himself. She took a deep breath and inched even closer.

"What happened today?" she whispered, reaching out, she ran her fingertips along his hairline, trying her best to absorb whatever ailed his weary heart.

_Derek had no answer – he couldn't say 'nothing', for 'nothing' was a complete injustice to what happened – and he wasn't convinced now was the time to open up … so he just stared at her instead, watching now as her brow knitted and a tailspin of deep thoughts consumed her. _

"I know something happened at work, I know you too, you know – _I see that bottle of liquor up there _– and I know you didn't think I would be … home," she choked out. "Derek … talk to me, please," she whispered, her heart trembling, her eyes glassy for fear of what he might confess.

Derek pressed his lips together and shook his head. He reached out and laid his hand along the beautiful plane of her cheekbone. "Tomorrow," he smiled weakly. "When you're feeling better," he whispered.

"No," she stated firmly and shook her head, leaning up on her elbow, her hair falling along her shoulders, the sheet draped just over her trim hips, the waistline of her black panties peeking out now – _but she had no care for any of that –_ modesty had no place here … for she only had eyes for him. "No," she repeated with a soft smile. "Now … when it means something," she encouraged.

_Derek looked up and smiled broadly at this survivor of a woman he was so smitten by – she was definitely feeling better if she was arguing with him – he chuckled slightly and found her hand and pushed his palm against hers – a precious gesture of 'give and take' – it was what they both wanted … he smiled and tried to still his heart before he spoke. _

"I lost a patient of mine today, a small boy, Jonah … he was amazing, Meredith … and lost him and his parents … _his mother_ … she's just haunting me," he confessed with a pinch to his heart, pressing his lips together – _pressing even harder against Meredith's palm while she grounded him_ – his mind wrapped tightly around Sissy.

"I'm sorry about your boy," she whispered, her voice cracking inside that searing intensity of their proximity.

"Me too," he sighed, his eyes never leaving hers as their heat consumed him, covering him like a safety net he so desperately needed.

_Meredith smiled weakly and pressed her hand against Derek's still before she laid her head down on her pillow again, keeping her eyes trained on his – the wild blue returning now – watching now as his haunted, empty eyes were slowly filled in with that hope and peace she had come to rely upon._

"Derek," she sighed, searching is eyes, watching him rejuvenate. She shook her head, still searching, _back and forth_. "Jonah's mother …," she tried again before she closed her eyes on him, daring herself to speak.

"Meredith?" Derek breathed; his voice hitching, she opened her eyes, his heart racing slightly.

"I … I've seen that haunted look before … my mother, for one – _you know_, _she lost me once she was overcome by her illness_ – and she always looked at me like she was missing me or trying to find me …," her voice trailed off as the inertia of her unspent emotions got the best of her; a gasp she hardly recognized fell from her lips, her realization: _she had seen those same haunted eyes earlier this evening … only this time they belonged to Sissy. _

"I'm sure she was … _missing you_ … makes sense," he whispered, lost within her wild, captivating eyes.

_He lay there for a long moment then wondering what was really on Meredith's mind, his thoughts fleeting to Sissy and Charles now, knowing he was home and likely taking care of his woman. While Derek basked in Meredith's energy as it flowed freely all around them – the ray of hope within her eyes becoming brighter and brighter now – her cheeks flushed, no doubt in his mind her fever was starting to rage inside her body again._

_Somehow though, he couldn't make himself move, he didn't dare extricate himself from this defining moment. He was in awe of her power over him – and Derek didn't like to feel powerless – but when it came to Meredith … like Sissy said; there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. And so he did the only thing he could – he kept his eyes trained hers – intent to just watch her live inside this stolen moment with him. _

_Meredith cleared her throat – Sissy, Sissy, Sissy – shrugging now against the obvious, recollecting now all the times she wanted to ask that simple question … why someone like her, 'Mother Earth', did not have children. For if ever someone was born to be a mother … it was Sissy Marc. _

_Collecting herself now, Meredith did her best to impede the onslaught of worry that would soon consume her … Sissy … Sissy who had always mothered her so naturally, so perfectly natural – was haunted, she was haunted – way down deep where her desperate hope lived. Her dear friend was haunted. _

_She shook her head and watched Derek watch her … she smiled tightly and wanted nothing more than to lose herself within him and this stolen moment of theirs. Slowly though, she came out of her fog of imbalance – her fever had surely spiked again – her mind swimming now … lap after lap after lap while she carefully formulated her words._ _She shook her head and took a deep breath._

"Meredith … talk to me … please," Derek whispered, his eyes boring into hers, pleading with her to open … her book.

"Before …," she sighed. "What I meant before was that, for my mother anyway_ – the way she lost me just became part of her, just like the way she lost herself – _it became part of her landscape and thereafter her eyes were always weary and scared and lost and … haunted," she sighed heavily.

"I can't imagine it … what losing a child feels like," Derek sighed, his heart pinching, squeezing, he closed his eyes – _Jonah was there_ – right where he left him.

"Nor can I … but … Jonah's mom – _she was probably a good mom, a good mother_ – and I don't think she would want you to be haunted by her Derek …," she sighed as unwanted tears welled, Derek became blurred and she lost him in the fog.

_Without thinking Derek moved swiftly and folded Meredith into the envelope of his arms and held her as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do. Meredith submitted, the weight and heat of her body consuming him immediately, her face in his neck, her knee jackknifed over his thighs as she held on tight and stifled her emotions for several long minutes. Derek opened his eyes and craned his neck back, finding a clear reflection of him with Meredith in the skylight above them and no … no … his eyes were not haunted, not anymore. _

_Meredith raised her head and stared at him now as she moved flush against his side, leaving her leg draped over his. She smiled weakly, her eyes still wet. Reaching up she ran her fingertips just under his eyes, never blinking … never speaking … until she did._

"You … you Derek … you're wonderful and Jonah's mom knows that … too," she smiled, her heart trembling now. "You were her last hope …I get it …," she whispered, her voice cracked and a small set of tears slipped from her eyes as she watched Derek Shepherd – _the man inside the Renoir_ – become whole and healed while she looked on … boxing him in with everything she had in her.

"You get it …," he declared softly with a smile – _his heart racing at the prospect –_ the halo of the dim light doing nothing short of miraculous things to Meredith's physique.

"I do," she whispered, submitting to his heat and energy as she basked in the untamed blue of his eyes.

"You'll be here?" he asked, fatigue and tension catching up with him without his consent.

"I will … I'm not going anywhere," she soothed.

_Leaning forward, she pressed a lingering kiss to his cheek with her hot lips before she lay her head down in the crook of his neck with all the uninhibited ease and comfort that came with being at home. _

"Your fever's back," he whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to her bare shoulder, pulsing his lips on her sweet flesh, instinctively finding his elixir hidden within her essence.

"Sleep first ... fever later," she muttered as her eyes closed, for once enjoying the heat of her fever for _this_ man, her last hope and so much more.

_And as Meredith fell fast asleep – she let herself run wild and free – she didn't stop herself from believing she was meant to be where she was – wrapped safely inside Derek's capable arms – she didn't balk … she didn't hide … for once in her life … she let herself be … happy … and sated._

_Sissy's voice bubbling to the surface now as she did, it was something she said to her once while she was in the hospital, something that made perfect sense now as she listened once again to the wise mother she found within her beautiful friend … _

"_People are made to endure Meredith – people overcome adversity all the time – they find themselves … perhaps in a place they can't fathom …,"_

_And therein, deep inside where her desperate hope lived – Meredith learned to see how one person can restore another person's hope even if it takes a lifetime for it to happen – now all she needed was for Claire to materialize. _

**Chapter 11 to follow.**


	12. Chapter 11, Spring Green, Part 1 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: ****Thanks for waiting for this; I know this excuse is redundant, but it is viable, real life is just super busy for me at the moment. Hope you enjoy and I truly hope this was worth waiting for, thanks again for the interest …please leave a review. **

**Chapter 11 – Spring Green – Part 1 of 2**

Derek pulled out of the hospital parking lot and onto the main road – _cracking the windows despite the rain, he took a staggering deep breath of the heavy spring dew_ – he was ravenous for fresh air and beyond happy to see his home away from home receding in his rearview mirror as he inched further and further away, pressing on and moving toward his second weekend off in almost four months.

He sighed, setting the wipers to an intermittent speed while his mind still reeled with something Meredith had said to him the morning after her fever broke – _her words still rummaging around in his head looking for a place of permanent residency _– it was a statement of few words and there was nothing elaborate or contrived about it. But to Derek, it meant more and more as the days passed – _how eerily apt_ _he realized now_ – with her upbringing (_her mother's absenteeism and her father's disappearing act_), it said something about her – _and this small insight into her psyche_ – meant even more to him given his profession and his apparent unwillingness to accept and search for love (_until recently anyway_).

He stopped at a red light, his eyes wandering down a small side street he liked to admire, the houses both quaint and well-maintained – _he often wondered about the neighborhood, realizing now it kind of reminded him of Charles and Sissy's street_ – he smiled, the light turned green and he ventured forward, making quick notice of the brighter green leaves therein, the dull green of winter almost gone now. Life was good – _the seasons progressed –_ spring had indeed sprung and almost overnight too … it was certainly a season of change, his mind naturally drifted to Meredith.

_He smiled tightly now, marveling once again at the way she managed to put it all into perspective, so matter-of-factly, this true, indelible statement she made – this mantra she must have lived by for a long time now – her raspy voice small and reflective, her eyes wet with emotion … her words coming straight from her heart:_

"_Love doesn't die, Derek. People do."_

_People died. She was right – people died all the time – they died and left their families behind with endless love lodged in their hearts. It was true, Derek knew that much and was slowly accepting that it was okay to love, even with the fear of death or loss – his mind flew to Jim Washburn – the man who lost his wife the day Meredith Grey came rolling into the pit and into his life. Jim, he sighed aloud as he wondered how the young grieving man was – then he wondered how Jonah's parents were – then he wondered how his mother was too, still in love with his father, even now … even still. _

His felt his heart quake; he flipped the windshield wipers up one speed – _his visibility improved, quite literally now as the rain began to fall harder_ – yes, it was true: _people died but love didn't._ He smiled, for he didn't lose anyone on his table today and for that, he was thankful – _for his heart was still in shambles over Jonah's death and even more so, Sissy's loss _– and with her loss in mind, his thoughts drifted to his father again. He smiled, a stock image of him in an old baseball cap barreled through his mind now and Derek let that old love sink in and released a long exhale that brought him back to the present _– he sighed with resignation_ – it would be a long time before he would regain composure regarding the misguided actions he took the other night. But in the end, he still had those stolen moments with the boy, those times when he got a glimpse of the real Jonah and the spitfire within him –_ it was true, his love didn't die, just like the love he carried for his father_ – he was left with just enough to hold onto now and it was a beautiful thing.

_So where did that leave him?_

It had been a week – _a week in making things right, a week of Meredith checking on him while he checked on her, while Sissy checked on both of them _– but even with all the checking, somewhere deep inside he was still overwrought with guilt for allowing _the man, not the doctor_ to consume him that night. Ultimately Derek knew the Chief was right, eventually he'd have to own it and there was nothing he could do about it now – _what was done was done and he needed to learn from it because if he didn't, he would come to realize a lifetime of regret_ – and to that point, his mentor added: _'that he too also met a woman once who turned him inside out and shook him upside down to the point where he also felt not normal'. _

And to this summarization, Derek had to laugh out loud – _and not because the Chief assumed there was a woman involved or that the woman __he__ happened to be talking about was Meredith's mother_– no, no, it wasn't the irony at all, he laughed because she really did – _Meredith really did tip his world to the side – _and in the most satisfying way possible, she made him feel _'not normal'_.

Not necessarily abnormal – _just not himself_ – and therein he did things that were uncharacteristic for him, he let his guard down and in the end, he just wasn't prepared to have people around him like Meredith or Sissy who cared about him and how he dealt with the range of emotions that came with being a surgeon – _the emotional implications simply too great now_ – with his mind set upon leading a full life _outside _of the hospital, it was imperative that he find a healthy work-life balance.

Of course he had his family – _his mother and sisters, it wasn't as if no one ever asked, 'how are you, how was your day'_ – except his family had always been there and were comfortable with the firm rule of doctor-patient confidentiality. With them, there was a natural line already etched in place – _one that was drawn with the patient's confidence in mind_ – it was a big black line, one that said –_'do not disclose my personal information'_ – one that said,_ 'what happened at the hospital, stayed at the hospital'_.

And so upon examination of his own emotional condition _– Derek realized he had absentmindedly let himself go _– and almost from the very beginning of this thing (_this relationship with Meredith Grey_). The Katie Bryce case was a prime example – _for on nothing more than a hunch, an instinct _– Derek let Meredith have at it and diagnose his patient, almost doing so without giving the idea a second thought! A patient diagnosing a patient – _it was incredulous and stupid and completely out of character for him and yet_ – Katie Bryce would have likely perished without Meredith's keen eye and intuition.

_So where did that leave him?_

In recovery mode – _he was recovering and just like Meredith_ – he had begun to shed this old layer of thick skin – _molting like a snake at springtime_ – he was slowly dismantling those old barriers to entry in favor of erecting a retaining wall of some sort, a mechanism to provide him with some means to find a healthy work-life balance.

A shiver ripped up his spine now as he closed the windows and pulled into an available parking spot at the college, the library towering in front of him in the dim evening light as the rain began to pound against the car, his visibility all but gone now as he sat back – _he had about five minutes to spare before Meredith's shift would be over – _he'd wait for a minute here and then duck inside. Closing his eyes now, he let the rain shower soothe him, his mind instantly drifting back to that morning, to that small sliver of time when everything just stopped as he and Meredith sat across from one another on his bed and crossed lines – _both real and imaginary –_ to get to one another.

###

_Derek was warm when he woke up – that familiar nighttime heat still insulating him as he lay in perfect tranquility, his eyes closed – chasing the dark comfort of sleep, he rolled over and closed his eyes even tighter, 'slow, deep breaths', he self-soothed as a twinge of darkness encroached upon him again … he relaxed, falling deeper and deeper into that sleepy warmth. _

'_In … out, in … out', he breathed, still coaching himself – 'slow, deep breaths' – but alas, he was too far gone, he was awake and therein his world became his reality once again. Disgruntled, he rolled over … he was awake and he didn't want to be. For all he really wanted to do was to slow his heart rate down and avoid for a bit longer, trying once again to come to terms with his indiscretions with regards to Jonah's case. The effort was a futile one though – he knew this much now as his emotional turmoil quickly got the better of him – bubbling to the surface akin to a forgotten pot of boiling water on the stove._

_What was he thinking?_

_His heart raced, fever pricked his skin … he was a mess, he knew better – even with Meredith and Sissy's innocent desires to be there for him – he knew better! The ink was barely dried on the boy's paperwork! There were regulations and boundaries for a reason! It didn't matter that he had long-since felt the most comfortable living within those boundaries, for it was no secret to anyone who knew him that he liked the protocol and predictability of the physician's code of ethics – he liked the certainty – he liked knowing where he stood … even when he didn't … and that was all fine and good, until now. _

_What had he been thinking?_

_His private tirade continued now as he asked those silent questions in a raised, but hushed voice, deep down inside … the last of his desperate hope gone now that he was thinking clearly again. Because in the end, Meredith was right, he was all set to come home and drink himself to sleep before he saw her there, curled up … in his bed. _

_And in that moment, his mind switched gears as he spied her there, this still-life portrait of the life he so desperately wanted – a life outside the hospital, so real and within reach now – that he let himself go for the sake of living it … if only for one night. He let his guard down and he became a grieving man, not the surgeon he was accustomed to being … but why? _

_Was it simply that Meredith was there and her eyes told him it was okay to trust her or because he dared himself to believe in that trust in the first place? _

_Was it because Sissy asked her question or because he dared himself to answer her in the first place?_

_He still had no idea, all he knew for sure was that there were lines for a reason – until those boundaries faded and left him there in uncharted territory – 'there were lines', he reminded himself now much like he had throughout the night whenever he woke up – 'there were lines'– lines that were crossed and virtually impossible to avoid with Meredith Grey crossing those lines in tandem as she burrowed deeper and deeper into their heat, her lithe body soldered against his in the deep darkness of sleep while her fever raged on and on. _

_Derek took a deep breath, 'Meredith', he sighed somewhere deep inside – quieting himself now as he listened for her steadfast breathing – nasally and deep, but oh so calming and predictable too. 'Meredith', he lay still – he heard nothing, he was alone, morning was upon him – the trailer was quiet save for the birds, their heady calls to one another echoing in the vast woods all around them. _

_He was awake and he could do this, he decided now, he could have a life outside the hospital, there were just certain boundaries that he needed to be mindful of – he'd talk to Richard, but he'd talk to Meredith first – it was as simple as that. Because there were lines, lines that needed to be taut, but not angry – he could do this – he could find the balance, for deep down he knew he had no choice, just as sure as winter would turn to spring without looking back … Derek Shepherd would turn to Meredith Grey and surely never look back. _

'_Meredith,' he heaved a sigh of relief now as he heard the door open and slowly latch shut – listening to her footsteps, loving the comfort of having her here – she moved about the trailer, running the water, filling the coffee pot up … he suddenly loved the idea of the mundane … morning rituals, the idea of domestic … what was it, bliss? His eyes still closed, he heard her sigh, then the flip of some paper – he opened his eyes and spied here there – marking an 'X' through yesterday on her easel calendar. He watched her smile as she flipped ahead, running her fingertips around the frame of her Renoir couple … June, June, June. She pressed her lips together, her blond hair fell, masking her beautiful profile – the dust particulates danced in the air, the coffee began to brew – Meredith tilted her head up and looked in his direction._

_She smiled when she met his eyes – 'God, she was gorgeous' – was all he could think with the way her green eyes sparkled in the dim morning light or the way her yoga pants hugged her hips and left nothing to the imagination or the way her cheeks heated right in front of his eyes (even if it was from her fever) – she was, or she could be – the part of his life he'd been missing for …ever. _

"_Hey," she greeted with a soft smile, her melodic voice now dancing amongst the air particulates. She set her calendar down, her gaze lingering there for a moment – she pressed her lips together, he watched her smile – and so was he by the time she found him again._

"_How's the Renoir?" he asked with a small smile; he watched her cheeks heat again – perfectly flushed, her eyes suddenly glassy – she smirked._

"_Beautiful, perfect …the same," she answered with a small smile._

_She turned away then and pulled two mugs from the cupboard and poured some coffee into one – hovering the carafe over the other as she turned back to Derek – silently asking him if he wanted some. He nodded and continued to watch her prepare his coffee exactly how he liked it – reaching into the small refrigerator for the milk, then dipping a spoon into the canister of sugar, once, twice – a wide satisfied smile adorned her face now as she came to stand at the foot of the bed. Derek smiled and pushed himself up against the pillows, Meredith took his cue and walked around the side of the bed where she sat down and offered his mug to him. _

"_Thanks," he sighed, cradling the hot mug in his hands. He watched Meredith take a sip, he followed suit._

"_Welcome," she answered before taking another sip._

_The pair fell into a comfortable silence then – each sipping their coffee, absorbed in their own thoughts – while any awkwardness between them fell away, for they really didn't know each other that well, even though Derek was sure he knew Meredith better than most at this point. There were times when they were reminded of just how very unique their circumstances were and so he wondered yet again, how did he evolve to be here – right now, sitting with Meredith on his bed – sipping coffee as if they'd done it for years already? Her eyes flicked to his, peeking at him from beneath her lashes, her heart-shaped lips resting against the rim of her mug. Her cheeks heated under his watchful eye; she lowered the symbolic 'barrier'._

"_How's your fever?" Derek asked, reaching out, he rested his hand along the plane of her cheek. She was cool to the touch, no fever … she was just blushing. He smiled and melted on the inside. _

"_Gone," she sighed, leaning into his palm, ever so slightly, just enough to connect._

_She smiled then and raised her mug to her lips again – he did the same – although he kept his eyes on hers and wondered what was on her mind, unable to stop himself from wondering if he said too much last night, despite his own misgivings, he wondered now, had it been too much for her, his mind went nuts – Sissy, Daniel, Jonah, Charles – tiny, quick imprints pressed themselves into his memory bank … Meredith averted her eyes, craning her neck up and back, she peeked through the skylight above them._

"_What are you thinking about?" Derek asked as she stared through the window; his heart went nuts –waves and waves of her wild, golden tresses, thick and healthy fell away from her regal neck – she was a sight for sore eyes._

"_How things evolve," Meredith answered, locking her eyes with his again as she lowered her head. "Winter became spring, just like that – you wouldn't think it would do that here with all the rain – but it does …the rain is different this time of year, don't you think?" she asked softly, cocking her head. _

"_Hmm, it is … spring rain washes everything clean – everything is fresh – and different … it creates new beginnings …," he replied, his eyes never leaving hers as he stealthily changed the topic._

"_New beginnings …," she mused with a smile. "To new beginnings," she added, holding her mug up and forward. _

_Derek smiled and gently toasted on her salutation. "To new beginnings … and taking chances …," he replied, his voice trailing off as he stared at her; his heart banging around in his chest, he took a symbolic sip of his coffee, so did she – for it was true, everything was new and different for them – the seasons had most definitely changed. _

"_What are you thinking about?" Meredith asked him this time – her curiosity evident despite the hesitancy in her voice – her deep emerald eyes sparkling with interest now._

"_You mean besides how much I like having you around?"Derek quipped, his own eyes surely sparkling now, he set his coffee mug down on his bedside table._

"_You like having me around ..,"Meredith repeated evenly – a statement of fact – she raised no question._

"_Love it actually," he brazenly offered without missing a beat. _

"_Why?" she smiled, sparring now … he sighed, she was feeling better._

"_Well … okay …," Derek chuckled, taking a deep breath as his heart raced – he pushed himself up to sit a little straighter – a more serious expression set upon his face. Meredith snorted, leaning back a little bit. "Don't be scared," he sparred with a chuckle, raising his brow. _

"_I'm not … if I was, I wouldn't be here out here … in the middle of nowhere …," she teased. _

"_With me …," he added with a smile of his own._

"_With you …," she sighed, looking down and into her empty coffee cup. "So …," she prompted, looking up again._

"_So … well … you're nice to look at – you keep me warm with your fevers – and I…I like you, Meredith … I …," he sighed, 'like having you with me,' he finished silently. _

_Meredith smiled and for once her cheeks didn't blush, instead she cocked her head, leaned over and set her mug down next to his, moving a little closer to Derek in the process._

"_What are you not telling me then?" she asked pointedly after another minute. "None of that explains the serious look in your eyes … what else is on your mind?" she persisted without judgment._

"_Boundaries…," he muttered after a minute, daring himself to be candid with her._

"_Boundaries …," she repeated, surely daring herself to dig a little deeper with him. _

_Derek took a deep breath and pressed his lips together. He wasn't sure where to start, he wasn't sure of he even wanted to start – except he wanted this thing with Meredith – whatever it became or evolved into … he wanted it … and he wanted her … and that was about the only thing he was sure of at the moment. He thought about it for a moment longer before he began to speak, an apology would be a start._

"_Meredith … I owe you an apology," he sighed, shaking his head. "Last night – I said too much, I broke half a dozen regulations with what I shared with you about Jonah – and I'm sorry … I just don't … I don't know how to do this …," he whispered in confidence, his eyes trained on hers still._

"_To do what … let go? To trust me?" she probed gently, he could see she was trying to lean into it, trying to let her own guard down … to really listen to him. She shook her head and took his hand in hers. _

"_No … I trust you … more than you realize …," he sighed, his heart raced on and on. _

"_You trust me …," she confirmed, a soft smile covering her face now. "I … I trust you too," she confessed, a tiny gasp fell from her lips. She shook her head. He smiled; absorbing her revelation. "But you … Derek, what … can't you do?" she asked hesitantly as her eyes became wet. She pressed her long fingertips to her lips, perhaps in an effort to hold herself inside. _

"_Work …," he sighed heavily. "Work and … lose people and come home to someone … come home to you …," he rambled, his heart raced as he watched Meredith for a reaction._

"_You've never done this before," she stated evenly, her cheeks flushed, she blinked and those waiting tears receded._

"_No, I've never done this before," he answered softly, honestly. "Not like this …," he shook his head and pressed his palm against hers, 'not when it meant something', he finished silently._

"_You know I don't know what I'm doing either …," she offered softly, lacing her fingers through his. _

"_I know," he answered with a small reflective smile. "We'll figure it out …how to be … normal around each other," he added thoughtfully. "Whenever you're ready … if you want this –"_

"_I know … and I do want the time … I just need time," she answered firmly. _

"_I have time," Derek replied, pressing his lips together into a thin smile before he pulled her into a hug._

_Her head fitting naturally into the crook of his neck, her arms around his waist, his nose pressed into her wild hair he loved so much. He sighed heavily, squeezing Meredith's hand now as his mind raced – they could take their time and figure this thing out – how to be normal and uniquely 'them'. He felt Meredith tremble slightly – he hugged her even closer still – she sniffled and pulled back after a moment. Her eyes were shining, she shook her head, he rubbed her back, her arrow-straight spine reacted to his touch. She shivered. _

"_Don't regret it – anything you told me about Jonah – promise me, you won't," she sighed, her breathing stacked now. _

"_Meredith," he soothed, brushing her hair away from her face._

"_I'm glad you said something, it was my fault … I persisted, I just …you … just don't regret it because I'll never forget it, not a single word …," she rambled, her heart surely racing right along with his now._

"_I'm not asking you to … I just, I can't do it again, this job – my job – it's just painful sometimes … but I'm human, I'm just a man … I have to grieve like everyone else and quite frankly … I'm used to being alone," he sighed, relieved to have opened up, just enough, for now._

_More tears gathered, adding layers of beauty to her already endless eyes – Derek stared at her – waiting for some kind of fallout, waiting for her to say this was already too much. But instead she said nothing, she smiled and sniffled and stared right back at him._

"_I get it – the loner thing – I get it … can I just say one more thing on the topic though?" she asked softly, linking her fingers through his once again before she cocked her head. _

"_Sure," he sighed without hesitation._

"_I … Jonah … ah, well … hearing about him from you, it just solidified something for me," she said softly, a small set of tears crashed along her fuller cheeks._

"_And what was that, hmm?" Derek asked, brushing his thumbs along her soft skin, moving her salty tears away._

_She smiled weakly, leaning into his touch now. "Your pain made you human to me – it somehow made you real, turned you into a man – I already know what a wonderful doctor you are …," she breathed. "But for me, for me, I'll never forget last night … never," she sighed, her nose red, her eyes brimming with fat tears._

"_I won't either … and I am, Meredith … just a man and last night I was in pain and you were here … and I'll always remember how you were … with me," he reiterated, insurmountable relief consuming him now._

_Meredith leaned over and kissed Derek's cheek before she quietly settled herself flush against him, her knee jackknifed over his thighs, her ear pressed over his heart. His hands found her back where he rubbed her down, down, down, smiling now as she grew heavier in his arms. _

"_Will you try to remember something else too?" she whispered softly after a moment. _

"_I will," he answered, matching her tone as she craned her neck back and found his eyes. _

"_Love doesn't die, Derek. People do," she stated firmly, her voice small, but sure and steadfast all the same. _

"_Words to live by," he replied softly, staring right back at her._

"_So you grieve for those you love … but then you hold on to what you know – hold on to what you love about them – and then … ," she sighed, her face contorting with a new level of emotion, his heart broke, she shook her head and fought to continue. _

"_And then …," he prompted softly, his fingers dancing along the smooth plane of her cheek._

"_And then … you come home … to me," she breathed, her voice cracking before she rested her ear over his heart once again, where she stayed … both comfortable, both silent and reflective … both at home within each other's arms._

###_  
_

The heavier rain shower suddenly stopped – _'and then … you come home … to me'_ – the vacuum and veil created by the passing storm lifted now and Derek opened his eyes. He took a deep breath, his mind still lingering on the recent past – _the humid air within the small car filled his lungs_ – and he smiled as he stepped into the much lighter spring rain _– right where he was meant to be – _on his way to meet the woman who held both his logic and his heart in the palm of her beautiful hand.

**Chapter 11 – Spring Green – Part 2 of 2 to follow.**


	13. Chapter 11, Spring Green, Part 2 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading, please continue to let me know what you think!  
**

**Chapter 11 – Spring Green – Part 2 of 2 **

Meredith smiled as she glanced at the clock against the far wall in front of her; the silence was captivating; the clock ticked on … _one, two, three_. She took a lasting breath of the stale air, suddenly starved for the end of her shift despite her keen interest in the blond and beautiful tigress, the female half of her _'library couple'_ – _her tiger nowhere to be found, it had been a week, a week with her beautiful face dull and lifeless, the sparkle also gone from her big blue eyes_ – she was miserable.

And painful to watch, so much so that Meredith wanted to pry, she wanted to somehow wrap her arm around the tigress and tell her it would be okay, but both Sissy and Derek disagreed, they insisted she leave well enough alone … and it was slowly killing her. For it was hard to sit idly by and watch the woman suffer in silence, it was just too much _– after years of watching them together, of watching them fall in love and __be__ in love _– she too felt invested in the relationship and somewhat imbalanced by their departure from the status quo – _she wanted this small surety in her life back_ – for the tiger and the tigress were rather consistent and predictable, much like the couple in the Renoir. They were what they were – _painted in her mind's eye_ – portraits of happiness and proof that true love existed. And Meredith needed that reassurance, with her feelings for Derek spiraling out of control now – _she needed to believe that this desire for him wasn't just some elaborate rouse in her mind _– she needed to know and believe in relationships, she needed proof, she needed longevity and consistency – _and in her 'library couple' she found what she was looking for_ – until now.

_So where did that leave her?_

The elevator chimed – _this dull, muted chime that for years had blended into the foreground of the space _– this natural intermittent occurrence, one that somehow belonged within the quiet solitude of the rows and rows of publications, both old and new … _paper, glue, ink, chime, chime._ The doors opened – _Meredith immediately looked for Derek, suddenly breathless now, for the elevator chime had become something more to her as of late, something significant_ – she felt her cheeks simmer to hot … for she was waiting for Derek … waiting … and anticipating (_much like the tigress waited for her tiger_).

_Meredith smiled tightly, admitting to herself once again that a small piece of her heart had indeed been amassed for Derek Shepherd and the rest: her mind, body and spirit were not too far behind now. _

She closed her heavy textbook, slipped her highlighter and pencil and notebook inside her backpack and stood, all the while wondering how she ended up here, waiting for Derek so they could grab some dinner before they would head home – _'home', she sighed deep inside, a second weekend alone, together_ – her heart banged against her chest but she did nothing to slow it down or quell the tremble that coursed through her body. _Nothing, for the effort was futile … she had fallen for him. _She pressed her fingertips onto her desk to steady herself, her eyes flicked to the clock again … _one, two, three_ – _forty-eight uninterrupted hours alone with Derek _– surrounded by all that land, nothing but a couple of new flicks from the AFI List and an old game of Scrabble – _her heart raced on and on_ – but she did nothing still because it actually sounded kind of perfect.

_So where did that leave her? It left her waiting … _

_Waiting for Sissy to come back from the basement with a file … _

_Waiting for Derek to arrive … _

_Waiting for an email from Floret … _

_But most of all she waited (and quite breathlessly) for the tiger to show up and finally put a smile on the beautiful face of his tigress. _

Meredith sighed and closed her second textbook, the elevator chimed again and she watched the blond beauty's eyes dart to the doors just like hers – _it would seem they would still wait in tandem_ – as only a lone student bounded free from the steel box; the doors closed. The tigress was deflated; Meredith's heart shook for her. She sat down again and logged into her email one last time, just to check for a message from Floret – _for her last message was elusive_ – much like Claire's captor.

She eyed the clock on her screen, she had about five minutes until her shift was over and Derek would indeed arrive and hopefully if the rain stopped they could walk out and get some fresh air – _he'd want fresh air, she decided now _– smiling now as she realized she probably knew Derek Shepherd, the man, better than most and just that thought alone made her happy. She could admit that much – _she could also admit that while things between them were complicated and unique_ – she wouldn't change a thing, especially after their conversation last weekend, the one she might always remember as a pivotal time for them in the early stages of this thing, _their thing_ – _this moment when Derek adjusted his moral compass to accommodate for her presence in his life_ –she smiled yeah, she could admit that this grand gesture made him more real to her and further imprinted the idea of their longevity together.

Her email came to life on the screen – _several new messages from one of her study groups_ – along with the one she had been waiting for … _Floret, Floret, Floret_ … her email was entitled _–'They Found Her Treasures'_ – Meredith's heart skipped a full beat as she opened the item and read her dear friend's heartfelt message.

_Dearest Meredith,_

_I write to you with some news and while the discoveries may not be concrete, I must have hope my dear friend, for without hope and faith … what do we have in the end?_

_Just this morning, they found Claire's locket, a treasure, I can hardly believe it myself … as I type this message to you my hands are indeed shaking. _

_Yes, they found this small piece of my daughter, a small heart-shaped charm, still within was a picture of Claire on one side and our inscription to our beloved daughter on the other … so no, no, there is no question as to its origin. It was Claire's, a small … sign, I like to believe. The locket was found near an old abandoned barn well out of the way of our town here. The inspectors later scoured the area with a fine-toothed comb and the barn turned up empty, save for another clue._

_In the loft of this barren space, devoid of life except for maybe the change of seasons, the inspectors found Claire's scarf – this small woven treasure made from spring green wool – it was gifted to Claire, knitted by hand by my grandmother, her great-grandmother, who made it for her when she was just a tot. And although it was just a scrap, a small piece, that was all that there was … you see, it was unraveled … I can only presume by Claire, for she wouldn't part with the keepsake, not ever … for no reason other than to provide us with some hope, some clarity … some, dare I say, peace of mind. _

_You might ask … where does this leave us? _

_My impression is that the inspectors are also hopeful, they believe the captor has taken Claire down to the shore … having adjusted his compass now that winter has evolved into spring with the colder months a distance memory, the harsh conditions waning ever so slightly. They are in hot pursuit and with any luck they will find our dear girl and the remainder of her spirit … her hope … her treasure and all that might remain of her beloved scarf._

_I wish I had more to tell you, I wish it could be the day in which I call or write to you to announce Claire's safe return home, but for now, all I have is hope and for once it doesn't feel like the desperate variety. _

_I will write soon and as always I do love to hear from you my dear friend. _

_With love and kindness, _

_Floret_

Meredith was a world away now – _her mind and heart reeling for Floret, her thoughts, prayers and energy focused on Claire – please, please, please_ she begged from somewhere deep inside as she hit the_ 'reply'_ button. Tiny tears of hope mixed with fear crowded within her eyes as she stared at the blank screen, the cursor taunting her while she tried to come up with something inspiring to write, but where to start – _hope, tragedy, faith, treasures, hearts, winter and spring_ – hmm, spring … springtime would indeed bring new life and new hope to the forefront now. But those waiting tears fell anyway, bringing her out of her reverie. Exhaling deeply, Meredith silently ground herself – _'she would be fine' _– she heaved from that deep, soulful place and for a brief moment it wasn't clear to her just who she was thinking about … Claire, Floret or the tigress.

_Failing at the task at hand, Meredith closed her eyes for a beat – a collection of new tears gathered now, hope, fear, anticipation – she opened her eyes to find Sissy coming around the large library desk, her concern evident._

"Meredith, whatever is it?" Sissy asked; her eyes scanning her young friend's face – _back and forth_ – spying her email client open now, her heart lurched … tears … Floret, Claire.

"Oh," Meredith sniffled. "Hopeful tears … here, read this email from Floret," she murmured, pointing to her screen.

Meredith read the email again as Sissy read, the friends turning to each other after a minute – _hope, intrigue, relief _– mirrored within their shining eyes as they both smiled reassuringly.

"Well, that's promising news … wow," Sissy breathed, her eyes still moving over Floret's words – _'They Found Her Treasures' _– her heart hitching once more for the lost child and her anxious mother.

"It's a sign right – _a pivotal moment, something tangible like this_ – don't you think?" Meredith wondered aloud – _'please, please, please'_ – she whispered to herself.

"It certainly does provoke hope," Sissy offered softly, unable to look away from the brilliance she found in Meredith's eyes at that moment – _for the girl was hopeful and there wasn't a doubt that she believed in the power of the treasures_ – her gateways now filled with awe and anticipation which was a welcome change for the girl, much like winter evolving to spring.

"It does, Floret sounds good … doesn't she?" Meredith asked, seeking Sissy's reassurance because she needed it – _for on too many occasions to count she had become unraveled with worry over her friend _– reading her words over and over again, doing her best to assess her Floret's mental state despite the many miles between them.

"As best as she can be – _there's one thing about Floret, she's a strong woman_ – so brave … and now hopeful too, all of which makes for a powerful combination …," Sissy reassured softly. "Claire will turn up soon … she's alive," she added, pressing her hand to Meredith's forearm as she stood upright and pulled her satchel bag from underneath the desk.

_Sissy was right – and Meredith could feel it too; the girl would turn up soon, for she hadn't perished – and for the first time since the nightmare began, Meredith Grey had hope! They all had hope and suddenly everything was brighter or illuminated; she could finally see more clearly. Her eyes fell on the elevator doors for a beat before – Derek would be here soon – she smiled inside and turned her attention back to Floret's email. _

Sissy slipped her coat on and draped her arm along Meredith's trim shoulders, spying her message to Floret – _her key strokes confident now_ – a small smile perched upon her face as she typed words like: _hope, confident, strong, treasures, smart, soon._

"I'm taking off, Charles should be out front," she said softly as Meredith finished with her message, surprising her now with a brilliant smile.

The elevator chimed and both women looked up. Time stood still – _and Meredith stood up _– when she spotted Derek stepping over the threshold. From the corner of her eye, Meredith watched the tigress sigh with disappointment before she turned back to her book, situating herself deeper into the seat cushions of the armchair she resided within. Meredith sighed in resignation too but smiled all the same, for Derek was here.

His eyes instantly found hers and he smiled broadly, raking his hand through his ebony locks as he moved. Her heart raced and from the distance, she assessed his mental status, something she'd been trying to do since last weekend whenever she saw him. But now, all she could focus on was her heart and how it banged around in her chest – _he was here and he looked happy and sated_ – the worry gone from his eyes … his day was done. She smiled and he cocked his head and sauntered closer; dressed in typical Derek garb _– mid-length wool coat, khaki pants, blue pinstripe shirt, black cashmere v-neck sweater_ – he looked good and happy … and sexy as hell.

Sissy walked around the desk with a box of files she intended to take home. She watched as Derek glided closer and closer – _his gaze steadfast, unwavering and full of love_ – captivating Meredith with only his eyes now. She set the box down on the desk and melted inside then, just a little bit _– for anyone could see he was smitten and so was Meredith _– noting the fluorescent lighting did nothing to conceal the natural flush to her cheeks.

"Hey," he greeted softly as he came to stand in front of Meredith; his heart rate picking up just from the sight of her, for she was gorgeous, even here with the dim lighting with her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail; her beautiful eyes tired from a week's worth of reading … she stunned him, even still.

"Hey," she smiled brightly; her eyes trained on his; bright blue and endless like ocean.

Sissy walked around the desk and they turned to her – _Meredith smiled_ – and she chuckled with a knowing smile in return.

"Sissy," Derek greeted, pressing a quick kiss to the soft plane of her cheek.

"Derek," she chortled, unable to hide her joy at seeing the two … _almost in love birds_. "Always nice to see you … I'll be right back, have to get my bags," she winked with encouragement; Derek chuckled.

He winked at Sissy before she disappeared down a small hallway behind them. He watched her go and turned back to find Meredith, following her gaze as her eyes scanned the main seating area in front of them – _the beautiful woman still forlorn_ – he sighed in defeat; Meredith's _'library couple'_ must still be at odds.

"Anything?" he asked hopefully after a minute.

"Nope … he's still M.I.A," Meredith sighed and turned back to Derek; watching now as his eyes softened around the edges. She smiled weakly but then her heart rate spiked, her eyes surely brightening when she remembered the news from Floret.

"What?" Derek asked, cocking his head to the side, his eyes fixated on hers.

"There's news from Floret," she answered, her heart on fire now as she shut her computer down. "They found Claire's locket and a piece of an heirloom; some wool she unraveled from a scarf of hers," she stated evenly, her eyes searching his for hope. "She's alive, Derek," she added, her voice cracking as small tears pricked her eyes.

"Her treasures," Derek breathed with wonderment shaking his head – _his heart racing on the news_ – they would surely find her soon, it was a sign … Claire was alive.

"Yes," Meredith answered, her hand pressed over her heart in an effort to steady herself.

"It's really something, isn't it?" Sissy interjected as she rounded the corner with a bag on each shoulder.

"It is, it's something to hold on to … wow," he smiled broadly.

Sissy took a deep breath. "I must go, Meredith, you'll call me?" she asked softly, taking note of the sparkle of hope set deep within her friend's eyes now.

"I will," Meredith answered. "Enjoy the symphony," she offered with a smile.

"Oh we will," Sissy breathed, picking up the box. "You kids should come with us sometime, we have season tickets," she mused, her heart fluttering with happiness all of a sudden, it was the first time in months she didn't feel uneasy about leaving Meredith for the weekend.

"Sounds like a nice idea," Derek answered with a sincere smile. "Here, you have your hands full – _let me take that –_ I'll call the elevator for you," he offered, taking the box from Sissy. "Be right back," he said to Meredith with a smile.

"Go ahead, I'll get my stuff together," Meredith smiled, pulling her coat on and watched them go.

_Derek and Sissy looked at one another – silently checking on each other – something they had gotten used to doing over the course of the week after he spoke with her about finding that work-life balance. She too said she wouldn't take back what happened – that since Meredith had landed in the hospital the month prior she had been struggling with finding her own balance of sorts – for out of nowhere she was beleaguered by grief again, the hospital bringing the hours of that blessed day back to the forefront of her mind again. And after a lifetime of carrying just her love for Daniel with her – not the grief or the heartache, but just the love – it was hard to manage. But even still, she said she wouldn't have changed a thing about that night, not one stifled sob of it, because it confirmed two ideals for her: Derek was a good man and love didn't die. _

"How are you? Charles?" Derek asked softly as they came to stand at the elevator.

"We are fine – _we are Derek_ – and you … you're a good man," Sissy murmured with a smile. "She's happy," she reflected softly, nodding toward Meredith.

"I think so too," he smiled, pressing his lips together. The elevator chimed. Derek handed the box to Sissy and she stepped inside. "Say _'hello'_ to Charles," he said sincerely.

"I will, enjoy the weekend," she replied as the doors closed.

Derek turned to find Meredith; she raised her hand for him to stay put. He took the signal and called for another elevator. He watched her walk around the desk, her book bag over her shoulder, her coat on and ready to go. The elevator chimed again, Derek turned back to hold it – _a young student in a bomber jacket toting a large backpack bounded off the elevator_ – his gate swift, his face determined, his eyes exhausted. Derek watched him go, turning around to find Meredith, realizing now that she had stopped in her tracks, midway between her desk and the elevators.

_Meredith's heart raced when she saw the tiger strut off the elevator, she stopped short and watched breathlessly as the tigress sat in her seat where she had waited and waited for him to come – she smiled broadly now, watching her blue eyes become lighter and lighter and even lighter still – small tears popping free as her man, her lover knelt in front of her and apologized._

"_I'm sorry I was an ass,"_ the burly tiger sighed, his eyes scanning hers, her hands flanking his skull already.

"_I love you anyway,"_ sniffled the tigress; a week's worth of withheld tears cascading down her face now as he leaned forward and kissed her perfect rosy lips.

Holding the elevator, Derek watched the scene unfold in front of him _– unable to take his eyes off of Meredith as her face contorted with a full range of emotions _– real and true emotions for this couple she'd never met before. It was like she was gazing at her beloved Renoir – _it was a look of adoration and love and ever-present longing_ – he saw her happiness and hope and relief for these perfect strangers and in that moment he swore – _he fell more deeply in love with her_ – it was true, a sure as winter turned to spring, there was no turning back.

_Meredith smiled from ear to ear now as she began to walk toward Derek. A surge of energy coursed through her, she felt empowered now as she met his unwavering gaze. Her heart began to race faster and faster still while her feet carried her just as fast, if not faster … toward her fate and left her 'library couple' to their reunion, turning her back on them and the dream of what they were or would be … for something better now. _

_She reached Derek, her smile still broad, her skin pricked with yearning heat as she took his hand and pulled him into the elevator with her. The doors closed and she stared at him – this man, the __only__ man her heart ever pounded for – she blinked and pulled the red stop button. Taking a deep breath, she stepped closer – all she could hear was the erratic beat of her heart as she stood still for a suspended moment in time – daring herself now to say something … anything. _

"I wanted it to be a date!" she blurted out breathlessly. The air was damp and warm, her hair stuck to the back of her neck. Derek cocked his head and came to stand in front of her. "I … I'm ready, for whatever this is …," she sighed, pressing her hand over his heart through his wool coat, _boom-boom, boom-boom._

"Meredith?" he prompted, removing her book bag from her shoulder, suddenly finding his own treasure in her bright green eyes – _for she had a secret, her own locket of emotions_ – on the verge of cracking open now while he watched in awe.

"Last week, dinner – _I wanted it to be a date_ – but I was scared to admit it and now …," her voice trailed off, his gaze so intense she couldn't speak; she was lost, transfixed, gone.

"And now …," he prompted, stepping even closer, hot tufts of her breath banged against his neck, her wild green eyes bore into his.

"Now, the seasons have changed …. I don't know …," she sighed, losing herself in the deep ocean of his eyes. She sighed, her heart raging on and on. "Now I just know I don't want us to be like them, my _'library couple'_ – _how they were for a week or even another day_ – life's too short Derek … with Floret and Claire and all the hope … I'm ready … I just want …," her voice was lost, she was speechless – _'I just want you ... us … this thing' – _she finished silently.

"So what are you saying?" he teased with a chuckle, cupping her face with his hands, drawing her near.

"I'm not _saying_ anything," she retorted playfully going weak in her knees, peeking up, his eyes glued on hers as he ducked his head down, even closer still.

_And with their eyes engaged, both parties were held captive – suddenly unable and unwilling to look or turn away from one another – and quite on their own recognizance too. A small gasp fell from Meredith's lips as Derek pulled her even closer still, their fishing line slackened, pooling at their feet now as time truly stopped – they swayed in each other's arms, steadying one another, lulling, rocking – eyes locked while the world all around them ceased to exist._

_The air was hot and warm and humid and veiled with passionate haze – Derek's eyes darted down to Meredith's lips – her heart shaped mouth open for him in a small, perfectly round 'o', all he had to do was seize them … taste them … taste her. But within a millisecond, she heaved a deep breath and tipped her head up and pressed her soft lips to his – slowly massaging his nerves with hers – skin on skin contact, her hands found the base of his skull and she held on tight and kissed him senseless, the lower region of her body – gone, gone, gone now – it was a wonder she was still standing at all._

_Derek could feel Meredith's heart banging against his chest as he deepened this inaugural kiss of theirs – this stolen moment of time that belonged solely to them – he moved his tongue along hers and tasted her sweet flesh, making love to her mouth for the first time, relishing in his privilege to take her this way – his heart banged in tandem to hers now – he was breathless, a line of energy coursed through his body, his cock woke up, he pulled her even closer in response to his feral need. Meredith gasped into his mouth, her hot breath ricocheting with no place to go … no space between them now._

_Reluctantly, she pulled away, moving her hands down to his chest– not trusting herself to disengage completely though, she nipped at his flesh – plucking at his lips over and over again, wondering now why she waited so long to taste and feel him. Her heart was on fire, her core stirred, waking up after years of dormancy. _

"What now?" she panted deliriously, her hooded eyes finding his under this wild canopy of energy they created.

"I take you out for dinner," Derek husked, backing her up against the wall, his lips finding hers again, his hands flanking her skull. "The date we wanted …," he managed to get out in between pulses.

"The date we … wanted," she agreed breathlessly as she kissed him still – _for now that she had dipped into the well, she was thirsty_ – she couldn't possibly get enough of this new euphoric feeling, she felt lighter than air – _and found herself thanking God his hands were all over her_ – grounding her, pinning her down. "And then …," she husked, before sucking on his tongue.

"I take you home," he answered gruffly, her breathless giggle filled the small, damp space – _a sparkle of mischief set deep inside his eyes_ – fuck, she was gorgeous with her face flushed, her lips swollen from his kisses. He slowly moved his hands down to her trim hips, they swayed together.

"And then …," she prompted, his forehead pressed against hers, his eyes glistening with insane desirous captivity just like the man in the Renoir, her heart raced.

"I kiss you …," he husked, doing just that quickly, nipping at her sweet flesh. "I kiss you goodnight … all night long," he added, moving his hands around to the small of her back, he brought her closer … chest to chest … eye to eye … right where he wanted her.

"And then …," she squeaked out as his fingers grazed her flesh just under the hem of her sweater, her hips bucking slightly from his touch, a reflexive shiver ripping up her spine.

_Keeping her eyes locked on Derek's, she quietly snaked her hand out and pushed the stop button and in some part, by doing so … she made this all real. The elevator dipped and then started to descend – she held on tight and never wanted to let go – keeping him there in the moment with her. _

"I ask you for another date in the morning," he answered with a wry grin before he kissed her again.

His capable arms around her now, his hold on her – _oral or otherwise never disengaging_ – as he leaned down and flung her bag over his shoulder, his eyes still affixed to hers as their secrets were unlocked – _they laced their fingers together_ – silently grounded themselves as the elevator dipped lower and lower and finally came to a halt.

The door chimed and opened, signaling the start to their new beginning – _a gust of fresh cold air infiltrated their hot, steamy enclave _– as they stepped out into the world and onto the precipice of this thing they were about to embark upon, this thing that was so uniquely _'them'_ that it had to be fate … destiny …. kismet.

And so out they went – _passing through the small congregant of students who waited there_ – hand fused to hand, hearts beating in tandem, euphoric bliss still encapsulating them now as they walked out and into the damp drizzle of a spring night surely neither one would ever forget.

**Chapter 12 to follow.**


	14. Chapter 12, Tickle Me Pink, Part 1 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Thanks for putting up with the delay on this story, I promise it will be worth your while and I'm still very excited to share it with you. Just have patience with the frequency of the updates and please let me know how you feel about this story!**

**Chapter 12 –**** Tickle Me Pink**** – Part 1 of 2**

Derek took a deep breath of the sweet flowery air – _still familiar, yet fresh and clean and organic like spring bulbs blooming_ – he inhaled another breath, earth, salt still there … but there was an additive now, one that belonged there too… it was Meredith.

He smiled and stilled his heart, focusing now on her breathing, another facet of _'living'_ together that he'd quickly grown accustomed to and therein the very essence of this woman who had captivated him so had indeed become part of his natural landscape as if it were her fate or destiny to do so. No, no longer did he feel lonely … no longer was he searching for what had been missing in his life.

"_Love doesn't die."_

Her voice, her simple blunt mantra floated through the sleepy haze of his mind again now. He was rested. He had found clarity and in the most unexpected place: _Meredith Grey's deep and faceted and soul-filled gateways._ He shifted, moving closer to this woman, his missing piece – _everything seemingly in place now – _his core so beautifully and naturally aligned. He sighed somewhere deep inside and waited patiently, focusing again on her breathing … her presence … her peace of mind coaxing him to that unknown place … that place of unexpected alignment.

And only then would it come, within those quiet moments when he secretly let everything go and basked in her energy – _and then it would come, this lasso she expertly threw around him_ – this intense gravitational pull he still didn't understand, but also didn't care to investigate … for he only cared that it was still there and that he wanted more of it.

_More … that was the only word to describe what he needed. He wanted more … of this … of her … of their potential … he wanted 'everything'. More. _

With more of Meredith on his mind, Derek finally opened his eyes to find her – _to make sure of her_ – he melted inside, she was at peace; very much how he left her last night – _after that last happy kiss, good night_ – when at last he finally trusted himself enough to close his eyes and rest, assured that she would be there when he awoke.

And so he watched over her now, her chest moved slowly – _up and down, rise and fall_ – she was laying on her back, full of trust, a forearm over her eyes – _only her beautiful pink cheeks and perfectly pouty lips visible_ – her honey blonde tresses still wild from sleep and their games of teasing passion and exploration the previous night.

His heart went nuts, he moved closer to her heat still, _more, more_ … he wanted more, but he didn't want to wake her and for the fist time since he moved out to Seattle, he didn't feel the need to slip from bed at dawn and walk out to clear his mind.

_So he stilled his heart instead and rested his head on his forearm, moving his free hand under his pillow, his eyes dropping shut of their own accord … he was at peace … and he too, would sleep in._

And therein, the velvet underground of sleep quickly claimed him – _her heard her voice float through his mind, she had said it, 'love doesn't die_ – the soft timbre, innately hers, the simple husk of her words, the serious glint to her emerald eyes … all still there, indelible impressions set deep within his mind's eye. He relaxed further into her radiant heat then, the gravitational pull still there like tether while he sank deeper and deeper into bliss, matching the tempo of his breathing with Meredith's … his buoy … his everything.

"_Love doesn't die."_

The intensity of her words and her voice grew exponentially now, for she had said it and only then did it finally hit him – _he shifted, instinctively moving closer to her heat, his eyes still closed_ – she had said it … and then he smiled inside, because he realized in that moment that they really did have a chance to survive this thing between them. For if she believed that love didn't die, then somewhere deep inside she must believe in love. And in that belief, despite certain innate misgivings she might have on the sustainability of relationships – _Meredith Grey believed in love, the kind of love Derek had given up on, the everlasting kind, the kind he wanted to believe in again _– and like she said last night in the elevator … she wanted this, whatever _this_ was … she wanted it with him.

Having put those final missing pieces together, Derek's mind effortlessly wandered to their magical evening last night – _deeper and deeper he went, allowing himself to rest his weary mind_ – for he had indeed found clarity, he found Meredith … and she found him.

###

_Having already showered at the hospital, Derek presently waited for Meredith, pulling clean shirt over his head before he crossed the trailer to his briefcase hell bent on keeping his mind busy while she took a shower – retrieving the mail, he smiled when he set the stack down and spied her easel calendar perched on the counter – reaching for it, he flipped to June and let his eyes rest on her beloved Renoir and there again he saw some version of himself, the way the man was so captivated by his lover in the painting, it was how he felt most of the time when he was looking at Meredith._

_A thrill of anticipation ripped up his spine – the shower came to life, another reminder that he was not alone – he felt the ghost of her lips on his neck, he smiled at the recent memory and flipped the calendar back to its original position._

_Darting his eyes away from the dream of the Renoir – he spied the latest envelope from Netflix – having someone to blow through those movies with would certainly make the arduous task more enjoyable. He broke the seal; the titles of the latest masterpieces stared back at him – "__The African Queen", "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" – he ran his fingertips along the title of the 80's blockbuster adventure film; stock images of Harrison Ford donned in that famous hat crowded his mind while he thought back now and tried to remember how romantic that movie might have been, full well knowing that the other two films bore no relation to the type of mood he wanted to set for the evening ahead with Meredith._

_His eyes fell on her calendar once again – he slipped the discs back in the envelope and moved the easel forward to a place of more prominent display – certainly she'd want to mark the day off, though the night was still young … very young. Derek's heart raced at the prospect and for a split-second he wanted nothing more than to stop time … nothing more than to pick up where they left off just a while ago and enjoy the quiet solitude (of laughing, kissing, and exploring) with Meredith. _

_The shower died down and a satisfied smile eased along his handsome face … for he just couldn't help it. He heard the shower curtain move along the rod, the rings catching near the end like they always did for him – it was noise, it was life – and suddenly he was reminded yet again of just how many lonely nights he'd spent out here in the middle of nowhere, suffocated by this self-imposed imprisonment, though paradoxically surrounded by peace and quiet and the expansive horizon of forty acres of undeveloped land._

_And inside this moment of reflection, he realized that this place or plane he had created for himself had simply fallen short – because it never did ease his pain – it only served to intensify his status, it only made his head swim until he could barely tread water … for there were just too many failed affairs to remember, too many lovers gone, besieged by the intensity of his giving heart. He met the wrong women, was magnet for them and was always the one left behind, until his hopeful optimism also started to dwindle and he was no longer the man he once was – he was cynical and jaded and he couldn't stand himself – so he left New York and moved to Seattle … to find himself, the man he used to be, the one he actually liked and felt comfortable being … and only when he assumed that persona again did Meredith Grey all but materialize._

_In the end, his mother had been right; for she had said countless times that new love or passion could be found in the most inconspicuous places, of course she'd follow that statement by saying she really didn't think he'd meet someone spending all of his free time at the hospital (avoiding) or out on forty acres of land alone (in self-imposed exile) … but he did, for new love and passion seemed to have their own destinies to fulfill. _

_Derek smiled and shook his head and leaned down to retrieve those pieces of cheesecake they had gotten 'to go' at the bistro earlier where they huddled together against the damp cold, kissing and caressing like teenagers, alone outside, the brick walls of the place housing their energy, somehow keeping them warm at heart – the cheesecake came – but it seemed they had already moved on to dessert, rubbing their cold noses together, they decided to save the sweet treat for later._

_He heard the bathroom door open behind him – a fever-chill ripped up his spine –– he stopped short and closed the mini refrigerator door and stood up, turning around to find Meredith standing just inside the doorway there. _

_He cocked his head to the side and watched her do the same, goading him with her green eyes, both happy and wide awake, twinkling like mad against the dim light, her golden tresses, though darker when damp, still framed her angelic face perfectly, accentuating her cheeks, tickled pink from the heat and humidity of her shower – her simple beauty stunned him – and therein he was rendered powerless. He smiled weakly from his same spot, giving himself a moment to digest just how sexy she looked brushing her teeth wearing nothing more than a pair of yoga pants and that ratty t-shirt she loved … it was all so domestic and perfect, she shifted on her feet; her shoulder popped free from her neckline and he was a goner._

"_Hey," he said softly from his same spot._

"_Hey," she replied with a mouthful of toothpaste, she grinned; she was adorable._

_She stood there for a second longer before she winked and turned back into the bathroom, disappearing from sight. Derek heard the water come to life and without thinking he crossed the room and slipped into the tiny room behind her. Meredith smiled at him through the mirror and he leaned forward, stepping closer, his eyes engaged with hers still as he pressed a tiny wet impressionable kiss to the damp flesh of her neck, moving his lips down to her exposed shoulder where he pulsed, once, twice._

_He felt the aftershock of her response – her raised shoulder, the heat of her back as she leaned into him, the small guttural moan that escaped her lips – she smiled and so did he as he grabbed his toothbrush and applied some paste. She turned the faucet on for him and he ran his toothbrush under the cold water before he began to brush his teeth. And it was there that they stayed – a small moment in time when it was just the two of them completing this seemingly menial task – perfectly at ease with one another, moving succinctly within the small space … sharing the sink and the hand towel along with quiet looks of lust and longing, skin to skin, shoulder to shoulder, chest to back until they were finished._

_Meredith took the hand towel from Derek and he watched as she began to fold it absentmindedly, her hands shaking ever so slightly as she worked, she sighed, her breath shaking too – and it was in that moment that Derek fell for her just a little more then he already had, perhaps the time alone in the shower gave her a moment to stop and think – although he also knew that her time alone hadn't changed this thing between them, he knew that and so did she. _

_And years later he still wouldn't know precisely what caused to do what he did next … _

… _for she was nervous …_

… _and he didn't want her to be nervous … _

… _he just wanted her …_

… _more of her and this insane way she seemed to captivate him._

_Maybe it was the sticky heat inside that bathroom or her sweet floral essence or just the intensity of their proximity, but in that moment, as nervous as Meredith was, she somehow became sexy as all hell in Derek's eyes. She became a woman to him – a woman with more than just intellectual and emotional prowess – she became a woman, with her shoulder cap shining in the dim light and the swell of her pert breasts beneath her old t-shirt – she became a woman he wanted … and so he took her body in his hands and spun her around to face him, a tiny gasp of surprise falling from her lips as he did. _

_The air was thick all of a sudden, so thick they could have been back inside that elevator – but they weren't, they were somewhere else entirely – her faceted eyes flicked to his as he swiftly drew her near with one arm around the small of her back. Hot tufts of their breath ricocheted with no place to go, he moved hands up to her face, flanking her cheeks, making her look at him – he smiled and got lost within the depths of her eyes – he pressed his forehead to hers and felt her whole body tremble, he brought her closer and even closer still, her hands found his hipbones where they stayed. _

"_Come with me," he whispered into her ear, the damp heat of her mouth raging against his shoulder blade, his plea hanging in the air, suspended like some kind of wordless catcall. _

"_Derek," she breathed his name. _

_His eyes found hers again and he ducked down, his lips lingering less than a millimeter away from hers – and there he waited – waited for her to seize him, because he knew, as scared or nervous as she might be … she wanted him too, she wanted this thing … whatever this thing between them was, she wanted it. And so he waited, his own breathing stacked against him now as time moved forward and the clocked ticked – one, two, three – before she moved that fraction of an inch and gave him the signal … the sign he had been waiting for: her minty lips against his. _

_Their kiss took on a life of its own almost immediately – his core waking up, his cock twitching like a line of ignited gunpowder – no hindrances now, no public to be mindful of, no inhibitions, no wondering what the other's intentions were … they kissed and kissed and while their mouths mated instinctually, Derek maneuvered Meredith back and out of the tiny doorway … back and away … back to his bed. _

"_Derek," Meredith breathed, coming up for fresh air as he pulsed his lips over hers, the backs of her knees pressed against the bed. "It's … it's been a long time for me …," she confessed, reminding him now, he felt her chest cavity shake, she gripped his hips. _

"_It has for me too …," he whispered, she knew this of course, but he felt he should remind her too, he wanted her – she wasn't just anyone to him and he knew she needed to hear that – he knew he would need to make that clear. "Come with me … trust me …," he urged her quietly, lacing her long fingers through his as he held the covers back for her. _

"_I do … trust you," she whispered, her words lodged in her throat. "It's me …," she heaved breathlessly, tenderly brushing her lips against his. "It's me … I don't trust," she confessed, her eyes wet. _

_He swallowed hard – staring into her soulful gateways – he cocked his head and watched as she did as he requested and slipped into bed. Smiling down at her, he joined her under the canopy of cool linens, rolling to her heat and she into his like they had done it for years already._

_Derek felt reassured as she laced her legs through his – effortlessly resting her head in the crook of his neck – her free hand on the tie of his pajama bottoms, his cock jumping at her lithe touch. She turned and titled her head up, he ducked down and kissed her again – her head resting on the pillow now – half pinned beneath him as his mouth explored hers freely, dipping his tongue into her already familiar depths, stealing her breath with every pulse of his nerves against hers, with every sweep of his fat and ready tongue … because he was hungry for her, more of her. _

"_Meredith," he sighed, pulling back slightly, his free hand found her hairline before he moved his fingertips along her crown, down to her neck and then to the swell of her breast near her heart. "You're gorgeous," he muttered thickly, because she was – he watched her cheeks turn pink, the pale light only illuminating her apparent embarrassment – he chuckled and raised her chin with his thumb. "You are … so beautiful," he insisted before he bushed her lips with his, he felt her smile under his touch. "What do you need … from me?" he asked hesitantly now, she sucked in a deep breath and pulled him towards her._

"_Nothing … I'm … I want you," she sighed, although her eyes betrayed her confidence and her voice was laden with insecurity, it was slight, the intonation, maybe something an acquaintance would miss, but not him, he knew better, he also knew they wouldn't make love tonight. _

_His mind wandered then, his lips found her neck – where he breathed her in, hesitating once again – but Meredith took action this time and flanked his skull in her hands, she stared at him and raised one of her knees, stealthily shifting herself beneath him. Derek smiled, unable to hide the evidence of his arousal, his cock lengthening at the mere thought of slipping inside her endless depths. Meredith stroked his back, her fingertips dancing under his t-shirt as she did, her lips planted to his neck – by God he wanted her and he knew she wanted him – but that would have to wait, wait until the time was right, his lips found her earlobe where he sucked on her flesh, eliciting a light-hearted giggle from his would-be lover. _

"_Nothing you aren't ready for will happen tonight, you know that right?" he promised into her ear. _

"_I know," she whispered in return. "I trust you, remember?" she pushed back; she found his eyes with hers. _

"_I do … you'll know when the time is right – this is about us – not just me," he kidded, pushing his hard cock against her groin. _

_Her giggle filled the space between them, her eyes became lighter and he felt her relax in his arms and it was the best feeling, for it seemed as though she was at home. And as he stared at her, he watched her eyes grow darker and more serious again, those facets hard at work to keep up with her wild mind. He pressed his lips together and waited for her to talk to him, for her to tell him what she needed to know. _

"_What …," she sighed, her cheeks heating again. "What does this mean … to you?" she finally squeaked out, finding his hand she laced her fingers through his and squeezed, searching his eyes with hers, she held him there in the moment, the reverberation of her question hanging low like a ripe fruit in the small space between them._

_Derek squeezed her hand in return before he smiled and turned his head to the side, watching her majestic eyes dance and sway within the filtered light of the trailer. He took a calming deep breath and dared himself to answer – to tell her how he felt from this small piece of himself he had abandoned long ago – the hopeless romantic, the guy who wanted it all … the dream of everything with someone special. His heart shook, for this could be the end of this thing between them, this could spook her, this woman who believed in the power of love, but not in the power of relationships. _

"_Derek?" she prompted after a minute, she squeezed his hand and leaned up to press a lingering kiss to his neck, he felt her warmth radiate from her body, trapped now under the linens with them, she soothed him without even trying. _

_He sighed heavily, basking in her love-touch. He looked down and shimmied off of her and found her eyes once again. Tilting his head, he moved his fingertips along her hairline, his heart racing on and on and then he realized that he was passed the point of no return; he had to be straight with her because if he wasn't, it would surely be the end before it ever had a chance to begin. _

"_What does this mean to me?" he asked and then he smiled, his mind traveling light years into the future. "Everything," he confessed simply, locking his eyes with hers. "It means everything to me," he persisted, allowing himself to be completely honest with her. _

_Meredith's chest heaved and her eyes opened wide and he thought for a minute that she would run or hide or backpedal … but she didn't. She just shook her head and blinked – fat tears popped from her eyes – and she made no move to wipe them away. Derek bent down and kissed the beautiful planes of her cheeks, tasting her salty tears as he did. _

"_Talk to me," he implored before he kissed her, soft and quick. _

_She took a deep breath and exhaled, her wet eyes locked in his. "I don't trust myself …," she heaved, searching his eyes. "Around you, I just … I want more and I'm scared as hell to want you … but, I do," she sighed, revealing herself to him just a little more now. _

_Derek smiled and held her close, keeping her there, allowing her to come to terms with trying a relationship with him, not just sex … but everything. "I get it Meredith – trust me, I do – but I just –"_

"_Derek … I want this with you," she interrupted with a small smile. "But I don't know … 'everything' just sounds so big," she trembled. "I know what I'm good at … the loner thing," she whispered, he stroked her beautiful cheek. "The no strings sex thing," she sniffled and looked away. _

_Derek's heart pounded, he tilted his head and found her eyes, wet, glistening with the fear of disappointment. "Meredith, look at me please," he requested softly, she turned her head and found him. "I know … this might seem big and it is … but it's just me," he soothed. "It's only me and I need you to know that you could be, if you let yourself, if you trust yourself … you could be … my everything," he mused, his heart on fire, his mind wild with a multitude of reasons why none of this made sense and yet … here he was._

"_Everything," Meredith repeated, Derek watched her try to make sense of it all, knowing it was too soon, but not willing to accept the truth behind it. _

_Her lips found his and all of sudden she was upon him, she was everywhere, rolling on top of him, pinning him beneath her – she plucked at his lips, straddling his abdomen – her puckered nipples cutting across his muscular chest, only two layers of flimsy cotton between them now. Her core was hot; he could feel her ardent heat seeping through her yoga pants. He rolled her again, on top of her now – pulling back to catch her wild green eyes with his – she flicked her gaze to his lips and back to his eyes where they stayed as she wrapped her legs around the small of his back, clasping her feet there, holding him … hostage. _

"_Everything …," Derek repeated tenderly as he rolled to her side again, sucking in a deep breath. "I'm …," his voice drifted off into nothingness –'falling for you', he wanted to say – as he stared at her, quite captivated. He wanted to say more than that actually, but he kissed her instead, trying his best to allay her fears without words, without promises._

_Meredith returned that kiss, her lips on his like wild fire, her hands around his neck, pulling him closer and closer until she paused and brushed her nose against his, her wet eyes softening around the edges, she was alright he decided then, she would be alright. He shook his head and pressed his lips together, a small smile crept along his face then and he felt it plant itself there. He caressed her face and let his eyes roam along her beautiful body. He set his palm over her heart and felt her muscle beat against his hand. _

"_I'm falling for you," he whispered into their heat, bang, bang went her heart as tears cascaded from her eyes. "Hard and fast … and I don't want to tether myself this time, I can't … this is too big," he confessed, his eyes never wavering, her heart banging against his palm still. _

"_You've done that before … held yourself back," Meredith whispered, her voice cracking, her hands flying up to his skull. She stared at him, his hand pressed to her heart, he could tell she was processing the consequences of holding her own feelings back and away from him. _

"_I have … and it doesn't work, not for me … not for anyone, I just … want to be honest with you … and with myself," he sighed reflectively. _

_Meredith's eyes became brighter and dare he say more playful – he watched her cheeks become pink again – she looked like a schoolgirl, innocent, like she had some kind of secret. She leaned up and pressed her heart-shaped lips to his, pulse, pulse, the tip of her tongue sweeping along his now as she deepened their connection, moaning ever so slightly as she did. She shifted her hips, grinding against his pelvic bone now, God she felt so fucking good beneath him._

"_Derek," she sighed breathlessly, her heat was everywhere, it was the air he breathed. She cradled his skull in her hands then and he watched her eyes soften around the edges, staring at him like he was some kind of idol, he felt her heart pound against his palm, bang, bang … she stared right through him. "I'm … falling for you too, I really am … so hard …," she confessed, her voice thick and full of emotion. _

_Tears filled the deep well of his eyes, he let them recede as he stared at her and marveled at her willingness … at her bravery. _

"_Too hard?" he asked softly, bending down, he pressed an even kiss to her waiting lips, kiss, kiss, nip, pluck, suck, kiss, kiss. "Too hard … too fast?" he persisted between electrifying pulses. _

"_No," Meredith protested, pulse, pulse she kissed him long and hard and deep. _

"_No?" Derek prompted, pulse, pulse he too, kissed her long and hard and deep. _

"_Just right," she explained, pushing a breathless giggle into his mouth. _

"_I like just right … I like how it feels," Derek chuckled, his lips moving down from her mouth to her neck where he nipped at her flesh, breathing her in, pulsing his lips, he felt her shiver. _

"_Me too … feels good," she husked, her eyes more playful and relaxed once again. She sighed heavily and caught her breath. _

"_Feels good … how?" he prompted, rubbing his nose with hers, her hot, minty breath slammed into his face, she titled her head up … he kissed her swollen lips._

"_Like I've had too much champagne and my cheeks are all hot and pink … and numb," she giggled into their raw heat._

"_Hmm …," he mused, running his finger along her flushed skin. "They are … pink, you're flushed … tickled," he teased; he kissed each one and then lay his head down on her pillow._

"_You tickled me pink," she mused softly with a twinkle set deep in her eyes, turning her head she rolled into him. _

"_I think I did," he chuckled, his arms around her now. _

_Meredith stifled a yawn, her giggle filling the air as she grew heavy in Derek's arms, he felt her relax and let herself go and only then did he do the same – his heart on fire with anticipation of what was sure to come – for she wanted this thing … and he wanted … well, he wanted to be her everything too. He felt her burrow deeper into his heat where she pressed a chaste kiss to his pulse point on his neck. His lips found the top of her head where he kissed her, breathing her in just as he was meant to, just as if they had fallen asleep together for years and years already._

"_Derek?" she whispered long after he thought she'd fallen asleep. _

"_Yeah," he replied, opening his eyes, his lips still pressed to her head through her tresses. _

_She opened her eyes and craned her neck back to find him and then she smiled brilliantly, her cheeks still pink, her eyes no longer wet or troubled. "Kiss me good night, just like you promised …," she ordered softly, leaning forward to close the small distance between them. _

_And so he did ... all night long._

###

Meredith shifted in her sleep a while later – _his mind still wrapping itself around the intensity of their night, their collective revelations_ – _'love doesn't die',_ it was something to live by … something to hold on to when things got rough and for some reason, maybe because he never met anyone (besides his mother) who believed in such things (as endless love) – _maybe this really was fate and maybe just wasn't destined to find what he was looking for_ – until now.

Opening his eyes he found Meredith right where he left her – _asleep, dreaming in his bed_ – right where he felt she belonged, out here in the middle of nowhere with him. He took another deep breath, morning upon them now, the birds called to one another and he just lay idly back and listened to this new symphony – _Meredith's breathing, the birds calling_ – he was at peace, he still didn't feel the urge to move, to do more than he was right here, right now.

_He didn't want to disturb the balance and so he just waited, his eyes roaming over his would-be lover, God … she was so beautiful as she slept on while the world woke up. _

Rolling onto his back, he craned his neck up and looked through the skylight watching and waiting for the sky to become brighter, for the trailer to become lighter, for the dust particulates as they danced in the silent breezeway that ran through the small space of his enclave. He heard a change in Meredith's breathing, short, shallow breaths now – _she would be awake soon_ – he rolled back to his side stared his muse. Her cheeks still pink, her shoulder cap in plain sight, her hands now pushed under her pillow, her RAM cycle in full swing – _the clock ticked forward, one, two, three _– and then her eyes popped open, arresting him yet again.

"You watching me sleep again?" she teased, her voice sleepy, she wiped her hands over her eyes, her mouth felt dry, she swallowed hard.

"You caught me," he smiled broadly, reaching over, he smoothed her matted hair away from her face. "Did you sleep well?" he asked softly watching the way the morning light cascaded down from the skylight and landed on her like a halo.

"Yes," she smiled and found herself inching closer, her heart lunged forward – _he looked so beautiful in the morning_ – he was still there, she rested her hand along the handsome plane of his cheek. "Aren't you gonna ask me …," she smiled now. "Ask me out again?" she prompted, he smiled under her palm.

"Hmm … I am," he breathed; finally waking up with her – _'she wanted this'_ – was all he could think.

_Meredith inched closer to Derek's heat again, this time daring herself to move into the comfortable fit of the crook of his neck. Derek sighed in the air as she settled herself there; he pressed a lingering kiss to the top of her head. She laced her legs through his and he felt her grow heavy in his arms, her lips on his neck, then down to his clavicle where she pulsed, once, twice before she rested her head again and sighed breathlessly into the morning air, her grasp around his waist becoming even tighter still as she jackknifed her knee, raising it up and over his thighs. Derek ducked down and pressed a small kiss to her exposed shoulder, pulse, pulse – her skin alone was like nothing he'd ever tasted before – he breathed her in, her essence akin to some kind of exotic healing balm. She inhaled sharply and let it all go. _

"What's on your mind?" Derek asked, tempting fate, brushing his lips along her sweet flesh again.

"Hmm, nothing …it's just … I thought I would wake up and …," her voice trailed off – _'and the dream would be over'_ – she almost said.

"Wake up and what …," Derek prompted into the silence, the birds chirped on and on, it was all he could hear now over the raging beat of his heart.

Meredith titled her head up caught a glimpse of Derek's wide eyes as she leaned up on her elbow. She smiled and stared at him for a beat before she continued. "I thought you'd be gone …," she whispered, a reflective smile moved along her face.

"Gone?" he asked incredulously, he shook his head slowly as he looked up at her – _'no, no'_ – there was no way he would be _gone_. "Where would I go exactly?" he wondered aloud.

Meredith giggled. "Not _gone_ … just out …," she whispered with a bright smile, locking her more playful eyes with his. "Just fishing or … taking some space … clearing your head, I mean that's what you do," she smiled softly, watching the alarm and tension ebb from his face until a smile appeared there instead. "I just … I thought I would be walking out to find you on the lake," she soothed, resting her palm on the broad plane of his chest.

Derek heaved a sigh of relief and put his hand over hers, he chuckled breathlessly, captivated by Meredith's intuition, her attention to detail … and her bright clear gateways. "Well … you know, I do … do that, but today I just couldn't make myself move," he smiled and watched her cheeks turn pink, his favorite trick of hers … or was it a trick of his?

"No?" she prompted, leaning down she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"No … no need for clarity today," he smiled thoughtfully, gathering Meredith in his arms as he did.

She settled herself into his heat, her head on his chest, her knee jackknifed again, she pulled him even closer now, _more, more, more._ "How come?" she asked surprised by her own bravado.

Derek smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Because … I can finally see right where I am and I'm right where I want to be," he mused, moving his hand down and through her wild tresses.

"You are …," she stated evenly, hugging him close, letting herself go to feel and enjoy his morning warmth.

"I am," he replied softly, just as relaxed in her embrace as she seemingly was in his.

"And where's that?" she teased softly, an unsolicited breathless giggle escaped from her lips, _who was this woman_, she wondered.

"Waking up with you … right here," he said softly, he took a deep breath; he could hear his heart beating akin to a drum in his ears.

"Right here," she repeated breathlessly, craning her neck up to spy on him. He found her eyes and smiled brilliantly. "Ask me then," she prompted with her own brilliant smile.

"Ask you …," he teased, losing himself in the deep pools of her eyes.

"Yeah …," she sighed, not trusting herself to say more.

_Derek rolled into her heat and pulled her down with him – her giggle filled the small space between them – resting their heads on her pillow again, he ran his thumb along her cheek and then under her chin, titling her head up ... another half and inch and her lips would be on his. She looked away, but he found her eyes anyway and brought her back to the moment. _

"Hi," he whispered, smiling with eyes now before he closed the distance and kissed her, soft and quick.

"Hi," she giggled against his mouth.

_He pulled away only slightly, resting his free hand over her heart, palming the delicate swell of her breast, he inched closer, wrapping her legs up with his, holding her there. He smiled and ducked down before he kissed her again, soft and quick._

"Meredith …," he sighed, her name rolling off of his tongue like beads of rain down a window. "Will you," he breathed and then kissed her. "Go out … with … me … again?" he asked in between a pepper spray of kisses.

"When?" she countered with a smirk before she seized his lips and rolled on top of him, _kiss, kiss, kiss,_ her lips planted on his neck just below his ear now, his hands palming her round derrière, holding her close.

"Now … right now," he husked, moving his hands up her back and through her hair to cradle her skull there in an attempt to see that playful look in her eyes.

"Now's good," Meredith whispered, before seized the moment and kissed him long and hard.

_Losing herself in the feeling of his lips and body against hers now, Meredith finally set herself free – blissful oblivion encapsulating her in no time, kiss, kiss, love, love, she wanted 'everything', she wanted to be his 'everything' – and so shocked as she was at her own string of confessions that her eyes popped open to find his and when she did, she was stunned by the wild, untamed depth she found staring back at her now, so captivated was she that she pulled away just enough to really look at him and then she smiled at what she saw beneath her. _

_For he was content, she had made him happy – she saw now that Derek was indeed alive and well again, that he was not holding back – and there inside this private reflective moment, all alone with her would-be lover, trapped deep within the trenches of his once private enclave … she fell just a little bit harder for him. _

_And with a full heart and an open mind, she watched this man for whom she would eventually become 'everything' to … she watched him now with bated breath as he became captivated by her – wherein the glistening eyes of the man in the Renoir struck her again – as she held Derek hostage now, pushing her knees up in an effort to flank his abdomen with her thighs; she lunged forward and captured his lips with hers in a series of hot, solidifying kisses._

_Kisses that said without words that she too was in this thing – whatever this thing was – she wanted it … with him. _

_And so as she set herself free – on this rare and unexpectedly beautiful April morning – Meredith Grey lost herself for good in Derek Shepherd's capable arms, the two would-be lovers more than captivated by each other – oblivious now to the world all around them as it woke up and chirped and called – for they were consumed by one another and by the force of their own envelopment and that was all the clarity they needed for the moment … yes, for the moment it meant more than 'everything' … to them. _

**Chapter 12 – Tickle Me Pink – Part 2 of 2 to follow.**


	15. Chapter 12, Tickle Me Pink, Part 2 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for the continued interest in this story, your comments and time and words mean so much to me … thanks for giving this story a chance. **

**Chapter 12 – Tickle Me Pink – Part 2 of 2**

Meredith read the first line of her chapter again – _she had been stuck on the same page for too long to quantify now and it was quiet … just too quiet to focus_ – and at this point, she was just fooling herself that she was going to get any work done ... at least today … at least with Derek in the trailer too. Cohabitation, it was a bitch _– especially when there was work to be done, but something far more enticing to actually 'do'_ – namely, Derek Shepherd.

And on that thought, her cheeks heated – _pinker than the pinkest pink_ – she looked up and spied Derek on his bed, her viewpoint from the small dining nook had proved to be more than perfect to sneak quick glances at him (without him knowing of course). She smiled inside and realized this must be how teenage girls felt – _where she skipped this phase when she was young_ – she thought now, that this was the good part, this was … foreplay.

_She closed her textbook, trying that out for size, the contemplation of throwing caution to the wind and actually being that carefree young girl and taking a break from work._

Her eyes were stuck on Derek now _– hours ago he'd been reading a copy of an old book (she couldn't see the title), then he had moved on to one of his epic films_ – laying back in bed, his head propped up against several pillows with a pair of white button headphones on so as not to disturb her. She found herself smiling at the way his dark hair was all wild and wacky and the way his jeans sat on his hips oh so perfectly and the way his old t-shirt had stretched along his muscular chest only serving to accentuate his narrow hips – _he was a vision_ – he could be her _everything_.

She blew out a huff of frustrated air from the depths of her lungs and looked away for a beat – _but it was no use_ – her heart went nuts anyway and she felt a zing move through her body when she focused on him again and her eyes landed on his healing hands, his fingers clasped together, resting low along his taut abdomen. A reflexive smile moved onto her face then – _for those delicate hands saved people, his mind was brilliant and that alone was a mega turn on_ – a phantom touch from those nimble fingertips moved along her the nape of her neck now paired with a whiff of his hot, sinful breath and therein she raised her shoulder and set that zing free where it eventually zeroed in on her core, _zing-zing_.

_She shifted in her seat – near orgasm from just looking at the man – she scoffed inside at her frailty: she needed a distraction from her distraction! _

Cringing now, she focused instead on the handsome intensity she found set along his face, certain now that he wasn't watching _"Raiders of the Lost Ark"_ she mused with a tiny smile. But he _was_ relaxing, which she knew didn't come easily for him and then she smiled even wider because she knew that in some part that had _everything_ to do with her.

He suddenly moved, rolling to his side – _jarring Meredith from her wandering mind_ – she sighed as he hugged his pillow, probably how he had for much of his life, and in that fraction of a moment, the boy he once was had resurfaced. She sighed and put her hand on top of her closed textbook and then she made a tiny bet with herself:

_If Derek closed his eyes, she would let him rest and get some work done – but if he found her staring at him, she would move – she would seize the opportunity to escape from the responsibilities of her academia and go to him._

_And so now she played a game – watching her would-be lover like a hawk – it was akin to 'forget-me-not', another schoolgirl game … would he find her or would he close his eyes – 'find me, find me' – she found herself chanting silently from this small piece of her heart … 'find me Derek'. _

Closing her own eyes for the briefest of moments now – _she took a deep breath and focused, allowing herself to rationalize putting her work on hold for romance and then she wondered all of sudden what her mother might think of her – _and then she rationalized anyway, for it seemed she was hopeless when it came Derek:

_Her research was coming to a close …_

_Her thesis was about ninety percent complete, which was more than she could say for most of her classmates … _

_She needed a week, maybe two and then she could submit, well in advance of the summa cum laude consideration deadline …_

_She would be fine, she decided then, more than fine on all accounts. _

And then there was this realization too: _June was on the horizon; June was almost a reality_.

She opened her eyes on that thought, June seemed so far away in the not so distant past, when at the time, she wanted nothing more than to make a quantum leap into the future – _she wanted to move_ _beyond the homelessness and the cold and the loneliness, she wanted out, she wanted Claire to be safe and sound, she had dreams_ – but now, she almost wanted time to stop (at least out here in the middle of nowhere with Derek) and her dreams, well … they were suddenly taking on a life of their own.

She moved her eyes then, taking in the afternoon shadows and the way they moved, weaving in and out the looming trees outside, ducking into their enclave to put on their show. Bypassing Derek for now, she quickly noted he was still engrossed in the film – _she found her calendar with ease upon its perch on the countertop, its designated place in here _– she needed to mark yesterday off. Yesterday – _yesterday, she sighed deep inside _– a fever-chill ran her up her spine and without thinking, she pressed her fingers against her lips as she recalled their first kiss in that elevator – _the air hot and steamy and private, kiss, kiss, kiss, yesterday was a turning point _– yesterday … yes she could feel his lips on her skin now; she shivered and just like that her mind was on Derek again.

_Her heart raced – her eyes landed on him, this man who dripped of sex appeal without even trying – oh she was fooling herself all right, for this waiting to have sex thing had all but derailed her … it was like she was dog and Derek waved a bone in front of her eyes and then took it away and put on high shelf where all she could do was become heated and pine for that treat! _

_For crying out loud, who was she kidding? She wanted sex! And now that she knew it was imminent, she really wanted it! For her beast had been jarred awake (after many winters of hibernation) and was now hormonally desperate to be fed. She shifted in her seat; her panties felt wet. Wet._

_She held her breath, her eyes trained on Derek once again – for he was her pray and she was a circling hawk – her breathing hitched now, her heart pounded into her ears and she lost sensory control, she lost herself – she was falling for him, in fact she had already careened toward him – for she was hungry, near malnourished again, only this time … all she needed was his touch. _

_She sighed, she felt warm all over, like a teenage girl with a crush. Her cheeks heated, flushed on that quiet admission … she should just go, just slip into bed with him, her heart on a pulley, she shifted in her seat, ready to stand – but then she saw his eyes dip shut – he hugged his pillow even tighter and she knew the game was over … for now._

She smiled and watched him for a moment longer, thinking now they could just rip the Band-Aid off and just do it already. And of course he would be game – _he was a man after all_ – but as much as she wanted him – _and by God, she wanted him_ – she just couldn't make herself move – _she couldn't stand up and move toward the bed to stake her claim _– because after years of sexual dormancy, her intellect just wasn't as free or ready as her libido was … _yet._

And with that tiny admission, she realized that her years of self-imposed celibacy, this safe haven of a place or the plane of existence she had created for herself hadn't done what she thought it would – _she thought it would somehow ground her, somehow taper her and keep her safe _– but it never did. For taking that reckless abandon away from her life didn't really make a damn bit of difference at all and in the end, she simply found that she wasn't sexually charged – _that she didn't 'need' sex_ – well of course she missed it, but she didn't _need _it as part of her arsenal in her plight against loneliness and abandonment.

_Because she really did use it, the recklessness and those endless string of unknown men, they served a more immediate purpose – for they helped her feel connected without forming attachment – it was as simple as that. _

The plain truth of it was – _her mother never wanted her and her father wasn't man enough to stick around_ – and so she just assumed she wasn't made that way … _the relationship way_. And yet she still craved human connectivity (she was only human after all). And therein, Meredith desperately longed to fill that massive void left behind by her parents and after years of self-loathing, she used sex – _a connection she could give and take away of her own will _– and it was liberating to a point, it gave her control over an otherwise out of control hindrance in her life.

But the thing was – _the crux of the problem was _– that as much as she wanted to just throw caution to the wind and let herself believe she wasn't made for anything real with anyone special – _she knew deep down she __was__,_ _because she was driven by love _– and therein she realized that just because she was a nuisance to her mother it didn't change the fact that she still loved her mother… very much.

And once Meredith accepted this unconditional love she had for her mother – _though it was too little too late _– she finally felt grounded; she was at peace. And then by some miracle of it's own making, she took care of her mother and allowed herself to be someone's _'everything'_ because her mother had no one and Meredith knew first hand what that felt like. And so she learned that she loved her mother and realized that she did have the capacity to give of herself in that special way and perhaps even more important was that her love didn't die when her mother did – _and since then and until very recently_ – she had wondered what she might do with that new found capacity to love and love deeply, and now she knew, or at the very least was at the precipice of finding out.

Upon her summation, she shook her head and let her weary mind rest for a moment – _she most definitely needed a distraction from her distractions (those deep-seated thoughts on her mother included now) _– she realized that her capacity to love might be tested more greatly than she ever thought possible, for she was falling for Derek and she could not deny her baggage, this piece of her history that bubbled to the surface as easy as water over a high flame.

_She heaved a sigh, ready for the challenge but so scared to let herself become vulnerable for a man. Her heart sank, the anchor: her father and his absenteeism. _

A shiver ripped up her spine, her cashmere sweater suddenly not enough as she let the faded memories of her father go and brought herself back to the present where she found her fingertips strumming impatiently against the hard cover of her textbook – _she glanced over to Derek, his eyes still closed_ – _'forget me, forget-me-not'_ she sang inside, her eyes lingering on this man who had captured her and for a split-second she thought of joining him in bed and sleeping it off. Except that trying asleep would only afford her the opportunity to second-guess herself (on a myriad of fronts) and for once in her life, she simply wanted to act on impulse (in a good, healthy way).

_She didn't want to vacillate, she wanted to duke it out with her intellect, she wanted to tell her mind that it was okay to want Derek, that is was her fate or destiny to do so. She wanted him; she had fallen for him. She needed to do something. _

She stood abruptly and strode to the counter, her eyes fixated on her calendar for a beat before she ducked down and pulled the fridge open – _the rubber seal on the door squeaked_ – she looked behind her and eyed Derek, having all but forgotten about his earphones. She turned back to the task at hand, smiling at her prize as she spied the cheesecake, pulled it out and closed the door. She grabbed a fork and popped the clear plastic container open, smiling when she eyed their sweet treat from their first date – _two pieces of cheesecake, a mocha-mint for her and a traditional piece for him _– she took a good-sized bite of hers, not bothering to grab a plate as memories from their date flooded her mind as the cheesecake filled her mouth.

She sighed and let her taste buds relish in the perfect balance of strong bitter chocolate with a delicate lace of mint, it was divine and quite possibly the best thing she had tasted in years. She sighed and took another bite and eyed her calendar, taking a pen, she struck through yesterday … one day closer to graduation – _and with that thought, she had another ceremonious bite, enjoying the perfect sensation of everything she loved about the dessert; 'one day closer'_ – she repeated silently and before she knew it, her eyes were wet.

Her emotions were made from a bit of everything now, the bad and the good – _it was just that the dessert tasted __so__ good, it was __so__ real _– more tears came and she lost sight of that last bite and lay the fork down. Her heart trembled weakly and she stifled a sob from somewhere deep inside, because sometimes, every once in a while, the tumult of her not-so-distant past caught up with her and she realized there again from whence she came.

_From nothing. _

_From homelessness._

_From loneliness._

Fat tears rolled down her cheeks and Meredith had but one thing on her mind: _she was blessed._ Her eyes darted to her calendar, yes she could flip back and look at those days she had so carefully and willfully lived through to strike off _– she could, but what would be the point_ – for she had already survived those days and then she might feel compelled to look even further back and looking too far back would be tantamount to reliving those days of loneliness, those months and years of survival … her childhood. No … she couldn't look back, because all of that life experience left her right here, right now and as she presently was: _almost happy, almost fulfilled. _

_Almost a doctor._

_Almost a lover. _

_Almost Derek's 'everything'. _

She wiped her tears away with her fingers – _almost someone's 'everything' again and this time it would be all right –_ she sighed, picked up the fork and took the last bite of her cake, now a bittersweet reminder. For it was true, she had turned the corner – _and time was still moving on, she was still moving far and away from her troubled past, she was evolving _– but the big difference now was that she wasn't _running_ away. Because she had no reason and because she could finally breathe, really truly breathe and see – _she could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, she could almost see June _– and therein it would seem that Derek wasn't the only one who had found clarity.

Things in her life were almost aligned, the police were on to Claire's trail (she had faith they would find the missing girl soon) – _Claire's alive and the weather had changed from winter to spring, Claire who was so smart to leave her scarf, 'Claire's alive'_ – was all she could chant and June … the warmth of June was right around the corner, it was almost within reach, just like the girl.

_Meredith closed her eyes and said a small prayer for the girl – 'please, please, please' – she whispered from her private place deep inside, this small place she never spoke from, this small place she used to pray from when she was a child, the place of her heart that longed for her father to return and find her – 'please, please, please' – so lost she was already, so lost within that vast landscape of loneliness, for it only took one small foray into the space to lose herself within those old hopes and dreams. _

_So lost was she now that she barely flinched as the warm, familiar embrace encapsulated her from behind. So soothed was she now that she leaned back and into that that warmth as if it were the most natural thing for her to do. She swallowed hard and opened her eyes, wide awake now within an aura of peace, devoid loneliness, for this energy she allowed herself to bask in was Derek's._

"Hmm, cheesecake, how come you didn't wake me …," he muttered playfully, dropping a kiss to her neck and then to her shoulder, breathing her in as he did.

He felt her shiver before she instinctually turned in his arms and looked up to find him – _he smiled now despite the storm raging inside of her green eyes, the water there choppy, turbulent, for he could tell she'd been crying _– for there was no secrets lost on him at this point. He didn't say anything and of course he didn't have to – _he just drew her near and held on tight, smiling, he ducked down to kiss her sweet lips – pulse, pulse_, she tasted of dark chocolate and mint. He pulled back when he felt her succumb to him –_ the tension ebbed from her core_ – a soft moan of appreciation falling from her lips.

"You saved the last piece for me," he teased against her open mouth, trying his best to ease her weary mind.

Meredith handed him her fork with a sidelong glance, her own smirk in tow now. "Well, it is _your_ piece … it was only fair," she giggled, meeting the tranquility set inside his azure blue eyes – _so clear, so blue, so calm_ – she had no choice but to allow the last of her angst to fall away. "It's good cake," she surmised with a smile as she turned out of his arms.

Derek took a bite of the rich dessert. It was very good; not his favorite, but it tasted good and decadent. He eyed Meredith carefully now after taking another bite – _for he knew something was bothering her, he also knew the sexual tension between them was driving her mad or would soon drive her over the edge _– and in truth, he wanted to take her over the edge, but he also so desperately wanted her to be clear in her mind and free in her heart so she could let go of all the more wasted intimate moments in her life … _and be with him_. Her face was pensive and his curiosity was too great to just leave her be.

"You seem …," he tried after a minute, for he couldn't read her and certainly didn't dare put words into her mouth – _so he left his inquiry there_ – suspended between them with no place to go.

"Distracted," she offered with a tiny sigh.

_Turning slightly, she found him through her lashes, once again looking up and into his eyes, for she had nothing to hide, but didn't quite know how to articulate all that was going through her mind. So she went for elusive simplicity instead and hoped he wouldn't push too hard. _

"A bit yeah … is there something I could do?" he asked with a tiny smirk, the one he saved just for her. He took another bite of the cheesecake.

_Meredith's giggle filled the air as she sighed and cocked her head, her sidelong glance met his and then she smiled – 'you've done enough' – was what she wanted to say and said as much without words and therein her cheeks turned pink and she rolled her eyes. _

Derek smirked and took another bite of the cheesecake. He meant what he said of course and he also knew that sometimes the uniqueness of their _thing _together got to Meredith, their apparent age difference, their stations in life – _but for him, he didn't mind debating about her thesis or anything for that matter _– in fact he adored her brain and how it worked, for she had a knack for the gray area (no pun intended), where he did not. For he was about the black and white of the world and in some ways this idea of meeting in the middle was what made them tick – _they pushed without pushing too hard_ – each very adept at learning the other's limitations but also unwilling to simply accept those limitations without gently demanding more from one another.

"So … what's on your mind," he persisted after a minute of comfortable silence.

"'_Forget me, forget-me-not'_," Meredith muttered without thinking, a natural blush found her cheeks.

"Okay then…," he with a chuckle, his curiosity peaked.

Meredith felt her cheeks rise to a boiling point; she took a deep breath and shook her head. "The game, you know …," she offered, her mind wild. "It's nothing … you were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you," she dismissed with a ramble.

Derek draped his arm around Meredith's lithe frame; his eyes trained on the cake until he turned back to her. "You could have woken me up, you know," he smiled with sincerity. "Did you finish your work?" he inquired, making sure of her yet again.

"No," she stated evenly with a resigned huff. Derek set his fork down and turned to face her.

"Hmm, well … are you okay?" he asked hesitantly – _his eyes scanning hers_ – unable to avoid running his fingertips along her flushed cheeks near her eyes, he pressed his lips together – _his eyes still scanning hers_ – and in doing so he told her that he knew she had been upset.

"Yeah … I'm fine, just distracted remember," she offered elusively with a weak smile, for they both were well aware she couldn't lie to him.

And so as much as Derek would have wanted to persist _– he let it go for now –_ deciding to lighten the mood instead. "Distracted," he cackled. "By what … do tell," he teased, bumping his hip against hers.

"Oh, I think you have an idea …," Meredith teased right back, a breathless sigh fell from her lips.

"I think I do, I have ideas and plans … plenty of ideas … now," he whispered into her ear, her sweet essence arresting him now; he held her closer.

"Well you're a very bright man … with clarity … so," she mused breathlessly, leaning into his heat, her hipbone pinned to his.

"This is true …," he muttered, his mind and heart wild for a beat until he was struck with an epiphany – _a flash, a pulse of clarity set well into the future, he could take her to the edge, she could find her own clarity, she could set herself free_ – his mind stuck there until he heard his voice. "Hmm, come here," he whispered, folding Meredith into the envelope of his arms.

_The would-be couple sighed – shifting on their feet as they swayed, not quite dancing now – his heart racing, her sultry voice hanging in the thick, damp air as they rocked and lulled each other all the while kissing and caressing, their instinctual touch apparent through their ease and familiarity, their hearts on their sleeves; their souls colliding, mating now just like their mouths. _

"You taste like cheesecake," she muttered against his mouth – _he tasted real and delicious just like her cake did_ – he was real, _so_ real that she acquiesced to his innate power over her. Shameless heat pooled in her panties – _traveling now through her core, zing, zing_ – evidence of her arousal found its way to her cheeks, _heat, heat, heat._

"So do you," he countered, his hands flanking her skull, he took possession of her lips … of their kiss. "So rich and creamy," he husked – _his wicked laugh bouncing between them for a beat before his tongue massaged hers, pulse, pulse_ – damn, she tasted so good.

_Meredith snorted at his lame joke – her kisses matched his tenfold – she stepped deeper into his heat and let him move her head where he wanted it while all she wanted to do was fuck his mouth with hers – their tongues dancing, harmonizing – his deep moans of pleasure vibrating to her pussy, his hands moved down, down, his nimble fingertips grazing her beaded nipples through the soft weave of her cashmere sweater where he left his hand over her heart – bang-bang – her heart gave out and she breathlessly pulled back, panting weakly as Derek smiled and pressed his forehead against hers, his hot breath fanning her face as they stared at one another without blinking. _

"I have an idea … ," he husked, pressing a chaste kiss to her beautifully swollen lips. "Grab your jacket," his stated suddenly – _his eyes surely wild_ – his mind racing a million miles away … already down and away from the trailer … already at the edge.

"My jacket," Meredith repeated, her mind desperate to keep up with her raging heart, her hands pinned to Derek's hips.

"Yeah," he smiled brightly. "I want to show you something … will you come out with me?" he asked before brushing her lips with his, soft and quick. "Think of it as a date," he smirked.

"Well, when you put it that way … okay," she smiled before she kissed him right back.

###

Derek absentmindedly brushed his knuckles against Meredith's – _somehow craving their connection though she was within reach_ – for he had grown attached to her already and despite her propensity to run from relationships – _he felt her could trust her, he felt he had earned her trust_ – but in the end it was his intuition that told him to close his eyes and lean into her gravitational pull … never look back. And to that point, he would listen because Derek Shepherd lived by his instincts and therein he decided to simply move – _move on and forward and down and away from the trailer_ – reflexively reaching for Meredith's hand as he did.

He smiled when he felt her squeeze his hand – _he turned and found her there, illuminated by the bright light coming from the overcast skies above, the trees swaying high above them, the leaves skipping across the wholesome earth beneath their feet_ – the wind howled and changed directions and so did he, navigating by rote down and further away from the clearing, the trailer well behind them now.

Everything was quiet – _all Derek could hear_ was _their collective footsteps alternating with the stacks of their hot breath as they twirled up and into the atmosphere _– he squeezed Meredith's hand in return. She was unusually quiet, he glanced at her side profile, her gorgeous eyes focused on the unfamiliar terrain beneath her feet as she walked – _but_ _her silence didn't unnerve Derek, rather it intrigued him_ – and he constantly found himself wondering what was going on in that vast mind of hers and was curious to know more about what made her tick. _He still wanted more._

"I know this might not be what you had in mind for our date," he mused after a minute.

Meredith chuckled. "Considering my lack of experience, I'll give you a free pass," she chided, keeping eyes fixated on the damp earth at her feet.

_Her grasp on Derek's hand grew tighter, the wind became a degree or two cooler, she looked up and the flow breezed along her pink cheeks effectively cooling her down. She took a staggering deep breath and filled her lungs with the damp, fresh air. This was what she needed – and it wasn't the distraction – it was the time, time alone with Derek, time alone with her thoughts surrounded by nature, it was the connectivity. This is what she needed. _

"It's just up ahead," Derek smiled. "See right down there?" he asked, pointing to his target, the cluster of aged pines.

"I see it," Meredith answered softly.

_Her mind moving – trying desperately to keep up with her eyes as she trained them on the apparent darkness of their destination – the cluster of old trees … this small forest within this vast forest of his forty acres, the trees standing tall and proud, withstanding the tests of time. They were incredible._

"Derek," she prompted, turning her head to his.

"Yeah," he muttered, meeting her gaze, the light in her eyes like nothing he'd seen before.

"It's really beautiful out here," she sighed, her heart squeezing ever so slightly in response to the happy intensity of his eyes.

"Yeah … it is," he whispered as he centered himself, staring at her for a moment longer, not quite sure which _'beauty'_ he was reflecting upon. He watched her cheeks turn pink as she averted her eyes from his scrutiny.

_Meredith swallowed hard and then dared herself to find Derek once again – wondering how he did that – this thing with his eyes that somehow made her melt and blush and become this schoolgirl she had never been before. _

"It's a great date so far," she stated as evenly as possible. "If I forget to tell you later … I'm having a good time," she smiled, her eyes lingering upon his as she made her tiny confession.

Derek chuckled and squeezed her hand. "Come … down this way, come with me," he murmured leading her further down; they were almost to the edge of the cluster now.

The would-be lovers quietly reflected then – _four bright eyes set upon the cluster of trees, nature's symphony strumming in tandem with their beating hearts, the breeze doing its best to cool their smoldering cores _– their sights and minds on the future and beyond now. They were aligned in triplicate: _mind, body and spirit. _

_Derek led Meredith toward the dense tiny forest in the middle of nowhere now. She took a deep breath and stepped under the thick canopy of the aged pines – she sighed, blinking once, then again, adjusting her eyes to the more fragmented light inside the den – where everything was so quiet, so peaceful and so secluded from the rest of the world and even the vast acreage all around them. _

_Trusting herself, she let Derek guide her – quietly focusing on the beat of her renegade heart – their footsteps crackling over the thick layer of fallen pine needles, the looming bows creaked overhead – they were in the thick of it – beating hearts, soaring souls, bated breaths of anticipation. _

_She raised her head, daring herself to take her eyes off of the rugged terrain of the earth as she laced her fingers through Derek's – her breathing hitched, 'watch your step' – she heard him say into the vacuum of silence that had encapsulated her, focusing now on the halo of light just ahead, the quintessential light at the end of the tunnel – she took another deep breath, her lungs heavy with damp air – air so thick she thought she might lose herself, save for that stunning light up ahead. A fever pricked her damp skin, one step and then another, bright, bright and even brighter … taking that last deep breath as she stepped from beneath the canopy of protection and into that bright, white overcast light … their destination. _

_Her eyes scanned the mystical landscape before her now – her heart leapt, for it was endless, limitless and bright green – grass so bright and so naturally fertilized it was as if it had been growing here for centuries. It was endless and limitless and dotted with the perfect amount of natural blush – tiny pink fragrant flowers – popping with color, little clusters swaying with gaiety as the breeze moved them of its own free will. It was like no other place on earth and as she turned to Derek and caught a glimpse of his serenity, she was sure she fell a little harder for him. _

Derek pulled Meredith by her hand, taking in her beauty as she had the same heart-stopping moment he did when he first found this place. He navigated her down and away from the cluster, closer to the edge of the cliff – _her hair whipping wildly in the wind, her cheeks beautifully blushed, her eyes so wide he was sure she was scared to blink for fear she might miss something_ – he moved his thumb on top of her hand, his simple touch enough to pull her back to him.

He smiled when she found him again and therein he knew that clarity was hers. She smiled in return and released his hand to take a courageous step forward without him. Derek opened his backpack and pulled out the black wool blanket he had surreptitiously packed.

He smiled and pointed. "Here, lets sit down here," he called to her over the wind.

Meredith followed his lead and grabbed a hold of one end of the blanket and much like a parachute; the middle billowed up between them as they lowered it to the ground, kneeling together to keep it down. Derek put his backpack down and the couple sat together facing the endless, cloudy sky, surrounded by tall blades of bright green grass – _the small, sleepy town below the only sign of modern life _– the drop off of the cliff only a few feet away. Neither party said a word for a time, for no words were necessary – _each lost within their own reverie_ – shoulder to shoulder, fingertip to fingertip, they let their minds wander, fully propelled into the future and beyond by the limitless beauty surrounding them now.

Meredith shook her head in wonder. "So is this why you bought this land?" she whispered into the wind, full well knowing that her answer would have been _'yes'_.

"Hmm, no actually," he mused, leaning back on the heels of his hands, alignment and clarity foremost on his mind now. "It's funny … I had been all over this land – _you know I know the topography like the back of my hand_ – but for some reason I never came down here, I'm thinking now it was the cliff – _the drop off, it seemed so finite –_ so I thought, _'what's the point'_ … but then …," he sighed, reflecting now on everything in his life that had seemed that way … at the time.

"And then …," Meredith prompted before she lay back on the blanket and closed her eyes against the bright white light, content to just listen to Derek for now.

Derek was deeply focused on the landscape in front of him – _thinking back to that day a few weeks ago when everything seemed to fall into place_ – it was right after Meredith had come to live with him and things started to gel and make sense and the world didn't feel as big or disjointed anymore, especially his world out here all alone.

"And then ...," he sighed, his heart racing slightly now. "A few weeks ago, I walked out and decided to come down here … I wanted to see the end or something – _I knew I was on the precipice of something big in my life_ – and then this place kind of just materialized," he sighed breathlessly.

"Out of nowhere," Meredith added absentmindedly; her own voice pulling her from the lull Derek had suffused her within.

Derek turned to Meredith, startled to see her now as she lay supine on the wool blanket – _so trusting, her golden locks framing her head like a halo, her clear, green eyes closed_ – she looked like an angel. Derek leaned down rested his head on his elbow where she instinctively rolled into his heat. She put her hand up to her face in the form of a makeshift visor and therein she found him, squinting as she did against the bright light above them.

"Hmm, out of nowhere," he whispered before he ducked down and pressed his cool lips to hers, pulsing over her nerves, _once, twice_. "Kind of like you," he mused against her mouth, drawing her near.

"Derek," she giggled breathlessly against his open mouth.

"It's true," he insisted, kissing her again, his free hand moving through her wind-swept tresses. He pulled back and smiled. "Call it a clean slate … call it clarity … whatever it is, I had been looking for it out here for a long time," he smiled and pressed his lips together. "And then suddenly I found exactly what I needed all along," he whispered into her ear.

_Meredith moved her hand up to the nape of Derek's neck and pulled him closer, wasting no time before she seized his cold, sweet lips with hers, breathing through her nose as she did – the fresh air still heavy and damp and fragrant with those wild pink flowers, as pink as her cheeks – and as she heaved a deep breath, she forced herself to stay nestled deep inside this moment._

_This moment of alignment with her back pressed against the cold, damp earth, pinned beneath this man who had effortlessly captivated her from the moment she opened her eyes and 'met' him. Yes, it was here that she stayed and focused intensely on him whereas he reflected to her everything that she also felt, for she had found clarity and so had he and in that moment they became their own clean slate to one another – a blank painter's palate – their own possibilities as endless and limitless as a blank canvas would have been for the famous Renoir._

"You _really_ can see more clearly," she whispered into their damp, sweet air, her eyes searching his.

Derek pushed his nose against Meredith's and smiled. "I can … I can see everything now," he mused with a twinkle set deep within his eyes before he kissed her senseless.

###

The trailer door slammed shut against the squall of stormy weather outside – _their breathless sighs and fits of giggles suddenly all they could hear over the sudden onslaught of the downpour they found themselves surrounded by just moments ago _– the trailer hummed like vacuum, intense rain pelting down against the roof in sheets. Derek moved swiftly about the small space now, leaving a trail of water in his wake – _he ducked into the bathroom, turned the shower on and emerged with a fresh towel for Meredith_ – he handed it to her as he came to stand in front of her, a towel draped over his shoulders. He smiled.

_Meredith stared at the wild reflection she found within eyes – breathless and panting still, 'breathe, breathe, breathe' – her heart raged on and on, her leg muscles like Jell-O now, she couldn't move if she tried. She watched Derek peel his outer shell off, then he moved to slip his shoes off, but she stood there still, her heart beating so fast … so fast. _

_For a mere fifteen minutes prior they had been pulled from one another by the storm (quite possibly of their own making) as their make-out session on the bluff seemed to have tipped the earth on its axis – at least that was what it felt like to them – it felt like some kind of alternate universe wherein they were transported back in time to a plane of existence purely governed by out of control hormonal surges … storms … storms of their own making. _

_Which left them here – she shifted on her feet, watching Derek with a keen eye, naked from the waist up, he turned the electric kettle on, her shoe squeaked within the pool of cold water at her feet – and he turned to find her, cocking his head, perhaps surprised to find her still there. She was deluged with water – her pores, her lungs, her clothing – she was weighted down akin to a ship that had dropped anchor … she wasn't going anywhere … she was here, she was in this for good. _

Derek stared at her for a split-second before he crossed the room. He smiled; she was a mess. "I put the shower on for you," he whispered, pulling the towel from her shoulders. "You need to warm up," he said, unzipping her jacket, he peeled it from her shoulders; he let it fall to the ground. She smiled as his fingertips danced under the hem of her cashmere sweater; she wordlessly raised her arms in the air. Derek chuckled as he wrestled with delicate wet garment and pulled her free. "God, you're beautiful," he muttered, his eyes roaming over her naked breasts. Meredith blushed, locking her eyes with his – _she took his hand and pressed it over her breast, her raised nipple cold to the touch, her heart beating wildly against his palm_ – the dual assault too much to bear. "Your lips are blue," he husked before he kissed her, his core on fire, his heart beating in tandem with hers now, he backed her up, moving toward the bathroom. "The water's nice and hot … you need to warm up," he sighed against her mouth.

_Meredith felt weightless, yet heavy and waterlogged at the same time. She stalled in the doorway – her lips and tongue still mating with Derek's as she held on tight, she didn't want to let go, just the feeling of his damp flesh against hers made her want more, she was soaking wet, soaking wet in all the right places … and she wanted more, she couldn't move, but she wanted more of him – she smirked, her throaty giggle ricocheted between them, slam, slam, slam – her shoes squeaked again, she heard the water in the kettle come to a boil – boil, boil, boil, pop, pop – the spell was broken, her heart raced on and on, but she could only lean in and smile. _

"What?" he husked, stepping forward, he spied a bead of water about to fall from one of her loose tendrils – _it fell and he watched it trickle in a direct line from the top of her breast to her perfectly round and ripe nipple_ – his mouth watered, he looked up to find her.

He struck her with his wild blue eyes – _she heaved a breathless sigh_ – her cheeks heated under his scrutiny once again. She giggled. "It's just …," she said, pinning her fists to his hips. "I knew I would be a panting, soaking wet mess by the time this date was over," she muttered playfully before planting her open mouth to his, swallowing his chuckle, wherein she pulled him the rest of the way into the bathroom with her.

"Hmm, I like what I do to you," he husked once inside _– the hot, humid air all he could breathe now _– he unbuttoned her fly and slipped his hand against her tush, between her wet jeans and her self-proclaimed soaked panties.

"Me too," she agreed against his mouth, allowing him to have his way with her, his hard bulge pressed against her groin now, her core smoldered with need.

"Go …," he ordered thickly, meeting her hazy gaze as he pulled back. "Shower before it gets cold in there too and I'll make you some tea," he smiled and made to turn out of her arms, but stopped short when she pulled him back_, _twisting his wrist. He turned around to find her, still breathless and panting.

"Come in with me," she blurted out in a harsh whisper, the desperation in her voice jarring her awake, for she was still unable to move without him.

"With you?" he asked, a curve of a smile forming along his lips as he moved toward her without thinking – _pull, pull, pull went her gravitational hold on him _– their sexual tension so taut now it could have easily been cut with a dull butter knife.

"Come in with me …," she whispered, drawing him near with her prowess. She cracked a smile of her own. "We'll break the ice or whatever," she murmured, her hard nipples cutting against his chiseled chest; a zing pinched her clit and heat pooled in her already wet panties. "I found just what I needed too, you know," she sighed as she dared herself to unbutton the fly of his jeans.

_The soon-to-be lovers were lost in a flurry of movement then, Derek kicked the door shut and the outside world outside the tiny bathroom truly fell away – the pair working in tandem now to rid each other of any and all remaining clothing – wet garments stuck to the floor and they simply stepped aside before Derek knelt down to help Meredith with her shoes, from there they stumbled into the hot spray of the shower together … the temperature of the water only raising their already smoldering heat._

"Lets warm you up here," Derek sighed, kissing Meredith's plump lips – _he watched her eyes close and she became heavier in his arms_ – he pulled back and found her blissful smile. Encouraged, he moved his mouth down to her jugular where he pulsed. "And here," he soothed; his hands drawing her near, he cupped her round, perfect tush. She stepped closer, her toes bumping against his as she did. He pulled back and moved his hands up along the supple skin of her sides, tickling her ribs as he went; she opened her more playful eyes. "And here ..," he teased – _massaging her cold nipples with the pads of his thumbs, around and around he went, barely touching her _– her cheeks flourished with new life, her moan of appreciation hung in the air. She leaned into him and tipped her head back and into the spray of water, gracefully acquiescing as she planted her hands on his hips to ground herself. Derek smiled at her gesture – _this silent offering wherein he took a deep staggering breath of what could only have been the sweet essence of her raw sex_ – and with that, he ducked his head down and gently took one of her cold nipples in between his lips. "And here ...," he muttered into her thick heat – _warming her pleasure points up to a slow, easy boil_ – feeling her nerves grow warmer and warmer as he moved his tongue around and around her beautiful swollen flesh. Meredith moaned his name into the thick air, adding yet another element of heat. Her sex wafted up and arrested him – _and in response, he raised his head and moved his lips to her neck where he pulsed_ – breathing her in, taming his wild heart now, for he knew he needed more and he could tell she did too. "God you're gorgeous," he sighed breathlessly, ducking his head down once more to seize her beautiful nipples with his lips, all the while admiring her beauty.

_Lost within unfathomable bliss, Meredith somehow righted herself and made eye contact with Derek, managing to maneuver him so they could switch places. He lathered his dark hair with shampoo and she watched him dip his head back, all the while her eyes were roaming over his naked body – he looked like an artist's muse – he was gorgeous … he easily could be her 'everything'. _

_And though she was present in the moment, she was still stuck somewhere else – her body still numb from the cold outside battled it out with her heat that raged on inside – the dual sensation nothing short of divine. But even still, Meredith knew she wanted more and without thinking she reached out and brushed her thumbs over his trillion nipples before she bent down and closed her mouth around one of them – his flesh grew harder under her touch, he tasted like salt and earth and soap – his lips found her neck where he pulsed, moaning her name, his desire for her apparent, his cock twitched against her abdomen._

_Pulling back, she kissed her way up to his neck with her hands pinned to his hips – she opened her eyes and breathed him in – his sex filled the air, meshing with hers. She spied the liquid soap and still lost within her own porny haze, Meredith reached for the soap and proceeded to pour a good amount on her hands and wasted no time she began to touch her would-be lover. She felt him succumb to her, so she set her mind and hands free and therein she became more self-assured with each passing pulse – her strokes firmer now, more urgent, more confident – so confident that her hands found his cock and she began to stroke him and by God, he felt so fucking good! _

'_God, she felt so fucking good,'_ was all Derek could think as his eyes popped open and he found her, water streaming down his face and over his chest as he stood there and joined his hands with hers – _where he smiled, stroking his rod in tandem with her for a beat_ – only moving his fingers away once they were coated with liquid soap. He cocked his head and watched her work him over for a long minute, taking in the delicate, yet purposeful way she played with him. Fuck, her hands felt so good! So capable … so full of tender need … it was all he could do to look away and begin to massage her beautiful, supple body.

_Meredith was lost, completely turned on by stroking Derek's cock with him – liquid heat pooled in her core – shamelessly slipping beyond her folds now as she pumped, slip, slip. She tightened her hold on the ridge of his sensitive head before she released him again – his hard shaft covered with that velvety soft skin that moved over top of his muscle, hmm, there was nothing quite like a rock hard cock or a man who wasn't afraid to moan for what he wanted – she looked down and watched her hand move up and down along with the soap and bubbles and hot precum – watching him intensely now as his muscle pulsed and twitched inside of her grasp … he was getting close! _

"_Meredith,"_ he called to her from someplace deep inside their bliss. _"Meredith,"_ his warbled passion-filled moan filled her eardrum, his lips were planted to her shoulder, she felt his weight – _she felt his 'everything', her pussy pulsed with need_ – he growled, his sack tightening as she palmed him there, for she was almost his and he was almost hers!

_But suddenly in a flourish of movement, she was pulled from her plight and felt his hand squeeze her wrist – she opened her eyes and found him – but she still needed more. She took her own fiery cue seriously and moved his hand down to her pussy._

"Derek … hmm, you were so close," she whispered, the water suddenly a degree or two cooler, they didn't have much time. "I … I need you … let me … give it to me," she whined, her lips on his, their tongues pulsing, massaging, their hearts beating, both alive and well and completely turned on.

Derek met her gaze – _she was hot, she was gorgeous, her lips and cheeks bright pink again_ – she was healthy and she wanted this thing, whatever this thing was between them … she wanted it. She wanted him, he knew this for sure now as she raised her foot and set it along the small edge of the shower and she opened herself, offering herself to him. Derek kissed her again, swallowing her moan as the back of his hand brushed along her soft hair there. Her nipples puckered, the water began to cool.

He smiled and watched her head loll back – _she swayed in his arms like she'd done this with him for years already_ – he kissed her clavicle and nipped at her sweet flesh with his lips and teeth while he moved his hand a fraction of an inch and swirled his thumb along hooded clit – _she bucked her hips and snaked her hands down to his ass where she pulled him even closer, grinding against him now_ – his cock banged against her groin, pinning him there just next to her ardent heat and his hand.

He swallowed hard – _forcing himself to slow down and kiss his woman, nice and easy, pulse, pulse, he brushed his thumb over her nub of pleasure, pulse, pulse _– his heart banged inside of his chest as his mind wandered and landed on this lone fact: he hadn't intended on slipping beyond her folds, not tonight – _he hadn't intended on this at all_ – but now all he could think about was _'breaking the ice'._

"And I need you too," he sighed after what felt like an eternity, his mind desperate to keep up with his heart now – _a feral need to not squander their first time_ – those first intimate moments he was sure they would share. "But … Meredith look at me," he husked, pinning her down with his eyes. "It's not my turn yet …I … I need you this way first," he whispered, slipping one finger inside her slick, molten channel _– he needed her focused on what he was doing because this was about connectivity, this was about what she had missed out on in her life_ – he didn't want distractions, he needed her to be in this thing with him, beyond the sex and beyond the fulfillment. "Feel me … look at me," he ordered before he pulsed his finger into her depths again – _kissing her swollen lips, connecting _– making love to her mouth and pussy with the same rhythm now. "You're hot, so hot … and tight," he whispered, adding another finger, her muscles clamping down with ownership now.

"It's been so long … feels so good, what you do to me …," she confessed against his mouth, her mind and heart racing to keep up with her ready core – _she needed Derek, she didn't just need sex from him_ – she wanted him and needed him in a way so deep and specific that it could be born out of love or adoration … _almost 'everything'_.

"Feels so good … just let it go … set yourself … free," he ordered, pressing his lips to her neck where he pulsed trying to contain the wild fire between them. "Give it to me …," he sighed, gently pulsing his fingers into her hot, slippery channel.

_And then she did as he asked – she gave it to him, she gave of herself to him of her own free will and right to do so – and not because she longed for human connectivity … but because she longed for him. _

_And within the searing intensity of this solidifying moment, the hormonal surge of her orgasms – the now cold spray of water cleansed her and healed her while she came over and over again, 'mine, mine, mine' her core shouted and she listened – moving closer to her lover's heat as he slipped his fingers free from her hold only to cradle her in his arms and praise her for letting go … for giving herself to him … for trusting him. Her heart simmered down, her lips fused with his now as they breathed together wherein she allowed Derek to become not just her savior … but her almost 'everything'. _

"Come … come to bed," he muttered, pressing his forehead to hers. He turned the water off and everything was quiet, save for her wild pant. "Come with me," he soothed, wrapping a towel over her shoulders.

###

_Minutes later, Derek once again backed Meredith out of the bathroom and this time when they slipped into bed together, there was no hesitation, no question as to their ultimate intentions – the wild, unexpected storm still raged overhead – for it was a slow-moving storm, much like Meredith and Derek's relationship seemed to progress to date. But hesitate they wouldn't – for they would soon be inside the eye of the storm – where everything would be quiet and real and slow and easy. _

_Meredith eased herself into the crook of Derek's neck, her leg jackknifed over his thighs – she rested her head on his naked chest, the back of her t-shirt wet and cold from her hair – she hunkered down under the blankets and let him finally warm her up. Her skin still waterlogged – her pussy deliciously tired from their games, pulse, pulse – she held him tighter and listened to his heart beat in harmony with the storm outside. _

Derek felt Meredith grow tired in his arms – _his eyes dipped shut _– it was early, he'd get up soon and make them something to eat, but for now he realized he truly had exactly what he needed, he had everything. He felt Meredith stir in his arms and he opened his eyes to find her looking at him, her chin pressed over his chest, her eyes bouncing with a youthful exuberance he hadn't seen from her before.

"You're happy," she announced softly, pressing a small kiss to his flesh, _pulse, pulse_, she could barely get enough of him.

"I am," he agreed; moving his hand through her wet hair.

"Me too," she offered –_ her cheeks pink _– his heart pressing against her palm, _beat-beat._

"You're flushed again," he mused, reaching now, he ran his fingertips over her heated skin.

"It's you, what you do to me," she muttered, leaning up to kiss his perfect-fit lips. "I like what you do to me," she sassed, pressing her pussy over his hipbone, sure now that her panties would be wet again in no time.

He chuckled. "So do I," he answered, shifting his weight in an effort to pulse his hips up, grinding against her. She giggled and kissed him fully on the mouth and settled herself back into place.

_And once there, she suddenly felt overrun with fatigue and not all in bad way – just in a way that she had somehow been to the bluff with Derek, she had been on the precipice with him and allowed herself the chance to move forward – and there inside this moment, she once again set herself free. She closed her eyes and let herself go … move on and forward._

_Sleep came easily for her now, for she was so hot and warm and relaxed it was as if she needed a release … and now that it was done, now that she had crossed over that initial obstacle of her own making – she could finally bask in the feeling of connecting – of forging that special relationship that would last longer than just one night – longer than tonight … for tonight was just the beginning. _

Derek flipped the television on and then the DVD player – _"__The African Queen" started right back up where he last left off _– he shook his head, thinking now that he might have an excuse now to give up on Miranda's idea to keep him busy, for it seemed the tide was changing and the storm of his life had taken a new direction, one that wasn't riddled with work and loneliness and misdirection.

His eyes closed of their own accord now and he lost sight of the film and began to fall asleep – _his hands absentmindedly moving up and down Meredith's back_ – he forced his eyes open now and took a good long hard look at her. She was warm, she was healthy and therein he melted– _just watching the innocence of her sleep and the way the lambent light from the television accentuated the natural blush set upon her heart-shaped face_ – her hot breath fanned his chest, he held her even closer.

_Somewhere deep within her recesses, Meredith heard nothing but silence … Derek's heartbeat and silence. She slowed her heart and listened intensely to the quiet – for the eye of the storm was upon them – she opened her eyes and smiled, spying a scene from "The African Queen", Katherine Hepburn at the helm of her ship … moving … going … changing. She took a deep breath and watched the epic film for a beat longer before darkness seized her again, wherein she went willingly with Derek's hands in her hair, his lips pressed to her head – she squeezed him close like a pillow – burrowing deeper into his innate heat._

_Where she felt comfortable the reality of it all – and though it felt like a dream – she knew she would wake up tomorrow and he would still be with her … connecting and moving on with her, for he had found what he needed … and so did she. _

_Her mind went blank, sensory overload consuming her now albeit the early hour – the night was young, the storm raged on, Derek's heartbeat did too – and in most ways, it was just another Saturday evening, except that it happened to culminate with everything she never knew she wanted – for she was sated, and rested, and relaxed and even though she wanted to move on and forward, she couldn't – because finally she was right where she was meant to be … wrapped up in Derek's arms where she could feel just a little bit of 'everything'._

**Chapter 13 to follow.**


	16. Chapter 13, Battleship Grey, Part 1 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: ****Thanks to all who have commented on this story and have given it a chance. Someone told me the other day that this story was a lot like "watching" two people fall in love – I liked that description and it made me smile – so, how does this story make you feel? I would love to hear from you! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 13 – ****Battleship Grey – Part 1 of 2**

_Meredith awoke unhinged – sheer terror and alarm lodged in her heart, her core tense – her mind focusing on the shrill of her cry and the way it hung suspended in the crisp air all around her. Her chest pounded, she reached for Derek, gone, gone … 'just on call', reminded herself … 'just on call' … the terror within ebbing now – she took another deep breath, bringing fresh air into her lungs – 'breathe, breathe' she focused on the reality of the true quiet she found herself within and only then did she let it swallow her whole. _

_The nightmare had been the same – she worked through the facts now – she was cold, lonely, scared, held hostage within the labyrinth of the library at night, those circumstances she had created for herself. For she was still missing and so was Claire. Her heart lurched, her stomach twisted. _

'_Claire' _… Meredith forced her eyes open on the mere thought of the girl – _she blinked her tears back, her eyes adjusting the predawn light, it was 4:46 AM –_ too early to rise on a Saturday morning, especially alone. She smiled weakly and wondered again how Derek might be and then secretly wondered when she would sleep through the night again.

She rolled over, her heart still pounding with alert _– she hugged her pillow, then reached for Derek's too_ – willingly besieged by his essence, breathing in through her nose, she held on tight – _'breathe, breathe, in, in, in, her eyes fixated on the clock as the minute ticked forward_ – she closed her eyelids tight and burrowed deeper, carefully unlocking that small piece of tender, pounding heart now.

Once there, she rolled over and opened her eyes – _she found her reflection in the skylight above_ – the sky still black, she was there framed inside this dark mirror, a fragmented version of herself staring back at her now. She was herself, but she wasn't. Innately a realist though, she stared at herself and made one small admission:

_She missed Derek. _

_It had been a rough week for the new couple – Derek's schedule ramped up with some special cases and they rarely saw one another – which allowed Meredith enough time to focus and submit the final draft of her thesis to her advisor who would in turn read through it and discuss it with her at a meeting scheduled for the following week._

_So naturally when Derek came to the library on Thursday evening, the foreplay-crazed duo __both__ had the same idea on how to celebrate this triumph: sex, sex and more sex! But those plans were derailed by a major collision on the freeways, the unruly thick fog, the culprit. And so it came to be that Derek went back to the hospital and Meredith went home – anticlimactic didn't even begin to describe that unfortunate turn of events – needless to say, she longed for him ever since. _

_She missed him like the air to breathe or food to eat or shelter from the storm – she ached for him, his lips upon her skin – like no other before him, she missed him, she missed his blue eyes, for they were just another facet of her clarity. _

_She missed him and this thing with him, whatever it was, she missed it. _

She smiled, her heart still regulating to a comfortable resting rate – _her eyes wandered, falling on her calendar perched upon the counter _– another day, a brand new day for discovery and for some more than others – _her mind fell on Claire once again _– the detectives were closing the gap, moving in – _hot on the girl's spring green trail of unraveled wool_ – surely hope resided at the end of the line … at the last sign of spring … at the last thread of wool.

_And so with trails of spring green wool on her mind – Meredith closed her eyes to the twinkle of dawn and tethered herself, holding on to the end of that spring green line of hope wherein she let her weary thoughts go – allowing herself to retreat further and further back to sleep … the line of spring green hope engaged with taut energy on which she balanced akin to a tightrope. Her raging heart and wild mind once again mended on the mere of hope. Yes, Meredith had hope. _

_Hope that Claire would be found soon. _

_Hope that Derek would soothe her to sleep again soon. _

_Hope that she would soon find the courage to tell him how much she missed him. _

###

Meredith paced along the makeshift porch, her cell phone still pressed against her ear – _she had missed Derek's call, she hopped in the shower and missed his call and had been pacing ever since_ – her heart racing, the soft timbre of his voice still reverberating through her akin to the beat of a drum now –_'I'm hoping you're okay and sleeping all right' _– he had said, he sounded tired, exhausted but then a smile formed on her face because somehow he sounded energized at the same time. He also said he wouldn't be able to break away from the hospital and that she should call him back and if he could, he would answer.

'_I'm hoping you're okay and sleeping all right',_ came his soft voice again – _if he only knew _– she lowered the phone only to feel it buzz in her hand, the sensation jarring her awake. She popped the device open and smiled: _Sissy._

"Sissy," she breathed with a smile. She craned her neck back and up, squinting into the sky from her spot beneath the looming trees.

"_Meredith … how are you? Any word from Derek?" _came Sissy's singsong voice.

"I am … I'm fine," she answered definitively, stepping inside the trailer. "Derek's still at the hospital though and seems like he will be there tonight too," she sighed, unable to hide the hint of longing from her voice.

"_I don't know how the man does it,"_ Sissy mused.

Meredith was thoughtful for a moment as she crossed the small space and flipped the coffee carafe off. "Nor do I … although growing up with my mother I can kind of understand him – _he's stuck somewhere between his talent and his innate desire to fix and to heal_ – and then there's that infamous surgeons' high to contend with…," she mused, her mother's wildly exuberant eyes on her mind now.

"_I've told him there's more to life and I think he's starting to believe that now,"_ Sissy said pointedly, no longer dancing around the subject of Meredith's _relationship_ with Derek.

Meredith smiled at her friend's antics. "I'll agree … it's a trap and it can be endless and suffocating and if there's nothing else in life, it really can be all-consuming," she said with a deep sigh, her mind wrapped around and around her mother now.

"_Hmm, well, you would know,"_ Sissy sighed. "_Listen why don't you come and stay with us tonight,"_ she offered. _"And before you say 'no' … just say 'yes'! Humor me and say 'yes', we just hate for you to be out there in the woods alone without Derek to keep you warm,"_ she chided, her words playful, her tone serious.

"Well … okay," Meredith breathed, acquiescing with a full heart. "But only if you make bran muffins for breakfast," she kidded lightly.

"_Wow, that was easy!"_ Sissy exclaimed. _"Either I am getting good at this or you're going soft,"_ she teased, surely a large grin plastered to her face.

And so did Meredith as she and Sissy made plans to meet at the ferry dock and walk out to the farmer's market where they would shop and seek and find everything of their wildest dreams (all under gray, overcast skies of course).

###

Though she felt better about the prospect of not passing another night alone, Meredith's mind was still as choppy as the sea when she boarded the ferryboat a little over an hour later. She hunkered down, donned in her jacket overtop her favorite lavender cashmere sweater, paired with her favorite pair of skinny jeans, the ones she had recently begun to fill out again.

She smiled inside, her life was changing and so was her body, she was gaining weight and strength again, she was getting better and paradoxically becoming true to herself again while changing and growing in the process – _now all she wanted to do was somehow ease her anxiety over missing Derek – _because the fact remained_, _she missed him, pure and simple/ And while this would seem a breakthrough of sorts, it was still disconcerting to her and she didn't quite know how to deal with allowing herself to contemplate this … _luxury. _

_She focused, closing her eyes for a moment – she felt the ebb and flow of the water as the ferryboat pushed on and forward – she physically moved it from the forefront of her mind (the missing), she took it and compartmentalized it – 'just move it, lock it down, keep it safe' – she coached herself, for the task was an arduous one. Her mind and heart were simply misaligned on this one … to miss or not to miss … 'forget me, forget me not'._

Her stomach twisted, she took a deep breath of the stale sea air housed inside the passenger cabin and felt sick. Her head swam, she tread water, _swim, swim, swim, _she persevered before she finally stood and moved along the aisle and straight through the doors, she gulped a breath of the fresh air – _the sky was gray, overcast with thick clouds –_ she walked to the railing and peered over the side of the boat, the bay too was gray and foreboding. She closed her eyes and titled her head up, she took a deep breath and once again submitted to her heart's desperate plea and therein she allowed herself to feel and recognize that dull, sleepy ache for Derek.

_She missed Derek. _

Tears stung her eyes and she felt her heart rate spike and then her blood pressure too, opening her eyes wide now to face the crux of her problem – _she hadn't 'missed' anyone in a really long time_ – her stomach knotted; she averted her eyes, focusing now on the intensity of the gray, cold waters below, hoping to get lost in the movement – _but alas it was no use, she was too far gone_ – her mind landed on her father and now she was stuck.

Because here was the problem, _her_ problem, the admission of missing Derek was tantamount to needing, longing, wanting and waiting for _'someone'_ special – _and the last person Meredith had longed for was her father and well, when a five year old missed someone it seemed like the end of the missing would never come _– and in some ways it never did. He never did resurface again. And so now she was presented with a conflict, she was in a tailspin … but also in a relationship and within the confines of this particular relationship, she was comforted by one single fact:

_Derek Shepherd was nothing like Thatcher Grey. Nothing. _

_No, Derek wasn't going anywhere and of course he made that perfectly clear over and over again – and she trusted him, she trusted him with her life – she had fallen for him and now … now she missed him, it all sounded so simple. _

_Except that it wasn't – her wounds were deep – and after years of Band-Aids and antiseptic and avoidance, sometimes she still couldn't get over the fact that her father up and left and never saw her or missed her or wanted her … ever again. _

She swallowed hard and picked her bags up _– all of a sudden feeling trapped, she turned around and then around again, seeking shelter from the storm brewing inside her mind _– but she had no place to run and hide, for she left Derek's truck at the dock and simply walked on the ferryboat, having no need for a car once she got to the city. Her mind vacillated like the wind and she roamed now, walking up the outer set of steps to the upper deck; she headed for the helm, hoping to find clarity.

Her eyes scanned the horizon once there, the city skyline visible now – _the dark shadows of the looming buildings looked more like battleships_ – gray, sturdy, unmoving and foreboding … Seattle Grace Hospital was there too, she could see the top of the building – _her mind landed on Derek and the ugly childhood memories housed within that beacon, ugly, lonely memories and Derek, Derek, Derek_ – the ferryboat pushed on and forward, _push, push, push, Derek, Derek, Derek _and therein she found herself smiling for a brief moment.

She looked down to avoid the progression and lost herself in the haphazard way the water moved down and away from the boat – _focusing on the cold sea water again –_ her heart raced and she tightened her grip on the metal railing as a fleeting thought consumed her: she could fall and no one would ever know. Except that as much as that might have been true a few months ago – _now it would matter_ – for now she wasn't orphaned … now she would be _missed_ … now she was almost someone's _'everything'_ (and if she let herself be that for Derek, he would be hers in a heartbeat) – _and with that quiet admission of truth _– her mind landed on a solidifying moment for her the other night wherein she finally came to accept that Derek wanted her – _and he wanted this thing with her_ – whatever this thing was, he wanted it with her.

###

"_Want to talk about it?" she heard Derek's soft voice after a long minute, the din of her heart still banging around in her chest, funneling up to her ears where it pulsed, bang-bang. He kissed the dewy flesh of her neck and held her close from behind, cradling her within the shell of his body._

_The nightmare had always been the same, blood, hard, crusty, dark, cold, alone, alone, she waited alone, waited for someone to come, for them to come and collect her mother or save her or collect and save them both. She waited and waited until they came. And the nightmare had always been the same … until recently anyway._

_She held on tighter then, seeking comfort from Derek's physical presence, things had always been the same. Always. Until recently. Until now. She held on tight and even tighter before she impulsively turned into his embrace and titled her head up – demons in her eyes as she found him in the dark – he smiled weakly and blinked, he scanned her eyes, scan, scan … scan._

_For it seemed it was his turn to wait – and so he did just that, he waited and waited – waited for her to say something. Anything. But she couldn't, she didn't trust herself to speak. So she closed her eyes instead and leaned into his heat where he pressed a lingering kiss to her head and began to rub her back, moving his fingertips underneath her sweat-soaked tank top. Her body grew heavier and then she began to wait … wait for Derek to push her, just enough._

"_Meredith," he whispered, trying again. She closed her eyes and held on tighter, pressing her lips to his neck. "You were terrified … you still are," he reasoned. "Talk to me … it's only me," he whispered. _

_And as he waited, she let him stay there with his question hanging in the air because deep down she wasn't sure what to say._

_She__ was frozen. _

_Stuck. _

_Frozen in time. _

_She was five years old, maybe six. She fisted Derek's shirt and held on tight. 'Hold, hold, hold it together', she pleaded inside. Just wait. She just needed clarity… clarity … because things were always the same – gray, cold, bleak, dismal, lonely – until they weren't. Until recently. Until now._

_She took a cleaning breath, savoring the comfort of his essence … his familiarity. And then she held on tighter because her life had changed and as much as she was used to living alone with some degree of fear or emptiness – she didn't exactly feel that way now – because for the first time in her life, she woke up with someone – someone she trusted, someone who also trusted her – and within that trust she found greater clarity and therein, she could finally see beyond her fears and nightmares. _

"_I'm not scared," she announced, 'not anymore' she wanted to add._

"_You __are__ though, or you were … what can I do?" Derek persisted, burrowing deeper into her hold on him._

"_Nothing … it's the same all the time, back to a time before I knew you …," she confessed, trying to close the subject because it was in the past and she desperately wanted to move forward. "It doesn't matter, it was a long time ago … and things … things are different now," she compartmentalized, setting her old fears aside where she hoped they would soon remain. _

"_It matters to me," he replied sincerely, finding her stormy eyes in the dark, his hands cradling her skull while he held her there and not completely against her will either. _

_She sighed and laced her legs through his, titling her head up, she pressed a soft kiss to the underside of his neck, breathing him in as she did – his essence suddenly her panacea for all that went wrong in her life – even those traumatic events from a long time ago. His lips found her temple where they stayed; his hands still moved up and down the fever pricked flesh along her spine. _

"_I know it does," she considered, smiling weakly. "You wouldn't be 'you' if it didn't," she sighed, her heart went nuts, his eyes bore into hers, he was still searching, still making sure of her. _

"_You trust me," he reminded her, brushing his nose against hers. He kissed her cheeks. "We're in this thing and you need to tell me …," he shook his head. She leaned closer and spied his uncertainty there – for it clouded his clear blue eyes – even in the dark. "It's just … you were scared, terrified … Meredith please … just talk to me," he reasoned, pulling further away to look her square in the eyes._

_Meredith looked away for a beat, unable to sustain his scrutiny, his concern. She took a deep breath and dared herself to look up and find him again. "It's memories, some from a long time ago, some from just a couple of months ago," she whispered, staring at him, still captivated of her own free will. _

_He swallowed hard, she watched him assess her. "Where are you …in the nightmare?" he asked after a beat. _

"_In the kitchen with my mother … she … hurt herself …," Meredith answered, bile rose in her throat, her voice trailed off as she swallowed, hard. Fever pricked her skin. "But … it's not where I am that bothers me … it's the feelings, the association … and it's jumbled … a mix of different things, it's …," she tried to articulate, she took another deep breath. _

"_It's what? You can say anything to me …," he encouraged, holding her close. _

"_It's … no matter where I am, the kitchen or the library," she whispered. Derek waited for her to elaborate. "Sometimes I'm … I'm at the library and it's so dark I can't see – I have no vision for the future, nothing, I'm trapped – but the trigger smell, I know where I am …," she breathed, sighing heavily into the thick air. She pressed her lips to his neck, pulsing, connecting._

"_I'm sorry …," Derek swallowed, surely his own mind wandering to those lonely nights she must have spent – hungry, cold, alone – the impetus for their meeting. _

"_I know …I know you are," she whispered, trying to allay his trepidations. "It doesn't matter where I am – I'm alone and its critical – and I __need__ someone and no one is there," she rambled, her mind and heart on fire now. Tears pricked her eyes akin to a fever-chill, Derek pulled back find her. _

"_Your mother … she got hurt," he prompted, pressing his lips together. She watched his mind work. "How old were you when she got hurt … what was wrong?" he asked, perhaps terrified to know more, but unable to stop himself from inquiring. _

"_No Derek," she swallowed hard, her lips quivered and then she lost herself. "No," she shook her head and everything became blurred, cloudy. "No … no – She. Hurt. Herself – she … she tried to kill herself," she whispered, her voice cracked wide open right along with her aching heart now. _

_Her startling words hung in the air between them – she had never admitted this irrefutable fact of her history to anyone, never – and her heart raced now, for she had confessed her mother's deepest sin and with that confession she somehow slipped further away to an unknown place – she had said it, her mother tried to kill herself – and for the first time in her life, she made that event a reality!_

_It was real. It had happened. And now she was here, wrapped around Derek, but deep inside some kind of catatonic trance all the same. White heat encapsulated her, her core smoldered, burned, she felt like a molting snake, layers and years of heartache were shed … she was free and open ... but lost. So lost … and so was he. _

"_Meredith … what?" Derek sighed heavily, flanking her face with his hands, he shook his head, his brow knitted with confusion, no, no, no. "You were just a baby, a small child," his whispered, his eyes wide and full of terror, surely trying to imagine the unimaginable. _

"_She … she was miserable – I told you about her and Richard Webber – she had argued with him, it ended badly … I remember she was inconsolable. We went to the park, she screamed at him, called him a coward … God … she was so angry and he … he was so … he was so … ," she lost her voice and her mind then, still catatonic, she was there in the kitchen, she could see it all, she could smell her mother's coagulating blood._

"_Meredith … he was … what …?" Derek asked, pushing her chin up with his thumb, he fastened his wide blue eyes on hers … she trusted him. _

"_Lost," she answered. _

"_Lost," he repeated._

"_Yes … lost and deflated … when we got to the hospital … I remember … I remember he argued with some nurse in the ER," she chuckled, shaking her head. "I can only assume she called for a psych evaluation," she smiled thoughtfully. "And I remember Richard's booming voice, I'll never forget it, he said something like – 'This is Ellis Grey we're talking about! She's strong and brilliant … she doesn't need or believe in that crap!' – and then to that point, he grabbed my hand and said that he would take care of her himself," she sighed wistfully._

_Meredith allowed Derek to deposit her inside the envelope of his embrace then, for there was no way around it, he held on tight. Once there, she closed her eyes and tried to let it all go, but all she could see was her mother's ashen face and Richard's angry, betrayed and lost eyes, for he was a mess and so was she. _

_Stifling some kind of animalistic cry from deep inside, Meredith pried her eyes open, vowing to leave those images behind. She found Derek's eyes in the dark again – and they were wide and wet, his clarity gone for the moment – and even in the shadow of darkness, she could tell he was beside himself, but with what: grief, fear, regret? Had she said too much?_

"_I can't pretend to know what that must have felt like …," he sympathized, still holding her close, his embrace akin to blanket, a protective sheath._

"_I just … sometimes I get lost too, Derek," she heaved a sigh, wondering if this might be too much for him. "If I'm alone in my dreams …," she lost her voice, wondering now if this was the last straw. "Crap," she whispered, her voice cracked and she began to cry._

_Her tiny tears slipped free, their own weight a pulley as they swiftly slid down her cheeks. She averted her eyes and blinked, forcing the swell of emotions free. Her heart pinched somewhere deep inside. Was this the end of this thing … this thing they had … this thing she wanted so badly?_

"_Crap? Meredith, hold on a second … don't –"_

"_Look … I know this is a lot," she quivered and then she smiled weakly, laying the foundation for her barrier wall by rote now, brick by brick. _

"_Don't," he implored, forcing her to look at him. "Don't even speculate," he warned, his voice soothing, his words meaningful. _

"_I'm a girl with abandonment issues …I can admit that much and I'm sure … it's not too late to …," she pressed her lips together, 'call this thing off', she thought to say, though she couldn't even bring herself to actually say it. She felt sick to her stomach. Her eyes flooded with unshed tears._

"_Meredith –" _

"_Derek … it's just … are you sure you want this thing with me?" she asked, her voice as even as she could make it. "Sometimes I can be pretty broken …," she admitted. "Now is one of those times," she whispered. _

"_I know …," he smiled. "I can't pretend that I don't like what's happened to you though, broken or not … I'm sorry," he sighed, his eyes scanning hers. "But … you trust me … and as long as you talk to me, like this … we'll be fine," he smiled, drawing her near. "And … I do … want you … and just you, just how you are, never doubt that …," he soothed. "I want you," he whispered thickly into her ear._

_Meredith sniffled and listened to Derek's husky chuckle fill the small space between them – his voice dripping with desire – though she knew he hadn't meant it that way … he wanted her though, she knew that much as she succumb to his hold on her and let him soothe her in a way that only he was capable of – rolling her beneath him now – he pinned her down and found her eyes as he lay on top of her and wiggled his body in between her legs. She giggled into the night air, holding on for dear life, the smooth skin of his back melting into her touch – her head thrown back as he peppered her flesh with a series of tiny, wet kisses – all the while holding her close and lulling and rocking her … she was pinned down, captivated and quite willingly too. _

"_I want you," he cackled again, trying his best to mimic the husky tone of his voice before he kissed her senseless for a long minute. "I want our thing … and I still want to be your 'everything'," he reassured with a smirk before he kissed her open mouth, stealing the last of her breath once again._

"_I want you too … and our thing," Meredith sighed against his lips, her legs wrapped low around Derek's waist, her hands pinned above her head now. "I really do," she reassured, her eyes locked on him, her heart beating in tandem with his … her life vest, her buoy … her almost 'everything'._

###

And it was with these lingering thoughts and images that Meredith found herself dialing Derek's number and smiling absentmindedly as she listened to his recorded greeting, turning around and away from the gray overcast skyline as she spoke into the phone, the wind howling over the line as she did.

"Derek … I'm calling from the ferry, taking a trip over to see Sissy and stay the night with her and Charles … company, I just … hmm … okay call me if your plans change or whatever, I know you aren't really in charge of your plans there – _so just call when you can, no pressure_ – I just wanted you to know where I would be … okay … and I'm _fine_ … I ah … I'm sure you have more pressing matters to worry about … so … well, I … yeah … I'll let you go, take care of yourself Derek …," she rambled until her voice ran dry.

She swallowed hard and thought to listen to her message – _but before she processed the idea she hit the number two to send the message and snapped the phone shut_ – finally releasing a massive breath of air she didn't realize she was holding inside. She closed her eyes for a split-second then and stood perfectly still. Holding herself steady, she grabbed her bags and set off to make her way down to the passenger exit to wait for the ferry to dock.

Sighing into the chilly sea air – _she shook her head, somewhat deflated_ – she thought to call him back and just tell him … just to say it out loud – _she missed him and part of her wanted to confess just how much _– but she couldn't, so she rambled instead. Lucky for her, Derek didn't mind her rambling mind. Her stomach rolled, the ferry pressed on – _the gray outline of the skyline becoming more defined as they inched closer and closer _– while she hugged her arms around herself and stood idly by and watched.

###

It wasn't until an hour or so later that Meredith realized she had missed yet another call from Derek. And if it weren't for Sissy's idea of stopping for a coffee, she might have not seen the call until much later. For the market was crowded – _the street lined with stall after stall of typical farmer's market wares_ – fresh produce, gourmet prepared foods, handmade toys, gadgets, clothing, you name it … they were selling it.

_So as it happened, with a handful of bags between them, the shopping duo finally sat down near a small stage where a group of Hawaiian slack key guitarists played their jovial tunes – their paradisiacal groove somewhat out of place under the gray skies overhead – except that the warmth exuded from their energy somehow transcended above the small damp street corner where they stood presently and therein they had effectively changed the backdrop, the soundtrack for the moment for everyone within earshot._

_Meredith closed her eyes and listened, content to let her nightmare and all the 'Derek-missing' ebb away. She titled her head back and up and actually felt the sun seep through the clouds and press against her face – wishful thinking, she set her mind free and envisioned a blue sky much higher overhead – she pushed her hands inside her jacket pocket, and that's when she felt it: the vibration of her phone. _

Startled, she pulled the phone free and popped it open, squinting in response to that bright overcast glow from the sky – _she held the phone out and looked down only to see she had one voicemail and one missed call_ – her heart sinking as she navigated her way, toggling the missed calls first … deflated …_ she had missed Derek. Again._

She sighed and met Sissy's curious gaze from across the table. She watched her friend take a sip of her coffee and consider what Meredith was contemplating, knowing that before long, she would make her best guess. And so it was a stalemate of sorts – _and not in a bad way_ – just in a way that worked for them. For as much as Meredith didn't want Sissy to feel compelled to _'mother'_ her – _she had recently accepted this aspect of their relationship_ – silently acquiescing a couple of weeks ago after her intense conversation with Derek the morning after he lost his young patient, Jonah … the morning after he also had some kind of intense conversation with Sissy on that very same night.

The wind changed directions and the world fell away as Meredith dialed her voicemail, keeping one eye on Sissy – _she grounded herself, watching_ _her caring friend,_ _casually sipping her hot coffee, no doubt trying to read her mind –_ all the while the slack key guitarists played on and on, the sky still dull and gray and lifeless – _until her ear was filled with the intimate tone of Derek's voice_ – and then somehow, the wind changed directions again and life resumed. She felt her lips upturn and ease into a reflexive smile.

"_Meredith … I'm obviously still here, things are intense and I can't get away … but I'm glad to know you'll be with Sissy and Charles … maybe we can meet up in the morning since you'll be in the city … okay … well … I … I miss you, Meredith … … … … … sleeping last night in the on-call room … I missed you – and I wanted to say that before, the last time I called – but then I censured myself and then I had another opportunity to call here … and I wondered why … why I didn't say anything before … I mean, it's just you, right? … And … I can tell you anything, can't I? So … I miss you and there's no way around it … … … hmm, call me and if I can answer, I will."_

Meredith closed the phone and closed her eyes, craning her neck back she tried her best to assuage her gathering tears – _a perfect balance of sheer happiness laced with fear consumed her – her heart lunged forward, bang-bang, it moved against her chest_ – he missed her … and she missed his call … she felt deflated. She had never been this woman – _the woman who got excited over phone calls and intimate messages –_ she sighed, trying to reign herself in, but it was no use, she was done for.

Because, like Derek said – _there was no way around it_ – she was in this thing with him and she was in too deep – _too deep to even want to try to get out or deal with the fallout because she didn't necessarily want a way out _– because she was in this thing and she missed him. So, she did what women did when they were in relationships and felt the way she did. She tried to come to terms with her feelings. And in doing so, she opened her eyes and ran her fingertips along her wet cheeks, finding Sissy right where she left her ... waiting for her to emerge.

"It's okay to miss him you know," Sissy offered pointedly after a minute, finally breaking through the silent sound barrier of Meredith's reverie. She winked at her young, nervous friend.

Meredith snorted. "Who says I am?" she asked incredulously.

"It's written all over your face, your posture … you're vacillating … you're perplexed," Sissy stated evenly, her mind working until is stopped short. And then she smiled broadly. "Hmm, he misses you too, doesn't he?" she ventured a guess, scanning the young woman's pensive green eyes.

"How do you _know_ these things?" Meredith scoffed, despite the wry grin moving along her face.

Sissy sighed and reflected inside – _'mother's intuition'_ – she wanted to say, but she held back for a moment and then she smiled. "I know what makes you tick Meredith Grey," she said instead.

"And what?" Meredith laughed. "Derek Shepherd all of a sudden makes me tick?" she sighed, her pink cheeks betraying her.

"When you blush like that … he does," Sissy countered with a raised brow, the look upon her heart-shaped face full of mischief. "I think you already knew the answer to that question though … you're a smart woman," she teased.

"I do," Meredith answered, locking her eyes with her older, intuitive friend. "I do," she said, her voice cracking on her admission … she missed him – _she really missed him_ – a fury of emotion consumed her for a beat before she let it go, her eyes still fastened to Sissy's. She smiled and sniffled, her eyes wet, her cheeks still hot and pink.

_Sissy watched Meredith own her feelings and it was beautiful to observe – the young girl was in love – this person who had sustained herself for so long without trusting herself to find and seek and fall in love … was indeed in love. She smiled at her youthful friend and all of a sudden she remembered how scared she was to let herself leap or fall in love with Charles. For after spending a lifetime together already – when it came down to it – she remembered having a near panic attack when she finally __owned__ those feelings and was able to succumb to his advances … his desire to spend (quite literally) his whole life with her. _

Tears stung her eyes, but she could only smile at her old reflection. "I have an idea," she said conspiratorially – _suddenly afraid to waste any time _– afraid to squander the momentum of the moment.

###

About an hour later the two friends sat outside the looming figure of Seattle Grace Hospital – _both with immeasurable memories of pain etched in their hearts and words of comfort and encouragement stuck in their throats_ – neither woman said a word for what felt like a long while. The car idled and they sat there still, the dark gray late afternoon sky somewhat illuminated by the hospital lights, though those lights did nothing to soften what the building stood for or against.

Sissy spoke first. "Call me when you find him and let me know your plan," she sighed, leaning forward, she tried to find Meredith's eyes. "We'll, wait to hear from you and then make ours," she pushed gently, knowing Meredith had a host of valid reasons for not wanting to venture inside the vast loneliness of the building.

Meredith remained still, her eyes transfixed on the building, her mind wandering to the past, her heartstrings pulling her into the future anyway. "You know … I hate this place," she muttered with her eyes still trained on the automatic doors.

_She felt like a child all over again and wondered if the trip inside the building was worth it. She could just call Derek. She could, but she wanted to __see__ him, make sure of him, be present and in the moment within this thing of theirs. The doors opened. The doors shut. And she was stuck somewhere in the middle. _

Sissy scoffed. "Hmm, me too," she answered.

Meredith turned to her friend then and smiled weakly, not quite surprised by her admission, but unsure of what to say or to ask all the same. "Something happened to you here," she stated evenly, no question to her tone she ventured a guess instead.

"Yes, I lost … everything here," Sissy admitted out loud to her young, sensitive friend, hoping this piece of her history would not somehow change their future together. Meredith moved closer and rested her hand along Sissy's forearm; she applied gentle pressure, making sure of her. "Our son ... we lost our baby … soon after he was born," she confessed, her chest clamped down, claiming and constricting her heart just as it had done everyday since.

_Meredith's heart shook. She of course knew something had happened to Sissy in her life, for sometimes she could read the sadness on her face like it was a book she knew by heart – and much like her own pain of longing, Sissy housed some variety of heartache – she knew it was there and had been for a long time now and much like Meredith, she had her share of coping mechanisms. She met her friend's watery gaze and wished she could take her pain away. _

"I wish I had some wonderful words to tell you how deeply sad I am to learn of your loss," Meredith offered. She swallowed hard and watched a tear slip from her dear friend's eye, her eyes glistening against the gray, filtered light inside the car. "What was your son's name?" she asked after another quiet minute.

"Daniel," Sissy replied softly, gently.

_A beautiful smile adorned Sissy's face then – it was a reflective smile, one Meredith had never seen before – perhaps one she saved for her boy. And in that moment, Meredith felt like she was honored with a glimpse of the real Sissy Marc, the doting, proud and mystified mother, the woman she was deep inside. _

"Beautiful name," Meredith muttered, still lost within the magic dispelled from Sissy's glowing aura.

"He was a beautiful baby, our angel on earth," Sissy sighed, her heart free and wild … and _full _for a moment in time.

"I am sure he was all that and so much more," Meredith sighed, her hand still pressed to her friend's forearm, she felt her tremble under her touch.

"What could have been," Sissy mused softly, somehow relieved to have finally told Meredith about her dear Daniel. "I do hate coming back here though, I hate being the vicinity – _driving the route we took that day when I was in labor _– it makes me cringe inside," she sighed, her mind wandering, _gone, gone, gone_ … her inner monologue gone too. "This place is just an ugly reminder for me … an ugly reminder of an ugly and unfair turn of events," she offered, swallowing hard, her heart began to race.

"You had them bring me here though," Meredith wondered aloud now, on the verge of finding the clarity she needed.

"Of course I did," Sissy said boldly. "It was the closest and it _is_ the best hospital in the area," she insisted pointedly with the air of guardianship and confidence that only came with being a mother.

_Shaking her head – Meredith watched a small smile creep along Sissy's face – both women reflecting on all that had happened since they stumbled (or rolled) into Seattle Grace in the wee hours of that fateful morning. _

"Thank you," Meredith breathed, finding her friend's eyes again. "For … _everything_," she whispered, her eyes glassy, her heart on fire and full with the love and admiration of a daughter.

"You can do this, Meredith," Sissy smiled, tilting her head, sensing the worst was over. "You need to do this and it will all be fine …," she encouraged.

"It will all be fine until I see Richard Webber," Meredith muttered, pushing back, she vacillated.

"I have no doubt you may see the man – _but you also need to remember_ – this was your mother's fight … her plight … her flight … not yours," Sissy cautioned. "He has a story here too, you know – _I know it's hard to see that way_ – but he does, he's a human being after all … we all make mistakes and have regrets Meredith," she counseled. "So don't let _theirs_ be a hindrance to _you_ … don't do that to yourself, don't let this place become a battlefield – _this has never been your fight_ – so let it go," she encouraged, watching the gray cloud of confusion move beyond her young friend's face.

Meredith sighed and took a deep breath. "Why must you make things sound so practical that they all of a sudden seem attainable?" Meredith giggled, her heart still racing, though she knew Sissy was right.

"Because I'm right and like Charles always says, I always am," she teased. "Go, I'll wait here for your call," she pushed gently.

_Meredith chuckled and opened the car door. She grabbed the brown paper shopping bag from the back seat – she could this, she decided – she could go in there and bring Derek some dinner and spend whatever time he had with him because she missed him and missing him had somehow trumped all the hours spent within the walls of Seattle Grace 'missing' her mother._

_She leaned down and made a final wave to Sissy through the glass before she turned toward the building and started to move on and forward because this was not her battle – she may have housed the demons and the nightmares – but she didn't necessarily own them and it was high time she started living her life and making her own memories, preferably with Derek by her side. _

**Chapter 13 – Battleship Grey – Part 2 of 2 to follow.**


	17. Chapter 13, Battleship Grey, Part 2 of 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: So, I hope you enjoy the balance of this chapter. Please let me know what you think, I do so love to hear from you!**

**Chapter 13 – Battleship Grey – Part 2 of 2**

Meredith sighed and looked over her shoulder, the lobby was busy, people were coming and going –_ living, breathing, worried, relieved, happy_ – and though the path was clear for some, it was cloudy for others, much like it had always been for her when she was here. The elevator chimed; Meredith attempted to bring her head down from the clouds as several people disembarked before she carefully and purposefully and willingly stepped inside. Without thinking she found herself pressing the button for the fourth floor – _she smiled tightly as she clutched her paper shopping bag _– some things never change, was all she could think.

She sighed and then held her breath, all the while praying Derek would be free – _or free enough for her to say what she needed and wanted to say to him_ – that she missed him … something she wanted to be able to say it with clarity before she might become stifled by her memories and have to leave this place out of fear. In the end, all she wanted was to come out of this battlefield of old demons and still be whole and healed – _she wanted to survive it all_ – both her memories and the depths of her feelings for Derek.

The elevator chimed announcing their arrival and this time Meredith cringed as she stepped out and away from the safety and protection of the impenetrable steel box – _she took a deep breath of the cooler, clinical, recycled air – 'breathe, it's only air' _she chanted silently, although she already felt like she was suffocating, the odor alone brought her childhood to the forefront, the cooler air cloaked her and shrouded her and not at all in a good way.

Taking another deep breath, she held her shopping bag tighter and tried to bring her mind back to the task at hand – _her head spun and the smaller lobby began to spin too; she felt lost –_ except that the terrain was familiar. For she knew the landscape by rote and to that point, she instinctually turned to the left and came to stand in front of the choppy sea of black and white, box after box after box – _black, white, black white;_ _a landscape devoid of gray – 'Grey, Grey, Grey',_ she had to stop herself from searching for her mother's name on the prominent OR Board, the old relic staring back at her now just as it always had.

_The cold air arrested her then – she was trapped, stymied, completely immobilized by the towering board – still just as big as she remembered, maybe even bigger or more foreboding. And so there she stood – her purpose for being at Grace in the first place, gone – she was lost her heart raced. And as her core shook she could do nothing but wait, stand still and wait for it to pass – the drowning, suffocating feeling – she swallowed hard …'wait, wait, wait' she pleaded silently as she let go of her mother's ice cold gray ghost once and for all._

Sighing, she shook her head scanned the board once again – _this time searching her childhood relic for 'Shepherd' instead of 'Grey' _– her mind wandered, she felt cold and alone… _'Shepherd, Shepherd'_, her eyes wandering now too, floating over familiar acronyms of procedures, a small smile moving along her face as she did … for Derek's name wasn't up there. Her heart raced. She picked her shopping bag up and cleared her throat with the intent of having him paged – _but found that she was still unable to look away from the daunting board_ – her eyes just wouldn't let up … still roaming, checking and making sure they weren't playing tricks on her … and so it seemed they really weren't – _'Shepherd, Shepherd'_ – she made one last check, no his name wasn't up there.

Satisfied that Derek was here somewhere and somewhat available, Meredith looked down and retrieved her cell phone to call Sissy and that was when she felt it_: a swoosh of colder air, then a lingering shadow of someone large in stature._ Looking up and to her right, her inhale sharp when she realized the gray cold shadow belonged to none other than the man she intended to avoid: _Richard Webber._

She swallowed hard and found her grip tightening on her phone. He looked down at her and smiled, his large dark eyes glistening against the fluorescent lights – _nothing about him really alarmed her _– but she froze all the same, knowing all she could do was stand next to him and stare at him. He smiled politely still, the air of a hospital administrator woven throughout his stance – _he didn't say anything_ – and he didn't have to, for he was the one people turned to in their hour of need, he had the broad shoulders fit for crying on and he wore them with skilled precision now, nearing the end of his career.

Meredith shifted on her feet as she continued to survey him for a beat longer – _she blinked and turned her attention back to the board _– willing herself to move away from his genuine grin, that small contemplative look that told her he was about to ask her if she needed his help. He was disarming – _he had already done his job on her – 'Shepherd'_, she looked for Derek's name, knowing she wouldn't find him listed up there. She felt a little like she was stuck out on a limb with no one there to help her.

_Her head swam, her heart raced; she was immobilized._

The older man cleared his throat. "Dr. Richard Webber," he smiled curtly as he turned toward her. Meredith looked up and pressed her lips together; she titled her head to the side. "I'm Chief of Surgery here at Seattle Grace," he continued, offering his hand. "And you are …," he prompted with that same sure smile.

"Looking for Derek Shepherd," Meredith managed to say, her voice caught in her throat.

She swallowed hard, once again blindsided by the soft look she found inside his dark liquid eyes. He looked wasted, forlorn – _and yet he smiled_ – seemingly eager to help her. The man was still a paradox to her, nothing more – _and there inside this tiny private moment_ – a small piece of her wondered what it might have been like to grow up with him around. She looked away for a beat, trying her best to think of something to say besides shouting her name just to get it over with.

"Well, he's here somewhere, come with me, I'll have him paged," Webber said, a curious smile moved along his face as he turned and walked to the Nurses' Station.

At a loss for words, Meredith followed him, her cell phone and shopping bag clutched in one hand, her other hand balled into a fist inside her pocket, _'please, please'_ she pleaded for nothing in particular – _the drafty hospital corridor suddenly hotter than hell_ – her heart raced, she cleared her throat and came to stand next to Webber.

"Could you please page Dr. Shepherd, he has a visitor here … a Miss …," he prompted.

"Meredith … Meredith Grey," she answered without thinking, her free hand flew up where her sweaty palm met her lips.

The pair stared at one another for what seemed like forever, the nurse murmured something indiscernible to Webber, but they stood there still – _time truly could have stopped and it was beyond anything either one could do to move forward_ – for it seemed the past had finally caught up with them and suddenly they were on a cliff, a precipice of finding out just what it might be like to see one another again.

_Meredith froze – Webber gripped the counter and turned to the nurse, but words seemed to fail him – he turned back to Meredith, still in a state of shock, their catatonic alternative universe only tipped further to the side when they heard Derek's recognizable voice behind them. The unlikely pair turned to see him walking briskly their way; a more than pensive look twisted upon his face – his brow knitted with concern and confusion – his worried eyes scanned the scene, back and forth as he came to stand in front of Meredith. _

"Meredith?" Derek questioned, reaching out, he instinctively put his hand along her forearm. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, despite the wild beat of his heart.

Shifting on his feet, he locked his eyes with hers – _gray and cloudy and wide with the same fear and apprehension he had noticed the first time they spoke_ – for her fear of seeing Richard Webber had suddenly become her reality.

Meredith's stomach flip-flopped and she cleared her throat. "Um … yeah … I am … I just …," her voice trailed off into a murmur as she locked her eyes on Derek's and let the chokehold of the alternative universe fall away.

'_It's not your fight' – came Sissy's voice again, her sounding-board for the moment – she felt Webber's presence loom behind her – Derek's eyes darted away from hers and surely locked on his old mentor's for a beat – 'he has a story here too' – came her dear friend's wise reminder again … yes, she had to make herself remember that her mother's journals only provided her with half of the tumultuous history that belonged to her and Richard Webber. _

Derek's eyes landed on Meredith's again and only then did she smile – _she stepped closer to his heat and laced her fingers through his_ – he smiled too and moved one hand along the gentle angle of her cheekbone. He scanned her, making sure of her, watching now as the storm he had seen inside of her eyes moved out to sea. Her clarity returning as she turned inside his personal space to face Richard.

"So …," Derek said, tilting his head, he waited for a cue from Meredith.

"Meredith Grey," breathed Richard, quite mystified by her sudden presence that he almost had a heart attack a moment ago. He swallowed hard and wondered how caustic she might be and how much she might know about his relationship with her mother. "I ah … your mother and I …," he voice trailed off and he found himself looking around the near-deserted lobby before he met the young woman's intense eyes again – _eyes so much like her mother's_ – it almost hurt to look at her.

"I remember you," Meredith sighed, intuitively putting him out of his misery.

_She felt Derek's embrace as he draped his arm along her trim shoulders. She leaned into his heat, his support for her evident and for once in her life she found herself so thankful that she had someone to lean on and even more thankful that it was Derek._

"You remember me …," Richard smiled weakly and cleared his throat, fever pricking his skin as a host of unexpected emotions covered him like a thick mosquito net now.

"I do," Meredith confirmed, watching his eyes become riddled with worry … concern … fear so much so that it was a lot like looking into a mirror – _he felt the same as she did _– after all these years, he felt the same.

"It was complicated –" he started to explain.

"I know," she interrupted with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry Meredith …," Richard sighed, shaking his head, his history with her mother replaying itself _live and in Technicolor_ as he stared at the remarkable woman before him. "I am … sorry … about her death … and so much more," he offered, his voice rough around the edges.

"Hmm … thank you," Meredith said her voice trembling slightly as she took another deep breath. Derek squeezed her shoulder; just enough to remind her he was there. She swallowed hard. "She was lost … in the end, it seemed she was … lost for a long time …," she elaborated softly, but then thought to hold her tongue.

_A hint of guilt creeping in now as she said that last part – for the last thing she wanted to do was to betray her mother's confidence – even if Meredith only read of her longing for the man before her in her journals; it didn't feel right. She sighed heavily and closed the subject, putting a mental end to the amount of information she would give away about her mother's feelings. After all it was __her__ journal – her place of solitude – her safe place to empty her mind of all the wild she housed within. _

"I can relate," Richard admitted after a minute, his eyes glassy now as he tried to relay his regret to Ellis' daughter. His heart pinched inside his chest – _somewhere low and deep_ – this secret place he had reserved a long, long time ago for the woman he would likely love forever.

_Meredith's eyes became wet too and she suddenly felt suffocated by everything – the fluorescent light, the recycled air, the regret, the pain, the ever-present loneliness – it was all too much, but she held Richard Webber's sad gaze anyway and tried to rest his weary mind while simultaneously trying to lick her old wounds clean. She shook her head as her heart and lungs tread water while she secretly wondered how the man was still standing … still working … and still surviving inside the walls of Seattle Grace._

_He was a survivor, barely breathing, but still surviving the internal tug-of-war that ensued from his decision to leave her mother for his wife – for he still lived along the shores of the battleground of their tumultuous thing together – this otherwise ripe and influential time in his life marred by their relationship, the hospital, his beloved OR perhaps becoming nothing more than a self-imposed life of imprisonment._

_And with those ugly thoughts, she wondered about those constant reminders he must have lived with (if he had harbored any regret at all) – Chief of Surgery, life in exile, her mother's attempt on her life perhaps beating him to a pulp, the guilt alone … the relentless guilt – Meredith's heart raced and her throat tightened and therein Webber suddenly looked beaten to her … beleaguered by his life choices._

_And even though the kind, perfected stance he had greeted her with was still there, she realized now that it was just a shell, a casing he used to hold himself together. She swallowed hard and watched him crumble away on the inside – chip, chip, chip – and so it seemed, he was broken and lost much like her mother had been._

"So … are you taking off?" Derek asked after another painful moment of a stalemate between the old acquaintances, his best attempt to save them both.

"I was about to … yes," Richard answered finally looking away from Meredith, oh so thankful for the reprieve.

"You should," Derek agreed. "Take advantage of the quiet board here," he commiserated, nodding his head at the looming OR Board.

"Shh, it'll hear you," Richard chuckled softly at his own joke whilst patting his young counterpart's forearm.

He took a deep breath, happy at least to be back within his comfort zone … for now – _knowing that with the protective way Derek was with Meredith _– that things between them might change, for the young people were involved – _they were people to each other, that much was evident_ – and with relationships came the disclosure of secrets. He pressed his lips together in a tight smile and locked his eyes with Derek's –_ still wondering how, if at all, his involvement with Meredith might change the young man's perception of him_ – the thought made him cringe, though it was likely now that Derek might have known about his indiscretions with Ellis for some time now and things remained relatively unchanged. He supposed time would tell.

"See you tomorrow then," he said after another moment. "Meredith … it was a rare pleasure," he said, doing his best to keep his voice stable despite the inevitable pound of his raging heart.

Meredith smiled and nodded, perhaps unable to say anything. Derek took a deep breath and smiled before he drew his woman near and found his mentor's eyes, still cloudy with confusion. "Have a good night – _and before you say anything_ – you know I'll page you if we need you," he asserted and then he smiled. "We'll all be just fine," he assured with gentle authority as he squeezed Meredith's shoulder.

Richard took a lingering deep breath and smiled at the couple. He turned to go – _but suddenly felt lost _– and it wasn't because he was full of regret or longing for Ellis, but more out of fear of leaving, and not just for tonight – _but for good_ – and so as he retreated to his office, he once again found himself wondering what his life might be like in another six weeks.

He shook his head as he sauntered away, slowly and carefully now, his mind clouded with just what his life going to be like when he was finally released from prison – _only to enter a prison of a different variety_ – one devoid of anything that resembled the life he had made for himself within the confines of Seattle Grace Hospital.

###

The couple watched him go, retreating down and away the hallway to his office – _his gate slow, his mind surely thoughtful_ – Derek's hand found Meredith's and he squeezed. She picked her shopping bag up.

"Come with me," he said softly, meeting her eyes, the storm within receding now as he laced his fingers through hers and led her the opposite way, making a point to slip into the first deserted waiting area he spotted.

Once there, Meredith set her bag down and pressed her back against the wall just inside the area. She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them – _smiling weakly now as her heart began to slow it's pace _– Derek stepped closer, checking her, making sure of her as he titled his head to the side and smiled. He watched her eyes become glassy and therein so did his – _they would be okay _– he knew this much, he also knew Meredith might need a reminder on this point.

"Are you okay?" he asked of her after a beat, his eyes still scanning hers.

"I am actually … I'm relieved," she giggled breathlessly. "Kiss me," she sighed, pulling him forward, the collar of his lab coat gathered inside of her fist.

And so he did, ducking down and forward, he kissed her –_ soft and quick, kind of like a habit_ –like she had materialized at work … to see him … all the time.

"Relief … that's good," he replied, a sense of relief washing over him now too as he met her gaze; the color returning to her cheeks now before he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers again, _pulse, pulse_. "Hmm … you're here … why?" he asked against her mouth, _pulse, pulse, God, she tasted good, like coffee and breath mints and the salt of the bay_.

_Meredith pulled away and smiled, she pressed her fingertips to her lips and pushed herself away from the wall in an effort to move closer to Derek's heat – this energy source she had come to crave – and miss. She melted inside and kissed him again, he tasted of coffee and smelled of antibacterial soap – her hands found his hips where she grounded herself, feeling the groove of the tie-style waste band of his dark blue scrubs, the same blue that accentuated his cerulean eyes. She pulled away again and took stock of him now – his blue eyes sparkling in the dim light – cloaked in his scrubs and pristine white lab coat, he was the version of himself she first dared herself … to connect with … to lean into – just as she found herself doing now – leaning, falling … and craving … and confessing. She smiled. _

"I missed you too," she whispered, tilting her head up, she watched his whole face soften and become lighter – _his concern for her washed away and suddenly he was alive_ – he stepped forward, perhaps fueled by her words.

Derek smiled broadly and moved to cup Meredith's face in his hands – _her heated cheeks warming his fingertips on contact_ – her eyes steady and calm, no storm on the horizon now. For despite how much she hated this place and what it stood for in her mind's eye – _she was there, standing in front of him_ – and she missed him, she had fallen for him and now she missed him … and he … he almost melted out of his skin with the sheer happiness he found within her realization. For she missed him enough to come for him and that meant something – _it was solidifying_ – it was another new beginning.

"You missed me," he stated evenly, his voice besieged by something he hadn't expected, an overwhelming sense of relief –_ she was in this thing _– she wanted it and now she missed him … she wanted him.

"I did," she confirmed with her secret smile, her green eyes twinkling now, sparkling and glistening just for him.

He stepped forward, his foot nudging her paper shopping bag as he did. He looked down at the intrusion. "What's all this?" he asked curiously, finding her eyes again.

She smiled. "Dinner," she breathed. "From the farmer's market," she elaborated. "I thought we could eat together … if you have time," she murmured, watching a smile form along his handsome face.

"Are you asking me out for a date?" Derek quipped with a grin.

"I am," she answered firmly with her own grin. "We could take this down to the café – _not very romantic, I know_ – but –"

"You're here," he interrupted, cupping her face with his hands, the green sea of her eyes calm and clear once again, he moved his hands down along her neck to her shoulders where they stayed.

"I'm here," Meredith whispered, her eyes locked on the endless blue ocean she found within his. "I have to call Sissy," she smiled then. "She's been waiting for me … she wanted to know you were free before she took off," she explained, tilting her head up, she smiled again. "So I'll call and then –"

"You're all mine," Derek muttered, closing the small distance between them to kiss her perfect-fit lips, _pulse, pulse._

"Something like that," she sassed with a smirk as she began to scroll through her contacts.

_She landed on Sissy's name, pressed the 'send' button and waited, instinctively lacing her fingers through Derek's and blushed intensely, suddenly feeling like a fish out of water. She grasped his hand. _

"It's okay," he whispered softly, sensing her awkwardness, he stepped closer and pressed a kiss to her hot cheek.

_Meredith sighed breathlessly as she locked her eyes with his – blue, clear, stunning – her anxiety ebbing under his watchful eye, giggling out loud when she heard the wry tone of Sissy's voice funnel over the line. _

"_I hope you're calling me with good news,"_ she deadpanned.

"I am," Meredith replied, her eyes still fastened to Derek's, she batted her lashes.

"_Well then, we're off to see the movies – the playhouse is running a marathon of Hitchcock films it seems – and Charles is hot to see "The Birds" on the big screen again," _she said with the same wry tone.

"Sounds horrifying," Meredith mused, smiling at her friend's antics.

"_Downright … but I think you'll find Meredith dear – there isn't much one wouldn't do in the name of love – now is there?"_ she asked pointedly.

_Meredith sighed and found the deep wells of her eyes filling with tears, the levees about to break – once again Sissy was right – for she had fallen for Derek and found herself facing her wildest fears tonight … just to see him … because she missed him … she was captivated. _

"No … I guess there isn't," she mused thoughtfully, the swell of unshed tears easing their way down and into her ducts. She blinked and found Derek's unwavering gaze, no doubt trying to assess her status.

Derek watched Meredith falter slightly and then slowly right herself as she spoke to Sissy. She squeezed his hand and pulled him toward her with yet another layer of intensity added to the luminous tint of her eyes – _he swallowed hard and wondered what on earth Sissy was saying on the line_ – he titled his head and smiled, resting one hand along her flushed cheek … she leaned into his touch … _he was captivated._

"_Did you see Dr. Webber?" _Sissy asked hesitantly.

"I did ... and I'm fine," Meredith assured with a soft smile. "We'll all be fine," she sighed, repeating Derek's earlier words now, because in most ways, she believed him.

"_We'll talk tomorrow about that then … but you should know … I'm proud of you Meredith, for facing your fears like you have …,"_ she replied, her voice soft and encouraging.

"Thank you Sissy …," Meredith whispered. "For facing yours …," she added, her voice cracking as she did.

"_Anything for you …,"_ Sissy replied straight away. She cleared her throat and everything was silent for a moment.

_Meredith smiled and leaned further into Derek's heat without thinking – his body heat, his innate warmth, the peace of mind he provided for her – was everything she suddenly realized she had missed about him._

"_Why don't we leave a key for you,"_ Sissy suggested after a minute, effectively changing the subject. _"This way you can come and go as you please … if Derek gets called away you won't have to wait for us,"_ she added thoughtfully.

"Sounds perfect …thank you," Meredith murmured.

"_Our pleasure, now go … and press a kiss to that man's handsome cheek for me and invite him for brunch tomorrow,"_ she sassed with a chuckle.

Meredith smiled broadly. "I will … see you later … bye now," she sighed, a twinkle set deep in her eyes as she snapped the phone shut and pondered her feelings for Derek, leaning forward, she pressed chaste kiss to his cheek. "That's from Sissy," she whispered softly. His smile moved under her lips as she tipped her head up and kissed his mouth, soft and easy, a tiny moan escaping from her lips as she did. "And that's from me," she husked against his open mouth – _she pulsed once, twice, deepening their union_ – her knees dipping weakly as she pulled back, her fists pinned to his hips; her heart racing a mile a minute.

Derek smiled and took one step closer, his belly pressed against hers as he drew her near – _his hands found her face and he watched her expression soften_ – the stress and sickness she was beleaguered with when they first met in this very hospital all but gone now. He pressed his lips together, thinking now about how much had changed for her, for them –_ and how_ _her relationship with Sissy had been redefined right along with theirs_ – adding yet another layer to their longevity and connectivity, one Derek could tell Meredith was slowly coming to terms with.

For he recognized her commitment to giving intimacy a try again tonight when she picked up to call her friend just before _– the gesture was somehow more heartfelt and therein her connection with Sissy had transcended into something else_ – something that he knew she needed, but was also afraid to accept … the connection of mother to daughter and vice-versa. He smiled broadly, unable to hide his pride in her willingness to grow and mature as her life changed. And it was with all this in mind that Derek dared himself to say what he did next.

"You know …," he sighed thoughtfully, raising his woman's chin to get a good look at her emerald orbs as he cradled her angelic face in his hands. "I called my mother today …," he said softly, boldly venturing into uncharted territory, for sure where no man had ever been before.

_Meredith smiled weakly, her heart raced and an unfamiliar breathless sound escaped from her lips, what was it a giggle or a gasp? She shook her head and locked her eyes with his, for she could tell he was gauging her response – ready for her flight or her fight – except that neither one ever kicked into gear because her reflexes seemed to only move her __closer__ to her man and therein she brushed her lips against his – because she missed him and because she was in this thing – and because she missed … 'them'. _

"I told her all about you," Derek husked against her mouth as he kissed and kissed her sweet lips, still craving her touch even though she was right here, right now.

"You did …," she sighed, her heartbeat resting somewhere between reluctance and relief.

"I did," he smiled broadly.

His eyes moving over her now waiting for the inevitable freak out – _but then she surprised him and smiled instead, her rosy cheeks still heated with her desire for him and their thing_ – and in that moment, Derek realized that her wave of insecurity wasn't likely to break along their shores because the tides had changed – _because she was here_ – and as scared as she was to see Webber, she wanted to see him _more_ … because she missed him and their thing together.

###

"Do you want the last bite?" Meredith asked with a sheepish grin; eying the remains of a perfectly balanced and textured piece of cheesecake.

"Nope, it's all yours," Derek smiled, completely enchanted by Meredith's love of the dessert. He was smitten.

"Hmm …," she moaned as the last of the delicacy coated her throat – _a sated grin spreading across her face_ – she looked up and found Derek shifting in his seat, his dancing eyes locked on hers now. "So good," she muttered – _more to herself than anyone else_ – except that the throaty tone to her voice hung in the air – _'so good'_ – her core woke up.

_Her cheeks heated and a stock image of that scene from "When Harry Met Sally" floated through her mind – there Sally sat moaning over her meal, near climax from her faux orgasm – onlookers, Harry included, mouths agape with expressions sitting somewhere between horror and intrigue. _

"Sorry," she giggled, rolling her eyes; her cheeks turning pink as Derek leaned forward and kissed her sweet lips.

"Hmm … you're right," he husked as he pulled back. "So good," he teased, watching with a careful eye as his would-be lover's cheeks turned even a deeper shade of red.

He shifted in his seat and sat back to enjoy the view – _Meredith's breathless laugh the soundtrack for the moment _– as it floated inside the nearly deserted café, lonely patrons scattered throughout, a few of them turning their attention her way – _small tight smiles adorning their otherwise sad faces_ – she was a light source, pure and simple.

Derek sighed and began to close some of the empty food containers in front of them. Meredith joined him and the pair worked in relative silence for a beat in time. He set the empty containers back inside the bag and took another sip of his water, his eyes on his woman as he did _– she was adorable with her hair wild from being out in the city, her cheeks flushed, a girlish more carefree version of the woman he first met_ – she was a vision and sexy as hell too with the fluorescent lights doing this remarkable thing to her eyes all of a sudden … shimmering … dancing … she was happy.

_Meredith caught Derek's eyes with hers and held him inside his reflective moment – he chuckled and so did she – their wandering minds only interrupted by the husky baritone belonging to Mark Sloan. _

"Well, isn't this cozy," the plastic surgeon chided, his eyes dancing with mischief and intrigue.

"Correction, it _was_," Derek teased with a smirk.

_Meredith's eyes bounced between the two doctors. She smiled at their friendly banter until her wide eyes finally rested on Derek's, he smiled in return and only then did it hit him that Meredith hadn't officially met his esteemed colleague. _

"Dr. Sloan, this is –"

"Meredith Grey," Mark interrupted. "I never forget a pretty face," he touted with a broad grin.

"Dr. Sloan," Meredith, her fingertips instinctually went to her forehead and she stood to greet him. "Thank you," she smiled genuinely.

Derek stood and moved closer to Meredith. "You can barely see where her wound was … maybe you really are the best," he teased the egocentric doctor now.

Mark stepped closer to Meredith. "May I?" he asked, his eyes narrowing on her forehead.

"Sure," she said, feeling the warmth from touch as he ran his pointer finger along her hairline.

"Beautiful work," he muttered with a smirk. "I scare even myself sometimes," he chuckled at his lame joke, his eyes scanning the unlikely pair now.

"Sloan, she had a superficial laceration," Derek ribbed. He smiled.

"Meredith … may I call you _'Meredith'_?" Mark asked, watching as she nodded her head in assent. "Good … so Meredith, lets remind Dr. Shepherd just exactly whom he called to stitch you up," he challenged, his eyes dancing with excitement.

"The best," Meredith teased, pushing her elbow into Derek's side.

"That's right," Mark cackled.

"Only the best for you," Derek smiled, his boyish charm on full display now as he lost himself in the depths of her eyes.

"You didn't even know me," Meredith pointed out, giggling at his antics while the world fell away for her as well.

"No … I didn't … but –"

"You cared," she murmured, stepping closer, she laced her fingers through his.

"I did," he agreed, squeezing her hand on the truth.

Mark surveyed the pair, seeing now their obvious connectivity. He cleared his throat and snapped the duo back to reality. He smiled broadly. "So … are you two …," his voice trailed off with thoughtful consideration; treading lightly.

"Together?" Derek prompted with a smile as he made eye contact with Meredith.

She smiled too and held him inside the moment for a beat before she turned to Dr. Sloan. "We are," she confirmed, unable to stop a more brilliant smile from forming along her face.

Mark smiled. "Well in that case – _don't let me keep you –_ good thing that board's finally quiet, good night for a date," he surmised evenly.

_Meredith felt Derek's whole demeanor stiffen a the mention of the OR Board – she knew the time he spent here was a double-edged sword – for he both loved and hated his job some of the time; she also knew how consuming this place could be and that … well, it still scared her to death._

"You bet … I'd actually like to get out of here in the morning," Derek commiserated, his heart racing as he did.

He shook his head, praying or a slow night ahead, one where he would have time to put his pen to paper with regards to a couple of projects and proposals he'd been working on for a few weeks now. Things he needed to be out of the OR to wrap up.

"More pressing matters to attend to," Mark ventured with a wry grin.

"You bet," Derek smirked.

"Well … Meredith," Mark began. "You look great, even prettier awake than asleep," he complimented before he pressed his warm hand to her forearm. "No more accidents … okay? Something tells me Derek here couldn't handle it," he ribbed with the smile of a Cheshire cat.

Derek smiled and winked at Meredith. "He's right, you know," he whispered, nudging her side with his elbow this time.

"I'm fine now," she mused, her eyes fixed on his as she focused on all she spied within: _blue, clear, happy._

Mark watched the new couple exchange knowing glances; to the naked eye it would seem as if they had been together for years already _– having already honed their 'silent code' of communication _– they were in-sync … connected. He smiled now as he made his farewell and departed, leaving them to the rest of their time together.

###

_Minutes later, Meredith and Derek walked along the brightly lit hallway en-route to Derek's office by way of the Nurses' Station so he could check on a patient. Meredith's eyes scanned the area in front of her – the looming OR Board still there – Derek came to a stop and got to work while she once again found herself mesmerized by the perfect puzzle of the board – squares of black and white, no shaded areas of 'Grey' – thankfully none etched with 'Shepherd' either. The board was a clean slate of sorts now, nothing more than a tool to track the ebb and flow of surgeries and the optimal use of resources – doctors, procedures, patients – the mix balanced, despite the quiet nature of the beast at the moment. _

_Where were those when she was a child? She pondered this thoughtfully now – where was the concept of the eighty-hour work week when she needed time with her mother – when one hour felt like an entire day … when tick, tick, tick went the clock and nothing ever changed?_

_She took a deep breath of the clinical air that somehow still smelled like 'home' and then she smiled broadly with Derek in mind, realizing now that she would undoubtedly wait for him if given the choice, because he was worth it – even if a night spent alone and without him felt like an eternity, she would wait – and quite possibly until the end of time. She felt his hands on her shoulders; only then did she feel the stress etched into her tendons, her neck tight with tension. _

"What's on your mind?" he asked into her ear, feeling the tension in her shoulders, _rub, rub, rub. _

"Hmm … just … sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same," she mused thoughtfully, her eyes once again moving along the structured black and white landscape of the board.

"Hmm, I suppose that's true …," he sighed, making a sidelong glance _– hard-pressed to miss her perplexed expression_ – she looked like she was drowning, usurped by her childhood memories once again.

_Worry consumed him._

Without another thought, he took her by the elbow and led her down the hallway to his office. He closed the door behind them and all was quiet, only a faint glow of the fluorescent lights in the hallway remained, framing the wooden door. A foghorn blew in the distance, Meredith headed for the large window at the rear of the space to take a look – _the twinkling lights of the city visible there _– Derek followed her, deciding to leave the lights off. He watched her press her warm hand to the cool glass, her eyes as misty as the landscape in front of her.

"Talk to me," he encouraged softly.

_Meredith stared out the window, her eyes moving along the city, socked in with low lying fog, taking in the way the lights sparkled amongst the gray clouds like little diamonds – beacons of life and hope – she sighed and moved her hand along the double-paned window leaving a heated imprint of her long fingers there. _

"Meredith," he breathed, gently coaxing her back to him.

She smiled weakly and blinked back her pooling tears before she turned into him. "How can you be in here, stand it in here?" she wondered aloud. He smiled weakly. "It's suffocating to me," she confessed, searching his eyes. "I feel like the Captain in _"The Titanic"_ – _you know that part in the movie when he stops the clock and then the water floods in all around him –_ do you remember that part? How he just stood there and waited …?" she asked incredulously.

"Yeah … I do," Derek replied with his same smile.

She sighed heavily. "I don't know … all I can think about is my mother … and hiding –_she's everywhere I turn _– all the waiting we did, my father and I …," she breathed, her eyes still scanning his, desperate to _find and seek and keep_ his clarity. "Don't you think there's more to life?" she questioned.

"Yeah … I do," Derek sighed without hesitation, his words repetitious because, yeah … he did know.

"I mean, Richard Webber, he's a shell …," she breathed, shaking her head, she looked away, focusing on the shimmering diamonds of light again.

"A shell …," Derek prompted, waiting for Meredith to continue, knowing that it was likely that she was to come to the same conclusions as he. Smiling, he pressing his lips together while he waited, watching her articulate her thoughts.

_The diamonds sparkled, shimmering on and on, hope, hope, hope._

"Yeah a shell," explained Meredith. "I mean, he used to be larger than life – _now granted I was five and he's a big man_ – but I don't know Derek," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. She kept her eyes transfixed on the city, her hot breath fanning the cool glass. She tried again. "Nothing good can come of spending all your time here – _and I know I don't have all the years of experience like you do_ – but I do know how surgery can be … and add to that the responsibilities of the Chief of Surgery …," she shook her head, daring herself to tell Derek what she really thought of this coveted position and what it might do to their relationship.

Derek kept quiet and found himself waiting for Meredith again – _of course he had his own ideas and he'd be lying if he hadn't reconsidered this position and what it meant to him_ – even more so now that Meredith seemed to be on par with trying this thing with him. Sure, he wanted the job, but his rationale for accepting the offer had little to do with what his life was becoming as of late. Long gone were the lonely, gray and endless days, for now he had someone to come home to and therein he'd found the clarity and fulfillment he needed. Plus, if he had it his way and could make a good case for it – _come June_ – he wouldn't have to just see Meredith at home.

"I'm sorry …," Meredith sighed, intentionally pulling Derek from his thoughts, for she desperately wanted to hear his viewpoint; he shook his head, her heart raced. "It isn't fair of me to say anything, things are probably different now," she recanted unable to face him – _'this isn't your fight' – _came Sissy's voice, her mind wild now, stymied somewhere between the past and present.

"Don't be sorry ... things aren't all that different," Derek muttered, his heart clenching, _pinch, pinch. _

_Meredith sighed, she wasn't this woman – the woman who wanted and expected … well, __anything__ from a man – she wasn't raised to be this woman. And therein her mind was screaming in protest … and yet, her heart was somewhere else … or __with__ someone else. A fever pricked her skin, her cheeks heated; she tucked some flyaway hairs behind her ear. Derek moved closer, his shoulder touching hers, a current of energy passing between them as he did. The back of his hand brushing along hers now before she turned toward him and found the solace of his endless blue eyes. _

She stepped even closer still, reaching up; she cradled his handsome face in her hands. "I worry about you, okay …," she sighed, shaking her head, her fingertips brushing along his the warmth of his stubble- covered cheeks. "And I know our thing is new … I know …," she whispered and he smiled. "I just … I worry about what you might … give up," she breathed, her heart raging now as she carefully surveyed his reaction – _watching for signs of frustration or irritation _– but surprised to find that they never materialized.

"Hmm," Derek smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her, pulsing his lips over hers, trying his best to allay her fears without too many words. "I love that you're worried," he smiled genuinely before he kissed her sweet lips again, relief consuming him as he did. Breathing easier now, he raised her chin and scanned her eyes with his, a glimmer of green there now. "And … I know you're right – _and I have a plan with respect to that, to the Chief thing _– I'm handling it," he mused thoughtfully.

"You are?" she asked, somewhat mystified.

"I am … but Meredith – _I'd be remiss if I didn't remind you that there's good here too you know_ – lives are saved here …," he reminded her, though he knew her propensity to see the darkness within had taken up residence in her mind long ago.

"I know … but for me, what this place dredges up … the loneliness, the longing … it's … I don't know…," her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard. She shook her head. "I feel invisible here," she quivered with admission, her tears slipped free.

Derek did what came naturally and gathered Meredith in his arms then – _rocking her back and forth_ – he held her for a long moment, pressing his lips to her head through her hair, his arms around her shoulders, hers low around his back beneath his lab coat. She held on tight and he even tighter with one thing on his mind – _sustaining their relationship, making it work and tackling his own set of fears _– wondering what might happen once she graduated and potentially moved away.

"Do you know Claire means _'clear'_ in French?" Meredith muttered out of nowhere after a minute – _she pulled back and locked her wavering eyes on Derek's_ – she felt as lost as the young French girl here.

Derek felt his eyes softened then – _he raised his hands and ran his fingertips along the halo of Meredith's hairline_ – he smiled weakly, he of course knew Claire was on her mind most of the time. "You're not though," he offered quietly, raising her chin, he stared at her evergreen eyes. "I see you Meredith," he smiled softly. "Sometimes you're all I see," he confessed, his heart on fire now.

_Meredith closed her eyes then and let this set of waves – this glassy collection of tears splash along her face – seeping under Derek's fingertips before he smoothed them away and began to kiss her senseless. _

"Come on the night's still young," he husked against her mouth _– pulse, nip, suck, pulse, pulse –_ she tasted of cheesecake. "Come with me_ … _I want to take you somewhere," he smiled; pulling away he spied her smile, the clarity returning to her emerald eyes.

###

_Meredith pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the newborn nursery, her hand in Derek's – baby tears crowded her eyes as she watched the new life forces – their tiny faces pink, no signs of cynicism or skepticism, they were new and perfect … no one screwed them up yet, they were angels, miracles. Her heart raced, in near shambles now, her mind on Sissy and Charles and their son, their little Daniel …she was speechless. She sniffled. _

"What are you thinking about?" Derek asked, turning away from the rows and rows of new lives.

"Sissy …," Meredith answered evenly.

He sighed heavily, _crap._ "She told you," he said thoughtfully, draping his arm around his woman. He felt her tremble inside his hold.

"Yes she did … you knew?" she asked, tilting her head with curiosity.

"She told me," he smiled sadly, his conversation with their friend at the forefront of his mind now. "The night of your fever, the night I lost Jonah," he whispered softly into her ear; she leaned into his heat.

"It's so ugly, isn't it?" she tried to articulate, her heart lurched in her throat; she felt suffocated all over again. "I'm heartbroken for her and Charles," she sighed, her breath catching deep in her lungs; she exhaled sharply and then swallowed hard, trying to fathom being here … on this floor … in this ward … and losing … _everything._

Meredith turned into Derek's arms where he kissed her head, walking her backward, back and away from the window and into the darker recesses of the deserted hallway. "I'm glad she told you," he offered softly, she sniffled and kissed the underside of his neck, breathing him in as she did.

"Why?" she wondered, pulling back to find him.

"Because … I don't want secrets between us and because it's important – _it's a facet of her life and it connects you more than you think _– you _need_ each other and you naturally _get _what you need from one another," he deemed pointedly before drawing her near.

_Meredith rested her head on Derek's chest – his heart thumping rhythmically under her ear – she sighed and breathed him in, his hot breath fanning the crown of her head heating her from top to bottom. She sighed and stepped even closer, holding on tight as she reflected on how her relationship with Sissy had changed and pretty much effortlessly too – the intensity of their feelings of loss and abandonment (separate from one another) had absolutely added just another layer of give and take for them – for Sissy it was a way to give unconditionally and for Meredith it was another test in surrendering to the idea of having people around who actually want and care about her. Derek ducked down and kissed her, moving his lips up and down the long column of her neck. _

"I really missed you …," she breathed, tipping her head up. "What you do to me," she sighed before she kissed him fully on the mouth, darting her tongue along his, just as taste, it was all she really needed.

"I missed you too …," Derek replied as he pulled back with a broad smile.

The couple turned back to the babies for one last look. Meredith sighed. "You're right …amazing things happen here too," she mused after a minute – _her eyes scanning over the small sea of babies, some swathed in pink, some in blue _– mostly sleeping, eyes closed, at peace and resting after their arduous journeys. She yawned and then giggled breathlessly.

"You're tired," Derek smiled thoughtfully.

"Getting there," she admitted, looking at the clock on the wall through the window. "Walk me downstairs?" she prompted with a grin.

"I have a better idea," he smirked, draping his arm along her shoulders.

"You do?" she asked, following his lead.

"Lets take the elevator …," he cackled suggestively as Meredith's melodic giggle followed closely behind them.

###

_The couple made it outside – their cheeks still flushed from a heated make-out session in the elevator – the night cooling them down, despite it's warmer, more humid temperament. Just like that it seemed, spring was in full swing, the gray overcast skies somehow more forgiving now, warmer and more refreshingly pleasant – the would-be lovers walked hand in hand – Derek's lab coat trailing him in the wind along with Meredith's mess of blond hair and her breathless giggle. _

With the line of taxis in full view now, Derek tugged on Meredith's hand and pulled her into a small enclave, a concrete column behind them, protecting them from the wind and the lights that adorned the entryway to the hospital – _he wanted one last minute with her_ – he wanted to kiss her goodnight.

"So tomorrow, I'll come for brunch," he said, backing her up against the column. He stepped in between her feet.

"And then …," she countered with a throaty giggle – _her eyes locked on his, blue, clear, brilliant, captivating_ – she pulled him toward her, craving his warmth, the collar of his lab coat fisted in her hands.

"We go home," he smirked, running his thumb along the curve of her bottom lip, still swollen from their kisses, her green eyes sparkled, their intensity so mystifying it almost hurt to look at her.

"And then …," she husked playfully, her heart racing at the mere thought of _'having'_ him all to herself; her clit pulsed, she shifted on her feet and pressed a chaste, open-mouth kiss to his lips.

"I devour you for dessert …," he said thickly against her open mouth, his moan matching hers – _they were in-synch wrapped around each other, trapped in their own variety of heat, balmy night aside_ – it was hot, so hot, his cock stirred, waking up at the mere thought of making her _'his'_.

"Promise?" she managed to ask between pulses, her heart on fire as she breathed him in with every massage of his lips and tongue against hers.

"Promise … you're mine," he panted, pulling away. He smirked, moving to cradle her head in his hands. "All day and all night tomorrow, I want you all to myself …," he mused before he began to kiss her in earnest again.

"If that's how you want me …," she panted, pressing herself to him, her hands in his now unruly hair … _fuck, she wanted him, so badly. _

"Oh … that's how I want you," he flirted, his hand moving under the hem of her sweater, his cooler fingertips coming in contact with her hot, prickly skin.

"I want you too," she sighed, pressing her forehead against his as he set his hand against her ribcage. "I really do," she insisted, staring at his wild blue eyes, their hot breath ricocheting, _in, out, in, out._

"You missed me," he whispered into the heat of their stolen moment, his wet eyes scanning hers.

"And you missed me …," she whispered in that same soft tone, the one she seemed to save just for him. "Kiss me goodnight Derek," she ordered breathlessly.

_And so he did, Derek kissed her again with all he had – he kissed her long and hard – his woman, his everything … because she was here … and because she asked him to … and because he couldn't deny her anything … and because he couldn't see a future without her. _

_And so as they stood together for one more moment in time, his lips moved along hers again and again – goodnight, goodnight, pulse, pulse, moan, moan – he kissed her tenaciously because she was brave and true to herself and he because he had fallen hard for her … and she for him. _

_And as he lost himself in her aura – his heart raced with all of his hopes for the future – because after tonight, he thought there __was__ one … a long one … one that would go on for years and years, a lifetime even … because he missed her and she missed him/_

_And really, her actions said it all and that meant something – especially coming from a woman who didn't believe in love and certainly not the everlasting variety – she did it, she managed to tell him everything he needed to know about her commitment to him and their relationship – because she faced her lonely, gray fears and in doing so, she let go of her past, just enough – and set her sights on the future … with him. _

**Chapter 14 to follow.**


	18. Chapter 14, Red Hot, Part 1 of 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: ****So … thanks for your continued enthusiasm, it means the world to me!**

**Hmm … I wonder, can you see what I saw in my mind's eye here with this piece? Remember Meredith and Derek are transforming themselves in this story – opening themselves up to one another and the ideals of true love – and in the process they have become captivated ... by one another … and by the naked eye. **

**I wonder … can you see it, can you see what or who they have become?**

**Chapter 14 – Red Hot – Part 1 of 3**

Derek Shepherd sighed somewhere deep inside and cringed as he swiped his debit card through the payment terminal and waited, strumming his fingers against the countertop as he did – _heat radiated around his neck, slick sweat found his armpits and his palms now too_ – and it was hot, _when did it get so hot_, he wondered while punching his PIN into the keypad.

He looked up and was about to comment on the freakishly warm weather when he found the formal gaze of the hospital pharmacist, thankfully an older gentleman, staring back at him. He blinked and thought the better of saying anything about the heat – _his cheeks suddenly flushed with embarrassment, nervous prickly heat encroached, up, up, up, hot, hot, hot _– he smiled tightly and with nothing to say, he shook his head and looked down to approve the transaction amount. He was a neurosurgeon and an esteemed one at that, but right this minute, right here _– despite his well-funded bankcard _– he felt like a teenager all over again.

He chuckled and finished the transaction before he raised his eyes once again. The pharmacist handed his contraband to him _– several boxes of condoms, many designed to enhance 'her pleasure' plus some glow in the dark ones, just for fun _– Derek took the bag and picked his briefcase up with a tight smile.

"Thanks," he muttered, thinking now that he should have taken Sloan's advice to pilfer handfuls of the prophylactic devices from the bins down at the clinic, a practice he would gladly take up from now on.

He turned away from the counter when he heard the old man cackle. _"Have fun,"_ came his low, burly voice.

Derek snorted – _'oh, we will' –_ was all he could think as he stepped up his stride and exited the pharmacy, the cooler, yet warmer morning air fanning his heated cheeks now as he made his way to his car.

###

He decided the weather was balmy as he pulled out of the liquor store parking lot, a gust of warmer, humid air pushed its way through the crack of the windows, breezing in and out through a tight wind tunnel _– the air swirled around and around pummeling Derek's face and neck as it did_ – he lowered the windows a fraction more and inhaled a lingering deep breath in an effort to cleanse his lungs of the recycled hospital air once and for all. He smiled and released the breath, turning right; he headed down the last leg of his trip en route to Charles and Sissy's house.

Slowing the car, Derek pulled up in front of the house and turned the engine off – _a faint peek of the sun shone through the overcast skies casting a whimsical spotlight on the front garden wherein the trees and leaves and plants danced with their invisible partners_ – the warm, damp air both refreshing and purposeful. Derek leaned over and smirked, slipping the pharmacy bag into his briefcase now before he pulled two bottles of wine from the liquor store bag – _one red, one white_ – leaving a third bottle, a nice Australian Merlot, for he and Meredith to share later, a fever-chill pricking his spine as he exited the car now, his mind once again filled with lusty images of the day and night ahead.

He engaged the alarm and made his way through the small fragrant garden – _salt, earth, aged pine, lavender and sage swirled together, he inhaled sharply, filling his lungs, taming his wild heart_ – the scattered sprays of bright red poppies catching his attention as he walked on and up to the front porch, taking the steps two at a time now all with a hope in his heart that Meredith was able to sleep and that her run-in with Richard hadn't ultimately shaken her to the core once she had a chance to dissect how she felt about their encounter.

His heart raced as he knocked on the door, a smile still etched along his face when the door opened and Sissy appeared – _her gray bob, ever perfect in its shape, framed her full face_ – the essence of her home wafted out and into the garden now.

"Derek," she cooed with a genuine smile, her eyes twinkling behind her small round spectacles as she checked him over.

"Sissy," Derek smiled, checking her over too.

"Well, don't just stand there you two," came Charles' burley voice, his ruddy happiness still intact. "Let the man in, he's got wine Sis," he chided as he took one of the bottles from Derek to shake his hand. "Always a pleasure, Derek," he smiled warmly.

"The pleasure's mine," Derek smiled before he handed the second bottle to Charles. "So, how'd I do?" he asked shifting on his feet, watching now as the amateur wine connoisseur raised his brow at his selection.

"Brilliant choices," Charles smiled. "Come, come … Meredith is out back," he murmured, instantly noticing the neurosurgeon's more relaxed demeanor – _and so it seemed Sissy was right … Meredith Grey wasn't the only one with more color on her cheeks –_ and she certainly wasn't the only one in love.

Derek followed the duo into the kitchen, easing further into the relaxing atmosphere, light jazz music coming from the small CD player perched on the counter, flavorful aromas infusing with the music creating their own melody _– the place was teeming with energy_ – Sissy smiled and darted into the mud room off of the kitchen while Charles turned around, his eyes dancing with mischief deep inside the silent rhythm now.

"So, which would you prefer to tackle first Derek, red or white?" he asked with a raised brow. He set the bottles down on the counter and grabbed an opener. "Red might compliment our meal better, but … after the week you just had –"

"Oh Charles, for Pete's sake, get the man a drink," Sissy sassed as she sashayed back into the kitchen with a crystal vase. She smiled, meeting Derek's gaze before she set the vase on the counter and began to fill it, arranging an abundant spray of wild flowers, bright, colorful and fresh.

"Red works," Derek chuckled. Charles popped the cork, immediately bringing the open bottle up to his nose. He smiled and set the bottle down to breathe. "Beautiful flowers," he surmised, meeting Sissy's sparkling eyes.

"They are aren't they – _the garden is suddenly overgrown_ – it's the heat, it looks like June out there, it's wild," she mused thoughtfully. Charles chuckled and Sissy turned to find him. He set four crystal goblets down on the counter. "I wanted to get out there yesterday evening but –"

"Instead she humored her old man and went to the playhouse," Charles interjected, holding two filled wine goblets up for Derek.

"Ah so … how were _'The Birds'_?" Derek chided, smirking at Sissy before he turned back to Charles.

He took the goblets from Charles, situating the stems between his fingers, the fragrant wine – _bold, floral and deep crimson-purple_ – wafted up, swirling into the mix, adding yet another element for the senses to capture. A gust of warm air breezed through the open windows and mixed everything together: _warmth, humor, fragrant._

"Brilliant," Charles quipped before Sissy could answer.

Sissy snorted. "And dead and loud," she deadpanned, a wry grin plastered to her face.

Derek shook his head and for a split-second he imagined once again that had his father been alive today, that he and his mother might have been very much like Sissy and Charles – _fine-tuned, comfortable, and very much in love _– he brought one wine glass up to his nose and inhaled, the woodsy, floral undertones of the delicate wine stuck to his nostrils like sweet honey as he smiled.

"She's right … but of course, she's _always _right," Charles cackled playfully.

"I am Derek, I'm always right," she retorted, moving to the backdoor. She turned the handle and pushed, warm air barreled through the doorway. "Why don't you go and join Meredith while we prepare the rest of the meal," she suggested.

Derek stepped toward the door, the breeze pushed against him, moving along his flushed face – _thinking now that with the warm weather and the company (and the promises of an erotic afternoon ahead)_ – the lingering effects of the gray cold hospital and the countless hours spent therein would surely diminish in no time. He sighed and let the wind push against him as he stepped over the threshold and turned around to find his confidant's unwavering gaze. He hedged, holding himself steady as he smiled.

"How is she?" he inquired softly, knowing Meredith might have relayed some, if not all of last night's happenings to _her_ trusted confidant.

"She's wonderful," Sissy assured, mindful not to betray Meredith's trust, but fully aware that the pair seemed pretty well aligned and without secrets. "She's happier than I have ever known her to be," she encouraged, taking in the concerned, yet smitten stance of the man standing before her.

Derek sighed and met the sincerity of Sissy's eyes, focusing on her facets of depth for a brief moment before he spoke. He shifted on his feet, knowing his friend wouldn't betray Meredith's confidence, but certain that she would have been straight with him if his woman was a mess after the shock of running into Richard Webber had a chance to sink in.

"She's remarkably strong," he offered, inhaling a deep breath of the late spring, early-bloom-of summer air.

Smiling genuinely now as the welcome temperate wind pushed against his back while he reflected briefly on Meredith's metamorphosis since they met – _winter to spring, mere months, homeless to welcomed 'home'_ – his heart shook, low and deep as he quietly rummaged through the wreckage of his woman's life – _her mother's attempt on her life, the loneliness that ensued for both mother and child included _– he marveled silently now on all she had been through before that fateful morning when their paths converged.

"And happy," Sissy reminded her young friend, carefully pulling him from his silent reverie. He came around, his eyes bright and blue and thoughtful. "You were lost … both of you," she surmised evenly, venturing a guess to the depths of where his mind had wandered.

"We were," Derek agreed with a tight smile. "And now … she's happy," he repeated, trying to still his heart.

"And waiting … for you," Sissy teased. "Now go, give that girl a drink – _we had to send her outside to pick flowers earlier_ – she could barely sit still … waiting on you," she divulged, her mischievous eyes sparkling now.

Derek felt his cheeks heat and he wasn't sure why. He exhaled and smiled. "Thanks Sissy … for everything," he said softly.

"Don't mention it," she grinned. "You're flushed Dr. Shepherd," she declared as she stared at him. "Dare I say, Meredith isn't the only one who's overheated," she cackled boldly before she let the screen door go, allowing it to slowly close and come between them,_ click, click. _

"You're nuts," Derek chuckled from his side of the door as he stood still.

"Maybe … but I'm also right," she sparred, also standing still.

"_And she's always right!"_ followed Charles' hearty cackle as Sissy disappeared from sight.

Derek snorted and turned around, carefully walking down the porch steps before stepping onto the small pathway where he scanned the lush, overgrown garden, this magical place where the world seemed to stop spinning_ – his heart stilled and he listened while his eyes scanned the enclave, a variety of birds called to one another, a lone butterfly fluttered from petal to bud, it's strong, yet delicate wings flickering, shimmering in the bright light _– his eyes reached the back end of the garden, Meredith was nowhere to be found.

Stepping deeper into the serenity, his eyes roamed far and wide noting that the stone retaining walls were now covered with vines of lavender morning glories, more sprays of bright red poppies had sprung throughout the space – _their black opiate centers cupped by their delicate petals_ – their long stems standing tall and proud, swaying in the gentle warm breeze akin to a small red sea moving within an invisible current, the color popped; the garden was alive.

"Meredith," he called out, his voice moving sluggishly through the thick humid air, _swirl, swirl_.

He stopped turning and waited – _no answer_ – inhaling the sweet air again, he moved, recalling the small private garden around the side of the house as he walked deeper and deeper into his lush surroundings, carefully moving with the crystal goblets, his eyes falling on the stone, moss-covered cherub as he did … still there … still full of the truth of life. Rounding the corner, he made his way to his ultimate destination, sure now that he would find Meredith there … waiting for him.

_He craned his neck now to get a view of the secret garden and put an end to the all the waiting and missing – walking deeper – he finally spotted her, his heart clamored, pounding as she found him where he stood still for a lost beat in time. A smile formed on his face, mesmerized by the way her blond hair framed her beautiful face, her flushed cheeks only accentuated via the deep crimson of her form-fitting sweater. _

_Her delicate smile met her eyes as she fastened those bright and endlessly happy gateways to his, stitch, stitch – she reeled him in, still perched on her seat, leaning back against the subtle swirls of the wrought iron chair – she smiled widely while he watched her cheeks heat in the distant rays of the sun. _

_She was gorgeous, the natural light adding an insane amount of depth and color to her already stunning physique and the wildflowers she had hand-picked lay at her fingertips somehow added a layer of innocence to her he hadn't seen before. She __was__ happy – she was youthful still – for Sissy was right, the stressful events of the evening did not impede her growth on any level: mind, body or spirit. _

_She was an angel … his angel … and he was captivated. _

"Hey," she whispered, her heart pinching with longing as she lost herself in all that Derek did to her.

"Hey," he smiled, feeling the tug of their connection once again, _pull, pull, pull_, the world rotating once again now as he stepped toward her, his gaze never faltering as he set the goblets on the table and sat down next to her.

_Without hesitation Meredith turned halfway around and moved straight into Derek's radiant heat – her eyes still pinned on his irises, so vivid, so intense, so happy, his depth on display within every fleck and layer within – staring at her man, she flanked his flushed, handsome face in her hands and smiled, drawing him closer and even closer still before she leaned in and inhaled a deep breath of his essence, pushing it down and into her lungs for safe-keeping, down, down, down, she stared at him still – searching for the answers she needed – did he miss her … did he crave her as much as she craved him?_

Derek's hot breath fanned her flushed cheeks, his warm skin tingling in response to her touch – _heat, heat, heat, pop, pop, pop, her fiery heat smoldered_ – she giggled breathlessly as he moved his fingertips along her hot flesh – _leaning closer, he brushed his nose against hers, checking her over _– searching her clear, evergreen eyes for the answers he so desperately needed … was her clarity intact … did she miss him … did she want him as much as he wanted her?

"You slept," he announced softly after a minute; she smiled under his palms.

"I did," she breathed, feeling her balance restore now that he was with her. "Kiss me," she ordered hotly before closing her mouth over her lover's.

_Kiss, kiss, breathe, breathe, fresh goose bumps covered her skin, pop, pop, pop, a fever pricked her everywhere – she shifted in her seat, moving even closer to his innate heat, 'mine, mine, mine' her heart chanted softly wherein she responded to that chant without hesitation, her intentions wordlessly made clear now as she opened her mouth to accept her lover's deeper, more penetrating kisses … yes, she listened to her heart with an open mind and let herself become lost inside his blissful hold upon her. _

In need of oxygen, Derek pulled back and locked his wild eyes with Meredith's, licking his lips, he found himself leaning in again – _wherein she once again wasted no time, kissing him fully on the mouth _– making out with him in the way that she too craved him, the sweetness of her lips infusing with the fragrant garden almost masking his every sense now as he mindlessly brushed his lips against hers, soft and quick – _pulse, pulse, darting his tongue along hers, massaging, sucking intensely, his fingertips twirling through her abundant locks _– where he held on tight in an effort to keep them both in the moment a little longer, _'more, more, more',_ his heart chanted silently as her moan passed between them, shaking him to his core.

Pulling back, he found her again – _panting, breathless, her green eyes sparkling brilliantly and just as wildly as his –_ she looked ethereal, really it was the only way to describe her. He stilled his beating heart, staring at his woman – _watching the apples of her cheeks heat_ – healthy and flushed … for him.

"Crimson …," he mused, still somewhat mystified by what he did to her. He smiled weakly, his heart pounding as he ran his thumb along the full crescent of her swollen bottom lip.

"What about it?" she breathed, holding him near – _watching the sparkle of his eyes intensify –_ his hot breath fanning her flushed cheeks.

"Your sweater – _crimson,_ _it's one of your colors_ – looks so good on you," he breathed with his own soft smile, watching now as the blush of her cheeks intensified under his scrutiny. "Hmm …," he smirked, unable to stop himself from running his fingers along her heated flesh. "There go your cheeks again …," he teased, brushing his nose against hers before he kissed her mouth, _once, twice. _

"Mine aren't the only ones," Meredith replied as she pulled back, cupping his handsome face in her hands, she smiled, locking her eyes with his. "You're blushing too … are you okay?" she asked before she kissed his face, pulsing her lips over the hot plane of his cheek.

Derek chuckled, nodding to his woman – _his hot cheeks on full display now_ – the relentless heat coursing through his veins no match for his bravado. He smiled as his eyes shared an erotic dance with hers while time truly fell away and the clock all but stopped while visions for their afternoon ahead filled his mind and his heart with a steady even flow of everything he ever wanted with her – _fuck, she was hot, his cock twitched igniting a line of gunpowder that spread heat through his body without recourse_ – a smile spread across his face; he was melting right out of his skin.

Meredith watched Derek shift in his seat; a playful smile spread along his face, one that lodged itself deep within his eyes. "What?" she teased – _her breath ricocheting back and forth, heat, heat, heat –_ her eyes scanned his with the same rhythmic beat of her heart now for she was breathless and hot. She pulled back, her curiosity evident when he remained silent.

_Silent, but unrelenting in his pursuit for intimacy, he moved closer now, zeroing in on his pray – sex appeal dripping from his every pore – his masculine, woodsy essence infusing with the sweet fragrant garden as his stare became so intense that heat pooled in Meredith's core and her desire for him began to ease beyond her womanhood._

_Within her searing intensity, she crossed her legs in an effort to add pressure to her clit, the groove of her pussy wedged between the goldenrod seam of her jeans – she inhaled a large breath of their heat, seeking refuge from her wild physical response to her man – turning slightly in her seat to do just that, she took another deep breath and focused on the square frame of the mud room window until she promptly closed her eyes and tipped her head back where she felt Derek's hot breath fan the long line of her neck, heat, heat, heat. _

"Talk to me," she managed to say between the fanning pulses of his breath against her neck.

"Hmm," he moaned, looking up toward the window, he pulled his chair closer and kissed the underside of Meredith's neck just below her earlobe, she raised her shoulder in response, a fever-chill pricking her arrow-straight spine. "I went to the pharmacy before I came here …," he whispered thickly. Meredith shifted, leaning back and into him. "Condoms," he husked with a breathless chuckle, the heat between them swallowing him whole now and not because he was embarrassed, but just because of the hilarity and the heat of it all. "Boxes of them …," he intimated; smoothing her hair back and away from her neck before he kissed her nape.

_Meredith's head flew back and her throaty giggle floated up and into the thick air – a vision of Derek at the pharmacy with his flushed face, raking his hand through his ebony locks funneled through her mind – her heart racing now as she felt his mouth pulse on her neck, a smile on his lips as he cackled with her. _

She turned halfway around then, peeking up and into Derek's eyes from under her long lashes, her secret smile etched along her beautiful features. "We don't need them …," she whispered with her same smile.

"We don't?" he asked with a smirk, leaning closer.

"Hmm, no," she smiled coyly. "I don't want anything between us," she breathed – _her voice shaking to the erratic beat of her heart as she spoke _– setting her palms against his face in an effort to steady herself.

Derek pressed his lips together and titled his head, regarding Meredith for a lost beat in time. He smiled, wondering where her head was "Not even a thin layer of latex …," he ventured softly, leaning closer, he brushed his lips against hers.

She deepened their kiss, brushing her tongue against his, massaging his nerves with hers. "Nothing," she answered firmly against his open mouth, flanking his skull with her long fingers wherein she effortlessly commanded control over their union.

"Jesus Meredith," he muttered, his hands moving through her wild tresses – _the heat humming between them _– his heart beating in tandem with the pulsing rhythm of her ministrations.

She drew him near, slowing her rhythm before she pulled back, just barely, just enough to lock her eyes with his. "We don't need them," she husked, pressing her forehead to his.

"Hmm, fuck …nothing but _'us'_ …," he suspired, a fever-chill pricking his spine at the thought. He kissed her soft and quick. "God, you have no idea how much I want you … just _'us'_ … but we should –"

"No buts," she argued, pressing her open mouth over his, putting an end to his logical protests, her tongue dancing with his, mating, making love. "No condoms," she insisted, silencing him with her talented mouth. "I'm clean … and you _know _that," she reminded him, catching a glimpse of his wild, blue eyes – _the distant heat from the sun draped along their shoulders akin to a warm blanket _– his hands submersed in her hair, she stared at him, willing him to remember those early days when they first met one another.

Keeping his eyes trained on his woman, he titled her head in his hands and watched the overcast light do this trick with her eyes – _staring into gateways, he found the sparkling flecks of mystery and intrigue_ – those flecks that had been there from the very first moment she opened her eyes and found him and then he thought for a moment _– that he did __know__ that, that she was whole and healed and had always been clean_ – for it wasn't too long ago that he was her doctor and with that charge he ran every test in the book on her whist trying to make a diagnosis.

"You're clean … and so am I …," he confirmed wistfully, still unsure of how she planned to avoid an unwanted pregnancy – _something that, while if he let his wild mind soar, he might surely want with Meredith Grey one day –_ something he knew they would have all the time in the world to create and prepare for a blessing of that magnitude.

"You don't remember," Meredith ventured softly. He shook his head _'no'_ and she only smiled wider at his admission. She took a deep breath. "Come closer," she whispered, further submitting to his heat. "Hmm, remember back when you were just the brilliant Dr. Shepherd who took care of me when we first met?" she asked softly as a warm breeze moved around the corner carrying with it the floral essence of the garden; the leaves rustled overhead.

"I do, feels like a lifetime ago …," he sighed heavily, his mind vacillating back to the complexity of their initial meeting and how Meredith tipped the scale of his life, but somehow managed to even everything out in the process.

"I does," she agreed, staring into the deep blue wells of his eyes. "There was a lot of unknowns at the beginning … and I needed to get back on track …get regular," she mused, watching a glimmer of recognition rise to the top of the well. She smiled and drew him near. "No condoms," she insisted with a whispered just for him. "You and the nutritionist put me on birth control … don't you remember …," she sighed, lost somewhere between where they started and where they ended up.

Derek smiled broadly and rested his forehead against his woman's. "I did recommend that, didn't I … to regulate your cycle …," he mused, breathless from making that journey again, the one that reminded from whence they came.

"You did …," she solidified quietly, her eyes surely twinkling now.

"I amaze even myself sometimes …," Derek cackled into their heat before he kissed her soft and quick.

"Hmm … me too … see, nothing but _'us'_ … just _'us'_," she husked against his open mouth_, pulse, pulse, hot, hot, more, more … more_, she knew now that there was no way she would ever get enough of him _or_ what he did to her.

"Yeah …just _'us'_," he agreed, his mind as wild as his heart now _– just 'them'_ – he knew now that all he would ever need would be … just _'them'_.

###

Sissy heard Derek's hearty chortle and peeked through the window in front of her – _smiling when she spotted the new couple, oblivious to the world and the lush garden all around them, sipping their deep red wine, the color no match for their flushed features –_ the wild flowers overgrowth behind them, bees bouncing from flower to bud … pollinating … germinating … mating.

_Charles stepped into the room and rested his head on his woman's shoulder – her sweet familiar essence waffled up and cloaked him just as it always did – he took a deep breath and thought to ask what stopped her cold the way she was, lingering there despite their hungry guests, but then the chiffon curtain billowed in the warm wind and he spotted what had her so captivated, or should he say 'who'? He smiled and kissed the baby soft skin of her neck just underneath the curt line of her bobbed hair. _

"Looks like they want to eat each other up," he cackled intimately, stepping closer, he stealthily moved the curtain aside to get a better look.

Sissy giggled – _for he was right_ – not only were Meredith and Derek madly in love, but a blind woman would have been able to tell that they wanted one another, in the truest sense of how lovers really wanted one another. She smiled and craned her neck up, without thinking she reached for her camera on the high shelf there.

"She would die a thousand deaths if she knew I was doing this," she murmured as she turned the camera on and looked through the lens to focus on her point of inspiration.

"It's a beautiful shot," Charles replied thoughtfully. "It really does look like June out there," he mused, titling his head thoughtfully.

_Smiling once again at how happy it made him to see Sissy so invested in Meredith (and Derek for that matter), for it was no secret that she needed a relationship like this, her instinctual need to 'mother' too great and too wonderful not to be cherished and loved and needed by … someone. _

_The shutter reset – his wife snapped several photos in rapid succession now – her keen eye focused on the moment, Meredith's rosy cheeks on display, her right hand tucked inside Derek's right hand as he leaned in and so did she, his left hand on her hip, cradling her there ... his eyes resting on his woman as he spoke to her in a hushed tone – his private, intimate words – his gateways glistening and sparkling in the bright overcast light while she listened and looked straight ahead perhaps dreaming of the future. _

"I think I got what I wanted," Sissy declared softly after a minute as she pulled her eye away from the lens and leaned back, depositing herself deep inside of her man's heat.

'_I think you did too,' Charles answered without words, moving his hands up and down Sissy's arms, shoulder to elbow where they connected for a stolen moment in time. He smiled and squeezed his wife's shoulder blades – her tension fell away as he massaged her there – the oven chimed; his stomach growled: his paella was finished. _

"Well, that's our cue," he smiled and kissed Sissy's neck one more time before he moved the curtain aside with hand. "You two ready to eat?" he recklessly called out into the garden.

_Wherein Derek's hearty cackle promptly filled the fragrant air and Meredith sought refuge from his antics by pressing her nose into the crook of his neck, her heated cheeks concealed as she leaned into her man while her stifled giggle twirled into the air, dancing in harmony with his gaiety. _

"See, I told you," Charles whispered into Sissy's ear.

_She snorted and turned around to face him – he tilted his head and smirked – pressing a chaste kiss to each of her flushed cheeks before he slipped out of the room and headed to the oven to rescue his paella._

**Chapter 14 – Red Hot – Part 2 of 3 to follow. **


	19. Chapter 14, Red Hot, Part 2 of 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for your patience in waiting for chapters for this story, please try to remember to tell me what you think, thanks again for reading!**

**Chapter 14 – Red Hot – Part 2 of 3**

Meredith took the last bite of her flan – _the smooth, creamy custard coated her throat and she resisted the urge to moan aloud at just how good the dessert was_ – smiling now, she swallowed the last of the residual spiciness from the paella, reaching for her wine goblet as she did. She took a deep breath of the fragrant air and swirled the half glass of chilled dark red dessert wine around and around – _the bold and crisp, yet sweet essence of the Lambrusco filled her nostrils_ – she smiled in appreciation before she took another sip, cleansing her palate with the tiny, refreshing bubbles, those microscopic vibrations that breezed into her nose and filled her mouth, cooling her down while pricking her already flushed cheeks with heat.

She pressed her cool hand to her hot cheeks before she took another sip of the divine liquid, further intensifying her senses as she sat back and moved her eyes over her people – _the comfortable threesome also flushed with heat and gaiety _– and full of consumption; their raw happiness becoming more evident with each bite of food and sip of wine they partook. Sitting back, Meredith watched them now, listening to their lively debate about the next round of films in the queue on the AFI list. Before long, the focus of conversation moved on to the Hitchcock marathon again, a topic that was quickly thwarted by Sissy as Charles and Derek's analytical praise for the legendary films were no match for her playful retorts.

"You know Derek, the AFI publishes many different lists," Sissy interjected with a raised brow. She took a sip of her wine and winked at the relaxed surgeon.

"Oh boy," Charles snickered from his seat, leaning forward; he added another bit of wine to everyone's goblet.

"It's true," she smiled, this time turning to Meredith. "And I think you two should switch lists," she announced, locking her eyes with her young _passionate _friend's.

"Oh boy," Charles cackled, his eyes darting from Meredith to Derek and back again.

"So … there's a better suited list for us?" Meredith inquired, meeting the playful intensity of Sissy's eyes, silently egging her on.

"Oh yes," she mused, her lips pursed on the rim of her wine goblet as her eyes danced between the young would-be lovers. "There's one called _'100 Years, 100 Passions'_," she quipped, raising the stakes.

"One hundred passions," Derek mused, flicking his eyes to Meredith's – _dark green, smoldering pools of reflection stared back at him_ – he watched her cheeks blush.

"Yes," Sissy sighed wistfully. She took a sip of her wine; cool, refreshing, _bubble, bubble._ "Subtitled as _'America's Greatest Love Stories'_ … it's quite a list," she added reflectively, her eyes locked on her husband's.

"Love stories," Meredith repeated as evenly as she could before a wild giggle escaped from her lips.

_Her cheeks were bright red in an instant as three pairs of eyes stared at her – she smiled, quite bemused by her situation – for it was quite obvious to everyone that something big was developing between she and Derek and well, the fact was that she had grown pretty used to Sissy's playful suggestiveness on the topic, for it was no secret that she wanted Meredith to pursue Derek (and vice-versa)._

_But love? _

_Love was a different story and to insinuate … love … love … her raucous giggle escaped again at the thought – for it was true, she was giddy and truly, madly – falling hard and fast for Derek Shepherd._

_But love? It was the craziest thing. _

_As crazy as how hot her cheeks were and how suddenly drunk she felt from the wine … and everything else. She smiled sheepishly, heat covered her like a damp, hot blanket; she giggled again, unable to tether herself – the release of her stress from the evening before coupled with the intoxicating meal and conversation – all catching up with her now in a hot flash of unstoppable giggles._

Derek watched his woman; his eyes locked on her watery ones with her melodic giggle floating in the air, dancing and twirling with the hot wind. Leaning closer, he rested his hand along her forearm, his eyes wet now too as he began to laugh – _her infectious giggle ricocheting between them_ – he cupped her face in his hands, staring at her as he landed upon a new echelon of his feelings for her: _love; he loved her._

He knew this now as he completely lost himself inside her lust-filled mint green eyes – _he loved her, pure and simple_ – his heart pinching low and deep on the sentiment, rooting itself there for all time.

He knew this now just as he would remember this cherished moment for all the rest of his days – _he was in love with her – _and where it mattered most: _deep within his mind's eye where he couldn't envision a future without her. _

Leaning forward, he closed the microscopic distance between them, feeling the tug of the fishing line and the instinctual need to kiss her – _her giggle vibrating off of her lips and onto his now –_ he brushed his lips against hers, soft and quick, a couple of tiny pulses was all it took. Nerve to nerve (he melted inside), mouth to mouth (he was resuscitated) –_ the magical garden, Sissy and Charles and the world all around them fell away_ – down and away as they breathed into one another before he pulled back slightly and found her eyes.

She smiled and he pressed his forehead to hers, checking her over, searching for signs of uncertainty, but instead he was met with her bright red cheeks and her happy and healthy physique – _she was invested_ – he took a deep breath and found himself drawn to say it, _'I love you, I'm in love with you'_, but he blinked instead, choosing to breathe in tandem with her, his mind catching up with his heart now and just in the nick of time.

"You're happy," he muttered, still lost within the depths of her watery gaze.

"I am," she mused, her hands flanking his skull, she leaned closer.

"It's infectious," he countered playfully.

"It better be," she giggled, completely infatuated with the way he made her feel.

Charles cleared his throat and the new couple turned to find him. He smiled broadly and so did his wife while her bouncing eyes found his. "I suggest you start at the top of the list," he chuckled, quite certain his wife was indeed right about Meredith and Derek, they were a love story in the making. "It's been a while since we've seen _'Casablanca'_, Sis," he mused.

"It has been," she smiled, her eyes twinkling with reflection. "Beats the pants off of Hitchcock any day," she teased, just because.

"That it does …it's the stuff of legends," he sighed thoughtfully as he locked his eyes on Derek's. "Here's looking at you … _kids_," he smirked, doing his best Humphrey Bogart impression. He raised his goblet up to toast.

_Meredith smiled and brought her goblet up too, followed by Derek and Sissy and then, just like that, it seemed they were toasting to the young couple's future and their legendary love story in the making. _

###

"Don't move," Meredith whispered to Derek as they stood in the foyer later. "Not even … _your_ muscle," she husked, stepping into his personal space, bumping her hip against his groin.

"Hmm," he moaned, pinning his fists to her hips, taking advantage of the stolen moment.

Meredith pulsed her lips over Derek's before she turned out of his arms and headed upstairs to gather her things. He watched her go, his eyes fastened to her ass as the way her jeans seemed to hug her perfectly there – _low and tight_ – and leaving everything to his imagination. He titled his head and watched her disappear into the darkness – _damn, she was hot – _and suddenly all he could think about was how much he wanted her; his core smoldered, his cock chuckled aloud in response, still dazed by how Meredith made him feel, he scoffed and shook his head.

Sissy cleared her throat behind him – _he smirked and turned around to find her_ – knowing the astute older woman definitely knew where his mind was – _deep inside his trailer, finally alone with Meredith _– shrouded beneath a horny, porny haze of their own making. His cheeks heated and he cleared his throat, a smile still etched along his face.

"I told you she was happy," Sissy assured, looking up the flight of stairs.

"She is," Derek agreed, following her gaze.

_Sissy shifted on her feet and kept her eyes trained in front of her, trying her best now to do as she and Charles agreed she would – to ignore her maternal impulse to pry – except that now as the perfect opportunity had presented itself, she wondered how she might resist the temptation to just ask Derek what his plans were with respect to Meredith and their future, for June was right around the corner and decisions needed to be made._

"Thank you … for today Sissy … and for last night too," Derek said after a minute. He stepped closer to his friend and followed her gaze up the stairs … still waiting, anticipating. He took a deep breath. "Finding her in the hospital like that last night was …," his voice trailed off, he shook his head.

"Solidifying?" Sissy ventured, tilting her head, she finally met his eyes.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I … I like to think it speaks to her commitment," he mused thoughtfully.

"And what of your commitment?" she asked boldly, her eyes never wavering as she dared herself to ask for clarification on where he stood with respect to his relationship with Meredith.

"I'm committed," Derek answered firmly, titling his head. He smiled. "You must know that …," he assured, deciding to step deep into the trenches of Sissy Marc's maternal embrace around his woman.

"I do … but … there's always a _'but'_, Derek," she sparred, nudging him with her hip. "And I just want to know where your uncertainty lies … you know as well as I do that a lot could change for the two of you come June," she stated evenly –_well aware that she had not thrown the man for a loop _– for she was quite certain he had already pondered what the coming of June might mean for them.

"June … it always seemed so far away," Derek sighed and then he smiled and turned to face his friend. "How is it that you can read me like a book?" he smirked.

"I'm well-read," she answered without missing a beat.

Derek chuckled. "You better be, given your profession," he teased and then he sighed. "Look … June is huge for Meredith and I won't lie, I have some ideas of my own … ideas of what I would like to see happen … but …," he chuckled, his gaze fixed on hers. She blinked and smiled.

"See … there's always a _'but'_," she teased.

"I guess you're right … and I _know_ –"

"I'm always right," she chided with a smirk.

"Right," he chuckled. "And … as much as I want Meredith …," he said softly, feeling his cheeks heat at his choice of words; Sissy caught on and giggled wherein he could only roll his eyes. He tried again. "As much as I want her to stay here, with _me_ in Seattle … I also want her to be able to choose the best offer for her fellowship," he said, voicing his opinions and his reservations at the same time. "There's just too much at stake here for her to choose anything less than the best," he thought aloud.

"And what makes you think that _you_ aren't her best choice Derek?" Sissy asked pointedly, finally razzing him the way she wanted to in the first place.

Derek smiled at her bravado. "I want what's best for her Sissy… she deserves the _best _…," he said seriously and then he cocked his head, waiting for all of the pieces to click into place for her.

"She does, I won't argue with you, I just think you're overlooking her feelings for you," Sissy suggested, her heart tight at the thought of Meredith moving away from Derek (and her and Charles).

Derek smiled and stepped closer, darting his eyes up the stairs quickly before he focused on Sissy again. "I'm not … and you have to believe me when I tell you that our feelings for one another … what's best for her – _or what I hope will be her best offer_ – will come … from me … _and_ from Seattle Grace," he whispered, watching clarity move over Sissy's watery eyes.

"You have some ideas … you have a plan for June," she clarified with a broad smile, staring at him in quiet awe.

"I do, I'm making some changes and some suggestions … and I hope … I hope we'll come in at the top of her list … the best choice," he smiled, pressing his hand to her forearm as she leaned into him and finally released her sigh of relief.

###

Derek cracked the driver's side window down and inched closer to Meredith, the fresh, salty air funneled inside, cooling the hot capillaries set along his cheeks. He kissed his woman's neck and she rolled her head to face him, still giddy and gorgeous from their afternoon of flirtatious debauchery.

"Hmm, you smell good," he husked playfully.

She snorted and found his eyes. "I think you smell the paella Charles packed for us," she retorted, staring at his intensity, she began to giggle. "You look like you want to eat me," she cackled into their private space.

"Oh, but I do," Derek teased, brushing his lips along his woman's.

She tasted of wine, red and chilled, vanilla custard and spicy red peppers – _the car windows fogged over with condensation _– Derek breathed, pulsing his lips over hers, _in, out, in, out – hot, steamy air, sweet, yet spicy, salty, organic and raw _– the fragrance was divine, it was Meredith and what she did to him and he was convinced there would never be enough of her essence to satiate his craving … his longing … his innate desire for her.

"If that's what you want," Meredith husked against her lover's open mouth.

"You know what I want," he replied, pulsing his tongue against hers, she turned into him; his hands found her skull where he held her in place.

"Hmm … tell me … what do you really want?" she whispered, leaning further onto her jackknifed knee, her hands flanked his handsome cheeks.

"For this thing to move faster … to get home … to be alone," he sighed into their heat, holding on tight as he peppered her exposed neck with hot, sticky kisses.

"Hmm," Meredith moaned. "What else … ," she prompted before she kissed him senseless.

"This …," he whined, tugging at the hem of her sweater. "I want this red, hot … thing off of you," he said, they moved even closer to one another, the air was hot, almost stifling now.

"Hmm me too," she whispered hotly.

_Boldly taking his hands; she slipped them under the hem of her sweater, setting his palms over her pert breasts where he wasted no time before his nimble fingers massaged her nipples through the lacy demi-cup of her black satin bra – a fever chill ripped up her spine – she became pliant in his arms … her mind went blank … her pussy pulsed. She wanted him – this man who tipped her to the side – she wanted him more than she wanted anything or anyone ever in her life. She needed him; her heart and soul and everything in between ached for his touch. _

"I want you … so badly," Derek whispered. "I need you … need," he husked, his lungs literally short on oxygen from his desire for her.

"Oh Jesus," Meredith muttered; she was lost, completely consumed by him. The boat could have capsized and it wouldn't have fazed her. "Hmm … so many ways to do this," she mumbled into his mouth, his talented thumbs massaged her nipples, around and around he went. "Slow … fast … it's been so long … for me," she whined, moving her hand down to his cock where palmed his bulge. "And you … you're … so hard for me … could be so fast," she breathed, hardly able to speak through her want for him.

"So long and hard, fuck," he breathed, suddenly wishing he was the type of man who didn't care about privacy, he wanted to take her, right here in the car! In broad fucking daylight – _for once, he didn't want to wait_ – he just wanted to feel what he did to her. "I can't wait …," he muttered, so deep inside his porny haze now that he popped the top button of her jeans open – _he felt her tremble in his arms, a breathless gasp fell from her lips _– he grounded himself, pulsing his lips over hers again and again as he rested his fingertips along the top of her lacy panties, tempting fate. "Hmm … so close … I might just have to –"

"Take me …hard … fast … make me yours," she husked, palming his cock, her heart raced.

_She wanted him. It was as simple as that – she wanted him and it was animalistic, instinctual – it had nothing to do with intellect! Her mind was long gone, for her body had taken over, giving her cue after cue – her heart raced, her cheeks heated – her pussy pulsed, slick and ready for him. She could barely breathe, in, out, in, out … into his mouth until her eyes closed in bliss and all she could do was drown in a sea of his searing hot kisses. _

"Jesus … you're mine … yes …," Derek answered, his heart racing, his cock chanting with his brain, _'mine, mine'. _He pulled her closer, one hand on the back of her head, the other still caressing her engorged pleasure point, _rub, rub._ "I want … I want you hard and fast – _hmm, believe me, I do_ – I want you … but Meredith …," he panted, pulling away, he found her wild eyes under her thick lashes; he pressed his forehead to hers and breathed.

"No _'buts'_ Derek," she whispered_, hot, hot._ "I already said no _'buts'_," she insisted, kissing him slower now in an effort to calm her raging heart.

"I just … don't want to waste … you," he husked, his tone serious, his eyes soft around the edges.

She smiled and felt her heart simmer down. "We have plenty of time … lots of … time," she promised. "I'm in this thing …," she smiled, her core smoldering at the intensity of his eyes. "I'm not going … anywhere," she breathed, allowing herself to get lost in him once and for all. "And I really want you …," she reminded him, her fingertips grazing the waistband of his jeans.

"Hmm, me too … I want you," he pressed his forehead evenly to hers. "I'm not going anywhere either," he assured, trying to finish his thoughts without saying too much. She blinked and so did he. "I want it all … with you … and I just want to …," he smiled, sucking in a deep breath of their air.

"Remember …," she ventured, also breathless from their exchange.

"This time … yeah, especially this time with you…," he intimated, his voice cracking slightly.

"Me too … I want to remember …," she smiled, knowing in her heart that this time for her, would be different. Tears stung her eyes. "For the first time in my life Derek … I swear I want to remember …," she confessed softly.

_And years later, they would – they would still remember that afternoon in Sissy's garden – and all of the intimacy and discovery that followed when they finally returned to the trailer alone … but together … forever. _

**Chapter 14 – Red Hot – Part 3 of 3 to follow.**


	20. Chapter 14, Red Hot, Part 3 of 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Thank you for your patience in waiting for updates for this story. Now, a dear friend of mine told me she thought I might scare a fair share of you with my posting of this next part, for it is our belief that erotica inhibits some people to the point where they might not comment. **

**That said, this fic will be changed to an M Rating now and should you be old enough to continue reading, please try not to let this be a deterrent to your willingness to communicate with me, send a PM if you so choose, just ... try to continue with your feedback, it means so much to me.**

**Additionally, if you have not subscribed for an ALERT with this story (or used an author alert for me), then this fic will no longer show up on the main list, you will have to do a filter for stories with an M rating to find out if there is an update, so ... sign up for an alert so you can be informed of new chapters, because even though every update from here on out is not sussy ... the fic rating will not change. **

**Thanks and enjoy.**

**Chapter 14 – Red Hot – Part 3 of 3**

The air inside the trailer was hot – _God only knew how that happened overnight, Derek yanked his shirt off and tossed it onto the sofa, her heard the toilet flush as he opened the window behind the kitchen sink_ – fresh afternoon air tumbled inside, cooling his fever-pricked skin … _salt, earth, pine …he was home. _

Bending down, he opened the mini-fridge and pulled a large bottle of water from within. Holding the door open with his knee, he set the bottle on the counter and grabbed a glass before he bent over again and filled the tumbler with ice cubes. Standing up, he kicked his shoes off followed by his jeans and took the bottle and the glass with him, setting them on his bedside table before he opened the large window behind the bed; the stifling air was sucked out via the new breezeway. The bathroom door clicked behind him and he turned around.

"Everything was soaked," Meredith declared. "I'm soaked," she smirked, standing inside the triangle of light spilling into the space from behind her.

_She grinned and stood there in front of her man, completely nude and free of barriers now, her unruly arousal pooled at her slit, her burgeoning want for him slipping beyond her folds while the crisp air assaulted her exposed nerves there. Her flesh reacted the temperature change with a feral covering of fresh goose skin – her nipples woke up and stood at attention – the nerves tightening, filling with blood and energy, all made of their own desire for his touch. She watched Derek swallow hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, once, twice before he swiftly and came to stand in front of her. _

"It's what I do to you," he whispered with a wicked smile, taking in the curvaceous silhouette of her nude body and the insane way it magnified her already stunning beauty. He locked his eyes with hers wherein he found her clarity …_ ready and waiting for him_.

Her chest heaved and he reached for her, stepping into her personal space without thinking twice or looking back – _her hand found his chest, she pressed down evenly, perhaps in search of his rhythm; he felt his muscle go nuts for her touch_ – he flanked her warm skull with his hands, his fingertips nestled deep inside her wild locks now as he held her hostage, right where he wanted her. She swallowed hard and stepped in between his feet _– the heat of her womanhood radiated from her core_ – her pert nipples cutting across his chest … they were so close.

With no space between them, the lovers kissed, acknowledging their desires by moaning in appreciation for one another and for everything they were about to finally do – _consummate this thing of theirs_ – completely unhindered and uninhibited now with their eyes and hearts and minds fully engaged and set upon their task.

_Meredith's legs buckled – her sex filled the air, both sweet and spicy, made from all that Derek did to her – the first ping of orgasmic bliss claimed her then, ping, ping, slick heat gathered at her seam. She struggled to breathe, her every nerve on fire now as his mouth found her neck where he sucked on her pulse point, moving his talented tongue over her fever-pricked skin with skilled precision, a gasp falling from her swollen lips as he began to massage her puckered nipples with his thumbs._

_She called his name but he only swallowed that call with his mouth – making love to her there, kiss, kiss – he took the last of her wits, his mouth dipped lower, his tongue brushing along her engorged flesh – flick, flick, suck, suck – he moaned onto her flesh, her heart pounded into her ears, beating in tandem with the vibration of his desirous hum. _

_She wanted him, this was her only lucid thought now as she pulled the hot cavern of his mouth from her nipple – holding his head steady before she kissed him long and hard – wordlessly grounding herself as she pulsed her lips over his with reckless abandon before she pulled back and locked his wild blue eyes on hers._

_She had no words, no way to define how fast her heart beat for him and what he did to her – he had consumed her, in the last several days, he had all but become her lifeline – and somewhere along that line, she had realized she couldn't run or hide from his all-seeing eyes and the way he consumed her so … so … she succumb to him and to her own desires for him and therein, he had become 'it' for her … he had become her 'everything'. _

_She smiled as he stood there and waited for her next move, his clear eyes vacillating, anticipating, and she could tell … he would have stood there forever, wondering what the hell was on her mind. Lost within his apparent idolization, Meredith dropped her hands and inched Derek's boxers down, releasing his cock into her hands; she stroked him, once, twice; a low moan escaped from his lips and hot tufts of his desire ricocheted between them. She pulled him even closer, releasing her grasp on him while she kissed and kissed him – pinning her fists to his hips now, his cock nestled between their abdomens, hard, ready and all hers – she pulled back and took a deep breath, panting into their heat akin to a wild animal … because she was … wild … about him, for him … she was wildly in love with him. _

_Her eyes became wet, unkempt emotion welling there, on display for him now as her heart shimmied and trembled on this truth: there was no denying her love for him. She sucked a deep breath of their air into her lungs; it was stacked, she was breathless. She swallowed hard before she dared herself to speak. _

"No foreplay Derek," she pleaded breathlessly, finally moving; she covered her mouth over his again in earnest. "The last few days were wait enough," she admitted into his warmth, setting her palms over his chest; his large hands firmly palmed her tush.

_She smiled and began to back him up, moving him toward the bed. Her eyes narrowed – she wanted him, she loved him – leaving no questions between them now as she took control, speaking to him again when the backs of his knees bumped against the edge of the bed … she had captured him; he had no where to go. _

"I just want you … what you do to me," she husked. "And … I want you to feel it," she muttered, her vaginal muscles pulsing now, racing right along with her heart.

Derek smirked, completely turned on by her bravado. She stepped closer, he had no where to go, his steely rod still trapped between their bodies – _their flesh and blood and nerves, hot, sticky, smoldering for one another _– he palmed her perfect tush before he ducked down and captured one of her rosy nipples between his teeth, latching on, his pursed his lips around her pleasure point and sucked and kissed and kissed and sucked where the taste of her skin alone made him want to cum.

He heard a breathless gasp fall from her lips as he pulled her closer, pulling her toward him with both hands, his cock bobbing between them; their abdomens massaging his shaft, _roll, roll_ –_ God she felt good, what she did to him, felt so good – _precum breached his opening and he felt his sticky sex on his skin as his cock moved between them again, _roll, roll –_ _his mouth still feasting on the bountiful flesh of her breasts, suck, suck, pull, bite, nip, suck – _his mind still trapped somewhere deep in the trenches of all that they did to one another.

Reflexively, his hips bucked forward, but Meredith only held him tighter, raising her foot along the edge of the bed, wordlessly opening her hips for him wherein he seized the opportunity and tested her natural inclination for him – _snaking his hand between their humming bodies, he gently massaged her sticky, plump folds with his fingertips _– her fat little clit already poised to reveal itself, he brushed his thumb over her smoldering nerves, tamping her fire out while bringing her to a whole new level of heat.

She wanted him and it was animalistic _– the stuff of surviving_ – he knew this now as she flexed her hips up for him and he slid his middle finger into her depths and pulsed, slow and easy, long and hard, _pulse, pulse_, her hot flesh and sinuous nerves milking his finger in response – _she became pliant in his arms, her ardent gasps of pleasure only fueling their fire_ – she needed him, pure and simple.

"Hmm, you're so wet for me," he growled against her open mouth, his tongue mating with hers as he matched the tempo of his mouth with his finger, _pulse, pulse, sex, sex, sex … their sex filled the air and their lungs. _

"Only for you," she replied, her eyes heavy with bliss, though her mind was still lucid enough to get what she wanted and so desperately needed: _consummation_. "No foreplay … only you …," she sighed heavily, pulling back; she smirked before she gently pushed him down onto the bed.

And before he knew it, she was on him – _moving to straddle him, she leaned on her knees, her feet hanging off the edge of the bed while he struggled to remain sitting up_ – her breasts sashaying against his face, his mouth volleying between the low hanging fruits made from her ripened nipples –_ he latched on, sucking at her sweet puckered flesh_ – his need for her growing in a furious crescendo as she fisted his rod and managed to brush her slick, sticky folds with his sensitive head.

"Hmm, never in my life …," Derek muttered into their heat, dragging his mouth up to meet hers where he kissed her senseless, making love to her cavern while she succumb to her desires and began to breach her fleshy nerves with his pulsating cock. "Meredith … please," he pleaded into her mouth as he bucked his hips up, pulsing his rod just inside her tender opening.

"Oh … hmm … Derek, yes …," she cried softly, her breathing hitched into a tight gasp as she began to lower herself down and onto his beautiful cock, claiming him with every thunderous pulse of her delicate muscles.

_Meredith let herself go immediately then, escaping to another world entirely as she stared at Derek, panting; unable to articulate everything she felt: love, lust, connectivity._

_She rocked her body forward, clasping her feet low around his waist, kissing his swollen lips, releasing her muscles as she spread her thighs wider to accommodate his desirous manhood, guiding him deeper inside of her where she felt his muscle pulse – a ripple, a small quake of an orgasm, her walls shook – but she held him steady, coveting him like no man before him, holding him closer and deeper, so deep – her heart shook – she pulled back from the massage of his lips and found his clear eyes and in that moment, she was unable and unwilling to look away._

Neither one dared to move an inch; instead they stayed perfectly still, suddenly whole and healed – _his hands flanked upon her face, her fingertips caressing his hairline –_ her chest heaved, her nipples tightened, her pussy pulsed … massaging him … gathering him … hunting him … captivating him. Derek drew her near, his hot breath mingling with hers as they sequestered one another's caverns in a series of searing kisses, their mouths hungry as they kissed wildly, already making love despite their awestruck stance.

Derek's cock twitched, lengthening against the friction of Meredith's delicate pulses of ownership, his heart on fire with untamed love for her – _already accustomed to the way she fit perfectly around him _– knowing now that his desire for her would never wane … that there could never be enough of their connectivity to satiate him; she rocked her hips over him again; his cock pulsed against the walls of her nerves.

"You ready?" he husked, his wild blue eyes locked on hers …evergreen, unwavering, fiercely intense.

"Oh yeah," Meredith breathed into his heat; her walls went nuts, a hormonal surge encapsulating her as she rocked her hips, pressing herself _down, down, down_, her nose brushing against his, her wild heat and sweet sex coating his shaft, breaching her folds now as they held each other tight.

Where Derek wasted no time before he claimed her as his own, rolling her over, feeling her grasp around him tighten, her muscles pulsing with need as he pinned her beneath him and came down upon her – _kissing her deeply as she wrapped her legs around his torso and he began to move_ – their mouths and sexual machine working in tender harmony with one attainable goal in mind: _to extract the most from one another._

_She was hot – so hot and sticky and sweet – it was all he could think as he finally drown, succumbing to her hold on him, moving his mouth to her neck where he breathed her in and found the tempo she liked best, moving his mouth back to hers, dipping his tongue and raging cock into her wondrous depths again and again … and again. _

_He ducked down and flicked her right nipple, latching on briefly where he sucked at her flesh in earnest, massaging her pleasure point, feeling the triangle of her erogenous zones intensify with each downward pulse and bite upon her sumptuous flesh. She called his name … it was breathless … it was strangled … it was the call of his angel, his 'everything' and she was close, already so … close! _

Meredith lost all sensory control, Derek's warm caress almost too much to absorb as he somehow held her inside the moment while he moved within her, his pace slow and steady, yet urgent all the same – _her numb feet clasped low and tight around her new lover's back, she felt him grow with need inside of her, establishing his roots, moving into his place_ – this place she didn't know she possessed … this place she must have saved for her true love and soul mate – _this place only he had managed to find and claim and own, for it truly belonged to him_ – she knew this now as they caressed and loved and connected in triplicate: _their minds, bodies and spirits, finally aligned with clarity and ownership._

She turned her head and kissed his heated shoulder, breathing him in – _finding the essence of his sex with skilled precision _– she planted her lips there and enjoyed the feeling of his body as he covered hers, she raised her hips, craving deeper penetration as she caressed his spine, dancing her fingertips along his dewy flesh before she flanked his skull with her hands and locked her eyes with his – _blue, clear, penetrating, true_ – her heart shook, she blinked and he hovered on his forearms, wordlessly giving her space to open her hips wider for him. She seized his mouth and he slowed his tempo for longevity, though she knew she was mere minutes away from untamed orgasmic bliss.

Minutes … mere minutes, she held on tight – _knowing she never wanted this moment to end –_ minutes, she opened her eyes and found his – _'so close'_ – was all she heard herself cry, for she was cherished moments away from losing herself completely to him and his power-hold over her.

And so, with her cognitive awareness slipping into the undertow, Meredith tethered herself, latching her mouth to his while she opened her eyes and hips even wider in an effort to increase her presence and her peace of mind as they made steadfast love. She felt him smile against her lips as he pulsed down and into her depths quickly, _once, twice_ and then again before he pulled back and stole her breath with the quiet intensity of his unwavering gaze – _both blue and perfectly clear like a window into his mind _– providing no more than a reflection of herself now.

For the look upon his face was somehow different as he pumped her full of himself – _different in the way she was different_ – for his eyes (intensity aside) were soft and dreamy and crinkled around the edges with youth and happiness. And deep inside this new viewpoint, this new facet of his, Meredith knew that although things between them had changed – _they would never really change again_ – how they were with one another … was forever.

_Yes, forever … and therein she knew that Derek just might love her in the same all-consuming way she had come to love him, that they had somehow become 'everything' to one another. Yes … she loved him. _

_Love. She lost herself. Love. She found herself … pinned beneath her soul mate, nestled deep inside the woods where no one could find them or hear her cries of joy and passion, for they were stifled and belonged only to them. _

_Her heart raced; her pussy pulsed around him, nerve around nerve; muscle against muscle. Precision. Perfection. Nothing more, nothing less … it was all she would ever need. She blinked and trembled and trembled and blinked, opening herself up to him and the wide range of untapped emotions that sat around the cusp of her heart._

_She blinked again and this time a furry of joyful tears stung her eyes, welling there, just waiting to crash along the angular shoreline of her hot flushed cheeks. Her body convulsed and her hips bucking up as he began to move his mouth over her pulse point, his teeth grazing her skin there, drawing her out, stealing everything she had as she closed her eyes, forcing her tears free while her head fell back and into the palms of his capable hands. _

Derek felt Meredith's body rise to meet his, her desperation growing now as he slackened his rhythm and ducked down, sucking one of her rosy nipples into the hot cavern of his mouth – _pursing his lips around her there before he began to flick her sensory bead, moaning into her skin as he did_ – he felt her convulse again, this time releasing a gasp of a call into the heated air – _the sound like no other he'd ever heard _– a guttural moan, searing with passion and relief and perhaps fear, followed by the fierce tremble of her orgasm… and then this: _the escape of her warbled, untamed sniffle._

Hovering on his forearms now, Derek all but stopped his ministrations, though the inertia of their union was steadfast, his fat cock still pulsing with need against the systematic clenching of her muscles – _their bodies interlocked, she bucked her hips up, grinding her clit against his the base of his shaft_ – their spirits connected, their mutual wants and desires still aligned _– and then it was his turn to tremble, sucking in a deep breath of their air as she gathered him in her arms_ – and therein he knew it was time for the last piece: _their minds._

He smiled and caressed her face – _her hot pant fanning him as she wrapped her legs around him_ – he kissed her salty tears away_, kiss, kiss_, she leaned into his touch without opening her eyes. She shook in his arms – _fresh tears slipped free and landed on her cheeks _– he reflexively kissed those away too.

"Breathe, stay with me," he whispered into their heat, he kissed her _once, twice_ before she opened her wet eyes to find him. "Just hold on … hold on to me … ," he husked, emotion tumbling out of his mouth as he soothed her.

She smiled, pressing her lips together as he brought his forearms closer to her head, caressing her with his proximity before he felt her hands cup his ass, ushering him deeper inside of her.

"Like this," she teased him – _her breathless giggle filing the space between them now as she joined her heels with her hands and added pressure, pushing down on his toned ass _– literally holding him where she wanted him most.

"Hmm, yes …," he replied softly as she raised her hips, aligning him for the deeper penetration she apparently wanted, wherein he obliged, bumping her cervix now with his slow, steady strokes, _bump, bump._

"I'm … so … close, deeper … so … ," she muttered thickly, releasing his ass, she slipped her hand between them and opened her hips; she needed pressure _– she smiled and he kissed her senseless – yes, yes_, she needed pressure where it counted – _for she wanted to cum with him soon and for the very first time … together _– for he was close … so close he quaked in her arms now, for this was what she did to him.

"So … perfect … and close …," he whispered hotly, inhaling her sweet sex into his lungs.

His mind suddenly blank, his heart more than on fire, his sack contracting as Meredith played with her juicy clit; her hot sex flooding around them, lubricating their machine as feral need raged through him once again – _milk, milk pulse, pulse, mine, mine, he lengthened – _he was close and so was she.

"Hmm, close … God you feel so good," she praised, knowing their swift climax was but a stroke or pulse away; she kissed him and pulled back – _for she wanted nothing more than to watch what she did to him_ – she wanted, no she _needed_ to watch him lose himself within her.

_And so with her eyes still pinned on his and their noses brushing against one another, Meredith tenaciously flicked her burgeoning clit over and over, matching her pulses to his strokes – she was soaked for him, her abundant sex sticky and pungent – she felt him twitch, his ass cheeks clenching now as he growled, the sight and sound of him cumming enough to push her over the teetering edge now as she began to cum and cum hard, gushing her sex as he released his seeds, where he would sow and reap for the first time deep within her sacred place … now also his. She closed her eyes in sated bliss and let their beloved ocean; the swells of the hormonal surges carry her out to sea and beyond._

_Her heart banged in her chest, thumping against his, ringing into her ears as the world fell away and the only thing that mattered to her was him – and them and this place where they ended up – her eyes still closed, his lips resting upon her throat and then down to the swell of her heaving chest where he kissed her, her hands tangled in his damp, wild locks as he finally rested his head on her bosom._

"You're incredible …," he said thickly, his cock twitching inside of her trenches, their machine still working despite the swift canopy of their euphoric haze. He raised his head and looked down at her, falling in love all over again. "Meredith, open your eyes …find me …," he asked of her and she obliged.

She sucked in a deep breath and stared at him then, _'finding'_ him right where she left him, nestled deep inside her where he belonged for all time. "I see you, Derek," she breathed laboriously. "Hmm … you're suddenly all I see …," she confessed boldly, secretly overwrought by how much she did see … and know.

_She took a deep breath and felt his soft cock slip free from her weakening hold around him. She smiled and he ducked down to kiss her quickly – their raw sex twirling up and into the air now – she pulled back and found his eyes, still clear as a window, still as blue as the ocean, his smile genuine and sated, his body heavy with exhaustion – he was gorgeous – and she couldn't take her eyes off of him if she tried … and it was then that she knew – she loved him, irrevocably – for her need to run had been quelled and she was captivated … so sure now that she loved him that she fixed her gorgeous green eyes on his … and she watched him … coveting him until her eyes closed in bliss and she was a goner. _

###

The air was thick when Derek came around, his head resting on a pillow next to Meredith's – _his knee jackknifed over her abdomen, her forearm draped along her brow, her eyes concealed, her breathing slow, though he knew she was not asleep_ – he sighed deeply, inhaling the evidence of their tryst, salty, sweet and uniquely _'them'. _He kissed her damp shoulder and blinked, allowing his eyes to adjust to the dim afternoon light. A cool breeze billowed over them from the window behind the bed; he watched a flesh layer of goose skin cover Meredith's flesh and instinctually pulled the cotton sheet up to her waistline. He watched a small smile form along her flushed face.

Reaching over, he grabbed the glass of ice and popped a cube in his mouth – _letting the ice work its magic, cooling him down from the inside out now_ – he took another piece and sucked on that too, holding the glass in his hand, the condensation cool to the touch. He rested the glass on the bed and moved his cool, damp hand along his forehead while his heavy eyelids closed – _he was exhausted and deliriously so_ – his heart raced on and on and all he could think about was Meredith and loving her and making love to her.

He popped another cube in his mouth and sucked on it, Meredith stirred and he ducked down to kiss her cheek, but she surprised him by turning her head and cradling his skull for a beat before she kissed him – _her mouth was hot and steamy, a sharp contrast to his frosty lips and tongue_ – her breathless giggle bouncing between them now until he pulled back and found her mischievous grin.

"You taste good and cold," she surmised, though her voice box shook, betraying her flirtatious bravado.

Derek smirked and kissed his woman. "And here I thought I was hot," he sassed, dipping his tongue into her open mouth, _hot, cold, hot, cold._

"Hmm, but you are," she breathed, finding his eyes. "Kiss me again," she whispered, brushing her lips against his, nerve to nerve, hot to cold. "I can't get enough of you," she confessed against his open mouth.

And nor could he, get enough of her and all she did to him – _and so he kissed her then_ – his body moving like a fishtail along hers, his cock stirring, his abdomen aching as he rolled flush against her side, wedging the glass of ice between them as he kissed and kissed her full sweet lips, demanding more of her and more from her with each passing pulse_. 'Damn, she felt so good',_ was all he could think as he dipped his fingers into the glass and pulled another cube free, droplets of frosty water fell from his fingers and sprinkled along her taut abdomen; she turned her head and he wondered if his games were over before they started.

_Meredith's throaty giggle suddenly filled the air and she felt like she could barely breathe as she wrapped her fingers around Derek's wrist and squeezed wherein he froze, raising his brow – he said nothing before he sucked the dripping cube into his hot mouth – she snickered as he took another cube from the glass and pinched it between his fingers, taunting her … teasing her. _

"What are you doing?" she snorted, a streak of amusement crossing over her face. She giggled; the ice cube dripped onto her abdomen and her cheeks heated but she wouldn't dare squirm.

"What?" he teased, his eyes locked on hers as he lowered his hand and brushed the frozen cube across the flat plane of her abdomen, smooth as silk. She squirmed; he kissed her breathless shriek into his mouth, _hot, cold, hot._ "Hmm, you drive me crazy," he panted against her lips. "Don't you trust me to tease you right?" he asked thickly, pulling back, the ice cube all but gone now.

"You know I do … trust you," Meredith sighed, easing back and into her pillow before she kissed his cheek, inhaling his essence as she did, parting her lips against his skin, _pulse, pulse _as she watched him take another cube of ice from the glass. Her heart raced in anticipation as she flanked his skull with her hands and closed her mouth over his, losing herself inside the paradox of the hot and cold sensations: _sliding ice and searing kisses_.

Her words and actions were all the encouragement Derek suddenly needed as he kissed her senseless – _stealing her breath and all of her cognitive reasoning now in favor of seducing her, caressing her and tasting her in the way that she deserved_ – in the way that he hoped would display for her just how much she meant to him, how much he already loved and adored her … because he wanted her to feel _everything_ with him.

For it was no secret now (to himself anyway) that he had fallen madly in love with Meredith – _but didn't want his declaration of that love to be a cliché and __he__ didn't want to become a cliché _– because people _did_ and because making love evoked feelings, _strong_ feelings of love and passion. But Derek also knew that he didn't want to devalue either echelon (both making love and succumbing to love) by meshing them together. And in the end, regardless of what happened in June, he believed they had a future together and so he decided he would wait, for he would know when the timing was right.

Breathing easy now, his mind also clear with regards to his intentions, Derek focused once again on pleasuring and teasing his new lover _– reeling in the feeling of her body beneath his, his cock already hungry for her pussy akin to Pavlov's dog, the mere proximity of her warm cavern enough to drive him crazy_ – he pulsed his tongue into her depths as he took the ice cube and ran it from her navel_ up, up, up _to the crescent of her full breasts where he traced a cool, wet line along her skin there; she reacted favorably by arching her back and releasing a long, guttural moan.

"Hmm, I like what this does to you," he smirked playfully, pulling back he found her under the euphoric haze of her hooded eyelids. She smiled, her fingertips playing with his wild locks while he slowly moved his hand around the perfect swell of her right breast. "I could do this to you forever," he husked, _'I want forever with you'_, he finished silently, smiling now too as he grazed the tip of her gorgeous nipple with the ice, his fingers brushing against her nub, watching with fascination as her skin became puckered and needy within seconds. She heaved a deep sigh – _craning her regal neck back; she closed her wild eyes in ecstasy_ – his mouth watered; _'God she was gorgeous, if she only knew how hot she really was'_.

The ice cube melted and he fished yet another one from the glass as he bent down and seized her cold nipple, sucking it into the hot confines of his mouth before he pulled back and ran the ice over her raised flesh again – _wasting no time before sucked her cold puckered bead into his mouth – _relentless in his quest to taste her and all that he did to her. Sucking on her flesh, volleying the ice between her nubs only to replace it with his mouth, _suck, suck, hot, cold, hot, cold, bite, suck, flick, flick, flick, hot, hot, hot_ – _he kissed her senseless_ – moving that small piece of ice down along her trembling abdomen to his next target: _the perfect apex of her womanhood. _

Cupping her face with his free hand, he bent forward and pressed lingering kisses to her stomach, moving his way down her body, his mouth nipping along the cold trail left behind by the ice, _down, down, down_ he moved, feeling her flushed cheek relax against his palm as her body temperature rose _– watching now as she reacted, kicking her legs free from the cotton sheet, untangling herself as her chest heaved _– her breathing became stacked, her nipples twisted tightly and her knees fell open, revealing her glistening pussy. _She was ripe for the taking. _

Yes, she had succumb to him … both hot and bothered and he couldn't get enough of her, his own breathing labored now as he rested his head on her pubic bone and began to play with her pussy _– teasing her outer lips with the cold tips of his fingers_ _and the small, round piece of ice_ – until it melted inside of her desire, gone in mere seconds, swallowed hole by her heat and everything he did to her. Her muscles pulsed.

_Meredith gasped into the thick air, completely losing herself and her senses now, the contrast between hot and cold having never felt so good or defined before. Except she wasn't surprised, because for the first time in her life, she felt these spirited acts of foreplay were warranted, for she was in love and this had to be what it felt like: open, honest, free and trusting._

_For she meant what she said earlier, she trusted Derek and therein, she relaxed her mind, her spirit … and her hips – listening with a trained ear now as her lover enthusiastically worked her over, his wild locks tickling her breasts as he did – suck, nip, pulse, pulse, he kissed her belly and hipbones like a bear at a bee hive, her sex akin to honey, honey, warm and thick and plentiful. _

_She knew now that he was lost within her, his strokes wild as he massaged her pussy with his cold fingertips, slow and easy, peeling her layers and vulnerability back like a ripening fruit … until she was exposed … and ready for the taking … the hot ricochet of his breath fanning her heated flesh until she was open … to him … for him._

Derek felt Meredith shudder, her whole body trembling under his ministrations – _her innate reaction only fueling his own desire to please her _– to bring her to a heated frenzy so he could watch her cum and cum hard from all that he did to her. Taking a deep breath of her essence, he lost himself in the proximity of her sacred place – _his nose almost buried in the soft curls of her mound now, he breathed her in again and felt the trigger pull on his cock_ – tightening, lengthening for her like no woman before her – _her vaginal muscles throbbing around his cold fingertips_ – drawing them into her heat with every small pulse she involuntarily made.

Her hot breath fanned his palm as her head grew heavier with delirium now, she was almost gone, slipping under his spell – _her breathless call to him hung in the air – _ricocheting against his hand, vibrating _down, down, down_ the length of her body where his eyes were fixated, her pussy still massaging his fingertips, her fat little clit just moments away from making its premier.

Meredith opened her hips for him then, his forearm pinning one of her thighs down as he leaned forward and gently spread her outer folds back to reveal her hot pink center – _soaking wet and ready for him_ – no other thought crossing his mind now as he released her nerves and slipped his cool finger into her hot depths and began to rhythmically pulse into her slick channel, his palm upturned – _hot, cold, hot, her hot cum coated his finger_ – _thick, sweet, salty, already a unique infusion of 'them'_. He sucked in a deep breath, the only thing on his mind now was tasting her; ducking down, he hovered his open mouth over the angular summit of her fine womanhood and began to trace her outer folds with the very tip of his tongue, the first taste of her sweet elixir like nothing else he'd ever consumed.

_Meredith froze and opened her eyes; her body tensed and she reflexively shifted, recoiling away from Derek's hot mouth as his breath fanned her pussy and he began to taste what he did to her and old tendencies aside, this was something she wanted him to do – for God's sake, she wanted his mouth on her and she had wanted (more than anything) to achieve this new level of intimacy with him – and yet, the thought of sex combined with such a spiritual and undeniable connection, really scared her shitless, and for a fleeting second … this was one those scarier moments. _

_And so she closed her eyes and turned her head, seeking some kind of reprieve from the intensity of it all, this mind, body and spirit thing. _

_Her heart raced and she was suddenly aware and insecure over just how real this thing was becoming – for Derek was her lover, the very first man she even considered sharing herself with on a level like this – except that suddenly he was more than that because she really loved him and trusted him in way that was much bigger than just her or him … or even them. _

_Because even so, even if her heart and soul trusted Derek, old habits died-hard and the remains of the walls she had erected to protect herself were still there – she didn't do intimacy, she was never built for this and she hadn't considered it – until now. Her abdomen tensed and she raised her opposite knee, wordlessly giving her sign: she needed a minute. _

Derek pulled himself away from her pussy and popped his head up to find her. "You okay?" he asked, his voice soft, concern etched along his face when he saw the alarm in her eyes, her brow furrowed; her cheeks red and heated.

"I am …," she breathed, averting her gaze for a beat before she dared herself to find him again.

Leaving one hand cupped on her pussy, he leaned up and onto his elbow, smiling as he watched her insecurity ebb away. He ducked down and kissed her sweet lips.

"Do you not want my mouth on you …," he asked softly, his inquiry sincere and without judgment, he held her in place, one hand on her mound, the other caressing the crown of her head.

"I do … I just …never really …," her voice trailed off, unable to articulate exactly how she felt, no doubt in her mind she loved him – _these wounds and walls were old_ – they were her baggage, the wreckage of her past.

_So she kissed him instead, prepared to show him how she felt when words failed her, for she wanted him to know what he meant to her, for he was her 'everything' … already her lover, her best friend, her soul mate … and so much more. She sighed and grasped his hand, pulling it away from her searing opening; she held it up, her heart racing as she scrutinized his fingers, still glistening with her cum, slick, abundant, wherein all she could __think__ was – 'he saves lives, he's the last hope' – and all she could __feel__ was the phantom massage of his gentle, healing touch and the resonating hope he had restored for her since they met. _

_She smiled and leaned in, he met her halfway and kissed her, pulsing his lips over her open mouth, once, twice. She laced her fingers through his as they parted and she found his curious gaze, suddenly mesmerized by his blue faceted eyes and all they could see, both here in their bed and in an OR. She smiled weakly, breathing through her thunderous heartbeat. _

"Talk to me …," Derek encouraged, mystified once again by her multi-faceted eyes and the way she seemed to loose herself inside of his.

_Meredith swallowed hard and thought for a second longer, wanting nothing more than to throw herself into this massive allowance of trust she had for him. She smiled thoughtfully and titled her head up and kissed him instead, knowing she had no need to withhold anything from him because even if she fought herself, her will to be with him always prevailed and she found herself opening up to him … for him … and for them and therein, she let herself go._

"Oral …," she sighed with a weak smile. "For me … it … just always seemed too …," her voice died off, suddenly transfixed at the way his eyes softened around the edges just for her.

"Personal … intimate … real …," Derek ventured his guesses before he kissed her flushed cheek, pulsing his lips over her hot skin, his fingertips resting along her perfect collarbone now.

Smiling thoughtfully, he tilted his head and considered this rare soul he found himself enamored with – _his heart banging around in his chest_ – strangled with emotion at the mere implication that she did not open herself up like this for just anyone. He sighed, inhaling the sweet air and smiled, encouraging her as he watched her eyes well up, cradling her skull in his hands, searching her watery eyes – _trying to allay her fears (and not because he was going to press her any further)_ – but more out of curiosity because he really wanted to know her … _intimately_.

Meredith smiled then, submitting to his hold on her. "Yeah … all of the above," she sighed breathlessly as she found his eyes in the darker light.

Derek sighed and raised his head and moved up to lean on his elbow again, moving their interlocked hands down to her pussy where he began to massage her folds – _her hand resting on her mound, his fingertips brushing along hers here and there as he worked her over _– her arousal slipped beyond her folds almost instantly, coating his fingers and hers too.

_Meredith's body quivered, she was so wet, she could smell her sex as it wafted up and into the air … she opened her hips and felt her folds breathe, his fingers kneading her nerves, striking her chords – her breathless sigh filling the air now too – massage, pinch, swirl, swirl … yes, his touch was in all the right places._

"Tell me what you want," Derek encouraged as he played with her pussy, so ripe, and ready, akin to a delicious fruit warmed from the sun on a vine. His cock twitched, another waft of her sex swirled into the air and arrested him. "You are so beautiful … inside and out …hmm, talk to me," he husked as he dipped his finger inside her smooth, warm channel, tempting fate, _pulse, pulse_, he swirled the pad of his thumb against her clit.

"Oh … my …," she sighed struggling to keep herself inside the delirious moment. "Hmm … tell me what _you_ want," she countered, her voice thick now as she dared herself to open up to his ministrations – _willing her mind to follow her body's desires_ – because she loved him … she needed him … she trusted him.

"To taste all of what I do to you," he offered brazenly, awestruck by the intense color of her cheeks, bright red with all that he did to her. "Your cum on my tongue, down my throat …," he continued relentlessly, putting himself out there, unable to stop himself or the desires he felt for her.

_Meredith shuddered and moved her hand down to her opening where she dipped her pointer finger through her swollen folds, brushing her finger alongside Derek's – she found his rhythm, she heard his thick moan, a wordless cat call – her muscles pulsed and she pulled her finger free, raising it to Derek's mouth where he sucked her appendage clean all the while pummeling her pussy with his rhythmic strokes. _

"Hmmmm … you taste so good," he murmured. "What I do to you … so good," he husked, as he swallowed her sweet sex. He found her hand and brought it down to her breasts where he encouraged her to move her wet fingers along her puckered nipples, _rub, rub, pinch, pinch._

"You really want me …," Meredith mused aloud – _her heart and pussy on fire now, a dull ache penetrating her clit, pinch, pinch, her vaginal muscles wild again_ – for she was completely turned on from his want of her.

"Hmm, yeah … I want … all of you," he muttered, so lost within the thick canopy of their porny haze.

"I want more too … of you, of us," she suddenly gasped, slipping far beneath the surface as he slowed his tempo. "I want more … just like this … for … ever …," she prophesized, raising her hips up to meet his pulses, her heart racing as she spoke her mind, finally aligned with her body.

"Forever … I want forever too," Derek soothed, moving up to kiss her swollen lips, his tongue massaging hers.

An uncontrolled gasp fell from her lips and landed into the deep pocket of their heat. "Make love to me Derek …," she breathed into his mouth, tasting her lingering essence on his tongue. She clutched his head and locked her eyes with his. Her chest heaved; her heart raced. "All of me …," she whispered, pushing his head down, her wordless signal: _she wanted his mouth on her … now._

"All of you …," Derek repeated, pulsing her drenched pussy with his fingers all the while, kissing her body senseless as he moved _down, down, down _to finally taste her in the way he had longed to.

_Once there, her lover wasted no time before he did what the both of them so desperately wanted him to do now – she felt his hot breath first as it slammed into her swollen folds – he moved into the apex between her thighs and she opened her eyes and watched with utter fascination as he licked his lips and began to run his fingers along her outer perimeter, teasing her … bating her, a wickedly sexy smile plastered to his face while he positioned his mouth closer and closer to her raging heat, hooking his left forearm under her thigh, her foot resting alongside his ribcage. She opened her thighs to him._

_A fever pricked her skin and she felt her muscles pulse; her slick heat pooled along her slit and she raised her hips, but he only pushed her thighs down and open until she was exposed, her raging sexuality and all that he did to her on display now; her sex aligned with his hungry mouth. She closed her eyes and let herself go … to him … for him and then she felt it: the hot tip of his tongue as he began to slowly stroke her folds. _

_He moaned immediately and deepened his French kisses there, open-mouthed, already a siphon – he drank her down – her hips bucked up and he slipped his fingers into her waiting depths, she was soaked through and through, dripping with her arousal for him. Turning his palm up, she felt the heel of his hand press against her pelvic floor, his chin cupped there as he lapped and lapped, stiffening his tongue to skillfully flick the underside of her hooded, needy clit. _

_The pressure was intense and so was the pleasure of it all, her hormonal swell of desire, the tingling sensations that reverberated through her body with every crescendo of his moans as he breathed into her hole – her head spun and her eyes fluttered shut – finding little use for her hands now as she moved them along her clenched abdomen to her pert nipples where she tugged on them, writhing out of control as he placed is whole siphon-mouth over her pussy and made love to her there like no man before him. _

Derek was officially in heaven, he swallowed the steady stream of her sex, her arousal meant just for him, only for him – _his cock stirred, pulsing against the mattress_ – he jackknifed his knee to make room for himself there as he kissed her opening, pulsing his tongue into her depths next to his finger, _pulse, pulse_, he couldn't enough – _she jerked her hips up and he tightening his oral hold on her but it still wasn't enough, she needed more and so did he_ – for he desperately wanted to feel her cum, he wanted to drink her down and milk her dry.

Pulling back he stroked her folds and stole a look at her – _she never looked sexier he decided just then_ – a thin layer of dew covered her chest and face, her cheeks were flushed, her beautiful eyes were closed, her mouth was contorted with concentration – _her abdomen was taut and her muscles never stopped clenching against his fingers_ – he took a deep breath, her abundant sweet sex, his elixir, funneled into his nose and stuck there like molasses, he licked his lips and his mouth watered when he tasted her essence on his tongue again. He ducked down and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to her there before he gently parted her folds to reveal her fat little clit.

He growled as he plunged forward and began to flick her perfect pink clit with the tip of his tongue, she immediately reacted and he slowed his tempo for longevity, realizing that she would sore tomorrow, likely over stimulated from his ministrations, though she was well-lubricated, which would help – _completely turned on, her hips bucking wildly_ – her need for additional pressure evident as her gasps and moans of appreciation became animalistic chants for him, _'more, more, more' _where he selfishly delivered her most private wish until she came – _her body trembling, her gasps of pleasure still filling the air, her sweet sex funneling into his mouth_ – he couldn't enough, he lapped and lapped at her opening, feasting akin to his last meal.

_Meredith's chest heaved, her breasts swayed with the staccato of her breathing – labored, tired, yet energized and ready for more – she opened her eyes and found Derek crawling up to her, kissing his way back up along the frayed nerves left behind in the wake of her orgasmic swell. She smiled and moved her hand down to cup her tired, pulsing pussy, her attempt to keep and savor the ripple of her orgasm as it pinged and vibrated, a force of its own fluidity just like a storm. Her clit raw and sensitive, her lips swollen, her muscles still working._

"Hmm … you trusting me … tastes so good," Derek soothed, his voice lazy. He locked his eyes with hers before he leaned down and kissed the swell of her flushed cheek.

"Felt good too …," she sighed and cradled his skull in her hands, drawing him near – _his hard cock nestled between his abdomen and her thigh, her clit pulsed _– she reached down and stroked him. "You really want me … still," she husked, maintaining her slow, purposeful tempo.

"I do … always," he said thickly, he licked his lips, her lingering essence was everywhere, her residue, both salty and sweet was stuck to him. His cock twitched in her hand, but she only stroked him still.

"I really want you too … again … please …," she heaved before she kissed him long and hard, opening her thighs in tandem, inviting him … inside … again.

Derek hovered over her for a beat before leaned up and back onto his heels, stroking his strong cock while he stared at Meredith and once again wondered how on earth they ended up here … together … making love … for the first time of the lifetime he knew they would share together.

He pressed his lips together and felt a surge of emotion clog him up and before he knew it she was watching him watch her and she too saw him through the stormy sea of her glassy eyes. He melted inside, for he knew then that she felt the same as he.

_He knew they were in love. _

His heart banged inside his chest and his cock became harder and harder still _– no doubt in his mind that he wanted her, no doubt he could satisfy them both and take her hard and fast and full of the passion he carried for her _– but he lay down instead and rested his head on her pillow, inching closer and closer, raising her knee and thigh over his hipbone, at which time he slipped into her slick, short channel.

"Oh God," she heaved, snaking her arm under his neck; she pulled him closer – _opening her hips as much as the angle would permit _– her muscles stretching to accommodate him, _pulse, pulse,_ she gathered him inside.

"Hmm, I'll never grow tired of this," he whispered as he gently eased in and out of her, _in, out, in, out,_ rocking her in his arms, closing the miniscule distance between them to kiss her sweet, swollen lips.

_Meredith locked her eyes with Derek's – 'never' was a long time and so was 'forever' – she held him close, cradling him as he made love to her, her instinct to run and hide from intimacy with him obliterated now as she felt her quick climax come for her, funneling with velocity from her curled toes all the way to her engaged heart and mind and spirit … all beautifully aligned now._

"Never … Derek …," she heaved, her muscles starting to systematically clench around his cock, it was instinctual now … the way he fit deep inside of her … the way she made room for him (_literally and figuratively_). "Never … is a long time," she breathed, voicing her thoughts with nothing to hide as she swallowed the hot tufts of his air.

"Never … is forever Meredith," he vowed, drawing her near as he pumped her full of himself and all that she did to him, _'never, forever, never, forever'_.

_And so it was that these two words floated between the new lovers now as they brought their intimacy to a new echelon – this perch upon which they would 'live' whilst alone like this, the plane of existence in which they would first declare their love for one another – this place inside of which they would come to perfect the groove and tempo of their lovemaking. Because they suddenly had all the time in the world – they had 'forever' – they had the future … and perhaps even important: they had the here and now._

"Yes … Derek … just like that," Meredith breathed as she unleashed the fury of what he did to her all over her man.

**Chapter 15 to follow.**


	21. Chapter 15, Transparent Hearts

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Once again, I apologize for the lag time between updates, it will get better soon, I promise … and I do so hope this chapter was worth the wait. Please continue to tell me what you think and how you feel. Thanks again to those who took the time to comment on that last chapter, it means a lot. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 15 – Transparent Hearts**

Meredith stepped through the sliding doors of Seattle Grace Hospital – _her lightweight coat blowing open, billowing behind her _– the thin cotton of her indigo Henley, worthless as the frigid afternoon air pummeled her flushed skin, wet and wild, her hair whipped in the current – _the conditions no match for the raging heat of her internal glow though_ – for inside she was humming with life and anticipation, her heart racing, her mind propelling forward without regards for any lingering reservations she might have been harboring. She was happy and she knew it radiated from her core and was prominently displayed along her face.

Insurmountable relief consumed her now as she crossed the wide hospital entrance way en-route to grab a taxi, a smile etched along her face as she did. Her heart raced – _Derek wanted her, this of course she knew_ – but now … she knew just how far he would go to prove that to her, for the recent events of the afternoon had indeed proved that her growing attachment to him was matched …_ tenfold_.

A shiver of excitement ripped up her spine as the taxi driver at the front of the line saw her approach and raised his hand, she smiled and raised hers too – _a sharp gust of wind pushing against her back as she watched him slip inside the cab and start the engine_ – the cold air just about to get the better of her when she opened the door and ducked inside the protective enclave.

And while she smiled and spoke to the driver all she really could think about was Derek and their thing together – _and the longevity of it_ – and what he might have to say to her when she saw him. The driver whisking her closer and closer to her reality now while her mind drifted back to the illuminating conversation she just finished with Richard Webber.

###

"_Meredith, welcome," Richard Webber smiled warmly as he extended his hand to her just outside of his office. "It's nice to see you again," he added as she took the olive branch and squeezed his hand firmly, gathering her nerve as he showed her into his office. _

"_Do you really mean that?" she asked candidly, briefly meeting his dark liquid eyes, softer around the edges, well accentuated by his lavender cashmere sweater._

_She looked away then, once again wondering what might have gone through his mind when he saw her name pop up on his schedule, although he could have backed out of the meeting … he could have stonewalled her, but he didn't._

"_Meredith … of course," he sighed, offering her a seat at his small mahogany worktable, his broad frame, absent the formality of his lab coat, shadowed her for a beat. She set her bag down at her feet. He exhaled as he sat down across from her, scanning her eyes, formulating his words; she watched as he shook his head, sighing once again before he spoke. "Listen … what happened all those years ago was between us …," he breathed. "It was … our fault, we were consenting adults, your mother and I," he explained. "And … the fallout, what happened to you was also our fault," he deemed, locking his eyes on her. He shifted, obviously uncomfortable. "I'm sorry for my part in what must have been very hard for you … your mother's distress, I was there, I know how it was," he said sincerely._

_Tears stung Meredith's eyes and her resolve to get through this meeting without breaking down was quickly becoming a lost endeavor. "I remember what I remember, the rest I learned from her journals," she said softly, testing the waters. _

_Wherein Webber's ashen face told her everything she needed to know … that he did not know there was a record of her mother's side in all that went on between them – he knew her, he loved her – but he didn't know she journalized … everything. He cleared his throat and shook his head, his eyes glassy, glistening now against the blue fluorescent lights overhead. _

"_Seeing me is difficult for you," she surmised evenly after another minute. _

"_No," he said straight away. "It's just been a long time since we've seen each other," he smiled warmly. "Seeing you reminds me of how much time has passed … a lifetime," he reflected, his eyes darting around his office. _

_He smiled weakly, his eyes no doubt vacillating on the past and the present sitting right in front of him – the strong baritone of his confidence all but gone now as he came to stare at her – Meredith smiled and thought to say something … anything to diffuse the stalemate, though instead, she found herself once again second-guessing her rationale for coming to see him in the first place. _

_She looked away from his scrutinizing eyes and her mind drifted to Derek and then she forced herself to come to terms with her primary motive – also the heart of the matter – the very reason why she sat here now: her untamed love for Derek Shepherd and her desire to make their thing work, her desire to stay in Seattle where suddenly she felt she belonged … for she had found a home. _

_Sighing, she turned her attention back to Webber, finding him right where she left him … stuck. "Why not let it go then?" she asked softly. "It has been lifetime, it's been twenty years," she breathed._

_Dr. Webber chuckled, his chortle full of self-deprecation. "Just … let it go," he exhaled sharply, meeting her gaze. _

"_Wipe it clean," she suggested, leaning forward, she slipped two folders from her bag and set them on the table. She pushed one towards him and looked up. He found her gaze for a beat before he glanced down at her dossier. "Focus on the future," she said, smiling tightly. "Because that's why I'm here," she assured. "I'm not here about what happened between you and my mother and I know you have a story – your own story – but … I don't need to hear it," she said firmly, because she believed it to be true._

_She watched his facial muscles relax as he sat back into his chair and regarded her for a moment. "I'll tell you what, I'll try … if you will," he negotiated with a broad smile. _

_Meredith smiled and nodded. "Okay," she agreed softly, wondering what her mother would have made of this meeting, cringing slightly as she did, for she couldn't help but feel like she made a deal with the devil._

_Shaking her discomfort off, she pressed on with her plan, her mind on Derek and little else. Richard Webber smiled at her, a mischievous glint in his eyes now as he spoke to her. "So … what exactly brings you here," he chuckled, glancing down at the folder she left for him. "I'm sure you're well aware that Derek is off today," he smiled broadly without blinking. _

"_I do know that," she confirmed. "But … maybe once we talk some more, you'll understand why I needed to do this on my own," she said thoughtfully. _

_Webber opened the file, the title document staring back at them as she did the same – 'The Paschal-Grey Alzheimer's Research Center' – his eyes darted up and a wide smile formed along his strong features. _

_Still hesitant, Meredith pressed her lips together and then thought – 'what the hell' – she might have 'everything' to lose if she didn't put her plan into action. "I'm graduating in a little over four week's time," she smiled and thought aloud, no longer caring about everything she had __planned__ to say, June, June, June. "And I'll be honest, I never thought of staying here in Seattle – with all the memories … everything – I came back here to look after my mother and then … I stayed, went to med school, though she never really knew that," she reflected sadly._

"_I'm sure she would have been very proud of you," Webber mused, catching her eyes with his for a brief moment. _

"_She didn't know me Dr. Webber – things were subpar for us when I was growing up, we lived in silos – and I'm not saying that to make you feel badly, I just … she didn't know me and we're vastly different, though today … I'm here …," she sighed, her voice trailing off and into the current of recycled air. _

_She chuckled and felt her head spin off axis – her mind's eye rich with the memories of her mother's blank stare – as she kept her eyes trained on the man her mother loved and revered like no other. And so there she sat, scrutinizing the entity he had become to her and suddenly all she could think about was love and how it suddenly was the genesis of 'everything' for her. Because for her whole life, she believed that love did terrible things like chew people up and leave them for dead, and admittedly, sitting across from Richard Webber now, it was hard look at the evidence of what years of private heartache had done to him … and to her mother … and yet, she sat there still … all because of love._

"_Meredith," Webber leaned forward, ducking his head down to meet her far off gaze._

_She spotted him and chuckled, shaking her head. "Sorry … I just … my mother, she loved you, very much," she swallowed hard. "And I swear this isn't about her, it's about me, but … somehow … we're converging here and it's …," she breathed, her heart quaking now. "It's painful," she admitted. _

"_It is … but … like you said, this about the future, your future, professionally … and personally," he intuited, gently probing, prodding her. _

_Meredith nodded, at a loss for words, for maybe he'd figured it out before she did – but right then in that moment – she understood how and why her worlds were colliding, past and present meshing together … undefined, haphazard and ugly … and in the end, it all came down to passion. It came down to her own grand gesture … her love for Derek and what she was prepared to do to stay with him versus her mother's willingness to give up her marriage to stay with Richard. _

_Both grand. _

_Both steadfast. _

_Like mother, like daughter. _

_And in that moment, she gave it all she had like the extraordinary person she was meant to be, for suddenly she was driven by much more than her mother's inspiring disease … she truly was driven by love and possibility for longevity with Derek. She smiled then and felt sure she could pull this off, a deep tug in her heart chanting now, 'love, love, I love him' … she sighed on this truth and began to speak._

"_Dr. Webber, inside this folder is a proposal outline for an Alzheimer's Research Center," Meredith sighed. "I know this isn't a surgical matter, but it __is__ personal and I … for reasons I'm not ready to disclose yet, I'm coming to you … directly, rather than going through Derek," she sighed, her cheeks heated. _

_She swallowed hard and met his inquisitive stance; he looked down and moved through the first several pages of the file until he stopped on her research findings, corroborated by the esteemed Dr. Henry Paschal, Meredith's most favorite professor and one of the world's leading experts on the disease. _

"_I see Paschal's name would be on the door," he raised a brow. "Does he know this yet?" he chuckled. _

"_No," she answered, taking in the slight smile that crept along Webber's face. "But … if I can raise enough money, I feel certain he'll want in – he's local and this is teaching hospital with a great reputation – it's logical and he's … the most logical person I know," she spoke candidly. _

"_So what do you need from me? You said yourself this isn't surgical, at least at the moment," he asked, flipping back to her table on the status of qualified grant proposals._

"_I need an introduction to the board of directors on the matter," she replied without missing a beat. _

"_Why not ask Derek?" he pushed back. _

"_Because asking him makes this incredibly personal … and my rationale, my reasons … wouldn't be entirely about the disease anymore … my reasons for wanting this center are … all-encompassing," she stated evenly, secretly steamed that he brought Derek up again. _

"_I see …," he said thoughtfully and then he smiled brilliantly. "May I ask you a question?" he requested, that same bright smile etched along his face. _

"_Sure," she nodded in assent, tilting her head up to meet his unwavering gaze. _

"_Did you ever think that this … this idea of the future, __your__ future, in Seattle and at Seattle Grace …," he smirked and then sighed. "Did you ever stop to think that this might already be personal … for Derek?" he prompted softly._

_She shook her head, 'no'. Webber smiled broadly, his eyes shining with happiness now while all Meredith could do was sit an ponder what he might mean – for she knew she and Derek were on the same page – neither one wanted to live apart from the other. She knew this, in her heart of hearts, she knew this … it was just that she wanted to be the one who put it all on the line for him – she wanted to make a grand gesture – because she knew that if she did, there would be no turning back … because the future would indeed be theirs. But even so, she thought she would be acting alone in this endeavor to achieve what she and Derek both wanted: love and proximity (and a top-notch program for her to complete her fellowship). Webber cleared his throat. _

"_Meredith," he smiled. "Do you know what Derek had planned for today?" he asked after a minute. _

"_Other than meeting me after work for dinner, no," she stated, curious as to where he was headed with his prompt. _

_He smiled broadly like a kid in a candy store then, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, blink, blink. "He's meeting with Dr. Paschal … as we speak," he mused, his eyes still twinkling with excitement. _

_Meredith's eyes grew wide. "What?" she asked, 'what, what, what', she chanted silently. "__My__ Dr. Paschal?" she asked incredulously, her throat suddenly dry. _

_Webber's cackle filled the office then. "Yes, the one and only … though …," he winced and shifted in his seat. "I'm sure this was supposed to be some kind of surprise … for you," he admitted. _

"_I'll say," she breathed, her mind propelling light years ahead now, exhaling a sharp sigh of relief and disbelief. "So what does this mean?" she asked, her mind still wild with untamed possibilities. _

"_Well … the board has already approved Derek's proposal …," he said with a proud smile. _

"_Really," she mused, a small smile forming along her face now. _

_He sucked in a deep breath and the smiled too; he nodded in assent. "Why don't you leave this with me ...," he said as he closed the file folder. "Derek's been working on his plan for a while now and I think the details should come from him, don't you?" he asked softly. _

"_Yeah … wow," she breathed. "Just … wow," she whispered from some far off place – he wanted her, Derek wanted her – just as much as she wanted him. _

_###_

An unsolicited giggle fell from Meredith's lips as she leaned down and waved to the taxi driver before he sped off. She turned around with her racing heart intact, the expansive library – _once her home_ – staring back at her, still welcoming, still a place of comfort, even now. She hunkered down and swiftly made her way up the steps, two a time – _'Derek was here … inside somewhere … solidifying their future … her future'_ – these thoughts and more scurried through her mind as she slipped inside her old, trusty enclave. She sighed restlessly and glanced at her watch – _she had about fifteen minutes to spare_ – perfect timing, she thought, wondering once again what Dr. Paschal had to say and if Derek's proposal would suffice as a lure for this brilliant, logical man she had come to respect and admire over the last several years, for he was one of the greats.

She opened her coat and called for the elevator, it was a Friday afternoon so the place was relatively empty – _she loved Fridays in the library for that reason_ – especially when she lived here, she loved the quiet solitude – _the way the lights twinkled when the sun went down _– the view of the quadrangle as students hurried here and there en route to blow off some steam. The elevator arrived and the chime echoed throughout the vaulted lobby. Several students exited and she got on, the doors closed and she was alone.

Meredith sighed once inside and pressed her floor, the elevator began to rise and found herself smiling broadly with no one around to see it. Chuckling, she glanced up, two more floors to go. She reached into her bag and began to fish for the keys to her desk. The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened –_flooding the space with light_ – she spotted her keys and looked up wherein her smile became brighter and even brighter still as her lover, this man who tipped her world and intrinsic beliefs in love to the side, smiled brilliantly back at her and stepped inside the steel box without hesitation. And only then did time stop.

He dropped his bag and was hovering over her within seconds, his fiery blue eyes boring into her endless depths _– she felt her cheeks heat and her knees go weak with all that he did to her, even now, even still_ – she instinctively tilted her head up where his lips landed upon hers, pulsing over their perfect fit. Their mutual sex appeal raging between them akin to unkempt teenage hormones – _their hunger for one another stronger with each passing day_ – their desire for one another coming from a surge of all places within … their minds, bodies and spirits in tune like clockwork now that they had made love countless times – _for it was apparent to both of them – _that they were more than just lovers, for they had truly become _'everything'_ to one another.

"Did you get lost?" Meredith teased breathlessly into his mouth, his lips wet and supple and familiar, she pulled on the lapel of his coat, his husky chuckle breezing between them as her core smoldered with damp heat.

"Hmm, no," he replied, kissing her once more before he pulled back to look at her, his hands submersed in her blond tresses where he held her skull. Meredith smirked; his mind as wild as the intensity he found within her emerald gateways – '_he was so busted'_ – was all he could think. "Did you?" he asked playfully, ignoring the uneven tempo of his heart as he tugged on the collar of her coat, wondering where she had been.

She smiled coyly, pressing a lingering kiss to the underside of his neck "No, just out … an errand, running an errand," she whispered her half-truth as the elevator came to a stop.

_Derek chuckled and picked their bags up, Meredith took his hand and they wandered to her desk without saying a word, though with her cute little smirk, Derek knew she was up to something … and with the intensity of her eyes, he knew that she knew he was too – for she could read him like a book now – though he wasn't complaining, because he truly wanted no secrets between them. And now all he had to do was prove to her just how much he needed her in his life. He watched her walk around her desk and he followed her, the library nearly empty, for it was approaching dinnertime on a Friday, it was par for the course. _

"I just have one file to check on, make sure it's ready for Monday … and then we can go," she smiled and turned to Derek.

_He pulled Sissy's chair out and sat down, his eyes moving over their friend's neat and tidy desk. He smiled thoughtfully as his mind wrapped around a photo of her with Charles at the top of the Eiffel Tower – they were young, their eyes locked on one another rather than the photographer – they were smitten, completely swept away by each other. He blinked and turned to consider Meredith for a beat, her legs crossed under her desk, deep in thought as she glued her eyes to her monitor – the lambent light doing something rather insane to her beauty – a halo, a spotlight, the illumination, it was something else. _

_He was in love, he loved her, his heart racing now as his mind wandered to his conversation with Dr. Paschal, this man – one of the greats was truly inspiring and thankfully had all but agreed to head up the new department – offering praise to Meredith's raw talent in the field of study. To say the doctor was eager would have been understatement. _

He sighed contentedly and focused on his new lover again. "So … are those the boxes?" he asked softly, his eyes fixated on a pair of weathered boxes under her desk before he looked up and spotted his lover's _'library couple'_ gathering their things.

"Yeah, just these two," she answered softly, following his concentrated gaze.

She puffed out a sigh as she watched the couple for a beat – _the back of her mind still racing, her burgeoning curiosity silently killing her as she wondered where and when Derek might divulge his plan_ – for knowing him like she did, this grand gesture of his would be delivered with some kind of sentimental flair. She felt a smile set along her as she watched Derek observe the tiger and the tigress as they batted their knowing eyes at one another – _communicating without words_ – also in-sync … and so in love … so very much in love with one another.

_For love, it was in the air. Or so it seemed. _

Yes, there was love and also lust … for there was the tigress, with her playful blue eyes – _flipping her gorgeous long mane of blond hair out of her coat before she came to stand in front of her buff tiger _– this man who looked like he wanted to eat her alive. She giggled and didn't say anything, save running the tip of her tongue along her lips. He cackled low and deep and laced his fingers through hers before they made a swift exit, no doubt to find the privacy of their enclave following hours and hours of insinuation and innuendos and … _foreplay_.

"They're happy now," Derek muttered, watching Meredith watch the well-suited pair.

"They are …," she whispered, quickly looking around before she leaned on the back of his chair and pressed her lips to his, _pulse, pulse,_ soft and quick. "Happy, just like us," she intimated, smiling as she pulled away.

"Just like us …," he agreed softly as he stared at the love of his life who was now so happy herself, it almost stung his eyes with unfathomable joy.

Meredith sat down next to him and went about checking a large research file she had been compiling for a professor – _it looked like everything was in order_ – she was all set … and ready to go. Moving quickly now, she opened her email client just to make sure there were no additional requests. The email loaded, including one from Floret, her heart lurched when she read the email subject – _'Clinging to Hope' _– she opened the message.

_Meredith,_

_My dear friend, I write to you with ambivalent news. _

_Surely it will take everything I have not to go to this apparent place where our dear Claire is being held. The authorities have been monitoring a man they believe to be her captor, though they have not seen Claire emerge at all from his hostile confines. We are all at the beach now, just waiting and anticipating and I'm afraid I know little else, though I do know our Claire is still alive … she alive and I can only hope that once this ordeal is over … that she can one day become whole and healed. _

_We have hope that should she be strong enough to overcome this, that she too will be strong enough to look beyond these horrifying times in her young life … and see her bright and untarnished future instead. _

_We have hope my dear friend … and we are clinging to it. I will write more soon. _

_With great amounts of love,_

_Floret_

Meredith sat back and sniffled, she felt Derek's warm hand press against her forearm. Tiny tears of hope popped free from her eyes and trickled down her flushed cheeks. "Meredith," came her lover's gentle call.

She turned to this man who had become her _'everything'_ and she could only smile and so could he. "Come … read Floret's latest message," she sighed, pointing to her monitor.

_Derek leaned forward, lacing his fingers through Meredith's as he read on and through Floret's short message of hope. He smiled as he read … soon … the stars would align themselves. For he believed, right along with Meredith and Floret that Claire was indeed alive and full of hope and prospects for the future. For soon … she would emerge. _

"That's something there," he mused wistfully as he turned to Meredith and kissed her sweet lips an pulled free to stare at her, he blinked –_'I love you' _– he wanted to say, just like so many other times during the last week where the deep sentiment nearly fell from his lips – _nearly slipping free of its own accord_ – because he did, love her … and his need to declare it was innate within him.

Meredith shuddered, a wave of impassioned energy ripping up her spine as she lost herself deep inside the intensity of her lover's gaze _– wherein he held her captive, deep inside his mind's eye as he stared at her and she at him_ – and so much like the tiger and the tigress, they spoke to one another then– _'I'm in love with you'_ – she wanted to say … because she did and because there was little doubt in her mind now that he felt the same … yes, given his proposal, this grand gesture of his … she knew he loved her too.

###

The couple stepped outside and made the short distance to Derek's car, each cradling a box of her mother's journals, bags slung over their shoulders, the early evening air stroking their flushed faces. Derek popped the trunk and Meredith set hers down. Derek did the same, followed by their bags.

Meredith exhaled as Derek closed the trunk. She smiled. "Thanks," she murmured, shoving her hands into the deep pockets of her coat, the cooler air waking her up.

"Welcome," he whispered, stepping closer, knowing that Meredith still harbored some anxiety about the permanence of living with him – _not in a way that she didn't want to_ – but moving the last of her mother's belongings to his trailer somehow solidified things between them even more. He pressed a lingering kiss to her temple and breathed her in, his eyes moving over the deserted quadrangle as he did, _June, June, June_. "Where do you want to go?" he asked softly as they swayed in the gentle wind.

Meredith peeked up and met his crystal clear eyes; she smiled. "It's mild out here … do you want to walk over to that bistro?" she asked, drawing him near.

"Sure," he agreed, taking one of her hands, he snaked it into his pocket along with his. He ducked down and kissed her before they headed out, making strides along the far length of the quad.

_As they walked, Derek seized the opportunity to think about when he might want to say something to Meredith – for he'd given great thought to how he might ask her or present his and Seattle Grace's grant proposal to her – hell, who was he kidding, he'd given a great amount of thought to their thing together, post June. His first preparation: drafting a job-share proposal for the Chief of Surgery position. For if there was anything he learned since he met Meredith Grey and Sissy and Charles Marc, it was that there was a lot of life worth living outside the hospital … and suffice to say, the man he was today, would indeed want and need and crave and desire more …of a life with Meredith._

_He sighed and squeezed her hand, almost ready to take the plunge right here, right now, without any pomp and circumstance – but then he followed his lover's steady gaze and stumbled upon another couple – also hand in hand as they halted right in front of a small bronze statue situated amidst a pair of overgrown trees, the statue so small and the trees so large, surely he would have missed it entirely if it weren't for Meredith's fixated stance. _

"What are they doing?" he asked, straining to see what had the couple so stymied. "What is that?" he asked, cocking his head.

"It's a statue, you can't really see it from here," she answered, looking up to him. She smiled at his curiosity. "It's supposed to be good luck – _it's a small bronze statue of that little white rabbit from 'Alice in Wonderland'_ – students rub his foot for good luck," she sighed, her eyes still trained on the enamored couple.

"A rabbit's foot," Derek stated, smiling slightly as the couple retreated, the young woman looking back at the statue as they went. "Do you believe in that sort of superstition?" he asked, knowing Meredith likely wouldn't – _for she was too pragmatic_ – too in charge of her own destiny to leave up to fate, or a rabbit's foot.

"No," Meredith scoffed with a smile.

Derek smirked and altered their course, tugging on her hand as he did. "No?" he asked as they walked closer and closer to the small legend of a statue. "Not even before we met … after you lost your place?" he probed softly.

"No," she said firmly. "That plan was … that plan was temporary, there was no need to make a wish …," she sighed, her voice cracking, teeming with unforeseen emotion. "I just had to make until June … that was the simple truth, no amount of wishing can make time move faster," she rambled softly, her mind wild now with acute memories of how lonely and cold and tired she was before they met. They were almost there.

"It's never too late you know," Derek murmured as he led Meredith straight to the statuette, he draped his arm along her shoulders and drew her near.

"For what?" she asked, looking up into his serious, yet mischievous eyes. He ducked down and kissed her, _massaging her tongue with his, kiss, kiss, pulse … pulse._

"To have hope … to make a wish," he prompted as he pulled back, a wistful tone to his voice.

"No …," she smiled, reflecting on how she seemed to reside inside perpetual cloud of hope as of late. "I guess you're right," she chuckled, bumping her hip against his as they came to stand in front of the small statue, no taller than Meredith, mounted to a sturdy column of marble.

_Derek came to stand behind Meredith to scrutinize the symbol of luck, this bronze replica of the white rabbit – the very first character Alice meets as her adventures begin – this harried rabbit with date to keep, this replica of him a very close match to what Derek remembered of him – a serious expression set upon his face, a vest with a checkered print and his famous pocket watch, this timepiece on the larger side, reminiscent of the one Walt Disney's version of the character toted – Derek smiled and looked down, his tiny rabbit feet, so bright and shiny in contrast to the weathered bronze of the entire rest of the statue … for it was true, students really did rub these little paws … hoping and praying and wishing for their dreams to come true. _

"Why don't you give it a try," he whispered into her ear before brushing his lips up and down the long column of her neck. He felt her shiver in his arms, but he only kissed her sweet flesh again and again. "Just … try … it," he urged between kisses, hoping to weaken her resolve – _for he believed it was healthy sometimes to take a chance and put your faith in something_ – other than was might be practical.

Meredith sighed, melting into Derek's simple touch; his hot breath fanning her neck, his lips so soft, his gentle kisses just as meaningful though. She cleared her throat and lost sight of the statue for a moment as her eyes closed on their accord, her core on fire, her knees weak – _she exhaled and let herself go_ – Derek's words swirling around in her mind …_'just try it'_, she opened her eyes and leaned further into his heat.

"Just … tempt fate," she sighed breathlessly, tilting her head to the side, offering her lover a more expansive canvas to kiss.

"Yeah," he husked into her dewy flesh.

And so she did, she looked down ran her fingertips over the smooth, cold bronze of the mythical rabbit's foot – _run, rub, rub, 'please, please … will our collective dreams to come true, align our stars so that we may be together, let June come and go while we remain connected with full transparency of the clarity within our hearts'_ – she stopped rubbing and held onto the tiny rabbit's foot for another few seconds.

Her heart racing now, her mind wild over the prospect of boldly praying and wishing for this man whom she so clearly loved to find her and keep her as he stood idly behind her and watched – _surely knowing all she might be wishing for was longevity and love – _so much so that she found herself chanting, _'please, please', _she wished and hoped and hoped and wished until she heard the small whisper of her voice.

"Derek," she breathed, gasping for air.

"Hmm," he hummed into her flesh, feeling her succumb to his hold on her.

"How is Dr. Paschal?" she dared herself to ask, doing now exactly as he requested: _tempting fate_.

His heart raced, _bang-bang_. "How did you know?" he asked softly, his head spun off axis.

She turned around and kissed him then – _backing him into a small triangle of darkness_ –the desolate quad behind them now as they ducked under one of the overgrown trees, the lucky relic shrouded with them, still in plain sight. Meredith sighed and made brief eye contact with her lover _– before she draped her arms around his neck as their mouths connected deeply –_ his heat encapsulating her as their bubble of protective energy swooped down and arranged an invisible cover over them wherein Meredith pressed her hand over Derek's heart and felt for that beat that belonged to her – _for it was all she needed to ground herself – bump-bump,_ it pulsed against her palm, fast and regular and purposeful.

Sighing, she pulled back and stared at her man in relative awe, for he was … a mirror … a reflection unto herself – _his heart beating against her palm _– her eyes welling with emotion as she found every confirmation she had been searching for: _his transparent heart, his apparent love for her as it rooted itself deep inside his soulful gateways. _

She smiled and kissed him once more before he released her hungry mouth and pressed his forehead to hers, an uncontrolled giggle escaped from her lips and she shook her head. "Richard Webber …," she smiled thoughtfully and looked up and into her lover's wide eyes. "I … went to see him this afternoon," she recounted, her heart raced.

Derek shook his head in quiet awe. He smiled. "You did …," he prompted, pretty much amazed by Meredith's bravery, emotion funneled to his eyes and stung his nose, he sniffled, cradling his woman's skull in his hands. "You amaze me," he murmured before he kissed her, plucking her lips, _once, twice_. "Talk to me," he encouraged.

"I've applied for a handful of grants, the proposals have been submitted _– I went to see him because I needed an introduction to the board of directors_ – and I know, I could have asked you for help …but … ," she breathed, her mind working on overdrive, snippets of her conversation with Webber swirling around in her mind.

"But …," Derek prompted, holding her steady.

"But … I want to stay in Seattle … with you," she sighed, carefully spacing her words so she could get it all out without shedding a tear. "I want you Derek … and I wanted to do this, make this gesture because … I wanted … you to know just how much you mean to me," she said, her whole body trembling, her nerves shot.

"You went to Grace alone … again … for me," Derek smiled broadly, kissing her with reverence as relief consumed him, his body humming with want and desire for her. "You really do want me … us … this thing … as much as I want you …," he husked into her mouth.

"God yes," she answered without hesitation, the deep union of their kiss never pausing. "I want you … I want it all with you," she whispered, _kiss, kiss._

_Derek pulled back, finding his lover with ease under the canopy of bliss they had created – his eyes darted to the statuette wherein he scrutinized the rabbit's serious face for a lost beat in time, 'thank you, thank you', he chanted silently, incredibly lost and found at the same time – Meredith's cool fingertips flanked the handsome planes of his cheeks and only then did he engage with her again. _

"Dr. Paschal …," he smiled. "Said it would be an honor to work with you," he sighed, pushing his woman's chin up to stare at her clarity. "He all but signed the contracts right there on the spot Meredith," he said softly, the emotion lodged in her eyes all most too intense to watch, '_I love you,'_ he said without words. He watched her blink back her joyful tears.

Meredith shook her head – _hardly believing all that was going on_ – secretly wanting Derek to pinch her so she might wake up from this glorious dream of alignment and transparent love. Her mind moving over the facts before she faltered on one major unknown – _not necessarily a deal breaker_ – though raising money for a trial and research like this wouldn't be easy … she would have to use both her mother and Paschal's names – _she'd have to be the nepotist_ – and she would, if only for the disease and ... for love … _'I love you'_, she chanted silently from somewhere low and deep … this special place, _'I love you'_, she said with her eyes.

She smiled and lost herself for moment, her lover's lips upon hers again, delivering a series of searing kisses – _his cool mouth tamping out the fire that smoldered on her lips_ – she pulled, breathless, panting … much like she always was from their games of passion. She scanned his eyes, asking her many questions without words – '_why, how, when'_ – but he only smiled and held her close and rocked her in his capable arms, his nose brushing against hers, cool and wet.

"What about the grants?" she dared herself to ask. "Do you think we have a chance?" she wondered aloud, her mind wild with everything they suddenly stood to lose.

"You don't need them," he assured with small smile.

"No …," she sighed, shaking her head.

"No …," he assured, his smile wider now as he tilted his head, her eyes green, clear … so clear they were almost transparent. He took a staggering deep breath and then he spoke to her with quiet fervor. "I put the money up," he declared. Meredith's eyes grew wide while his became wet.

"Derek," she breathed, her heart banging around in her chest, his words on instant relay, _'I put the money up.'_

He held her close. "Don't say anything else – _I'm funding this thing _– because I want you," he said firmly, his tiny tears popped free. "I want you to have _everything_ … everything you ever wished for – _I could care less about the money and I'm not trying to buy you _– I just want it all with you too," he professed, watching a set of small tears cascade down her heart-shaped face, _'I love you'_, he whispered silently, wiping those tears away with his thumbs. "I want it all … especially our thing," he husked, pressing his mouth over hers again as her hold on him tightened right along with her tenacity to make it all work.

Meredith reluctantly pulled back, flanking her hands on his skull, her eyes moved over his, dancing within his happiness for a beat. "You're the amazing one," she stated softly.

Derek locked his eyes with hers and shook his head. "No … I'm not," he whispered. "I'm just inspired," he explained without blinking.

"Hmm, so am I," Meredith breathed. "I'm clinging to hope, Derek … I really am," she smiled broadly.

"So am I, Meredith … so am I," he assured into their heat, because he really was … he was full … of hope.

Meredith's eyes never vacillating as she found and kept the love she saw within Derek's gateways in that moment. This moment that Meredith Grey would replay in her mind's eye for her whole life tocome – _the memory of these cherished moments just too great and too inspiring and too full of hope to forget_ – for their hearts were indeed aligned and transparent with more than enough mutual love and adoration and desperation to make the longevity of their thing … _materialize._

**Chapter 16 to follow.**


	22. Chapter 16, Dandelion's Roar

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Thanks to all who are interested in this story and especially those who are thoughtful enough to leave a note for me, it means so much! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 16 – Dandelion's Roar **

Derek flexed his wrist and glanced at his watch – _Meredith would be home within the hour_ – he smiled tightly and carefully made his way through the small cluster of aged pine trees en route to the bluff, this magical place they found and connected with last weekend, this same magical place he had a vivid dream about last night. And so drawn was he by this dream that as he walked out there again, he pondered the accessibility and feasibility of the locale and what it might mean to build a home or some other kind of retreat out there … because within just the last week, the place had already become _'theirs'_.

And upon that thought, he abruptly came to a stop, his heart beating wildly, racing at the prospect of building … _a home_ … even if he was getting ahead of himself (which had always been his problem with women, too much too soon, the scare factor, that intensity that either drove his former lovers away or gave them the urge to take advantage of his good nature). He sighed and took another couple of steps and came to stand under the thick canopy of the pines and once there he stopped again.

He turned around and looked back from whence he came – _less than mile from the familiarity of the trailer _– a makeshift path behind him, one that easily could be made with a car, until this point, this place where he stood right here, right now. He turned halfway around and allowed his eyes to adjust to the small clandestine place, this pocket of serene darkness hidden from even the life of acres of land that surrounded it – _he breathed, the damp, thick air of the forest floor filled his lungs_ – organic, heavy, rich; he breathed again, his eyes skimming the enclave … evergreen with spots of fragmented light from above.

The wind moved, the high branches swayed, their creak echoing throughout, the clearing, the bluff almost within reach now, right along with his dream. A tight smile formed along his face as he pressed on, his mind still wild with possibilities when something entirely unexpected caught his eye – _a yellow glow like that of rare sunshine _– though brighter and even more beautiful still. And so with his eyes set on the horizon he made the last of his steps and moved out from under the cluster of trees, somewhat awestruck by the sight before him … _dandelions … thousands of them._

Their growth almost overnight, their tiny blooms swaying in the gentle breeze – _the heavy, wet air no match for their jubilant dance_ – for they were strong, yet delicate and oh so tenacious in their pollination. He stepped further out and looked on, as far as the eye could see – _he swam in a sea of the tiny yellow flowers _– where all he could think about was Meredith and how she was going to flip when she saw this spring of new life. His eyes fell on the lone oak tree, perched on the edge of the pine forest, its roots large and knotted, a perfect place to sit he thought now as he gently waded through the waves of flowers, careful to avoid stepping on them, though it was an arduous task.

Once there, he slid down and sat on the damp earth and let his eyes roam over the expansive view in front of him – _a small sleepy town lay below his high perch, the overcast skies high above him_ – the cooler air funneling across the clearing only to drop over the bluff, whipping below. He closed his eyes and listened to the birds call to one another and to leaves rustling overhead and to the branches as they swayed and creaked and creaked and swayed. He opened his eyes again and smiled broadly at the tiny dandelions, just a yelp individually, though quite a roar when seen in the masses such as this.

He glanced at his watch again – _hardly able to contain the anticipation of Meredith's return_ – for he had all but finalized his revised job-sharing schematic for the Chief of Surgery position, everything having come together once he had confirmed that Richard wasn't wholly ready to retire. So as it was presented to the hospital board of directors yesterday, the plan was for Derek and Richard to share the roles and responsibilities until Richard was firm on his exit strategy. Thereafter, Derek proposed a similar division of responsibilities for he and Erica Hahn (_though she wasn't aware of those fine details yet_). And he was more than relieved and pleased with the outcome and the way things were coming together, for it was his objective to have a little bit of _'everything'_ in his life.

It was balancing act, one that he was poised to try because Meredith was right, he would be giving up a lot by assuming that Chief role – _and it wasn't just about him anymore, or hiding his pain or loneliness _– but more about saving lives _and_ living his own to the fullest. He blinked, the dandelions danced, he smiled and the air moved through his wild raven locks. He hunkered down and enjoyed the view and let himself dream – _just this once, right now –_ of all that could happen upon this ridge … of the life that could be lived …and what a lovely life he saw, just as vivid as his dreamscapes from the night prior. His PDA vibrated against his hip – _he pulled the device free and steadied his eyes on the caller ID _– and therein his dreams merged with his reality.

"Hi," he said into the phone, a broad smile etched upon his handsome face. "How was the movie?" he asked of her.

Meredith giggled. _"The movie was … great, just as wonderful as I remembered it to be,"_ she answered, her voice trembling slightly over the line. _"Where are you?"_ she asked softly. _"Because I'm home and I have news … and you're not here," _she sighed.

"I'm on the bluff, you gotta see this place," he smiled. "Come meet me," he suggested. "What's your news?" he asked, his mind still wild with possibilities.

"_In person Derek, when I see you …,"_ she said softly and he could tell she was smiling too. _"Let me go, so I can come …,"_ she whispered and then she was gone, though the breathless excitement of her tone lingered on the line.

###

Meredith's mind went berserk – _her hands were trembling as stock images from 'Flashdance' billowed through her mind_ – this film about hope and dreams and tenacity, one that Sissy wanted to take her to see this afternoon on the big screen, this film that still made her cry – _even now, especially now_ – considering the surge of joy she felt when they exited the theater when she finally did get that phone call with the message she had been waiting for: _Claire was home. _

_Home. Safe and sound. Warm and dry. Loved and cherished. Hugged and rocked. Home. Home._

Another curtain of tears fell from her eyes and landed on her hot cheeks then. She sighed loudly and gripped her cell phone, this new lifeline, steadying herself, her wild eyes scanning the trailer for a beat before she spotted Derek's empty backpack near the door. She smiled and lunged forward, moving quickly now, she grabbed everything she needed – _one blanket, then another, a bottle of wine, two plastic tumblers, whatever cheese was in the mini fridge and finally some crackers and grapes_ – heaving a breathless sigh as she situated her loot inside the backpack, stopping only to toss her hair up into a messy bun before she smiled, her cheeks pink with excitement now as she swiftly exited the trailer.

Skipping down the steps, she headed to the bluff – _her new favorite spot on Derek's land, this place they stumbled upon last weekend_ – she sighed and took a deep breath of the fresh air, suppressing it down and into her lungs, waiting now for that feeling of alignment that typically coursed through her as she walked out, no different than the first time Derek brought her out here almost two months ago. She pulled the backpack tighter and began to walk faster as her mind barreled through all that had happened during the brevity of their relationship thus far.

Tears of untamed joy slipped from her eyes and the path became blurred for an instant before she blinked the balance of those tears away and let them cascade down her face – _her direction, her path, her destination _– once again visible with striking clarity. Ducking into the small shelter of the cluster of aged pine trees, she felt the urge to run and so she did, navigating her course, one eye on the ground the other on the small opening at the end of the clearing, her mind and heart in a frenzy now to get to her man – _'Derek, Derek, Claire, Derek' _– she found herself chanting as she ran, her heart stopping when she happened upon the bluff.

"Derek!" she called, her voice rang out, raspy, desperate. Her eyes moving swiftly, so caught of guard from the spring of wild dandelions that she came to a complete stop, though her heart raced on and on, thumping loudly into her ears when she spotted her lover coming for her. She met his eyes and held him steady while he did the same for her. "Wow," she panted, smiling brightly as he came to stand in front of her.

"Unbelievable isn't it?" he asked, finding himself breathless just from the sight of her with her flushed cheeks and bright green eyes wet with surprise – _eyes so beautiful they still stunned him_ – still so drawn to her that pulled her close, cupping her face in his chilly hands where he cradled her there in relative awe for a lost beat in time.

"It's gorgeous," she smiled, basking in his radiant heat as happy tears pricked her eyes, his gateways so crystal clear, so youthful, so wild with passion it almost hurt to look at him.

"Something has made you happy," he prompted before he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her senseless, the heavy backpack falling to the ground as she draped her arms around his neck and deepened their union.

_And so there they stayed for a long moment, wrapped inside the intensity of their connectivity – with the dandelions dancing in the wind, the sun high in the sky above them – the weather mild with the month of May as they began to sway inside their intimate embrace, falling in line with the tempo of the natural symphony all around them. _

"Your news," Derek wondered, pulling his mouth from hers, the nerves of their swollen lips still touching, he breathed her in, kissing her once more before he pulled back and was once again struck by the unreadable flash he spied within … both glassy and gorgeous … and full of untamed hope.

"It's Claire," Meredith answered, her voice besieged by emotion. "She's home Derek," she announced as the wells of her eyes runneth over … _slip, slip, slip_, she blinked and released those tears, her face contorted – _'the girl was home, she was free'_ – she chanted silently as Derek drew her near, his embrace akin to warm blanket … soothing, calming; she closed her eyes and basked in their collective energy.

_Derek's head spun; he felt Meredith relax against him. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and breathed her in – sweet and flowery and familiar, she smelled like home – he tightened his hold upon her, anchoring himself and her as well as he too closed his eyes and swayed in the wind. _

"What a blessing," he murmured after a long minute.

_Opening his eyes, he watched the dandelions move in the wind, his heart racing at the news, another chill ran up his spine – 'the girl was home, she was safe, sound, home, free' – was all he could think now, and though he'd never met Claire, the more he learned about her, the more he liked her, for she reminded him of Meredith – strong, tenacious and witty – and therein, he found himself clinging to that hope that she too would be found. _

Meredith craned her neck up and back, finding and seeking her lover's watery eyes through hers. She sniffled and he smiled brilliantly. "Do you know what she said when they asked her how she managed?" she prompted, pinning her eyes on the choppy sea she found within his. Still somewhat speechless, he answered her with a simple shake of his head. "She said, _'I had hope'_," she whispered with a smile of her own.

"Hmm, just like we did," he mused with a smile; Meredith sighed in agreement, further submitting to his hold on her. "God, Floret must be over the moon," he sighed, unable to look away from his woman's glowing physique.

She smiled and watched Derek's face light up much like it usually did when his mind was soaring a million miles away – _his eyes clear and bright, a small smile etched along his handsome features_ – his thoughts surely whimsical, more like a dream than reality, for if she had learned anything about Derek, it was that he was a hopeful optimist. And those beliefs in ideals like true love and soul mates somehow made him a believer in fate and destinies fulfilled – _and for once in her life _– Meredith wanted to believe right along with him.

"Kiss me," she said softly, the wind carrying her breathless request away where it danced, skipping over top of the dandelions, _swirl, swirl, swirl._

_And so he did as she asked, ducking his head down to massage her perfect-fit lips with his – kissing her long and hard, feeling the give and take of it all as he swiftly made love to her mouth – his tongue flicking against hers, his hands nestled tight against her skull, his fingertips brushing against her tight, messy bun where they stayed. Time ticked on though they were truly lost, kissing, loving, caressing and cradling one another now, the couple danced as their vivid dreams of the future soared, no longer held back – rather unleashed into the atmosphere akin to the dandelion's pollination and the realized hope of a tomorrow for young Claire – yes, they kissed and kissed on the blessing of her safe return … home. _

Derek's PDA vibrated against his hip, forcing the couple up for air, their mutual spell momentarily broken as they kissed one more time before he snapped the device free and peered down at the LCD. "It's Richard," he sighed, smiling at Meredith. "Hold that thought," he sassed, swallowing her giggle as he kissed her once more while he accepted the call.

Meredith smiled, watching Derek for a beat before she turned her focus once again on the beauty that surrounded them – _it really was magical up here, especially with the plush goldenrod carpet of dandelions, their pigment blushing the overcast skies with a faint afterglow of their color_ – she breathed and let the world fall further away. She blinked and watched Derek for a moment longer as he spread one wool blanket on the ground before he moved on to pull her loot free.

The wind changed directions and Meredith found herself turning away from Derek so the gusts pushed against her back, prodding her, urging her to move – _chanting, 'go, change, live, hope'_ – as she meandered toward the edge of the bluff, letting her eyes roam on the sleepy town below, the vantage point just slightly different from this small pocket of heaven compared with other spots they had found along the ridge, for this grassy knoll, slightly elevated, was the stuff of magic – _it was a place that truly transcended above all other places _– a place where clarity and hope were so easily found.

With dreams of the future filling her vacant mind now, she swayed in the wind as tiny tears pricked her eyes where all of a sudden she felt the full release of everything she had been holding inside for so long already. For having held herself upon another plane of existence since Claire's abrupt disappearance, it was only now in this moment that she finally acquiesced to it all – _the stress, the worry, the drastic change of her misfortune as it became her greatest gift (love and love returned)_ – and therein, she finally let go of the angst, feeling her nerve endings pop, her endorphins release and the percolation of hope as it bubbled to the surface – _sustaining itself as her primary focus_ – yes, with her greatest woes behind her now, she truly relaxed enough to accept that all of this, her life and what it had become, was not a dream, but her reality.

And upon this realization, her body trembled, still swaying in the wind as the horizon became lost in the distance for a brief moment – _before she blinked her tears back_ – and smiled broadly, once again chanting, '_she was home, the girl was home, she was safe and sound and home, finally home where she belonged'_ … and then she blinked again, grounding herself, finally knowing in her heart of hearts that everything was as it should be … for she was lost and then she was found, her heart saturated with hope now as she turned around once again to watch her beacon … her lover … her _'everything'_.

She tilted her head and considered him, this man whom she had fallen deeply in love with – _this man who offered her his home, a place in his world_ – a place where she too found everything she needed: _safety, warmth, love._ She loved him and nothing would ever change that and therein she knew there was no turning back.

So as Derek disconnected from his phone call and dropped the PDA on the blanket in front of him, she found his eyes and held him there inside this moment wherein she realized that this was it – _that she had miraculously found everything she never knew she wanted_ – and she knew now that her surreptitious dreams had become her reality so seamlessly that it could have only been dictated by her fate or her destiny … for maybe she was destined to lose her place and come to terms with her feelings about love and the longevity of relationships for the sole purpose of being truly found.

_For she had a place, she had a home, she was loved (she knew this to be true) and as it turned out, Claire was not the only one who had begun to cling to hope. _

Derek smiled brilliantly and so did she, her whole body humming now with anticipation for the future as he took a step toward her before he stopped and stood still and waited. And so with their eyes fastened tight and their minds and spirits aligned, Meredith lost herself inside the magic of the moment and the deep sea of her lover's clear blue eyes,so rich with his dreams now that she could almost see them for herself.

"Meredith," he called softly into the wind.

But she stayed in her spot and closed her eyes for brief moment and listened to his soul-filled call travel in the wind, his timbre _level, even, familiar_ just like a song she knew by heart. He called her name again and she felt a smile form along her face and it was one of permanence and surety. She opened her gateways to find him after few more seconds and there he was, right where she left him _– his eyes clear, so clear she could __see__ his path, for he was both lost and found within the same sea of dandelions she found herself within _– another set of joyful tears premiered inside her eyes, but she could only stare her man, shrouded under the looming oak tree, well-hidden inside their spot secluded from the rest of the world.

And so as he stayed and waited, she began to move, walking briskly now through that goldenrod carpet where she found herself upon him in no time, her breathing stacked, her cheeks flushed, her eyes never leaving his. She smiled and stood just outside of his personal space where he was so much of everything all at once: _windswept, carefree, youthful._

Smiling, he tilted his head and thoughtfully gave her the balance of this private moment she obviously needed … until ... she felt herself move, taking one step and then another, she walked straight into his personal space, flanking her hands upon his beautiful face as she did, silently grounding herself while her heart beat wildly for him and no other, _'boom-boom, boom-boom'_.

'_Boom-boom, boom-boom'_, her heart-chant still strong, but she only smiled and shook her head; feeling her cheeks heat as she watched the flecks of depth in his eyes multiply – _the darkened intensity like nothing she'd ever seen before_ – it was endless, like the discovery of a new orbital black hole (_or perhaps the quantification of how much he also loved her_) and therein she was rendered thunderstruck, so lost and inexplicably found that she somehow trusted herself to speak.

"Do you … remember what I said to you about love, the day I met you and … you moved my room, do you remember, Derek?" she found herself asking. "Do you remember how destitute I was – _and not only in the material way_ – but in the way of my … hopelessness?" she pondered aloud, her heart trembling akin to a leaf on a vine, seconds away from its inevitable free-fall. She smiled and tilted her head, finding all of the solace she needed from within her man. He nodded and his eyes became glassy. "I said … _'love does terrible things'_," she sniffled and her heart raced.

"I remember," he whispered, the wind pushed against his back; he responded by stepping closer to her innate heat. "I do … I remember everything you've ever said to me," he sighed, his love for her compounding as he stared at her in wonder. "And now, how do you feel about love?" dared himself to ask, pinning his fists to her trim hips where they stayed.

"I'm full of hope," she smiled, caressing his face, tilting her head up. "I feel like I've been found … just like Claire," she whispered, her voice cracked, splicing into their confessional.

"We found each other," Derek mused, swaying with her as the trees danced slowly behind them … his dream of things to come, alive and well.

"We did … and I … I found out what love can really do, what it's made of … and what it can make someone do for someone else," she swallowed hard, her mind briefly landing on her mother before she set her free …_ for good. _

_Derek pressed his lips together and she watched his face contort with more palpable emotion than she could fathom. She blinked and set her tears free where they anchored upon her face and slipped down, down, down. She leaned up and kissed his wet cheeks and cold lips, kiss, kiss, love … love … love. _

"I love you," she finally whispered, her voice raw and unearthed as she stared into his eyes without blinking – _'I love you' _– she chanted silently though her sentiment raged so deeply it sounded more like a lion's roar.

Derek smiled and felt tiny tears prick his eyes. "Amazing …," he muttered in awe of his woman's bravado, _'I love you too,'_ he said without words, for he knew she had more to say … to declare … and this was her time.

She smiled weakly, she pressed on. "Loving you … being in love with you … it's so far from terrible I don't even have word for it … God, the way I love you …," she cried softly, rapidly blinking away her tears. "It's so …," she husked, her voice trailing off as she pressed her palms upon his chest wherein she could do no more than to give of herself completely. "It's all-consuming, Derek … it's so full of life and hope that it hurts," she trembled as he gathered her into the safety of his embrace where everything was okay and blessed and whole and healed as it always was when he held her in his arms.

_And so there they stood for a long minute, each caressing, holding, cherishing and loving one another. Derek pressed his lips to Meredith's crown and began to relax, finally relax, for he knew for a while now that he'd fallen in love with Meredith almost immediately – maybe even from the first moment she opened her eyes in that hospital bed – and somehow that love became both beautiful and painful, for his suppression of his deep feelings for her had taken its toll._

_For it had been hard to withhold what he felt so innately, even harder considering his track record for saying too much too soon, for wanting it all (though never had he felt an immediate connection with another woman like he did with Meredith, never had he known just how strong the ties of true love really were). For the way she looked at him that first day told him she was something else, a force to be reckoned with – with her wild soul striking him down – this beautiful way she looked at him as if she was seeing right through him. And whatever it was, Derek knew he would be forever changed by her, though what he didn't know, or couldn't have known, was that she might evolve to be as equally changed by knowing him. _

_Pulling back now, he ducked down and gently massaged her mouth with his, teasing her lips open to deepen their kiss and thereby solidifying her pledge. He kissed her once more, rocking her in his arms as he did, tasting the salt of their tears on his tongue, kiss, kiss, before he moved away a fraction of an inch to make his own declarations. _

"It does hurt," he agreed, his voice raw with unearthed emotion. "This kind of big love – _the kind of love I have for you_ – it's mind-bending … insane even," he muttered against her swollen lips as tufts of hot air passed between them. His knees went weak as he locked his wild eyes with hers – _green and crystal clear –_ moving his thumbs along her damp cheeks. He smiled broadly and her giggle erupted, funneling out of her depths with such joy, his heart alighted until he felt weightless. He kissed her sweet lips, grounding himself once again. "I've been in love with you … it feels like it's been for … ever," he shook his head at his insanity and yet, he knew it was the truth. "I love you," he said simply. "I love you," he repeated, pulling away from her just enough to really look at her. "So madly, so deeply … I cannot live without you in my life," he confessed softly, brushing his lips against the lifeline he found within hers.

Meredith gently kissed him back now, relief washing over her like a hot shower on a freezing day – _her nerve endings eased, the tension finally ebbing, her bone marrow melting inside its tough casing_ – her heart rate slowing _down, down_ and into a smooth easy rhythm, one that beat in tandem with her lover's, this man whom she also could not live without.

###

_Somewhere in the fog of ecstasy, the couple had migrated to the wool picnic blanket where Meredith presently lay flush against Derek, her head on his chest, his back resting against the trunk of the oak, his lips pressed into her hair, his eyes closed in bliss just like hers. Mild air breezed across the clearing and he felt Meredith shiver, opening his eyes, he pulled the extra wool blanket up, draping it over her shoulders wherein she hugged his torso tighter and became even heavier in his arms. Focusing on the horizon once again, his eyes swept along the bluff and he lost himself in the simplistic way the dandelions were jostled on their short stems. He leaned back and ran his hand up and down Meredith's back – 'she loves me' – was all he could think as she stirred in his arms and draped her knee over his thighs. And only then did he smile again and closed his eyes, losing sight of the horizon … for now. _

###

Meredith hunkered down and kissed Derek back, having taken a short nap, the couple soon woke up only to engage in a heated make out session, the cooler wind cooling them down as they kissed and kissed – _shoes and jackets long gone_ – their heated bodies melded against one another as they lay together – _her hands in his hair, then cupping his face, the weight of his body pinning her down, one knee raised, her pussy already wet and pulsing with raw need _– she writhed beneath him and sucked on his talented tongue, his free hand moving up her abdomen beneath her shirt, skin on skin contact … there was nothing like it … nothing at all like it.

She moaned into his mouth as his fingers found her nipples through the light cotton of her camisole – _the flesh of her breasts swaying with the staccato of her breathing as she arched her back in response to his ministrations, her pleasure points wound tight_ – her mouth open in acceptance to the increasing demand of his passionate kisses. And yet, she wanted more – _she wanted him, right here, right out in the wild _– and as he pressed his hard cock against the point of her hipbone, she knew he wanted her too.

Slipping her hand down, she snaked her fingers between their bodies and pulled on the button fly of his jeans before slipping her hand therein to palm his rock hard muscle. Her body officially waking up now as she worked him over, just the feeling of his velvety soft skin moving over his rod was enough to make her want to cum from all that she did to him. Add to that, his growls of pleasure and the slight gyration of his hips and she was completely gone – _her ego stroked in tandem with his cock as she fisted him_ – moving her hand up and down his steely shaft while her pussy systematically pulsed in response.

Fever pricking her skin now too as he attacked her neck and the small valley between her breasts, searing her flesh with a round of tenacious open mouthed kisses until he slowed his pace and found her mouth again – _kissing her senseless as he began to massage her pussy along the goldenrod seam of her jeans _– her damp sexual heat radiating from within as she bucked her hips while his manhood grew thicker inside of her tight grasp upon him … _stroking him up, down, pulse, pulse … pulse. _

"I need you … want you," Derek husked into their heat, his wild eyes pinned to hers now, jackknifing his thigh to offer her easier access – _she pumped him, up, down – _a tiny smirk etched along her face as she did. "Let's go … home …," he choked out, his cock pulsed and he stopped massaging her,_ breathing in, out, in, out, _he left his hand cupped over her damp pussy, easily felt through her jeans –_ hot, hot, wet, hot_ – hmm, he wanted to feel her … an untapped resource of feral need consumed him … he unzipped the short fly of her jeans.

"No … stay … right here," Meredith whined, her hot breath fanning their faces; his fingers flanked her damp folds now, only a thin piece of cotton between them as she released his cock and pushed her jeans down and over her tush. "I want you … here …," she husked, taking his hand, she began to massage her folds with his fingers, a film of her slick sex sticking to her panties as she did. "Hmm … feels … so … good," she responded, pushing his jeans over his hips now as he continued to work her over.

"Hmm, you do … you feel so good," he agreed, hovering over her for a beat before he moved flush against her, dragging his mouth along her exposed skin, nipping at her neck, pulling the damp fabric of her panties aside where he gently eased his finger through her folds and into her molten channel –_ soaked with sex, slick, hot, ready_ – her hips reflexively bucking _up, up _as his mouth found hers again. "I want you … naked," he said against her lips.

_Meredith's giggle filled the air as Derek pulled his finger from her opening, hovering over her for a brief moment before he gathered her in his arms and they stood up together. He kicked his jeans off and there they stood still, both half naked, the cooler air pricking their skin as they held one another; eyes locked, lips barely touching. Derek breathed, pitching his hips forward as he moved his mouth, dragging his open lips to the hallow of her neck and then down and into the valley of her cleavage, nipping at the swell of her breasts before he knelt down and kissed her taut abdomen; his hands working to free her feet from her jeans while he pressed a chaste kiss to her delicate hipbones, inhaling her pungent sex as he did. _

_He felt Meredith's long fingers caress his skull as she pushed her hands through his wild locks and held on akin to a vise – his hot breath ricocheting, slamming him in the face, his lover trembling, her body writhing from his touch – for she needed more and so did he. Their mutual desire for one another so instinctual now that he gave her what she so desperately needed: his open mouth on her pussy. He inhaled and released, hot, hot, hot – only the tiny, damp triangle of cotton a barrier now as he took all she had to give and lingered there – her sexual essence tickling his throat, the damp heat of his breath heating her up whilst cooling her down …she was sweet and spicy … his. _

_He inhaled again, the trigger-sense of her familiar sex arresting him still now as she moaned, her breathless call for him hanging on a high tree branch above them, swaying in the wind – 'Derek' – he heard her call again, her fingers slipping beneath her panties as she pushed them down, revealing her naked and glorious sex … for him. _

_He swallowed hard, all coherent thought gone from his mind now as he pressed his mouth and nose into her sultry mound, his eyes darting up to spy on his lover as he breathed her in, the sweet essence of her raw sex filling his lungs to capacity now as he watched her head loll back, her celebrated chant escaping from her lips once again … 'Derek'._

_He felt a course shiver rip up her spine then and the spell was halted temporarily as he sat back on his heels and grabbed the extra blanket before he stood and draped the woven fabric along her shoulders, his mouth finding hers as he stepped inside her personal space – her arms encircling his neck where she pulled him near, his pulsing cock straining against his boxers – their combustible heat and sexual energy trapped between them now as they kissed long and hard and everything in between. _

"The fog's rolling in," Derek muttered against her mouth, the damp heat inside the blanket warming their collective bone marrow. "It'll be cold later," he smirked as he pushed his boxers over his hips, releasing his hard muscle between them. He stepped closer, pinning himself between them, kissing her in earnest now as he swallowed her breathless moans, _kiss, kiss … kiss._

"You'll keep me warm," she sassed, his sticky sex leaving a snail's trail along her abdomen as his cock rolled between them – _her heat of arousal pooling along her folds_ – her feral need for him materializing via every pulse of her lips and shudder felt deep within her core.

_With his instinctual needs in mind, Derek pushed his hands beneath his lover's shirts and pulled the last of her garments over her head before tossing them aside and removing his own – leaving them naked and pressed together in the enclave of the wool blanket now, his hands moving all over her exposed flesh – his caress gentle, his skilled fingers probing, her nipples and nerves puckering in response. He pulled the blanket from her shoulders and swiftly wrapped it around his before he pulled her close, anchoring his lips to hers – deepening their kiss to make steadfast love to her mouth as they knelt down together – his body flush against hers as they lay down, skin against skin … heat against heat … lover against lover, the second blanket encapsulating their heat now. _

Meredith opened her heavy eyes and found her man, the halo of filtered light above him somehow softening his defined edges, those handsome planes of his face she loved so much – _the intensity of his eyes slightly muted as if she was dreaming, they twinkled, shimmering as he looked at her_ – she smiled and felt the caress of his fingertips as they danced along her nude body, tickling her breasts, moving lower and lower before he dipped one through her folds, gently pulsing against her strong vaginal muscles … the heat inside their blanket turned up so high it consumed them.

"I'm so hot … for you … for us," she breathed into his neck, pulsing her hips up against the rhythm of tempo, raising her arms above her head – _the backs of her hands falling outside the perimeter of their blanket_ – resting now on the cool, plush layer of dandelions.

_Derek leaned over and kissed his lover's swollen lips, his finger consumed by her arousal, the frictional heat of her pussy almost too much to bear, his cock twitched, pinned between his abdomen and her outer thigh before she reached down and began to stroke him where he grew even longer just for her. Pulling back, he regarded her for a moment before he bent over and plucked at each of her beaded peaks – so delicious, so dark and round and perfect – all the while he stroked her soaked pussy, her abundant sexual juice coating his fingers as he worked. Pulling his mouth from her nipples and his fingers from her pussy now, he raised his head, hovering over her for a beat before he eased himself into the apex of her thighs, her sex warm and wet, his hot cock positioned over the soft hair of her mound. _

And as his lips found hers again, Meredith clasped her feet around the small of his back, opening her eyes to find her lover, his cock still pinned between them, her pussy on fire from her want of him. Sighing heavily, she reached up and cradled his skull in her hands, tilting her head, he smiled and so did she – _bucking her hips up and back now she effortlessly repositioned his cock at her entrance where her muscles pulsed, the tip of his rod breaching her folds, both slick and ready_ – she relaxed her thighs, he stroked her then, using just his sensitive head, _in, out, in, out … in, out … in, in, in_ … until he sank deeper and deeper into her supple channel – _their eyes locked, their minds and spirits on the same plane of existence now, for they were aligned _– deep sighs of satisfaction filled their personal space … deep eyes filled with love and adoration … they kissed, now poised to make love.

_Derek gasped, the wind sucked out of him as he looked at his woman, her hands upon his face – her thighs and pussy open and ready – her mystery, her secrets all gone now, for she finally had nothing to hide … she was an open book. And possessively, he knew she belonged to him – that he was, in part, responsible for the believer in love she had become today – this woman she would be for him and no one else, for she learned to love him first … and there was nothing quite like the give and take of true love. Of course he knew this now, for he had also grown under her watchful eye. Meredith's muscles pulsed with ownership around him, clench, clench – she worked him over while he stroked her pussy – bumping his cock against her cervix, nice and deep, just how she liked it. _

_The air was suddenly hot, stifling between them as he slowly made love to her, his lips pressed against her collarbone, her fingers set gently against his toned ass where she held him in place – in … out … in … out – her sweet essence coated their machine … slippery, wet, slick, more, more … he found her emerald eyes, the dandelions crowing her beautiful head like a halo, he slowed his tempo and kissed her swollen lips, once again sucking in a deep breath of their air as he stared at her … pulse, pulse, 'mine, mine'. _

"You should see yourself right now," he whispered, swallowing hard, his cock still penetrating her depths, _slow, easy, slow, slow … slow_ … delirium consuming him with every pulse he made; he never wanted to stop.

Meredith kissed him then, her tongue dancing with his as she arched her back and grabbed a hold of his neck and pulled him to her – _his soft chest hair tickling her sensitive nipples, her thighs wide open, her sex raw and plentiful_ – she pulled back and found him, already lost within the endless ocean of his eyes. "What do you see?" she asked breathlessly as he pumped her well, _down, down_, she rolled her hips up and back, taking all he had to give.

He slowed his rhythm, resting his weight on his forearms, dipping his head down to capture her lips, both supple and warm – _he found himself craving more of those kisses that belonged solely to him –_ his heart melted, _kiss, kiss, 'more, more'_. "I see you … the _'you'_ you've become …," Derek husked against her open mouth. "Suddenly so young … so … carefree …," he mused, caressing her body with one hand, his cock lengthening as he watched her watch him, _pulse, pulse,_ he slipped his free hand between them, his fingers already in position to tease her needy clit. "And in love," he husked as he began to massage her bundle of nerves while he pulsed and pulsed into her depths.

"Hmm … so true … and so … full of … you," Meredith heaved, her vaginal muscles stretching to accommodate all he had become. Her head spinning now as euphoric bliss began to claim her – _just as Derek had claimed her in mind, body and spirit –_ this woman who, in the end, would come to love him like no other before her. "I love you," she husked; baby tears stung her eyes on the sentiment, made so reverently now as he made love to her. "So much," she confessed, giving herself to him_… pulse, pulse …_ her eyes rolled back, her clit smoldered – _her lover's rhythmic touch, so perfect –_ so intense that she truly was consumed by him and everything he managed to do to her … _over and over again. _

"And I love you, so much," he murmured, holding her captive inside his eyes, unable to blink or look away for fear he would disintegrate.

_His mind went blank then, the dandelions roared all around them, dancing in the wind as he picked his tempo up and made love to his woman, covering her body with the length of his – allowing the weight of his love and ministrations to pin her down and remind her just how entrenched he was in this thing of theirs – for he wanted to be the maker of her indelible memories, yes, he wanted forever and a day … with her. _

_Meredith's lips found his where she latched on as he made love to her mouth and her body simultaneously, his tempo even, his pulses long and hard – he knew she was close, so desperate to cum she held on tight – her ardent muscles clenching around his lubricated shaft, her kisses as urgent and hungry as his, she was panting, her chest surely on fire as she breathed his name with every downward pulse he made … her body writhing with every meaningful brush of his fingers against her engorged clit. _

_She was his – finally gasping for air as she came, their private symphony made from her calls of appreciation and her terms of heartfelt love. The waves of her sex moving akin to current all around their machine, abundant and wet and wild just like lover the inside of her he had created – her muscles went to work, pummeling his cock over and over again until his orgasm grew out of his control wherein he relinquished himself to her … and came … hard and fast, his thick sex copulating with hers, also abundant … sticky … made of everything she did to him … and oh so much more. _

###

Meredith pressed her open mouth against Derek's collarbone and hunkered down, the wool blanket still radiating with their damp, ardent heat and though the air was cool it felt good against her fingertips as she reached up and ran her pointer finger along the handsome plane of his flushed cheek. She smiled when he did, seeing now that he wasn't asleep like she thought he was a moment ago. Settling herself into the familiar crook of his neck, she breathed him in _– earth, pine, sea salt and sex _– he smelled divine and so did she.

Shifting, she raised her knee and draped her thigh along his thighs, pressing her mound against his hipbone, her tired pussy opening slightly, her muscles still saturated with their desirous sex. She held him tight and focused her attention on the horizon, the abrupt end to the dandelions at the drop off of the cliff, eye to eye at this vantage point, with this magical place where the sky met the earth.

Derek gathered Meredith in his arms, caressing her soft skin as he too kept his eyes on that horizon in front of them, his heart resting easy, his soul flying high _– sure now that his vivid dreams of this place and all it had to offer were likely written amongst the stars that would shine overhead_ – his mind set upon the future now, both the immediate and the longer term.

"Do you see that plateau, right along there?" he found himself whispering; he pointed down and to the left of where they lay.

"I do," she answered, hugging his torso, his heart muscle pulsed against her palm, slow and steady, his hot breath fanning her head through her hair.

"I want to build a place for us … right there," he mused, holding her close, cradling her inside the moment, perhaps another indelible one in the making.

Meredith blinked and tears she wasn't prepared for slipped from her eyes. Her heart racing for a beat as she stared at the goldenrod clearing, this perch high above the world all around them. She sniffled and craned her neck up and back, locking her watery eyes with her lover's; he never ceased to surprise her.

"Why the tears?" he prompted, his eyes vacillating like the wind, he ran fingertips under her chin to raise her lips to his where he kissed her, _once, twice._

"I was … homeless," she breathed, her heart racing, she blinked her tears away, _blink, blink,_ before she leaned in and brushed his lips with hers. "A home, Derek … months ago – _the idea of a place to belong seemed impossible_ – it's just you … you … ," her voice trailed off with uncertainty, a shiver ripped up her spine, he pulled the blanket up and around her shoulders, pressing his cool lips to hers as he did.

She kissed him back then, soft and quick before she pulled away slightly and smiled weakly. Easing herself into the crook of his neck again – _her naked breasts pressed against his chest, her hot breath fanning his collarbone_ – his free hand moving through her wind-swept tresses where he held her there and she began to relax, her heart rate decelerating, her wild mind calming down … she was homeless … without a place in the world … and then she met Derek.

"You belong with me," he whispered a minute, holding her close, willing her now to believe it was true, that they were destined to meet … and to fall in love.

"I do," she agreed, holding him close, willing herself now to believe that it was true, that they really were destined to meet … and to fall in love. "A home … a place … not that I don't love the trailer, I love the trailer … I'll always love the trailer," she mused thoughtfully.

"So do I … but, I want this with you … a place, a retreat … to call our own," he whispered into the wind, his eyes sweeping over the goldenrod landscape, _'ours, ours, ours'. _

"So do I, with you … I really do want a place with you," she sighed, craning her neck back and up to meet her lover's unwavering gaze, her thoughts swirling and twirling together now as she cradled him … while the dandelions danced … and the wind billowed over the land that was destined to become … _'theirs'. _

**Chapter 17 to follow. **


	23. Chapter 17, The Brass Ring

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Thanks for the patience in between updates; I truly hope this was worth the wait! Please let me know how you feel after reading… it would mean a lot!**

**Chapter 17 – The Brass Ring **

The calming rain pelted down against the roof and windows of the solarium, its pattern unknown yet soothing all the same. The bright light from the overcast skies infiltrated Meredith's space through the eyelets that bordered the sheer ecru of the window curtains, a draft of unknown origin breezing through the space now, both damp and chilling. And so with her cap-sleeve wool sweater suddenly not enough_, _she craved comfort and draped a lavender cashmere blanket over herself, her care for her appearance long gone now that she was … home.

With the blanket protecting her, she cloaked herself in warmth, the ruffle v-neck of her sweater playing against her chilled skin, her black skinny jeans a little tighter around her waste after their sumptuous feast_ – her eyes tired, her mind perpetually wild _– she sighed and finally, _finally_ breathed a contented sigh of relief … for she had graduated. She was done. No longer did she have to study just to study, and even though her days would be more than busy, at least they would be her own. She smiled. She had done it. She had reached for that quintessential _'brass ring'_ and caught it … with both hands.

She inhaled, the air still fragrant with palate of their brunch – _roasted vegetable frittata baked to perfection, beet and goat cheese salad with tangy balsamic vinaigrette_ – she sighed in satisfaction, her mouth still tingling from the spicy Bloody Mary she shared with Derek (her head still in the clouds too). Shifting further into the deep cushion of the sofa, she pulled the blanket tighter with one hand – _absentmindedly running the fingertips of her other over the heart-shaped charm of her new necklace_ – the pave diamonds set within so delicate and rich. Her heart fluttered – _'Derek, Derek'_ – baby tears of joy stung her eyes.

And then she smiled, listening once again to the soft, familiar float and collaboration of Sissy and Charles and Derek's voices _– a small familial symphony_ – their soft murmurs and the crescendo of Charles' cackle as they planned to present her with dessert and gifts, having sent her away so they could prepare their hearty offerings. She smiled, her mind drifting back to the ceremony in which she stood so tall and proud to deliver her congratulatory speech, wherein she could not take her eyes off of the three of them – _her 'family', sitting shoulder to shoulder_ – smiling and snapping pictures like saps.

And she loved it, because somehow their presence there and their genuine interest and excitement reminded her that this wasn't a chore for them, they weren't there because they had to be, they were there because they wanted to be – _and somehow this made Meredith feel like she graduated from more than just medical school _– it made her feel as though she graduated from her crappy childhood too … for she had finally stepped aside from this banner of avoidance that shrouded her for her whole life when she stepped up to that podium to deliver her speech.

Yes, everything was as it should be ... aligned and in place, even this small shadow that persisted nearby, a thundercloud overhead – _this long afternoon shadow that remained from that banner, the one made from her avoidance_ – and that was her mother, lingering there.

For Meredith's mind had touched on her mother all day long, little snippets she had somehow conjured up, those persistent unanswered questions coming to the surface now … would her mother have been happy? Would she have bragged to her colleagues at large about her daughter (who was never hard core enough for medicine), graduating at the top of her class?

No, she couldn't help but wonder, what could have been, what would have been and all that she would never, ever know – _though paradoxically, she felt her presence and somehow felt her peace of mind as well _– and she had to admit; it was both eerie and comforting.

Not nearly as comforting as listening to the goings on in the other room – _in fact, she was pretty sure that this was one of her best days, ever_ – her thoughts briefly drifting back to the early rise she made with Derek … her fingertips danced along her clavicle, following the line of the sterling silver lariat chain … yeah, today was her best day … both solidifying and perfect.

###

_Somewhere in the deep fog of her dreamless sleep, Meredith heard the rain washing over the trailer, pulling her now from that velvety dark place she loved and wasn't ready to leave. Sighing inside of herself, she cracked her eyes open, finding her lover with ease in the predawn light – his hair still wild from sleep, his toned chest and muscles accentuated by that fragmented light – she rolled to her side, her eyes still pinned on him as the coffee pot made one last roar, percolating and expelling steam as it did. _

_He leaned down to grab a small cheese board they had and on it, he set two coffee cups, preparing each one, the twirling steam rising from the ebony liquid therein, cream for her, black for him. She smiled then, watching as he set a pink pastry box there, her tired eyes growing wide as he set a small gift box there too and lastly her easel calendar … June, June … June. _

_The thunder rumbled and she glanced at the clock, he was up early, but with a storm like this, they would have to leave much earlier than expected. She closed her heavy eyes and listened to the raindrops fall, losing herself inside their heavy beat, the shuffle of Derek's quiet steps mixed therein now. Hunkering down, she smiled and stirred in the warmth of their bed, her mind quickly set upon the miraculous turn of events, how vastly different today would be compared to how it resided in her mind's eye for so many years before she met Derek. _

_Sinking deeper into that thankful place, she felt Derek roll into bed, her mind and body not completely awake, though she was certainly roused by the halo of heat she sensed all around her now – and then she felt him, her lover, her everything and the familiarity that went along with waking up with him – she was blessed was all she could think … and so was he … they were so blessed._

_And then he kissed her neck, his lips warm, his touch soothing as he pressed on and on in an effort to gently coax her awake, his tiny kisses rhythmic, pulsing in harmony with her lifeline, kiss, kiss … her eyes fluttered open, blindly following her heart and her womanhood; her core stirred and she found herself craving her lover, 'more, more'. _

_She breathed long and hard, moving one hand up to the nape of his neck – his naked chest pressed against hers, one hand caressing her halo, the other cupping the swell of her breast through the thin cotton of her tank top – her eyes still heavy, euphoria abound now, Meredith simply breathed his name, her lustful call both sleepy and raw hung in the air all around them._

"_Good morning, graduate," Derek cooed, his gruff voice still laden with sleep. "You smell good … like us," he muttered thickly, brushing his tongue against her clavicle. _

"_Hmm, so do you … you smell like us … and coffee," she giggled breathlessly, inhaling his masculine essence – sea salt, earth, pine, soap and coffee, hot, fresh and bittersweet – she opened her eyes, her lips on his neck now as she watched his body fishtail over hers, his trim torso lodged inside the apex of her thighs now. "I'm graduating," she sighed, her fingertips dancing along his arrow-straight spine, the rain fell and fell. _

"_You are," he beamed, pulling back, she could see the twinkle of excitement in his eyes even in the dark. He leaned up on his elbows and smiled. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered and she knew he really was. _

"_I know," she replied, tilting her head, Derek rolled her side, draping his knee over her thighs. She smiled. "Is this how you felt?" she wondered aloud as she reached up and rested her palm against his angular cheek. _

_Derek smiled. "Well, how do you feel?" he asked, turning his head, he pressed a warm kiss to her healing hand. _

"_Like it's finally so real … it can't be __really__ happening," she mused, her eyes locked on his now. _

"_Hmm, mmm … yeah …," he smiled reflectively. "It was surreal," he mused with that same twinkle of excitement set deep inside his eyes, the ocean there calm and serene and gorgeous. _

"_It is," Meredith agreed, stifling a yawn, a chill ripping up her spine as she did. _

_Derek leaned down and kissed her cheek. "You're still sleepy," he whispered into their heat. _

"_I am," she replied with a small smile, her eyes still heavy, the rain fell and fell. "But the coffee smells good and I'm graduating, so …,"_

"_It's all good," he finished for her and it was, because he knew she hadn't a single complaint, and that not even the pouring rain would dampen her mood. _

"_It is," she sighed, rolling into the cocoon of his embrace, her eyes falling on her calendar, Derek situated himself behind her, cradling her, loving her. She smiled and reached up for the small time piece. "Last day," she murmured, running her pointer finger over her 'Renoir couple', back and forth. _

_Derek pressed a kiss to her shoulder cap, his hot breath fanning her neck as they both looked on at the Renoir now on the precipice of that special day in June – this small open box of time – a single day, a focal point that somehow had become the symbol of a new beginning … the closing of one chapter and an opening to the next, one that would become 'theirs'. _

"_I remember the night you first shared this with me," Derek sighed wistfully as he drew her closer. _

"_I do too … one of your late night visits at the hospital," she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. Thick tears of … she didn't know what … joy, wonder, relief … crowded her eyes, she blinked them away. "My life, right now …," she sighed, rolling over to face him. She set the calendar between them and smiled. "It's so different … so different that what I would have expected it to be … today," she said evenly, trying her best to keep her emotions in check. _

"_So is mine," Derek smiled broadly. "When we met … today, the events of today meant nothing to me … maybe this would have been a regular day for me … work, home … without … you," he pressed his lips together and shook his head; Meredith could only smile. "Come on … mark it off … it's just a facet of the day, you made it," he whispered. "The brass ring is yours … so take it," he encouraged, holding the calendar up on the palm of his hand. _

_Meredith giggled. "I feel giddy," she confessed. "Like I'm tempting fate," she mused. _

"_And what's so wrong with that?" Derek quipped with a smirk. "Come on … make it real, you made it Meredith," he prodded gently, slipping the pen from the spiral top. _

"_I did," she sighed, her eyes flocking up to his before she focused once again on her beloved Renoir … the man's eyes, the blush of the woman's cheeks. She smiled and crossed through the day, her own cheeks heating as she did. She looked up to find her lover's shimmering eyes. "I love you," she declared softly because she was … so in love, so madly in love. _

"_I love you too," Derek smiled, his eyes never wavering, his smile never faltering as he reached over her, smiling as he set the small gift box in between them. "This is for you," he whispered low and deep. _

"_What is it?" she asked, her heart on fire with intrigue. _

"_Something you'll love," he smirked; full of himself, for she knew he loved this … giving. "Open it … please," he said softly. _

_And so Meredith did, a small gasp falling from her lips as she removed the top to reveal a lariat style necklace – sterling silver, the opening of the lariat set with two open, intertwined hearts by which the chain slipped through – the anchor pendant also a heart set with tiny, brilliant pave diamonds. Her heart shook, the artistic keepsake of love and congratulations sparkling even in the dim early light. The rain fell on and on; her heart pounded against her chest … it was gorgeous, so gorgeous as she ran her fingertip over the beautiful charm, raising her head with enough courage to look at her man. _

"_This is … gorgeous, it's too much … it's –"_

"_Perfect for you," Derek smiled as he started to remove it from the box. "And I know you love it," he sassed and she giggled. _

_He held the necklace up as he came to sit Indian style. Meredith pushed herself up, moving he calendar aside, her knees touching Derek's, her emerald green eyes pinned to his. Without another word, she held her messy hair up and leaned in, pressing her lips to his as he moved the chain around her neck, slipping the lariat into place as he danced his fingertips along the gorgeous chain, the charm coming to rest right above the deep vee of her cleavage. _

"_Perfection," he sighed, his mouth on hers again, his lips pulsing, once, twice, soft and quick. "Come here," he coaxed, cupping her face in his hands as she stared at him still. "Congratulations Meredith," he whispered sincerely, holding her inside the moment._

_Meredith breathed and smiled under his palms, her cheeks rosy, her eyes still fixated on his, the groove of the chain falling into place around her neck. "You … you're amazing," her voice quivered and then she smirked. "And you're right … I love it," she acquiesced as he took her in his arms and kissed her, long and hard, the stroke of his tongue both familiar and tantalizing stirring her core without recourse now._

_Breathless and full well knowing they had no time for love-making, she pulled back, her body protesting as she did – her pussy pulsing, her heart beating erratically like the rain – the pulse moving to her eardrums now as she stared at him for a beat, spotting with ease a hint of mischief therein. She smiled and leaned back, regarding him for a quick second before she leaned in and kissed him again, pulsing her open mouth against his, making love to him and he to her before she pulled back and pressed her forehead to his to stabilize herself. _

"_Derek," she breathed, her head heavy with lust, feeling the weight of her new gift as it hung from her neck. _

"_Hmm," he sighed, locking his beautiful eyes with hers, forehead to forehead, his warm hands on her thighs now. He inched closer and smiled. _

"_You ... this gift … it's so extravagant," she mused and he smiled. "But this is it, right? I mean … you don't have any other plans do you?" she asked softly. "I know you love … giving … and I love you … I'm just not so good with … accepting," she reasoned, her heart twisting as she did._

_Derek's face softened. "Oh well, I can't say there won't be another gift …," he stated evenly with a dazzling smile that didn't betray him. _

_Meredith smiled and eyed him carefully; she set her hands upon his handsome face. "Hmm, okay … but nothing big, right?" she asked, holding him there. She batted her long eyelashes._

_Derek cackled, his playful eyes dancing now. "Well, that depends on how you define, 'big'…," he husked, razzing her with the devil inside of him. _

###

Meredith smiled to herself – _her heart alighted with joy now as her fingertips still caressed the delicate lariat symbol of love_ – shifting in her seat, she tugged the blanket tighter and turned her attention to the raging storm outside, looking through the large window as the rain fell along the walled garden, her mind floating back in time again to that day Derek asked her to come home with him – _putting himself out there for her _– and for the possibility of _'them'_. Smiling, she recalled now every detail of the moment, this cherished millisecond wherein she looked into his endless blue eyes and found her own (small amount) of clarity.

She breathed then, grounding herself, her head still tipsy from the grandeur, footsteps and laughter echoing now, encroaching on her private reverie as she turned back around to face Derek and Sissy, partners in crime. "Haven't you been busy," she commented, locking her eyes with her lover's.

She winked and so did he before he set a porcelain trivet down on the low table upon which he rested an Italian style stovetop espresso maker – _the air already fragrant with the aroma of the fresh brewed elixir_ – dark, rich, delicious. She inhaled and smiled as Derek leaned forward and pushed his lips out for a kiss. She indulged him (and herself), pulsing her mouth over his for a brief moment before she caught a glimpse of Sissy off on her own in the corner. Meredith smirked and turned her head, watching as her friend strategically draped a tablecloth over an easel. Meredith turned back to Derek and eyed him carefully but he only smiled and shrugged, chuckling as he did.

"You look cozy," he flirted shamelessly, his lips hovering over her neck before he kissed her, _pulse, pulse_, her skin was warm and tasted of salt and rain. She giggled and tilted her head back and up. "Let her have her fun," he muttered into her ear, trying now to ease her trepidation of being the center of attention … even on day like today where it was warranted.

"I'll try," she answered, pressing her lips together, unable to fathom what exactly Sissy had hidden under that cloth.

Charles entered the room then, his gaiety evident with every step he made – _for he was as proud of Meredith as Derek and Sissy were and it had been a wonderful day_ – not even the torrent of rain had dampened their mood. He smiled broadly at the lovers now as he set his tray of wares down on the table – _three bowls and spoons, one pint of hand-churned vanilla gelato and a liter of his most favorite of store-bought liqueurs, Frangelico_ – bold, toasted, nutty … and both extremely rich and well-suited for an occasion such as this.

"Wow, this is quite a spread," Meredith smiled, her eyes bouncing between the two men.

"Oh well … this my friend, is one of my most favorite desserts … eye opening … mind altering," he chuckled. "Frangelico Affogato al Caffe," he announced happily. "Simply put –_gelato topped with hot espresso and a shot of Frangelico_ – an Italian liquor made from toasted hazelnuts," he explained as he set the bowls out on the table.

"Sounds perfect," Meredith sighed, leaning into Derek's heat as he draped his arm around her, squeezing her shoulders as he did.

"It is … it's a beautiful combination of texture and flavor," Sissy agreed, turning to join the group where she held Meredith's gaze for a good long beat – _her young friend more than curious as to what was up her sleeve_ – she raised her brow; a silent stalemate ensued for a moment longer. "Don't look at me like that Meredith … it's not everyday you graduate from medical school," she chastised playfully as she sat down across from the young lovers.

Meredith snorted. "And exactly how was I looking at you?" she sassed, also playfully.

"Like you have daggers for me," Sissy retorted with a mischievous smile. "I know you," she nodded. "And I know how your beautiful big mind works," she intimated with that same smile. Meredith sighed. "Just go with it … be flexible," she chuckled with a whimsical air.

"Hmm, yeah … be flexible," Derek husked, pressing his nose into her neck, his sensual tone reverberating through her now.

"Derek! Seriously?" she giggled as he pressed a kiss to her heated cheek. She turned her head and pinned her eyes to his.

"Seriously," he muttered, egging her on, his eyes sparkling, his depths on display for her.

The oven timer chimed and Charles rose from his seat. "Derek, come help me with the biscotti and Meredith's other gifts," he sassed, raising his brow at the graduate. "Let these ladies duke it out on their own," he chortled. The young lover kissed his woman's cheek and gave her a sweet smile (like any smart man would).

Meredith giggled and watched the pair go before she turned back to Sissy, regarding her dear friend for a moment. She shifted in her seat and smiled. So did her friend. "I feel overwhelmed," she admitted into their relative silence now. "I know whatever you have planned is lovely," she smiled. "I just … I feel emotional, there's a lot more emotion involved in today than I had anticipated … all these years of dreaming of today, it was never like this …," she sighed and swallowed hard, tears filling the wells of her eyes as she spoke. She blinked them away with haste.

Sissy sighed and came to sit next to her. She inched closer and the pair sat together then, each lost in their own emotional vetting. "I know dear … but this … is your life now, this is the good stuff … the silver lining," she sighed, shaking her head.

She draped her arm along Meredith's shoulders, refusing to get ahead of herself, wanting to badly to embrace her friend akin to a mother. Wanting to tell her now all that she could foretell about her the beauty her life would likely become – _but instead she held back, biting her tongue _– because discovery was part of the fun … it was the spice of life … and even though she encouraged Meredith to find and seek and take chances over the years, she also knew old habits died hard and that the young woman's familial experiences were dull or even lifeless … and it would take time to heal and trust after the pain she endured as a child and thereafter.

"You'll grow used to family life," she encouraged softly. "This is what families do, Meredith …," Sissy mused thoughtfully – _'this is what parents do'_ – she added silently, her heart shaking now. "Okay … so just … be in the moment," she advised softly, giving her trim shoulders a squeeze as she did.

"Okay," Meredith acquiesced, leaning into Sissy's maternal heat, if only for this moment … until the next.

###

An hour later, the foursome still sat together, the storm raging on outside, their cheeks still collectively heated as they each sipped an additional serving of the nutty liqueur from a dazzling set of crystal aperitif glasses – _their tipsy laughter ringing in harmony with the sounds of the storm _– the afternoon quickly fading away as they enjoyed the feeling of their intimate family celebration.

"You know, with this storm the way it is … time is of the essence Sis'," Charles said, taking the last sip of his liqueur. He set his glass down on the tray. "Lets get to the good stuff," he chortled heartily as he pulled a wrapped gift box from the side table.

"Thank you," Meredith breathed, holding his gaze steady as she took the gift from him, his kind weathered eyes moving back and forth as he surveyed her. She tested its weight – _'this is what families do'_ – came Sissy's earlier words, smiling as she began to tear the simple brown paper from the box, peeking inside whilst lifting the top. "Thank you, Charles, Sissy …," she beamed as she lifted the famous reference book from the box.

Derek smiled broadly._ "'__Gray's Anatomy of the Human Body'_," he read the title of the famous reference book, his arm draped along Meredith's shoulders. "It's a beautiful edition, too bad they misspelled his name," he cackled, poking his lover with his elbow. "Very funny," Meredith giggled, holding his gaze for a beat before she turned back to Sissy and Charles.

"We decided it was time for you to start building your _own_ library," Sissy smiled, her heart filling with love as she watched Meredith accept their gift, seeing now a small smile set along her beautiful face.

"Hmm, it's perfect, thank you," Meredith sighed, setting the heavy volume back inside the box before she leaned across the table and embraced her friend. "Thank you," she whispered, her eyes finding Charles' over Sissy's shoulder. "Thank you," she said to him, reaching for his hand where he gave her a gentle squeeze.

Pulling out of their embrace, Meredith sniffled, giggling with Sissy like a couple of schoolgirls now as they held each other's forearms and marveled at one another for a beat in time – _staring at all they had become to and for one another _– hearts full and happy and resting easy now.

"Dr. Shepherd, you're up," Charles announced, his hearty baritone rich with amusement.

"Derek …," Meredith started to protest, but then she stopped when she spied a softness, a special additive to her lover's joy she hadn't seen before. He smiled weakly almost pleading now without words and therein she could only smile in return. "Okay," she gracefully acquiesced, her fingers toying with her new lariat charm, the diamonds, sparkling, glistening just like her lover's eyes. "Okay," she whispered again softly, reassuringly.

"Okay," he repeated evenly with a boyish smile before he reached down and handed a large rectangular box to her, his heart beating wildly with anticipation.

_Meredith's mind went wild as she quickly surveyed the size of the box, her mind busy with anticipation as her fingers worked under the simple paper wrapping, her eyes darting to Derek's as she did. Lifting the box top off, she pushed through the tissue paper only to reveal her first official lab coat, bright, pristine – 'Dr. Meredith Grey, MD' embroidered on the left pocket – the prestigious Seattle Grace emblem on the right … her mother fluttered through her mind and then she smiled. _

"Wow," was all she could say as she ran her fingertips along the length of her name, feeling the new groove of the embroidery stitch. Thick tears crowded her eyes and her name became blurred around the edges. She raised her head in an effort to blink them away. She sniffled and smiled in tandem.

"Richard gave it to me so I could give this to you myself," Derek murmured, his warm hand found her back where he held her there, _rub, rub, rub. _

"Surreal, just like you said this morning, surreal is the only way to describe all of this," Meredith mused as she turned to Derek. "Thank you for making it … all … so real," she whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to the handsome plane of his cheek, _pulse, pulse, breathe, breathe. _

"Welcome," Derek sighed, thinking now, _'two down, one to go'_ … his heart banging around in his chest, his mind once again racing in anticipation over Meredith's potential reaction to his last gift, the one he had saved for tonight.

"And now on to the big guns," Charles chuckled, offering the floor to his dear talented wife.

Sissy smiled and pushed her short hair behind her ears, her eyes faceted with layers of mischief and intrigue now as she stood and crossed the room, moving the easel closer to the sofas.

Meredith watched each player carefully … her mind blank … her heart wild … her eyes volleying between Derek and Charles, their poker faces giving nothing away. Sissy met her eyes briefly before she grabbed a large art collector's book from the side table and began to thumb through it. Meredith looked on as she finally stopped – _a large image of her beloved Renoir stared back at her, "__In the Garden" ("Dans le jardin"),__ circa 1885 _– she smiled instantly and then looked up to find Sissy.

"You love this painting," she declared, tilting her head.

"I do …," Meredith agreed with a sidelong glance, for it was no secret to any of the players in the room just how much she loved this painting.

"I remember the first time I caught you lingering on the month of June …your easel calendar … June, it always was a bit of a mixed bag of emotions," she said wistfully; she watched Meredith's face light up, a smile forming there too. She felt her husband's warm embrace and she reflexively sank into that heat. "I also remember the look upon your face when you described to me the reasons you cherish it so …," she sighed, carefully watching her young friend's face.

Meredith breathed. "How did I look?" she asked with a soft smile, her eyes flicking to Derek's for a beat.

Sissy chuckled. "Now here's where the mystery of Meredith Grey comes into play," Sissy chided; Meredith's cheeks heated.

"Me? Mysterious?" Meredith scoffed, playing along. The women grinned at one another, more than comfortable inside their private sparring matches.

"I remember …," Sissy sighed, her voice turning into that of the experienced storyteller she was. "I remember watching you and listening to you list all of your relevant reasons for loving this piece –_ you were awe-inspired, so captivated – _and I remember smiling at the thought of you seeing the simple love and congruence of these two people and I wondered if you really looked at them, these two subjects and felt what your beloved Renoir wanted you to feel and see … or if you perhaps had your own story for them …," she sighed breathlessly, small tears popping free from her eyes as she looked at Derek for a beat. Meredith sniffled and she watched how she too reflexively fell into her lover's embrace. And then she shook her head and remembered her point to this story. "But …," she breathed, her heart catching up with her mind now.

"The inevitable _'but'_ …," Charles chided, squeezing his wife's trembling shoulders, trying his best to ground her.

"There's always a _'but'_ …," she giggled and so did Meredith. "Hmm ... well, I do also remember that your face betrayed you my dear sweet girl …," she smiled weakly.

"How so?" Meredith asked softly, watching her friend falter slightly. She smiled and leaned forward, taking her hand.

"Well, I could see a distant storm in your eyes – _your eyes so green they seemed almost black _– and I knew then that in no uncertain terms that … you did not believe in love …," she sighed breathlessly, resting her free hand over her heart, smiling at the memory. "And then I also remember thinking to myself –_'please don't close yourself off to Renoir's purpose, please don't … because you, Meredith Grey, could find a love like this, if you just let yourself believe that it exists'_ – I remember clear as day … praying … for you …," she sighed, besieged by unshed emotion.

"Oh Sissy," Meredith cried, standing in tandem with her friend, embracing now, holding one another together, rocking and swaying … and believing. "Thank you for praying for me," she breathed, holding on tight. "Thank you for believing in me … for everything … I love you … so much," she whispered, breathing her familiar essence in, strong, sweet … an elixir, like that of a mother's.

"And I love you dear child, we are so proud of you – _and not just today _– we're just proud period," Sissy cooed, cradling Meredith with every motherly instinct she had inside of her. She pulled away and smiled.

_Derek and Charles smiled, peering up at their women, watching in quiet awe as they savored one another … each no doubt thinking about the blessing of their friendship and the balance that had been restored because of it. Charles stood and Derek followed suit, watching as the women disengaged, their eyes still wet, smiling from ear to ear. Sissy ran her fingertips under her lower lashes and Meredith leaned into Derek's comforting hand as he set it upon her lower back. _

"See, that wasn't so bad now was it," Charles asked, eliciting giggles from the friends.

"I suppose not," Sissy breathed, her heart still aflutter. She smiled knowingly at Meredith.

Chuckling, Meredith tilted her head. "What do you have up your sleeve Sissy Marc?" she asked playfully.

"An experiment," Sissy mused.

"An experiment," Meredith repeated. Both men chuckled and she turned and spoke to Derek. "Do you know anything about this?" she asked with a soft smile.

"Nope," he assured with a smile of his own, curious himself as to what lay beneath that coveted cloth.

"Ready then?" Sissy asked as she stepped toward the easel, her heart pounding with excitement now.

_For she was sure that the experiment would result in the findings that she had expected all along, for this was the fun part. She raised her brow and kept her eyes pinned on Meredith while she lifted the cloth to reveal the photo she had taken of Meredith and Derek in the garden that day, enlarged and enhanced to an eleven by fourteen landscape shot, under which she inscribed the title of the photograph: 'Renoir's Muse Lives On – Meredith Grey, Derek Shepherd, circa 2010'._

_And much to her innate belief, Meredith's face was largely different whilst she looked on and over this version of the Renoir, for therein – Sissy could see the believer in love had become – this woman who was wholly different than she had been mere months ago … and it was a beautiful, beautiful thing. _

_Because the storm had indeed passed out to sea and all that was left was Meredith and her lover and their true colors – green, blue, blue, green – their glistening eyes and the reverberating beat of their pounding hearts as their love for one another jumped off of the photograph and shouted to anyone who might look on and also wonder and marvel of how it must be to be 'them' as they were … so captivated … and so loved … and so cherished by one another! _

Meredith stared at the photograph, her eyes moving over the landscape of this perfect rendition of her beloved painting, only with her beloved wrapped around her, for she remembered this day last month – _she remembered the anticipation of seeing Derek again, she remembered her floating mind and the way his hot breath fanned her neck and cheeks_ – she was so hot that day, lost within the walled garden amidst that rare heat wave. She was so hot for him and all that he did to her – _for even then she knew she was in love with him_ – the only difference was that now she also knew her love could be seen with the naked eye.

Moving her fingertips over the image, her mind wandered, remembering the intimacy that followed them home that day and how she and Derek had made all-consuming love for the first time. For she remembered it all and was living it too – _realizing once again that she had indeed become a believer in love_ – and that this photograph was all the evidence she would ever need to remind herself from whence she came … well, _this_ and the way her heart pounded inherently for Derek Shepherd.

Derek sighed and drew Meredith closer, watching her look over the photograph, his tongue pretty much tied with a loss of words of just how stunning the image was – _for Sissy really managed to capture all that was raging between them that day in the garden_ – all of those solidifying moments that would come to seal their fate as lovers wherein they would go back to the trailer and finally commit and consummate this thing they started … it was all there in the magic of the moment – _Meredith's heated cheeks, his lips upon her skin, the shimmer of his wild eyes (and hers too)_ – yes, it was all there and it was gorgeous and captivating … and completely made of the power of _'them'_.

"Where were you? The mudroom?" Meredith asked, trying to collect her bearings, she peeled her eyes from the photograph and found her dear friend.

"Hmm, yes … it looked like June, remember?" she promptly softly, pointing to the abundance of flowers all around the young lovers. "I popped into the mudroom to grab something and I saw you both out there and instead … I grabbed my camera," she sighed wistfully.

"It's uncanny, really … the similarities," Charles interjected with a reflective smile. "The table and chairs, the angle …," he mused softly, setting his shoulder upon his wife's; she smiled.

"The flowers …," Derek sighed. "It really was like June out there … _'Renoir's June'_ … your June … wasn't it Meredith?" he asked, holding her close, his heart pounding, his mind hazy with bliss.

"It really was …," she smiled, her eyes falling on the photograph again. "Look at you, Derek," she whispered, her body quaked; she knew he felt it.

"And look at you," he marveled, looking on with her … for she was captivated … boxed in … and so content.

"We're in love," she answered, her wet eyes flicking to Sissy's for the briefest of moments wherein she silently thanked her tenacious, well-meaning and all-knowing friend.

"We are," he agreed, holding her close, silently thanking God (and Sissy Marc) for having the wisdom and foresight to pair them together, much like Renoir's vision with his own subjects.

###

The early evening light cascaded in sheets around the trailer now, the dust particulates danced along the invisible breezeway – _Meredith's bedside light added just the right amount of warm, brassy tones to the space _– _'Renoir's Muse' _was situated against the back of the sofa and even there, the image of the lovers stood out. Derek heard the toilet flush and with that signal, he pushed himself back up against the headboard and reached over, pulling his bedside table drawer open where he found the thick brown envelope he left there this morning.

He sighed and smiled, raking his free hand through his wild and damp locks, his heart still thumping from their latest round of games, his cock twitching as he shivered, his skin adorned with a fresh layer of goose bumps just as Meredith opened the bathroom door and stood just inside the frame in all of her naked glory – _her breasts pert and perfect, her nipples still beaded, her skin flushed pink, her hair in a messy bun_ – she was vision, an angel … a desirous goddess of love he created.

He smiled and so did she and he swore in that moment, that he could have taken her again – _for his appetite for her was insatiable –_ he raised his brow, his free hand stroking his cock, silently flirting with her … _up, down,_ his fist moved; his other hand resting on Meredith's gift.

_Meredith's melodic giggle floated through the enclave as she batted her lashes and flicked the bathroom light off before she moved toward her lover, his sex appeal only accentuated by the triangle of fragmented light that fell across his nude body. Her core shook, sending pulsating waves of want along her body – damn, she could take him, right here, right now – her pussy still glistening from their last round, her raw vaginal muscles pulsed … 'more, more' they demanded as she glided along their invisible fishing line, effortlessly moving along the zip line, no more than a pawn made of her passion for her man. _

_Without a word, she padded across the floor and crawled onto the bed from the foot and began kissing her way up her lover's body – her tush in the air, her sex open, ready, her breasts hanging low – her nipples only caressed by the soft hair covering his legs. He moaned, shifting beneath her as she kneaded and kissed and caressed his taut muscles, he became putty in her hands, rub, rub, her hands and mouth moved, rolling the flesh of his thighs, her eyes flicking to his only briefly before she watched his head loll back in sated bliss. _

_Sighing with him, Meredith massaged her man, inching her open mouth closer and closer to the essence of his manhood and his trigger scent that somehow turned her into an animal for him – her eyes on her target now as she dipped her head down and took his flaccid cock in her mouth – swirling her tongue along his shorter length, massaging him there while he succumb to her hold on him. She breathed then, her nose pressed into the warmth of his flesh, her hands cupping his sack – his delicious cock still swathed in their sensual sex … the biology of them … this evidence of their love and passion – yes, yes, it was true … she could not get enough of him or what he did to her … or what she did to him. _

"God, I love you," she husked around his cock as he twitched in her mouth … waking up for her … her pussy pulsed.

"And I love hearing you say that," Derek answered, wherein he heaved forward and pulled her up to him to kiss her senseless –_ their sex on his tongue now too _– _kiss, kiss, love, love, 'more, more'. _

"It's the truth," she sighed breathlessly as their mouths mated and she came to flank her thighs and knees along his ribcage, her body pressed over his abdomen, his hands caressing her back, up and down.

Derek pulled back and smiled, basking in Meredith's radiant energy for a long beat, his hands moving through her wild hair where he held her skull and kept her inside the moment. "I know … and I love you … so much," he smiled broadly as she held on tight while he did the same.

_Meredith smiled and kissed her man, working her mouth over the stubble of his chin, then down to his neck where she sucked on his pulse point, once, twice before she sighed heavily and came to rest her head over his heart, his muscle beating in tandem with hers, lulling her for a beat until she spotted a thick brown envelope next to Derek's shoulder, so curious was she that she held it up._

"What's this?" she murmured with a giggle, pressing her lips to Derek's flesh,_ pulse, pulse,_ before she rested her chin on his chest and smiled.

"Hmm," he smiled as he stared into her emerald green eyes, so faceted _– so much lighter and happier since they first met_ – for he swore he could _see _the love in her eyes and therein, he melted inside, just a little bit each time he looked at her. She smiled and he watched her cheeks heat and reflexively reached up to run his fingertip along her flushed skin there.

"Derek," she sighed, her giggle ricocheting between them, her eyes locked on his blue clarity she found with ease now – _'I love you, love you'_ – she chanted with her twinkling eyes, knowing he would hear her call … _because she really did love him … _and she really loved looking into his eyes knowing that he saved his depths just for her.

"Meredith," he sassed, kissing her nose, pulling her closer. He smiled sheepishly.

"What?" she asked, wondering now what he had up his sleeve. She took the envelope from him and smiled. "Tell me …," she sighed, rolling off of him, her body flush against his now, her knee jackknifed over his thighs, she drew herself even closer.

He kissed her then, soft and quick and then he spoke, his eyes locked on hers, so green, clear, sated. "You know … this morning, I know you said _'nothing extravagant'_," he murmured. "But _before_ I promised you nothing extravagant …,"

"You were extravagant …," Meredith grinned.

He smiled brilliantly. "I was …," he sighed, mischief cloaked his eyes, the envelope resting on his chest. Meredith leaned up on her elbow and set her hand on top of it, her curiosity evident.

"How extravagant?" Meredith squeaked; her eyes fastened to her lover's now.

"I went … wild and extravagant … for you … and for us," he mused, pushing himself up and bringing Meredith with him. "This is for you," he whispered as he slid the contents of the envelope into his hands and passed it to his lover.

_Meredith's mind went wild when she realized she was holding a stack of airline tickets, already tearing up as she unwrapped them and let her eyes roam over a very detailed itinerary – the travel agent's outline for this trip for two – 'Drs. Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd' – the primary destination, Paris, France with two additional sub-itineraries, the first for Provence, France … and the second … well, it made her heart soar and stop at the same time – Bordeaux, France – she smiled weakly and looked up to find Derek, his eyes wet like hers … mirrors … reflections._

"Bordeaux, Derek," she sighed, her mind wild infinite possibilities.

"Hmm … yeah … I thought, _'wouldn't it be great to meet Claire'_ … ," he breathed, watching his lover's reaction. He smiled; her tiny tears fell. "So … I emailed Floret – _well, first I spoke with Sissy about getting her email address_ – and then I called her … suffice to say she wishes you were already there," he smiled and draped his arm around her shoulders.

_Meredith swallowed hard and shook her head, once again asking herself how on earth she came to be this woman – sated, happy, in love, cared for and cherished like this – and by so many. Tears of happiness fell and fell then and without recourse wherein without a single word, her lover neatly folded the documents back up and slipped them inside the brown envelope, setting it aside in favor of gathering her in his arms. _

_His mouth on hers and hers on his as they kissed and kissed and connected and loved and cherished – because they were destined to – and because she could tell he knew she was happy he had been so extravagant and giving and wonderful and loveable. _

"Thank you," she whispered into his mouth as he came to hover over her, his eyes so rich with everything he felt for her that she once again became stunned.

"Welcome," he said in that same soft tone as he lowered himself into the apex of her womanhood, staring now at his lover, his heart wild with the thought of taking this trip with her … and making a life with her thereafter.

"Make love to me …," she husked … and so he did.

_And seconds later when he slipped into her warm, slick channel and their bodies became one … connected and aligned … Meredith paused and savored that special moment wherein the world stopped and they simply stared at one another in quiet awe – this small blip of time before either one of them moved – this precious moment that belonged solely to them. _

_Derek sighed breathlessly and she shifted beneath him, opening her thighs and herself for him – accepting his presence in her life – knowing now that whether she had graduated or not … that this, __her__ life – had become the stuff that dreams were made of:_

_Unconditional familial love … _

_Beautiful works of art … _

_Saving lives … _

_Making love … and …_

_Those coveted brass rings … _

_And therein she tightened her hold on Derek and held on to those rings with all of her might … and made perfect love with her man wherein the story behind 'Renoir's Muse' was lived out again and again … and again. _

**Chapter 18 to follow.**


	24. Chapter 18, Blush on Lavender Fields, P1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: Again, thank you to all who are reading and patiently waiting for the updates for this story, I truly hope this was worth the wait. Please tell me how you feel and what you think, I do so love to hear from you!**

**Chapter 18 – Blush on Lavender Fields – Part 1 of 3 **

Meredith sank underneath the quilted goose-down comforter and finally felt the first of her nerve endings cauterize. Having flown into the night to arrive in Paris in the morning, both she and Derek were exhausted – _so tired now that despite the high-octane of the adrenaline coursing through their collective veins_ – all they could ponder now was sleep … her eyes dipped shut; she listened for the shower and was lulled by Derek's proximity, even now, even a world away from _'their'_ world … she craved … him.

Sighing with that smile etched along her face, she opened her eyes, adjusting them to the dim light, those fragmented bits of light made from the rays of morning sun as it shone over the city of Paris. Her eyes swept over the expansive suite … the panoramic view of the city – _the __Eiffel Tower, the River Seine and the beautiful enormity of the Grand Palais _– all covered for now by the deep burgundy drapes they had let down immediately, for sleep was a priority and those memorable focal points would have to wait.

She closed her eyes again on that thought, rolling over, she felt the heavy weight of her head against the fresh satin pillowcase; the shower cut off, she opened her eyes and focused on the bathroom doorway, the light from within offering a perfect frame. Her eyes moved up, roaming along the vaulted ceilings and then down again to the marble floors and the sparkle of the tiles, even in the darkness.

She sighed deeply, regulating her heartbeat as she felt her body grow heavier, listening with great interest to the bustle and din of the end of the morning commute _– smiling once again at the way she and Derek ended up here, together_ – once strangers living, breathing their own lives … until fate stepped in the way and they eventually landed here, nestled deep inside this parallel universe of their own making which so far had been both thrilling and solidifying.

Sinking deeper into bliss now, her eyes closing on the austere furnishings of the gorgeous and stunning suite Derek had leased – _every modern convenience imaginable, a large sitting room, bedroom and sauna-spa paired with the posh decorative touch of the very old-school French designer whom used this space as his muse_ – this place that would become the memorable backdrop of their first encounter inside this parallel universe that belonged solely to them and to the _'them'_ they would become on this trip … of a lifetime.

She smiled and listened for Derek, watching now as he opened the bathroom door, just a sliver, her eyes fixed on the warm humid air as it billowed from within … a welcome change from the dry, humming vacuum of pressurized air they endured whilst in transit. She breathed again, her fingertips dancing along her forearm, still soft and dewy from her own shower, her heavy lidded eyes closing once again as she hugged the smooth, cool fabric of the comforter, an oversized ecru piece with indigo pinstripes … stylish, yet simple.

A quick flash of light cascaded into the room as Derek opened the door, wherein Meredith opened her eyes to find him padding across the marble flooring wearing only a pair of loosely tied pajama bottoms as he walked around the bed and slipped into the mess of linens spooning her from behind _– his skin warm and soft, he smelled like aftershave and soap and toothpaste_ – his nose pressed into her wild, damp locks, his fingers laced through hers across her abdomen … his lips pressed to her neck just above the line of her tank top where they stayed.

"Welcome to Paris," she whispered, further relaxing into her lover's heat, knowing sleep was imminent now that he was there with her.

"Hmm … you too … you smell good," he breathed, his voice gruff, his lips lingering on the damp flesh of her neck. "Like some kind of flower," he inhaled, trying to place the new additive to her already alluring essence as his eyes closed.

"Lavender," Meredith answered as he pulsed his lips against her skin, _once, twice. _"I used the hotel body wash … lavender, makes sense …," she sighed breathlessly, her eyes dipping shut, their palatial suite gone, but not forgotten as her lover drew her near.

"Smells good on you … just wait until we hit Provence," he said softly, his body a featherweight now as fatigue overtook him. "So tired …," he muttered, already deep in the trenches of darkness.

"Me too …," she agreed, slipping under, her skin warm and soft, her heart beating evenly, the calming powers of the lavender flower already at work.

###

_The morning fell away and slipped into the early afternoon by the time Derek felt himself come around where he immediately sensed he was alone. Opening his eyes, he blinked and let his gateways roam over the expansive space in search of his lover where he found her with ease through the maze of open doors leading out to the panoramic terrace – the Eiffel Tower dwarfing her as it quite literally towered in front of her – the bright afternoon light accentuating her silhouette as she stood ensconced in an ecru oversized velour robe, the excess fabric pooled at her feet with her long honey locks blowing in the Parisian breeze. _

_Without another thought, Derek tossed the covers back and slipped into the bathroom, grabbing his own robe before he headed out to join Meredith, his eyes sweeping appreciatively about their suite as he did – the sleek and smooth lines of modern, yet majestic and regal furnishings with generous hints of old world France woven throughout – the place shouted romance and it was nothing if not extravagant. And the he smiled, for as much as he knew Meredith might fight him on just how 'overboard' he went when planning this getaway, he also knew the money meant nothing to him, for it was well spent if that meant uninterrupted time his lover in relative seclusion._

_Reining his wandering mind in, Derek pulled on the French door, the sky brighter than he expected, though still overcast when he emerged from the quiet and stepped out and into their first afternoon in Paris. Inhaling a deep breath of the city air, he swiftly moved across the warm travertine tiles, the Eiffel Tower boldly hovering over them, the design and craftsmanship more evident with each step he took until he came to stand next to his lover so as not to startle her. He watched her smile, her eyes darting to his for a half of a second, her cheeks pink, her eyes bright and shiny as she moved her gaze back the tower for a beat longer before she finally turned to him._

"Hi," he smiled broadly, moving his hand through her wild tresses as they danced in the wind.

"Hi," she answered with that same smile perched along her face; she leaned into his touch.

"Now that's a welcome to Paris," Derek mused as he set his eyes upon the city's precious monument.

"I know what you mean," she sighed, tilting her head as she regarded the intricate design in that same awestruck stance she had been in since she set foot upon the terrace; she sucked in a deep breath, the wind whipped up and all around them, pushing the fabric of her robe along her bare legs.

"How long have you been out here?" he inquired, entirely unaware of the time. He draped his arm around Meredith's shoulders and felt the comfort in her presence as she leaned into him and for the life of him, in that moment, he couldn't remember a time without her by his side.

"Not too long … I'm just finding it hard to turn away from it," she sighed, resting her head upon his broad shoulder. "It's stunning," she added wistfully.

"Hmm … it's enchanting," he offered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, inhaling a waft of that lavender essence as his eyes moved along the goldenrod angles of the tower.

"It is, it's so close," she giggled. "I feel like I could just reach out and touch it," she said, extending her arm, her fingertips dancing amongst the sleek, angular beams.

"Me too … it's the closest I've been to it actually," Derek confided with a small smile.

"Me too," Meredith breathed, her breath skipping slightly. Derek turned to face her. "You didn't sight-see when you were here before?" she asked quizzically, still quite awestruck by the tower's hovering presence as she took in Derek's curious gaze.

"No, well, I was here for work … and … well … I just …," he sighed, losing his train of thought as he stared at her in the bright filtered light. "What was your excuse?" he asked softly then, wondering why she wouldn't have been up to that tower considering all the traveling she had done through Europe before she started medical school.

"I don't know exactly …," she smiled and shook her head. "I had plenty of opportunities and I was just thinking about now before you came out here … and …," she sighed breathlessly suddenly lost within a old memory of uncertainty, though she did find a healthy dose of solace in her lover's steadfast gaze.

"And …," Derek prompted with a small smile, his fingertips grazing her shoulder, slipping underneath the plush terrycloth of her robe, _rub, rub._

"The best I can figure is … well –_ at the time _– I was such a brooding, angry mess … and you know I was really traipsing around Europe on a mission to piss my mother off …," she smiled weakly, her mind landing on Ellis and that indelible fight they had before she left. She shook her head; Derek leaned over and pressed a comforting kiss to her cheek. She sighed and continued. "Anyway, I think I wasn't in the right frame of mind to appreciate it … considering it's the pinnacle of romance …," she sighed, her voice trailing off; her heart beating faster now, her mind on her on her mother still.

"Makes sense," Derek smiled thoughtfully, once again struck by his lover's deep feelings and the way she expressed them to him, for her roundabout way of working it out and overcoming her tumultuous childhood really never ceased to amaze him and therein, he fell in a little bit more in love with her.

"I don't think …," Meredith sighed, pushing her exhale through her slightly parted lips. "I kind of remember seeing it for the beauty of it … it's such a remarkable relic and it was even then, but back then – _at the time_ – I wasn't inspired to have a tactile experience … so I avoided any opportunity I had …," she sighed, sorting through her thoughts as she spoke.

"And now …," Derek prompted, smiling as he spied yet another facet to her shimmering eyes.

Meredith smiled; her cheeks heated. "And now … I'm glad I didn't squander it … or taint my memory of it …," she breathed, looking away from the tower to find her lover.

_Tilting her head up with a knowing smile wherein he ducked down and immediately kissed her long and hard, making love with her mouth as he took her skull in his hands without hesitation kissing much how he always did, her core stirring, damn, she already wanted more. _

Derek beamed, pulling away slightly. "Me too," he murmured, brushing his lips against hers again.

"Do you think that's why you stayed away from really visiting the city too?" she asked, turning into his arms, her hands flanking his skull, her fingertips nestled in his wild locks. She smiled.

"Well, I was here for a week and didn't venture out unless it was some kind of networking thing," he smiled reflectively, really thinking about his own avoidance at that time.

"So … it all comes down to timing … again," Meredith breathed, her eyes fixed on the calm seas she found within his.

"It does … and our timing … is perfect," he deemed softly, losing himself in the clarity of the moment, the idea of realizing what it meant to be back in this city with her.

"It is perfect," she agreed, her mind quickly moving over the ideas of fate and destines fulfilled.

"Come here," he murmured, drawing her near as he stared into her green, clear eyes.

_And so she did, and when she did – she kissed him like no other time before – she kissed in the way that she wanted to remember this precise moment of alignment, her whole body reacting, swaying in arms whilst perched upon this terrace, the beautiful Eiffel Tower, their witness. Succumbing to his touch, his lips and mouth and tongue making love with her while she almost ached for his touch and this thing called their 'perfect timing'. _

_And therein she let herself go, she set herself free to dream and live out those dreams, alighted by their love and these deep feelings that anything was possible … anything – and suddenly, as she continued to mate her mouth with his – all she could think about was how much she wanted him on a plane such as this… alone, away where no one knew them and in a place where time belonged solely to them … seeing now that this romantic city and country they traveled so far and wide to in order to lose themselves within was merely a backdrop that could have been anywhere in the world. _

"I need you," Derek husked, his body suddenly awake, his cock already twitching as he pulled Meredith even closer and began to walk her back into the suite. "Right now," he muttered against her open mouth as she took control of their destiny, reaching around him to open the door.

"Right now's good," she agreed as they stepped into privacy, the door closing behind them before she began to pull on the tie of her robe, her lips still attached to her lover's his hands slipping beneath the plush fabric at her shoulders setting the garment into a free-fall to the ground.

_The lovers worked breathlessly then to rid one another of the last of their barriers, Derek bringing Meredith closer to his body, his cock waking up for her already as he palmed her toned tush, her pert nipples cutting across his chest as their mouths mated and they finally fell into the oversized bed together – Meredith calling his name as he came to rest between her thighs – her hot sex trapped between them, her nose brushing against his as they kissed and kissed, together in a thick cloud of bliss. _

"I want you slow … slow," Derek muttered into her mouth, his tongue massaging hers as she shifted beneath him, his hard muscle fitting perfectly into the groove of her bikini line.

"Slow …," Meredith agreed, planting her feet on the mattress where she flexed her hips up, rubbing her pliant folds against the tip of his ready cock. "So good," she husked with an appreciative smile, her eyes fixed on her man's for a beat, her arousal for him slipping beyond her folds; Derek's hand moving between them to manipulate her there.

"Hmm, oh wow," he sighed, his fingers parting her slick folds as he breached her opening with just his sensitive head, _slip, slip, wet, hot, hot, hot, down, down_ he pulsed, easing into her fleshy cavern, her muscles claiming him with familiar ownership as he did, his pursed lips landing around one of her gorgeous puckered nipples where he massaged the nerves with his tongue, _flick, flick, suck, suck … bite._

"Fill me up," she breathed, arching her back as she closed her eyes – _darkness swallowing her whole_ – her nipples aching for her lover's hot tongue as he volleyed between her pleasure points now, all the while working their machine, his downward pulses slow … meaningful … purposeful.

And as he settled into a rhythm of perfection, Meredith felt at one with Derek, her body responding to his heated, yet slow caresses along with everything she had already come to love and anticipate about making love with her man – _the familiar pulsing grooves of his cock, the feeling of his muscle as it massaged her from the inside out … in, out, in, out … the slippery ridge of his head as it created just the right amount of everything_ – because he _was_ everything to her and she was to him, evidenced by the way they consumed one another as they made love time and time again.

And it was true, she loved that consumption she felt, for paradoxically, she felt almost naked without it now – _yes, she loved him more and more each time she let herself submit to him and to the possessive angle in which he branded her with his passion _– yes, she loved him and the way he repetitively made her _'his'_ with every downward pulse he gave her _… in, out, in, out_ … his hot lips pressed to her neck, her hips wide open for him as her slick folds and pliant muscles spread to accommodate all he had become for her.

"I love you," she declared, her raspy call rummaging around in the thick haze of their union as she held on tight – _prepared to ride the waves of blessed orgasmic bliss_ – her heated call still clinging to their damp flesh inside the small space between them.

"Hmm … love you too …," he heaved, his strangled words lodged in his throat as her toned vaginal muscles began to systematically clench around him, massaging his pulsing cock with a chant of their own: _'cum, cum, cum'._

_And therein he listened, cumming into her while she came around him in a flurry of heat, their muscles humming to a beat of their own making, his nose pushed into her the damp tendrils of her hair, breathing her in – finding her new additive with relative ease, the essence of 'them' twirling up and into the air all around them – soothing them while they became a heated, sated mess under that new, thick canopy of lavender mist._

###

With the evening sun having just dropped below the horizon, there really wasn't anything the lovers could say about standing atop the Eiffel Tower at dusk – _aside from maybe that the city was luminescent, a whimsical place that maybe only existed in their dreams before tonight _– it was as simple as that really _– a dream realized_ – one perhaps they never knew they had shared until they met one another and came to stand upon this famous plateau together.

_And so as they stood and marveled at the city far and wide and the way it simply twinkled against the pale gray sky, all they could do was breathe and lean into one another in an effort to make the surreal … real. _

Meredith held on to the railing and closed her eyes for a beat, the cool evening air rushing along her flushed cheeks, her ears open and listening to the whipping of that wind and the ebb and flow of traffic well below them. She sighed and opened her eyes again, blinking in reaction to the cold air as she turned toward Derek and watched him peer through the lens of his camera seemingly focused on the Grand Palais.

Smiling, she watched him take a handful of other photos before she turned her attention back to the expansive view, turning to walk along the perimeter en route to find their hotel, curious to see how tiny it would look from the enormity of the tower. She bypassed a young couple, their eyes shining at one another, and even now with the darkening sky falling all around them – _she could see their shining eyes_ – for they were enchanted, glowing, captivated, much like she and Derek were.

Pulling her lavender pashmina tighter around her neck, she rounded the corner and spied their hotel and yes, from the tower vantage point, the terrace surrounding their room was dwarfed to scale, the reach-out-and-touch effect gone now as she stood upon her higher perch, scanning the streets below, spotting with ease the little corner bistro where they had an early dinner – _the champagne still tickling her throat, the chocolate hazelnut filled crepes still on her tongue_ – those she reluctantly shared with Derek, silently vowing now to go back for more tomorrow.

Turning away from the corner there, Meredith hunkered down and into her lightweight coat, the wind pushing against her back now as she heard a melodic giggle, her eyes flicking up to see the young lovers, the man with his hands on the railing, the woman, trapped between his body and the barrier – _still one unto each other_ – he kissed her neck while her fingertips danced along his broad shoulders. He whispered something in her ear; her head flew back and her intimate giggle floated into the night sky again.

_Derek sauntered up to Meredith watching her watch the couple, the stronger wind pushed through his hair and he shrugged his shoulders against the night. The city twinkled around him as he moved slowly, his eyes transfixed on his lover as he came to stand next to her, his back also against the cold railing. She smiled radiantly as she turned around and peered out the skyline again, nudging his side as she did. _

He snickered, slipping the camera in his deep pocket before he draped his arm around her. "So I guess that answers that question," he said thickly, his lips pressed to her cool cheek now.

She giggled. "What question?" she prompted, her smile reaching her eyes.

"The one I had in my mind about taking you on that terrace," he flirted – _Meredith's head flew back, her giggle twirling into the wind_ – his lips attached to her earlobe where he breathed her in. "What? Don't tell me you didn't think about it," he warned playfully, his fingertips tangled in the soft weave of her pashmina now.

Meredith reflexively rolled into her lover's embrace – _and though their stance was far from intimate_ – he had no care for that as she began to kiss her man, her hands planted on the handsome planes of his cheeks, her tongue brushing along his, nerve to nerve, her core smoldering, her knees already weak as they became so swept up in one another that their mystifying surroundings fell away and all that mattered was fulfilling this sequestered dream of a lifetime with the only man she ever loved or would love.

"I didn't think about it," she panted, pulling away just enough to speak, her swollen lips still tingling from his kisses. She smiled and so did he.

"You didn't?" he asked, tilting his head. "Hmm, it's only me Meredith … and it might be dirty, you know … but you know … you can tell me anything …," he husked against her hot open mouth. She stepped closer, his wrapped his arms tighter around her where they began to sway in the wind; he pouted.

Meredith smirked. "It really didn't," she defended playfully, rocking with her lover to a beat of their own making. "But I'll confess …," she smiled, pressing her lips to his again, _pulse, pulse._ "That walled garden off the suite in Provence … you know the one from the photos …," she sighed breathlessly, batting her long lashes as she did.

"I know the one …," Derek teased. "What about it?" he sassed, egging her on just because.

Meredith leaned up on her toes and wrapped her lips around her lover's earlobe, kissing him there wildly before she whispered to him. "I had a dream about it … a very real dream …," she sighed seductively.

"A dream … I like when you have dreams …," Derek whispered, holding her close, with the serious thought that he never wanted to leave this moment in time, this dream realized. He shuddered and kissed the top of her head, their eyes moving along the colorful lights of the skyline now.

"Look at all of the colors … the lights, twinkling everywhere, Derek," Meredith said after a moment, burrowing deeper into his heat.

"It's beautiful, truly," he agreed, still savoring the moment – _lost within his own dreamscapes for the moment_ – dreams that belonged to their future. He felt Meredith shiver and was pulled from his reverie. "Shall we?" he asked softly, pulling back to find her glassy, bright eyes.

She nodded and rolled out of his embrace before they began to walk back from whence they came, moving around the small clusters of people here and there en route to the elevator and were almost there when they happened upon the young lovers Meredith was intrigued by earlier.

"Hi," the young woman said, her voice as cheerful as her cherubic cheeks. Her blond flyaway hair framed her face; she pushed it out of the way. "I'm Meg and this is my husband Tom and we were wondering if you could take our picture …," she smiled brightly.

"And then we could take yours," Tom offered up quickly. "You know, newlyweds to newlyweds," he chirped happily.

"Um … sure …," Meredith smiled, shaking Meg's hand; she felt a hot rash of heat claim her cheeks.

"Great idea, I'm Derek and this is Meredith," Derek answered straight away, pulling his camera out. "Let me snap you two first, where do you want me?" he asked, slipping his hand through Meredith's.

"Oh really anywhere, though I do like the lights coming off of the Grand Palais," giggled Meg.

"You lead, we'll follow," Derek smiled genuinely.

_So the foursome got to work, moving to the railing off and to the right of where they stood. The men swapped cameras and within a flurry of moments, each couple had more than a handful of keepsakes. After a brief chat about their respective travel plans, Meredith and Derek once again found themselves alone and waiting for the elevator, his chin resting on her shoulder as she scrolled through Tom's handy work, stopping on one particular shot. _

_Smiling, she ran fingertips over the image captured just minutes ago, Derek's arm draped along her shoulders, the wind sweeping through their wild locks, their eyes bright and full of clarity and love … her cheeks still flushed; they were happy, the picture of happiness … again … it would seem 'Renoir's Muse' would live on._

She smiled and peeked up to Derek. "We look like Sissy and Charles, don't we?" she breathed. "You know the photo she has on her desk … the one where they are so young and in love … and standing right about here," she sighed, leaning into his heat.

"I do … we do …," Derek agreed, pressing his lips to her cheek, his eyes fastened to the photo of a dream come true.

###

_It wasn't until they were across the street and secluded in the dark corner of the swank elevator at their hotel that Derek considered what had actually happened on that upper deck. Smiling to himself, he glanced at Meredith, watching her now as she searched her small shoulder bag for the key card to unlock the suite. He smiled and pulled his out and smirked as he handed it to her. She smiled and moved into his arms where she kissed him, soft and quick._

"I want to take a bath with you …," she sighed against his lips.

"Well, that's perfect, because I want to take a bath with you …," he husked as the elevator doors opened. They stepped out of the enclave and into the small deserted suite entryway. "I mean, you've seen the size of that tub …," he snickered playfully as they stepped through the doorway and into the inner sanctuary of their space.

"Yeah … hard to miss," Meredith smirked as she set her bag down and tilted her head up; Derek ducked down and pressed his lips to hers.

"It's at least three times the size –"

"Of the trailer shower, I know!" she giggled, both breathless, eyes shining, thankful to be warm and alone again.

_Without another word, the lovers traipsed along the suite, undressing one another in the relative darkness, with the floor-to-ceiling drapes open, the skyline twinkled all around them still as they moved toward the bathroom. Once there, Derek turned the floor heater on and then started the bathwater, pouring a handsome amount of that lavender body wash into the water. _

"When we build the retreat we need a bathtub, agreed?" he asked softly, raising his brow, for he knew that all the lusty showers they had taken together would never amount to as much fun as they might have in a bathtub.

Meredith smiled. "Agreed," she sighed, moving closer to kiss his perfect-fit lips, her pert breasts brushing against his naked chest; the thin fabric of her tank top no match for her arousal, her nipples beaded into peaks on their own accord.

_Her heart trembling now as she lost herself in the sea of his eyes and pulled the last of her clothing off, her hands on the button fly of Derek's jeans as the steam began to thicken the air, warm and hot. She inhaled sharply, the lavender bubbles popping in the tub, their intoxicating scent exploding all over the place now as Derek held his hand out for her and helped her step into the tub. She stood for a brief moment and watched him flick the overhead light off before he joined her wherein they sighed heavily in unison – each captivated by the other – he smiled and so did she as they sank deeper and deeper into the hot water._

_Meredith closed her eyes as Derek turned the water off and silence consumed them for a beat, his healing hands already massaging her feet, her head lolling back in sated bliss as a moan of appreciation escaped her swollen lips. She moved her opposite foot, setting her toes against his flaccid cock, warm and silky and at rest … until the muscle twitched against her lithe touch wherein it was his turn to moan; she opened her eyes and found him there, waiting for her. _

Derek smiled and regarded his woman for a beat, setting her right foot down along his cock before he picked her left foot up and began there where he left off. He sighed, inhaling a deep breath of the lavender elixir, filling his lungs at capacity while he prepared himself to ask Meredith his question. He swallowed hard and just stared at her for a beat, knowing in his heart of hearts that her reason was likely the same as his.

"Why didn't you correct them?" he asked softly then, his words hanging in the thick humid air.

"Hmm?" Meredith breathed, coming out of her haze, this feeling of captivation she succumbed to whenever they shared intimate moments like this.

"Meg and Tom …," he prompted with a soft smile, his eyes shimmering the soft golden light.

"Why didn't you?" she countered with that small intimate smile.

"Didn't have to …," he mused, pulling her hot foot towards him, creating thunderous claps of water as the current shifted in the tub as she moved.

"No …?" she asked breathlessly as she came to straddle him, her hands on his broad shoulders as she steadied herself.

He shook his head – _'no'_ – puling her near, tilting his chin up – _he seized her right nipple, brushing his tongue across the perfect rosy bead_ – swirling the nub in his mouth while he felt a surge of untamed heat radiate from her pussy. "No," he quipped, turning his attention to her left breast, so lost in the abundance of her flesh.

"No … hmm," she breathed, moaning slightly as he pursed his lips around her pleasure points, _swirl, swirl, bite_. "Yes … no … why ….," she breathed, inhaling the essence of _'them' _now – _her plump folds brushing against his long, hard shaft_ – flesh on flesh, her head began to swim.

"Because it's only a matter of … time … timing …," he husked, bringing his mouth up to hers, intent on stealing her last breath, his cock pulsing just inside her entrance, her warm depths ready and waiting … _slip, slip, hot, hot … hot. _

"Time … timing …," she sighed, leaning up and into his heat, her mouth attached his in a series of wild kisses wherein she lost herself completely.

_Breathing, she panted, pulling back, locking her eyes with his now in an effort to ground herself – the tip of his cock at her entrance, his eyes glistening akin to the lights of the Paris skyline – she smiled, unable to form a single coherent thought other than the reason why she didn't correct Meg: for she already felt that deep connection and she knew a piece of paper or the changing of her name wasn't at all necessary, though she knew should Derek Shepherd ever ask her to marry him, she wouldn't hesitate to say 'yes'._

Derek pulsed upwards, breaching the outer folders of his lover's slick heat. "It's true … it's only a matter of time," he repeated his vow, pulling away from her, his hot hands flanking her skull now.

_They lovers panted, the water twirling around them, the steam heavy and thick and oh so sweet, their hearts beating out of their chests – and they could feel it too – the vibrations, the melodic hum of their connectivity._

"You know that, don't you …," Derek mused aloud, awestruck by a new twinkle he found within her eyes. "It's only a matter of time … before I ask you …," he professed, staring into her evergreen gateways without blinking.

And then he smiled, for long gone were days where he found the need to hold his tongue, the insecurity he felt for so long in other relationships, truly gone now, for he was so sure of Meredith's stance on their relationship that any and all inhibitions he had about scaring her with his feelings had all but vanished.

And watching the way her eyes shimmered right here, right now, the way she allowed herself to collect those unshed tears – _was all the proof he really needed_ – realizing now that he was merely a witness to her new ownership of shimmering, glimmering and colorful star lights of untamed hope and therein, as he stared at her in quiet awe, he saw everything the Eiffel Tower offered its throngs of visitors: _color,_ _light, hope, magic, mystique … and love. _

Meredith shook herself from his spell and smiled effortlessly as she positioned his cock she loved so much over her heated entrance, her flesh more than lubricated by her for need for him. "Hmm, feels so good … what you've done to me …," she giggled breathlessly.

"It does," he agreed, running his hot, wet hands down her back where he came to rest them on her hips, he pulsed upwards, holding her steady, locking his eyes with her.

"Hmm … I suppose I do … know … Derek," she muttered, her breathing hitched. "I know … I already know …," she mused, sucking in a deep breath. "I love you … so much," she whispered thickly, leaning forward as she finally lowered herself onto his steely rod.

"And I love you," he heaved, his lips attached to hers as her pelvis met his and she began to rock back and forth. "The way you love me … it's the same …," he husked, his tongue parting her lips as she swallowed him whole, back and forth she went. "It's the way I love you … married or not … today, tomorrow, next week … infinitely …," he vowed, staring into her clear, loving eyes as he cradled her blissfully heavy body in his arms while she continued to rock and sway him into oblivion.

**Chapter 18 – Blush on Lavender Fields – Part 2 of 3 to follow.**


	25. Chapter 18, Blush on Lavender Fields, P2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note:**** Thanks for the patience in waiting for updates; my life is pretty much crazy right now, not in a bad way, just in an all-consuming way. I truly hope you enjoy this section and please … let me know how you feel after reading; it would make my otherwise hectic day, more enjoyable!**

**Chapter 18 – Blush on Lavender Fields – Part 2 of 3 **

Meredith held Derek's hand as they strolled through the quaint streets of Bordeaux en route to the Place des Quinconces, the largest square in all of Europe. Their hope was to visit the impressive Monument aux Girondins, one of the more prominent points of interest for the picturesque city. Slipping her hand tighter through his, she squeezed, exhaling into the early afternoon air, looking up to see the last of the morning clouds burn off, the sun shining bright and high in the sky now – _though they continued to be sheltered from its apparent warmth as they navigated briskly through the narrow streets_ – the buildings so close together that their passageways were akin to wind tunnels, cool and dark, cobblestone beneath their feet. Derek returned her gesture – _moving to drape his arm around her shoulders as she hunkered down_ – the wind slamming against their faces. Her eyes both cold and tear-filled, she blinked and set those salty, reflexive drops free as she burrowed deeper into her woven pashmina wrap she thought to bring.

Derek moved to hold her closer, his lips pressed against her temple as they strolled on, her mind wandering, carrying her far and away, just like her legs through the unfamiliar streets of the city, her thoughts wild with possibility, plus that small hint of fear she couldn't dispel. She blinked and leaned into her lover's familiarity – _silently grounding herself as she had done several times throughout their first morning here in Bordeaux _– for having arrived from Paris via a midnight train the night before, the couple saw little more than their hotel suite, which was small and comfortable and welcoming.

So with the day ahead of them, they rose early, taking in a leisurely breakfast before they set out to see the city on foot while they made their way closer to the bistro where they would later meet Floret, her husband Jean-Luc and their beloved Claire. Meredith smiled at the thought of seeing her friend and this treasure of a daughter she had come to love already. But that smile quickly faded as her mind reflexively went to her next thought, for the more she walked through the quaint, magical city, she found it hard to believe that a child could be abducted here, and in broad daylight – _and it wasn't that she was naïve, of course there was an undercurrent of evil everywhere these days_ – it was just that, for _her_, this trip was the stuff dreams were made from.

_And those dreams were born from something she never thought would come to pass for her in her lifetime – a romantic getaway – endless, seamless hours spent wrapped around her lover in mind, body and spirit. _

And so it would seem that the magic of their time spent here so far – _was somehow diminished_ – just knowing how much heartache Floret and Jean-Luc and Claire were entrenched within, well, she hated to admit it, but her idealistic view of this famous, wine-producing port had been somewhat tarnished. Even if the man was, according to Claire, _'was never going to harm her'_, for it turned out that he was mentally unstable (though not volatile) and convinced that she was his younger sister who had perished when they were just children (apparently Claire bore a striking resemblance to the girl) and it seemed that sadly he was almost living in the past – _never a moment of clarity to be had_ – carting Claire around as he followed the same route his parents took while they vacationed twenty years before, and what would have become the last trip they took together as a family.

_Meredith sighed resolutely then – it was sad state of affairs, miserable and life changing for all involved – for both Claire and her abductor were hopelessly lost and found at the precise moment Claire's 'escape' had presented itself. A tight smile tugged at Meredith's face and she sighed again, pushing the air out of her lungs as Derek's stance came to mind: for he believed that the magic she envisioned would be restored once she came face to face with Floret and Claire and saw them for her own eyes … and for now, she had to believe he was right. _

Smiling, she tilted her head up and found his eyes as they stopped to wait at a red light, the city behind them. Her lover smiled before he ducked down and kissed her lips, pulsing once, then again before he pulled back. "It's been a beautiful morning so far," she surmised thoughtfully, leaning into his heat.

"It has, not as busy as Paris, but busy in its own way, don't you think?" Derek pondered with a smile.

"Yeah … something like that," Meredith sighed, looking on as Derek pulled Floret's directions from his pocket. "Looks like we're almost there," she said, glancing down at the hand drawn map.

_The light turned green and off they went, this time moving out of the shadows of the tall buildings behind them, the outer perimeter of the large public square within the next couple of blocks now as Meredith pinned her hand to Derek's hip, draping her arm low around back, her other hand firmly clutching the short handle of her shoulder bag, Claire's gift safely inside. _

Derek inhaled a large breath of the fast-moving summer air – _the sun on his shoulders, the wind pummeling his back_ – the narrow breezeway of the city behind them now as he navigated on and forward, their destination just up ahead, the bistro where they planned to meet Floret also in the vicinity now.

"You know," he breathed, drawing her near. "Everything I've read about Bordeaux – _aside from the wine of course_ – pointed to this monument," he reported, peering down and to the right as they crossed another small street, the wide bend of the River Garonne still unseen from their point of view.

"'_Impressive'_ is the word I have heard," Meredith sighed, forcing herself into the tourist's mindset yet again. She looked up and then she smiled brightly. "There … I think I see the very tip of the statue, just above those trees," she pointed, her heart suddenly alighted; her same smile spread upon her face.

"I think you're right," Derek agreed with a broad smile of his own, taking her hand – _his keen eyes resting on the tip of the weathered bronze statue _– seen now just above a thick cluster of trees that bordered the perimeter of the square.

His smile continued, reassured by Meredith's sudden burst of genuine excitement as they crossed over another small street; his arm still draped protectively along her shoulders as he stole another peek at her – _for it was no secret between them that she had grown quiet and reflective on the train last night_ – and even though she hadn't said anything, they both knew she didn't have to, for it was enough for her to know that he sensed her trepidation with regards to some element of this meeting – _the fear of the unknown, perhaps_ – her insecurities revealed to him as early as yesterday afternoon as a frenzy ensued over finding the_ 'perfect' _gift for young Claire.

Absentmindedly, he kissed the crown of her head, warmed by her thoughtfulness when he thought of the gifts they (finally) had chosen _– the first, a white gold necklace adorned with the symbol of peace and hope, a delicate dove with a tiny all-seeing diamond eye_ – and the second, a leather-bound journal, this one purchased after learning that Claire was somewhat of a natural born poet.

_Meredith breathed, exhaling as they stepped under the shelter of the trees, the momentary reprieve from the sun a welcome change as she and Derek found themselves at the precipice of the square, the towering monument just ahead – and Floret's neighborhood just beyond that – a neighborhood ironically shrouded within the shadows of the column erected to honor a group of men who fought for liberty and freedom some two hundred years ago. They stepped from beneath the cluster of trees and she found a smile spread upon her face as the edge of the square and the magnificent monument materialized._

"It's gorgeous," she deemed softly, the summer wind pressing against her back, warm, soothing; hot tears stung her eyes.

"It is …," he agreed softly, turning into her for a beat.

Watching her closely now as emotion crashed over her like the unexpected power behind the waves of the ocean, Derek protectively draped his arm along her shoulders again – _offering his silent support as they walked on and forward for a short time_ – his eyes trained on the beauty of the Monument aux Girondins, the surrounding fountain and all of its symbolism in full view now. Their speed coming to a slow stop as they stood at the top of the steps – _the column and its statuesque figure of liberty high above them_ – the miles of the Place des Quinconces laid before them, the murky brown water of the River Garonne barely visible, though close enough now that the air was both damp and salty.

Meredith squeezed his hand; he turned back to her and watched her breathe – _in and out_ – slow and easy, her eyelids closed. "You okay?" he finally asked; his voice soft, quiet. He waited for her answer.

"I think so," she answered candidly as she opened her eyes and found his. She shifted on her feet, leaning into his heat as she did. "I'm just …," her voice trailed off; she shrugged.

"Nervous … excited …," Derek prompted with an encouraging smile; though he immediately spotted that new filter of trepidation within her dark green eyes.

She looked away, fixing her eyes on the horizon of where the river met the concrete of the square. "Something like that … I'm conflicted …," she finally answered as she turned her attention to the beautiful fountain below them – _her troubling thoughts suddenly faded _– the rush of the water somewhat calming.

_Smiling, she stepped away from Derek as he took her bag from her and retrieved his camera. Taking a handful of steps, she moved to stand at the top of a small set of steps to the left of the fountain structure, her mind wild now as her eyes moved along the statues, glistening in the sun, the intricate details of the ironwork so intense that they stimulated her imagination – she blinked and steadied herself – her eyes never leaving the glorious monument as she walked down one or two steps where she suddenly found herself inside a deep pocket of shade, this small clandestine space created by the hour of the day and the looming column and statue at its top._

_Once there, she breathed, the salt of the river filling her lungs as the fountain water rushed and trickled through her eardrums, all of which created a cacophonic symphony of sorts. She stepped closer to the fountain, privately testing her knowledge of the sculpted figures there – the message loud and clear, its beauty simple and solidifying, cherubs and warriors, horses, dragons and handsome fish – all encompassing the depiction of the __triumph and rise of the Concord, Fraternity, Abundance and Happiness, along with the tireless Work, Security and Strength of the Republic while the symbolism of Lies, Vice and Ignorance were dramatically thrown to earth. _

_The monument really was an impressive sight where this striking imagery was surmounted by a large concrete column representative of the tenacity of liberty, further accentuated__ by the statue on top that represented the spirit of liberty … another Statue of Liberty._

Derek watched Meredith through the lens of his camera – _his eyes fixed to her every move as she appreciated each of the sculptures, her face changing as she walked along the side of the fountain wherein he saw the vast true colors of the woman he loved over and over and over again_ – her beauty only enhanced by the range of emotions she wore along her flushed face … her apparent happiness lodged there forevermore now as she stood just in front of _'happiness'_, the idea of which was represented by the quadriga horse-fish.

He snapped several photos in rapid succession then – _truly alighted by Meredith's smile and the way her lavender wraparound dress blew open in the wind to reveal her long, lean legs, his smile even wider as he watched her cheeks heat, pressing the fabric down and away in a effort to make it cooperate – 'click, click, click'_ went the shutter, his eyes trained on her still as she turned around to find him there … her face round and full and happy as she stared at him and he at her … he pressed the shutter one last time – _Meredith still swathed in 'happiness' _– and it was fitting because she was truly happy and fulfilled and alive and well and … in love. And although still quite awestruck by her beauty, he pulled the camera away from his eyes and met her gaze. He smiled and so did she.

"You're okay," he called out to her after a minute, doing his best now to allay the last of her fears without too many words. He crossed the small space and pressed his lips to her cheek, pulsing _once, twice, _comforted when she leaned into his touch.

Meredith smiled under his lips before she tilted her head up. "I'm okay …," she agreed breathlessly while she stared at him, his eyes so blue … so clear … just like the sky. She giggled as his arms encircled her where they swayed together for a beat – _dancing, but not dancing_ – her ear pressed against the predictable rhythm of his heart, her own lullaby.

Derek breathed, salt and earth and lavender; he smiled and held her close. "You are," he agreed, pulling back. "Claire … she's safe … she's home," he reminded her gently.

"I know … I know," Meredith answered. "Am I that easy to read?" she asked with a small grin.

"You are … to me, you are," Derek assured, watching the trouble in her eyes dissipate.

Smiling, he swiftly moved to pin her back and into that pocket of privacy behind her, his lips finding her collarbone as he slipped his camera into his pocket and dropped her bag at their feet. Her fists pinned to his hips now as she pulled him closer, his hands on her shoulder caps. His fingertips dancing along the soft knit of her pashmina while his lips descended upon her neck, nipping at her flesh just above the vee of her dress.

_Meredith's breathing hitched now as she felt the cool granite against her back, while the heat of Derek's body claimed her from the front – and she gravitated to him, her body pliant in his arms – where he warmed her from the inside out. His lips finding hers as he made love to her mouth in broad daylight. _

"You are gorgeous …," he husked against her open mouth, her body heavy in his arms; his tongue massaged hers, _pulse, pulse_. "And this dress … Jesus …," he sighed thickly – _his fingertips moving along the V-neck _– the small swell of her breasts only fueling his inferno for her, _God, she drove him mad without even trying. _

"What about it?" Meredith dared herself to ask him; her heart thumping wildly, her mind suddenly more relaxed and happy – _and then she supposed that was his point_ – smiling widely, she found his eyes and batted her long lashes.

"It's sexy as hell," he surmised with a wicked, intimate grin before ducking his head down where he nipped and kissed her neck – _the wings of her butterfly pulse beating against his lips_ – she was intoxicating, pure and simple.

"Sexy, you like sexy … what does it make you want to do …," she prompted, her voice ragged … stacked.

"Hmm," he moaned in response, his lips still pressed to her pulse, her hot breath breezing along his ear. "Makes me want to open the tie …," he breathed. "Right here … in the front," he tugged on the knot at her hips where he held her inside the moment with his eyes, staring at her for a beat where – _passion, want, need, desire, love_ – stared back at him. She trembled in his arms, her skin pricked akin to goose flesh; he held her close, his breathless cackle raging between them.

"And then …," Meredith prompted, her skin on fire, her hormones out of control, pinging all around and in between them, moving along their line of fire … their ring of desire.

"I want you … dress open, against that wall in the foyer of the suite …," he murmured thickly, his cock twitching at the thought wherein he moved closer to his woman, a brief flicker of clarity prompting him to shield her from anyone who might see them.

"The wall, the dark corner … the one with the black velvet overlay … so sexy," she encouraged, her mind suddenly a million miles away.

"Hmm, gold and black … and you … lavender dress … open," Derek replied between another round of heated kisses.

"Yes … hmm … black … like my panties," she teased as he growled her name, her desire for him running through her veins akin to blood now, red and hot and full of life.

_Pulling back, she panted, the sun still high in the sky, the shadow of the monument still shielding them – the vacuum of the waterfall their soundtrack in perpetuity, they were alone, alone, together – her heart thumped into her ears as she stared at him for a beat before he ducked down and branded flesh her again. _

_And that was all it took, she was a goner and lost sight of the famous square in front of them – her mind and body consumed with lust – his lips caressing her skin, down, down, pulse, pulse, heat traveling from every one of his sinuous kisses, up, up, up to the angular planes of her cheeks, her head thrown back against the cool granite now, her hands still pinned to his trim hips as he worked her over. _

_Pulling him forward, her hands traveling up and along his muscular chest before she flanked his handsome face in her hands and seized his mouth with hers, nose against nose, breasts to chest, toe to toe, 'mine, mine', she chanted silently as she kissed and kissed and kissed him just as he kissed and kissed and kissed her … again and again – his mission now complete – for it was true, that the world and Bordeaux and any and all of the ugly that happened here … was gone, diminished … forgotten … while she let herself become lost, once again, in the only man she had ever or would ever love … she opened her eyes to find him._

"You're amazing …," she whispered deep inside the groove of their energy, her wet eyes vacillating over his as a smile formed along his handsome face.

"You've said this before," he teased, pushing a stray strand of her hair away from her flushed face. "Feeling better?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. He smiled.

"Something like that," she giggled leaning into his heat, her heart still racing from their steamy encounter. She leaned back against the cool granite. "I'm hot …," she teased.

Derek leaned down and grabbed her bag with a smirk on his face. "You are … just wait until tonight," he sassed with that same sexy smile.

###

Later, the couple sat at the wine bar of the neighborhood bistro and quietly toasted to one another – _their intimate sentiments housed within their fixated eyes_ – their cheeks still flushed from their time outdoors … they were smitten, captivated … and more in love with one another as the clock ticked forward. Derek leaned forward, brushing Meredith's lips with his, soft and quick _– his vibrating hum funneled into her open mouth_ – she tasted as divine as the wine they drank.

Barely pulling back from her lips, he stared at her in quiet awe, much how he always did, for she was truly beautiful – _though here, with the ambient light reflecting against the wine bottles and goblets behind them and the way she sat just so perched upon her high stool_ – she looked regal, of royal descent … his queen … his_ 'everything'_, so much so that she positively glowed.

And it was within this private moment of reflection that he leaned in again and spoke to her, this time in her ear. "I love you," he whispered, feeling that familiar spark of energy between them. He kissed her neck. "Do you … know how much … how … mad I am with love for you?" he asked, his lips pursed around the flesh of her earlobe now … she smelled of Bordeaux and lavender.

Meredith's heart raced; she set her goblet down; her hand shaking just so. "As mad as I am for you," she answered softly, watching her lover, so awestruck by his beauty – _his facial features relaxed _– the stress of his daily life at the hospital … gone, for he was truly in the moment, with her. "I love you …," she sighed, resting her hand along his cheekbone. He blinked and so did she. "Thank you … for this moment we're about to have … for this trip," she mused thoughtfully, waiting tears collecting inside the deep wells of her eyes.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you," he stated evenly, closing the tiny distance between them now, he kissed her sweet lips. "You taste like … Bordeaux," he commented aloud before he plucked at her lips again. "I like what it's doing to your cheeks … as much as I like what your dress is doing for my imagination," he flirted thickly as Meredith's throaty giggle filled the air between them.

_Meredith's cheeks burned, the wine was definitely going to her head, though there was definitely more, more energy between them than she knew what to do with. Speechless, she shook her head; Derek smirked. _

"What?" he chided, smoothing her hair away from her face.

"It's not the wine," she declared after a beat.

"No?" he prompted, leaning closer. "What is it then?" he teased, his free hand on her thigh now slipping just beneath the flimsy fabric of her dress.

"Hmm … no," she giggled, resting her hand on top of his, her flesh hot under his touch. "It's tonight …," she whispered, leaning closer. "And … the sex … against the wall," she spoke into his ear, the sexual tension buzzing over the short, slim cord of their invisible connection.

"Well … good things do … _come_ to those who wait …," Derek teased playfully, watching with complete joy as his woman squirmed in her seat.

_And so there they sat, two lovers away on vacation – a vacation neither one had ever dreamed of taking – though the hope for something like this was always there, lingering in the deep recesses of their minds … and … so thankful were they now that fate stepped in and righted their paths … because they were blessed. _

_And whether that path started when Derek moved to Seattle or when Claire disappeared and Meredith lost her place or when she bumped her head and rolled into the pit (and into Derek's life)… the truth was, the crossing of their paths didn't matter, because for them – at this moment in time – all that really mattered was where they ended up today … and today … Claire was home and somehow they found their way back … in tandem. _

_Meredith took another small sip of her wine and glanced at her watch – they should be here anytime now – her heart raced, watching now as Derek called the bartender over and passed him a credit card, arranging with him to pick up the tab for the festive meal they were about to enjoy with this long, but not lost, extension of their family._

"Madame, Sir … your guests have arrived," the hostess announced as she came to stand next to the bar. "Please follow me," she smiled genuinely.

_Derek smiled and Meredith slipped from her stool, pushing her bag over her shoulder as she did, her free hand finding her lover's with skilled precision as they stepped into the main dining room and followed the hostess to the rear of the space where a small private dining area was situated. Meredith's heart burned, nervous butterflies clamored deep in her belly – grounding herself, she focused on Derek's hold on her hand – watching the path the hostess took in front of them as she navigated her way through the small clusters of tables and stopped just outside a narrow archway._

"Here we are," she smiled genuinely as she stood aside, announcing the couple as she did.

Meredith smiled and stepped into the more intimate, softly lit space, her eyes locked on Floret's as she slipped her hand from Derek's and walked straight into her dear friend's warm embrace.

_Her heart and mind floating free as they swayed in one another's arms – sighing heavily with relief as Floret folded Claire into their embrace – their collective eyes wet with unshed emotion. Sniffling, the giggling trio pulled back, feet shuffling as they held each other at an arm's length away, tears streaming freely now as they blinked and righted themselves, leaning in and onto one another without hesitation or reservation … for they were family. _

Derek smiled broadly, quite awestruck, though not surprised by his lover's display of emotions – _she was consumed by relief, happy and completely in the moment_ – and that was all he ever wanted for her, well that … and to witness the miracle of her first meeting with Claire, this young girl whom his lover had identified with so remarkably. He turned to the man who stood idly with him, Floret's husband, a thin man with wire-rimmed glasses, his auburn hair combed to the side. He smiled and held his hand out.

Derek took his outstretched hand with a firm grip. "Jean-Luc, a pleasure," he smiled widely, patting the man on the back with his other hand.

"The pleasure is ours Derek," Jean-Luc smiled genuinely in return, his own eyes wet as he marveled at the display of female camaraderie before them.

The women turned to find the men then, their smiles bright, their energy teeming with excitement – _Meredith locked her eyes with Derek's for a beat before the room was set in motion again and the players came to formally meet one another_ – while _informally_ embracing each other in the process. And as it was, the party settled into comfortable conversation, each privately studying one another while they situated themselves at a medium round table, the ambiance calm and soothing, light music playing in the background against the faint din of the other patrons as they did.

_And as Meredith watched Claire, she couldn't help but smile – for much like herself at that age, she was wise beyond her years – and through no fault of her own, had encountered the ugly of life that had surreptitiously stolen her innocence or youth, for disappearances or abandonment could do that to a young, impressionable girl … and for Meredith, it was like looking into a deep well and seeing her own reflection stare back at her from its murky depths. _

_The girl presently pushed her reading glasses higher upon the perch of her nose, tucking some of her unruly blond locks behind her ears, her intense gray-blue eyes still glassy – and therein, she fidgeted like the girl she was – and Meredith found that strangely familiar and comforting, so much so that she tilted her head and draped her arm along the girl's trim shoulders, giving her a small appreciative squeeze, a maternal draw to do so now as she became quite captivated by her young counterpart._

"Claire," Meredith found herself saying; she turned toward Claire. "You must know … this is a dream come true for me," she smiled, speaking slowly, more out of a need for clarity than to level any language barriers.

Claire smiled and felt her cheeks heat under the intense scrutiny of Meredith's emerald gateways. "It is for me as well," she answered. "I must thank you … _again_ … for sending my mother home," she sighed, well aware that the table had grown quiet.

"You're welcome … again," Meredith smiled. "It was –"

"Everything, it meant everything …," Claire insisted, her eyes moving back and forth between her parents where they sat to her left, their hands surely clasped together beneath the table.

"It did Meredith …," Floret interjected softly, her mind moving over the facts of her departure from France … and her hasty return. "Your gesture … it remains unmatched by anything we have ever encountered … you must know, we are still so thankful for your generosity …," she swallowed hard, the wells of her eyes once again filling with salty, hot tears.

"My father … he will tell you …," Claire smiled, her eyes quickly locking with her father's where she found strength and comfort, his eyes of course familiar _– though she still saw the stress of their separation set along his face _– for admittedly he had aged while she was _'missing'_.

Jean-Luc smiled at his beloved daughter and nodded in assent as Meredith Grey met his eyes. "Yes, Meredith dear, you must know … that once my Floret made it home …," he smiled with reflection. "Once she was with me … I felt … better equipped to … more capable of coping," he recounted now. His heart raced; he reached across the table and stared into the eyes of this woman who had all but saved him in his darkest of hours.

"It is what anyone would have done," Meredith said evenly, smiling with encouragement as she did.

"No … no … I must respectfully disagree, for you and Floret, you were neighbors … mere acquaintances at the time … and this … gift, we know now it – _put you out of house and home _– no, no … you my dear, are selfless," he smiled and squeezed her hand, knowing there was no way, even in the financial sense that they would be able to repay her.

Derek smiled and draped his arm along Meredith's shoulders, watching with a keen eye as his lover became deluge with hesitancy – _her head falling comfortably to his shoulder_ – where he felt her tremble slightly inside his embrace. He held her close and kissed the top of her head.

"I agree Jean-Luc," Derek sighed then. "And … have called Meredith as much myself …," he murmured. "She's unlike any person I have ever met … and I should tell you that she has also _'saved'_ … me," he stated evenly, his mind mulling over the void his life had become in those months leading up to his fateful meeting with Meredith.

The French couple looked on with quiet awe at Meredith and her beloved Derek, each reflecting, contemplating the tenacity of fate and the roll it played here – _eyes moving to their daughter now as she spoke quite animatedly with Meredith _– the brightest they had seen her gateways since her return home. The American couple doting on their daughter, quite captivated by her and all she had become whilst they were separated.

The waiter arrived and began to set in front of them an array of carefully selected foods; Floret's mind instantly moving her choices with the hope that there would be something for everyone. She of course was nervous about this meeting and she wanted everything to be perfect _– because they deserved it, every single one of them deserved it_ – this chance to sit back and reflect and revel in all that had happened and be thankful for all that did not.

She couldn't help but smile into herself then, knowing now that apart from Claire's abduction in the first place, she could not have hoped for a better place to be … right here, right now. Because she was happy and things had turned around – _her recent appointment as an art docent meant she was making money again, here in Bordeaux, where she was needed _– and Jean-Luc's store had also turned a corner with the additional business from the many local patrons who began to support the family while Claire was missing, many whom remained trusted customers today … and so it would seem that a sense of community was born where there once was a void.

A smile broke along her face, watching as her dear husband relaxed and spoke freely with Meredith and Derek while she surveyed her dear friend carefully; taking the private opportunity to notice those subtle differences she suddenly saw so easily – _the color of her cheeks, the bright facets to her dark green eyes and the way her spirit seemed to soar – _smiling, she could liken this remarkable change only to the very carefree and apparent way in which she loved Derek Shepherd, her match in every way, their destinies to meet and fall in love … fulfilled … and it was only now that she truly smiled at that wayward way they came to find one another.

###

"I know we have some time to spend together this weekend, but … I … Derek and I wanted you to have this … just something small … from us," Meredith smiled as she handed Claire the brightly wrapped gifts.

Claire smiled and then an unexpected giggle escaped from her lips. She glanced at her mother who nodded in assent. "I have something for you as well," she said, taking an envelope from her mother's outstretched hand. "It's not … for now, but … it is … for you," she sighed breathlessly as she passed the envelope to her new friend.

"Thank you, I will open it later," Meredith promised, setting her hand on top of the envelope, her eyes fixed on the young girl's scroll of her name for a beat.

Derek watched the exchange as he moved his hand down from Meredith's shoulder to her lower back where he pressed evenly there; he felt his lover reflexively lean into his touch. "Yours is for now," he teased playfully after a minute, his eyes flicking to Claire's for a brief moment. "We really want to see how well we did with our shopping," he smiled.

"That's an awfully small box for a young girl …," Floret teased as well; the players laughed.

Claire breathed, her eyes focusing on her hands as she untied the oversized ecru bow wrapped around the small velvet box, a soft leather-bound journal situated beneath it. She glanced up and felt her cheeks heat – _for she still was not accustomed to being the center of attention_ – even now, with the abundance of congratulatory and well-wishing gifts she had received since her return home, even now … she shied away from the spotlight – _longing to blend in and to fail to be noticed_ – though ironically, she had dreamt of little else while she was captured.

Smiling weakly, she opened the small box, her heart racing as she spied the small charm of a dove sparkling against the dim faceted light _– she looked up and held Meredith's gaze first, before she moved on to Derek's_ – her heart alighted when she passed the small box to her mother. "It's lovely … it's hopeful … I love the way the eye sparkles," she murmured, holding her mother's gaze now as she handed the box back to her.

"Well, we thought of you when we spotted it …," Meredith smiled, tiny tears pricked her eyes. "You must know … our collective prayers were answered when you found your way home and we … we're just really happy to meet you," she sighed, resting her hand over the young girl's now.

"Will you put it on for me?" Claire asked softly, lifting the necklace from the box; she pushed her chair out.

Meredith and Derek stood, followed by Floret and Jean-Luc who watched while Meredith draped the delicate piece of jewelry around their daughter's neck. Smiling, they looked on at the pair as Claire turned around to model the necklace. Floret's eyes became glassy then and as she blinked she did nothing to stop her waiting tears – _sprinkling along her cheeks now, they were just further evidence of her recent good fortune_ – friends and family united and reunited. Gravitating toward Jean-Luc's heat, she relaxed for a moment, basking in the happy energy surrounding them, counting her blessings there again.

And so now it was that she found herself in the midst of that special circle of friends and family – _locking eyes with Meredith as they held one another close_ – unscripted words of thanks tumbling out of her mouth as they stood together and marveled at Claire while she chatted with her father and Derek, a prize for all to enjoy now that she was home and safe where she belonged.

Claire turned to her mother and Meredith. "I can't wait to use my new journal tonight," she said with a sheepish grin spread along her face, her fingertips moving over the cover, the leather smooth and soft … decadent.

Derek smiled, holding Floret's gaze as she came to stand before him. She turned and watched Claire and Meredith for a moment, her husband at her side now before she spoke in a hushed tone. "It's remarkable," she sighed, meeting the young man's eyes.

"What's that?" Derek prompted with a smile, his head tilted as he surveyed Floret, her whole face softening as she watched Claire and Meredith together.

"The vibrant color you've given to Meredith …," she intimated; she watched Derek's face light up. "She's so bright now … well, she was always _bright_," she giggled knowingly. "But now … she's radiant … so … whole and full of her potential," she surmised, squeezing Derek's shoulder as they looked on.

"She's happy," he deemed proudly, recalling once again from whence they came – _his thoughts briefly swirling around his first conversations with Sissy_ – those fleeting moments when he knew, even at first glance, that his encounters with Meredith Grey would likely change the course of his life … and then she did.

"She is … and she has a place to belong, which, if I have learned anything from this ordeal – _it would be that the sense of belonging and the connectivity that is born from that _– really embodies the fulfillment we create in our lives …," she smiled. "We need love and compassion and acceptance … it's the human condition …," she sighed, giggling through her tears as Derek embraced her. "Thank you for bringing her here … thank you," she whispered into his ear, her voice cracking … her heart on fire with her own overwhelming sense of fulfillment.

###

_The door to the suite closed behind them and everything was darker and before Meredith knew it, Derek's lips were on hers, the force of his body moving to pin her against the wall – the infamous one with the black velvet overlay – those swirls of softer texture she could feel against her shoulders as he pulled her pashmina from body and let it fall in a heap at her feet. Breathing in tandem with her man, she deepened the urgency of her kisses, moaning for more under the soft shards of light that seeped into the small foyer from the main room of the suite. _

_In no time, Derek stepped even closer to her where he flexed his hips, his arousal felt through his pants as he teased her with all that she did to him, his lips pursed around her ear where he husked her name – 'Meredith' – calling to her, his plea strangled, yet poetic too. _

'_Derek' she heard herself chant, her own voice raspy, her hands flanking his skull, her eyes briefly sweeping the space in front of her before her core smoldered – her clit pulsing, his wild locks tickling her chin and neck as he kissed the swell of her breasts – his lips sticky and wet, nip, suck, kiss, kiss … his nimble fingers already working that tie on her dress. _

_Her head falling back against the wall with a thump then, her own fingers working the zipper of his pants, her concentration shoddy as she lost herself deep inside heated bliss, hands caressing, massaging, and mating now just like their mouths – all of which created a vibration that hummed through the hot air as hours of sexual tension was released into their atmosphere – those pings of want and need and desire, hastily delivered now with every stroke of the hand or tongue. _

_Meredith's breathing hitched, her head swimming, treading water at best – her heart smoldering with heat emanating from her core – her mind soaring somewhere on cloud nine as her body finally succumbed to her consumption of glass after glass of rich, full bodied wine. _

"All afternoon …God, I want you …," Derek husked, his hands working at the tie of her dress, his lips on her pulse at her neck as the folds of fabric fell open, a fresh spray of goose bumps forming across her belly and chest as the fresh air pricked her skin – _he pressed his hand over her heart_ – teasing the tight bead of her nipple as he did. Leaning forward, he found her gaze in the semi-darkness and held her deep inside the moment.

"Derek …," she sighed, her voice shaking as she unbuttoned his shirt, _pop, pop, pop,_ her hand moving further down and across the hard bulge of his cock when she finished. Her fingers moving to his zipper, her cheeks heated, bright and pink. " "I'm… yours … ," she breathed, shifting on her feet.

He smiled, his body on fire for her as he stepped closer and pressed his forehead to hers, his hand still resting over the rapid beat of her heart, _'bang-bang'_ it shouted for him and he was a goner. "You … are mine … my _'everything'_, so beautiful … so bright, even in the darkness," he mused, his lips hovering over hers for a beat before his tongue darted out where she lunged forward and covered his mouth with hers, his fingertips moving to the front clasp of her bra where he released the full weight of her breasts.

Lost within her now, he ducked his head down and stared in wonder at her beauty, his open mouth hovering over her right nipple, the small bead of pleasure swaying atop her breast as her chest heaved with anticipation of his touch. His mind momentarily blank – _his hips bucking forward as Meredith slipped her hand inside his boxers, her slender fingers already a snug fit around his lengthening cock _– wherein she pushed the offending garments down and away just enough to release his arrow-straight rod, precum breaching his opening, his hard muscle twitching between them. His mouth watered, her essence filling his lungs now as he pursed his lips over her delectable nipples – _volleying between them_ – sucking, flicking, nipping and kissing her ripened flesh knowing he could never get enough.

"Oh my …," Meredith husked, her body on fire – _evidence of her arousal pooling at her slit_ – Derek's hot breath fanning her flesh as he breathed through his mouth, his nose pressed into the swell of her breasts_._

Without another coherent thought – _Derek dropped to his knees_ – applying another frenzy of sticky, open-mouthed kisses to the flat plane of his lover's abdomen, his hands cupping her breasts, his talented fingers rolling her taut, rosy nipples ... _pinch, tug, roll, roll – her hands pinned to his shoulder where she grounded herself as he moaned into her flesh, pressing kiss after kiss to her quivering belly just above the lace of her panties_ – her hips flexed up and ready now as she sighed his name and drove him wild.

_Meredith listened as her heated calls for eroticism hung in the air, bliss finally overtaking her mind now as her lover pressed his open mouth over the spot of arousal soaking through the black lace of her panties – his breath hot, the vibration of his moan … intense – his fingers hooking through the strings holding her together at her hips, her sweet sex breaching her folds as he finally pulled the scrap of fabric away … down and away it fell to the floor wherein he wasted no time before he set her right thigh upon his shoulder, positioning her slick opening right where he wanted it: in front of his hungry mouth. _

_Gripping the cotton fabric of his shirt at his shoulders – she knew she wouldn't last long – just focusing on the scene below her alone, made her want to cum … her eyes fluttering as she watched her lover's tongue dart out, the anticipation of his touch more than she could handle as her hips bucked forward in an effort to press her open pussy into and against his open mouth – his tongue swiftly massaging her plump folds, once, twice before he tilted his chin up and focused on her burgeoning clit … pink, fleshy and wet with desire. _

_Her vaginal muscles reflexively pulsing, clenching, working of their own accord, her fingertips laced akin to vise around his skull as she held on tight, willing her legs not to give out as he rapidly flicked her bundle of nerves, pushing her folds back with his thumbs as he did – his hot breath fanning her pulsing hole before he cupped his mouth over her whole pussy again – the intensity of his baritone hymn filling her up in places he couldn't physically reach while her desperation to cum presented itself in a series of searing pulses as her slick pussy moved against his mouth, her body numb, the last of her sensation lost in her legs as she finally let go – thrashing wildly above him – her mind vaguely aware of a change in his tempo … his kisses slow and tender now as he made love to her with his mouth as she simmered down from her boiling point._

Derek breathed through his nose, his mouth still engaged with his lover's pussy as he drank the fruits of his labors, peeking up, completely enthralled by watching her ride the waves of her orgasms, his tongue and mouth covered with her sweet elixir, the ebb and flow of her body's tiny contractions reverberating through his as he carefully unhinged his mouth … quite awestruck by her beauty – _the filtered light and the way it accentuated that sensual sheen that adorned her cheeks and chest_ – her raspy breathing, stacked, sexy as he kissed her abdomen, reveling in her reaction to his touch, _kiss, kiss_, he swiftly moved _up, up, up_ along her gorgeous body, his body, mind and spirit engaged as he came to stand before her and smooth her matted locks away from her flushed face.

"I love you … want you so badly," he husked thickly, smiling when Meredith opened her eyes, dark and green and hazy with lust.

"Hmm … love you too …," she moaned in response, pinning his throbbing cock between them, her abdomen slick with perspiration, her body hot and ready from the inside out. "Take me … fill me up …," she heaved, moving in response to Derek's firm grasp on her thigh as he pulled her knee up – _their desire for one another compounding with each breath they took in tandem_ – his hot mouth pulsing along the column of her throat and then back up to her ear.

His hips bucked, her command was all it took to bring him out of the clouds and back to the task at hand – _'fill me up'_ – her heady call lingered in his mind, her voice strained, lusty … he flexed his hips and moved his hands down where he palmed her perfectly toned tush and hoisted her up, pushing her against the wall as he did what she so desperately wanted him too –_ he took her, filling her up _– pulsing his manhood into her hot channel, his mouth attached to hers, her sensual essence coating their throats now … tongue against tongue … flesh against flesh … he took her … for she belonged to him.

And so it was, with wild, unhinged passion, he slipped into the flesh of her arousal,_ in, out, in, out,_ his pulses rapid, his heart an inferno – _her calls wild with appreciation as he lengthened inside of her, relishing in the familiarity of her feminine grooves and the way he fit so perfectly there_ – his sack already tightening, the swell of his own orgasm growing exponentially with every pulse of her strong, yet delicate muscles he loved so much … yes, she took him, far and away … blissfully, tenaciously … she claimed him as her own, for he belonged to her.

"I'm close … already, so close," he panted, their eyes locked on one another's now, the world slowly stopping before he dragged his needy mouth to her pulse point, her fingernails pressed into his shoulders where she branded him and held him inside the moment as they worked each other over, _pulse, pulse, flesh against flesh … cock to cervix._

"Derek … deeper … please …," she encouraged then, her muscles contracting, systematically clenching around his perfect cock – _suddenly overpowered by the erotic feeling of being nearly naked while he took her_ – his pants barely down, the friction created from the rough cotton of his shirt, almost too much to bear … almost. "Cum with me …," she ordered breathlessly, arching her back against his chest.

_Wherein she felt him comply, twitching as his warm seeds filled her up now, her mind blank with sensory overload, though somehow able to connect with him one last time before bliss swept her away – yes, they connected … enough to feel the searing intensity of his hold upon her tush as he growled her name, over and over again – pulsing up and into her endless depths while she clenched around him with tenacity … milking him, claiming him, loving him … and cumming around him with an overwhelming sense of belonging and ownership and fortitude._

###

It was much later when Derek was lifted from his euphoric haze – _having showered and made love to Meredith again_ – he was more than sated as he languidly kissed her now, her lips swollen, her tired limbs wrapped around his and his around hers.

And as he cradled her, his mind wandered through the darkness of their space, the simple décor of their suite a distant memory now as his thoughts volleyed between the stock images of Meredith as she stood next to _'happiness'_ at the monument earlier and the later images of her flanked between two new pillars of her own happiness … Claire and Floret, all three of whom were breathless and full of life and fulfilled by their sense of belonging.

Sighing, Derek breathed though his nose, his lips pressed to the crown of her head – _she smelled of sex and soap _– he smiled, watching the carefree way in which she danced her fingertips along his naked chest, shifting beneath her as she lifted her head slightly and pressed a couple of even kisses over his heart, her lips teasing the trillion of his nipple as she did – _he chuckled_ – she jackknifed her knee over his thighs and pulled him closer before fitting her head into the crook of his neck.

He closed his eyes and moved the pads of his fingers up and down along the smooth skin of her back, her breasts flush against his muscular chest –_ up, down, he caressed her spine_ – one hand resting on her tush now, the other on her neck just below her pulse where it gently beat under his touch. Opening his eyes, he pressed his lips to her crown again, his mind wild with potential and longevity as he spoke.

"Meredith," he sighed softly, she shifted and raised her head, resting her chin on top of her hand. She smiled and he found her eyes in the dark. "I really … when we get home, I want to have my mother come out to meet you," he whispered, setting his hand along her flushed cheek. "She'll love you and … I don't know, it's important to me …," he rambled, his heartbeat quicker.

_Meredith sighed, spotting a brief flicker of insecurity move across Derek's handsome face. Tilting her head up, she moved, wrapping one arm around his neck before she came to rest her head on his pillow, hunkering down, settling in so they were nose to nose. She smiled again and stared at him for a second longer before she spoke._

"I don't need convincing," she soothed. "Six months ago … I would have been … a wreck … with anyone else, I would have … I don't even know …," she sighed breathlessly, watching his eyes move over hers, back and forth. He smiled weakly, tears formed in her eyes. "But now, with you …," she blinked hastily, forcing those tears to recede. She sniffled.

"With me…," Derek prompted, pushing his nose against hers, his free hand moving through her wild, blond locks … focusing on her eyes, still so green and clear … and glassy like a still lake.

_She sniffled again, reigning her emotions in, collecting those dreams she didn't even know she wanted … dreams that had come true, fallen into place … just like they were meant to be, and then she smiled – because they were – meant to be, she and Derek. She kissed him then, soft and quick, brushing her tongue against his – dancing with him for a beat as he rolled her beneath her – his body like a fishtail over hers, his sticky lips leaving tiny, wet impressions on her neck and chest as he peppered her with kisses, quickly tugging at her nipples with his lips, resulting in a hot sensation that moved straight to her clit – zing, zing, more, more – her melodic giggle filtering through their dark quarters and up and into the night sky of Bordeaux now … happiness abound._

"With you …," she giggled breathlessly beneath him, her lover pinning her down – _hands above her head where she lay captivated _– her chest heaving as he stared at her from above, her legs wrapped around his trim torso as he eased himself into the apex of her womanhood. "It's your mother, Derek," she whispered softly. "And I love you … and family, for the first time in my life … family is important," she professed, watching his smile broaden and spread along his face.

"It is … and you are … everything, to me …," he sighed, so taken by the light in her eyes that he lost himself for a beat in time.

"So are you to me," she answered, running her fingers along the soft skin of his back, caressing his muscles as he lay his head down over her breast and became heavier in her arms.

Derek breathed, listening to Meredith's heart as darkness consumed him – _her slow rhythm, soft and easy _– the best sound to fall asleep with, her healing hands moving along his back, her long legs wrapped around his waist as he hugged her akin to a pillow. The best, he smiled.

"You know … ," he whispered after another minute. "It might sound archaic, but … you belong to me … with me …," he sighed, once again feeling like everything was aligned.

"We belong to each other … ," Meredith agreed, pressing her lips to the crown of his head. "We're family," she sighed, finally closing her eyes on the day.

"We are," Derek agreed as he held her close.

###

The morning sun rose high in the sky and Meredith lay in bed and watched the shadows move along the walls of their suite – _breathing deeply, she inhaled and turned to watch her lover as he still slept_ – his face relaxed, his dreams still wild as he hugged the fluffy goose down pillow wherein she imagined this was how he slept as a child.

Sighing happily at the thought, her mind drifted to meeting his mother and returning home where they would set in motion upon this new beginning together – _for Seattle Grace had taken on a new meaning to her, for much like her mother, she would be a rising star there_ – and somehow this made her feel more connected to her than at any other time in her life before now. And she supposed Sissy was right, that only a relationship such as hers was with her mother – _would end up culminating in such a powerful way_ – for this was the way it was meant to be, that Ellis Grey's legacy would indeed live on via her once-estranged daughter who would one day find a cure for the dreadful disease that took her life.

Closing her eyes, she rolled to her side, her mind falling on Sissy – _she would call her later today, for she missed her_ – and seeing Claire and Floret together yesterday only served to remind her of the powerful ties between mother and daughter and the strong connection she had with Sissy. Ties and connectivity that she suddenly longed for and as crazy as it sounded … she wanted, one day for herself – _to be that mother to a child_ – the mother she never had.

Unexpected tears slipped beyond her closed eyelids then, stifling her sniffles, she opened her eyes and reached for a tissue … and that's when she saw it, the envelope Claire had given her earlier. Wiping her eyes, she reached for the envelope, looking over her shoulder briefly before she slipped her finger beneath the seal, hoping she wouldn't disturb Derek as she did. Unfolding the contents, she cradled her chin with her free hand as she began to read.

###

_Dear Meredith,_

_I wrote the enclosed poem when I was down by the sea … towards the end. We were there for several days … and it was there that I hatched my plan to escape. _

_So for several days in a row I watched the sun rise and set and on the third morning … the sun surely rose in the sky, but there was a deep marine layer and the sky remained gray all day, meshing with the thin line of that place where the water met the sky._

_And somewhere inside that gray, endless day, I realized I felt more at ease. _

_And as it would turn out, this overcast sky lingered, hovering over the land and sea for days and the idea of time became undefined and only then did I became truly lost and found … more alone with my thoughts … and better able to find clarity … better able to see my way out … and it was within this time … that this poem materialized._

_Later when I found out about you from my mother, she spoke so highly of you, but you must know, she was intensely worried for you as well. Reporting tearfully to me that when she hastily left the States to come home and look for me … she sensed you were as lost as ever, that you were misguided and perhaps lost just as I was. And she felt helpless. _

_But then her tone changed because it would seem that as my story unfolded, so did yours and I realized … as the color of your story changed, so had mine … where perhaps we were both held captive and comforted by the blessed hope of this unseen 'gray area', this passage of time without meaning … some unmarked amount of time, both lost, yet found … in tandem. _

_And when I later learned of this coincidence, I felt more solidified by my time spent within those lost moments._

_And though I am blessed and relieved to be home, I must confess, the journey, I would not forgive … and you must know, I have no strength to explain that to anyone … that this experience somehow fit perfectly into my life … no, I cannot not tell my parents this little known fact, but for some reason, I do believe that you … would understand._

_So, thank you, Meredith, for your selflessness and for your true character … your true colors,_

_Claire_

###

nighttime comes

darkness, so steady

it clouds my vision

it steals me away

morning arrives

light, so bright

it blinds my vision

it whisks me away

afternoon on the horizon

gray, so undefined

it mutes my world

it shrouds and protects me

and so everyday, i wait for the gray

for it is my limbo

my salvation

my true color, for now.

###

_Meredith sighed, Claire's poem becoming blurred for a brief moment before she heard the linens rustle behind her, the bed shimmying as Derek moved flush against her, his naked warmth covering her like a cloak, his sleepy heat radiating from him as he did. _

"Morning," he said gruffly, his lips already attached to his lover's neck, his nose pressed into her flesh; she smelled of sleep and flowers … and _'them'_. "Claire's letter," he sighed with a smile; he kissed her shoulder and drew her near.

"Yeah … do you want to read it?" she asked softly, burrowing deeper into his heat, the spoon of his body, fitting precisely against hers, front to back.

"Okay …," he answered as Meredith rolled in his arms, her eyes glassy with emotion. "Claire … she reminds me of you, you know," he sighed, resting his hand along the smooth angle of her cheek.

"I know," Meredith acknowledged with a soft, knowing smile of her own.

Derek smiled too and tipped his head up wherein she ducked down and kissed him fully _– her lips lingering, pulsing _– heat emanating from her body already … she was waking up and so was he. She pulled back and handed the letters to him. And he smiled and held her inside their moment of connectivity, once again awestruck by what the morning light did to his lover – _the way her soft skin shimmered and the way the morning shadows cast a halo along her crown and shoulders_ – and therein he was reminded of how blessed he was, for she truly was ethereal, his angel … of life and liberty and light and belonging and happiness.

And on that note, he lay back while she settled her head into the crook of his neck where he began to read Claire's letter – _a smile spread across his face as he read on about that endless day when her true color of gray all but materialized_ – sharp knowing tears pricking his own eyes now … because he knew exactly how the young girl felt, for he too found his own true color … and it too, was Grey.

**Chapter 18 – Blush on Lavender Fields – Part 3 of 3 to follow.**

_Author's Note: Should you be so inclined, go to flickr and do a search for "Monument aux Girondins" and you should be presented with many albums to choose from, take a look at the monument and the square, it truly is gorgeous and a lovely spot in Bordeaux; I loved using it as backdrop in this story._


	26. Chapter 18, Blush on Lavender Fields, P3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Sorry for the terrible delay for this story. I don't really have an excuse other than I stopped watched Grey's about a year and a half ago and to say it has been hard to find inspiration for the characters has been difficult. But then, a very smart friend of mine pointed out to me that … this Derek and this Meredith are SO far removed from the show, that they are more original than I have been giving myself credit for … and voila, my inspiration returned!**

**So … please enjoy and by all means, if there are any readers still out there for this story, let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 18 – Blush on Lavender Fields – Part 3 of 3 **

_Meredith inhaled sharply as her heart simmered down, her erotic dreamscape falling away despite the evidence of her arousal that still percolated through her body – her muscles hummed, her clit pulsed, once, twice – 'wow', she chanted, only fragments of her fantasy lingering now._

_The cool air on her skin, the cold earth against her back …_

_Derek's intense eyes, his innermost feelings set within …_

_His needy growls harmonizing with her gasps of pleasure …_

_The birds calling, the howl of the wind …_

_The warmth of his muscles against hers …_

_The intoxicating essence of their sex …_

_The whimsical fragrance of the lavender blossoms that surrounded them …_

_And …_

_Their reflection in the large paneled windows behind them – the one she watched them from – for she was a voyeur and she secretly loved it and although their locale was unknown, she knew in her heart there was one thing for certain: she was uninhibited._

_And so free was she, that she believed they must have been at home – the sea air as it stuck to her nostrils, the Douglas firs suspended above them – and the sky, overcast, gray and limitless told her as much. Yes, they were somewhere on Derek's land, despite the growth of lavender … they were home and yet, perhaps somewhere else entirely, some plane of existence far, far away – though so familiar and attainable that the experience hardly felt like a dream at all – for deep down, Meredith knew it could be and very likely would become … their reality._

_Yes, how true it was, the dream of their relationship (though she often thought to pinch herself awake) – the way they loved one another, full of consumption and unbridled passion – yes, there was nothing quite like Derek's confident touch and the way it lingered upon her skin … this connection that transformed her into a believer of the ideas of true love and soul mates. Those superfluous impressions of her man's that lasted for hours after their lovemaking – even if it was just an erotic dream – as it was this morning. She breathed deeply in attempt to stifle her aftershocks – her body still tingling … her clit still pulsing … her cheeks still heated and she rolled over, jarring herself 'awake'. Reflexively her body chased their connection and her lover's sleepy heat only to find he wasn't there. She was alone._

Her heart raced and she opened her eyes and blinked, the charming villa she and Derek checked into last night coming into focus now as she slowly awoke, her eyes drifted – _the bedroom door was ajar_ – she immediately found him through the French doors where he presently relaxed on the patio where fields upon fields of lavender lay situated below him. She stretched; her body aching for his as she stared at him – _his chin tilted up,_ _the rays of the morning sunlight accentuating the angular planes of his handsome face_ – a small smile etched there too as he reclined on an over-sized chaise lounge.

A smile formed along her face then as she regarded him for a moment longer, her right hand moving to cup her breast, her fingertips toying with the hardened peak of her nipple for a beat before she rolled over again and slipped out of bed – _the need for clothing escaping her, the fire from her dreamscapes still smoldering, the heat of their passion the stirring within her belly_ – radiating throughout the rest of her body while the fragrant, cooler air pricked her skin. And so, with her eyes pinned on her man she navigated through the spacious villa, her feet sinking into the neutral plush carpeting, her fingertips dancing along the smooth wood of the artistic furnishings – _their lines exquisite, dark cherry wood with subtle gold inlays _– works of art by any standard.

She stopped at the French doors, the fragrant air filling her lungs as it breezed through the small opening while she took in her lover's gorgeous physique, his clear blue eyes closed _– his chiseled abdomen warmed from the sun as was the valley en-route to his manhood _– his pajama bottoms slung low around his hips, the very core of his sexual prowess hidden beneath them. She sighed and eyed him like a bird of prey, her desire enough to propel her forward, for her dream had not faded and she wanted him. Her heart beat wildly; she swiftly passed through the open doorway and into the Provençal morning sunshine where she came to stand before her lover.

Derek opened his eyes and smiled broadly at his woman as she stood brazenly before him, his thoughts quickly moving to everything she had dreamed of doing with him inside this private, hilltop courtyard. He watched her shudder – _inhaling sharply as he took in her naked form, her feminine curves, the fantastic swell of her breasts_– the twinkle set deep inside her eyes where he expertly found her desire … so dark were her eyes, they were almost black with lust, though he spotted a hint of mischief too.

"You look so hot right now," he husked, his voice stacked as he pushed himself up.

Meredith snickered. "I _am_ hot," she sassed, cupping her breasts as she brushed her thumbs across the peaks of her rosy nipples, the morning air waking her skin up, gently luring her from sleep. "I was dreaming," she declared thickly moving to stand at the side of the lounge chair.

"You were," he sighed, holding her gaze, dark green pools of lust, so dark he could see his reflection within. "Tell me …," he prompted as he reached up and ran his pointer finger across one of her nipples; she quivered under his touch, her nipple puckered in response, _dark, red, ripe_.

"I'll show you," Meredith held his gaze, his eyes so bright and beautiful; her cheeks heated.

Inhaling, she moved then, raising her leg, she set her foot flat against the cushion of the lounge chair on the other side, resting the interior of her ankle flush against Derek's hip – _her knee open, her pussy on display before him at eye level –_ his eyes darted down; she felt her vaginal muscles contract under his scrutiny… squeeze, pinch, pinch … she leaned down and kissed him fully, her tongue wild against his, her pussy still pulsing with residual need.

_Derek cupped his lover's face in his hands, her sweet sexual essence filling his lungs as he did – she was on fire – so hot, hot to the touch, he decided then as he moved one hand down to her breasts where he cupped her flesh, caressing the dual points of her triangle of nerves where her hips bucked forward and she moaned into his mouth before she pulled back and righted herself, her head lolling back as he pummeled her taut abdomen with kisses. _

"Feel me …," she encouraged, taking his hand in hers as she held his gaze once again. "I … woke up wanting you, so badly," she murmured, moving his fingers across her abdomen, down and through her tiny mound of coarse hair and directly into her soaked folds.

"Hmm …you're soaked," Derek breathed in dismay, her slick sex more abundant than he'd ever remembered. "Your dream …," he queried, his eyes fixed on her beautiful pussy where he applied gentle strokes to her glistening, delicate outer lips … _swirl, swirl – his mouth watered, his cock twitched_ – though he wanted nothing more than to feel her and play with her there. "Tell me …," he said thickly, inhaling her essence as he eased his thumb into her endless depths, pulsing gently … she pitched forward, her hands on his shoulders now.

"I … I'm so wet … I want …," she breathed, her mind gone already as she tenaciously chased her dream. "Derek," she moaned, her dreamscape memories flooding her mind akin to her sexual release.

Reacting then, she relaxed her bent leg and came to straddle her man, taking his face in her hands as she kissed him without abandon, her hot core moving over his pajama clad cock, she rotated her hips – _gasping for air as his hot mouth descended upon her nipples where he suckled her there _– biting, swirling his talented tongue along her pleasure points, volleying between the two peaks over and over. Gasping, she felt her body overheat, her head thrown back for a beat before she tried to regain her composure – _her sex slipping beyond her folds now as she inhaled sharply and found his lips again_ – hungry for the taste of his mouth while she regulated her breathing within his.

Panting, the lovers hesitantly pulled away from one another, chest to breasts, they heaved into their wild heat, the morning sun high above them … the medicinal essence of lavender filling their lungs to capacity – _they breathed in tandem_ – eyes pinned on one another as Meredith snaked her hand between them and found his semi-hard cock where she stroked him, _once, twice_ before her dreamscape memory overtook her again.

"You feel so good," Derek panted, his cock twitching in her fist, their bodies touching, the heated scent of her sex circulating in the air between them – _friction he ached for_ – his hips flexed, his cock twitched again. "What do you want?" he breathed, sucking in a deep breath, his hands on her tush as he pulled her forward.

"The dream …," she smiled, spotting herself inside the reflection of the French doors … her dream was suddenly alive. "I'm so wet …," she breathed, running his sensitive head up and down her soaked opening. "Remember that chapter in … _'The Joy of Sex'_ … remember …," she giggled breathlessly as she thought about the book Derek had given to her once they started making love all the time.

"Yes, hmm … you are… so wet …," he flexed his hips – _his cock still braced in her fist, his capillaries impeded from her grasp_ – his sensitive head breaching her slick folds, his mind swimming with the ideas they had gotten from that bestseller, a tasteful instructional book on the very _'joys'_ of sex. "What do you want to try?" he managed to ask, his heart thumping wildly as he tried to restrain himself.

"To take you …," Meredith murmured, her lips on his where she pulsed, _kiss, kiss._ "Like this," she soothed – _her hand caressing his still semi-hard cock_ – her fingers dancing along his baby soft skin there. Her core stirred. "I want to … I'm wet enough … to feel you get hard inside of me …," she breathed her fantasy, making it a reality.

"You are … ," he agreed, catching her eyes with his where she held his gaze. "Lift up, up," he ordered breathlessly then wherein she did, her lips on his as she leaned forward on her hands.

_Seizing the opportunity – Derek pushed his pajamas down and kicked the garment away – his nimble fingers already stimulating her slick opening as he snaked his hand down and applied gentle, purposeful strokes to her saturated pussy, her vaginal lips warm and inviting, he brushed her clit, gently bringing her closer to her climax._

"Meredith," he whispered, his deep moan garnering her attention as she pulled back and stared at him. "Sit …," he murmured, pulling her ankles toward him so that she was sitting between his legs – _her knees draped over his thighs_ – her feet snug against his hip bones. "Come closer," he husked, the pad of his thumb already massaging her clit, her protective hood almost gone now.

Meredith husked her lover's name as he continued his ministrations, her whole body on fire as she leaned forward and seized his mouth – _her tongue moving in a circular pattern akin to his thumb now_ – his pointer finger slowly slipping up and down and into her core … hot … slick … her muscles grasped his appendage, systematically milking him as her mind went blank and she came hard and fast – _the release of her sex covering his fingers as she rode the waves of her orgasm_ – her whole body on sensory overload as she looked down and watched him lubricate his semi-flaccid rod with her juices.

Mesmerized, she watched him work, using one hand for her and one for himself – _he used her abundant sex to massage them both _– her breathing stacked as a series of shivers ripped up her spine. Coming out of her hypnotic state, she slowly began massaging his cock then too, their hands working in tandem as he gently parted her swollen folds. She relaxed her muscles via his touch and they began to _slowly, slowly_ ease the shorter, softer length of his gorgeous penis into her channel. The lovers sighed heavily in unison then, breathing deeply as Meredith inched herself forward with Derek's help so that her legs were wrapped around the small of his back – _their pelvises finally touching as they connected –_ just like her dream.

"Wow," she murmured, holding his muscle inside of her while she stared at him for a beat. "Good morning," she giggled, her mouth attached to his in an instant.

"Hmm, morning," Derek replied between kisses as she held him inside of her with all of her might; her vaginal muscles gently massaging him to an erection; his cock twitching, lengthening slightly as she did. "Did you feel that?" he wondered as she shifted her hips against his, _pulse, pulse. _

"I did …," she breathed, her hips rotating, his large hands on her tush where he held her in place. She felt his cock expand within her walls, stretching her outer lips. "Oh yes …Derek …," she moaned, her abundant slick sex covering his hardening cock akin to a glove.

"Jesus, Meredith," he husked, his lips moving along a fiery trail from her neck to her breasts, her chest heaved, her hips rotated – _he felt his cock lengthen yet again_ – he pulsed upwards, her sensual walls encasing him as she pressed down, massaging him still. "How… how do you feel …," he prompted, his mind wild as he tried to live up to her dream, _pulse, pulse_ … her muscles stretched, accommodating his new impressive girth.

Meredith sighed, sucking in a deep breath, her mind trying to articulate how she felt – _the friction an indescribable sensation_ – her muscles pulsed again, Derek became harder and longer even still. "Full …," she husked after another second, she felt _'full'_, consumed by his hardening shaft. "I feel full … of you," she sighed, pinning her eyes to his as they continued to move in and around one another … _hot, slick, fuck, fuck_ … tongues dancing, muscles harmonizing.

_Derek's head swam when he heard Meredith's words; a surge of hormones gripping him as he chanted silently, 'full, full', his pelvic pulses matching his voice – his cock twitched, his lover's muscles massaging him relentlessly now in an effort to raise him up – his eyes suddenly pinned on hers as he began to pulse upwards. _

"Hmm … so … hot … so wet," he murmured, snaking his hand down to her pussy where he found her burgeoning clit and stroked her there_, swirl, swirl,_ God she was hot, _'full, full', pulse, pulse._

Meredith closed her eyes and felt herself release, a tiny orgasmic aftershock reverberating throughout her body, her sex trickling beyond her folds now as Derek expertly coaxed her fat little nub – _she lost her mind, her head fell backwards as she moaned_ – his lips on her neck then where he nipped and kissed her flushed skin over and over again. Her mind and heart and core soaring as they continued to make love to one another, his erect cock finally bumping her cervix as he pulsed evenly into her depths.

"You're so hard … so big," Meredith sighed as she opened her eyes, her gateways falling on her reflection in the windows behind them – _her hair wild, her cheeks and chest flushed_ – she looked like a savage … a very satisfied savage. Leaning down she kissed Derek then, soft and quick. "Make love with me … please … so hard … you feel so good," she husked, her eyes never moving away from the love and clarity she found within his.

"So do you … so wet for me," he said thickly, the tip of his tongue massaging hers as he kissed her, tiny pulses, _kiss, kiss, _his wet fingers still massaging her engorged folds as his cock slipped in and out of her endless depths. "Keep dreaming," he murmured with a wicked smile, eliciting a breathless giggle from his girl.

Meredith smiled then, deepening her lover's kiss, rotating her hips now as she began to milk his insatiable cock with her strong muscles and abundant sex – _her essence coating them both as she worked him over – up, down,_ she finally began to move along his length_ up, down_, so hard, harder than she ever remembered. Her clit pulsed, she gyrated her hips, adding gentle pressure against his fingers where she needed it.

"Deeper," she encouraged, her eyes flicking to her reflection briefly – _her breasts swaying with Derek's upward pulses, her cheeks red, her eyes wild with passion_ – he massaged her clit still, she pulsed forward and then wrapped one arm around his neck, holding on as she leaned back on her other.

_Derek bent his knees, cradling Meredith's tush as she leaned back, providing him with a perfect angle to rise up and strike her G-spot with – he watched her look down, smiling to himself for a beat – before he looked too wherein he quickly became hypnotized by their machine, his rock hard cock slipping in and out of her glistening gate, her beautiful lips and muscles stretching around him, massaging him with their brand of friction – God, she was beautiful, wet, slick and warm – his fingers found her folds, the feeling of his penetration reverberating like nothing he'd ever felt before._

_Meredith moaned his name then and her eyes flicked up to his where they stayed while he spread her open, massaging her needy clit while they made steadfast love, slip, slip, up, down, up, down, hot, wet, she perched forward again, her hand joining his, one arm still around his neck as she cupped his damp sack and massaged him there, roll, roll, she teased him, his moans of pleasure joining hers in perfect harmony as they began their spiral into oblivion._

"I want to cum with you," he managed to say, his sack tightening, his eyes fixed on their perfect union.

"Hmm, me too … so close," Meredith whined, her body on fire as she released Derek's sack and lunged forward, her mouth making love with his as he swirled his finger over her clit one last time. "Oh God," she moaned as her pussy began to spasm – _claiming her lover's rod as her own_ – her muscles clenching of their own accord as she came hard and felt him cum too.

"Meredith …," Derek growled as he came, his desperate seeds spraying into her flesh as she too ejaculated _– the essence of their sex immediately twirling into the air_ – thick, pungent, made from their lust and love and massage.

_His cock twitched and her muscles continued to contract as they rode out the waves of their hormonal surges together – perfect sex, beautiful pussy, gorgeous hard cock, plenty of lubrication, an abundance of desire – all told, the ideal combination that only they could create … whether made from dreams or their reality or a little bit of both, it was true, their lovemaking belonged solely to them. _

Meredith cradled Derek in her arms, his softening cock slipping from her tired pussy where she willingly released him, her lips pressed to his shoulder as she found her reflection there again – _who was this woman_ – she wondered for a split second, and then she smiled, her eyes pinned on herself, fully sated and in love, for she was the woman she dreamed she was all along … Derek's lover … his soul mate … his _everything_.

###

_Hours later, the couple walked along the cobblestone streets en-route to just one of the nearby lavender fields the Valensole Plateau, __an area most famous for its cultivation of the medicinal plant. Meredith wrapped her arm around Derek's waist and rested her head on his shoulder as they strolled – the air so rich and thick and fragrant it was like no other place on earth – she sighed and matched the rhythm of her steps with his, her mind swirling with the possibilities of their future – perhaps foretold in her dream – lavender and sex and that vision of a house, a homestead, the one she saw her reflection within. _

_She smiled and let her eyes roam around this small slice of heaven situated along the northern edge of the __Parc Naturel Régional du Verdon__ (__The __Regional__ Park of Verdon, established in 1997)__, a range of earth and ancient stone building facades remodeled with modern conveniences. Everything they needed was right in front of them and within walking distance, despite the somewhat steep traverse of the streets. She smiled and watched many people riding their bikes to and fro, a car every once in a while too. The local people smiled and nodded as they walked by and she and Derek did too, her bag with her camera slung across her shoulders, her short sleeve gray cashmere sweater just enough for the tepid climate. _

_Derek kissed the crown of her head and she tilted her chin up to set her sights on his eyes – he looked radiant – his indigo Henley bringing out the brilliant facets of his clear blue gateways. He winked and she kissed his lips, soft and quick, tiny pulses of energy that belonged solely to them._

_They turned then, making their way down the main street of the small town. Meredith smiled when she spotted an internet café, then a farmer's market, a flower shop, a bistro, the small library – yes, it was so true … everything was so simple and beautiful with the architecture centuries old, plenty of old stone masonry, high steeples, several churches and some children dressed in uniform, playing with gaiety in a schoolyard – their chatter, the sound of youth twirling up and into the fragrant air. _

_Her mind reflexively drifted to Claire then and how wonderful it had been to connect with her and Floret and Jean-Luc, such a lovely and welcome addition to her extended family and therein – her face brightened and her heart soared – for in less than six months, she had found more people to embrace and to love than she had in the entirety of her lifetime before then. And it really was a beautiful thing. _

_And then it struck her again – with a careful balance of happiness and sadness – she realized they would be going home in few days time… though, home, to Meredith suddenly sounded so perfect that she could hardly complain. For she had a life with a man she adored, her connections with Sissy and Charles, a fellowship that awaited her with her beloved professor, Dr. Paschal. So yes, as much as she adored everything about this trip with her lover, she suddenly had their future to look forward to and therein – as the medicinal fragrance of the lavender flowers filled her lungs – she symbolically let herself be healed, once and for all. Exhaling, she really made an effort to put the past behind her, and with that resolute feeling of accomplishment, there was nothing left for her to do than to live out her dreams … those dreams that had seamlessly become their reality. _

_She felt for the pendant on the lariat necklace Derek had given to her, smoothing her fingertips over the pave diamonds, so small, yet so brilliant. A series of beautiful memories billowed through her mind then. She smiled, reminiscing about falling in love as they walked on, holding hands now as they strode up a steep incline, the oldest field of lavender just up ahead and down into the small valley situated at the base of the plateau._

_The wind picked up and was both cool and refreshing as they came to stand at the top of a ridge, an old stone wall there as a barrier – though the view of the endless field was unobstructed and more than breathtaking – for upon this perch on which they stood, the pair could see everything … the land before them … a cluster of old stone buildings far off in the distance … and rows and rows of abundant, dancing lavender, the fragrance so bold, yet subtle all at the same time. _

_Meredith glanced to her left where several painters were perched along the wall, capturing the spectacular view. Pulling her camera free, she thought of Sissy now as she focused through the lens and snapped several photos in rapid succession, click, click, click – the memory was preserved – her dear friend would love this perspective, this moment, yes, the photographer in Sissy would have positively swooned. _

_Pulling the camera away, she turned her attention back to the painters, their oil and acrylic mediums and tender brushstrokes somehow turning life into art, their whimsical depictions very close to her own visual rendering of what her heartfelt feelings might look like as they took her breath away. Yes, their art indeed mimicked life in the way she had instinctively chosen to revere this sustained miracle, for how amazing was it that hundreds of years of cultivation and tenacity lay before them! _

_She pondered this idea of sustainability, somehow connecting the dots between her past, present and future (her dream of a homestead perched upon a lavender-scented hillside on Derek's land). The wind changed directions and she heard Derek inhale sharply as he moved behind her and pressed his lips to her neck where he pulsed against her skin just under her ear, his hot breath breezing across her shoulder cap as it circulated through the tight knit of her sweater. She stared at the horizon for a beat longer before she spoke to him. _

"Hundreds of years Derek," she whispered, leaning into his heat.

"Unbelievable, I know," he agreed softly, drawing her near. "It's intoxicating, isn't it?" he prompted, inhaling sharply … sweet, organic, calming; he breathed and let the essence consume him.

"It is," she mused, her head alighted as she matched her breathing with his, _in, out_ …the thick air funneling into her airway as she turned in his arms where he began to sway with her, almost dancing as they moved.

Derek sighed and pressed his chin atop Meredith's crown, his eyes moving over the landscape as he did. Turning slightly, he met the gaze of one of the painters – _an older woman, perhaps about his mother's age _– her easel situated so he could see a sample of her stunning portrayal of the valley below them. She smiled and he watched her eyes become brighter, faceted. He nodded in assent and she did the same before she turned her attention back to her canvas. Derek watched her for a few long moments, surprised to see her reach for a Polaroid camera.

He watched her snap a photograph before she looked up and caught him watching her. She smiled again motioned for Derek to come forward. He smiled and pulled back from his lover's embrace, winking at her before he set his hand on the small of her back and escorted her toward the painter.

The older woman smiled genuinely and held her hand out. "Bonjour, I am Nicole," she smiled, speaking in perfect English.

"Bonjour," he smiled, finding her deep brown eyes beneath her over-sized sunhat. "Are you American?" he asked of her curiously.

She smiled. "I am, originally from Connecticut," she beamed. "Though I have lived in Valensole for close to three decades already," she sighed, wondering where time had gone.

"This is Meredith and I'm Derek … we're visiting from Seattle," he murmured, slipping his hand into the warmth and experience of hers. She held her other hand out for Meredith, who in turn took it and squeezed. "Your work is lovely," he praised, his eyes moving from her canvas to the Polaroid print and then back again.

"Thank you," she replied softly. "Are you an artist?" she prompted, tilting her head as she regarded the young lovers.

"Oh no … I'm a surgeon and Meredith … well, we're celebrating … she just graduated from medical school," he smiled proudly as he draped his arm around her and squeezed.

"Important work," Nicole murmured with intrigue, a small smile etched along her weathered face.

"I love all forms of art," Meredith sighed wistfully. She smiled. "Bringing beauty into the world is so important … especially when there is so much ugly here too," she smiled genuinely, stepping closer to Nicole's easel.

"You speak the truth," Nicole answered, captivated by the young woman's depths, for she seemed wise beyond her years as if she had been forced to grow up too quickly.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose that is true …," Meredith sighed, finding herself lost within Nicole's whimsical portrait of the valley below.

"It is," Derek agreed, his eyes following Meredith's as he came to stand flush against her back, his hand finding hers as they absorbed the painting – _it was a great work of art _– though he could tell Nicole was hardly finished with it. His eyes dropped to the Polaroid print she had taken just moments ago. He turned to the painter. "You are seeking perfection …," he wondered aloud, pointing to the instant photo.

"No," she smiled, a small giggle escaping her lips. "Quite the contrary … I am a busy woman," she declared. "I teach art to children – _I have my own studio_ – but for myself, I paint for the joy … and I like to remember …," she sighed, tilting her head as she regarded her work.

"I can tell you have," Derek praised.

"Oh, make no mistake," Nicole smiled. "There are a great many layers of paint under this latest rendition," she murmured conspiratorially.

"Really?" Derek queried, tilting his head.

"Hmm … yes, well …my husband … he works in Paris during the week now and I cannot sleep without him …," she sighed, a small smile on her lips. "So you see, I have many long nights, I take a still photograph _every_ time I come to this spot …," she shook her head at her antics. "But I am afraid the magic is sometimes lost, for deep into the night – _the mind's eye becomes a mystery_ – fragmented with fatigue and lost dreams ..,," she smiled, her eyes darting down to her latest attempt, her mind wild with inspiration. "So, I like to use photographs to focus, a mental marker for what I have tried to capture – _what I so desperately wanted to create _– though nothing is quite the same as seeing the landscape as it lives in front of us …," she deemed thoughtfully.

"I suppose not, though I think this is beautiful so far, Nicole," Meredith smiled meeting the artist's gaze – _wondering to herself if she had met her beloved Renoir_ – if he would have had the same spark of magic within his eyes.

"Thank you," she answered with her same smile. "Do you know something?" she said suddenly.

"What is that?" Derek prompted, his fingers moving through Meredith's again.

"Gray, like the color of your sweater, Meredith … and indigo, like yours, Derek – _when combined_ – those two pigments make the most gorgeous lavender … an artist's dream of a color," she smiled. "You make a beautiful couple," she deemed thoughtfully.

Meredith felt her cheeks heat. And then she smiled. "We think so too," she breathed, squeezing Derek's hand.

"You should take leave," Nicole said then, smiling at the young lovers. "In about an hour, the sun will fall perfectly on this field below us here and that one in the far off distance, over there," she pointed to a small mountain range in front of them. "And at that time – _you will see magic right in front of your eyes _– and if you come back up here, I will show you …," she smiled thoughtfully.

"In one hour," Derek breathed, somehow willing to believe in the idea of a magical moment atop this perch.

"Yes," she beamed, her eyes twinkling as though she had revealed her most treasured secret. "Come back … you won't regret it," she smiled, her thoughts a million miles away as she turned back to her painting and picked up her brush, the sun casting a brilliant spotlight on her timeless work of art.

"We'll see you then," Meredith said softly, watching Nicole's brilliant eyes move over her canvas for a beat longer before she and Derek turned to go.

###

_The couple had moved swiftly and on the inside of fifteen minutes, they stood at the base of the small valley, the stone barrier wall high above them with the sun well beyond that. Devoid of tourists, the couple relaxed and stared out and onto the horizon with bated breath at the rows and rows of lavender – the flowery stalks dancing in the wind – the ever-fragrant lavender settling deep into their lungs as they inhaled again and again, for there was something magical about its essence and they found they couldn't possibly get enough. _

_The air was just so rich and invigorating, quite different than the air on his land at home, Derek thought now, so different, but just as raw and organic. And so there they stood motionless, wrapped around each other for a long moment, lost in their own thoughts as the wind howled slightly as it moved across the plain – this land, so vast and cultivated and revered by the farmers who worked here and the townspeople too – yes, there was something whimsical about this place that reminded him of his land and then it struck him … it was peace and clarity. He smiled … it was a perfect balance of gray and indigo and suddenly it felt like he and Meredith 'belonged' here too. _

"Meredith," he whispered into the sweet wind.

"Yeah," she breathed, lacing her fingers through his as she reluctantly turned away from the billowing field.

"Tell me about that courtyard dream …," he mused thoughtfully, pinning his eyes to hers. "Was this morning everything you had been dreaming of since you'd seen the photos of the villa … was it?" he persisted with a hint of desperation.

"It was … and so much more," Meredith sighed, her open mouth pressed to his neck where she pursed her lips over the beat of his pulse.

"Talk to me," he sighed, cradling her in his arms then, the intensity of her emerald eyes confirming to him that there was more to the events of the morning than just an erotic fantasy.

"My dream …," she began with a smile, tilting her chin up, the rays of the sun warming her face as she did. "It was so real … and jumbled, or so I thought," she mused, her mind carrying her away – _far and away back to her dreamscape_ – this vision of their future she could see so easily within her mind's eye. She smiled thoughtfully and found his blue eyes again. "We were on your land, making love outside – _the air was crisp and smelled of sea and salt_ – you know that organic way it smells on the crest like that … you know?" she asked, bringing her hands up to caress her lover's face, watching the intensity of his eyes soften as he listened to her. He pressed his lips together and nodded in assent. "You felt so good … I gushed when you came into me – _you never felt so good_ – we were both so turned on …," she smiled, her cheeks heating, her heart raced. "Hmm … and then … you rolled me over and you were still … _so_ hard and I … wanted _more_ and I closed my eyes and rotated my hips – _pressing you against my pelvis until I came again_ – hard and fast … it was incredible …," she husked, her core on fire now, her clit pulsing with need.

Derek pressed his forehead to hers, forcing her breathe with him. "And then … what happened?" he encouraged, taking control as he backed her up and into a private enclave of sorts – _one made from a large tree_ – concealing them from the keen eyes of the cluster of artists above them, where he pinned her against the trunk and kissed her, soft and quick, his hands cupping her flushed face.

Meredith breathed, her hands moving to the waistband of Derek's jeans, where she tugged on his belt loops, _tug, tug,_ she felt the warmth of his navel against her fingers as she grounded herself. She inhaled sharply and swallowed hard, her panties damp from her quivering nerves, _pulse, pulse._

"I opened my eyes," she husked, staring at her reflection deep within her lover's darkened gateways. "And … I saw myself _– my reflection was suddenly there and I saw __us_ – where I was brazenly mounted on top of you, riding you …," she intimated. "My hair was wild and so were my eyes – _and as I stared at myself, I saw so clearly how in love with you I am_ – and I think …," she paused, taking a deep breath. "Well … I like to think this magical house, with the large revealing windows – _was __ours__, Derek _– it was ours …," she smiled and then she remembered some more. "And then, I collapsed onto you and we held each other, like we do … and then, I remember now, the wind suddenly changed – _and a breeze of thick lavender-infused air tickled my skin, everywhere_ – and then … I … I woke up … soaking wet and stuck somewhere between my dream and our reality here …," she husked, rising on her tip toes where she pressed her lips to his and kissed him – _vowing to never forget that dream_ – or their reality as it was now, with her back pressed against the old tree trunk and her lover's hands massaging her everywhere, holding her tight.

"You were yourself this morning too … hmm … weren't you?" Derek managed to ask against her open mouth – _for the mere image of Meredith cumming almost doing him in, the dream of their future, making love on his land amidst a sea of wild lavender _– he felt his core twist, yearning for more of her already; he pulled away and waited for answer, though he already knew what it would be.

"Yes," she admitted breathlessly as he seduced her with only his eyes now.

"What did you see?" he prompted thickly, drawing her closer, his fists pinned to her hips.

"The dream … coming … true," she husked, her voice hitched as her heart raced.

"Hmm, you're so beautiful when we're connected," he told her then. "I lose my mind every time you cum," he said thickly, his hands moving down to her toned tush where they stayed. "Was it everything you wanted to chase when you first woke up? Was I … everything … enough?" he wondered, his lips meeting hers, the tip of his tongue brushing languidly against there.

"You were sublime …," she muttered into his mouth, swallowing hard to ground herself; she pressed her forehead to his and breathed. "In my dream … _and_ this morning – _especially this morning_ – everything was perfect," she smiled, her heart banging against her chest.

"We should plant some lavender on one of our plains when we get home," he husked suddenly. "We should – _wherever we decide to build_ – we should scatter wild lavender, can you imagine …," he rambled, his mind wild with possibilities as he smoothed her wild hair back and away from her face. She smiled and batted her lashes and then he chuckled. "Of course you can," he teased softly.

"Hmm, yes, I can … and it's a beautiful thing … our future," she sighed as she closed her eyes briefly; small flutters of her dreamscape breezing through her mind as the essence of lavender consumed her.

"You're so beautiful and healthy now," he murmured suddenly as he stared at her. Meredith's eyes popped open and as he held her gaze he became overcome with emotion, realizing once again just how far they had come and how amazing it was to him that she had solidifying dreams for their future. "I can't get over it sometimes," he sighed. "That you … let yourself believe in me … and in us …," he breathed, his heart racing.

"It's because of you, Derek – _the way you wouldn't give up on me_ – the way you let me fall, so gently," she mused as she cradled his skull in her hands. "You changed the trajectory of my life when we met, my downward spiral disappeared – _you lifted me up, alighted me_ – demanded more from me than I ever dreamed was possible … you didn't give up on me … sometimes I can hardly believe it …," she breathed heavily.

"I'm just one of many," he murmured endearingly, cupping her delicate face in his hands. "Remember, you saved me too …," he sighed breathlessly, thinking about all of the darkness in his life before he met the light she was destined to become for him.

"I know, I have Sissy and Charles to thank also _– of course_ – I can't envision a life now without them now … or you … but …," she smiled, pressing her lips to his angular cheek. She pulled back and stared at him for a beat, reaching up, she ran her fingertips along the halo of his hairline.

"But …," he prompted, his eyes vacillating as he tried to assess her. He tilted his head and smiled weakly.

"Don't you think it's hard to believe in all this magic – _I mean, it's __everywhere__ we go_ – it feels like we're surrounded by whims of magic …," she sighed in disbelief.

Derek smiled. "We love each other, this is what it means to be in love the way we are," he mused, tears gathering as he spoke. "And this trip, is just the beginning, I promise …," he prophesized. "Being here with you, it has been the best time in my life, ever … so far," he confessed as he stared at his woman.

The lovers kissed each other then, Meredith lunging forward, unable to stop herself from making sweet love to his mouth, her hopeful conveyance of her feelings alive in every pulse she made against his nerves. Her head swimming, vacillating between her dreams and her reality _– those blushes on her cheeks_ – radiating from the lavender that danced all around them in the fragrant wind.

"Derek?" she prompted softly as pulled back, panting inside their heat.

"Hmm," he sighed, ducking his mouth down to hers to kiss her again, _pulse, pulse, nip, kiss, kiss._

"Do think it will last?" she asked against his lips. "The magic?" she sighed, breathing _in, out,_ her heart on fire with everything she felt.

"I know it will," he said straight away, finding her eyes through her heavy lids, their passionate haze hovering all around them. "I have no doubts that our brand of magic will always follow us …," he responded urgently as he began to make love to her open mouth again, kissing her now with everything he had in him, hardly able to control himself. "Come on," he whispered thickly after another moment, his mouth on hers again, where he gave her soft and tiny kisses meant to ease their heartbeats. "Let's go see this magic show of Nicole's … I have an idea," he murmured softly.

###

"You came back," Nicole breathed with utter joy and happiness as Meredith and Derek appeared around the bend.

"We did," Derek smiled, squeezing Meredith's hand as they approached her.

"Come closer, you're just in time," the artist smiled, urging the couple forward where they came to stand with her. "See now, there – _in the distance_ – the hillside on the far right corner, beyond the vast plateau of Valensole? Focus your attention there … just wait, the rain is starting …," she prompted, pointing a wiry finger off and to the right as she held her breath.

"Oh …," Meredith sighed – _watching as the hillside changed color slightly_ – she blinked, focusing again and therein she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. She smiled in quiet awe as the scene came alive before her.

"Oh wow," Derek murmured, watching the way in which the gray hillside suddenly began to morph into lavender, though for some odd reason, he could see other colors there too. "What is that?" he wondered aloud.

"It's the weather up there, deep into the mountains, it rains almost every afternoon … and when it does, on brilliantly sunny summer days like today, we can see – _the lavender plants pop to life and the tiny flecks of rain, those drops of course, create a rainbow_ – though the hillside is so tall, the rainbow reflects low to the ground from our vantage point up here …," she breathed her secret. "It looks like a watercolor, doesn't it?" she prompted with wonder, the magic of the natural elements always so new and fresh, even now, twenty odd years after having seen the phenomenon for the very first time.

_The lover's agreed, the lavender flowers were indeed a backdrop for a beautiful miracle of a rainbow, shimmering over it like a silkscreen work of art. They turned to Nicole then who already had her eye through the lens of her camera; the image was triggered and began to print. _

"I've tried for years to paint this moment of magic and have yet to get it right," she mused thoughtfully, handing the print to Meredith.

"I suppose one day, you'll capture all you need," Derek murmured softly. "Thank you for pointing this out to us, from our view below – _the rainbow would have been too high in the sky – _the backdrop completely different, had we seen it all … it's so subtle …," he smiled genuinely.

"Yes, it's a well-kept secret amongst locals, thank goodness," Nicole confided with a wry grin.

Derek tilted his head and regarded the woman for a beat before he spoke again. "Tell me … do you ever paint commissioned works of art?" he asked hesitantly, his earlier idea springing to mind as he smiled.

"Over the years, yes – _here and there_ – though I much prefer to paint for myself now, it's more lucrative in the sense that there is no frustration …," she smiled happily. "Why do you ask?" she inquired curiously.

"Hmm, well … it seems, Meredith and I are on a quest to preserve our magical moments," Derek chuckled, meeting his lover's intense gaze as she looked up to him.

"Derek," Meredith giggled, her eyes pinned to his as she watched his lips turn up and into a soft smile, the one he saved just for her. She tilted her head and regarded him, whispering silently, hopefully communicating loud enough for him to hear – _'I love you'_ – she chanted softly, blinking her gathering tears away.

"I love you too," he whispered into her ear, moving his lips over her cheek as he held her close for a long moment, allowing her warm energy to cover him like a blanket. Meredith giggled and Derek cleared his throat and turned to focus on Nicole again. She smiled brilliantly and he felt his cheeks heat.

"You were saying?" she prompted with a look of mischief.

"Well, in this search for magic … I was wondering if maybe you took our picture here, you could paint _your_ magic for us … how you see it – _show us_ _how __you__ see us_ – you have a sharp eye for detail … and a love for this backdrop here and frankly, so do we now …," he mused, feeling his smile reach his eyes.

"It would be a pleasure …," she answered immediately, so drawn was she to this couple's energy, she could not possibly forgo the experience of painting for them. She held out her hand, firmly shaking Derek's as she looked up and into the sky. "Let me take some photos now, before the light changes," she murmured – _her eyes moving back and forth between the young lovers –_ so smitten with one another, their love and longevity for one another, impossible to miss … and she found that she was already excited to try capture _'them'_ on canvas.

_And so as their new friend moved to position Derek and Meredith where she wanted them – Derek held onto his lover and kissed the crown of her head – her warmth encapsulating him as they stood upon this precipice of magic together, wherein the Nicole began to take impressions of their image, her face alighted as she did – the sun perched high in the sky, the rainbow fading behind them, the rows and rows of ancient lavender dancing below them – just like a dream. Smiling, she handed several of the photos to them, each one better than the first._

_And that was where they stood for a long moment, organizing a time to meet Nicole at her art studio the very next day to formally commission their magical moment, which she would paint – undoubtedly during one of her sleepless nights – and later, when the magic was found and recreated, she would send the work of art to them … at home … a magical combination of talent and lavender and land and windows … windows by which they would ultimately see though to watch their collective dreams continue to come true. _

**Chapter 19 to follow.**


	27. Chapter 19, Inside the Limelight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: My apologies for the wait on this, I decided to add this chapter on a whim and it took longer than I hoped. Just one more chapter after this, plus an epilogue. Enjoy and by all means, please tell me what you think!  
**

**Chapter 19 – Inside the Limelight**

_Carolyn Shepherd inhaled a large breath of the fresh, salty air rising off of the expansive Elliott Bay, the picturesque Seattle skyline just beyond that as she smiled into herself while recalling the twisted instinct of her brow when Derek informed her that he was up and moving to Seattle all those months ago. For she was concerned about him and about the climate – the gray overtones to the sky, the damp cold – and she believed it would be no good for someone like him, feeling that it might hamper someone like him, someone looking for ... brighter color in his life. _ _Sighing, she felt the familiar tug of her new smile perch itself along her face, just as it had a day and a half ago, shortly after she had arrived. Her eyes smiling too now as she watched her son with Meredith. Her breathing hitched and she blinked then, once again capturing the pair inside this perpetual image of happiness, shutter after shutter, her mind's eye was suddenly deluge with their symmetric faces – round, happy, flushed – for they reminded her of the way she felt whenever her husband had looked at her … and therein, looking at them was almost like looking into a mirror – a whimsical heirloom to her past – for they were so clearly in love with one another, it was surely meant to be … the stuff of magic. _

_Reflexive tears stung her eyes then as she remembered how she shook her head at Derek's sudden need for change, lightly admonishing herself now as she thought about his drastic measures – for her view had been that __eventually__ he would likely find whatever it was he was looking for in New York – and all the while, she secretly wished that he could see what she so readily did: that he was a good man, so much like his father … and therein so worthy of good, honest love. _ _Because he was – Derek Christopher Shepherd was a boy who had evolved and became a man and a doctor who lived inside a limelight of his own creation – this portrait of an ideal man … one who captivated people and drew them in … especially women. _

_He was handsome; his features strong, even as a boy and eventually he truly grew into his good looks. And he had a softer way about him in contrast to his sisters – something Carolyn had always loved about him – though she ultimately believed this was a result of his father's untimely death, for he was at an impressionable age when his father was taken from them all. He was young and smart and grounded – and his eyes were serious, yet faceted with a certain fleeting mischief that always said so much about his spark of life – and yes … after his father was gone, he remained young and smart, but the foundation on which he stood upon was shaken and therein, the spark seen inside of his gateways was dimmed. _

_And so he remained conflicted, deep within the paradigms of trust and what they meant to him, for Carolyn was well-aware that his image of her marriage to his father was broken, marred by the ugliness of life and over time she watched with sadness as he became lost in the sense of relationships and how to forge them for fear it could all be taken away in a split-second – there one minute, gone the next – all it took was a split-second … and somehow, this became his credo. _

_And thereafter, it remained his greatest challenge, his shortfall – this fear he had of opening up to someone and feeling comfortable in his vulnerability – a challenge that was only compounded as he grew up within the rank and file of the medical community at large … wherein the more notable he became, the more actively he was pursued by women. And he struggled with that – how to find a healthy balance in his life … live, love, trust … and cutting – and as such, it seemed that most of his relationships were ill-fated and eventually he began to focus solely on his career and only then did the spark within his eyes disappear all together. _

_Thinking back now, it was then that Carolyn began to worry about her son and his longevity, for every loss on his table was tantamount to losing himself, so much so that she encouraged him to seek a professional to speak with, perhaps someone impartial with whom he might be able to really talk with. And so he did and ultimately those discussions brought to light the idea of a 'fresh start' – not in the sense of running away – but in a sense of finding and making a more well-rounded life for himself and thereby giving him some clarity … some way to rekindle that magical sparkle set deep within the eyes of the man so mercilessly trapped inside his limelight. _

_And so she became his consummate supporter, after all, she was realist if nothing else and well aware that life wasn't always going to end up the way it was envisioned at one point or another – her husband's early death a testament to that – no, she knew that not everything, for everyone, would be found in one's own backyard. And despite feeling a bit ambivalent and disjointed by Derek's relocation, she believed her son had learned enough about himself to recognize what he needed … although at the time, she would hardly have agreed that forty acres of undeveloped land on the opposite coast, was a wise purchase. _

"_Earth to mom, are you in there somewhere?"_ came her son's cackle as he pulled her away from her reverie.

"Oh, my apologies," Carolyn murmured, her cheeks heating as her eyes swept over the small group of friends … Miranda, Sissy and Charles, Derek with Meredith.

"Where were you?" Derek wondered, holding his mother's intense gaze, his arm draped casually along Meredith's shoulders.

Carolyn chuckled. "Someplace far, far away," she mused, feeling her eyes soften as she stared at the man her son had become.

"Well, we're glad you're back," Meredith declared with a smile.

"Me too," Carolyn confided, wanting nothing more than to bask in the harmonious energy radiating from the young couple –_ Meredith was a light _– she decided then as the young woman held her gaze.

Meredith felt her eyes crinkle around the edges as she looked on at the matriarch, tilting her head while she secretly regarded her for a beat longer – _still quite awestruck by her warm and dazzling persona_ – convinced now that Derek was more like her than perhaps even he realized … warm … compassionate … giving … loving. She sighed inwardly, inhaling a sharp breath of the salty, bay air – _raw, organic, damp _– a small smile forming along her face as she retreated into her lover's abundant heat again.

"We were just discussing dessert," Charles spoke up, his playful eyes bouncing … his secret still safe. "And Derek here was just bragging about your famous rum cake," he chided with a wry grin, watching Carolyn's eyes light up as he did.

"I'm telling you, there's nothing quite like it," Derek quipped with a knowing smile.

"He can be pretty smarmy when he's confident about something, isn't that right, Carolyn?" Sissy ribbed; mischief in her eyes as she glanced at Derek and then back to his mother.

"He can be," Carolyn laughed. "But don't fault him, he's a Shepherd … we can be arrogant," she teased.

Miranda snorted. "Oh, so he doesn't just save this for me in the OR?" she smirked, her dark eyes uncharacteristically playful.

"Hey, now hold on," Derek defended, raising his hand in objection. "I can't help it when I'm right about something, I run with my instincts," he smiled. "Call it arrogance, call it whatever you want … doesn't change the fact that I'm usually right!" he snickered, sparring with his friend.

"But you think you're _always_ right," challenged Miranda incredulously.

Derek scoffed. "About my mother's rum cake, absolutely!" he exclaimed, bating her now.

The players laughed in unison then, their happy eyes bouncing as they sat back and surveyed one another, their bellies full from their lavish brunch consisting of local specialties – _Dungeness crab, fresh local oysters, clams, Pacific Northwest salmon, hand-carved roasts, eggs Benedict, Belgian waffles and sweet crepes – _their meal metabolizing now along with the last of their wine as they contemplated the idea of dessert.

Derek relaxed into Meredith's heat, taking another small sip of his wine – _the burgundy elixir, woodsy and sweet funneled down his throat _– he watched Charles set his empty glass upon the table before he stood and leaned down, his hand upon the back of Sissy's neck as he whispered something to her, her full lips turning up and into a smile as she found his eyes. She snorted, shaking her head at his antics before he made a swift departure.

Sitting back, Derek watched him go; his thoughts drifting to his father _– briefly feeling his absence _– a jolt of sadness consuming him over what was lost … time, companionship, longevity. He smiled weakly then and caught Sissy watching him. She tilted her head as if to ask if he was all right; he nodded in assent – _he was fine _– everything was okay.

Meredith laced her fingers through his then, tightening her hold on his hand; he pressed his lips to the crown of her head, his eyes turning to meet Miranda's gaze, a smile spreading along his face as he tipped his wine glass toward her – _his silent offering of a truce_ – a gesture to which she chuckled … their sparring match over, for now.

Miranda snickered and swallowed the balance of her wine. "I've got your number, Shepherd," she warned playfully. Derek smirked in return. "_And_ your back," she nodded in assent.

"Likewise," Derek replied in kind, pressing his lips into a thin line; a small satisfied smile there too as he turned his attention back to his mother. "So … dessert, what's your pleasure?" he queried, passing a small menu placard to her.

Carolyn smiled at her son. "Oh, we've already taken care of that," she announced with a grin, after all, dessert in the Shepherd house was always something special … reserved for noteworthy occasions.

Derek smiled broadly. "Oh, really …," he chuckled, waiting for that familiar hint of mischief and intrigue to encapsulate his mother's all-seeing gateways.

"Yes and well, it was rather opportune wasn't it Meredith?" she prompted with a secret smile and right there, just like that, she invited the young woman into their family.

Derek's eyes grew wide as they swept over the small group of players before he cast a sidelong glance at his mother and then moved on to Meredith – _wherein a unruly giggle escaped from his lover's lips as she grinned at his mother, their secret safe for now_ – her aura illuminated as he ducked down to meet her eye to eye … her cheeks flushed with excitement.

"Co-conspirators already, hmm …," Sissy chided knowingly. "I don't know, Derek, sounds to me like you're going to have your hands full here," she teased, pushing the short hairs of her bob behind her ears; her eyes darting between the mischief-makers.

"I think you're on to something, Sissy … unless you … _you_ … know something, don't you?" Derek ventured, his eyes still pinned on Meredith's as a course of energy swept through his mind, body and spirit … his thoughts wild with the implications of his mother's budding relationship with his woman.

_Meredith interjected with a soft knowing giggle; her heart beating faster at the thought of surprising Derek; she leaned forward and pressed her lips to the angular plane of his cheek. _

"She knows something, hmm?" he teased, pulling back to find his lover. She smiled and shook her head, unwilling to give anything away. "So … what's my surprise?" he winked, turning his attention back to the pair of older women.

Carolyn smiled and leaned forward. "Your most favorite rum cake," she smirked, her eyes surely bouncing. Sissy giggled.

"Your … _my_ rum cake … _homemade_ …," he sparred, a wide grin on his face now.

"The one and only," she smiled with satisfaction.

"Seriously?" he asked, his curiosity piqued, his eyes growing wide with disbelief as Charles sauntered up to the table carrying a cake, their waitress following close behind with a stack of dessert plates.

"I'll be right back with that ice cream," she announced as she set the plates down on the table.

"Thank you," Charles replied with a smile.

His happiness more than evident as he set the cake down in front of Derek who felt a genuine smile tug upon his lips, his eyes meeting his mother's before he looked at the cake again – _a Bundt style delicacy, flawlessly molded with the top, perfectly browned, richly saturated with dark, decadent rum _– he leaned forward and inhaled then, allowing the sweeter memories of his childhood to overtake him for a beat where he paused just long enough to savor this moment in time.

And as he did, he realized, with Meredith's warm hand on the small of his back – _that he somehow managed to find and keep everything he ever wanted_ – her soothing touch, just another reminder of how far they had come, both together and apart from one another as he relaxed into her heat and regarded his mother who looked on at him with a satisfied smile set upon her round, happy face.

"You can thank that last-minute surgery you took on yesterday for this … and of course Meredith's quick thinking," Carolyn said pointedly, her eyes sparkling as she looked on at her son and his lover.

"Oh, do tell," Derek smiled in return, his eyes moving from his mother's to Meredith's; he watched her cheeks heat.

_Meredith felt her cheeks heat as she smiled, so smitten with her lover now that she could hardly remember a time when she didn't love him or wish for his happiness. She tilted her head and regarded him for a beat longer before she heard Sissy's voice. _

"So cool and calm under pressure, isn't she, Charles? Carolyn?" she smirked. "Aside from the blushing, one might not have known she orchestrated the entire surprise herself," she ribbed, refusing to let up.

"Really now? Keeping secrets from me already?" Derek teased, turning into Meredith where he felt a radiant smile set upon his face … her cheeks pink, her eyes bright and full of life.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "No secrets, remember?" she queried softly. "Surprises are okay though … you like surprises …," she deemed, though her heart beat into her ears.

"I do," Derek agreed, quite transfixed by his woman now.

'_This was so domestic' – Meredith's wayward thoughts began again … her mindset, so atypical now as she suddenly reacted to this 'anti-Meredith', this woman she had become – so giddy and in love – her heart shook; she reached up, she set her hand along his cheek. _

"I like surprising you," she confessed softly after another second as she held his gaze, unwilling to look away.

"And I _really_ love surprises from you … and your tenacity…," he mused, raising his brow, his tone husky.

"Hmm, especially when it comes to you," Meredith intimated, unable to look away from the sheer happiness she spotted within his gateways. "And it was easy really … one thing led to another," she smiled softly in recollection. "I … um, yesterday, you know we had lunch with Sissy … and I asked your mom what your favorite foods were when you were growing up …," she smiled and Derek did too. "And of course, her rum cake was at the top of the list," she giggled breathlessly, catching Carolyn's eyes with hers.

Derek nodded. "It sure was … always just perfect …," he sighed, his mind wrapped around his childhood, birthday celebrations, graduation and other family get-togethers.

"Kind of like your timing," Carolyn interjected, her knowing smile still etched upon her face. "For it was about that time when Meredith had her stroke of genius … the rain had started coming down in sheets and we wondered for a brief moment how we might use our extra time together –"

"And I suggested baking …," Meredith sighed with a large smile. "Your favorite," she added, her breathing hitched, her heart racing.

"And the rest is history …," Derek sighed happily, his eyes resting on his mother's for a beat before he turned back to Meredith. "Thank you … for the great idea …," he said sincerely as he pressed his lips to her heated cheek.

"Welcome," she smiled, leaning into his tender kiss.

_Sissy cleared her throat and the lover's looked up to find her. She smiled along with Charles and the serious Dr. Bailey, watching Carolyn look on with whimsical grin – one Sissy was sure she saved for special occasions – her erudite eyes moving slowly along the small group once again before she laughed and turned back to Sissy, who smiled in kind._

"You know, I sure hope this cake lives up to your expectations," Carolyn commented with a wry grin.

The career librarian chortled. "Are you kidding?" she scoffed playfully, her trademark smirk set upon her face. "I have no doubt it will …it took everything I had not to cut into that thing of perfection – _all night, it taunted me_ – I mean it … do you have any idea how delicious my house smells right now?" she cackled like the devil inside of her.

"Hmm, I do," Derek chuckled.

###

_Carolyn took the last bite of her second sliver of cake, her eyes transfixed on her son as he enjoyed his childhood favorite wherein he suddenly reminded her so much of the boy she once knew … young, carefree … unscathed by the ugly of life. She savored the sweet cake and inhaled the aromatic tawny port, the delicacy wafting up and into the sea air as it rotated in her glass; she cleared her throat and raised the delicate goblet, clearing her throat as she did. _

"If there are no objections, I'd like to propose a toast," she smiled as she gathered her thoughts, her eyes meeting Derek's wherein she found her inspiration and turned her attention to Meredith. She smiled and watched the young woman's cheeks heat as she sat comfortably ensconced inside her son's casual embrace. "Meredith, dear … after spending only one day with you, I've decided something …," she sighed, a sincere smile setting along her face as she tilted her head. "You're like … photosynthesis …," she declared softly, a wry grin forming on her face. "I … you know, I had always planned to come out here and check on my son, I figured, I'd give him six months – _he would be on the verge of taking on the Chief of Surgery position_ – and I would come and do my own assessment …," she smiled, her eyes pinned to Derek's for a beat before she turned back to Meredith. She sighed. "But in all those times when I pictured how this visit might go, it was never like this – _for never had I pictured a woman in his life with a light source quite like yours _– or someone with whom he would have such a bonded and sublime relationship with …," she beamed, her eyes tearing up as she looked upon the small group of doting friends. Exhaling, she grounded herself then before turning back to her glassy-eyed son and his breathless girlfriend. She raised her glass a half an inch higher and the small group joined her. "Now on to my toast," she smiled graciously. "To you, Meredith and to you Derek … and to this dramatic light you shine upon one another, along with the synergy therein – _it's a blessing to us all_ - and well, in my estimation, it could only be described as something mutually dependent … the natural order of things … the stuff survival is made from …," she beamed, still quite breathless at the pair of them as they held her intense gaze.

"It's true," Derek murmured, turning to Meredith briefly, _'I love you'_, he said without words to which she smiled and intimated the same as her whole face brightened, something he used to believe only _he_ noticed.

Carolyn smiled. "You radiate upon one another and it's heartwarming and … Derek, suffice to say, you remind so much of your father … and the way he used to look at me – _illuminating me from the inside out _– he had this way of leaving me quite breathless …," she reminisced, raising her glass yet again – _her joyful eyes bouncing between the lovers before she took a sip_ – the sweet wine, a perfect accompaniment to the loveliness that life could bring.

Meredith took a long sip of her port – _the sweet amber wine, coating her throat as her cheeks turned pink, a swirl of giddy heat consuming her as she savored the moment –_ smiling now, she cleared her throat. All eyes reflexively landed on her then as she shifted closer to Carolyn and set her slender hand upon the wise woman's forearm, her thoughts swaying under the influence of the wine and Carolyn's speech as she smiled and began to speak.

"I want you to know … you're right," Meredith smiled, meeting the depths of the older woman's eyes. "My light and the colorful way in which you see me – _it did originate with Derek _– although now I agree, it resides between us as well," she smiled; her eyes filled with tears. She blinked them away. "I don't know how to explain what's happened to me since we met …," she exhaled and then smiled. "Except to say … that maybe … I don't think I was ever my true self … or my whole self until he became part of my life," she sighed, holding Carolyn's gaze; relaxing into Derek's heat, his warm hand on low on her back –_ always there _– just where he was mean to be.

"Well, that's what finding the right person does … everything just clicks – _in a corny, meant-to-be kind of way_ – it's unbelievable isn't it?" Carolyn pondered with a knowing smile.

"It is … we've been blessed," Meredith murmured, her heart racing at the simple truth of their relationship and how wonderful it really was.

"We are …," Derek smiled, drawing Meredith near.

Meredith exhaled sharply and laced her fingers through Derek's as she turned to Sissy briefly, who simply nodded in assent, a small confident smile gracing her round face.

"Carolyn," Meredith smiled as she turned back to her. "I know that you're aware of our history – _my history and how things were for me when we met_ – and how we met … and …," she breathed, her broken voice trailing off … she sighed. "You must know, of course you know … how remarkable Derek is …," she breathed, her voice hitched. "But maybe what you don't know is that he saved me … and I – _even though he always says I saved him too _– I don't think I truly could see that maybe I _did_ … until just now …," she smiled, her mind wild as she tried to maintain her composure.

"You've both grown, it seems," Miranda interjected, smiling broadly at all that Derek Shepherd had become in the last few months.

"We have …," Derek agreed, taking the last sip of his port. He set his goblet down on the table and smiled.

"Although …," Sissy interjected. "We can't forget about your powers of persuasion … and the relentless way in which you pursued the young Meredith Grey …," she teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she bated Derek.

"Mastering persuasion tactics comes with growth and maturity … didn't anyone ever tell you that?" Derek sassed, his brow raised in challenge.

A throaty giggled escaped from Meredith's mouth as she watched the banter as if it were a tennis match. She cleared her throat and turned to Carolyn. "Persuasion aside … I'd have to say – _it was clearly impossible for me to not fall for him _– he's a good man," she sighed wistfully with her same smile. She turned to Derek.

"He is," Carolyn agreed. "And he can be a charmer, especially when he wants something," she ribbed, her eyes bouncing between the lovers once again.

"He is," Meredith giggled as she stared at her lover, this man who tipped her world to the side when they met.

"Ah, you love it," he quipped, pulling her near.

"I do …," she cooed as she peeked up to him before she sighed and turned back to Carolyn. "I am … charmed … and _changed_ from his goodness … and most of the time I feel like a painting that's come to life," she declared softly with a smile, her eyes meeting Sissy's for a beat. "And I think … he's changed too … I mean, he's happy … invigorated …," she smiled, turning to Derek again. "You're so happy," she giggled breathlessly as she spotted the luminous flecks of brilliance he held within his gateways, those flecks of magic she thought only _she_ could see.

"I am … so happy … so changed by you," he agreed, his voice laden with unearthed emotion, his eyes wide open as he stared in wonderment at the woman he loved with his mother looking on at them with acceptance. "Persuading you …really _was_ the smartest instinct I've ever followed," he whispered for her ears only. "I mean it," he husked; completely breathless by all that she did to him … over and over again.

_And so in that moment, Derek found himself once again allowing the movement of time to come to a halt, tilting his head as he often did while he regarded his lover, noticing how her natural palate truly had migrated from the gray scale of the life she lived before they met to something else entirely_ – _his mind reflexively landing on a stock image of Sissy's photograph, 'Renoir's Muse', the painting that had indeed came to life – for it was true, the 'art' of the matter did indeed reflect their hearts … and yes, their adoration was captured deep inside the still-life_ _… for __all__ to see … and for __all__ time._

###

The afternoon fog began to roll in as Derek drove off the ferry dock, smiling at the frame of his mother in the rearview mirror, he watched her take in the vast countryside _– the Douglas firs dancing high above them_ – the bright overcast skies providing the perfect limelight as a backdrop for those lasting first impressions. He peeked at Meredith and then back to the pastoral road, breathing easy as he made to turn onto the makeshift road at the boundary of his land, the gravel popping under the tires as he did; he slowed his speed.

"This is remarkable," Carolyn commented, quite blown away by how whisked away she actually felt.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Derek beamed, stealing a glance at Meredith who turned to him and smiled. He sighed with satisfaction and let go of the wheel to take her hand in his.

Meredith squeezed his hand … warm, familiar and always perfect fit. "It's really something, Carolyn," she agreed, her eyes moving over the landscape … dark green, woodsy, private … _theirs_. She sighed happily. "I remember the first time you brought me out here …," she breathed; tears stung her eyes, she looked through her window, _'just breathe', _she reminded herself.

_In, out, in, out … she breathed now as she felt Derek's eyes upon her, she breathed, concentrating until her heart stilled, beating slowly into her ears – her internal rhythm coming to almost a halt as she pondered it – that spring day in Sissy's garden … the day Derek had appealed to her … and thereby changed their lives. _

"You okay?" Derek queried in an attempt to draw Meredith from her thoughts, for he could read her like a book.

Meredith turned her head and smiled, unable to hide her glassy eyes from her astute lover. "I'm … perfect," she breathed; her cheeks pink as Derek rounded the bend, the trailer in plain sight now.

"Derek," Carolyn smiled. "I'd never thought I'd see it," she chuckled as they pulled up along side her son's treasured Gulfstream …silver and sleek, even under the dark, woodsy overhang. She smiled into the rearview.

"It's small … but homey," he replied as he cut the engine off.

"I love it," Meredith interjected, a small smile playing on her lips, her eyes pinned to their enclave. She opened her door; a gentle breeze of fresh, heavy air met her face … _'we're home'_ was her only coherent thought.

Derek opened the car door for his mother and held his hand out to help her, his smile as wide as hers as he did. "So … the trailer … it'll take us less than five seconds to show you …," he chuckled, making eye contact with Meredith. She giggled. "But … if you're up for a short walk, we'd like to show you around …," he requested, his mind moving over some of his favorite spots, one in particular.

"That sounds lovely," Carolyn answered softly, unable to stop a large smile from spreading across her face.

"Terrific," Derek beamed. "Warm enough?" he pondered, feeling the damp, cool air infiltrate through the tight knit of his jacket and sweater.

"I think I'll be all right," Carolyn answered with a smile.

"Okay, I'm just going to grab a couple things and then we can go," he answered. "Can I get anything for you?" he asked, his eyes moving to Meredith's.

She smiled, her eyes set upon the twinkle set inside of his; she tilted her head and regarded him for a beat longer before she spoke. "Hmm … no, I'm all set," she mused as she fished her handy wool cap from her pocket and pulled it on.

"Cute," he chuckled, because she was. "Be right back," he smirked before he turned and hurried up the makeshift porch.

Meredith watched him go before she turned around and came to stand next to Carolyn who had her neck craned back, her experienced eyes crinkled around the edges as she peeked up and into the trees overhead – _lush, dark, green, protective_ – the bright overcast sky beyond that. She watched Carolyn sigh, a small smile setting along her face as she stared up and into contrast of light and dark with quiet awe – _and in that moment Meredith knew where her head was_ – for this place was something to behold, something made from magic. It was humbling if nothing else, prompting those who stood beneath its canopy to feel absolutely dwarfed by the sheer presence and perseverance of the aged forest of trees.

"I never thought it would be like this," Carolyn murmured after another quiet moment.

"Me either," Meredith answered with a small smile as Carolyn righted herself.

Derek opened the door and closed it behind him, his small _'gift'_ in his left pocket, the thick manila envelope in his right as the cool damp air of his homeland already settling in his lungs. He inhaled sharply and smiled as Meredith turned around, her eyes sparkling against the filtered light. "Shall we?" he prompted as he approached.

His mother turned around. "Are all forty acres as beautiful as this?" she asked with a wry grin.

He smiled at his mother's inquiry. "Well … yes actually," he chuckled as he took Meredith's hand in his and squeezed. "Come, down this way, I want to show you something special," he mused as he led the way.

_The trio walked in a comfortable silence then, each lost within their own thoughts – the earth crackling under the quiet march of their collective footsteps – down, down, down they went, following the familiar terrain of a pathway Derek and Meredith had taken a dozen or so times since they first stumbled upon it en-route to the clearing, their cherished ridge._

"You should see the sunrise over water here, just beyond the clearing," Meredith murmured as they bypassed the lake on the right.

"I bet it's something to wake up to," Carolyn agreed, her eyes skimming the surface of the still lake … _sleek, dark, deep._

Derek slipped his free hand into his pocket and ran his fingertips along the defined edges of the small, square envelope; he smiled and pointed, down and to the right. "We're headed right down there," he directed, shifting their course slightly.

Carolyn followed Derek's directive, her eyes scanning the vast landscape in before them as she did, her curiosity evident now, for all she could see was a _'wall'_ made of trees – _towers of longevity looming in the distance_ – a dense, overgrown forest at their roots. She smiled tightly and pressed on, the sea air filling her lungs as she breathed, forcing herself to slow down and enjoy the moment. She glanced at the couple, their sights set on the same pathway, the same destination … perfectly aligned.

_They walked on for a while; their collective eyes and ears open to the symphony that surrounded them – this eclectic rhythm moving of its own volition – it was life, pure and simple and harmonious, each player working optimally: the wildlife, the forest floor, the wind and trees above and the rush of the water as it sustained them all. _

Meredith squeezed Derek's hand as they approached the foot of the dense forest, her eyes adjusting to the darker conditions before she spotted with ease the small narrow passageway they often used to walk through to the other side.

"We're heading through here," Derek said to his mother as they approached. "Do you see that tiny path?" he pointed.

"I do," she smiled, noticing a small triangle of light illuminating the passageway from the other side. "It's misleading," she mused thoughtfully then. "The trees seem much greater in number from afar, almost like a retaining wall," she commented as she followed her son's lead – _stepping under the dense canopy_ – the earth suddenly more forgiving with the countless years of fallen leaves beneath her feet now.

Meredith's eyes were transfixed on the ground, carefully choosing her every step as they navigated through the small cluster of trees. Sighing, she smiled with satisfaction now as the shadows from the overcast skies above began to dance along the forest floor wherein she became temporarily lulled by the small private enclave – _the looming tree limbs, swaying and creaking against the wind, the hectic world a far off place now_ – she squeezed Derek's hand and filled her lungs with the dewy freshness that somehow belonged to this place alone.

Carolyn held Derek's hand as he led her through the last bit of tapered space; shielding her eyes as she emerged – _a vast plain in front of her now, green, lush and overgrown, though naturally hedged by the elements – _her eyes fixed as she stepped further out wherein she realized for the first time where she was … an abrupt drop off in front of her. An immaculate ridge – _a natural axis point of where the sky met the earth_ – she was instantly breathless and no … it wasn't the altitude that had made her so, rather, it was the land and its untapped possibilities.

She stilled her heart and stood motionless for a moment longer before she released Derek's hand and walked out without looking back, for so drawn was she to the land that she couldn't have explained how compelled she felt to – _move, explore, breathe, live, go, do … be_ – it was simply inspiring.

"It's gorgeous out here," she breathed, her eyes searching the landscape, the tiny town below, visible now – _the lights twinkled, the cars moved, the people lived _– but to her it felt like time had stopped.

"It is," Meredith agreed, taking in the ever-changing landscape, the sea of dandelions having thinned in favor of the accented scattering of baby's breath … their stems swaying in the wind, the delicate white flowers bending, dancing … and oh, so beautiful.

Derek hung back for a beat, watching his mother and his lover walk out and along the now familiar ridge, a reflective smile forming on his face as he inhaled the fresh, fragrant air – _salt, sea, earth and wind_ – he truly felt at home up here, and with that thought in mind he fished the manila envelope along with the small packet of seeds from his pockets and made his way to catch up.

"What do you think of planting some lavender here, and there …along there," he murmured to Meredith while he pointed his finger along the edge of the drop off.

She smiled broadly; her cheeks flushed as she turned to find him. He smiled brightly and handed the small packet of seeds to her wherein her heart skipped a beat as she read the label – _'__Lavendula Dentata, French Lavender' _– a giggle escaped her lips; she promptly rested her eyes on Derek's.

"Imagine how the ridge will look in full bloom, the dandelions along the hillside, bordered by lavender," he mused with a soft smile as he stared at her.

"Your own slice of Provence," Carolyn smiled, recalling how lost she became when she poured over the young couple's photographs from their trip to France.

"It would be perfect," Meredith beamed, caught somewhere within Derek's radiant energy as she stared back at her lover with steady eyes.

"Well, I'm glad you think so … because I have a contractor coming out here next week to do a site survey," Derek smirked.

"Really?" she giggled breathlessly.

"Yeah," he smiled. "And I know … I know we'll be busy at the hospital," he sighed, his hands moving to her shoulders. "But … we could have a house – _right where we're standing _– in five to six months …," he estimated aloud, his thoughts soaring into the future.

Meredith smiled weakly as she found herself quite breathless over her own thoughts – _a house, a home, a life she loved_ – with a man she adored. She sucked in a deep breath while she tried to calm her trumpeting heart. "Five months … Derek … in six months …," she exhaled, pushing the trapped air from lungs … _'out, out, breathe, breathe'._

_Her mild wild with the varied twists and turns of her fate – her heart simmering briefly as it rallied with the passage of time and all that had happened – for in six months time, it would be one year since she met Derek. One year … her mind lingering on one coherent thought: one year was all it took. _

_One split-second …_

_One good deed to help a friend in need …_

_One empty study room to sleep in … _

_One fall from the highest step on a ladder …_

_One good friend who cared … _

_One good, thorough doctor …_

_One day to avoid … _

_One week to recuperate and move on …_

_One month to move … in … and fall in love … _

_It would be a year of firsts, one that she realized now would end in the complete opposite of its beginning. She swallowed hard, her eyes vacillating as she became lost in Derek before she blinked – fighting the urge to shed those waiting tears – the cold air of little help as they fell along her flushed cheeks wherein she looked away from her lover and his scrutiny._

"It's a lovely spot for a homestead," remarked Carolyn as she turned away from the horizon to find the young couple. "You'll do well here in the summer too, the afternoon sun will rest behind the house," she mused thoughtfully. "Were you two thinking … a big place?" she dared herself to ask, unable to stop a smile from spreading along her face … her hopeful tone ringing into her ears.

"Oh, well," Derek chuckled, making a sidelong glance at Meredith. "Big enough to grow into, I guess," he mused thoughtfully with a wry grin. "And … I think you're right about the sun," he sighed, his keen eyes reading his lover akin to a book. He smiled weakly and tilted his head, watching Meredith's face twist as she fought to blink away her tears.

_At a loss for words, Meredith squeezed Derek's hand in an effort to reassure him before she turned slightly and averted her eyes again. Unearthed tears clouded her vision; she blinked rapidly to push them away and tilted her head up to find her lover. _

Swallowing hard, she tried to regain her composure as she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, soft and quick, she pulsed, _press, press._ Sniffling, she pulled back. "I need a minute," she murmured, a weak smile spread along her face.

_Derek nodded in assent and Meredith stepped away, walking toward the ridge, her mind swirling with the implications of their timing and the way it had always seemed so … perfect … the proverbial other shoe having never fallen … though as old habits were known to diehard, it was true, she still waited for it sometimes. _

"Is Meredith all right, son?" Carolyn queried while they watched her walk off.

"Yeah … she is – _but I think I know where her head is_ – will you excuse me for a second?" he prompted, his eyes moving over his lover's retreating frame, already lost by the way the wind moved through her long blond locks … _wild, unruly, natural._

"Of course, dear," she answered, watching her son's eyes follow Meredith as she drifted away until he turned back around.

"Are you cold?" he asked softly then, his eyes moving back to Meredith briefly.

"No, you know what … I'm going to just take a careful walk, down and around that bend there," Carolyn pointed swiftly in the opposite direction.

"Okay, we'll catch up with you …," he replied, halfway turned around already. "Be careful," he called after her before he righted his course and set his sights on his woman.

_He was upon her in less than a minute, the cool air filling his lungs as he set his warm hand upon her trim shoulder, relaxing only when he felt her do the same. The wind changed directions and cut across the plain beneath their feet; Meredith moved closer to his heat. The trees rustled behind them, the spell was broken and Meredith turned to find him. _

It's nice," she breathed as she found his eyes. "Having your mom here," she murmured, adding a soft smile.

"It is …," he agreed, drawing her near as he set his hands upon her hips.

"She and Sissy, they're going to be trouble," she warned playfully, her eyes pinned to his now.

Derek chuckled. "I know, I can't help but think what it would be like if my dad were alive," he sighed, wishful thinking getting away from him once again, _'if only … if … only'._

"Yeah …," Meredith whispered into the wind, tilting her chin up, she kissed the underside of his neck, setting her lips upon his pulse point as she breathed him in … _earth, wind, salt, water_ … perfectly balanced, perfectly familiar. "I'm okay," she declared, moving her mouth up to his ear. "I'm okay," she insisted.

"It's just the timing, I know," he surmised with an understanding smile. "What a year it's been so far," he mused, flanking his hands upon her skull, holding her steady while he assessed her.

"I just … don't want to forget – _even though everything is just so wonderful_ – I don't want to forget how … dark everything used to be," she sighed.

"I know," he encouraged, still holding her inside the moment. He watched her eyes dart away with avoidance. "Don't do that," he pleaded, stepping closer to cup her face, he tilted her chin up.

Meredith promptly turned her attention back to him. "I'll try not to," she murmured as she stared into his faceted eyes, never wavering, never faltering now as he looked upon her.

"We won't forget … we won't," he insisted. "But that doesn't change how things have ended up _– how our thing together works for us_ – so perfectly balanced … not dark, yet not in the center of the limelight either …," he mused, watching a twinkle form inside of her eyes.

"Just on the outskirts of it …," she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck, the heat from his body warming hers all over.

"Like Claire described, remember? The vast gray area … beautiful and safe …," he mused, pressing his forehead against hers where they balanced one another … breathing in tandem … once again aligned.

"She's so smart," Meredith beamed; tears of joy pricked her eyes. "Kiss me," she breathed, stepping into his space.

_And so he did, because voicing her wish was the only thing she could say and gratifying her was the only thing he wanted to do – so, yes, he kissed her, skillfully smoothing away all of the wrinkles and the darkness of the past – those lonely corners of her childhood, those missed opportunities with her mother and father … and those brief, yet life-changing months of homelessness. _

_Those miseries no matter how large or small, surely falling away now as he moved his mouth over hers… back and away they went, slipping into the dark recesses of her mind, for now, because for the moment – everything was somehow perfect – with just the right amount of bright colors and surges of hope … all mixed together with this thing called their future. _

"Feeling better?" Derek husked as he barely pulled away from her supple lips, tenaciously holding her inside the moment for a beat longer.

"Much," she answered firmly, a smile reaching her eyes again as she took his hand and they began to move together.

_Walking, time began to move again with them, their pace slow and deliberate as Derek took his lover's hand in his and set his mind free – adrift now with ideas for the future – where that glorious limelight he'd lived within for so long was suddenly muted … gray … clean … clear … and private, predictable and desirable and somehow everything he ever wanted and more. _

"Derek …," Meredith breathed after another minute, her eyes pinned on Carolyn's form as she stood perched along the ridge of the mountain where they would build their home.

"Hmm …," he hummed, looking to find her, a small, steady smile set along his handsome face.

"How big of a house were you thinking?" she asked with a small, persistent smile of her own. "What does _'big enough to grow into'_ actually mean?" she smirked.

"Oh now, I wouldn't want to spook you with those specifics …," he teased, bumping her hip with his, a low cackle escaping from his lips.

"No … really, I'm serious," Meredith breathed as she stopped, pulling on his hand. Derek chuckled; she felt her cheeks heat. "How many bedrooms …," she asked with a wry grin.

"Lets start with five bedrooms, plus ours … ," he sassed, waiting for her eyes to bulge out of her head.

Meredith giggled and pulled him close. "_Five_ … extra bedrooms," she whispered, indulging him with a small smile, her eyes pinned to his … blue and intense with honesty. "You want a big family," she declared breathlessly, light-headed all of a sudden.

Derek held her close, swaying with her in his arms, the placeholder for their homestead just to the left of them now. He chuckled and swallowed her worries with a series of light kisses. "I … want … I just want a family," he said against her mouth, _kiss, kiss_. "With you …," he husked playfully, pulling back to check on his woman.

She smiled brilliantly. "Let me say, for the record, I'm not spooked …," she ventured softly, her eyes wet with the new range of emotions she was experiencing.

"No?" he mused quizzically, tilting his head to regard her; her eyes glistened … she sniffled.

"No … no … there's nothing scary about being with you …," she sighed. "I love you … so much …," she breathed, tilting her head up.

"I love you too," he answered with surety. "You … my mother's right, you know … you … illuminate me so," he said sincerely, moving to cradle her skull in his capable hands. "I meant what I said … from the beginning …," he sighed, his heart crazy with love. "I just … I want what you want, I want a life and a future with you … and yes … I want babies with you, a family," he sighed, breathing through his wayward emotions.

_Meredith sighed heavily, her heart beating wildly – a team of charging stallions somehow set free – thump, thump, like a babies heart over a Doppler … she shook her head and moved her hands up to hold him there, the cool air whipping up and around them as she did. She blinked and stared into her man's eyes; bright, blue … and luminous with everything she did to him._

"You leave me speechless sometimes," she sighed, brushing her cold nose against his. "In all my life – _I never had dreams like I do now –_ of the future …my career was always where my head was, something I could count on, just like my mother …," she sighed, shaking her head, her mind vacillating somewhere between her past and her future, at a loss for words. She watched Derek's smile reach his eyes – _that intimate smile he saved just for her_ – she exhaled and returned the smile. "I can't live without you," she said simply then.

"Well that's good, because I don't plan on living without you," Derek answered softly.

_Laughing together, he draped his arm around Meredith, holding her intense gaze as he turned with her and they to walk again – wrapped around one another – their smiles mere mirrors now as they moved in tandem toward that future they foretold, both together and apart from one another. _

"How about … three bedrooms … and guest room, plus … our room …," Meredith found herself whispering into the wind.

"Three extra rooms …," Derek mused, a bold smile forming along his face.

"Hmm, mmm … three," she breathed, her eyes fixed on the ground in front of them.

'_Three', her mind swirled around the thought of it … 'three', she inhaled sharply, righting her course as she held onto him then, her mind swirling with thoughts of marriage and children … and this: how could this have happened – that star-crossed fate and destinies fulfilled finally came down on her side?_

_How? She pondered and then she smiled brightly, tilting her head up find her reason – this man she evolved to adore – his spirit alive and well, deep inside a limelight of his own creation … Derek … her reason … her future. _

**Chapter 20 to follow. **


	28. Chapter 20, Clean Slate

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al. **

**Author's Note: So … minus the epilogue … this is it for this story, I truly hope you have enjoyed Meredith and Derek's journey. If you haven't felt compelled to leave a note for me before, now would be a great time to break the ice. Thanks and enjoy!**

**Chapter 20 – Clean Slate**

_An unexpected storm raged outside, the trailer rocking with the gusts of howling wind, lulling the lovers with its wordless melody. 'Casablanca', the 1942 classic, number one on the AFI's 100__th__ Greatest Love Stories of All Time list, was gracing the small, flat television screen in the corner of the room … though no one was watching. The characters told their story … Bogart and Bergman at their connective best – the lights flickered – browning out for a brief moment along with the television, but the temporary outage also went unnoticed. Thunder rumbled in the great distance all around, lightning would follow … three, two, one … strike … a bolt of electricity illuminated the soft yellow light they lived within. _

_The storm rallied, but the lovers were none the wiser – for they were safe, safe and warm and protected deep inside the eye of a storm of their own creation – this place where everything was full of life, teeming with energy and happiness and connectivity … with clean and clear minds … a place with blank, unwritten pages to be filled in by them and their actions and gestures … and steadfast lovemaking. _

_This place where they often ended up alone, though aligned and connected in triplicate … they were one in mind, body and spirit … and yes, in soul too. This place that belonged solely to them. _

_And within this quiet solitude, Derek closed his eyes for a brief moment, just enough to calm his heart and let Meredith calm hers before he moved his mouth from the damp crease of her neck, kissing his way down and across her rapid pulse point, mulling over how divine her skin tasted as he licked and sucked there, leaving tiny, wet impressions in his wake – his open mouth covering her right nipple now where he focused his attention – playing with her nub, listening to her mewls as their echo hung in the dense air all around them. _

_Humming into her flesh, he moved one hand down and palmed her ass, wedging his burgeoning hard on between them, his mouth still latched onto her nipple as he felt her shift her hips, adjusting to accommodate their angle wherein he rotated his hips again – driving her wild, her body on fire beneath his now – smoldering as the ridge of his sensitive head breached her slick opening. Slip, slip, he pulsed downward, forcing himself to pause for a beat and wait for her muscles to coax him inside – until he finally sank into her endless heat – settling his pelvis against hers before he began to move in earnest again. _

"Hmm, so good," Meredith encouraged gruffly, her voice stacked.

_Her chest heaving as she gasped for air, her lover's sheathe fully lubricated with her sex now as he began to slowly move inside of her – up, down, pulse, pulse, around and around he went – the storm raging all around them, pounding against the trailer as her lover gently pummeled her within that same haphazard beat … forces of nature unto each other. _

_Teasing her now, Derek moved on to feast on her left breast, raising her tiny erogenous peak to perfection as he pulled the nub back with his lips, gently brushing the tip of his tongue against the sensitive rosy bead – he moaned against her flesh and she called for him – his name a mere whisper from some far off place, her throaty voice barely registering within the deep fog of his ecstasy now. Pulling his lips away then, he raised his head to find her, ducking down to seize her lips before he gently eased his cock from her hold, only to plunge back into her depths … filling her up, completely. _

"I love you …," he whispered, his voice shaking with the candor of his words … _'I love you'_, he whispered silently as she stared at him now – _his words still reverberating as he slowed his pace and kissed her_ – taking his time, his cock still working her over where all he could do was hum into her mouth with pleasure.

_Meredith felt dizzy as her body rose off the mattress to meet his, her head in the clouds as she attempted to bring herself back to the moment, her slick abdomen moving in harmony with Derek's, her fingertips dancing up and down his spine – her legs wrapped around his torso, his cock swathed deep inside her core – muscle to muscle … she felt him pulse down, low and deep, rotating his hips to coax her further open._

'_Deeper' was all she managed to moan, her call guttural and animalistic as she flexed her hips up to meet his – her goal, simple, the same as it always was – to feel the unadulterated magic of cumming with and around her lover … again and again … and again. _

"Oh …," she sang as her vaginal muscles contracted around him, her eyes suddenly open and pinned on his gateways … endless, familiar and bright … _blue_ … like the eddying ocean along the Great Barrier Reef … serene and blue and clean.

_Derek exhaled and raised his torso up, balancing on his forearms as he cupped his hands around the halo of Meredith's skull, his nose brushing against hers as he worked their machine – wet, wild, lubricated – his mouth on hers, their lips moving up and down against one another's with every pulse he made … her slick channel as endless and familiar as her eyes … green, clear, though hazy with euphoric bliss. _

"I'm close," he said against her mouth, his toes curling as he raised her right thigh, pinning her knee under his arm. "You feel … so good," he muttered thickly, fighting to keep his wits about him as she swept him away.

_Meredith took his signal then and raised her left leg, positioning it under his arm, opening her sex for deeper penetration – his cock bumping against her cervix, pulsing against her G-spot as he went – his open mouth on hers, kiss, kiss, she tugged on his bottom lip, moaning with pleasure as she fought to stay afloat. 'Oh, Jesus,' she called, her voice barreling through the quiet storm all around them … her breathing labored – her hands flanking his face now while they stared at one another and the world slowly stopped spinning – their collaborative hormonal surges almost too much to bear as they came hard and fast and together._

_Their muscles pulsing with ownership …_

_Their hearts sharing a beat …_

_Their minds and spirits soaring … _

_Thunder rumbled and the pair collapsed into one another, tangled in a sea of bed linens, the rain pelting down upon the trailer, the wind still moving, whipping all around them, the eye of the storm having come and gone … the credits now rolling on 'Casablanca'. _

Derek pressed his nose into Meredith's neck then, the thin veil of their blissful union ebbing ever so slightly as he heard thunder in the distance and the small trailer came back into focus. Inhaling sharply, he regulated his breathing, her sexual essence encapsulating him as he buried himself into her heat, his heartbeat slowing down, his cock softening – _the tempo of her vaginal muscles also slowing _– her lips pressed to his neck, her eyes closed, no doubt as heavy as his. The storm raged on outside, he felt her exhale sharply and then lower her legs, moving to clasp her feet around the small of his back – _holding on tight to him while he held her _– each longing to preserve their brand of intimacy.

Meredith sighed, her breathing stacked as she released Derek's cock from her tenacious hold upon him, the softened muscle slipping from her confines as she did. She closed her eyes then and let his weight cover her like a blanket – _his tender kisses lulling her to some other place as she tried to find the rhythm of the storm outside_ – rain, wind, thunder … and bolts of lightning that made her flinch.

"We're safe … it's starting to move out now," Derek murmured, holding her close, his nose still pressed into her neck.

Meredith opened her eyes and Derek turned his head, resting it on her shoulder as he looked up to find her. "I know …," she breathed, pressing her lips into a thin line as stared at him for a beat before she glanced at the television, a giggle escaping from her lips as she did. Her lover followed her line of sight and turned back to her.

"We're never going to see the whole thing are we?" he chuckled, leaning up and onto one elbow as he moved off of her, draping his thigh over hers as she chased his heat.

"No," Meredith answered without hesitation. She blinked and reached up, setting her hand upon the handsome plane of his cheek, his free hand resting over her heart. She smiled and so did he.

"We don't need to see it, you know," he mused after a minute, her heart beating under his palm … strong, steady, healthy.

"Hmm … and why's that?" she wondered, her eyes transfixed on his, the soft yellow light somehow adding another layer to his depths tonight.

"Because," he whispered, ducking his head down to kiss her, _pulse, pulse_. "We're living it, the love story … a great love story," he breathed against her lips, his fingertips dancing along her flushed cheeks now.

"We are," she agreed softly with reflection as she stared at him … because it was the truth, they really were.

Derek glanced at the clock and then listened to the storm, now made from little more than rain, the thunder and lightning having died down. He bent down and kissed his woman, humming with pleasure before he barely pulled away. "We have to go …," he announced, pressing another kiss on her cheek "The mixer is in less than two hours … and with the rain –"

"We don't want to be late ... new interns and all," Meredith teased, pulling him down to kiss him again, this time with a bit more urgency. "Shower with me," she husked then, her tone a bit more serious, for sometimes, it was true; she was unable to stop herself from wanting more intimate time with him.

"Gladly," Derek replied against her open mouth where he kissed her quickly before he got out of bed and held his hand out for her.

###

Derek put a hand through his damp hair, blending the waxy balm from his palms into his roots. He smiled tightly into the mirror and quizzed himself on the names of the new surgical interns – _Yang, Karev, Stevens, O'Malley_ – exhaling with satisfaction as he turned to his side of the closet, he pulled a fresh undershirt free and slipped it on, his eyes skimming through his shirts now, having already donned a pair of slacks.

He was excited about tonight, about the prospect of the new interns and his impending roll as Chief of Surgery and the eventual joint position he would share with Erica Hahn. He sighed and smiled when his eyes landed on his new favorite shirt, that same smile on his face when he heard Meredith emerge from the bathroom. He turned around to find her.

"Wow," he breathed, swiftly mesmerized by how gorgeous she was, the soft light doing positively amazing things to her silhouette.

"It's okay, not too much?" Meredith wondered, turning around for him as he stared at her, the new garment, snug on her hips.

"Too much?" Derek swallowed as he crossed the small space. "No …," he husked. "This … pretty much defines the concept of the little black dress," he breathed, standing before her. He set his hands on her hips, then moved them down to palm her toned ass. "And … it's more than perfect on you," he murmured, his hands roaming her body before he cupped her face in his hands, her cheeks warm and pink.

Meredith giggled. "It's new … I went with Sissy …," she said breathed, her heart shimmying under the intensity of his stare. "She insisted," she smiled, recalling Sissy's outright opposition to Meredith wearing anything _'old'_ to the _'new'_ interns' mixer, carefully reminding her that Derek was their boss and that he also had an impression to make.

"Hmm, I'll have to thank her later," he said softly, eliciting a breathless giggle from his lover –_his fingertips nestled in her long, blond tresses, still warm from their blow dry_ – his eyes lingering on her lips, glossy with a fresh coat of something he hadn't seen before … pink, shimmery … and sexy as hell.

"Well, she said the interns wouldn't be the only ones making an impression," Meredith smiled, wherein she tilted her chin up and solicited a kiss from her lover.

Derek kissed her then, humming against her glossy lips; she tasted of strawberries and toothpaste. Pulling back, he smiled. "You taste good," he teased with a smirk. Meredith giggled. "And I suppose Sissy's right," he agreed, turning back to his closet. "So I need a shirt … what'll it be, dark blue or red?" he prompted, holding two button-down shirts up.

Meredith smiled and tilted her head. "Well … blue brings out the color in your eyes …," she said softly as she moved to stand with him.

"And the red?" he asked, holding the shirt up in front of him; he smirked.

"It's a good-looking shirt," she flirted, batting her lashes playfully now, her fingertips toying with the cuff of the sleeve.

"It is …," Derek smiled and stepped closer to her. "You know … someone special bought this shirt for me," he intimated, his voice playful, full of lust.

"Really?" Meredith queried, a smile forming along her face, her eyes twinkling against the soft light.

"Hmm, yeah … and I'd like to thank her," he answered seriously, setting the shirts down on the bed before he cupped her face again and held her there – _eye to eye_ – so completely turned on by the dress and everything it did to her figure. He ran his hands up and down her sides, the pads of his fingers dancing, tickling … feeling.

"You would?" she giggled, shivering under his lithe touch.

"Hmm, mmm … ," he hummed as he kissed her cheek. "You know what says _'thank you' _like nothing else?" he flirted then; his eyes entranced by hers … green, sexy, exuberant.

"No," she giggled, holding his steadfast gaze.

Derek leaned closer and whispered into her ear then. "Sex …," he husked hotly.

"You're incorrigible," Meredith snorted as she stared at him.

"I know, this I know …," he smirked, pulling her close again, his fists pinned to her hips as he held her in place.

"It's what I do to you," she whispered, her voice quivering slightly.

"It is …," Derek breathed. "And I love it …and I love you," he said simply, truthfully.

"I love you too," Meredith sighed with a smile that just wouldn't quit. "Wear the red," she winked. "Maybe you'll get lucky tonight," she teased, pursing her lips together.

"Maybe?" he exclaimed in mock-surprise. "What? And all this time, I thought you were a sure thing!" he teased, smirking as turned back to the task at hand – _slipping the red shirt on _– a memorable gift from his girlfriend while they vacationed in Paris.

###

_An hour later, the couple stood at the helm of the ferryboat as it glided across the calm waters of the Elliott Bay – the storm having swiftly disappeared out to sea – leaving in its wake a clear view of the city where everything was fresh and washed clean. _

Meredith sighed, the hot exhale of her breath twirling into the air all around them as she leaned back and into Derek's heat, her hands on the railing in front of her, his hands pinned to her hips, both warm and familiar even through her ecru pea coat. She inhaled and looked down at the churning water – _brown, foggy with debris kicked up from the storm_ – mesmerized for a beat before she raised her head and found the city again and this time she smiled, for she would start her fellowship next week, the same week Derek would start to migrate to his Chief of Surgery post.

The wind changed directions then and pushed hard against their backs, wordlessly urging them to move upon this precipice of change, propelling them to take flight this very night _– the skies all clear, black and endless, unwritten _– just like their future where her mind drifted to their house on the ridge, the land covered with dancing lavender as the gentle roar of the dandelions filled the air. _Once a dream, now their reality. _She shivered involuntarily on the thought, a course of energy stacking up her spine causing Derek to pull her closer. He kissed her neck – _only to produce another round of shivers –_ her breathless giggle floating into the night sky as she did.

"Do you want to head back to the car?" Derek chuckled into her ear before he kissed her there again, her body quivering … a telltale reflex.

Meredith laughed and turned in her lover's arms. "No," she giggled, setting her eyes on his striking blues … wild, curious, young. "It's suddenly so … fresh out here, isn't it?" she pondered, turning halfway around again to look at the defined skyline.

"It is … it seems like everything's been washed clean … like blank slate," Derek agreed, looking on with Meredith at the city lights as they twinkled in the distance just as the stars shimmered above them.

"It's a gorgeous view …," Meredith sighed, staring at the skyline for a long moment, almost wishing time could stop … almost.

Derek turned Meredith in his arms then. "It's gorgeous from where I'm standing too," he whispered thickly, pushing her chin up, her glossy lips shining in the pale light before kissed her, _once, twice._

_Meredith smiled under his lips and Derek pulled back and watched her cheeks heat, his same smile etched along his handsome face as she draped her arms around his neck and they began to sway together … the storm out to sea … the moon rising above them … the calm water all around them … and the twinkling city, just waiting for their arrival. _

###

"Ah, Derek … Meredith," boomed Richard Webber with a genuine smile when he saw the young couple. "Pleasant evening, despite the rain, don't you think?" he asked, making polite conversation as he toyed with the glass of water in his hand.

"It is," Derek agreed, looking around the small, but crowded bistro located just off the lobby of The Archfield Hotel.

"Meredith, you look lovely," Richard offered, trying his best to offer her a genuine smile. He squeezed Derek's shoulder firmly.

"Oh … thank you," Meredith smiled; hoping that eventually, the quiet unease that seemed to exist between them would dissipate all together.

Richard sighed. "Why don't you check your coats and I'll find Adele … then we'll find those interns of yours Derek," he offered casually. "Drs. Sloan and Hahn are here somewhere as well – _Dr. Bailey already headed out, needed to get home to the baby_ – so what do you say, I'll gather the troops and we'll get our business underway," he said, his eyes moving over the crowd of doctors.

"Sounds like a plan," Derek smiled, taking Meredith's hand as they headed for the coat check. "Awkward much?" he asked her with a smirk as soon as they were alone.

"I know, it's horrifying right?" she snorted, squeezing his hand with a small smile as she shimmied out of her coat.

"He's trying …," Derek sighed. "It'll get easier … over time," he surmised evenly as he handed their coats to the attendant and she handed him a ticket. "Thanks," he smiled as he slipped the ticket into his pocket.

"I don't even want to think about meeting his wife again," Meredith sighed heavily as she met Derek's eyes. He pressed his lips together. "I wonder if she knows," she breathed, her heart suddenly trumpeting.

"Listen," Derek sighed, drawing her away from the crowd. "What happened … was between them, they were the adults … this isn't –"

"A reflection on me … I know," Meredith whispered with her same small smile.

Derek's eyes softened. "Just try to remember that, okay?" he prompted as he checked her over until she leaned forward and discretely kissed his lips.

"I'll try … I probably won't be seeing him all that much, anyway," she whispered.

"Probably not," he sighed, spotting a waiter carrying a tray of evenly filled champagne flutes. He raised his hand slightly and the young man headed their way. Derek smiled and handed one to Meredith before he took one for himself. "Thanks," he smiled before he turned back to his lover. "Cheers," he whispered intimately as he raised his glass.

"Cheers," she whispered in that same intimate tone as she touched her glass to his and they took a sip of the cool, crisp elixir. "Shall we?" she prompted then, her heartbeat still strumming.

_They turned then and surveyed the crowd, Meredith's eyes moving through the room as she searched for Dr. Mark Sloan, the only other person she knew at the event, a reflective smile forming along her face when she thought about Dr. Bailey leaving early – she was a good mother (and an excellent surgeon according to Derek) – she was __both__ … and even though it wasn't easy, she made it seem like it was. _

_And suddenly, just like that … her thoughts circulated around her mother wherein she couldn't help but wonder about her and how on the precipice of her internship – she might have been at a mixer a lot like this one – where she was the one who had something to prove, a young, eager surgeon (with child at home) … off at an event where she might have met a very young Richard Webber for the very first time … as his wife waited at home for him._

_Meredith sighed heavily and shook herself free from the past – forcing herself to move on and beyond what had been out of her control – she squeezed Derek's hand, once again looking around the room at all of the new doctors, their paths unwritten … their slates clean … just like hers, and then she smiled. _

"I see Sloan," Derek murmured, pointing to a set of tables near the rear of the space.

Meredith smiled, suddenly thankful for the distraction. "Who is the woman sitting with him?" she asked as they moved through the crowd.

"Dr. Sydney Heron," Derek smirked.

"Oh no," Meredith giggled as she slowed her pace. Derek turned back to her.

"What?" he asked as he kept walking.

"What's that face for?" she wondered incredulously.

"You'll see … this just turned into a _'search and __rescue__ operation'_," Derek chuckled.

"Rescue?" Meredith pondered, watching the doctors in what appeared to be animated conversation.

"Can't you see that look of desperation on his face?" he queried with a wry grin.

Meredith giggled. "So, you're his wing man?" she chided, bumping his hip with hers.

"Who me?" Derek countered. "No … he's … no, we've never really hung out … but seriously, look at his face," he gestured with a grin. "He's in trouble," he chuckled as he suddenly caught Mark Sloan's eyes with his and smirked.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey!" Mark greeted the pair boldly, his eyes wide and thankful as the couple approached. He stood up and _'Dr. Climb-a-Mountain-You'll-Feel-Better' _did the same. "So, how about that rain?" he prompted eagerly. "I'm happy you made it," he rambled uncharacteristically.

"Wouldn't miss it," Derek said with a smile. "Hello, Dr. Heron," he greeted casually. "Allow me to introduce Dr. Meredith Grey," he gestured.

"Hello Dr. Grey, it's lovely to meet you," Sydney said as she held her hand out where the young doctor shook it with a smile as she carefully surveyed the next Chief of Surgery and the young woman who just _had_ to be his lover.

"Dr. Grey will be starting her fellowship at Grace with Dr. Henry Paschal next week," Derek announced proudly.

"Oh," Sydney smiled. "I heard about the grant you've secured, wonderful work you'll be doing … good for the hospital too!" she exclaimed happily.

"Thank you," Meredith said sincerely, wondering what the men were up in arms about, sure this woman was happy – _a bit too giggly in an 'all caps' sort of way_ – but she seemed … _normal _… except for maybe the way she was looking at her … and now at Derek.

Sydney tilted her head and regarded the couple for a beat before she smiled. "Has anyone ever told you that you go well together?" she wondered aloud. "Like you're color coordinated …even though you're not?" she giggled breathlessly.

Derek smiled and squeezed Meredith's hand. "Oh, well –"

"Because you do … you match … you _fit_, perfectly together … I can tell," Sydney giggled nervously, her laugh bouncing between the players before she cupped her palm over her mouth; her cheeks flushed. "That sounded vaguely dirty, didn't it?" she giggled. "The _'fitting perfectly together' _part? Of course I didn't mean in the –"

"Anatomical sense," Mark interrupted, ribbing the nervous doctor, just because.

"Dr. Sloan!" Sydney exclaimed, her cheeks beet red now.

Derek snickered. "Ah well, that doesn't mean it isn't true," he smirked saucily at Meredith.

"Derek!" Meredith snorted, her raucous laughter joining his now while Mark simply looked on with appreciation.

Sydney cleared her throat, her own giggle dying down now as she grabbed her purse. "Well …," she smiled genuinely. "Dr. Grey, it was certainly nice meeting you … and Dr. Shepherd, always … nice seeing you," she smirked playfully before she turned back to Dr. Sloan. "Let me know if you're interested – _a man like you, would do well up there_ – I bet you could even keep up with a woman like me," she challenged brazenly, though her voice shook betraying her slightly.

"Oh, of course," Mark nodded in assent with a tight smile. He cleared his throat.

_The trio watched her go then – slowly disappearing into the crowd – her giggle following her as she went. Derek sipped his champagne and turned back to Mark expectantly. _

"What was that about?" he asked incredulously with a wry grin.

Meredith giggled. "What did she say – _'a man like you'_ – what does that even mean?" she wondered, her bouncing, happy eyes moving between the two men.

Mark took a long sip of his scotch. "Hell if I know!" he cackled. "She likes to hike apparently and …well, I am in incredible shape," he snickered and then he smiled broadly at Meredith. "I guess it means she thinks we'd go together … _fit perfectly_ together," he laughed suggestively as he raised his glass toward the lovers, who in turn raised theirs. "Thanks for coming to the rescue," he muttered with a grimace.

###

"Ah … there you are," Richard smiled as he approached the bar some time later, the four interns flanking him, two on either side.

_Derek, Meredith and Mark turned around and smiled, Meredith's eyes growing wide as she looked at the two interns standing to Richard's left as he started to make introductions._

"Drs. Shepherd and Sloan, you remember Drs. Karev and Stevens, Drs. Yang and O'Malley," he smiled. "And … this is Dr. Meredith Grey, she'll be a new fellow at Grace, heading up an Alzheimer's research group with Dr. Henry Paschal," he explained with a cheerful smile.

Derek smiled at the young doctors. "Welcome to the program," he said sincerely, his hand on the small of Meredith's back.

_Meredith smiled widely as she was folded into the casual small talk within the group, her eyes falling on the shorter of the male doctors, O'Malley – watching with interest as he interacted with Richard Webber – deciding then that the older mentor probably was a very excellent Chief of Surgery. For after years of practice, he effortlessly exuded confidence, power and the seriousness of his post, while fostering some kind of reassurance to the young doctor at the same time. Smiling to herself, she wondered what her mother would make of him now … distinguished, all grown up … but before she lost herself, she made a valiant attempt to move on … to let it all go._

_And therein, she turned away and began to watch Dr. Yang, surely Dr. O'Malley's alter ego, engage with Mark Sloan. And what she saw didn't really surprise her, for the young doctor was shockingly serious, all business with blinders on, like a horse readied for a race. She was smart, no doubt about that and very likely in the top of her class and Meredith could tell just by looking at her that she was the one to beat – and she also reminded her of her mother – simply put, 'surgery was her life', end of story. Meredith tried to still her heart again and move from those wayward thoughts, distracting herself now as she listened in on their conversation._

"I'd really like to see Dr. Hahn, do you know when she'll make an appearance?" Cristina asked Dr. Sloan, fighting the urge to roll her eyes at the stereotypical Head of Plastics – _good-looking, arrogant_ – and a waste of surgical talent. "I'm amazed by her, she's unbelievable," she stated seriously as her eyes roamed the crowd.

Mark tried to read this woman – _but found her impossible, an anomaly_ – for she hadn't checked him out, _at all_ since they were first introduced. Not even one of those once-over glances people tend to take pleasure in when they think no one is watching … and then a thought occurred to him and he smiled widely.

"Oh … so you're …," he thought aloud. "Are you …," he wondered, his head tilting to the side as he checked her out.

"Am I what?" Cristina questioned quickly, trying to figure out how to read this guy … _'was he for real'?_

"Not interested in –"

"Plastics?" Meredith offered quickly, interrupting Mark – _for she couldn't stand idly by and watch the guy go where he was about to go_ – she giggled and shook her head, _'no, you have it all wrong'_.

"Plastics?" Cristina scoffed, shaking her head without a care of offending the esteemed doctor. "Oh God, no!" she said incredulously. "Cardio … I'm here for Dr. Hahn, because of her," she insisted boldly.

Mark glanced at Meredith and for the second time that evening, he tipped his glass toward her. She smiled and did the same, her eyes bright and playful _– and though he knew paybacks were a bitch, he also had a feeling Grey would go easy on him_ – deciding then that he'd send her some flowers on her first day of work.

_Sighing with satisfaction, another 'rescue' mission complete, Meredith took a long sip of her champagne then and shifted on her feet, leaning into the heat of Derek's hand as he discretely held it against the small of her back. _

_She emptied her champagne flute and looked up, her eyes briefly meeting the striking ocean blues of the 'tigress' where she thought she spotted a flicker of recognition there too. So she held the young doctor's gaze – noticing for the first time how disarming and genuine her smile was – for she looked more like the girl next door than Meredith ever remembered. She was fresh and rested – her blond hair long and carefree – perhaps just off of a vacation, much like Meredith … with the trials of medical school behind her. Righting herself, she dodged the intense scrutiny between them for a beat before Derek whispered something indiscernible to her and she turned her attention back to him. He winked and took her empty flute only to replace it with a full one._

_Meredith smiled widely, letting the world fall away briefly as she tipped the glass in his direction before taking a ceremonious small sip. Derek raised his brow and she felt the bubbly drink tickle her cheeks pink, wondering briefly …'was he trying to get her drunk, to take advantage'? She rolled her eyes then, giggling at his antics and was about to suggest he make a toast when the 'lion' tapped her on her shoulder. She turned to face him. _

"Hey … I'm ah … Alex Karev, this Izzie Stevens," he said tilting his head as he regarded her, once again spotting Dr. Shepherd's hand on her back. "You worked at the library," he blurted out, a smile forming along his face. "You're the girl from the library," he deemed thoughtfully with that same smile.

"Small world," Meredith murmured, her eyes resting on Derek's for a moment wherein he had his own epiphany. "And, yes … I am … _'the girl from the library'_", she smiled evenly. "And you're … _'the couple from the library'_," she laughed.

"It's nice to finally meet you," Izzie said, recalling how they had seen each other for years and never really had a reason to meet.

"Likewise," Meredith smiled as she shook Izzie's hand.

"Wow," Derek smiled broadly. "The world is indeed a very small place … I remember you both now," he chuckled and took a sip of his champagne.

Alex sighed and decidedly draped his arm around Izzie's shoulders. "I guess we don't have to figure out how to tell him about our relationship, right Iz …," he smirked, drawing her near.

Izzie sighed and glanced at Alex for an uncomfortable beat before she turned back to Dr. Shepherd. "And … how do you feel about this – _us, we've been together for years_ – but working together and being together? I assume there are rules …," she spoke candidly.

Derek smiled evenly, knowing that it was one of those gray areas, one that he explored when he approached Richard about getting in touch with Paschal for Meredith, regardless of whether they would work together or not … there were some issues, issues that some might see as nepotism – _especially given her pedigree and her mother's history with Richard_ – but most of them he felt were resolved by his not being her superior. He squeezed Meredith's shoulder and then began to speak.

"You're peers," he said thoughtfully. "And you're involved and have been for years …," he smiled. "I think you know each other and how to handle one another … but when it comes down to it – _you're also doctors first, to me, anyway _– and this is where my interest is, this is what is most important to me …," he said firmly. "So as long as there's no interference … let's just press on," he suggested with a tight smile.

"It is for us too," Izzie assured firmly before she turned to Alex.

"It is, becoming surgeons – _it means everything to us_ – we've worked hard to get here," Alex confirmed, slipping his hand into Izzie's as he did.

Meredith smiled and watched Derek and Richard speak with Alex and Izzie. "They seem like a nice couple," she said softly as she turned to Dr. O'Malley.

"I guess they do …," he replied nervously. "And you … and Dr. Shepherd? Are you …," he ventured, not wanting to pry into Dr. Shepherd's life, but curious enough to ask … _what was he doing with a girl her age anyway?_

"We're together," Meredith confirmed, taking another sip of her champagne.

George felt his throat go dry, this nervous symptom he had ever since he hit puberty – _he'd talk to a girl who was a friend and he was fine_ – but if he had the slightest bit of interest in someone, he suffered almost an allergic reaction, like those people who's throats closed up because of some kind of acute reaction to shell fish or peanuts. _Damn._ He exhaled sharply.

"Where did you meet?" he asked then, pushing his burgeoning interest aside as he decided that she seemed nice … that they could be friends.

"About six months ago … at Seattle Grace, actually," Meredith answered, a small smile setting along her face. "I was a patient, banged my head pretty badly," she said, her eyes moving from Derek's to Mark's. She chuckled. "Dr. Sloan stitched me up … a favor …," she moved her hand along her invisible _'scar'_. "And … Derek …," she breathed, her cheeks heating as she stopped herself. "Dr. Shepherd, well he … saved my life …," she sighed wistfully as she absentmindedly moved hand to her lariat necklace where she twirled the hearts with her fingertips and smiled.

"And the rest is history," George finished for her.

Smiling now as her infectious giggle bounced between them – _because it was a good story, a good beginning _– his mother's familiar words floating through his mind now: _'a good love story is unconventional, George, and in the end, it doesn't matter how you meet your true love … it only matters that you do'._

###

_The cool mist of the damp Seattle night entrenched the couple as they walked out of The Archfield Hotel, leaving the party behind as it wound down, Dr. Erica Hahn last seen chatting animatedly with the eager, over-achiever, Dr. Yang. Mark had also bade them a farewell, informing them he was 'escorting' the interns, O'Malley, Karev and Stevens over to Joe's for their inaugural throwback before the demands of their surgical internships would begin. _

Meredith held Derek's hand and felt the pressures from the party ebb, flowing from her akin to a river as they stood in front of the hotel and waited for the valet to bring the car around. The wind was calm now and everything was back in place and clean – _the air was crisp and the stars hung high in the sky_ – and in the end, it was a beautiful night to turn the first page of the next chapter of her life.

Derek moved behind his woman and kissed her neck, just above the collar of her coat. He inhaled her essence, pushing it down and into his lungs, the stuffy and stale air of the party a distant memory now. "I had fun tonight," he whispered into her ear.

"Me too," she answered simply, because she did, despite her mother's lingering presence, she had a wonderful time.

Derek spotted Mark and the interns then as they walked out into the night through another set of doors. Mark saw him and egged him on. Derek laughed out loud. "Do you want to join them?" he asked of Meredith as she followed his line of sight.

"Do you?" she countered, leaning back and into his heat.

"No," he laughed. "I'd much rather go home … take advantage of you …," he smirked, his hands slipping beneath the wool of her coat, moving now against the warm curves of her body, so sensual and tempting beneath that little black dress. Meredith laughed and tipped her head back. Derek peppered her neck with kisses. "Hmm … I want you," he growled against her skin, pulling her near. "Home _– I want to go home_ – be with you … just you and me," he exhaled as she turned in his arms – _her delicate fingers flanking his skull as she stared at him_ – her eyes so clean and clear that he could see their future within.

Meredith sighed breathlessly, moving her hands down to the collar of his red shirt, tugging on it slightly, she pulled him forward. "Well, the night's still young …," she whispered, kissing his lips, _once, twice_ before she pulled back. "And you _are_ wearing your good-looking red shirt," she sassed against his lips as he hummed into their kiss. "So … home – _home with you_ – sounds perfect," she whispered. "Home with you … is a dream come true," she said as she pulled back, the depths of his gateways so clear and brilliant now that she saw her reflection within … _and she was happy._

**THE END (of the beginning) … Epilogue to follow.**


	29. Epilogue, Somewhere Over the Rainbow

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.**

**Author's Note: Just a quick note of thanks to all who submitted notes of encouragement to me throughout this story, while my readership continues to soar, sometimes the lack of commentary can real be a downer, so thank you so much to those of you who have opened those lines of communication and gave me a chance with this story! I truly hope you have enjoyed reading as much as I have enjoyed writing it.  
**

###**  
**

**Epilogue – Somewhere Over the Rainbow**

_"and I see your true colors  
shining through_" 

_Meredith pressed her head against the cool glass in front of her. She smiled to herself, sighing as she watched one of the babies, a little girl, wrinkle her nose … a reflex … her eyes still closed to the world, bundled up tightly in an abundance of soft, hospital-issue receiving blankets. Safe and warm … a moment of perfect peace and harmony, captured so vividly, so much so that Meredith couldn't look away if she tried. And it was like that every time she came up to the nursery – she found it harder and harder to look away from their little cherub faces – finally relaxing after their arduous journey._

_She felt tears prick her eyes – they were gorgeous little miracles – and had their lives ahead of them where they lived now under a colorful wave of party streamers and balloons and flowers and endless, perfect rainbows … they were new, unruffled by life. _

_With a smile still etched along her face, she glanced to her friend, seeing now that his troubles had ebbed slightly, her mind wandering of course to her 'date' with Derek that night all those months ago – the night he was on call and she missed him so – and came here to fill that void, because he missed her too. Her mind deluge with him now and the point he proved to her that night … because good things do happen here, and this place didn't really have to pull a person down into the trenches of death and disease and surgery debacles. He was right … Seattle Grace could be a place of hope, a place with a prayer for a better tomorrow … a place where cures for the unimaginable were found. _

_And for that lesson she would be forever thankful. Because she loved him … even then, and was somehow drawn to the hope he felt radiating inside these walls and to that end – she needed that hope to do the research she was hired to do – for the depths of Alzheimer's was daunting and dark and woeful … and even egregious. And so when it became too much, she came up here … and she brought George with her once a few months ago – because everyone needed a break, a bubble of happiness to float upon for a brief moment in time – every now and again. _

"Thanks for dragging me up here again, Meredith," George sighed, pressing his head against the cool glass. "I needed it … a break before tonight," he said softly. "I'm on-call this weekend," he said, half in an effort to remind himself.

"Sure thing," Meredith smiled, turning to watch her friend almost collapse against the window. She chuckled.

"Babies … if they only knew …," he chuckled weakly, rubbing his eyes with the backs of his hands. He smiled then. "Maybe we should tell them," he laughed, looking through the window again … _boy, girl, boy, girl, pink, blue … blue, blue, blue_ … he snorted – _he__ was good boy, a good kid_ – and a good man. He knew this … but … it sure didn't feel like it lately.

"Everyone makes mistakes, George," Meredith whispered, trying her best to reign him in, for he was still bothered by the moniker Cristina had given him some time ago … _'007'_, it was cruel, but not surprising coming from her. "You're an intern … we're basically babies ourselves … we have no idea what we're doing," she reminded him softly.

George sighed and blinked, his eyes so fatigued he was convinced he could close them and they would never open again. He exhaled in frustration. "Maybe I'm not cut out for this after all," he breathed his confession, his hot breath ricocheting off the glass, _hot, cold, hot, cold._ "I should have joined the Army – _I would look good in a uniform_ – and I might have been more inspired," he chuckled, turning to face Meredith, self-deprecation fueling his fire now.

"I keep saying this, but that patient won't be the only one you'll ever lose," she reasoned with him carefully, choosing to ignore the comment about the Army. "And as far as inspiration goes … at least you're inspired by more than your dead mother's taxing illness," she smirked playfully.

"Yeah …," he chuckled. "I just wish she could've given that asshole nickname to someone else," he snickered, pulling his PDA from his pocket. "I have to study," he mumbled as he looked up and found his friend … with her head tilted, her green eyes big and soft, moving from baby to baby.

_Meredith sighed, one of those resigned sighs and for once it was necessarily a bad thing … she pushed fingertips against the cool glass of the window – this symbolic gateway to the future – and therein, she saw herself, her reflection and within that moment of reflection, she once again wondered how it was that she became this woman … the one who'd met and fallen in love with the man of her dreams … the one who would move in with that man into the home of her dreams … on this very night. _

_This home, this place that had become theirs as they watched it come to life, this place they created with the three extra bedrooms … _

… _and the dancing lavender that would bloom next spring … _

… _and the dandelions that would bloom again in the summer … _

_She breathed on these blessings then, still wondering, how and why … and how wonderful it was that she was this woman with a future to plan and to build upon. _

_Tiny tears of rejoice pricked her eyes then and though she'd grown quite used to the tears shed by this woman – she blinked them away with haste – moving closer to the window again, watching as her watery reflection disappeared, for now. _

"They really are something, aren't they …," George murmured softly as he watched Meredith watch over the babies, her more serious physique softening as she did – _imagining now that this was more true to the woman she actually was_ – soft, sincere … motherly. He smiled.

Meredith inhaled sharply, her eyes still vacillating over the babies … so new, so full of endless light and color. "They are … amazing," she agreed, her apron strings tugging at her heart. She exhaled and turned to George, shaking those whimsical feelings off, for now. "So … skipping dinner again?" she asked with a tight smile, well aware that he'd been studying up for his boards, _really studying_, putting much more into it than Izzie or even Alex.

"Yeah," George answered. "I'll grab something, head down to the tunnels," he smiled weakly. "I assume … you'll keep all of that to yourself …my crack about the Army," he prompted evenly as they turned away from the nursery, his careful reminder to Meredith hanging in the air between them.

"Of course, just want to make sure you remember to eat," she giggled as they stopped in front of the elevators, she pushed the up and down arrows. "And no, I won't tell anyone," she promised.

The elevator chimed, heading down. George smiled. "I'll talk to you later," he murmured as he stepped over the threshold and turned around, the doors closing as he saluted her ridiculously.

_Meredith giggled at his antics, quickly deciding to take the stairs rather than wait. She turned around and looked down the hallway from whence they came, exhaling wistfully as she turned away and headed down the hallway en-route to the stairwell. She opened the door and glanced at her watch, the door closing behind her as she did. She had about an hour to get to the ferry dock, her mind instantly switching gears to Derek and then she smiled … a smile that wouldn't quit. _

_She rounded the last corner and exited the darkness of the stairwell, her eyes scanning the brightly lit hallways as she walked down to her office, spotting Izzie and Alex at the opposite end, their smiles beaming at one another as they chatted animatedly. She shook her head before she slipped inside her office sight unseen. She closed the door and peeled her lab coat off and hung it on the back of her door. She took her coat from the second hanger, her mind swiftly moving to George and his ambivalence – his smart-ass comment about the Army on instant replay – even now._

_Exhaling, she gathered her bags and clicked her reading lamp off before she headed for the door and opened it, closing and locking it behind her. She made a beeline for the elevators – her thoughts circling around secrets and keeping them – though it was no secret between her and Derek that she'd mastered the boundaries of compartmentalization with regards to having friends who happened to be her boyfriend's interns. _

_Because the conflict was unavoidable – none of her friends wanted to look weak in front of their boss – and she couldn't really blame them … but she couldn't walk away from the lunch table every time they began to vent. So, as confidences were to remain confidential – she made it clear from__the very beginning that her relationship with Derek was off the table – it was private … it was theirs … and he came first … and whatever happened between all of them and her surgical God of a boyfriend was between them._

_She pushed the down arrow and waited, the elevator arrived and she slipped inside, her thoughts swirling around her friends now and their moments of extreme weakness … George and his apparent self-deprecation … and Izzie and her inferiority complex surrounding her beauty and her desire to be taken seriously … and Alex and his tough exterior, this bullish way he had about himself that only seemed to tamper with his bedside manner (which really was something else when his patient was a child) … and even Cristina, with her ultra-competitiveness and complete and utter fear of doing __anything__ wrong … yeah, it was true … sometimes they were a mess … and sometimes so was she. _

_The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened to the lobby. She exited and made her way to the line of taxis that awaited, the damp night air clinging to her as she walked. She inhaled a deep breath of the fresh air, pushing the recycled, stale air from her lungs … out, out, out – she marked the official end to her day – a broad smile on her face now, her heart racing, for they would sleep in the house tonight, the waiting was over … tonight had finally arrived! She stopped at the first taxi in line and leaned down to see the driver. _

"Let me guess, the docks," said the familiar driver with a wry grin.

Meredith smiled. "You know, one day I'm going to surprise you," she laughed as she slipped into the warmth of the taxicab, her phone chirping as she did. "Hang on a second," she mumbled, fishing into her pocket for her phone – _it was Sissy_ – her face lit up as she pressed _'send'_ to accept the call.

"_I hope you're on your way home …,"_ came her voice over the line and Meredith could tell she was smiling.

"I am … and you?" she asked of her friend, the taxi pulled away from the curb.

"_Charles is meeting me, we're going out for Thai, I'd ask for your company, but I know you and Derek have other … more pressing plans,"_ Sissy cackled into the line.

"Yep … still have our plans," Meredith giggled. "At least it'll be fun, like a sleepover or something," she smiled wistfully.

"_Yeah, something like that, you know, it'll be a great story to tell your kids one day," _she laughed. "_'Mom and dad were so excited to move into our house, the first night, we slept on the floor like a couple of teenagers …,'_" she cackled, relentlessly teasing now.

Meredith giggled. "At least it's only for one night, our bedroom furniture will be delivered tomorrow … and I think everything else the day after that," she sighed with a smile.

"_You secretly love it though, the idea of sleeping out, just you and Derek in that house … all alone,"_ Sissy said softly, her voice reflective.

"I do," Meredith breathed.

_Both women were silent then for a beat, the taxi rounded the corner and Meredith pulled her money from her pocket, just enough for the fare and a tip. He moved into the small line traffic, slowing down as he did. _

"So, this weekend? You'll come out," Meredith prompted.

"_Of course … and you know … Charles and I still want to throw a housewarming party for you –our treat – your friends from the hospital, that nice couple from the library … okay … we'll have it catered!" _she giggled into the line.

"Catered, wow! You're pulling out all the stops," Meredith laughed, teasing her friend, for she could hear the wheels of her brain moving around the party she would plan for this occasion. Meredith's mind drifted to her mother and then to Derek's and then she smiled.

"_Well, it's not everyday you move into your dream house,"_ Sissy said softly then. _"It means a lot to us … for you and Derek to build a life and a home together …,"_ she whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

"I know," Meredith said in that same soft tone. "It means everything," she whispered.

"_Well, call me tomorrow, let me know how __sleeping__ on the floor went,"_ Sissy giggled.

The taxi pulled up the dock and Meredith smiled … _almost home._ "I will, we just pulled up to the dock," she replied.

"_Okay then, give that man of yours a hug from me,"_ she said.

"I will and you do the same," Meredith answered and then snapped the phone shut. "Thank you," she said to the taxi driver as she passed the money to him.

"You're welcome," he answered as Meredith slipped from the warmth of the taxi … another step closer to home.

###

_The day had moved swiftly for Derek and he realized now that he was leaving the small, relatively local country store that he hadn't bothered to eat since this morning. He smiled, the fragrant aromas filling the car now – his stomach growled – the bags situated on the backseat filled with all of their favorites from the country store … spinach pie, sweet potato casserole, roasted turkey breast … and cheesecake, plus a bottle of their favorite red wine._

_He glanced at the clock on the console; he had about ten minutes until Meredith's scheduled arrival. Unable to stop smiling now, for he secretly loved this – having Meredith come home to him on his days off – picking her up from the ferry dock … it was domestic, but somehow it made their lives together feel less hectic. And as he navigated through the small side streets by rite, he realized he wouldn't have wanted it any other way … she was almost home. _

###

"_I see your true colors  
and that's why I love you"_

"It's so strange, bypassing the trailer like that," Meredith commented softly as they turned down and away from the trailer and drove toward the house … the sun setting, the sky high above the cloud cover, surely as pink and orange as sorbet.

"I know," Derek mused as he drove on. "We'll get used to it pretty quick though," he said, sighing into the peaceful quiet … until his stomach turned out a gnarly growl.

Meredith giggled. "Wow, you weren't kidding," she joked with a large smile. Derek chuckled, but kept his eyes on the terrain in front of them. Meredith snorted. "Well, in your defense … it does smell good in here," she offered happily, her eyes meeting his as he turned to her.

Derek smiled. "I bought a bottle of red wine too," he replied with a smile, suddenly excited for the meal that awaited them and even more excited that there was nothing to do but relax – _'no cooking for the first few nights'_ – that was Meredith's wish, one that he certainly remembered as he planned out the next several meals they would share over this first long weekend they would spend together at home.

"Perfect," Meredith beamed as Derek pulled alongside the house, the exterior lights on … welcoming them home.

"Looks like the timer worked for those lights," he observed as he turned the ignition off and everything became quiet. "Welcome home," he sighed with a smile tugging at his lips.

Meredith exhaled and turned to her lover. "Welcome home," she whispered, her tears ducts already clogging with unshed tears. "I'm so happy," she smiled, staring into his brilliant eyes.

"Me too," Derek answered, leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers, pulsing his nerves over hers. "I love you," he whispered against her lips then – _his hunger and tiny surprises for the night ahead disappearing as he melted into his lover's touch_ – he pulled away with a smile. "Let's get you inside," he said softly.

_Meredith smiled and opened her car door, meeting Derek halfway as he exited and pulled the bags from the back seat. He closed the door and they walked together, up and along the illuminated walkway, pausing to stand at the steps of the porch for a moment in time … where they lingered upon this precipice and marveled at what they built … once a dream, now a reality._

"It really is gorgeous," Meredith sighed breathlessly, her hand on the small of Derek's back.

"Yeah … it's something else," he replied, leaning into her steadfast touch.

_She blinked then, testing herself, much like she typically had over the course of the last few months when they would invariably walk out and make their way down to the house and just look on. At first a frame, then a retaining wall or two … then a roof, then some windows – and on and on and she would blink and blink – and hope that when she opened her eyes, it would still be there, and it always was. She sighed and smiled and then she did it again … one last time. _

_She blinked and prayed and opened her eyes – to find her dream was alive and well – and presently lit up via those blessed exterior lights. She stepped forward and once again took a brief private moment to feel awe inspired. _

_Taking in the nuances of their two-story Dutch Colonial Revival home (popularized from about 1890-1940), a picturesque hill-top replica of that iconic style – the Gambrel roof's distinguishing feature … those flared eaves, turning up and into the darker sky, the perfect symmetry of the façade … a standout for any generation. Catching her breath, she set her sights on the doorway – the portico, so humble and inviting with its columnar flanks – it was a classic home with its ecru siding and decorative windows. And even though brand new and designed with every modern convenience, it looked as if it had withstood the test of time. And therein, it matched its landscape – it was their homestead, their foundation – the very place where they would make their collective dreams come true._

###

"_so don't be afraid to let them show  
your true colors"_

Derek smiled at Meredith as she sat ensconced in the light of what would become the hub of their home – _the large kitchen; one of his favorite spots in the house_ – and with the fireplace ablaze in the corner behind her and the bouncing shadows of the flames moving all over the walls (even more so with the absence of furniture) – _she looked ethereal, just like an angel_ – as she sat perched upon one of four high barstools, the only place to sit, for now.

She sighed and watched him clear the plates, also new, bright and white and simple … which matched their décor – _clean lines, hard-wood floors throughout, simple well made furnishings of dark mahogany and cherry woods_ – brightened and accented with walls of celadon and baby blue, all finished with decorative crown molding.

He inhaled then, taking in the newness of their home into his lungs – _paint, lacquer, sawdust_ – the fire crackling and hissing behind him as he turned around to load the dishwasher, smiling when he felt Meredith's keen eyes linger upon him.

"So … cheesecake, now or … later," he chuckled as he closed the dishwasher and turned around to face her.

Meredith felt her cheeks heat and it wasn't from the wine (or the warmth of the fire behind her). She smirked. "Later … much later," she giggled, her eyes brazenly moving over his body.

"I like where your head is …," he mused as he crossed the room. "I have something for you first though," he smiled as he came to stand in front of her, his eyes moving over hers … green, sparkling, even in the relative darkness.

"Oh …," she smiled, raising her brow. "Where do you want me?" she asked, slipping from her stool, her palms comfortably pressed against his chest.

Derek snorted, spotting the saucy mischief in her eyes. "It's not _where_ …," he husked playfully as he palmed her tush and drew her near.

It was Meredith's turn to snort, her breathless cackle caught between them now. "It's _when_ …I know," she breathed, batting her lashes, her lips brushing against his. "And I can't wait …," she whispered into his mouth as she kissed him again; he tasted of wine and sweet potatoes. She giggled and pulled back.

"Wait right here," Derek chuckled as he looked down at her.

He smirked and turned out of her arms then, making his way to the coat closet where he retrieved the package _– a medium-sized cylinder he had yet to open_ – his mind wild with the implications of what was inside. Beaming now, he rounded the corner and met Meredith's eyes where a flash of recognition breezed across her features.

"This came a couple days ago," he smiled. "I thought tonight –"

"Nicole's painting …," Meredith breathed as her eyes landed on the mailing label to confirm her instincts. Unforeseen tears pricked her eyes.

"The one and only," Derek answered. "Let's open it," he encouraged, grabbing his keys from the counter, he ran one of them along the rim at the top, breaking the seal as he did.

_Meredith watched him work, her eyes misting as he pulled the rolled canvas from the container, bringing with it, a card and folded newspaper. He set the items aside and they moved to the center island of the kitchen. She turned the lights up, just a fraction on the dimmer; the flicker of the flames blending into their surroundings now as Derek carefully laid the canvas on the__marble countertop._

_Derek muttered something indiscernible then and Meredith turned to him, her eyes already pricked with tears as she watched him for a long second before she turned back to the canvas and was instantly swept back to that moment, perched upon that hilltop in France with her lover's arm wrapped around her – the fragrant lavender padding her lungs and anesthetizing her brain – the rest of the world falling away, even now, even as she stood a world away from that moment … it was captured here by Nicole's brushstrokes, which only added countless layers of depth to her already precious memory. _

"It's like a looking glass," she breathed, tilting her head, her eyes transfixed on the wells of her eyes inside the painting.

_Hesitantly, she leaned forward then, inescapably drawn to somehow connect with herself and her memory etched therein. She exhaled, her eyes moving to the reflective rainbow, in the background for eternity now – along with the billowing lavender fields situated far below them –those sprays of the tiny purple flowers as they danced and tiptoed up the hillside where they somehow became the very essence of her and Derek as a couple – their sustained beauty, sustaining the tests of time, just like they were – and then there was the rainbow … so vibrant, yet whimsical and barely there at all, a miracle unto itself and to all who bear witness to it … or all who might come to sigh over the images captured within this work of art. _

"We have to call her tomorrow," Derek said softly, his breath quite literally taken away by the painting, its depth and the curious way Nicole just knew what he was thinking.

Shaking his head in wonderment, Derek could do no more than to stare into his own eyes then –_where he remained quite awestruck by the man found looking back at him_: a_ man who was content and in love and perfectly aligned with the woman who had captivated him so. _He sighed and he found his eyes moving to admire the work Nicole had done on Meredith and was smitten to find that she had effortlessly captured the woman Meredith really was – _the softness he found within her, the stuff no one else saw_ – the side of herself she tried so desperately to covet. She was there … on that hilltop, just as she was always there for him.

"It's gorgeous," Meredith whispered, turning to look at Derek, the flicker of the flames bouncing in time with his eyes now, teeming with color just like his flushed face.

_Without thinking, she brought her hands up to flank his skull then and just held him there, committing the countless layers of his eyes to memory. She smiled and her hands moved over the smile forming along his face as she did. She blinked, closing her eyes where she let herself bask in his radiant energy … until she opened her eyes to find him, right where she left him – so drawn was she to him now that she stepped forward and kissed his lips – moving her mouth along the familiarity and sensuality of his … kiss, kiss … she barely pulled away, her own cheeks flushed, luminous with all that he did to her now. _

"I love looking at you," Derek declared intimately, because he really did … for Meredith in the raw sense of herself was truly a sight to behold. She blushed, her eyes flicking away.

"Lets read her letter," Meredith murmured – _her breathing shallow now as she let herself fall just a little deeper in love with him _– just a little more, though she could hardly believe it was possible. She smiled – _her lips turning up_ – her eyes still transfixed on the painting as Derek unfolded the letter and lay it down on the counter where they looked on and read her words together.

###

_Dearest Meredith and Derek,_

_I want to first thank you for allowing me to try to capture your special memory. I also wanted to thank you for your company, for the time we spent together, well into the wee hours of the morning … for there were nights when your candid, beautiful faces and colorful spirits made the world a less lonesome place. It has been a rare, inspiring pleasure to paint with you both in mind. _

_I trust this work and this note find you both in excellent spirits and health. May you always look upon this piece and reflect on some of your time spent here in France, lingering high above the lavender fields without a care in the world. Although, I do believe we haven't seen the last of you, considering young Claire's recent poetry accolades and the ties that bind you together. And, as sure as I am that you are well aware of the praise by which I speak, I have enclosed a news article about her award and have taken the liberty of translating it for you … I'll include an excerpt here:_

'_The winner of this year's Emerging Poet's Award is the prodigal composer, Claire Martin. Her submission, "True Color" was the standout of the contest … her lyrical tone is captivating and despite the pretense under which the poem was constructed, her words left us begging for more, while we secretly wished we didn't.'_

_The article also mentions her ordeal, her story, which tugged on my heartstrings quite a bit. Perhaps when you come back to France, you will introduce young Claire to me … for art, in all forms, can heal both old and new wounds._

_I am smiling now as I close this letter, more prepared to roll this canvas up and send it on its journey now that I have written to you. With gratitude and without further discussion, this painting is my gift to you, for there could be no amount of compensation that would suffice for the joy I have already received in kind. _

_Be well my friends, stay true to one another … and even truer still to your 'true colors' and we will speak soon._

_Nicole_

###

"We'll have to send her something …," Meredith murmured when she was finished reading. She turned to Derek and smiled.

"Or maybe we'll just go back to France someday, just like she wants us to," he suggested with a small smile.

Meredith giggled. "I'd like that," she smiled, tilting her head up, her heart pounding as she did.

"You know … I have another couple of surprises for you …," Derek husked as he stared back at her. "Come …," he urged, turning out of her space where he tugged on her hand.

_The lovers moved succinctly now, Derek pulling Meredith along, their hands entwined, their hearts trumpeting as he lowered the dimmer on the kitchen lights where they walked on, breezing through the small archway and into the expansive living room. The fire crackled and they turned to make their way up the steps. The new wood creaking under their weight as they ascended toward a triangle of light coming from the hallway up there. _

_Derek moved his hand down to the small of Meredith's back, then down again and across to her opposite hip where he held on tight and she did the same – the billowy echo of their giggles bouncing everywhere as they stepped into the light at the top of the steps. Smiling in tandem, they meandered together now, slowly transcending to a new echelon as they made this inaugural journey to the private space of their coveted bedroom. _

Meredith let go of Derek's hip when they reached their doorway. She set her fingertips on the door then and pushed, her heart lurching when her eyes scanned the room. "Our mattress!" she exclaimed with a squeal that echoed and hung in the air. "What a great surprise!" she breathed, turning back to Derek, her cheeks tickled pink.

Derek beamed. "Perfect timing, right?" he smiled, basking in her happiness. "They called and asked to deliver it today and I couldn't say, _'no'_," he laughed, completely smitten by his woman.

"Sleeping on the floor sounded romantic … but a mattress on the floor … is perfect!" she smiled as she turned around where she leaned into Derek's steadfast heat.

_She stilled her heart now as her eyes adjusted to the ambient light cascading from the small vanity fireplace on the far side of the room. She took a step inside after another beat and let the peaceful canopy of energy cover her as she let her mind and spirit soar, daydreaming now about this place where they would come at the end of each day and hold and revere one another without abandon. This was their place, their dream of a safe place. _

Exhaling, she stepped further into the wave of that soothing energy; the flames danced along the walls, the frame of the bathroom door, illuminated by the soft light filtering through from the other side. It was peaceful and everything she had dreamed of, thus far.

"Our new sheets," she whispered as she looked down to the well-made mattress. "I like the colors, don't you?" she pondered, tilting her head up to find Derek again.

"I do … and with our furniture, it'll be a great room," he mused, his thoughts gravitating to the future as he smiled and came to stand in front of her. "This is our room, Meredith … ours …," he whispered, drawing her into the nest of his embrace, her lips on his neck before she pulled him closer and rested her chin on his shoulder, relaxing into his body.

Meredith closed her eyes and melted into her lover's comforting heat. "I've been living for this moment," she confessed as they held each other for a long beat before she opened her eyes and blinked, her quiet gasp hanging in the air as she extricated herself from Derek's embrace and blinked. "Derek …," she breathed, her voice trailing off as she focused on _'Renoir's Muse'_ as it hung, suspended in the middle of the narrow, naked wall in front of her.

_Derek smiled and watched her cross the room. She tilted her head and looked back to find him, but he just stood in his same spot and stared at her … both grounded and sustained by all she did to him. She took a step backwards then and he moved forward and it was there that they stood together and admired Sissy's captivating photograph, this still-life image that had become their reality … for they were much like Renoir's couple, so in love and intrigued and drawn to one another. _

"We'll be able to see it from bed," Derek explained softly, lacing his fingers through hers.

"You've found a perfect place for it," Meredith agreed, turning her head, she leaned closer to him and pressed a soft, lingering kiss to the angular plane of his cheek. "Thank you …," she whispered, her eyes glassy as she looked up to find him. "I love my surprises," she said with a small smile, the one she saved just for him.

Derek smirked and surveyed his woman for a beat. "I have one more … surprise … but it's gonna have to wait," he murmured, closing the miniscule space between them where he palmed her tush and brought her near –_ pressing his burgeoning hard on into her pelvic bone_ – her wild, happy giggle raging between them as he did, her green eyes bouncing within the variable shadows as they too danced with happiness and freedom.

"Hmm," she hummed, her heart on fire; her hands already pinned to his hips as she leaned up and kissed him wildly again. "It can … wait …," she agreed against his open mouth, her arms draped along his shoulders where he ducked his head down to hers and captured her lips in a more fierce kiss – _her mouth and mind and body wide open to their passion as it was ignited_ – one kiss … one touch … one look into his fiery blue eyes was all it took. "Welcome home, Derek," she whispered into the night, holding his gaze steady as he took her breath away.

"Welcome home, Meredith," he whispered in return as he began to walk her backward toward the mattress where they would make love for the first time on what would eventually become their marriage bed.

###

"_your true colors are beautiful  
like a rainbow"_

_Meredith opened her eyes, her lover's heat radiating, warming her back while the new goose down comforter taking care of the rest. She burrowed deeper into their chrysalis … safe, warm and dry. She snaked her hand out and into the cooler air and peeked at her watch – dawn had broken – she blinked, her eyes further adjusting to the gray shadows coming in through the windows high above them._

_She shifted, gently rolling to her back, careful not to disturb Derek, his breathing still heavy with slumber; he lay uninterrupted … while she gingerly stretched her taut muscles, still gloriously humming from their games last night. Slowly, she began to run her fingertips up and down the soft flesh of her abdomen – until she settled her palm over her heart – her nipple reacting to her lithe touch as she did, 'thump, thump', was all she felt. _

_Her eyes wandered, following the crown molding, white, pristine … crisp and new. She looked up at the ceiling, trying now to see what she would invariably see every time she'd wake up in this bed – a hairline crack, a small crevice or imperfection that could belong solely to her – except she didn't find one. Everything was blank and new and as fresh as the paint on the walls. She turned her head and found 'Renoir's Muse' and inside that tiny, private moment she stared at the image of herself, basking in that shutter of time last spring in Sissy's garden, a little over a year ago. _

_She shook her head in disbelief and turned her attention to the doorway on the other side of the room, the one that led to their master bathroom – travertine tile, soothing lighting, heated floors, an enclave outfitted with both a shower and a Jacuzzi tub, 'romantic and practical' were Derek's terms – she smiled into herself, glancing at his sleeping form again before she allowed herself to think about the room on the other side of the bathroom … the one they would use as a nursery once they began having children. _

_Shepherd babies, she smiled, a chill running along her spine as she did, for the mere thought of conceiving and carrying and birthing Derek's babies – it did this incredible thing to her heart, it twisted it, presenting itself in the form of a new yearning, not an ache … but a wish she longed to fulfill – perhaps an instinct her body had saved just for him … one undeniably born from the all-consuming love she had for him. _

_She closed her eyes and listened to the quiet all around her – the tempo of Derek's breathing, both alluring and hypnotic – she matched her rhythm with his, holding herself steady for a beat before she opened her eyes, smiling when she spotted her last surprise from him last night. She sighed and thought about his face when he gave her this gift … of her home … the home she built with the man she loved. _

_This gift that would transcend the test of time – the first legal document to bind them together –for the title deed and the land now also bear her name in perpetuity … 'the land of Grey and Shepherd' as Derek so eloquently put it … 'the land of Grey and Shepherd', she whispered into herself now … a new mantra … a new beginning that belonged solely to them. _

_Tears of happiness sprang from her eyes then and the sun moved higher in the sky and a lone bird chirped … and before long she heard another … and then another – and then, just like that, 'tomorrow' became today – and just like Derek said, 'today was big'. And it was … and for her, 'today' had always been some mystical, magical point in time, a moment she tenaciously chased like a beautiful dream. _

_Her heart quaked and she burrowed deeper and without thinking, she rolled back and into Derek's heat, this time instinctively seeking their connection. She sniffled and wasn't surprised when she felt his arm wrap around her naked abdomen. His lips descending to her neck, his thigh reflexively moving over her hipbone while she shimmied further into the contour of his body … her place. _

"Good morning," he whispered, his voice gruff with sleep. He pressed his nose into the back of her ear and breathed, inhaling her essence into his lungs _… sex and paint and flowers and 'them'._

Meredith laced her fingers through his and drew them up to her mouth where she kissed him there, soft and quick before she steadied herself and lay his hand down over her heart _'bang, bang'_. "I love this place," she breathed into the light of daybreak. "Our home," she whispered as her heart moved under his palm, '_bang, bang'. _"I love everything about it," she said softly before she rolled inside his embrace.

"Me too," he said as his eyes met hers … waterlogged, yet happy.

"I feel safe here, untouchable …," she whispered intimately, reaching up, she set her hands upon his face, her nose almost touching his now.

"Me too …," he agreed again, his eyes moving over hers as he tilted his head and regarded her inside the morning light of their new room.

"It feels magical, doesn't it? Like when you see a rainbow …and you just stare at it and all you can say is, _'wow, that's something else'_," she giggled breathlessly, her watery eyes relentlessly pinned to his.

Derek smiled. "That's because it is … _'something else'_," he murmured, pulling her thigh over his hipbone, her warm sex hovering over his flaccid cock. She scooted closer … sex to sex … no space between them now. "It's because you're _'you'_ … and you're here … you're built into this place, Meredith …," he husked, unruly fractions of emotion washing over his features, bottlenecking in his throat.

"And so are you … you're everywhere … still my _'everything'_," Meredith intimated, shifting to lay her head upon his pillow … eye to eye, they were now.

"Hmm, mmm … and then there's us… we're here too," he surmised softly, kissing her lips quickly, _pulse, pulse. _

"We are …," she agreed against his familiar nerves, kissing him with her eyes closed now, the heat of their sex warming her up from the inside out and the reverse. His cock twitched between them.

_She sighed inside, alighted by their perfect fit, her eyes still closed where everything was as dark and as black velvet – and smooth and soft and endless – yes, she listened to her lover breathe, in and out, focusing on the harmony of that symphony, the bird calls and her lover's breathing … would it really be like this for the rest of their lives? _

'_Yes,' was her answer … it was always her answer now. And so as she felt herself grow heavier in his arms, she also saw that the darkness deep inside her mind' eye had become lighter and even lighter still and therein, she found herself drawn to that light … and so she went – following it until all she could see was a whimsical blend of colors – so intriguing that she pulled her lover into her heat and kept him there while she looked on and saw that rainbow made from party streamers – perhaps just like the babies in the nursery might see – a rainbow … a new beginning. _

_She opened her eyes then and basked in her lover's energy as it cloaked her like the stuff of magic and true love and soul mates … just like the miracle of a rainbow._

"Derek …," she whispered then, her voice slicing through the sound barrier of her own mind.

"Hmm …," he hummed into her neck, his hot breath fanning his face. He too, opened his eyes.

"This has been the best year of my life," she reflected as she stared at him.

Derek smiled. "Mine too," he whispered in return, his fingertips moving up and down her spine. "Today is _'today'_ …," he said softly, pulsing his lips against hers.

"I can't wait," she said against his open mouth, her tongue brushing along his now.

"Me either," he husked as he gripped her thigh and rolled her over, pinning her beneath him, his cock twitching instinctually as he did.

"Derek …," she breathed into his mouth, rolling on top of him this time – _her thighs pinned to his ribs now_ – her damp heat brushing against his lengthening cock.

"Hmm, want to go again … and again and again?" asked of her as he kissed her deeply, his wandering fingers moving down to her wet center – _the pad of his thumb moving across her burgeoning clit, slick now, slip, slip_ – she bucked her hips, her body on fire.

"Oh …," she sung as her body dipped into his, her mouth on his neck briefly before exhaled sharply and relaxed –_ gracefully acquiescing while he had his way with her _– the soft hair of his chest tickling her sensitive nipples as he did. "Yes …," she encouraged as he slipped his middle finger into her depths and pulsed, playing her akin to a gifted violinist, _stroke, pulse, flick_.

Her mind went blank then, blissful oblivion already claiming her as she reached between them and took hold of his cock _– the tireless muscle expanding inside her firm grasp, up and down_ – she stroked him … _up, down_ … a zap of energy coursing through her body in anticipation of what was to come now as they worked each other over, her delicate, slick muscles pulsing with a need only he could satisfy.

"Yes, again … and again," she muttered thickly as she moved to hover over him – _aligning his sensitive head at her opening_ – her eyes pinned on the intensity of his now, so dark and blue with all that she did to him.

"Want to go on … for forever … and …," he mumbled as he pulsed up – _the tip of his cock breaching the soft nerves of her outer lips, pulse, pulse _– she was wet and hot and he could do no more than stare at her still.

"And … always … yes … I do …," she whispered thickly as she lowered her bottom slightly, just enough to feel him enter her domain _– the familiar ridges and grooves of his muscle stretching her, just enough _– until he pulsed up and she swallowed him whole, her tenacious muscles gently coaxing him inside. "Oh … yes, you feel … _so_ good," she husked as she took control and filled herself with him … _completely._

_The lovers sighed in unison then and let the world fall far and away, their pelvises touching – no space left between them as they began to make resolute love to one another – settling into an easy rhythm of their own making where all they heard was the beating of their hearts and their breathless calls of praise and love and adoration … those innermost thoughts verbalized once again as their minds began to soar with their spirits. _

_And as they made love on this first morning of their new beginning, the sun prepared to rise over the horizon, lighting up the land all around them – especially 'the land of Grey and Shepherd' – this magical place where the dandelions roared … and the morning wind moved the wild lavender flowers to and fro … this land upon which their house of dreams was built and would be sustained … this land positioned somewhere over, or even under a rainbow made from their true colors. _

**-END-**


End file.
